Through Different Eyes

Part II: Details

by Drake Hunter
That first night I spent speaking with Chelpa Feff-Nur changed my entire
perspective on the situation. We talked late into the night. It was definitely
an odd experience getting to know a person whom I could not see. However, I
discovered there was little to fear about this being. Chelpa was unlike any
other person I have ever known, aside from the alien status. As we conversed,
I came to the conclusion Chelpa was male. Perhaps it was gender bias at
work, but he sounded male to me. He detected my thoughts concerning gender
identification, and Chelpa countered with information that left me bewildered.
He stated that his species did not have gender differentiation. Each individual
was capable of producing offspring and he, himself, had two children of his
own. The procreative process he explained left me plainly baffled and, I had to
admit, a little queasy. It involved some form of exchange of genetic material,
a period of mitosis that was unlike anything I could imagine, and an
incubation period that was flat-out disgusting as far as I was concerned.
Chlepa Feff-Nur was amused at my reaction, and he stated that the mating
rituals of humans did not overly intrigue him. We came to the agreement that
certain pieces of some areas were best left unexplored.

I knew Chelpa Feff-Nur was not human because he did not act like a human.
Every time I wanted a subjective opinion from him on any topic, I would have
to force him to reveal his private thoughts. Chelpa was as non-judgmental as
any creature could be. He was beyond non-judgmental: Chelpa was the living
embodiment of kindness and understanding. I believe much of his personality
had been shaped by his vocation. I had heard other people say how much they
loved their jobs: Chelpa was his job or vice versa. He wanted to know
everything down to the minutest detail. However, Chelpa Feff-Nur never
placed a value judgment on whatever I told him. He was gathering
information. I have no idea how he stored the information in his mind, or our
shared mind at the moment, but his catalog of knowledge was astounding. His
presence made me feel like a genius, and it made no difference to me that the
knowledge was not my own. I fell asleep that night, and much against my will,
while we were discussing the intricacies of fishing. The topic of baiting a hook
was very revealing about him as a person. It struck him as rather horrendous
that we would use one live creature to attract another live creature so that we
could eat the second creature. Chelpa never directly stated his aversion to the
idea, but I could tell by the style of questions he asked. His method of
collecting data gave me the clearest insight into his private thinking. Chelpa
Feff-Nur had a direct pipeline to my innermost thoughts, even the ones about
which I was unaware, so I thought it only fair to pick apart his thinking.

I learned the next day that I could talk privately with him. I did not have to
vocalize every sentence. Sometimes, however, when I was unable to properly
define a piece of information, I would speak aloud. Chelpa found it interesting
humans truly did engage in an internal dialogue, and that it was not simply a
metaphorical expression. He stated he could hear my conscious and
subconscious interactions. I already knew that since he often felt free to
comment on what I was thinking. I have since debated if Chelpa Feff-Nur had,
indeed, manipulated my mind. When I awoke that Sunday morning, I was
completely comfortable with the notion that another being was living inside of
my head. Years later, after he departed, I began to wonder about the nearly
instantaneous transformation when it came to accepting what happened to
me. I do, however, believe he was completely honorable in his intentions. His
presence within me taught me a few tricks that I use to this day. The ability
to hold two completely autonomous conversations is a subtle and valuable
skill. It became necessary for me master this ability with a certain amount of
expediency since I was often forced to engage simultaneously in two
conversations: one external and one internal. I think my family and friends
thought I had gone a little daft as I learned to do this while Chelpa was with
me. It often led to some rather interesting results.

“Hey, dweeb, what about your computer crap?” Todd asked me on Sunday
evening when I was sitting in my room letting Chelpa Feff-Nur read a book
through me.

“It can wait,” I replied without looking up.

“You know mom asked me if you were getting stoned?” My brother queried
nastily.

I detect animosity from your brother.

‘He thinks I’m a loser.’

Exactly what is it you lost that disturbs him?

I laughed out loud at the question. Todd thought I was laughing at him.

“I told her you were too much of a dork to even know how to get baked,” Todd
responded snidely at my laugh.

“Can’t see how that makes me a dork.”

What is a dork?

‘Slang term for penis.’

Rather crude.

‘That’s Todd.’

“You are so lame!” Todd exclaimed and then walked away.

I glanced up as he left. I had an odd sensation that Chelpa was watching him
as well, and studying my brother intently.


I was not aware you were injured.

‘More slang.’

Explain, please.

This was a common request from Chelpa Feff-Nur. It was interesting to follow
him as he discovered the variations in human language use, and especially
English. I had never given it serious thought before, but the concept of
communication was becoming fascinating. Chelpa possessed an extensive
vocabulary that dwarfed mine, but the subtler aspects of discourse confounded
him. Slang, or vernacular as he called it, was a lost art on him. He learned
quickly enough, but it was regularly confusing for him. He said his people did
not say any word that did not have a very specific meaning.

‘I think it’s a whole concept thing about people. See, it’s a putdown… an
insult. Todd calls me a dweeb and a loser, a dork and lame to let me know he
thinks he’s better than me. When he says I’m lame, what he’s really saying is
I’m weak and can’t make any difference.’


Is this form of hostility truly that common amongst your species?

‘I thought you said you’d been listening to our transmissions?’

I have, yet the precise contextual reference can be elusive. I was aware of
the sharp differentiation between the denotative and connotative meanings
within your lexicon, yet...

‘English, please.’

This was a common request from me. Chelpa seemed blithely unaware how
powerfully he commanded the language in his effort to be precise in his
statements. Unfortunately, I did not have the same breadth of vocabulary,
and I was constantly asking him to rephrase certain points so I could
understand. Chelpa Feff-Nur never once became annoyed at my limitations.

A word can mean the opposite or something wholly different depending on
how it is used or placed within a sentence. I also note that meaning is further
derived by the manner in which it is intoned… spoken.

‘I never thought about that before.’

It was becoming easier and easier to confess the depths of my ignorance with
Chelpa since he never seemed to think less of me for it. He never treated me
like I was an idiot or stupid. I wished my teachers were as patient as he. I
might have actually wanted to learn. However, the topic concerned language,
and one item came readily to mind.

‘You’re gonna get a whole lot of this tomorrow when I go to school.’

It was a warning. If Chelpa Feff-Nur thought Todd and Marla could converse
with me in strange ways, I could not wait to see how he would deal with
complete immersion in a teenaged world. I did not think there was any
manner in which I could adequately prepare him.

Then I shall rely on your emotional responses to determine certain definitional
meanings.

‘Can you hear my emotions?’

I cannot.

‘What’s it like, then?’

I feel them along with you. Human emotions are very potent and can be very
stressful at times. I am aware that human children go through a period of
emotional maturation as they evolve into adults.

‘You haven’t, like, been doing anything to mine… ‘cause I’ve been kind of… I
don’t know… sort of nothing the last few days.’

I was not aware my presence was having adverse effects on your state of
consciousness. I will examine this and make a report to you when I have
reached a conclusion.

‘It’s not anything really bad.’

I paused for a moment. I did not want Chelpa Feff-Nur to believe he was
causing me harm. It did not feel like he was damaging me. Instead, it was as
if my emotions had become muted.

‘Chelpa Feff-Nur, it’s no big deal. Honestly.’

I do not doubt the veracity of your assessment, but I believe this requires
further study.

‘Look, it’s like when Todd was here a few minutes ago. He tried to make me
mad, but it didn’t work. Most of the time I’d get really pissed off at him for
calling me names, but it didn’t bother me this time.’

I understand. May I offer a preliminary speculation as to the cause?

‘Sure, if you tell me what that is.’

It is an early theory, Louis.

‘Okay.’

I did not feel stupid. I felt as if I had learned something. I was beginning to
seriously appreciate having a private tutor trapped in my brain. Chelpa had
said the arrangement could be beneficial for us both, and I was beginning to
believe him. I could not quite conceptualize what he was receiving out of the
arrangement, except that he was consciously alive.

It seems that the impact of statements made to you is being dispersed
across two cognitive states, and thus the overall affect is reduced. Since I am
attuned to your aural reception and the influence it has on your mental and
emotional status, it may be that I am absorbing some of the results.

“What?” I said out loud.

My entity is acting as a buffer for you: one emotion shared between two is
only half as strong.

“That makes sense,” I mumbled.

Had I known at the time how much sense Chelpa made, I would have paid
closer attention. I was only fourteen, and had a fourteen-year-old’s attention
span. The world appeared more interesting when seen through the prism of his
perspective. It all seemed exciting and new in ways I never appreciated, and
would not until much later. I now marvel at the exceptional skill with which
Chelpa pursued his passion for learning about the human species. He often
thanked me for saving his life, yet time has shown me that the favor was
done for me. As I sat in the room letting him read the book and, as unlikely as
it seemed, reading along with him, it did not appear odd to me at all that I
was his new vehicle of exploration. His fantastic ship may have been
destroyed, but I believe he was pleased with the replacement. Certain
questions rose in my head.

‘What did happen to your ship? Dad said he didn’t find anything in the swamp
‘cept what you tore up when you crashed.’

It was deconstructed on a molecular level.

‘Disintegrated?’

That is a sufficient description.

‘And your body?’

Disintegrated as well. There is a failsafe mechanism built into each
exploration vehicle that reduces the chances of accidental discovery in the
event of a mishap. All traces of the ship and crew are eradicated if either the
occupant or vehicle is fully incapacitated.

“Kind of harsh,” I heard myself say.

It is a risk we willingly undertake to continue our studies.

‘Don’t think I could be that brave.’

I do not concur with that assessment.

This was another example of Chelpa Feff-Nur at his finest. He never told me I
was wrong about an opinion. He would correct my misinformation, but he
treated my views with respect. Chelpa may not have agreed with them, but he
gave me the freedom to form my own opinions. He would always offer his
perspective if I requested it. Sometimes he would not wait for the request.

Is it braver to travel in a vehicle that is proven safe or to accept the presence
of another within your personal form?

‘Depends on what’s at stake.’

This is where I believe you have failed to accurately assess the relevant data,
Louis. The cause of my accident was not due initially to a failure of the
vehicle, but to my lapse in routine safety precautions. When I first began the
voyage, I was confident my craft would not falter. Conversely, you offered to
host my entity without any assurance for your personal safety. It was a
decision made under duress and without adequate opportunity to research
alternatives. The risk you took was far greater than any I have taken.

FreeByte could go to hell at that moment. Todd might call me a loser and a
dweeb, but Chelpa was stating I was courageous. I impulsively trusted Chelpa’
s opinion over my brother’s. Although Todd had lived with me my entire life, I
never felt as if he knew or understood who I was as a person. Chelpa Feff-Nur
had been with me for four days, and I sensed he knew everything about me.
There was a crucial difference: Chelpa had access to the source in a manner
Todd was denied.

I will offer you this to contemplate: Do not confuse valor with either bravery
or courage. Valor stems from the character of the person. Bravery originates in
the willingness of the individual to confront danger. Courage is found in facing
obstacles when all choices are disadvantageous. I do not seek an answer at
this time, but I am interested to hear how you assess your actions on the
night of my accident.

‘I’ll get back with you on that.’

Chelpa returned to his reading. I moved my eyes and scanned the pages
without really absorbing the words. He had presented me with a puzzle about
myself, and it proved too enticing to ignore. I got the distinct impression that
Chelpa Feff-Nur was intentionally ignoring my internal dialogue during the next
few hours. We sat in silence: he was reading, I was thinking, and neither
made comment. At times he would ask me to turn the page, but we pursued
our own interests for a while.

My parents started to take an unnatural interest in my condition. Todd had
informed me of my mother’s inquiries, but it did not end there. I could feel
them watching me. We performed a strange, silent dance as a family. Todd
and Marla were no exception. It was driving me to distraction each time they
asked me how I was feeling. I was feeling perfectly fine. I was as normal as I
could be under the circumstances. My family was unaware of the
developments, and I suppose I cannot truly fault them for their suspicions.
The odd middle child had grown even odder over the course of a few days
without any reasonable explanation. I was relieved when Monday arrived and I
could escape them.

I am not certain this mode of transportation is safe.

Chelpa was not enjoying the bus ride.

Have studies been conducted to examine the percentage casualty rate and
probability if this vehicle were to fail while transporting this number of
individuals?

‘I’ll look into that and get back with you.’

I was grinning to myself during the exchange. Joey was sitting next to me
foolishly scanning a printout of Internet addresses that might prove promising
for investigation. He had already informed me of a spectacular job he had
done on Saturday night, all the while commiserating with me that I was cut off
from the online world.

“Dude, it was so awesome,” Joey burbled. “They had nothing. Wide open. No
security, no passwords… nothing! I cruised in and could see everything. Some
of those dumb-fucks even left their systems running over the weekend. Dude,
there are some sick people in the world.”

“Porn?” I asked with feigned interest.

I was more interested in listening to Chelpa Feff-Nur as he ran through a list
of structural and mechanical faults he was noticing about the bus. Chelpa was
exceptionally worried about the height to wheelbase ratio, and calculating the
amount of force it would take for the bus to tip over. He was starting to make
me a little nervous.

“Yeah, ‘cept it was really nasty. Horses and chicks and shit like that. Gross,
dude. Just totally freaked me out. And the guy’s a vice president!”

He does not sound all that disturbed.

‘He isn’t. Joey thinks he hit the mother lode when he finds stuff like that on
someone’s PC.’

Pee Cee? Explain, please.

‘Personal computer. It sits on top of the desk or next to it. Connects to a local
area network or an intranet. If they have a ‘Net access, then people can slip in
and take a look around.’

“… tons of credit card stuff, too!” Joey was saying, except I had not heard the
full statement.

Net access? Is this in reference to the internationally connected network of
computer systems?

“Yep,” I answered.

“Yeah, what?” Joey asked and looked at me.

Joseph Melman had undergone a transformation when we entered our
freshmen year. Not content to be labeled simply as a geek or a nerd, he
decided to swing to an extreme. Joey dressed almost exclusively in black. He
frequently wore tee shirts emblazoned with some death image and the name
of a heavy metal rock band. Thick-soled army-style boots adorned his feet. A
hunk of chromed chain ran from his leather belt to his back pocket, anchoring
a wallet that contained nothing of value or interest. Joey had let his hair grow
out during the summer, but the sides were shaved to the scalp. It was a
pseudo-mohawk. To make matters even more surreal, Joey had dyed his hair
gunmetal black. It had all the brilliance and sheen of finely extruded nylon. He
looked as if he were wearing a wig. Joey thought it made him look mean and
tough. Unfortunately for him, his radically altered appearance did nothing to
change his reputation. His social status had actually taken a hit. There was
only one problem in his overall theory: he could hide the geek, but the geek
still flourished within him. His efforts were further undermined by his rather
extraordinary mind. Joey Melman had a photographic memory. He only needed
to see something once in order to memorize it completely. This was the
reason why I thought his use of the IP address list was foolish. He did not
need the list. Joey wanted someone to see the list and take interest in what
he was doing so he could present himself as a computer hacker.

“You should put that away,” I told him on the sly, ignoring his question to an
answer that had not been directed at him.

“Nate said he wanted a copy, and I was checking to make sure I got it all,”
Joey replied, and I knew it was a bold-faced lie. He could have recited the
most promising addresses from memory.

I am not certain your parents or other guardians would approve of this activity.

‘They don’t.’

Then why do you chance having your liberties suspended?

‘Because they wouldn’t like it. It’s part of the fun: doing something they
wouldn’t like.’

Does this fulfill some aspect or need within you?

‘Maybe.’

Chelpa did not respond, and I found that a bit unsettling. I wondered if he
was disapproving of me. We rode along in silence, and that was even more
unnerving. It was not a comfortable silence of two people respecting one
another’s privacy. I could not tolerate it for long.

‘Chelpa Feff-Nur… it’s kind of hard to explain.’

“Man, look at this one!” Joey exclaimed excitedly but quietly. “I’ve seen it
before. It’s a main branch office for a bank!”

“I… ah, Joey, I don’t know if it’s a good idea to go crashing through that one,”
I mumbled.

“Dude! What is with you?”

The very question I had hoped to escape at home was following me.

Please, Louis Albert Moran, do not alter your standard method of operation on
my account.

‘Kind of hard not to when I know you can see what’s going on.’

I have no wish to diminish the quality of your life.

I was too young to be able to properly frame the concept into a coherent
stream, but Chelpa was not diminishing my quality of life. Instead, he was
making me examine it on a level I had consistently ignored. I felt
uncomfortable sitting next to Joey with his eyes boring into the side of my
head. I was not certain whom I wanted to impress the most: my friend or the
alien in my brain.

“Joey, dude…. Look, sometimes we push the line too far. It’ll break and whip
back on us one of these days. My folks are already watching everything I do…
and there’s no way I want to get nailed hacking into a bank. They’d fucking kill
me,” I replied gravely and slowly.

I do not think your parents would harm you.

‘They might if I got fingered for something like Joey’s talking about.’

There are regulations in your region prohibiting the use of violence against
another individual and especially against children.

‘You read the newspaper yesterday. You think that’s gonna stop them if they’
re really mad at me?’

I believe you are speaking in hyperbole and being facetious.

“You losing your nerve, FreeByte?” Joey hissed at me. He was taunting me in
a particularly vengeful manner.

“Dude! Not here!” I snapped at him.

‘English, please.’ I added silently.

You are purposefully overstating the probable range of reactions to make your
point. Although your parents may become quite upset, I do not believe they
would terminate your existence over the matter.

‘They might come close.’

Joey was glaring at me. He had violated one of our cardinal rules concerning
the use of screen names in public. I could not tell if he was angry because I
barked at him or because he could not goad me into thinking it was a good
idea. Joey curled his lips a bit before returning to the printout in his lap. It
was a pointless exercise on his part. We both knew that. He was emphasizing
his displeasure with me.

Louis Albert Moran, I do not understand why you are willing to incite your
friend’s hostility because of my presence.

I had no reply. My mind was tumbling into a realm of confusion that hitherto
was unknown to me. I did not know why I was willing to upset Joey because
of Chelpa. It somehow seemed more expedient to keep the presence in my
head pleased with me than the sullen teenaged one sitting next to me. It
would take me another two years before I could satisfactorily explain it to
myself. My junior year literature teacher had us read
Pinocchio: the original
version and not the Disneyfied one. All of us watched the cartoon version
despite the admonitions to refrain. As I sat watching the little wooden boy
learn to deal with life, I saw a parallel between us. Pinocchio had Jiminy
Cricket to act as his conscience. Chelpa Feff-Nur, for the duration that he was
with me, had become my Jiminy Cricket. I did not understand it on that
morning as I sat on the bus trying to rationalize my actions. Hollywood had
gotten it right in that regard.

Joey was not too inclined to talk with me even after we arrived at school. I
was aware he had wanted my approval and admiration for having secured the
IP addresses, yet I could not bring myself to herald the illicit activity with
Chelpa monitoring my brain. Joey, Nate and I depended on one another for
approval and acceptance nearly all the time. I violated the sense of
community that kept us together. It began to dawn on me that there was a
flipside to the arrangement: the benefits were balanced by disadvantages. I
was very moody by the time I reached my first class. Chelpa Feff-Nur let me
be. That is until the class started and then his interests took over. I was
forced to endure the power of his will as he sat in rapt attention listening to
the teacher. I wanted to brood, but somehow he made me interested in social
studies. All of the reading we had done over the weekend served us well. It
was an odd experience for everyone to watch me raise my hand and then,
against all probability, recite the correct answers. I could feel my geek status
grow another notch before the end of the period. I was mortified.

I do not understand your disdain for having correctly supplied the information
to your instructor.

‘It just isn’t cool!’

Explain, please.

“Argh!” I groaned out loud.

No one paid attention to me.

‘Chelpa Feff-Nur, this is what makes me a loser and a geek!’

What have you lost by gaining knowledge? I am not certain there is a
correlation between your social status and the amount of information at your
disposal.

‘Wanna bet? Some guys would beat the shit out of me for being too smart!’

What purpose is there in forcing you to defecate because you have
knowledge? I believe you are utilizing hyperbole again.

‘No, I’m not, Chelpa!’

I used the shortened version of his name on purpose. I knew he would take it
as an insult, and I wanted him to do just that.

I apologize that I have made you upset.

The infuriatingly calm, rational alien was apologizing when I had just insulted
him. I pounded out my frustrations on the hallway floor. I could not make him
understand what I was up against in this strange world of high school, and I
had resulted to childish name calling because I failed in my first endeavor.
Chelpa Feff-Nur seemed very adult and mature in comparison, except he
resembled no adult I knew. My father would never have apologized for making
me angry if he thought he was teaching me a lesson. It was another sign that
Chelpa was truly an alien. The ire churning in me from the social studies class
blinded me to what was going to happen next. I had science. I had a scientist
of sorts resting firmly in my mind. I continue to wonder why I did not expect
what occurred.

“NO!” I heard myself say some fifteen minutes later. “Gravity only affects the
directional path of photons. It cannot alter the physical properties of light
unless the field strength is strong enough, like you find around brown and
white dwarf stars and black holes!”

Mrs. Ramsden was gaping at me. Chelpa Feff-Nur had taken a minor piece of
general information as an insult to the study of physics. He was not willing to
raise his hackles when it came to a personal insult lobbed at him, but
misinformation appeared to irritate him to an extreme.

“And the electro-magnetic spectrum is a measurement of the wave form, not
of the particles!”

“That is quite enough, Louis!” Mrs. Ramsden yelled at me. “Sit down and be
quiet. I’ve had just about enough of this constant arguing with everything I
am trying to teach!”

I was humiliated. Chelpa Feff-Nur was outraged. I slumped down in my desk
wondering if there was a hole deep enough for me to crawl into and hide for
the rest of my life. The other students were staring at me as if I had finally
reached the point they had predicted: my mind had snapped. It was a strain
trying to separate what I was feeling from what Chelpa was feeling. I wanted
to be angry again: he was feeling remorse, but not about his actions.

This is egregious, Louis Albert Moran. The facts being presented are almost
completely incorrect in application. They hardly suffice for theoretical
information. These students are being led to believe that the color of a light
wave has more property value than it actually possesses!

‘I don’t care, Chelpa Feff-Nur. You made me look like a fool!’

I would rather your dignity suffer than your knowledge!

He was arguing with me. This was a first. This was also unexpected. Chelpa
complicated the issue even further because I could tell he was acting out of a
sense of duty for and to me. He did not want me to learn even a small fact
incorrectly. It was, I presumed at the time, how he must have acted with his
children. I knew then that I could not fault his intentions: it was his methods
that were causing me problems.

‘Did you ever think that maybe – just maybe – we’re not as advanced as your
species?’

You will not advance very quickly if this is the standard procedure for
instructing the young. I would think this instructor would be pleased with
having the correct information available.

‘Not from a ninth grader… and I can’t tell her why I know she’s wrong, either!’

There was a momentary pause.

I understand the dilemma, Louis. I apologize for once more having acted
hastily. Please, forgive my intrusion.

He was doing it again, and I wished he had his body back so I could punch
him.

You could not damage me with a physical assault.

‘What?’

Chelpa was listening to my internal dialogue.

The relative density of my body mass is nearly six times that of your own. If
you were to strike me, it would be akin to striking a stone.

“Why?” I blurted.

“Because I said so!” Mrs. Ramsden roared at me without turning around to
face me.

As I stated: the mass of my body is more compacted on a molecular level
than yours. It is the result of being born on a planet with greater gravity. My
world is nearly four times the circumference of this one, and its median
density is nearly six times as great. Hence, the physical properties of my
species have evolved under the effects. Did you not note the shape and
structure of my form when you viewed me?

‘It wasn’t exactly what was on my mind at the time.’

I was being peevish, but I was also curious. I did remember what he looked
like because it frightened me so much. Chelpa Feff-Nur was, or had been,
shaped like a squat bullet. The thought of his arms as they extended from his
body and the single, wobbling eye still sent a shiver down my spine. I was
still having difficulty reconciling the creature I saw slide out of the vessel with
the one in my brain. There was a logical disconnect between the two.

While it may seem very strange to you, the physical form of my body is
exceptionally well suited to the environmental conditions on my planet.
Excuse me, but your instructor is issuing an assignment to the students, and I
believe that includes you as well.

I lifted my head up. Mrs. Ramsden, who was still rather red in the face, was
scribbling aggressively on the blackboard. A reading assignment and the
questions we had to answer appeared in a cloud of white dust. I jotted down
the information in my notebook. It was a large assignment. Several students
were already pulling out their books. Many more were glaring at me. I realized
I was the source of the assignment. In a completely contrary mood, I was not
the least bit sorry.

I believe it would be best if you began the assignment. I am interested in
comparing the methodology of printed instruction to verbal instruction.

‘Why? You’re only going to tell me how wrong it is.’

I will not beleaguer you with my knowledge, Louis Albert Moran.

‘Doesn’t that kind of defeat the point of what you were telling me earlier
about Mrs. Ramsden?’

The point I was seeking to impress upon you was not about your instructor. I
believe that you are being ill served by the transmission of inaccurate
information; however, you have wisely raised the issue of non-interference. It
is not my place to weigh the merits of the instructional techniques of your
species, and any information I can reveal to you may be detrimental in effect.
A species must be allowed to evolve at its own pace without the direct and
intentional interference of an advanced race. I would be remiss in my duty if I
were to instruct you further in the sciences.

‘Could you say that again so I can understand it?’

In basic terms: my knowledge could contaminate the evolution of your
species. There is a risk the exposure to advanced data could drastically alter
the path of development. It could also be very damaging and perhaps even
lead to your destruction.

‘I get it: the Prime Directive.’

Explain, please.

‘Star Trek. It’s one of their rules about making contact with other races. If they’
re not as advanced, then the Enterprise isn’t allowed to contact them. They
can watch…’

Something Chelpa Feff-Nur had said to me before suddenly jumped up in my
mind. Regardless of the fact that I could not repeat exactly what he had said,
I understood the meaning. He was going to get into trouble for taking refuge
in my mind because they had rules just like the television show I was trying
to explain. I was suddenly afraid for him.

You are correct, Louis. However, you have no cause to be concerned for me.
When I sent the emergency transmission to my people, it also included the
data about the accident and the measures I have taken. This will be taken
into consideration as they review the case and determine what steps will be
taken to secure my retrieval. It will also be used at a later time to decide if
there is sufficient reason to alter our procedural guidelines.

‘I guess… but I still don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.’

I am alive, Louis Albert Moran. Do not think that because my species is
culturally and technologically more advanced than yours that we have
lessened the value we place on life. We are more reasoned in our approach,
but it has not diminished our capacity to hold life very dear. It may be that
we place a greater value on it because of our developments. No, Louis, my
people will view what you have done for me with gratitude.

I wanted to believe him, but I was thinking he was telling me this to calm me
down. I was feeling guilty for how I acted earlier in the day. I was being self-
centered, and the realization hit me hard. Chelpa was stranded on a strange
world, trapped in a strange body, and completely at the mercy of the
capricious whims of a fourteen-year-old boy. I tried to place myself in his
position, or rather a similar set of circumstances I could understand. I
wondered what it would be like being wedged in the mind of a five-year-old
somewhere in China. It would scare me senseless.

I am not frightened. I grant there are disastrous aspects to what has
happened; yet the benefits are already beginning to mount. I could not have
predicted the amount I would learn in the five planetary rotational cycles I
have been with you. Moreover, I think you are failing to recognize that I am
truly grateful to be alive. This could not have been achieved without your
assistance. My people will not overlook this fact.

“I hope so,” I muttered.

I do not lie to you, Louis Albert Moran.

Of that I was certain. Chelpa Feff-Nur was, as far as I could tell, so honest
that it was nearly painful. It seemed to me at times that he was incapable of
telling a lie, as though his species had bred it out of their genes. There had
also been a plaintive quality to his statement. It was not as if he was asking
me to believe him, but rather there was no cause to doubt him. I added it to
the stack of items I needed to think over. The alien was very good at
stretching my mind. Before I could give him a chance to respond to my
thinking, I pulled out my textbook and opened it to the correct page. As I had
suspected, the introduction of the book derailed him from speaking with me
since books held a surreal and total fascination for him.

It is because I have access to your understanding of the language and the
symbolic code your species has developed to preserve knowledge.

That was his last comment until the bell rang and the class was released from
the period. I was surprised when Mrs. Ramsden did not pull me to the side
and give me a detention for acting out during the session. I wondered if she
was thinking about what I, or rather Chelpa, had stated. While my teacher did
not have anything to say to me, the same was not true of my classmates.

“Way to go, dork!” Tyler Case said and nudged me with his elbow.

“Yeah, real smooth, Moran!” Emily Snodgrass chimed in and barged past me.

They were not alone in heaping verbal abuse on me. I had no choice but to
accept the insults as I tried to wend my way through the halls. There was
some element of having Chelpa Feff-Nur in my head that made me overly
conscious of the fact I did not have many friends. Aside from Joey and Nate,
there were few I conversed with on a regular basis in the halls. It was another
sign of my lowly status. The few times I received any considerable attention
was when one of the three of us pulled off a major hack. Even then it was
short-lived because the details were more important than us. The taste of
that inconsequential popularity was a driving force behind our exploits. The
disparaging remarks I suffered as I left the class reminded me that I was
never popular for long.

I offer my apologies again, Louis Albert Moran. It appears you did not
understate the reception the others would give to the challenge to your
instructor.

‘They’re mad ‘cause we got homework.’

I bear direct responsibility for that unintended result. There are dynamics in
the social interchange of your species that I had considered fabricated by
your entertainment transmissions.

‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you!’

I will not, and I admit I was adequately warned.

Although he had not used the exact words, Chelpa was confessing that he
made an error in judgment. I wished my father had the capacity and ease to
make the same admission. A picture of how alien Chelpa Feff-Nur was in
reality was taking shape in my mind. His physical countenance was one facet,
yet his demeanor was even more telling. He displayed it further when he
opted to remain subdued through my next two classes and lunch. In truth, he
was not so much subdued as less overwhelming with his intense curiosity that
drove me to act out of character. Chelpa did, however, force me to consume
foods that I would normally disparage. Except to say he did not really force
me. Curiosity about the staples presented for our consumption intrigued him
and, as a result, intrigued me as well. I had a very foreign lunch.

You mother is more adept at preparing meals.

‘She’s not cooking for an entire high school!’

You are correct, Louis. I am not certain your mother could maintain the same
quality given the quantities necessary.

Chelpa had a rare gift for unintentional understatement. Perhaps it was his
honesty and insatiable curiosity, but he even took jests seriously from time to
time without realizing I was trying to be humorous. As I thought it over while
we trudged along to my next class, I wondered if his species had a sense of
humor and, if they did, what it was like. I had as of yet not seen any
indication that Chelpa Feff-Nur was given to belly laughs. I had half-hoped he
would respond. He did not. He did, however, respond to the art class. We
were still working with watercolor painting. It was a skill I could not master
and ended up creating nothing but multi-colored blurs in shades of black,
brown and gray. When the teacher, Mr. Adams, set us to work, Chelpa came
back to life.

If it is not too presumptuous of me, Louis Albert Moran, may I lend you some
guidance?

‘What do you know about watercolors?’

I made the inquiry while I was wetting down my sheet of paper.

Nothing except to state that I believe the end product might be of some small
interest to you.

‘What do you have in mind?’

An image of my world if we can manipulate the medium correctly.

Chelpa Feff-Nur’s gift for understatement was reaching new heights. The offer
had piqued my interest beyond measure. He could take over my body for all I
cared if it meant I could see something of the reality from which he originated.

Physical control of your limbs and extremities is unwise, Louis. I have already
utilized what limited opportunity I had when I set the controls in my vehicle
for the emergency transmission and the auto-destruct sequence. We cannot
run the risk of integrating too completely lest the process of my removal be
deleterious to your person.

“Um, sure,” I whispered. He sounded somber, and I decided he knew better
than I.

I believe that if we work together, we can produce a rendering that will be an
adequate facsimile of a place on my planet of which I am most fond. We will
be working in hues of orange and violet.

I had never worked so carefully on an art project in my entire life. I moved
cautiously and slowly. Because Chelpa Feff-Nur did not have to concentrate on
moving my arms, fingers or hands, he could focus on telling me where to apply
the paint. He was also quite deft at instructing me on how to properly control
the amount of water on the sheet. It was almost unnatural.

The atmosphere on my world is very fluid, Louis. It is not as dense as the
natural state of water here on this planet, but the relative aggregate density
of water in parts per billion in my native atmosphere far surpasses what you
experience.

“You swim through the air?” I inquire aloud as I moved the brush to complete
what seemed like an outcropping of dusky rock.

It might appear that way to you if you had the opportunity to visit my world.
Now, dry out the brush and add a small amount of the diluted black. We are
going to create the shadow on the edge on the left side of the chasm.

I did as I was instructed. It did not appear to be much of a painting at first.
Yet it suddenly came to life when Chelpa had me add the highlighting and
shadowing. I detected a rather pleasant feeling as the image came closer and
closer to whatever vision he was creating.

“Very… interesting, Louis,” Mr. Adams said from behind me. “A bit gloomy but
still interesting. What is it?”

I do not have the proper words to relay an adequate description.

“It’s some place I might like to visit some time,” I answered for myself.

The atmosphere and gravity would crush your body almost instantly, Louis
Albert Moran.

“It’s not any place here, just… something I imagine might exist some place.”

“Well, it’s the finest piece you’ve produced yet,” Mr. Adams said with some
appreciation. “I can’t quite say I understand the inspiration, but it apparently
means something to you.”

“Yeah, I guess it does,” I replied softly.

Mr. Adams moved on to examine the work by the other students.

‘Chelpa Feff-Nur, how, um, how close is this to what it really looks like?’

It is a fair approximation. The prismatic effects of the atmosphere when the
star is at zenith cannot be accurately rendered, yet I believe you would
recognize the location from this depiction.

‘Does it make you homesick?’

No, my world does not make me physically ill.

‘I mean do you miss your home.’

Chelpa could be too literal.

Yes, I do miss my home. It is beautiful to me, as your world is to you. I find
my travels have made me appreciate my world in numerous, subtle ways.
While I very much enjoy my missions, it is always pleasant to return. There is
an axiom on this planet I have come to adopt as my own: Absence makes the
heart grow fonder.

He did not actually say it, but Chelpa Feff-Nur was homesick. I could not
blame him. It was nearly impossible to imagine how far away he really was
from his world. He was separated from everyone he knew and loved, if he
loved – and I had not doubts that he did. He was trapped inside the mind of a
fourteen-year-old boy and, despite the fact it saved his life in some fashion, I
could not see him having too much fun. Chelpa had to go wherever I went. He
had to endure whatever I endured. When I was making the connection with
Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket in my junior year of high school, I began to
understand he was in a much worse position: Chelpa Feff-Nur was caged in
the puppet and had no access to the strings. Observing the painting we had
created in unison evoked sympathy in me for him.

‘Why is this spot important to you?’

It is a place my parent and I would travel to on occasion. We would observe
the… the… a creature that bears some resemblance to your hippopotamus with
an extra set of legs…

‘And one eye?”

Yes, and a single eye. The creature is buoyant in our atmosphere. It may
appear unwieldy in size, but is it very mobile, can accelerate to phenomenal
speeds, and is carnivorous to an extreme. The place in the painting is a safe
vantage point to observe them. When my planet turns away from the star, the
creatures emit a call that can be heard for incredible distances. It was at this
very place where I first decided I was going to join the exploration corps.

Regardless that I did not phrase it like this at the time, I knew Chelpa was
waxing nostalgic for his home. I tried to form an image in my mind of the
creatures. It was difficult to conjure up a vision of a hippo acting like a bear
darting along the ground like a gazelle. I attempted to imagine Chelpa Feff-
Nur and his parent camping at the site like my family did in the northern
reaches of my home world. I wondered what the stars looked like from his
planet.

It is difficult to see the stars through the atmosphere. My home star also
radiates brightly around the planet and dims them. Only the largest and most
luminous are visible from the surface, yet they are as enticing as any I have
seen here.

‘They must’ve been if it dragged you all the way to Earth!’

It was not the star that brought me here, but the species on the planet that
is orbiting it. Space is beautiful, Louis Albert Moran, but it cannot compare to
the awe inspired by an intelligent race of beings, even one as young as yours.

He was in awe of the human race? I scarcely could believe that, yet his
presence was evidence he was here for a myriad of reasons. When the art
class ended, I asked Mr. Adams if I could stop by at the end of the day and
take the painting home with me. Mr. Adams graded it right then and there. It
was the first A-grade I ever received from him. I felt a touch guilty over the
fact I had not produced it alone. The grade belonged equally to Chelpa. The
content was, after all, inspired by his vision of his home. Perhaps the grade
was his alone. Even on the best of days, I could never execute such a fine
painting.

It was not until I stepped out into the hallway that my fifth period dread set
in. I had gym class, and I hated it. I was the quintessential target for dodge
ball, I was always one of the last people picked for a team, and my ability to
trip over my own feet was near legendary. Gym class always made me
exceptionally nervous. There were times when it raised such a panic in me
that it brought on nausea and, on a few occasions, real vomiting. As I forced
myself to walk toward the gymnasium, Chelpa Feff-Nur picked up on my very
transparent thoughts.

Louis! You are in grave distress, but I cannot perceive the threat to you!

I swallowed hard in my throat. I was glad I could rely on simple thinking
instead of trying to vocalize with a voice that would not cooperate. Even with
that advantage, it was still painfully hard for me to express myself.

‘I, ah… um, I really hate this class.’

This is not hatred, Louis Albert Moran: this is complete fear. Why does this
setting arouse such strong fears in you?

‘You’ll find out.’

My reply was so glum that it gave Chelpa pause. He had to go along for the
ride regardless of how traumatic it would be for the both of us. I sensed
apprehension in him, and mainly from his observant silence. I suspected
Chelpa Feff-Nur was applying his incredible powers of observation full bore. As
I considered how the experience was going to affect him, I started to calm
down. I was not alone. I would not have to stand in lonely isolation immersed
in my dread and uncertainty. If he understood the subconscious fears I was
generating, he did not enlighten me. However, Chelpa was acting as an
emotional buffer. There were elements to this arrangement I was becoming
quite keen on, even if there were some aspects that had been embarrassing.
For the first time, I was secretly delighted to have a private friend with me, or
rather inside of me. It was also the first time that I thought of Chelpa Feff-
Nur in that manner: my friend. Although I harbored deep resentment at having
to suffer through the class, my fear did not crest into full-blown panic. It
subsided somewhat.

You are calming. This is good. Should there be facets you need to take into
account, your judgment will not be clouded.

“It’s because you’re here,” I said to myself, out loud.

How does my presence mitigate any probable threat to you?

‘English, please.’

Chelpa pondered for a few moments while I walked closer and closer to what I
thought of as a torture chamber. The first round of humiliation would begin in
the locker room. My scrawny body, glaring white in seeming comparison to
those around me, was a logical target for ridicule. It was not infrequent that
one of the athletes, the jocks, would look at me and snort in disgust. I almost
envied Nate’s potbelly when I had to go to gym: at least he had some meat
on his bones. I more closely resembled a starving child in Africa, and that
comment had been made about me more than once.

It is not logical that I, in my current state of physical non-entity, could lend
you any form of assistance should you be assaulted. I can offer you no
protection from those who would do you harm. I am at their mercy as well.

I was nearly at the locker room entrance, and I had to answer fast. I could not
imagine this was a topic Chelpa would let rest without adequate discussion.

‘It’s not that. I guess… I think it’s ‘cause I won’t be alone this time. Most of
the time I just stand around and get picked on. If I’m lucky, they’ll ignore me.
I guess with you here… it’s just different is all.’

I believe I understand, Louis. A fear shared is a fear reduced.

“I guess,” I muttered as I pushed open the locker room door and stepped into
the dank, fetid, moist environment.

Although this bears no relation to your current plight, I thought you might be
interested to know that this atmosphere holds some likeness to my world.

‘Wouldn’t advertise that if I were you. Who’d want to visit a place that smells
like a high school locker room?’

I was referencing the tactile sensation upon your skin. However, I will note
again that your species would suffer immediate termination if left exposed on
my planet.

‘Chelpa Feff-Nur, please, do me a favor: don’t mention immediate termination
and exposure in the same sentence when I’m walking into the gym. Okay?’

Explain, please.

‘Forget it. It was a lame joke.’

Injured humor. I will think on this.

Unfortunately, he chose that very moment to think about the joke. His silence
echoed through my head. I went to my locker and began the first in what as
series of uneasy acts. I typically tried to strip and dress in my gym clothes as
fast as I could make my hands move. The thought of undressing with so many
other males unnerved me. It twisted my stomach into a knot. Per my routine
habit, I would stare blankly ahead into the dark confines of my locker. Even
though others were talking around and past me, I did not engage in any form
of social contact while I stood around in my boxer shorts. I was jealous of
those who could be so comfortable in such a revealing state. Half of them
were standing around naked or slipping into athletic supporters. I kept my
eyes glued to the bland, gray metal walls of my locker. It was my best and
only defense. I prayed that Chelpa would finish his contemplations and
engage in dialogue with me.

I fail to find the logic in your statement.

He piped up, and I was too relieved to hear his voice to nitpick his rebuttal.

If a joke is meant to elicit a specific cerebral response, and if the joke fails to
produce said response, it cannot be injured -- or lame in your parlance – since
it cannot be considered a joke at all. Insomuch as you made of request of me
regarding my choice of lexicon in the statement about the comparison
between my home world and this current environment, I do not find the
source of the humor…

“You’re over-analyzing it, Chelpa,” I murmured as I slammed my locker shut. “I
was being stupid, okay? Can we agree on that?”

Your intelligence is not sub-par.

I could not win even when I was admitting defeat. I turned, keeping my eyes
riveted to the floor, and walked toward the gymnasium entrance. A few others
were in line with me, and no one spoke to me. I liked it that way. I wanted to
be left alone. Besides, I had all the company I needed despite the gaps in our
shared understanding of humor. My body started to tense up as I walked onto
the parquet floor of the gym. My tennis shoes squeaked on the wood, and the
sound was lost amid the tumult of voices and other squeaking shoes. I
followed the edge of the wall until I was within close proximity to where my
particular class assembled.

I believe I understand this now. Your joke was lame, injured as it were,
because it failed to meet its objective. Hence, it was wounded by my failure
to understand the specific parameters of the intent.

‘I think it’s a cultural thing. You know: things are too different between us and
the point sort of gets lost. I think.’

That is an excellent analysis, Louis Albert Moran.

It did not matter how terrible I was at badminton, I was too distracted by the
on-going conversation with Chelpa about the lost subtleties in communication
when the frames of reference are too widely separated. I would catch sight of
the shuttlecock at some point and swing wildly, usually missing, while I tried
to explain how humans found humor in things that were injured. I brought up
the notion of slapstick comedy, and used the example of a person slipping on
a banana peel as an example. Chelpa Feff-Nur did not think it was very
humorous. He was concerned for the welfare of the person who fell. As we
talked and I got slaughtered in every game I played, I began to see that some
forms of comedy were very carefully structured. I could not recall many
instances when I got to see the person getting hurt up close. That was not
true for animation, but it was rare that a scene involved a close-up shot of a
person getting hurt in a comedy. I shared my views with Chelpa, but he still
did not believe that injury of a person was a justifiable source of humor. He
gave me credit for trying to explain the variations of the subject, and he
finally did concur without prejudice that cultural development influenced what
was considered humorous. By the time the period ended, I was amazed at the
fact it was the most fun I had ever had in gym. I began my walk back to the
locker room. My gym teacher was yelling at us to take a shower quickly.

My blood froze and the panic started to well up in me again.

Louis?

‘I hate it when they force us to take showers. We get points taken away if we
don’t. It’s not fair!’

I believe there is a justifiable need for your species to engage in a regular
routine of hygiene.

I clamped down on my mouth and my mind. This was not a topic I was
predisposed to discuss. It was too personal for me.

I do not understand what it is you have to fear, Louis Albert Moran. You
simply face the prospect of heated water and some form of astringent. Why
does this cause you trepidation?

‘It just does, okay?’

I slithered into the locker room trying to make myself as small and
unnoticeable as I could.

You do not have the capacity for topographical transformation. It is not one of
the attributes of your species. The human form lacks the requisite elasticity
and fibroid mechanisms.

“What?” I hissed as silently as I could.

You cannot change your shape at will.

‘Well, duh!’

Explain, please.

I clammed up. I had reached my locker, fumbled with the lock with trembling
fingers, and called up every shred of will I had to begin the process of
stripping my clothes from my body. I realize now, and I knew it subconsciously
then, that what I truly detested about gym class was being forced to expose
my naked self to an eighth of the male student population. I almost
considered skipping the entire situation and suffering the point loss. The only
problem with my plan was that I was going to fail the class if I kept using
that tactic. My father and mother would skin my alive if I failed the course
because I was self-conscious.

Consider this, Louis: each person here does not deviate very much from the
typical human form. There are variances in skin coloration, height and weight,
and dispersal of hair follicles, but you are all rather the same for the most
part. You are nearly as heterogeneous as my species…if one discounts the
division of gender. Even then...

‘Chelpa, can’t you give it a rest for one minute?’

I was snarling inside my mind. I knew I should have been kinder to him.
Chelpa was, after all, merely carrying out his duty and his job. Moreover, he
was also trying to lend me a sense of comfort, but it was not helping. Pointing
out the human form did not ease my mental state. It was the human form,
itself, that was causing me grief, and mine in particular.

I do not understand this issue.

There was a quality to his tone that said he was speaking to himself. I
wanted to avoid thinking about the issue at all costs. Standing before my
locker and forcing myself to remove my clothing took a considerable amount of
concentration. I was trying not to imagine how I appeared compared to the
others. It took superhuman effort to yank my boxer shorts down and step out
of them. Chelpa Feff-Nur said nothing. I did not even get a glimmer of his
presence. It could have been he was respecting my inner sense of privacy, or
perhaps he was caught in my rampaging emotions and could not sort through
them. The cause was of little concern. I wanted to get in and out of the
showers as fast as I could manage. My gym instructor kept track of who turned
in a towel on the way out of the locker room. That was my single, fixed goal.

I bent my head down as I started to move toward the showers. I looked
neither right nor left, following the heels of the person in front of me instead.
There was a small parade of naked young men. Some were engaged in idle
chat, others were just as silent as me. I tried to find a secluded spot in the
long, tiled room that was studded with showerheads at regular intervals.
Steam was already rising up, and colder water splashed my feet. I found an
unoccupied shower by chance. Without thinking because of my churning sense
of panic, I turned on the water flow. I was blasted with cold water. It was so
frigid it made my stomach seize. However, it quickly began to grow hot. I had
to scrabble with the control to stop myself from being scorched. As I had no
soap and the wall dispenser was empty, I simply let the warm water rush over
me. I pretended it was shielding me from the sight of the others.

Louis, I am unable to perceive any threat to your person. This experience is
rather pleasurable. It is similar to my home.

I did not answer. I did not know how to tell him I was ashamed of my body. It
was little more than a pile of bones strung together with some bits of flesh
and tendon. It was uncoordinated. It was dappled with acne. It also looked as
if I had been soaking in a bleach bath. I felt awkward and repugnant.

From the little I could see, you misjudge your appearance.

‘Wanna bet?’

I have stated already that there is no significant difference between you and
these other males. The existing discrepancies are relatively minor.

‘You just don’t get it, Chelpa Feff-Nur. I know what I look like compared to
these guys… and it ain’t good.’

Your evaluation is purely subjective. You do not suffer from malformation.
Your internal systems appear to be functioning above an adequate level. Your
general state of health is good. I do not understand exactly what it is you are
comparing
.

‘Here, get a good look!’

I slowly craned my head from side to side. I was surrounded by young men
who were much more prime specimens than myself. As I let Chelpa take in the
sights, I noted them as well. I saw the muscles: muscles I did not have but
would have liked. I saw the bodies that were galloping along the path of
puberty while still I resembled a pre-pubescent boy. If it were not for the hair
on my head, I would have been naked. The only saving grace was that without
my glasses the images were distorted. It did not mean my mind could not fill
in the blanks, and this it did with frightening rapidity. Even through my blurred
vision, I was well aware that handsome young men flanked me on all sides.
They were the same men who would never see me as such, and would take
great delight in pointing out how inferior I was compared to them. I felt oddly
fortunate that no one had decided to glance upon me and take stock of what a
pathetic example I was as a human.

You are no worse or no better than those around you. You have not yet fully
matured into your final physical form. If your brother can be used as a gauge,
you will gain in both height and weight. The most that can be said about your
current stature is that you are slight. I cannot perceive any fault with that.

‘I’m an ugly geek.’

Again, I would caution you against making subjective comparisons. You will
not find much value in the results.

‘Can’t run away from the truth… not when I have to live it.’

I shut off the water. The sound of voices completely comfortable with the
setting reverberated through my ears. It was condition I would never achieve.
I was a person apart. Even the presence of Chelpa was not lending me any
real comfort. Moreover, there was an unsettling aspect to sharing a shower
with so many young men. A piece of my mind treated it like pornography. The
fuzzy view through my eyes was not so bad that I could not see the
occasional flash of skin shining in the water. Other elements, equally out of
focus, also caught my attention periodically. They were reminders that I was
physically not far removed from boyhood. I tried not to think about these
things as I wandered out of the showers and toward the towel locker. The gym
assistant handed me one without even a glance. I skipped drying off and
chose to cover my lower torso. At least I would deny anyone the opportunity
to laugh at my shortcomings. I straggled back to my locker. I hardly even
noticed the complete silence from Chelpa Feff-Nur as I hurriedly dried off and
climbed back into my clothes. I was very relieved to be fully attired, hidden
from the world and unexposed.

I walked out of the locker room into the crowded and noisy gymnasium feeling
utterly alone.

You are only as alone as you allow yourself to be, Louis.

“What would you know about it?” I mumbled angrily.

I am very far from my home.

I succeeded in making myself feel even worse because I offended the only one
who was trying to be anything remotely close to understanding. I struggled to
find a way to apologize, but I was too entangled in my own dour mood to find
the proper words. I hoped the incident would drift quickly into the past.

There is an animal on my world that lives its entire existence in isolation. The
young are spawned individually, and the parent flees from the newborn. Few
make it to adulthood. They burrow into densely packed… you would call them
shrubs, and they are poisonous to the touch. These creatures never come out
when any other animal is present. They live in darkness almost perpetually.
When it comes time for them to spawn their own young, they emit tiny
genetic spores that are carried through the atmosphere. The only hope they
have of reproducing is purely by chance when they venture forth to feed. I
have never seen one of these creatures, but I imagine their existence must be
terrible. They do not even know their kin, Louis Albert Moran. They are alone
in ways that I cannot comprehend.

‘Why are you telling me this?’

Because I thought you would be interested to know that creatures can evolve
into such distrusting beings that they cannot even tolerate the presence of
their own kind. They live in a realm dominated by fear… and it is all they know.

Chelpa was trying to teach me something, I was aware of that, but his
method left me perplexed. I could not figure out what point I was supposed to
draw from the story. I did not live in a poisonous shrub, I came out to feed
whenever I felt like it, and I certainly did not live in total isolation. The
parallels were lost on my fourteen-year-old mind. Yet the story nagged at me
from the moment I heard it. I tried to ignore the tale, dismiss it as I would a
documentary, but I could not escape the notion that Chelpa Feff-Nur wanted
me to learn from it. It had not taken me long to realize that he spoke only
when it was important either to him or to me, or to us both.

Living with another consciousness mired in my skull was turning out to be
trickier than I thought. It was complicated by the fact that Chelpa Feff-Nur
was an adult, very mature, and extremely intelligent. It was as if the fates
had lined up the odds against me. I did not want to pursue that line of
thinking any longer. My last class of the day was coming up, and I would make
apologies to Joey for having disabused him of his achievements over the
weekend. I needed at least one flesh and blood friend.


© 2003 RDH, Ltd.

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