We all stepped outside to meet Tony. He stopped his bike while he was still some distance away, probably put off by the sight of the crowd, but Tristan took a step forward and waved him on.
He cycled down, pulled up next to Tristan’s bike, dismounted, and removed his helmet.
Tony turned out to be a weedy young kid. He shared Tristan’s black hair, but his was more wavy than curly. He seemed fit and trim, like a smaller version of his brother, but a pair of gold-rimmed glasses distinguished him from Tristan.
Randy made the first move. Stepping forward, he held out his hand.
“Hi, Tony. I’m Randy.”
Tony grasped Randy’s hand hesitantly, and then smiled shyly.
“Hi, Randy. I’ve been waiting for this, though I’m disappointed you’re not gay. I’ve been watching you at school for the last week.”
Randy shrugged and grinned. “Everyone’s allowed a few flaws. One of mine is that I’m straight.”
I stiffened involuntarily, and then forced myself to relax. Tony was trying to hit on my brother, but Randy was able to look after himself. He was probably close to twice Tony’s weight and had a good six inches on him in height.
“What class are you in?” Randy asked, as he turned and lead Tony back to the rest of us. “I don’t remember you from school.”
“I’m in year 7, that’s why,” Tony explained. He then looked across at Adam. “Hi, Adam.”
“G’day, Tony,” Adam said with a smile as he a raised hand. “It’s good to finally meet you.”
“Hi, Tony, I’m Scott. Welcome to the family,” Scott stated with a half smile, stepping forward to shake hands.
“Hi, Tony,” I said, giving him a wave.
“And I’m Chris. Why don’t we all go inside where it’s warmer?”
I glanced over at Tristan. He was frowning slightly as his eyes flicked across the group. He was relaxing, but only slowly. I could tell he was deeply concerned for his brother.
“Come on, Tristan,” I said, as the others headed towards the house. “When you’re ready, I’ll show you where the shower is.”
Tristan nodded, though his eyes stayed focused on the guys surrounding Tony.
“What was that crack about welcome to the family?” Tristan asked as we followed the others.
I’d wondered that myself, and was guessing that Scott was referring to the extended family my parents were developing. They started with Adam, but I sensed that they placed Scott and Chris not too far behind him in the family stakes.
“It’s a bit complicated,” I answered. There was no point in trying to tell him everything. It was also not my place to tell Tristan about Scott, though I expected that issue would be resolved quickly.
When Tristan and I entered the house, Randy was already organising drinks for everyone. The rest were seated around the kitchen table. We joined them after Randy took our orders. “Chris is Adam’s boyfriend,” Tristan said to his brother.
Tony turned and looked across to where Adam, Scott and Chris were sitting.
“Can I tell him? Please?” Tony asked eagerly.
“What are you talking about?” Tristan asked, obviously puzzled and a little annoyed. I was puzzled, too.
“Sure, Tony. Go ahead,” Scott replied with a wide grin. He seemed to be the only one who knew what was going on.
It was only because I was aware of them that I spotted Scott reach across to Adam. I guessed that they were holding hands, out of sight below the table.
Tony turned to Tristan and grinned.
“Chris isn’t Adam’s boyfriend. Scott is,” he announced.
“What?” Tristan asked in disbelief.
“It’s true,” Scott said softly. His grin had slipped. He then just looked determined, like he was daring Tristan to make an issue of it.
“How did you know?” Tristan asked his brother.
I mentally echoed the question. Tony had just met Scott and had already worked out he was Adam’s boyfriend. Randy had told me about gaydar, but I’d never seen it in action. I frowned as I wondered why, if gaydar was that good, Scott and Adam hadn’t worked it out about each other earlier.
“Scott said, ‘Welcome to the family.’ He’s not related to either Randy or Adam, at least as far as I know, so he had to mean something else. I’m guessing he’s read some of the same stories on the ‘net that I have. ‘Family’ is sometimes used to indicate other gay guys. So, when he said ‘family’, I picked him as being gay. That would make him Adam’s boyfriend, especially as the two of them have been hanging out together at school all week.”
I looked over at the Scott, who was nodding his head. Adam looked a little surprised, so the explanation was news to him, as it was to me. I felt a little better. One code word had made it possible for Tony to reach his conclusion, but it had only worked because Scott set himself up.
“Then…who are you?” Tristan asked Chris, looking and sounding confused.
“I’m here to do the same job as you,” Chris stated cryptically, before he took pity on Tristan by adding, “I’m Scott’s brother.”
“So, how old are you, Tony?” Randy asked, as he returned to the table with the first of the drinks.
“Thirteen.”
“Isn’t that a bit young to know you’re gay?” I asked.
I realised I’d put my foot in it again when Adam’s face went stormy. Tristan saved me, though.
“I’ve been that saying to him, too.”
Scott shook his head. “No, it’s not. I knew before then, though I didn’t have a name to put to it until later. Some people realise earlier than others. Thirteen isn’t too young.”
“Same here. I spent two years, from thirteen to fifteen, trying to prove myself wrong, but I couldn’t,” Adam said, his stormy look having dropped away.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been afraid that he was going to shoot me down, again, but when Tristan showed the same opinion, Adam must have realised I wasn’t being unreasonable.
“I knew it when I was twelve,” Randy said.
When everyone stared at him, he just looked back innocently. “What? I’ve known I’m attracted to girls since I was twelve. If I could work that out, surely a gay guy could know at the same age.”
He stared down at Tristan and asked, “When did you know you like girls?”
Tristan gave a short, sharp bark of laughter. “Okay, you win on that one. I knew around that age, too.
“Tony’s never had a girlfriend. Maybe he’s straight and just doesn’t know what he’s missing.” he suggested.
Tony snorted at Tristan’s comment, but kept quiet. From the way he crossed his arms and glared at his brother, it looked like that was a discussion they’d had before.
“Have you ever had a boyfriend, Tristan?” Scott asked. “If not, maybe you’re really gay and just don’t know it yet.”
Tristan opened his mouth, but closed it without saying anything. I could appreciate how he felt. Scott, by turning it around, had made it obvious that that argument wasn’t going to go anywhere.
Tristan’s eyebrows narrowed as he looked across at Adam and Scott. “What about the idea that it’s just a phase that some guys go through?”
Adam and Scott exchanged glances. Scott dropped his gaze to the table, while Adam sighed heavily and shook his head sadly.
“That idea can really mess us up,” Adam said. “I tried for two years to believe it, and just made more problems for myself.” He looked over at Tony. “Do you feel it’s a phase? Do you have any interest in girls?”
“No and no,” Tony replied firmly. “I know what I feel and I’m sure it’s not a phase.”
“What’s your position in all of this, Tristan?” Chris asked cautiously. “You’re here, so you care for your brother, but you’re sounding like you’re not sure about the whole thing.”
Tristan looked down. There was a long pause before he raised his head and answered.
“I don’t know what to think. He’s my brother, that’s number one. I just don’t understand this ‘gay’ thing and I can’t work out what it means.”
“It means I like guys,” Tony replied, exasperated. It was clear to me that he’d tried explaining that to Tristan many times before.
“It means he’s going to need his family to support him when outsiders get abusive,” Adam added.
“And friends to tell him there’s nothing wrong with him,” Randy stated, serious for a change.
“It means that, unless he’s lucky,” Scott said, flicking a smile at Adam, “he’s going to have trouble finding a partner.”
“And he’s going to have to put up with ignorant arseholes who yell abuse because they don’t know anything about gays,” I put in, thinking back to the fateful night when I found out about Adam.
“He runs the risk of losing friends and family because of something he has no control over,” Chris said quietly, “so keeping the ones he has is even more important to him.”
Tristan and Tony were looking wide-eyed at all of us, as their heads jerked around to catch whoever was speaking. They mustn’t have expected the responses they were getting.
“You had some issues on the religious side, too, didn’t you, Tristan,” I stated, rather than asked. “Did Sister Brenda help you there?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, she did. I’m still not sure, but I’m giving Tony the benefit of the doubt in that area.”
“Tristan, I’m glad you don’t understand this ‘gay thing’, as you call it,” Adam said. “You don’t want to. Can you imagine what it’s like to be constantly hiding a part of you that sets you apart from all your friends? To be so afraid of saying something that might reveal you’re gay that you try going too far the other way? Having to worry about which friends you’re going to lose when they finally learn the truth, and being desperate to keep that day as far away as possible, but always knowing that today could be that day?”
I caught the way his eyes flicked to me as he mentioned losing friends. I made a face, and then forced myself back into a neutral expression as I mentally crossed my fingers that I was fixing that mistake.
Scott was staring into space, his eyes unfocused. “To be so depressed by all of it that you sometimes wonder if life is still worth living? To actually have to go searching for something that makes you want to be alive?” he asked in a distant tone.
Adam and Chris both stiffened in shock when Scott said that. He’d said something similar when I’d chatted with him the night he came out to my family. I just hadn’t realised how bad it had been.
“Is that how you feel?” Tristan asked Tony quickly, almost panicky.
“No, but I know what he means. It’s never been that bad for me,” Tony answered with a shake of his head.
Scott turned and smiled at Adam, who looked like he wanted to ask something but was afraid to. “Those days are gone, now, Adam, but yes, I went through times like that. That’s why I’m fighting so hard to keep you in my life.”
“Fighting?” Tristan asked, perplexed at the strange reference.
Chris was gnawing at his lower lip, trying to work out if he should say anything. Scott noticed that and nodded permission to his brother.
“Scott came out to our parents a couple of days ago,” Chris explained. “His relationship with Adam is a bone of contention with our mum.”
“It’s also why Chris and I have spent the last two nights here,” Scott added, still smiling at Adam. “We’re hoping we’ll be going home later today.”
Adam leant forward, as if he was going to give Scott a kiss, but backed off when he realised where he was. Instead, he turned to look across the table at Tony and Tristan.
“All of that is why Scott was willing to come out to you and Tony today, Tristan. He’s willing to risk you outing him at school, so that Tony doesn’t have to go through some of the things we’ve been through. Tony needs to know there are other gay guys out there, and that he’s normal.”
“Gays aren’t the norm, but they’re still normal,” Randy stated firmly.
“That’s from one of your web sites, isn’t it?” I asked him.
“Well, they’re not mine, but yeah. It’s part of some notes on how to help your parents understand. A lot of people get confused between the norm and normal. Left-handed people aren’t the norm, but they’re normal. Gays are the same,” Randy explained.
Tristan nodded his head slowly. “Okay, that makes sense. Thanks, Randy.”
“How long have you been out to your brother, Tony?” Chris asked.
“A couple of months. I told him because I thought he’d understand.”
We all heard the hurt tone in his voice. When Tristan made a face and refused to make eye contact with anyone, I guessed how it’d turned out.
“If Tristan came up here to check us out first, then things must be going okay,” I said hesitantly.
“I found out about the phone call after he rang Randy,” Tristan growled through clenched teeth, glaring at his brother. “He didn’t give me a lot of choice in the matter.”
“I had to ring then, or I wouldn’t’ve had the nerve to do it later. It took me three tries before I did it, as it was! You didn’t have to come here; that was your decision.”
“As if I’d let you out yourself to someone without me being there, just in case! If I didn’t come with you, you would’ve just snuck off while my back was turned,” Tristan snapped.
“Easy, you two,” Chris said quickly. “It’s done and it looks like it’s all worked out fine in the end. Tristan, if you have problems or questions, you can talk to me. I’m in the same boat, having a gay brother, and I’ve known about Scott for around the same amount of time.”
There was a war of expressions on Tristan’s face as he stared at Chris. Chris just sat there patiently, waiting for Tristan’s response. Everyone else held their breath.
“Can you give me advice on obnoxious little brothers, too?”
Everyone cracked up at the wry tone with which Tristan asked his question.
Chris laughed. “Yeah, sure. Just don’t expect me to know what to do with them. Sometimes I think they should’ve been drowned at birth.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. I’m the one who has to put up with a big brother that snores so loudly he keeps everyone else in the house awake,” Scott complained.
“I don’t snore!” Chris growled.
“Yes, you do!” Randy and Scott chorused.
Everyone relaxed as the tension was broken.
I invited Tristan and Tony to stay for lunch, but they decided against it. Tristan said he already had a lot to think about. Tony looked disappointed, but he didn’t contradict his brother. I showed Tristan where he could have a quick shower, and then I returned to the others.
While his brother was gone, Tony turned to Randy. “Do you mind if I start hanging out with you and your friends at school?” he asked eagerly.
Randy hesitated and flicked a concerned glance to the others around the table.
“That may not be a good idea for now,” Adam said. “Wait until things calm down. We don’t want you to get caught up in anything.”
“Randy will be there to make sure I don’t get hurt,” Tony pointed out.
“I can’t be there in your classes,” Randy said. “Anyway, if you start hanging out with me, some people will suspect you’re gay.”
“But… I am!”
“Yeah, but we don’t want everyone to know it, do we?” Randy pointed out gently.
Tony’s face fell. “I suppose not,” he muttered. He then brightened. “What about going to a movie together, though? That’d be okay, wouldn’t it?”
“Maybe,” Randy replied, looking uncomfortable.
“I don’t see a problem with you and Tristan going to see a movie with all of us,” Scott said, a faint grin playing across his face.
“What’s this about movies?” Tristan asked as he came back in, looking refreshed and more relaxed.
“Tony was just asking about going out,” Adam explained. “We’ve already told him it wouldn’t be a good idea to hang out around us at school, at least not yet.”
“Too right!” Tristan stated forcefully. He stared down at his brother. “Are you trying to get yourself into trouble?”
“Randy won’t let anyone pick on me,” Tony blustered back.
“But it’s still not a good idea,” I added. “Wait a few weeks, at least, and let’s see how things go.”
“Okay,” Tony sighed, getting to his feet. “Randy, will you show me where I can have a shower?” he asked, picking up his backpack.
While Tony was gone, I asked a question that had been bothering me.
“Tristan, Tony rang back on Wednesday night to talk to Adam. Did you know about that beforehand?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
“If you were that concerned, why did you let him ring?”
He gave a short, bitter laugh. “As if I could’ve stopped him.”
Sighing, he looked over at Adam before continuing. “However, I didn’t mind. I know you, Adam, and, strange as it may sound, I trust you. I don’t understand you, but I don’t understand my brother, either. If he needs to talk to someone, as he keeps telling me, I’m happy for that person to be you.” After pausing for a moment, he added, “And, you too, Scott.”
“Thanks, Tristan,” Adam replied simply. He didn’t really need to say anything more.
We talked for another hour before they left. It was clear to me that while Tristan wanted to protect and help his brother, he was still uncertain about his being gay. He seemed keen for Adam and Scott to be good role models for Tony, expressing concern about what sort of life Tony would be living as he grew up. There was only one thing that spoiled Tony and Tristan’s visit, and Randy mentioned it as soon as they had left.
“Adam, Scott, I need your help. I thi