Note from Trey: Ryan Keith has written “One Life” and “Kayden” and he’s writing “Kayden II”. Those stories are linked from our Stories page. When Ryan sent us this contribution to Authors Speak to Teens he asked our Aaron to edit it, and Aaron wanted to “smooth it out and polish it up” for Ryan. I know that Aaron will edit every word of what I’m saying here, but we convinced him to leave Ryan’s essay alone. We think it shows Ryan as he is known to everyone who enjoyed the 1,330 posts Ryan made to the forums at DeweyWriter. Ryan agreed, so here’s Ryan Keith Raw:

Hey guys.

Since you're here, it must mean you want to know more about me or you're willing to listen to what I have to say. For those of you who don't know me, I'm the nice, friendly, cute and charming (I'd like to think so anyway) writer, Ryan Keith. I'm the writer of both stories 'Kayden' and 'One Life'. Some of you might know me, and I'd like to say hi to you all who do. But before I get started I'd like to make a confession.

When I first discovered the net, I thought I could be who I was without people finding out about me. Unfortunately after chatting with a few people over the net, I discovered how small this world is; someone thought I sounded like someone they knew in high school. Sure enough they pointed out the high school they went to, which was my own. Fearing that I was going to be discovered, I stop going to chats. When I first joined a forum for support and friends, I found it. But with it I found an identity. Someone I wanted to use to hide from those who did know me in real life. I made him, and with him a fabricated background (like saying I was 19 all last year); hoping I didn't sound familiar to someone who did go to my high school. Nearing the end of High School, only a selected few knew about my sexual orientation, but fearing I'd be discovered again I hid behind my alias over the net; simply crossing over events in my life. Over some confrontations and decisions, I came out, and my boy friend and I took everything by strides.

I didn't want to hide who I was anymore. So I began to write as if feeling I was free from what held me back. However it was too late, a few people in the forum I went to found comfort in me and trusted me. How do I tell them that a part of who they knew me by was fake? Instead I feared what they would think about me and continued to live the partial identity I created.

I didn't like what I did, it felt like I truly betrayed people, so I called it quits; abandoning the identity soon after getting to University. Many were sad to see me leave, but I had to do it for myself. A friend and my boyfriend convinced me to do so. And so here I am, telling everyone this, quite lifting I must admit.

Many might be angry for finding it out this way, but there is no excuse in my part. So how old am I really? Well as of August 27^th, 2004, I am 19.

Now for the real reason to why I am writing this. I was asked by a friend Aaron and his buddies at The Mail Crew to write a little something about myself and what I want to say to other teens. I couldn't say my message without that little confession first, it wouldn't be fair to those who did know me.

We live in the year 2004, just recently gays are able to marry in the province of Ontario; I am Canadian. We've come far in the way people see same sex relationships. Yet there are many who still deny this love, they say it is forbidden and wrong. When I first when to University in the fall semester of 2003, I discovered something in the area I lived in; no one cares about sexual orientation. This was truly a big eye opener, because most of my life I was afraid to tell people who I was.

Everyone seems to think that gays are flamboyant, feminine acting guys. If they met me they would smack themselves for being so wrong. There are people like that who are gay, but also people like that who are straight. Don't be afraid of who you are.

I use to swim until the middle of High school and took weight lifting so that incase I did get picked on I could handle my self. I run actively, hit the gym every weekday for at least an hour and a half, I play tennis, rock climb, love to read fantasy novels, and want to get into Kendo (Japanese fencing- a friend of mine is really into it and it looks like fun). I love watching hockey and kicking back with a few buddies splitting a 24 case of beer. Yeah I don't drink beer much, but when everyone is having one, it's hard to say no. I love to party, I love to dance, and I love to shop. It's funny how when people meet me they assume I'm straight. I think I sound pretty straight. Apparently people think all jocks are straight. I guess I would be in the umbrella of the title jock. I'm 5'11, and weight in the range on 170-180 lbs (Depends on the season, lol. Damn thanksgiving). The only thing that I think is actually 'gay' about me (Which general opinions and media portray), is that I'm a fashion fool. I don't wear all the labels, but I tend to wear pretty well known stuff (Banana Republic, Armani, CK, etc). I can't seem to go anywhere without looking neat or proper. One bad habit I have? I shower and dress neat just to get groceries. I might be full of myself, I might have issues. There are many studies out there that talk about people like me, but all I can say, is that this is the way I've been since I was a kid.

So how can I be gay? Well, it's simply because I am. I wasn't abused sexually, emotionally, or physically as a child. I had a pretty normal childhood accept shutting people out after discovering that gays are not thought highly of. My father is a big hearted person. He's the cool one that lets me get away with things my mom usually doesn't. My mother is a loving lady who loves God dearly. She doesn't condemn gays, and she does love me after discovering about my secret (Mysteriously we go shopping a lot more often now). My family is pretty well off. People ask, what made me gay. What do I tell them? God did.

Instead of falling in love with a woman, I fell in love with a man. He isn't perfect (I might have made him seem that way sometimes), but he is perfect for me. I love him, and I know he loves me. The stories I write are forms of love that is pure and true. Love doesn't follow paths that great all the time, but I know love like that exists. I see it in a close friend of mine.

Many of you reading this might be in your teens, you might be older. It doesn't matter. Coming in terms with who I am was hard for me. I shut out my family, and I left home. I stayed away from my family for a year during high school because I couldn't live with them, but it was because I couldn't accept who I was. I lived alone in a house. My parents have property around and I stayed there. It was lonely. Gradually, with support of my friends, boyfriend, and people from the net, I became proud of who I am. And I came to write Kayden and One Life. If you're reading this, I'm hoping you have at least read of my story One Life. I cannot describe a love any more pure and true than the two main characters feel for each other. Tyler's speech in the epilogue is a message I wish people would understand. Sexuality is the least of problems in the world. Many people don't really care. People are a lot more open minded than long ago. In University, I saw same sex relationships blooming all over. There are those who mock and insult them. I do not hate them, but I grow sad for them. One of the brightest and greatest people I've met is gay.

This part is for those who have already read One Life. If you haven't, go read it then come back, because for sure there are spoilers here.

First let me say this. Remember in chapter 5, about the Valentine's Day Jaylin and Tyler experienced? Many have asked if they missed a chapter. They haven't. I couldn't create a crazy scenario with valentines that was writing worthy. I felt if I tried to do something, it wouldn't seem right. Instead I opted the easy way out. I left it to the imagination of the readers. All we know if that the Valentine's day they experienced deserved to be in a horror movie^^. Even I don't know what really went down.

I know some of you are angry with me. I know I'm angry with myself. I didn’t want to do what I had to do. However, to get my point across, I had to do what I had to do. Jaylin's death was the hardest thing to write about. For one thing, I've based Jaylin a lot about myself. The caring family, the close siblings, and the friends. I made Jaylin a lot better looking, in my mind, just to attract you readers (I know you guys liked the picture of Jaylin I painted in your minds^^). Fortunately, my boyfriend wasn't like Tyler. He's an only child, but his parents are as supportive as my own. When I wrote the final chapter about Jaylin's death, I didn’t include the one on one discussion between Tyler and Jaylin. After my boyfriend read it, he became really sad. To the point that he wondered what would happen if Tyler's situation were to happen to us. We had a big long talk. The result? The closure between Tyler and Jaylin; their promise in the field of green.

So what was I trying to get across with the story? Well, for one thing, that true love really exists. It does, I've seen it, and I believe in it. Another, is acceptance. There are many forms of acceptance in the story. I won't list them, I'll leave it up to the critiques to do that, lol. But for sure, I wrote this story with one person in mind. A former friend who would not accept who I was. No matter what I tried, I was always the bad guy for being gay. I hope that he gets my e-mail about this story, and reads it. I hope he could see that love between man and woman doesn't need to be any different for man and man, or woman and woman. The result of not knowing, and not understanding, is tragedy. Mr. Morton could not accept who his son was. Some would say because he didn't understand; he didn’t.

Perhaps in the future I will publish this story. Mostly because it speaks in many levels. I'm sure a straight person could read it and see the love they felt for each other. They'd agree they were meant for each other. They'd also see the result of ignorance and discrimination. I truly hope One Life has made you think. I could have made it a romantic story that ended with everyone living happily ever after. In a few months after reading, people would have forgotten about it. I myself had reflected many times in the process of writing the final chapter. Each time I went through it and read, I cried. I don't cry much at all, my boyfriend will tell you, but for me, it's like I could feel what Tyler went through. For someone to be ripped like that out of your life, it's way too harsh. I pray that none of you experience this hurt.

I've gotten many e-mails about One Life. Many praying I don't pull something like that with Kayden. I will let you all know, that I will never ever do something like One Life again. It's too painful for me, for my editor, Aaron, and for you guys. I've grown so much after writing One Life, but I think I've made my point. All in all, I'd say One Life was a success.

I like writing. I didn't think I'd ever be a writer. No matter how much I said I just did it for leisure, that I was an amateur, many of you, friends, have told me other wise. Perhaps it's time for me to accept that I can write. I can write as long as there are those who will read. My true major? I'm actually an Engineer, like my boyfriend (Might be a little shocker to some of you.)

I think I pretty much described myself in one sentence. I'm an educated geek (By major of study), a dumb jock, a helpless romantic, and a social and witty (cute?) youth who's totally in love.

Take care my readers, my supporters, my friends.

Ryan Keith

"Life is precious, heedless of what form...Whether the mightiest tree in the forest, or the smallest of insects. In all things, see the beauty of life... And then maybe, just maybe, you will see the true beauty of the world you live in."