This is gay-oriented
fiction. I don't like writing ‘bout sex, so you won't find it here. I might
suggest some of it, but no hardcore. This story is not about my life, although
certain people portrayed in the story may be real. There is no sex… blah, blah,
blah. You know the rest. If you've come this far, I can't stop you anymore.
IMPORTANT NOTE: A line
across the page indicates a change in narrators. That's just to help you read.
Less confusion if I tell you ahead of time.
6/9/04: This chapter and the preceding five chapters
have been meticulously re-edited by Aaron, a crewmember at www.themailcrew.com, from an earlier
version that was posted elsewhere.
Thanks, Aaron.
by Ryan Keith
Kayden isn’t who I thought he was. From the moment he
stumbled into that classroom, I had imagined him to be this innocent dude who
had the greatest personality. Well, he does have a great personality, but he
also hides a dark past. The recent revelations by Kayden are hard to believe,
but the seriousness of his gaze and the strength of his voice had upheld his
words. Kayden is a runaway. He suffered back at his home, then stumbled into a
new life, and already has lost two very important people in that life. He
changed his last name, has a tendency to fight when needed, was involved in a
gang-related incident, and moved to Whitby at the request of his late guardian.
It seems that I have described a problematic boy who got involved in crime, but
to me he’s perfect. In the short time that I've known him, Kayden has
demonstrated supreme skills in physical education and, according to Mai, has
proven to be very artistic.
His hair is perfect, his eyes mesmerizing, his lips
smooth, and he has a strikingly fit body. I remember the day I saw him at the
recreation center where I swim. I watched his body glisten with his sweet
nectar as he ran the indoor track, his cut body moving synchronously like a
machine. For a kid our age he’s well developed. I remember the tough physical
competition between Kayden and Jett during the opening days of school. Most of
all, I remember those blue jewels in his eyes. The cool -- and at times icy --
blue eyes that seem to see everything. The mysterious phenomenon of his eyes turning
into the pale grey when he’s serious or angry. His entire existence is a
mystery, yet I feel so close to him. I can still feel his gentle kiss. His
smile is a wonder of its own. Let's not forget about that grin. He can turn
heads a full circle when he walks down a hallway with that grin loaded.
Before I knew it, it was Monday. The Toronto events were
growing fainter in my head. Nothing had really happened with my dad after he
checked me out of the hospital on Sunday. He asked what was up. I told him
everything, except the truth about Kayden, the same as what I had told the
police. For all I cared, everything was over. That Neil guy is still in
juvenile jail, and his friends who attacked me won’t bother us again.
Things
were hectic with the guys and me on Monday morning. When we saw one another it
was like New Years. We were so happy to see one another. No one had suffered
any real damage, except maybe Jett. He seemed kinda distant even though he was
happy to see me. I didn't really notice it then, because Shin made a big enough
scene to make up for Jett's lack of enthusiasm. The moment I saw Shin, he
literally pounced on me. Scott was his normal self, cocky and loud.
"I had a headache at the time. If I was at my peak,
those guys wouldn't have stood a chance," he told us.
We were all early that morning, about thirty minutes
ahead of the bell. We sat outside by the stone benches, enjoying the silence.
It wasn't really awkward; I guess we were just content with everything.
"Hey, boys!"
I was surprised to see Mai with Maya. I didn't know they
knew each other. For one thing, Mai is this superior lady who has a backbone,
and Maya is a beautiful goddess who seems to do everything with a touch of
grace.
We waved to them as they came closer. I couldn't help but
grin when Mai walked behind Shin and wrapped her arms around his neck, then
down to his chest. Shin turned his head and lightly kissed her, making her
smile like I’d never seen before. It was like two opposites canceling. The
restless Shin becoming a calm gentleman, and straightforward and bold Mai
giggling with a soft smile. I looked at them with happiness and envy. I wanted
that kind of love, too.
"Okay, you don't need to advertise. We know,
already," Scott complained, with a hint of distaste. "I mean, we're
outside the school. Save it for the library or the janitor's closet."
Mai smacked Scott on the back of the head while Shin
grinned. Sometimes I wonder how far that fool really has gone with her. Scott
decided to just shut his mouth after catching dagger-like glares from Maya and
Jett. I was happy with this -- well, almost happy. ‘Happy’ would be me with
Kayden as well. I guess someone was smiling down on me just then.
"Uh, hey guys!"
I turned towards the boy's voice, already knowing who it
was. Kayden was looking as beautiful as ever. His knapsack was around one arm,
his left hand holding onto it; his other hand deep in his pocket. His pants
were as baggy as usual, and his shirt was unbuttoned and hanging. That same cool necklace hung from his neck.
"You better watch it, Kade," Maya warned in a
playful voice. "The General is going to pop a vein if you don’t button and
tuck."
Mr.
Sergeant is commonly known as The General. Everyone hates him, and he knows it.
The three of us laughed at the image of our religion teacher making an ass of
himself, again.
"Oh, Kade, did you finish that
three-point-perspective drawing for art?" Mai asked, returning to her
original position around Shin's neck.
"Umm, not really. I was sort of busy over the weekend."
"So I've heard. I'm glad
nothing serious happened to you guys," Mai said coolly.
We all just stared widely at her while Shin shuddered.
Maya just looked around, obviously missing something.
"Oh, umm, I sorta told her about the incident,"
Shin explained, somewhat embarrassed.
"What incident?" Maya asked.
It came out like a flood. Mai replayed the entire night
through the words of Shin. Of course it was horrendously modified, since it
ended with the attackers running away and Kayden tripping and cutting his hand
while he tried to run after them.
The moment of truth finally arrived when Scott asked the
million dollar question. "Why were you there in the first place? It's
kinda suspicious that you showed up after those punks jumped Zac." There was
a sharp edge to Scott's voice. It was almost like he was making an accusation.
"Well, his aunt lives in the area. He just happened
to see you guys running around when you went looking for me," I lied. I
wanted to help. I didn't want Kayden to be seen as a dangerous guy.
"I was at dinner at a cool restaurant with my aunt
when I saw Zac run out of Swiss Chalet. I thought something was up,"
Kayden said, playing along with the fake aunt bit.
"How bad is your hand?" Maya asked. I was
surprised to see it wasn't as bad as I had thought it was. His hand had a small
bandage, but when he removed it, the cut looked small.
"Not too bad, just a piece of metal that was lying
around. I was just clumsy."
"Yeah, well, I think it seems too much of a
coincidence that he shows up the moment Zac is in trouble. It's almost
too convenient," Scott said, almost like he was angry. There was
definitely something in his voice. I knew he didn't like Kayden, but he didn't
need to be an asshole about it.
"Why are you being such an idiot? He just saved your
life, and you don't even thank him?" Maya questioned, her voice carrying a
bit more anger than I'm used too.
"Oh, and how exactly does this apply to you? I
really didn’t ask for your opinion. You're always like this. Butting into
things that don't concern you. I mean…"
"EXCUSE ME! But I'm just worried that you guys were
hurt. Why don't you just swallow your pride and thank him. Lose some of that
ego. You're always being so impossible. Remember when… " Maya was acting
different than I was used to. I kinda liked her like that. She seemed more
natural.
I wasn’t too lost in the argument to realize that Jett
wasn't with us anymore. I looked around and caught a glimpse of him walking
around the corner of the building.
"You
always bring that up. Can’t you think of any other thing besides… "
I
quietly made an escape while Scott and Maya continued their bickering. No one
noticed me slip away; they were all engrossed in what was unfolding before
them. I smiled at their childishness.
I knew why Jett had walked away. The events of that day
were still tormenting him. The fact that he hadn’t been there for me probably
was hurting him more than I realized. As I wandered the school grounds, I saw
him heading towards the wooded area.
Why would he go
there? He doesn't smoke up.
I followed him through the branched maze. We were
walking through a tight area. The other side, near the residential
neighbourhood, is pretty big. Some kids even get lost there. I tried to follow
Jett as fast as I could. As I continued to walk I realized I wasn't following
him anymore. I stopped in my tracks and scanned around. I could see nothing but
trees, and hear nothing but nature.
"It'll take a million years for you to be able to
sneak up on me, Zac."
I turned around and found Jett behind me. I knew that
what his sister had told me was true. At that moment, the strong Jett I knew
looked vulnerable, like a lost boy.
"Follow me," he said.
I did as he asked. We were probably going to miss our
first period, but I didn't care. This was something Jett and I needed to do.
Jett led me around through the trees. I knew where we were going; a place where
we used to hang out as younger kids, to escape the world. It’s a great place,
in an open area. The long grass was silently moving, and the leaves on the
trees brushed against each other as we came to a stop.
He turned to me, seeming to emit a strong force. I felt
like he was towering over me.
"Listen to me for one second. No interruptions,
okay?" He said in a calm yet commanding voice. I just nodded my head.
"I need to know where we stand. I’m your best
friend, right?" he asked. I nodded
again and he continued. "And you're my best friend. I would never hurt
you. You know that. But sometimes I feel like you’re hiding stuff from me. I
have never hidden anything from you. So why do you have to start now? We’ve
been best friends since we were kids. I'm not going to throw away all we’ve
been through, for anything. Even if you went on a mass murdering spree, I would
defend you, saying you're an angel who wouldn't hurt a fly." I smiled a
bit at the thought. "So you see, nothing – NOTHING -- you do or say will
make my friendship with you change." Jett looked sadly at the bright blue
sky. "I almost lost you. If Kayden hadn’t shown up, things would have been
a lot worse. I know those punks didn't just run away. I know that’s a knife
wound on his hand. The nurses were talking about it. And I know Kayden wasted
at least two of the bastards. His fists aren't bruised for no reason." I
could almost hear him gritting his teeth, his anger boiling. I
might have to tell him the truth.
"Another thing… " He turned to me, his face
fuming. He stepped closer to me, and I was sure he was going to deck me for
causing so much trouble. To tell the truth, I probably deserved it.
He lifted his arms and I clamped my eyes shut, willing to
accept the punishment I deserved. It didn't come. Instead, I felt his strong
arms wrap tightly around me, his head fitting perfectly between my neck and
shoulders. I felt him tremble a bit. I lifted my arms to hold him. I could tell
he was crying.
"Hey man, I'm still here. I'm not dead. You still
have me," I whispered. I felt his body shake uncontrollably. Knowing I had
caused him this pain made me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t believe I had made
him hurt so much. He deserved to know, but I still couldn’t tell him. Was I
scared? Yeah. He might still care for me if I killed people, but would he still
want me as a friend if I was gay?
"Don't ever
run from me, please. Fuck, man, you scared the hell out of me when I found you
collapsed in Kayden's arms. I thought you had died, you fucker. I almost lost
my best friend." He totally lost it at that moment. "If you do this
again I will seriously deck you," he swore.
I
smiled and replied, "Yeah, sure. I won’t. That’s a promise."
"So,
you gonna tell me what was up with you that night in the restaurant?" he
asked in a calmer, serious voice.
I
froze. I knew it would come to this. I still couldn’t tell him. There is too
much that I don’t yet understand about myself. I didn't know what to say.
"Jett,
I don't think I can tell you, yet." I looked up at him and he held my
gaze. He wasn't angry. I guess he was going to hear me out. "There's so
much I don't know at the moment. It might be too early for me to explain. I
don't even know how to explain it. Do you think you can give me some time to
figure it out? You're right: I had a problem that day. But I need to face it.
When I'm ready, I’ll tell you." I looked away towards the trees.
"Just not now.” I stood quietly waiting for him to respond. After getting
no response I turned my head slightly to see my best friend, my rock, smiling
at me.
I
knew the bell had definitely already rung. It didn’t matter. When was the last
time it was just Jett and me? We sat around in the soft grass, remembering the
days we had spent in the forest in earlier years.
"You
know, I actually brought my first girl here. She thought it was boring. I knew
she wasn't for me the moment she said that. No one insults my childhood."
"Oh,
was it that Megan girl? The snobbish one?" He nodded, and I pretended to
spew my guts out.
"She
is such a ditz. Honestly, what made you date that idiot?"
"Hey,
I thought she was a little different. I like a girl with a personality. She was
just way too obnoxious and into herself. You saw how she prattled around after
she started dating me. It was like I was only something for her to show off to
her friends. Never going for that type
again."
"And
how about the girl you're seeing now?" I asked with interest.
"I
don't know. She's kind of distant. She won't even hold hands. She doesn't
return calls. And all day Sunday she was out. I left a message and she totally
didn’t return it. I don't think it’s going to happen with her. It's a shame,
too. I think she’s kinda cute."
"Yeah,
well, if I was her I’d be scared to date a man whore, too."
I felt his playful yet painful
punch land on my arm as I laughed my ass off. He just smiled and blushed a
little.
"So
who's the next target?" I asked.
"Well,
actually, I've been really attracted to Maya for a long time. But she seems way
out of my league. I don't think I have a chance."
This was sort of cool. I could
so see them going out. They compliment each other. "Go for it. As if you
didn’t know, you’re one of the most-wanted guys in our grade."
"Yeah, with you being the number one most-wanted guy in our grade. She wants you, man. She's always around you, and inviting you to sit with her. And you keep turning her down. What's with you? Why don’t you go for it?"
"I
don't know. I think you look better with her," I complimented.
"So
what about you? I’ve never seen you go out with a girl. Too scared, or are you
gay?" he asked in a joking tone.
I
let out a bogus laugh, sort of offended on the inside. I couldn't tell where he
stood. I decided to test him, to see what I could find out.
"Well,
what if I was gay?"
"Hmm…
" He seemed to be thinking about the possibility. "Well, I don't
think it would matter. You still would be Zac. It's not like you’d be a girl or
something. You’re not a transsexual are you?" he asked with a curious
stare.
I
laughed hard at the thought. At the same time, my heart felt free.
He's ok with it. Oh my God. Why did I ever doubt him?
I
smiled up at the sky with satisfaction. I lay back with my hands behind my
head, staring at some faint clouds. I saw Jett lean over and stare at me.
"Something
about this conversation makes me wonder what it's like to kiss another
guy."
"W-what?"
I asked in confusion. I felt my cheeks flare up.
"Well,
you really can't just let it go without giving it a shot. I'm sure all guys
think of it at one time or another." He grinned a bit.
I
swallowed hard. "So you want to see what it's like?"
"I
wouldn't mind giving it a shot," he replied. His eyes were sort of
glittering. They had a hold on me. I couldn't look away. "If I were going
to try it, I can't think of a better person than my best friend." He gave
me a bit of a cocky smile. Something he rarely does. He must have caught it
from Scott. I felt my heart beating fast. This was way too unreal. I lay
immobilized while he slowly lowered his head.
"You
want to see too, right?" he whispered. I could feel his breath. I could
hear him breathe. I closed my eyes. I could feel him drawing even closer to me.
The heat from his face told me he was close. And then I felt it. His lips. As
soft as I had imagined. I breathed him in, taking in as much of his scent as I
could. It didn't end there. I felt his mouth open, I felt my mouth open, and
then a warm, wet object invaded my mouth. I opened my eyes wide in shock. His
eyes were closed as his tongue explored my mouth. I don’t know what got into
me, but I suddenly went off into a trance, as my eyes slowly closed. I moved my
tongue to meet his. Alone in the woods of our youth, my best friend and I
shared my first real kiss. I realized the one with Kayden had been nothing more
than a peck.
It
was like we both knew time was up. He lifted his head and grinned down at me.
Both of us were breathing hard. He looked very sexy. I felt like we had just
shared the most intimate feeling in the world. His lips began to curve into
that cocky smile. I felt happy for the girl who would melt each time he brought
that out.
"Wow,"
he said.
"Yeah,
that was intense," I said, slightly embarrassed.
"Now
I know what it's like," he said, sort of triumphantly. His cheeks were
red. "But I think I prefer the girls. No offence, but it was kind of
weird."
I sat up and smacked his arm. " You idiot, it was weird because you were kissing your best friend."
He
grinned wildly and cocked one eyebrow. "What was it like to have your
virgin lips stolen by a whore like me?"
I
sighed. I'm not about to let him get the best of me.
"Well,
I'm kinda disappointed. You're a horrible kisser."
He
grabbed at his heart like he was hurt. To say the truth, my heart was going a
million beats a minute. It was so intense, so much better than I had expected.
I was glad it happened. Although I would definitely want to do that with
Kayden, doing it with Jett was amazing. He's not my type of boyfriend, but he's
definitely my best friend. I felt like our friendship had reached a new level.
"We
cool?" he asked in an innocent tone.
I
turned to him and smiled. "Yeah, we’re cool."
By
the time Jett and I got back to school, we had already missed half of the
period. Regardless, we signed in and went to our classrooms. Both Maya and
Kayden gave me worried looks, but I smiled to emphasize nothing was wrong.
The
class was pretty much useless for me. While our teacher preached about
something regarding Christianity, I was thinking back to the moments spent with
Jett. Besides the kiss, everything we had talked about had to sink into my
head. I felt bad as a friend, because I couldn't make myself trust Jett like I
should. I decided to be more honest with myself, and with my friends. One thing
that needed to be cleared up soon was my sexual orientation. Jett, I knew,
wouldn’t be an issue.
Shin has mentioned something about gay rights once or twice. His cousin is openly gay and Shin supports him all the way. Sometimes he laughs, imagining what his cousin might do with another guy. He buckles his knees and holds them for support while he laughs his ass off. I don’t see why a gay relationship would make him laugh so hard, but Shin has the mentality of a six-year-old, at times. I remember hearing about Shin's uncontrollable outburst during sex ed last year. It had been such an issue because students who were with him also began to laugh. The teacher found it almost impossible to contain him. I'm sure he’ll be supportive when I tell him.
My
only concern is Scott. He had made it clear to me that day in Toronto that he
doesn’t approve of gay people. I wonder how big of a shock it would be if he
found out about me.
I need to confront him about his attitude.
Maybe I can make him less hostile towards gays, including me. The last thing I
want is to turn my friend into an enemy. I'll have to reach out to him.
I
watched as time slowly passed while I half listened to my teacher's speech.
Later, though, time was passing too fast as I walked towards the cafeteria.
I can't do this! YES, I can! It has to be done. One way or another I'll
have to come out. I need to reach out to Scott.
I
scanned the lunchroom and focused my eyes on a medium-height boy whose face was
stuffed with cheese curds and gravy. His brown hair contrasted with blond
highlights waved in the air as he rocked his head to the music he was listening
to on the Discman I bought him a couple of years ago for his birthday. I'm
surprised he still has it. I slowly approached the two-seated table. He looked
up and smiled that mischievous smile. He wasn't even thinking of doing
something bad, it was just his way of smiling. It always looks like he’s
planning something.
I
walked the rest of the way to Scott and sat down, returning the smile. He
returned to his food. I stared at him as he consumed his lunch. Moments passed.
If anyone were paying attention to us, it would have looked like I was checking
him out. Some girls say he’s quite hot, but some people are turned off by his
cocky attitude and his immaturity. Yet I know that ninety-nine percent of the
girls who look down on his overconfidence and sense of mischief actually want
him. No matter what those girls say, they want him, but they don't want their
friends to know that. Scott gives the skater boy impression, which is why some
girls don’t hang around him. They’re too stuck up with their fake-faced friends
and their own popularity groups to ever socialize with him. They don’t want to
be involved with some white trash skater boy, which is too bad for them,
because Scott is everything but that. He’s a great friend, and someone I can
always depend on. His straightforwardness and blunt words are often more
realistic than my wishful thinking. He likes to see the whole picture of
things. He’s honest with who he is, and he isn’t afraid to show it. So much
about him I knew, and so much about me I wanted to share.
Scott
finally looked away from his food.
"What
are you looking at?"
"I
was just thinking how I should thank you," I replied, with my face resting
on the palm of my hand. "Or did you forget you helped save me?"
"Like
I said, man, it was nothing. I'm just embarrassed I was in my weakened state.
Those bastards would have had another thing coming if I was at my prime."
"Sure,
buddy," I said in a sarcastic tone.
"It's
true. They would have." He was almost pouting.
This is it. Now see if you can draw him in.
"Yeah,
overall I think it was a great day. Besides the alley part, I had a great
time."
He
took a swig of his pop and looked at me. "Yeah, it was cool. Except when
that bellboy fag tried to hit on us."
It
was as if that word was now commonly used in his vocabulary. I was a bit angry,
but I had him where I wanted him.
"He
was a nice guy, and he didn't really try to hit on us. He was just being
friendly."
He
seemed a bit angry, too. "How couldn't you see it? He was clearly a
cocksucker faggot. Those people are disgusting. How can… "
"Scott,
don't use words like that. They're people, too. What makes you hate them so
much? This isn't like you, man."
"I
don't know. I just hate those people. It doesn't make sense to me. How can two
guys… you know… fuck each other? It's not right. It's not meant to be," he
said, a bit more on the calm side.
"Yeah,
but it's their natural orientation, right? I mean, it's not like you're gonna
be watching them screw. Sure, maybe a few who aren't shy are gonna wonder if
you're interested in them or not, but… I just don't want you to become a
basher, you know? You're better than that. When you say those words, you say
them with disgust and anger."
"But
it's wrong!"
"Let
me finish. I know you mean it in a joking way when you play pranks and stuff,
but this is different. What if later on your anger towards gay people becomes
more direct? You know how much I hate bullies, and you know how much I can't
stand people ganging up on other people. I just don't want to see you do that.
I won't stand for it." My eyes told him I wasn't lying. I wasn't going to
let my friend be a basher.
Scott
looked at me seriously as well. "I’m not going to beat up on gay people. I
don't understand it, and I don't like it, but that doesn’t mean I'm gonna kill
them. I may say some crude things, but that’s as far as it will go."
"It's
those crude things that bother me. You're lucky no one heard you say those
words you said a minute ago. What if someone who’s gay overheard you? How would
that make them feel? They already have to deal with hiding who they are,
because they gotta worry that someone like you is going to hunt them out. Those
words hurt, man. You don't have to understand it, just respect them."
"Why
are you so uptight about what happens to them? Why do you care what happens to
them?" he asked. His face wore a mask of surprise and at the same time,
hardness.
"If
I don't care, who will? Think about how many of them are out there. They don't
know who is or who isn't also gay, because bigots make them have to hide their
true selves. They live their lives in fear. That's not right."
"Well,
I won't attack them. I might look down on someone who’s gay, but I won't say
anything to their face. And I still don't approve of it."
"You
don't have too. Just respect them."
He
looked at me and grinned. "You’re always the one to look out for anyone
who’s in trouble. Remember Brad Canning?"
How
could I forget? It was the first time I got suspended. A kid was being picked
on by five kids his own age who were bigger than him. We were in grade 7 and
they were in grade 8. I somehow dragged Jett, Scott, and Shin into the fight
and turned it into an all-out brawl. We won, of course. Our prize was a
three-day suspension and a boost in pride. It was a shame, though. Brad moved
away after the incident. He had kept the bullying to himself as long as he could,
but when it finally came to light after the fight, his parents thought it was
better for them move.
"Yeah,
I hope the little guy is doing all right where he is. He deserves the
best," I said.
"True.
Maybe he'll come by sometime and thank us for taking those hits for him. Talk
about cold. He just packed up and left. Is that what you gain from sticking up
for people?"
"I
feel better about myself every day. It's better than just watching it happen
and doing nothing. Plus, it made us more popular, right?" I joked.
"For
you, maybe. The three of us were just branded as your underlings or
lackeys." He grinned.
"You
know you guys are more than that."
"I
know. Just jostling with ya. Let’s get going. Bell's about to ring."
Overall, I had to say the day was going great. I had
fixed things up with Jett. I had a personal talk with Scott and sorted out some
issues. Shin isn’t really a concern. I know he would be supportive of me. I was
happy when I went to my final class of the day, phys ed, with Jett and Kayden.
When I walked in I saw Jett openly speaking with Kayden.
Both seemed to be in good moods. Jett was laughing while Kayden talked.
Kayden's smile was grand. I love it the way his smile makes me weak. I had a
hard time walking straight but made my best effort.
"Yo… Jett, Kade!" I called out. They both
turned to me and smiled. What a sight. My best friend and the boy of my dreams,
both really good looking. Jett’s like a brother, though. Although we shared a
kiss, it was nothing more than an experiment to either of us. I know and
understand that. I don't regret it. Kayden, though… Wow. Everything I ever wanted in a guy.
His
past is haunting, but I want to be there for him. I have the feeling he has
something for me, as much as I have something for him. We haven't talked about
that embarrassing moment when I realized he kissed me. I want to make my move
soon. Maybe claim my man. It feels good to think about that.
We started off with a few warm-up laps around the gym,
Jett easily taking the lead. I held back for a reason. I’m a faster runner than
Jett, but he always seems to be in a competing mood. He shows that side best
when he plays hockey.
I stayed behind knowing Kayden would be right beside me.
We went at a decent pace while other runners fell behind us. I spoke without
turning to him, "Come over today?"
"Sure."
We continued to run. My face was feeling red. I was
wondering what might develop. Kayden just wore a wild grin. I was glad we were
wearing long t-shirts. They hide your state real well. I wanted to kick him for
making me feel like that in public. It's not like he meant to, but still. It
made running a lot harder.
"So, uh… do you want something to drink, or
something?" I asked nervously.
Kayden replied in an equally nervous tone, "Umm… no
thanks. Well, yeah. Can I have water?"
"W-water? Sure, I'll be right back," I
stuttered.
I made my way to the kitchen. I stared at the sink for a
minute, trying to calm my senses. I ran a glass of water from the purified tap.
I was too nervous. I ran my hands under warm water and splashed some on my
face. I stared out the window over the sink. The rows of different flowers that
bloomed on the glass rack stared back at me. It was as if they were cheering
for me, telling me to make my move.
Why am I so nervous? I know he has feelings for me.
That's what that kiss meant, right? What if he was just acting like Jett,
wanting to try it out? What if he didn't like it? NO, he wouldn't be here if it
meant that. He seems nervous. We’re both in the same boat. This is something
new for both of us.
I took the glass of water and gulped it down. Damn, that was supposed to be for Kayden.
I stood there frowning at the glass.
________________________________________________________________
Shit! Grab a hold of yourself you stupid idiot. Remain calm.
He likes you. Right? Or maybe he doesn't. He didn't return the kiss. You just
took it.
"Dammit! I don’t know whether he was angry, shocked,
or neither. I thought he was asleep when it kissed him," I whispered in
frustration.
I was alone in Zac's living room, staring at everything
but seeing nothing. I had to calm down.
Remember what Rick
said. “Find that void in yourself and jump inside it. From there work your way
out. In a state of peacefulness you can overcome great obstacles.”
I closed my eyes, trying to find the void. I imagined my
surroundings disappearing one by one until I was left in total darkness. I
eased my breath until I could hear my heartbeat. I opened my mind to calming
thoughts. I imagined the wind blowing in an open field of green. The warm sun
hanging lazily over the grassland. A simple rock in the middle of nowhere. I
could feel the warm rays, feel the calming breeze. Everything was visible. The
grass, the sun, Zac's smile… Zac's smile? What the hell?
I stumbled out of the void feeling annoyed. My face was
burning and I could feel my heart beating faster than I ever knew was possible.
Void, my ass. Shit,
I'm even more nervous. What am I doing here?
I paced around the room trying to disperse the heat from
my face. When I saw that was doing nothing, I literally jumped up and down in
frustration.
Why does he make me
feel this way? Arrgh! I want him so bad. He's so great. He's got a perfect
face. I love his honesty and his kindness. His body is perfect. Not too tall,
but not short. His wavy brown hair, those glowing brown-golden eyes, his warm
voice... everything about him makes me want to scream.
I realized I was blushing again and began to pace around
the room until I grew tired of that. I suddenly realized I had been pacing
around for more than five minutes and that Zac hadn’t returned. I wondered if
everything was all right. I made my way to the kitchen, silencing my footsteps.
It was like I had discovered the lost ark. Zac stood
staring at some flowers in front of him. He gently reached out and touched the
petal of a red blooming orchid. The sun created a gentle glow around him. He
was bathed in light as he gently caressed the piece of nature between his soft
fingers. I knew he was smiling. The empty glass told me he had used the water
for himself. Before I knew what was happening, I let go. With ease and stealth,
I walked towards him, no longer feeling scared or nervous, just knowing what I
wanted and what I had to do.
________________________________________________________________
I stared blankly outside. The sun was shining in on
me. Suddenly I felt peace within my heart. Any sense of nervousness or anxiety
I had felt was replaced by calming thoughts. I took in a clear breath, closing my
eyes to embrace the calmness.
I sensed someone creeping up behind me and then felt arms
gently wrapping around my waist. I could feel a warm body pressed against mine.
Something nuzzling at my neck. Air, or someone's breath. I knew who it was. I
closed my eyes and let Kayden breathe me in. I slowly brought my hands up and
closed them over his, on my stomach. A warm, painful, yet sensual feeling
attacked the nape of my neck. It was wet. I melted in his arms as he rested his
head on my shoulder. I turned my head, facing him. His eyes were blue, crystal
clear, and moistened. They stared into my own eyes. As I inched my face closer
to him I closed my eyes, and I felt his mouth over mine. A million emotions
erupted at that instant. I breathed in all I could of him. I could smell his
shampoo, his soap. Our lips locked while we explored each other. His arms
gripped me tightly but gently. I tasted Kayden for the first time, and it was
amazing. The taste of him danced in my mouth. The kiss with Jett had been nothing,
compared to this. I could feel Kayden's lust for me. Everything I received from
him was more than I expected. His smells, his taste, the feeling of his arms
around me, were all too much. I was in overdrive, my feelings overtaking
reason.
I
spun around as he released his arms from me. I grabbed his right hand as our
mouths continued to explore. I moved him backwards and pinned him against the
kitchen wall. I held his right hand to the wall above his head as I pulled him
close to me with my other arm. I broke our kiss as I made my way to his neck.
At first I felt him shudder, then moan, as I lifted my
lips to his ear. I breathlessly whispered, "I’ve never felt this way
before. You make me feel right. I need you."
His voice echoed in my ear, " And I need you. I
think I love you."
"I know I love you," I replied with a smile. I
rested my head on his shoulder, his body still pinned between the wall and me.
"I think I found the answer, Rick," he
whispered.
I pulled back and
looked at the boy I love. His eyes were glistening, as he let the tears fall
freely.
He looked at me with a sad but happy smile. "The
reason why these things happen. I understand it now, everything. All that I
went through. It was to lead me here, to you." As more tears flowed, I pulled
him closer to me. His face buried into my chest.
My heart cried out hymns of happiness. I was holding in my arms the boy who had
captured my heart. It didn't matter that Kayden had run away. It didn't matter
that he was hiding his past. Nothing mattered. This boy had struggled for a
long time. When was the last time he was able to really let everything go? Rick
had been there for him. Now, I will be.
END OF CHAPTER 6
© 2004 Ryan Keith
BONUS!!!!!!!!!
Heeeeeey!!! Welcome to the Ryan Keith Corner^^ This might be a new thing.
Once in a while I might have a piece of poetry or something cool to post up.
This one is a very cool poem from a special person who gave it to me on
Valentine’s Day^^. I wanted to share. Enjoy, let me know what you think^^.
Forever Yours
by Keith ______, February 14, 2004
Do you remember?
Those words I swore my life to.
We knew so little, but it didn't matter.
The feelings were heartfelt, our words were honest.
No matter what happens,
The two hands will never part.
Everything fades into memories,
But this will last forever.
You gave life meaning,
I discovered a world I never knew.
I felt every emotion,
Love and hate; a line so finely drawn.
You've put me though so much,
And we found ourselves changing,
If I could have it any other way,
I would go through it again just to find you.
When I see you, I see everything,
Hopes, dreams, a future.
You do so much with just your smile; smile for me.
I could live for a thousand years and find no other.
At times I feel weak,
But you give me strength.
This world is harsh,
But you are my comfort.
I dream about you,
You find me in my sleep.
Everywhere I go,
I find your love waiting for me.
Your broad back protects me,
Hold me tight; I feel complete.
I offer you this;
The requiem of love,
Tomorrow will bring a new day,
And tonight, it's only you and me.
I offer my love to no other.
You have the best of me.
You are forever a jewel in my heart.
Here you guys go^^ A sort of late Valentine's gift from me to you. I hope
you all enjoyed this latest installment^^ Keep them E-mail's coming. I write
to read your e-mails^^ It's the most satisfying part of writing^^ Hehe. I
answer all e-mails. If I haven't then I am truly sorry. For some people, I
can't reply, and my message is returned to me. If you are one of these
people, then I am truly sorry, I did get your mail, and I really appreciate
it. If you can send again, I'll try to reply again. E-mail is
Ryan_Kayden@Rogers.comAnyways,
this chap was fun to write. Special
thanks to two special people who helped make this chap possible with their
kick-ass editing^^ Booyeah to both Drake and Dewey, both who are very, very
talented writers^ Check em out, they are great^^
Anyways, latez to everyone, and hope to send you the next installment, as
soon as I can^^