Summer Fun 2 (#7)

(Kyle's Perspective)
       Putting Tim on that plane was hard. He and I both cried a little, and I felt like a total dumbass for doing it right there in public. I kept telling myself it was only for a week and then I'd see him again. I think I might have been acting that way as much out of fear of what it would be like if something happened and he never made it back, as I was over missing him. I kept thinking about Jeff and what he must have gone through when Clay died. I mean, I knew Jeff had a rough time of it, but I didn't realize how rough until I started thinking about Tim being gone from my life.
       We hadn't gone to church Saturday night, like we usually did, because of the party. We went on Sunday night, instead. I had talked to Jerry a little bit at the party about wanting to talk to him about becoming a Catholic, and we made an appointment for after Mass that night. We always went out to the Pelican's Post to eat after Mass, and a lot of the time he came with us. That night, though, it would only be him and me, so we could talk.
       We shook hands when he came to the table. I got there about five minutes before he did, and I had already ordered a glass of iced tea. I didn't know what he wanted, otherwise I would have ordered for him.
       "That was a great party yesterday and last night," he said when he sat down. "Justin is a fine young man, just like all the rest of you guys."
       "Thanks, Jerry. He's my best friend, you know. I love that boy almost as much as I love Tim," I said.
       "It shows, Kyle."
       I chuckled.
       The waiter brought us menus, but Jerry and I had eaten there so often we already knew what we wanted. We didn't bother to read the menu. We just ordered.
       "How long have you been thinking about becoming a Catholic," he asked.
       "About a year, I guess, give or take a month or two. Tim's Catholic, and so are Kevin, Rick, Brian, and Jeff. It just seems right to do it," I said.
       "Don't do it for them, though. Do it for yourself. Do it for Kyle," he said.
       "Oh, I know. If I didn't know all of them, and you and Pat and Doc and Sonya and all the New Orleans people, I probably never would have thought about wanting to do it. But I do know all of y'all, and that makes it easier for me," I said.
       "Do you know what you'd have to do," he asked.
       "Not really."
       "You'll have to go through a program called the RCIA. That stands for the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. It takes about eight months. There will be a class starting right after Labor Day, and it will end when you're accepted into the Church at the Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday. That's the day before Easter. There are classes or some other kind of activity once a week, more or less. You'll have to have a sponsor, someone in the parish who is a practicing Catholic and who is willing to help you grow in faith and love during the RCIA process," he said.
       "Could Tim do that?"
       "Has Tim been confirmed," he asked.
       "I think so," I said.
       "Then legally Tim could do it, Kyle, but I'm going to recommend somebody else. Not because I don't love Tim to death and think he's a great young man, but I'd like to see you work with somebody older and wiser," he said.
       "Who were you thinking about?"
       "George Murphy. Tim's dad," he said.
       "Oh, wow, Jerry. He'd cream his jeans, if I asked him to do that," I said.
       Jerry laughed so loud when I said that that people at a couple of tables near us stared our way.
       "Kyle, you do have a way with words," Jerry said, still laughing.
       I hadn't meant for it to really be funny, but I guess there was a little irony in what I had said, under the circumstances.
       "And I think you're right. George would cream his jeans, at least figuratively," he said.
       "So, should I ask him, or will you do that," I asked.
       "You need to do it. I brought some pamphlets with me that explain the whole thing. They're out in my car, and we can get them before we leave. How do your parents feel about this?"
       "They love Doc," I said. "He's my dad's best friend."
       "I know." He was laughing a little bit. "I didn't mean how they feel about George. I meant, how do they feel about you becoming a Catholic."
       "Oh. I see what you mean. Oh, they're totally supportive. Jerry, I know I joke and laugh a lot to have fun, but there's a serious side of me, too. They know I've thought it through and that it's a serious decision on my part. They're cool with it," I said.
       They brought our food just then, and we started eating.
       "Kyle, I want to talk to you about the Catholic Church's position on homosexuality. I think it's important that you understand that as fully as you can up front, okay? Do you know anything about it?"
       "Not really," I said. "I know a little bit about the sex scandal with the priests. A lot of that is gay-related, isn't it?"
       "Yeah, some of it is," he said, "and the media have tended to focus on that a lot more than is warranted, I think. That's not really what I had in mind, though, although it's related.
       "There are some passages in the Bible that some people say condemn homosexuality. Now days, scripture scholars--people who study the Bible for a living--believe that those passages have been misinterpreted. Some say the people of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because they committed the serious sin of refusing hospitality to strangers, which was a very big no-no in the Bible. Others say homosexual sex was forbidden because it was part of a cult of the worship of idols. Anyway, I can give you some good references to read on that subject, if you're interested.
       "Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality, and, in the Old Testament, it's only male homosexuality, not female, that is condemned. The point is, it's not nearly as clear cut as some people would have you believe. What is clear cut, though, is Jesus' command to love, to forgive, and to not judge. Straight men and women express their love for one another through sex with one another. For us, you and me and other gay men, it's through sex with another man.
       "Anyway, the Church has held on to that teaching. For a long time they said just being homosexual was evil. Now they say that you can't help being homosexual, but you just can't engage in homosexual acts of love. Their reasoning is that all sex outside of marriage is wrong. Because homosexuals can't marry one another, they can't ever have sex."
       "Kevin and Rick are married," I said.
       "Yeah, but not officially in the eyes of the Church, even though a priest performed the ceremony," he said.
       "That's a little confusing," I said.
       "It's a lot confusing," he said. "Anyway, I wanted to make the point that a great many Catholics, and not just gay and lesbian Catholics, either, don't buy the Church's teaching on the subject. They feel the way I do. Namely, that God created us gay, and we have the right, the fundamental human right, to love another person of the same sex and to express that love physically."
       "I'm on your side on that one," I said.
       "I figured you were," he said, chuckling. "There are about 45,000 Catholic priests in the United States, and the most commonly quoted estimate is that about 25% of them are gay. That's over 11,000 gay priests. But the priesthood and religious life have always attracted large numbers of homosexuals of both genders. In the olden days, you had two choices: marriage or the Church. A lot of people who were appalled by the idea of being forced to get married entered the priesthood or religious life. Even today, say a guy knows he's gay. He hears what the Church says about no sex unless you're married, and he buys into that. Priesthood might look pretty good. You can't get married, so you have a socially acceptable reason for not dating. It's a pretty comfortable life, and, until recently, you had a lot of status. You also help people."
       "Did that influence you," I asked.
       "Quite frankly, it did. It wouldn't today because of what I've learned in the meantime, but yeah, it did. That wasn't the only reason, but it was definitely a factor," he said.
       "Would you become a priest now, knowing what you know now?"
       "Fair question, and the answer is a definite 'yes.' When I see guys like Kevin and Rick, it's harder to say that, but I definitely would," he said.
       "Cool," I said.
       We had long since been finished with dinner, and he and I were having coffee.
       "One more point I want to make, and then I'm going to have to be going," he said. "I think most Catholics are pretty tolerant people. Many aren't, but the majority are, in my experience. Even the hierarchy, the bishops and such. What pisses me off is the way they fight homosexuality-related issues, like same-sex marriage. That's why Kevin and Rick can't adopt kids in this state. It's not because they're gay, per se; it's because they aren't a legally-married couple. And the Church vigorously opposes same-sex marriage. They proved that in Canada, recently. Now that hurts."
       Jerry was so busy talking, he didn't see me slip the waiter the money for both of us. I was hoping he wouldn't notice because I didn't want to argue with him about it.
       "We need to get our checks," he said.
       "Nope. All taken care of," I said.
       "Kyle! You weren't supposed to do that," he said.
       "You've never bought a good friend a meal," I asked.
       He grinned.
       "Well, thanks, Kyle. You guys don't really have to feed me every day, though, you know?"
       "Why not, if we want to?"
       * * *
       I had decided I was going to spend the week at Kevin and Rick's house. I loved my parents to death, but I thought I would stand a much better chance of not getting too lonesome for Tim at their house instead of my parents' house.
       I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and got peanuts, M & M's, and raisins to make us a treat. I had made that once before, and they seemed to really like it. I bought microwave popcorn, although I thought we might have some of that already, and an eight-pack of Snickers to cut up into little pieces in the popcorn. I also bought some candy corn, those little triangle-shaped candies that are white on the tip and orange at the bottom. I wanted to try mixing those with salty peanuts to see how they'd be. I had heard of that but had never tried it.
       It was still pretty early when I got home, and they were all in the den watching a movie on TV. I went in the back door and straight into the kitchen. Trixie wasn't in her bed, of course. She was good about sleeping in there but not until all her people were in bed.
       I mixed up two bowls of the peanut-M & M-raisin treat and one of the candy corn and peanuts. I popped two bags of popcorn and chopped up four Snickers to put in it. I put all four bowls on a tray and took it all out to the den.
       They all told me hi. It was Kevin and Rick, of course, and Justin and Brian, Seth and Cody, Alex, and Chip. Jeff and Tyler must have been on a date or at his house. I set the tray on the coffee table, and Trixie was the first one up to investigate. She knew damn good and well not to mess with that stuff. I had had to scold her a few times about that.
       "Oh, Jesus! What have you done," Rick said.
       "I made some treats," I said.
       "I knew there was some reason we kept you around here, Bubba," Jus said. "Damn. Look at this stuff."
       They didn't waste any time digging in.
       "Kyle, this is good stuff," Chip said. "Man, this is really good stuff. What's it called?"
       "I don't know what the names are for it," I said.
       "Let's give 'em names," Bri said. "I think the stuff with the raisins should be called Tick Supreme."
       Everybody laughed.
       "That's what raisins remind me of," I said. "They remind me of ticks. I love that name, Bri."
       "How about Popcorn Candy for the popcorn one," Chip said.
       "Yeah, I like that," I said. "What are we going to call the candy corn and peanuts?"
       "We always called that candy Chicken Corn when I was a kid," Kevin said.
       "I think we should call it Chicken Nuts," Justin said.
       Everybody laughed.
       "Oh, I love that, Bubba," I said. "Kind of reminds me of you, Jus."
       "That was in the old days, Kyle," Justin said, grinning.
       "I know," I said. "But I still love the name."
       The movie was over by the time everybody had dug into the treats. I felt kind of bad about disrupting their watching of it, but they sure didn't seem to mind. We were all kind of quiet as we munched on the stuff. Then Rick said,
       "Jus, Kevin and I forgot to give you one of your gifts last night."
       "Damn! More presents?"
       "Yeah. We had this ready, too, but we forgot to give it to you," Kevin said.
       Rick got up and went into the study. He came back with an envelope and handed it to Justin.
       Jus looked back and forth between them. Then he looked at me like I knew something about it, but I just shrugged.
       He opened the envelope and pulled out a check.
       "What's this for," he asked.
       "Read the amount, dumbass. That's what it's for," Rick said. He and Kevin were grinning their faces off.
       "It says $6,600.00. I don't get it," Jus said.
       "That's the money the state gave us for being your foster parents," Kevin said.
       "That's your money, Kev. You and Rick earned it," Jus said.
       "Jus, when you first came here, we were both making decent salaries, but that money from the state really helped out. But then we got our current jobs, and we make way more money than we need. In the meantime, we sort of fell in love with you, dude. We wanted to support you because we loved you, not because the state paid us to. You really are our son, Justin. People don't get paid to raise their son," Kevin said.
       What he said really got to ole Jus. There were huge tears of happiness in his eyes, and, truth be known, in mine, too. Kevin and Rick were both on the verge as well. Jus couldn't keep it together, and he let 'em loose. When he did, we all did, at least those of us who knew everything. The new boys--Seth, Cody, Alex, and Chip--didn't have a clue about what was going on. Kevin, Rick, Brian, and I knew, though, and we all bawled. If Jeff had been there, he would have done the same thing.
       Brian and I scooted over to Jus to hug him. Where the hell is Tim, I thought. Then I remembered. He was missing this, and that tugged at my heart.
       "You're missing your boy, aren't you," Jus said, after we had calmed down and he and I had gone to take Trixie outside.
       "Oh, yeah. And he's missing this, man. This was important for you, wasn't it?"
       "Kyle, when he said, 'People don't get paid to raise their son,' that was the happiest moment of my life," Justin said. "I knew that was the way they felt for a long time, but Kevin said it, man. He fucking said it."
       "I know," I said. "And he meant it."
       "I know. That's why it was so good."
       * * *
       That was a rough day for me, emotionally. I mean, seeing everybody off took its toll on me. First it was Grandma and Grandpa Foley, and Craig and Cherie. Then Tim and Doc. Then Grandma and Grandpa Jacobs. Wow! That was a lot of crying. Then, that night, that whole business with Justin. That Justin boy was so happy. But you still need support from your brothers and friends when you're happy, you know? When Kevin told him they took care of him all that time because they loved him and not because they were getting paid to, I knew full well what that family was all about. And Justin knew where he fit in to that. He had heard that before in one form or other, and I knew it. But you need to hear more than once that people love you for it to really sink in.
       Anyway, I figured I'd be out like a light when I went to bed. No way! That was the first night I had slept by myself in over a year, and I needed my boy. I was so pitiful. Why would I feel that way? What was wrong with me? I flailed around in that bed looking for him. There was a scent on his pillow that reminded me of him, and I sniffed that scent for all I was worth. I wasn't craving sex, although that would have been nice. I was craving my boy, my Tim. I couldn't sleep, so finally I got up and went downstairs.
       I poked around in the kitchen for something to eat. I had bought double of everything I served that night, so I could have made me some more of that. Instead, I got me a banana out of the fruit bowl, and I ate that.
       In a little while, I heard somebody coming down the back stairs. I was butt naked, and I hoped he wouldn't mind. I mean, I couldn't imagine who would mind that, but you never knew. It was Justin, naked as the day he was born.
       "Hey," he said. "You couldn't sleep, either, I guess."
       "No. I thought I was pretty tired, too, but I guess I wasn't," I said.
       "You're not used to sleeping by yourself, are you?"
       "No, I'm not," I said. "It just feels good having him next to me in bed, you know?"
       "Of course I know," he said. "Did you get into any of this?" He moved his hand like he was jerking off.
       "Naw. I almost never do that anymore. At least not by myself," I said.
       "I don't, either. That's kind of ironic, isn't it? You and me both gay, and neither one of us jerks off."
       "Not really. I'm well taken care of."
       "I know," he said, grinning.
       I didn't know what he wanted, if anything, but it felt really good to be there with him. I knew that Justin and I were as close as any two friends could be, and we trusted each other completely.
       "Let's walk out to the dock," he said.
       "Okay."
       We went outside, and the night air was warm and damp. That's pretty much the way it always was in Emerald Beach in the summer time, and it felt good to be outside naked like we were. We walked down to the dock and stood there looking at the water. There was a tiny light that we kept on all night on the dock. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I was glad it was there that night.
       Jus and I sat down next to one another and let our legs hang down over the water. Neither one of us said anything for a long time. Eventually, though, he started talking.
       "What's going to happen, Kyle?"
       "What do you mean?"
       "I've been thinking a lot about the future these last couple of days. College and all. I'm really scared about that," he said.
       "Do you not want to go," I asked.
       "No, I do want to go. I think I need to, don't you?"
       "If you're talking about for a job, the answer is no. You'll always have a job, as long as you want one. And you'll get promoted, too."
       "I know that. I really wasn't thinking about for a job. I was thinking about so I can be like everybody else."
       "Not everybody goes to college, Bubba," I said.
       "I know that, too, but all of y'all will, or already have. I'm talking about the family. I don't want to be the only one who didn't go to college."
       I started feeling kind of bad just then.
       "Jus, I tease a lot about you and me being the dumb ones, but we aren't, you know," I said.
       He chuckled a little.
       "I know that, Kyle. I know you and I aren't dumb. I don't have much education, though. I know I can learn, and I can even be refined when I want to be. And so can you. I'm also not a lazy person."
       "I won't tease anymore about us being dumb," I said. "Have I ever hurt your feelings by teasing?"
       He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him a little bit.
       "Kyle, the only thing, and I mean the only thing, you have ever done to me is to help me. To make me feel good about myself. I love you, and I know you love me. If you ever said anything to hurt my feelings, I know it wouldn't be on purpose, Bubba. You're not that kind of person. I'm not very religious, you know? But I do believe in God, and I believe God sent me here to save me. And a big part of that has been you, Kyle."
       I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say.
       "I don't know what to say, Jus. I think God sent me here, too. I get scared sometimes that the happiness in my life isn't going to last. I don't know if I could stand that, you know?"
       "Same here," he said.
       "Let's go back to bed, okay? Thank you for coming downstairs. I needed you right at that moment. I think I can get to sleep now. I guess we're all in this adventure together."
       "Adventure," Jus asked.
       "Yeah. Life."

(Tim's Perspective)
       The trip to Boston wasn't too bad. There weren't too many people traveling, I thought, until we got off the plane in Atlanta. The fact was, there just weren't too many people on our flight. The Atlanta airport was busy, though, just like always.
       "We probably ought to get something to eat," Dad said. "They won't feed us on the plane."
       We went to one of the little restaurants that are all over the place and got some lunch.
       "Are you excited," Dad asked.
       I sort of shrugged.
       "You're sad about leaving Kyle behind, aren't you?"
       I nodded.
       "Well, he'll be in Boston next Saturday. That's not so long, is it?"
       "Oh, no. I wish he were here, but I can handle that. I'm just a little nervous about meeting all those people in Maine," I said.
       "They're all your relatives, Tim. They'll love you," he said.
       "Do they know I'm gay, Dad," I asked. That had been in the back of my mind since I had found out about the trip.
       "I don't see how they would. I doubt seriously that your grandparents have told any of them. Are you scared about that? About them finding out?"
       "I don't care if they know. I'm not ashamed of that, at least not anymore. I just don't know how they'll take it, you know?"
       "I do know, son."
       "Tell me again who's going to be there."
       "My two first cousins, Charlotte and Virginia, their husbands, and their kids. It was just the three of us growing up, and Charlotte and Virginia and I were very close. Our mothers were sisters. They're sisters, and Charlotte is a year older than I, and Ginger is a year younger. They each have four children, and I'm sure all of them will be there."
       "How old are the kids?"
       "I've sort of lost track of exactly how old they are, but three or four of them are teenagers. One graduated from high school this year, so he must be seventeen or eighteen. Each of my cousins has two boys and two girls. The older ones are boys, if I'm not mistaken," Dad said.
       "I hope they like me," I said. "They all know one another, and I'm the new kid."
       "They'll like you, son. Trust me, okay?"
       "Okay, Dad," I said. Sure, I thought. Everybody loves the queer cousin they've never met.
       * * *
       We landed at Logan Airport in Boston and rented a car to go to Cape Porpoise, Maine. It was pretty cool driving through the Massachusetts and Maine countrysides, and some of the scenery was beautiful. I thought about the fun Kyle would have had with his cameras, taking pictures of the covered bridges and the views of the ocean.
       It took a while to get where we were going, and I did some of the driving. Cape Porpoise was where Kennebunkport was, and there were some really neat little towns around there. Some of the houses were very large, too. You could tell there were a lot of people who had money, and I saw some nice cars on the streets.
       The place where we would be staying was a sort of compound. There were two big houses and one smaller house, all sort of grouped around a central garden sort of thing. A front yard, really. We were pretty close to the ocean, and the air smelled a lot like it does in Emerald Beach. Dad and I would have the smaller house to ourselves except for two cousins, who were already set up in the second bedroom. Dad and I were going to share a bedroom, too. Ours had a double bed and a twin bed, and the other room just had a double bed.
       They all came outside to meet us when we got there. Dad introduced me to the adults, and then the adults introduced me to their kids. There were a lot of people and a lot of names to keep straight. Charlotte's husband was Mike Ryan, and their kids were Patrick, who they called Paddy, and he was 18. Next was Tony, 16, and the girls, Anne, 14, and Margaret, 12. The other family were the Cooks, and Ginger and Charlie were the parents. Their kids were Steve, 16, Billy, 15, Laurie, 13, and Madison, 11. Paddy and Tony were sharing the small house with me and Dad.
       None of the kids were real talkative, and I could tell they were all busy checking me out. Kyle's always telling me how cute and beautiful I am, but I think a lot of that is just Kyle's bullshit. I know I'm not bad looking, though. Neither were those other kids. I was actually physically the largest one of the bunch. I had pretty much finished growing, and I was right at five ten. Paddy, the eighteen-year-old, was the biggest one of them, and I had a good two inches on him. They were all built pretty lean, skinny even, and I was glad at that moment for all the iron Kyle had made me pump since Christmas.
       It was getting close to meal time. They told us to put our stuff away and to come over to the Ryans' house for drinks and dinner. It didn't take Dad and me long to do that.
       "Nice looking kids, don't you think," Dad asked as we were unpacking.
       "I guess," I said, non-commitally.
       I changed out of my travel clothes and put on shorts, a tank top, my deck shoes, and a baseball cap. The cap I had was actually one of Kyle's. He had wanted me to take it and wear it.
       "Come here," Dad said. He grabbed me up in a big hug. "They might be nice looking kids, but none of them is as good looking as you are, just remember that. And none of them has a fine man like Kyle coming up to see them next week. I'm so proud of you, son."
       That made me relax. I knew my dad loved me, no matter what, and I knew he loved Kyle, his other son, just as much.
       "Are you okay," he asked.
       "Yes, sir," I said. "I'll be fine. I'll just be myself."
       "If you do that, Tim, you'll steal the show, that's for sure," he said.
       "You're not just a little prejudiced, are you?"
       "Not a little prejudiced. A lot prejudiced," he said.
       We both laughed, and I felt good.
       I was so glad I wore that tank top. Those other boys looked at me with respect on their faces.
       "You must work out, huh," Tony said.
       "A little," I said, understating my ass off. "What about you?"
       "Naw, not really," he said.
       "And it shows," Paddy said to his brother.
       "Like you do," Tony answered with a sneer.
       "You guys cut it out, huh," Steve said. "None of us is worth a shit at sports, and we all know it. Do you play sports, Tim?"
       "I used to play baseball in middle school, but nothing anymore. Just work out, water ski, backyard basketball . . . stuff like that," I said. "Oh, and I swim a good bit."
       "Are you dating anybody," Tony asked.
       "I've been dating somebody for about a year and a half," I said. And you'd love him! I thought.
       "Why is that always your first question," Paddy asked. "You've never had a date in your life."
       "Just checking out if he's a homo like you, that's why," Tony said.
       I could tell those two brothers weren't best friends, that's for sure.
       "Do you ever shoot pool? We were talking about walking into town and shooting some pool tonight, if you want to," Billy, the youngest of the boys, said.
       "What kind of pool can you play with five people," Tony asked defiantly.
       "Continuous pool," I said. "Sometimes it's called fourteen-one pool. Me and my friends play it all the time when there's an odd number."
       "So what are you, some kind of pool shark," Tony said. I wondered if that guy knew how to smile.
       "Not really, although we won a bunch of money off some hustlers in New York last March. We were there for Spring Break," I said.
       Tony, I thought, if I was a shark in a pool, the first thing I'd do is bite your nuts off.
       "Who were you with, Tim," Paddy asked.
       "Three of my friends. The same three guys who are coming up to Boston next week. Y'all will have to meet 'em," I said.
       "Y'all? How Southern," Tony said.
       That boy had a major attitude problem, and I couldn't wait for my big brother Justin to meet his ass. He and Kyle will verbally rip that boy a new asshole, and Tony won't even know it happened.
       "Come and eat, guys," Charlotte said.
       It was a buffet, although it didn't hold a candle to the spreads Kyle put out for us. It was grilled hamburgers and hotdogs, some baked beans (they were Bostonians, after all), and some coleslaw. Mike Ryan, Charlotte's husband and the father of Paddy and Tony, began the usual Catholic blessing before we started in the line, and everybody recited the blessing together. I knew that was the way most Catholics did it, but not at our house. Our blessings meant something.
       The adults sat at the only picnic table that was available, and the kids all sat on the ground. It was like three clumps of people: adults at the table, boys in one spot on the lawn, and girls in another spot on the lawn.
       "Have you got a summer job," Paddy asked.
       "Yeah, I do," I said. "I work in a gift shop on the beach where I live."
       "Cool," Paddy said.
       "Shit. Another fag," Tony said, and he got up to go sit by himself.
       "Tim, I'm sorry, man," Paddy said, obviously embarrassed by the way his brother was acting.
       "Is he always like that," I asked.
       "Yeah, pretty much," Steve said. "He's a real pain in the ass. Nobody likes him. He thinks everybody he meets is gay, and he hates gays."
       Phew! My stomach was in a huge knot, and I didn't want it to stay that way all week. I decided the three of them who were still there were decent guys, and they were, after all, the only cousins I had. Them and their sisters. I decided to go for it. Hell, I thought, if they don't want me hanging around them, I'll find ways to entertain myself during the week I was going to be there. Fuck the closet.
       "In my case, he's right," I said.
       Nobody moved when I said that. Billy had a hotdog halfway to his mouth, and I noticed he put it back on his plate. In my mind's ear I heard Jus saying, "Scratch Billy off our team's roster," and I almost laughed out loud.
       "That's not a problem with us," Steve said.
       "I'm gay, too," Paddy said, barely above a whisper.
       At that moment I wished gay people had some kind of secret handshake or something so Paddy and I could have used it.
       "Does he know about you," I asked.
       "Oh, yes. He knows. And he gives me no peace about it. My parents have restricted him, talked to him, prayed for him, grounded him, sent him to counseling for it, and done just about everything in the world to make him leave me alone, but he won't. I hate my brother, and he hates me," Paddy said.
       "And you guys are okay with us being gay," I asked Steve and Billy.
       "Tim, everybody in this family is okay with Paddy being gay, and they'll be okay with you being gay, too. Everybody but Tony," Steve said.
       I thought for a few moments before I responded.
       "Do you think Tony might be . . "
       "That has crossed my mind many, many times, Tim," Paddy said. "He says he's straight. Actually, he says he's 'normal.'"
       "Oh, one of those," I said.
       They all laughed.
       "So, how do we handle him to keep him from not letting us have a good time," I asked.
       "Just ignore him, Tim. That's what we do most of the time," Billy said. "He won't stay away from us, though, as much as we'd like him to. He'll want to go with us to shoot pool later, if that's what we do."
       "God, I wish Kyle was here," I said.
       "Who's Kyle," Paddy asked.
       "He's my boyfriend. My partner. It's beyond boyfriend with us, guys. He'd love you guys, and y'all would love him," I said. I decided I was going to say "y'all" as often as I remembered to say it. "He's unbelievable."
       "He's coming next week, right? Do you think we could all hang out or something," Paddy asked.
       "Yeah, he's coming to Boston. He and another couple, actually. Justin and Brian. It was the four of us in New York over Spring Break. And we sorta kinda live together, too. You'll all love these guys. Justin and Kyle are best friends, and Brian and I are best friends. And, of course, there are the two relationships. The four of us are a pretty awesome group," I said.
       We had all finished eating a while before. It was close to 7:30, but the daylight didn't look like it was going to end for a long time.
       "I really wouldn't mind shooting some pool," I said, "if y'all are up for it."
       "Let's go," Paddy said.
       We took our trash up to a garbage can they had set out on the lawn. We told the parents where we were going, and they told us to have a good time.
       "Everything's cool, Dad," I said, "except with Tony."
       "I figured it would be, Tim. If you guys have a drink, be careful," Dad said.
       "Hell, George, they're walking," Mike said.
       "Still, I want them to be careful," Dad said.
       "Yes, sir, we will be," I said. "Tony, do you want to come with us? We're going to shoot pool."
       "Yeah, I guess," he said.
       Don't be so enthusiastic, man, I thought.
       "Well, come on," I said.
       "Thanks, Tim," Mike, Tony's dad, said.
       Mike winked at me, and I grinned back at him.
       The five of us took off walking to town. We had a perfectly good mini-van I could have taken, but I guessed the tradition was we walked into town. We weren't around a curve in the road more than ten seconds when Paddy and Steve pulled out packs of cigarettes. Paddy offered one to me, but I said no thanks. Steve gave one to his brother, and they all lit up.
       "I want one," Tony said.
       I figured they'd tell him to fuck off, but Steve gave him one of his.
       "The fag doesn't want a fag," Tony said to me.
       "Hold up," I said. I put my hands up in the air to signal for us to stop. "Tony, man, I am gay. You were right. I'm queer. I'm a cocksucker. I'm a fudge packer. I'm queer as a three-dollar bill. But you know what? I'm proud of being gay."
       "I knew I was right. I have excellent gaydar," Tony said.
       "Yeah, most gay guys do," I said. "Back in Florida, we have a Labrador Retriever puppy by the name of Trixie. We've been training her, me and my gay brothers, not to be obnoxious. Do you know how we train Trixie?"
       "No, how?"
       "Every time she does something obnoxious, like lick us on the face or something, we give her a little reminder. Like this."
       I punched him right in his gut, and he doubled over. He puked right there in the road. When he was back up, he looked like he was about to rear back to get my ass. What I had already done to him was so unlike me that I knew the guys back in Emerald Beach wouldn't have believe it. But goddamn it, Kyle was right. I wasn't going to take that shit and have a great week with those other three boys ruined by that prick. I was ready for him.
       "You want some of me, buddy? Well, come on. This fag is ready for you," I said.
       "Fuck you, cocksucker," he screamed.
       I popped him another one.
       "What did you say?"
       "Faggot! Motherfucking faggot," he screamed.
       I popped him again.
       "I can keep this up all night, Bubba," I said. "Please don't make me do it, Tony."
       "Fuck you," he said, with more venom than I had ever heard from another human being.
       "Get your ass back to the house, man. You're my cousin, Tony. I came here with absolutely nothing against you, man. I wanted to be your friend, but I won't take your bullshit. And I mean it. Go on home. You're not welcome with us right now. Think about it, man. Your brother and I are gay. So fucking what? He's always going to be your brother, and I'm always going to be your cousin, no matter what. You can't change that, and your mean talk won't change us. Go home."
       "You're going to be sorry, Murphy," he said.
       "Maybe. Maybe not. Tony, if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you, Bubba. And I mean that."
       "Fuck you," he said. He turned to go back home.
       "I think he'd like to do just that," Steve said.
       "Ewwww," Billy said.
       We all laughed.
       We shot pool that night and had a great time. Paddy bought beers for all four of us, and I drank mine right down with them. He asked who was ready for another round, but one was enough for me. I knew Kyle and Jus would have had three or four, just like those guys did, but drinking and smoking were just not big on my list of things to do. I didn't care if they did that, any more than I cared if Kevin, Kyle, and Jus did. I just wasn't interested.
       We didn't put any money on the pool games we played, and I was glad we didn't. We played queer-straight teams, and Paddy and I would have raked in the money from those two. All three of them were really nice guys, and I liked them a lot. I was glad they were my cousins.

Chapter 02

(Tim's Perspective, continued)
       The girls were all in bed or in their rooms when we got home that first night. The adults were all in the living room of Charlotte and Mike Ryan's house. They had been visiting and sipping wine and just having a reunion, I guess.
       "Hi. Did you guys have a good time? Where's Tony," Mike Ryan asked.
       "Tony left with us, but he didn't stay with us, Dad," Paddy said.
       "Where'd he go," Mike asked.
       "Tim sent him home."
       "I'm sorry, Mike, but I'm not putting up with his crap," I said.
       I looked at my dad for his reaction to that, and he didn't react at all.
       "Look, everybody. You're my family, and I know that. These guys know it already. I'm gay, and I'm not putting up with Tony's harassment. That's the way I feel, and that's the way I live my life," I said.
       None of the adults said anything, so I decided not to say any more, either.
       "Tim, we don't blame you," Mike said, "but you have to know that Tony is very troubled right now. He won't tell us anything, but Charlotte and I believe he might have been molested at some point."
       Oh, shit! I thought. Jesus Christ!
       "Tim, Charlotte and I don't really know what else to do. Paddy is gay, and we're fine with that, but it seems to rub Tony wrong in the worst possible way. We've tried everything we know to do for Tony. We love him, Tim. I know he was probably obnoxious as hell to you tonight, but we love our son. We just don't know what to do next."
       I felt like a total shit at that moment because I had hit him so many times, and so hard.
       "I didn't know about that, Mike. I hit him two or three times when he called me names," I said.
       "Dad, Tim did it, though. He made him shut up with the name-calling, at least until he left us. Tim said that was the way they trained their puppy, and that might be how we have to train Tony. I've wanted to clean his clock so many times, but I haven't done it because I was afraid of him. Tim is bigger and stronger than all of us. He can do it, Dad," Paddy said.
       Paddy was nervous, and I knew he didn't like saying that about his brother.
       "I think the boys need to work out a separate peace among themselves, Mike," my dad said. "You didn't like doing that, did you, son?"
       "I didn't like doing it, but I did like it, at the same time. I mean, he deserved it. He was so offensive, Dad. Kyle and Jus would have hurt him bad," I said.
       "Kyle and Justin taught you to be that aggressive," Dad asked.
       "Yes, sir, but only when it's right," I said.
       "We still don't know where Tony is, do we," Dad said.
       "Let's check his bed before we call 9-1-1," I said.
       We checked it, and he was sound asleep. I knew he was going to be hurting tomorrow where I had hit him. Part of me cared about that, and part of me didn't.
       We stayed up about another hour, talking, laughing, and having fun. When it was time for bed, my dad said,
       "Paddy, you and Tim take the double bed in our room. I'll take the twin."
       Paddy was delighted he didn't have to sleep with his asshole brother, and I didn't mind him sleeping with me.
       "Tim," Paddy whispered after we were in bed a few minutes.
       "What," I whispered back.
       "Thanks for tonight," he said. "He's deserved that for a long time."
       "He's getting it tomorrow, too. Any time he calls you or me or anybody a fag or any of that shit. I mean it, Paddy. This is completely unlike me, man, usually, but I'm not putting up with it. I like the rest of you guys too good for him to spoil it," I said.
       "Thanks, man," he said.
       "Good night," I said. And he said the same.
       * * *
       When Paddy and I woke up Monday morning, my dad was already gone from our room. It was about eight o'clock, and I was pretty sure most of the rest of them were already up for the day. Paddy and I had snuggled together against the chill of the morning air, and both of us had typical morning erections.
       "Good morning," I said to him.
       "Morning," he replied.
       It was then that he realized the position he was in, spooned up against my back. I could feel his dick, but I didn't give it a second thought.
       "Sorry," he said.
       "You don't have to move," I said, "and there's nothing to be sorry about."
       "I was having impure thoughts about you. I need to get up."
       He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm and kept him in bed with me.
       "What do you mean, 'impure thoughts,'" I asked.
       "Tim, don't do this, please," he said.
       "Were you thinking about having sex with me? Is that what you mean by 'impure thoughts'?"
       He was silent for a few seconds, and then he said, "Yes."
       "There's nothing bad about that, man," I said. "It's totally normal."
       "How can it be normal, Tim?"
       I turned over to face him.
       "How can it not be normal? You're gay, right? I'm gay. I'm not going to do anything with you, but thinking about it and wanting to do it is the most natural and normal thing in the world, man."
       He blushed deeply.
       "Do you have a boyfriend," I asked.
       "No."
       "Have you ever had one?"
       "No," he said again.
       "Some day you will, man. If you're as lucky as I am, he'll love you, and you'll love him. The sex part will be perfectly natural and normal for you guys. I can't wait for you to meet Kyle. You'll see what I mean."
       "That seems so difficult," he said.
       "It's not. Believe me. When you care for somebody, all the little details about how to express your love work themselves out. At least they did for us," I said.
       "I hope so," he said.
       We lay in bed a few more minutes, each of us caught up in our own thoughts, and then we got up.
       "I want to take a shower," I said.
       "Okay," he said. "I'll be right behind you."
       I showered, but I didn't shave that morning. I could get by for a couple of days without shaving, and I really didn't like doing it, anyway. If Kyle didn't shave every day, you could really see it on his face. My beard was light brown, not black like his, and my stubble wasn't nearly as obvious right away, like his was.
       I waited for Paddy to get finished in the bathroom, and then he and I went over to the house his parents were in. I had on shorts, tee shirt, deck shoes, and Kyle's cap, and Paddy was dressed the same way, minus the cap. Steve and Billy were already there, as were the girls. Laurie flirted with me a little bit, and she was cute. Anne laughed at her, but I could tell they were good friends. Tony wasn't around.
       Paddy kissed his mom good morning.
       "Where's Tony," he asked.
       "He and Dad went into town," Charlotte said.
       "Oh," Paddy said.
       "Tim, please don't hate Tony for what he did last night. He can be a very sweet boy, when he wants to. He's just not himself these days."
       "Yes, ma'am," I said.
       I didn't know what else to say, and she didn't know what to say, either. I was determined that I was going to have fun with Paddy, Steve, and Billy, and Tony could drop dead, as far as I was concerned.
       "Was he being a butthole again last night," Margaret asked.
       "Yeah," Paddy said, "only not just to me. To Tim, too."
       "I don't want him to be our brother anymore," Anne said.
       "Well, that's not going to change, sweetie," Charlotte said. "Are you praying for Tony, like I asked you to?"
       They all said they were. I wasn't, and I didn't intend to.
       After we finished breakfast, Paddy suggested we take the boat out. It was too chilly to go swimming, but he said it was pretty cool to sail around in the harbor. I didn't know anything about sailing, but they did, apparently.
       Just as we were leaving the house, Mike and Tony drove up. Tony jumped out of the car and slammed the door. He looked like he was crying, and he flew past us without saying a word. He ran to the small house and went inside, slamming that door, too. Paddy, Steve, and Billy looked pretty sad when they saw that, but I didn't know what to think.
       "Let's go," Steve said, and we did.
       Nobody said anything for a while, but pretty soon they all perked up. Paddy was the master sailor of the crew, and he showed me how to do it. It was pretty simple, once you figured it out. The one thing that seemed strange to me was the lack of noise. On our boat, you didn't move without the motor going, and that made noise. Sailing was quiet, though, and that was a real difference.
       Tony showed up at the table for lunch. Everybody was there, and we told them all about our sailing adventures. Tony didn't say anything, and he seemed to be concentrating totally on his food. After lunch, my dad, Mike, Charlie, and Ginger went off to play golf. The house the Cooks were staying in had a large front porch with lots of comfortable chairs and a huge hammock. Madison and I got in the hammock, and all of the kids read the books we had been assigned to read over the summer by our respective schools. After about ten pages, I went to sleep.
       Everybody was gone when I woke up around three, everybody, that is, except Tony.
       "Hi, Tim," he said.
       I had a hard-on, like I always get when I sleep, and I knew he saw it. I didn't do anything to try to hide it, though, because I didn't know what I could have done.
       "Hi, Tony," I said.
       I suddenly remembered what he had said the night before about me being sorry, and I realized I was in a very vulnerable position on that hammock. I sat up, and then I got off of it. He was already standing up, and he backed up a little bit when he saw me walking toward him.
       "Are we going to be friends," I asked.
       "I don't see how we can be," he said.
       "I'm willing to forgive and forget, if you are," I said.
       "You said last night you'd talk to me. Did you really mean that," he asked.
       "Yes, I meant it, but no name-calling, okay?"
       "Okay. I'm sorry I did that," he said.
       He bent his head down, and I could see he was getting pretty emotional. I knew he was ashamed of himself, and even though I didn't trust him one bit, I also felt bad for him.
       "Let's sit down," I said.
       "Okay. Are you really gay," he asked.
       "Yes, I really am, Tony. It's not something I chose to be, but that's the way I am. I can't do anything about that," I said.
       "I have a good friend who is gay," he said.
       Hell, you have a brother who's gay, I thought.
       "You mean Paddy," I asked.
       "Not him. He doesn't like me. None of them do," he said.
       "Tell me about your friend," I said.
       "He's a man. He's in jail right now," he said. "Or at least he was. I think he might be out by now."
       "For what?"
       "For some stuff he did with some kids," he said. "He's a priest."
       "Are you worried about him," I asked.
       "Yeah. I know the two guys who are accusing him, and they wanted him to do whatever he did, I'm pretty sure," he said.
       "What are they saying he did," I asked.
       "They said he gave them blowjobs," Tony said.
       Huge tears came into his eyes when he said that, and he started shaking a little. I wanted to put my arm around his shoulders, but I was afraid he might think I was coming on to him or something. I didn't know what to do. He settled down in a minute, though.
       "But you think they wanted him to do that," I asked.
       "Yes."
       "What makes you think that," I asked.
       "They were always talking about wanting blowjobs, that's why," he said. "I think they like them."
       I could understand how that could be true.
       "Are they gay," I asked.
       "I don't know. They have girlfriends, but they said their girlfriends wouldn't do that to them," he said.
       They'll wise up, I thought.
       "Do you think Father did it to them," I asked.
       "I'm afraid he might have," he said.
       "What makes you think that," I asked.
       "Because he did it to me, too," he said. "And now I'm queer, too."
       That's when the tears really started. He was crying so hard he was gasping for breath. The hell with it, I thought, and I put my arm around him. Instead of bolting away, like I thought he might, he leaned into me. I desperately wanted to do or say something to make it better for him, but I didn't know what.
       I let him cry for what seemed like a long time. Finally, though, he was all cried out.
       "Getting a blowjob from another guy doesn't make you queer, Tony," I said as gently as I knew how to say it. "And giving one doesn't make you queer. Only God can make you queer, man, and He did that the minute you were born. Or He didn't."
       "But I liked it, Tim. I liked getting a blowjob. I let him do it more than once because I liked it so much," he said.
       "Tony, a couple of things," I said. "First, if you really are gay, it's not the worst thing in the world, man. I'm gay and I'm happy. If I had had a choice, I wouldn't have chosen to be gay. But now I wouldn't change the way I am, even if I could. When you meet Kyle you'll know why. Second, blowjobs feel good. Everybody likes them, gay, straight, bi, everybody. Have you ever talked to your dad about that?"
       He got a horrified look on his face, like I had asked him if his dad gave him blowjobs. I guess every dad wasn't like mine when he comes to talking to their kids about sex.
       "My dad's not queer," he said.
       "I know he's not queer, Tony. Married couples have oral sex sometimes, man," I said. "It's not just a gay thing, you know."
       It looked like that came as a big surprise to him.
       "When those two guys were talking about their girlfriends not giving them blowjobs, did you think no girl would ever do that," I asked.
       "I guess," he said.
       "Well, they do, Tony. I guess some like doing it more than others, but they do it, man. It's a way of expressing love for someone. It makes the guy getting it feel good. That was the point I was trying to make before. Just because you liked it doesn't mean you're gay, man."
       "So, how do you know if you really are gay," he asked.
       "For me, it's a matter of attraction. The idea of having sex with a girl doesn't appeal to me at all, but having sex with a guy does," I said.
       It was incredibly more complicated than that, but I figured he could understand that much, at least.
       "Do you want to have sex with every guy you see," he asked.
       "Hell, no. I don't want to have sex with you, for example," I said.
       He laughed a little for the first time since I had met him.
       "How about with Paddy," he asked. "He's gay."
       "I know he's gay, but I don't want to have sex with him, either. The only person I want to have sex with is my boyfriend," I said. "I'm in love with him, and I want to have sex with him."
       "Not with any other guy," he asked.
       "Nope. Nobody but Kyle," I said. That was probably a little bit of an exaggeration, but it was true in theory, at least.
       "That makes me feel better. Is that true of every gay guy?"
       "I doubt it," I said. "Just like some guys screw every girl they can get in bed, some guys screw every guy. But for me, it's just Kyle."
       "I've never done anything with a girl, but I like the idea of it," he said.
       "Then you're probably straight," I said. "What do you think about when you masturbate?"
       "I pretend I'm screwing a girl," he said. "I don't rub up and down. I keep my hand still and shove my dick in and out, like I was fucking. I like to get a lot of lotion or soap or something on my hand, and then . . . "
       "Whoa! Too much information, okay?"
       He laughed for real on that one. I was starting to like my cousin.
       "I had you going, didn't I," he said.
       "If you mean you were making me get hard, then, yeah, you were," I said. I decided to try something that was really close to being out of bounds. "Does the idea of me being aroused make you aroused?"
       "No. I saw you had a hard-on when you woke up. It didn't bother me, though," he said.
       "Tony, man, I'm not an expert, but I'd say there isn't much chance that you're gay, even if you do like blowjobs," I said. "Which you ain't gettin' from me."
       That delighted him and really made him laugh.
       "Tim, hearing you say that makes me feel better," he said. "I've been wanting to talk to somebody who is gay for a long time about this, and you're the first person I've had a chance to talk to."
       "You can't talk to Paddy about it," I asked.
       "I'm afraid Paddy doesn't know shit about being gay. He says he is, but he's never even touched a boy, that I know of. Or a girl, either," he said.
       "Why did it have to be a gay person? Why couldn't you have talked to your dad or somebody else about it?"
       "First of all, there's no way in hell I could ever talk to my dad about something like that. No way. Second, how would he know how you know if you're gay? No. It had to be you."
       "Did you do what you did last night because you hate gay people, or . . . "
       "No, I did it to find out if you were. I really didn't think you were, by the way. You don't act gay in any way. It came as a pretty big surprise, actually," he said.
       "I don't get you, man. You said that stuff to hurt my feelings just to see if it really would?"
       "That sounds pretty stupid when you say it that way, doesn't it?"
       "Yeah. It does sound stupid. Please don't do that any more, man. And lay off your brother. You guys could be best friends. You're just turning him into an enemy for life, the way you're going. If he says he's gay, then he is. People don't say that about themselves if it isn't true," I said.
       "I know."
       "And so what if he is? He's a hell of a nice guy. Steve and Billy like him. They're not gay, are they? You don't have to be gay to like a gay person, you know."
       "I know. I like you, even though I'm probably not gay," he said.
       "Don't say 'probably.' You're definitely not gay. We wouldn't have you on our team," I said.
       He laughed.
       Charlotte came up just then.
       "Wow. I haven't heard that sound in a long time," she said, referring to his laughter, I guess.
       "I think you're going to be hearing it all the time now, Charlotte," I said. "Isn't that right, buddy?"
       "Yep," he said.
       * * *
       Tony must have apologized to Paddy because the two of them got along great the rest of the week. I talked to Kyle for about an hour Monday night, and I told him everything that had happened. I didn't give any details about the conversation I had had with Tony earlier that day. I figured he'd want that kept confidential, and, besides, I knew Kyle didn't care about it. I told him about hitting Tony Sunday night, though, and I said we had had a long talk to clear up some misunderstandings he had had.
       "All right, Bubba! You whipped some Yankee ass! Way to go!"
       I was laughing hard when he said that.
       "You would have done it, too," I said.
       "No doubt. Did he get any puke on you?"
       "Kyle! I knew you would ask me that," I said.
       I was on the phone in the kitchen, and I knew they could probably hear me laughing outside where they were all sitting. I didn't care, though. I was on the phone with my boy, and I was happy.
       We did some neat stuff that week, mostly involving the sailboat. We did a little touring around, too, though. They have a really cool lighthouse on Cape Porpoise. There were a bunch of shops and art galleries and such. We went to some of those, too. Kyle had gotten me interested in photography, and some of the photos I saw were spectacular. The prices were pretty spectacular, too. Dad bought a photograph to take back to Sonya, but I couldn't afford one for Kyle. I bought everybody replicas of the lighthouse, and I bought Kyle a baseball cap that said Kennebunkport, Maine, too.
       One night we went to a movie in town, but most nights we shot pool. The dads went with us a few times, and my dad seemed rather amazed at how good I was. It's pretty difficult to play as much pool as we did in Emerald Beach and not get pretty good at it, especially when you're trying desperately to hold on to your underwear in a game of strip pool.
       By the end of the week, I knew my cousins very well, and I knew we'd all be friends for life. Once Tony overcame his problem, he turned out to be my favorite. He was very smart, and he had a great sense of humor. Paddy didn't trust his brother, even after they reconciled their differences, so he ended up sleeping in the twin bed in the room with my dad. I slept with Tony in the double bed in the other room. We usually talked after we went to bed.
       "Did you ever think you'd be okay with sleeping in the same bed as a queer," I teased him.
       "I don't believe you really are queer," he said.
       "Believe it," I said.
       "You haven't said anything to anybody about our talk, have you?"
       "No, and I'm not going to."
       "Even to Kyle?"
       "Even to him. I told him you had some misunderstandings, and you were fine after we cleared those up. That's basically what it was, wasn't it? He was mostly disappointed that you didn't puke on me when I hit you in the gut Sunday night."
       He laughed a little, but he got serious again right away.
       "True. Some very basic misunderstandings. Do you think I should rat out Father John?"
       "What he did is a crime, you know? Of course, you gave your consent, but it was still a crime," I said.
       "I know. There's been so much about that stuff in the newspapers and on TV, I'd have to be deaf and blind not to know that. I don't know how the other guys involved with him could tell that about themselves, though. I mean, I took a huge risk telling you, but I was desperate. And I also knew you wouldn't be grossed out or think what I did was so terrible. You didn't, did you?"
       "We've been through this, Tony. I don't judge you, man. Like I said the other day, everybody likes a blowjob. The thing is, what are the chances of Father John getting off? I mean, I would hate to think your not coming forward let him go right back to the parish and do it to some other kids."
       "That used to be a problem, evidently, but they don't do that any more," he said. "I actually thought of that. If I honestly thought he'd get off, I would come forward with my story. He's not getting off, though," Tony said.
       "Your secret's safe with me," I said.
       We were both quiet after that, and I was getting very close to sleep.
       "Tim?"
       "Yeah?"
       "Can I ask you a question?"
       "Sure," I said.
       "Do you and Kyle have sex?"
       "Yeah, we do. I thought you knew that."
       "I figured you did, but you never said. Do you guys, like, er, do you, um, . . . "
       "Do we have anal sex?"
       "Yeah," he said.
       "Yes, we do," I said. "And I'll bet you want to know what it's like, don't you?"
       "How'd you guess?"
       "Just a hunch. I've never fucked a girl, but I've heard that it's a lot like that for the top. The guy putting his dick into the other guy. It's a little different because a vagina expands when she's aroused and an ass doesn't. Also, a vagina has secretions and an ass doesn't, other than the obvious one," I said.
       He laughed.
       "What about for the other guy?"
       "The other guy is called the bottom. First off, it doesn't hurt. At least, it doesn't hurt when Kyle makes love to me that way. It can and does hurt for some guys, but he always gets me real relaxed and ready for him first."
       "I figured it didn't hurt, or at least not too bad, otherwise people wouldn't do it," he said.
       "Good point. Do you know about the prostate gland?"
       "Just what I learned about it in school in biology," he said.
       "Well, it feels really good when you rub it. The top pokes and nudges and rubs the bottom's prostate, and it feels great," I said. "Have you ever stuck your finger or anything into your ass while you jerked off?"
       "Yeah," he said. Then there was a pause. "I'm so embarrassed."
       "Why? Straight couples do that, too, Tony. Kevin's brother told us that his wife does that to him when they make love. There really isn't that much difference between gay sex and straight sex, you know? If it feels good to a gay guy, it'll feel good to a straight guy, too. Straight people usually use toys, since the girl doesn't have a dick, but it's basically the same thing," I said.
       "I wonder if my parents do that kind of thing," he said.
       "I wouldn't be asking them, if I were you."
       He laughed louder than he usually did, and I heard my dad move around in bed. Shit, I thought. He's going to be pissed if we woke him up. He didn't say anything, though.
       "Not so loud, man," I said.
       "Tim, do you have an erection right now," he asked, after he had gotten serious again.
       "Yes," I said.
       "I do, too. What would you do if I put my hand on your dick?"
       "I'd ask you to move your hand," I said.
       "Would you get pissed off at me?"
       "No, because I know you'd be doing it to make me feel good. But that belongs to Kyle. It doesn't belong to me anymore," I said.
       "I can't wait to meet him," he said.
       "You'll love all three of them, man," I said.
       That was Thursday night, and they were getting there Saturday afternoon around five. We were leaving the next morning so I could spend some time with my grandparents, but we'd have six full days to see Boston. My dad was going to let me keep the mini-van, and he'd drive my grandparents' car. I was so excited I shivered.
       "What just happened? Did you come?"
       Then it was my turn to laugh.
       "No, I didn't come," I said. "I just had a little nervous shiver because I was thinking about how much fun we're going to have this coming week. I'll let you know if I come, though."
       "Thanks," he said sarcastically. "Have you ever done that without making it happen? Like in school or something?"
       "I've done it at Mass," I said.
       "Gross," he said, but he was laughing.
       "Where have you done it," I asked.
       "School a couple of times. Also, just in my room at home. At home wasn't so bad, but in school it was a total mess," he said.
       "Try church, if you want a mess," I said.
       "Don't take what I'm going to say the wrong way, okay?"
       "Okay," I said, hoping I wouldn't.
       "I love you, Tim. I haven't gone gay on you, man, so don't worry about that. You're just so incredibly nice," he said.
       "You know what? I love you, too, and I won't even let you touch my dick," I said. "And I'm gay!"
       He thought that was pretty funny, and we both laughed.
       "I was hoping you would say that," he said. "I want to be your friend for life, okay? You and Kyle?"
       "No question about it in my mind, dude," I said. "I wish we lived closer together."
       "I know, but you'll be coming to Boston, won't you," he asked. "To see your grandparents and all?"
       "I think after my great-grandmother dies they're going to move to Florida where we live," I said. "But there's no reason we can't come see you guys, is there? Or you come see us? The planes fly both ways, you know?"
       He laughed.
       "Can I ask you a question," he said.
       "Don't say that, man. Just ask it."
       "Can I hug you right now?"
       "Absolutely, dude," I said.
       We hugged, and I felt really close to him. We were both careful to avoid a sword fight with our dicks, but we hugged each other hard. He sniffled a little, like maybe he was crying, and tears came to my eyes, too.
       We must have broken the hug at some point, but I think we both went to sleep in each other's arms.

(Justin's Perspective)
       Do you ever wake up all rested and relaxed, ready for a great day, and then you remember you have to do something that day that scares you to death? It's like the bottom falls out, and you don't have the strength it takes to haul your ass out of bed. One minute you're laying there with your boyfriend's hard dick in the crack of your ass, wondering if you'll have time to do something with it, thinking about your own hard-on and how you need to piss so you can take maximum advantage of the situation. Then you remember, and all of a sudden your dick goes as limp as cooked spaghetti. That's what happened to me the Tuesday morning after my birthday.
       "Brian, wake up, Little Buddy," I said.
       "Nooooo," he said, cute as all.
       "Yeah. We have to get up so you can go to work. I'm taking you, remember? Come on."
       He was so much like a real cute little boy when he was sleepy. That dark hair of his was in his face, and he rubbed his eyes with the back of his fists so cute. I wanted to eat him up. How could anybody not be in love with something like that?
       "Come on, Buddy. Let's go."
       I started running the tips of my fingers up and down his chest, circling his little nipples. He got a big smile on his face. I took my hand away.
       "Don't stop," he said.
       "I've got to today. Today's the day I go to the college, remember? Come on and take a shower with me," I said.
       He sat up in bed. He looked over at my crotch, and I could tell he was surprised I wasn't hard like I always am.
       "Robbed by fear," I said.
       He started laughing.
       "You big goof," he said. "Gimme a kiss."
       I kissed him good morning.
       "I'm serious now. We gotta hustle. I've got to be there at 8:30, and the traffic on the bridge is going to be a bitch this morning," I said.
       "Okay," he said.
       We took a shower together, but we didn't fool around, for lack of time. I shaved in the shower, and it reminded me of those Braille signs we have all around the hotel. Brian shaved, too, and it was kind of fun watching how slow and careful he did it. Of course, he got all of his. I had to feel my face and go back to spots I had missed.
       Kevin, Rick, Kyle, Jeff, Seth, Alex, Brian, and I all got around the breakfast table. It felt weird as hell having Kyle there without Tim.
       "What did Tim say last night," Rick asked Kyle.
       "He got into a fight, and he made the guy puke," Kyle said. "He didn't get any on him, though."
       "Well, that's a relief, at the breakfast table," Kevin said.
       We all laughed.
       "At least we're not eating oatmeal, with raisins in it," Kyle said.
       "Change the subject, please," Rick said.
       "How did sweet little Tim get into a fight," Kevin asked. "That's not like him at all."
       "He ain't that little, you know," I said. "He's as big as me and Kyle."
       "I know, but he's gentle. He's not a ruffian like you two," Kevin said.
       "That's all an act. He's mean as a damn snake," I said.
       I expected Kyle to say something to defend him, but he just grinned at me.
       "His cousin was dissing him. Calling him fag and homo and that shit. And the cousin didn't even know Tim really is," Kyle said. "Tim said he told him we're training a puppy and have to remind her sometimes not to do stuff. He reminded the cousin not to say that by punching him in the gut. That's when he puked. Then Tim hit him a couple more times as a reminder. Apparently the boy wouldn't shut up. And the guy's own brother is gay."
       "That doesn't sound like our Tim," Rick said.
       "You'd be surprised if you knew the terror that boy puts in us," I said.
       They all laughed.
       I put my knife and fork on my plate to show that I was finished eating, like they taught me to do.
       "You didn't eat very much," Rick said.
       "I ate enough, though, and every bit of it is right here." I put my hand just below my Adam's apple. "It could come up at any second, and Tim wouldn't even have to punch me in the belly."
       "Are you sick, Bubba," Rick asked.
       "No, I'm not sick, but I'm scared shitless, Rick," I said. "I have to go to the college today. Kyle and Cody, too."
       I got big tears in my eyes, and I quick rubbed 'em out. My baby put his hand on my shoulder to let me know he was there for me, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. I took a deep breath and let it out slow.
       "I'm scared shitless, too, Bubba," Kyle said.
       I smiled at him.
       "No, you're not, but thanks for saying that," I said.
       "I was wondering why you guys weren't in your uniforms," Jeff said. "Trust me, guys, it's not going to hurt. You'll do fine on the placement tests, too. There aren't many people smarter than you two."
       "I'll drink orange juice to that," Kev said.
       Rick raised his glass, too, and the rest of them did, also. They wanted to support us--me, really--every way they could, and I knew it and appreciated it. That didn't make me less nervous, though.
       "Brian, are you about ready," I asked. He was finished eating.
       "Let me go get something. I'll be right back," Brian said.
       "Okay, but hurry," I said.
       He came back with a paper in his hand, and he gave it to me. It was a report card he had made on the computer, and it had my name on it. In the column marked "subjects" it had stuff like "Sweet," "Cute," "Funny," "Handsome," and stuff like that. Next to each subject there was an A+. That's when I lost it. All the fear and terror in me at that moment came out of my eyes in the form of tears. They burned like hell, too. I grabbed that boy up in a big hug, and I laid a kiss on him that was definitely not for public consumption.
       "Make sure you get your dads to sign it," he said.
       "You wait and see what I'm going to sign on you tonight," I said.
       Kevin started to say something, and I knew he was going to tell me to cool it. Rick shushed him, though, and I kissed Brian again.
       "Let's go before I get carried away," I said.
       They all laughed, and Brian and I left hearing them say "Good luck" and stuff like that.

(Rick's Perspective)
       "Did you see his face when he read that report card," I asked Kevin.
       The guys were all gone off to work, and Kev and I were getting dressed for the day.
       "Yeah. Of all the kids, Brian continues to surprise me the most. That was really a clever idea, wasn't it? And the presentation was so good," Kevin said.
       "I used to have my doubts about those two, Babe, but I don't think I do anymore," I said.
       "I know what you mean. How did that ever happen? Justin and Brian?"
       "Well, when you think about it, they sort of come from the same kinds of backgrounds. Brian's situation probably wasn't as bad as Justin's, but they both come from nothing. Nothing but poverty and abuse. I mean, Kyle and Tim have had lives of privilege, you know?"
       "Sort of like me," Kevin said.
       "Yeah, and me, too, to a lesser extent. You've always been very much like Kyle and Tim. You told me about your trust fund, and all, and I know you have money, but you never mention that. You work, just like I do, and you work hard. That's the way Kyle and Tim are, too," I said.
       "The money I inherited is ours, not mine," Kev said.
       "Oh, I know that. Anyway, though, Justin and Brian are two of the best, don't you think?"
       "No question about that," he said.

Chapter 03

(Kevin's Perspective)
       I didn't have a set time that I had to be at work, but I usually got there pretty close to eight o'clock. That was the official starting time for the people in the corporate office, and I could easily live with that. I belonged to several groups that had breakfast meetings, so some days I didn't get there until 8:30 or nine, but I was usually there by eight.
       The first thing I did every morning was walk around greeting our employees. We had about 150 people in the Goodson Building, and about half of them worked for me. The other half worked for Rick. By and large, I had been impressed at how dedicated those people were. We paid them well, but I really didn't think you could buy dedication. You had to earn it, and my morning stroll around the building was important in doing that, I thought.
       I knew all 150 people by name, as did Rick, but I tended to spend my time talking to the people who worked for my division. I would say hello to everybody, but I'd also spend two or three minutes with several of my people every day. It wasn't always the same ones, but in the course of a week I pretty much spent time with everybody. It wasn't really business related, either. We'd talk about their kids, their grandchildren, their dogs, their boats, their vacation trips, their home improvement projects, their illnesses, their family members' illnesses, their churches, their new hair-dos, whatever was on their minds. They all knew Rick and I were a couple and that we had a house full of boys, and we talked about them, some, too. That was probably the best part of the day for me, and I hoped it was good for them, too. Rick did the same thing, only around three in the afternoon, when everybody was getting bored and tired. Between the two of us, we knew those people very well.
       The second thing I did every morning was look at my phone messages. Mary Ann was wonderful at screening my calls, and if she handed me a piece of paper with a phone message, I knew it was one I had to see about. That particular morning there was one from Tyrone Williams.
       I called Rick.
       "Tyrone Williams wants to see us," I said.
       "Are you surprised? Justin went off the roll on Saturday, so a new one comes on."
       I laughed.
       "I hadn't thought of it that way," I said. "How does ten o'clock sound to you?"
       "I've got a 9:30, but I think I can get him out of here pretty fast. Let's do it at ten."
       Tyrone was there promptly at ten. Mary Ann, as always, had produced coffee, juice, and water, along with a platter of Danish. She was incredible, and the day she quit was the day I quit. Not really, but it would be tempting.
       Rick was a few minutes late, but he got there.
       After the amenities, Rick said, "We'll take him."
       "I'm going to hold you to that, Rick, but that's not what this is about. It's about Brian Mathews."
       Rick and I looked at one another in total confusion. How could it be about Brian? Who besides us, and the forty or so people that were our circle of friends, gave a shit about Brian? We said as much to Tyrone.
       "His mother," he said. "She left his step-father, and she wants him back."
       Rick and I looked at each other, and we both had huge tears in our eyes.
       "Sorry. She can't have him," Rick said. "He belongs to Justin, and he belongs to us."
       Rick told Tyrone the story of the report card from that very morning.
       "Guys, that story is very touching, but the law is the law. She got rid of the husband, and there's no way we can keep her from her son. She says she wants him back," Tyrone said.
       Rick and I looked at each other in despair. Brian was so happy with us. He and Justin had made so much progress in their relationship. Rick and I knew intuitively that what Tyrone was saying was all wrong.
       "When," Rick asked.
       "As soon as possible," Tyrone said. "This week."
       "Tyrone, don't do that, man. They're going to Boston on Saturday. They're counting on it. Please don't break the hearts of four kids, man," I said.
       "I'll see what I can do. Give me a date certain," he said.
       "They're coming home July 18th," I said.
       "He'll need a day to pack. Let's make the date certain July 20th. That's a Monday, I think."
       I glanced at the calendar on my desk.
       "Yeah, it's a Monday," I said.
       "Guys, I want you to know. I would never do this, if I didn't have to. I know the depth and quality of love in your house, and I know you have probably worked miracles with this kid. But it truly is out of my hands," Tyrone said.
       "We know that, Ty, just like we know cancer kills people," Rick said. "But we still mourn them, don't we?"
       "Yeah, we do," Tyrone said.
       * * *
       "We can't say a word to them about this until after their trip," I said to Rick, after Tyrone had left.
       "I know. Don't you just want to go out into that parking lot out there and scream?"
       "Yeah, I want to do that, but I also want to go somewhere and hit the person responsible hard in the stomach and make them puke," I said.
       "That's funny, Babe, but I can't laugh right now," Rick said.
       "I didn't mean it to be funny. I meant it literally," I said.
       Rick grabbed me up in a big hug.
       "We're losing our baby, man," he said.
       "I know," I said.
       We hugged each other for a long, long time, crying our eyes out. I knew Mary Ann could hear all of that through the door. When we finally did settle down and Rick was leaving my office, Mary Ann was gone from her desk. There was a note, though.
       "10:10 AM. I have a lot of shopping to do, and I doubt that you'll need me. Don't expect me back until after lunch. Much love, Mary Ann."
       "God, she's wonderful," Rick said.
       "You don't know the half of it," I said.
       "Let's go have lunch with the kids," he said.
       "I'd love to, but they're not in school right now, remember? It's summer vacation."
       "Shit," he said. "I'm getting old, man, and so are you."
       "I know, Mister Birthday Boy," I said. "Today's the seventh. Yours is the eleventh. That's Saturday, Babe."
       "Isn't that the day they leave for Boston?"
       "Yeah, it is, so I guess your party will have to be Friday night, the tenth," Kevin said.
       "I don't feel much in a party mood right now," I said.
       "I know. I don't either, but we can't let on to them, right?"
       "Right," I said. "Shit. God Almighty. Why did this have to happen to us right now?"
       "It's the law," I said, "and the law is always just and true."
       He and I both laughed bitterly at that one.
       * * *
       Kyle and Justin got home from the college around the same time Rick and I got home from work. Jeff had gone to get Brian at the gift shop, so they were home, too. Only Seth and Alex were still gone. God, we missed Tim.
       "How'd it go, guys," I asked Kyle and Justin.
       "I thought it went pretty good. The people were really nice. Extremely nice, in fact," Kyle said. "A bunch of them knew my dad, and one guy called the president. He came down to meet me. They have something called the Emerald Coast Community College Foundation, and my dad has been on the board of that for a long time, evidently. President of that board a few times, I guess. The president of the college told me there are thirty Goodson endowed scholarships through that foundation, and we had to go to the Goodson Fine Arts Center for a meeting. Did you guys know about that?"
       "Not the details, Kyle, but we knew the Goodson Family Foundation supported the college heavily," I said.
       "What's the Goodson Family Foundation," Kyle asked.
       "It's the charitable arm of your family, Kyle," Rick said.
       "Why didn't they tell me about that stuff," Kyle asked.
       "You've really never heard of that," I asked.
       "Really, Kevin. Never," he said.
       "It's not your family, Kyle. It's the other rich Goodsons in town," Brian said.
       "Oh," Kyle said.
       That broke everybody up in laughter.
       "Did you pass your tests? That's the big question," Rick said.
       "I passed mine," Jus said.
       "Me, too," Kyle said. "But it was just the English test for me. I sweated out the math test at the beginning of my junior year. I passed that sucker, too."
       "I passed it today," Jus said.
       "I know. That's so good," Kyle said. "You already said that, though."
       "Well, it happens to mean a lot to me, Kyle," Justin said.
       "I know, Bubba. It means a lot to me, too," Kyle said.
       "How did Cody do," Seth asked.
       "He passed them, too, Seth. He did really good on both of them," Kyle said.
       "Did you guys get registered for courses," Jeff asked.
       "Yeah. Me and Kyle and Cody are going to have English on Monday and Wednesday from 5:30 to seven in the evening, and me and Cody have history from eight to 8:50 in the morning on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday," Justin said.
       "Oh, my God," Jeff said. "I hate eight o'clock classes worse than anything. When do you start?"
       "August 24th," Jus said. "Bright and early on a Monday morning."
       "Good luck," Jeff said. There was more than a touch of irony in his voice.
       "You're not taking math," Rick asked Justin.
       "No, sir, not this time. The lady, my counselor, said she thought I should start easy. She also suggested I take a remedial math course, even though I passed the test. There are three of them, and I need the last one. I didn't pass the test by much," Jus said.
       "Well, she's the professional, Jus. It's a good idea to listen to what she says," Rick said.
       "Yeah," Jus said.
       "Has Alex decided what he wants to do," Rick asked.
       "He wants to go to college," Kyle said. "His appointment is tomorrow. When I talked to him, he wasn't sure if y'all wanted him to stay here. You need to get him straightened out about that."
       "We'll talk to him," I said.
       * * *
       The next morning Rick was in my office after I had made my rounds.
       "I'm just absolutely sick over this thing with Brian," Rick said. "I mean, it's like I want to kidnap him and take him to another state or something. I didn't sleep well at all last night."
       "I know," I said. "Babe, I can count on one hand the number of times you've kept me awake, but when you can't sleep, I can't sleep either."
       "I'm sorry," he said.
       There was a tap on the door, and Mary Ann poked her head in.
       "Kevin, I know you and Rick need time alone, but I thought you'd want to take this call. It's Tyrone Williams with Children and Family Services," she said.
       I looked at Rick and took a deep breath. Surely Tyrone wouldn't be calling to get us to take another kid after what happened yesterday, I thought.
       "I'll take it," I said.
       "Kevin, I'll get right to the point," Tyrone said, after we had greeted each other. "The deal with Brian Mathews is off."
       "What?"
       "You heard me. He's staying with you all."
       "Rick's in here with me. Let me put you on speaker so he can hear it for himself," I said.
       "Rick, you there?"
       "I'm here," he said.
       "Brian is going to stay with you guys," he said.
       Rick and I burst into the biggest grins we'd ever had.
       "What happened," I asked.
       "The mother called me first thing this morning and said her husband's back at home, and they don't want the kid. You'd be surprised at how often this kind of thing happens. Had you said anything to Brian about it?"
       "No, thank God," I said. "Tyrone, is this kind of thing going to keep going on? We need to be prepared, if it is."
       "Not with Brian, it won't," he said. "The mother told me she's willing to terminate parental rights, so he'll be a permanent ward of the state. That means he'll stay with you guys until he's grown."
       "Yes!" Rick shouted.
       "You couldn't have given us any better news, Ty," I said.
       "I figured you'd be happy about it. Er, it looks like I might have to ask you to take another one before the summer is over. It's a kid from Pensacola this time, and it's another case of a father not wanting a gay son. He's with his grandfather in Kentucky right now, but the grandfather is pretty bad off health-wise. He can't keep him."
       "What's his name," I asked.
       "Shane Webster, and he's fifteen," Tyrone said. "He's a real outgoing kid. He should fit in well with you guys."
       "When will we get him," Rick asked.
       "I can leave that up to you. School starts August 24th, and we'd like him to be settled by then. Otherwise, though, there's no rush. You pick a date."
       "We're supposed to go out to Montana to see Chris Uhle for two weeks starting August 2nd, and we'll be back on the fifteenth," I said.
       "Is that the kid with cerebral palsy," Tyrone asked. "Is that who you're going to see?"
       "Yeah. You remember him, don't you?"
       "Yes. You guys saved my life for sure on that one," he said. "Well, I'll be damned."
       "Let us talk to the boys, and we'll get back to you. We've got a couple of unofficial foster sons now that you don't know about. One is really just a house guest, and the other one is eighteen. But they're still kids, and they still take up time," I said.
       "Amazing. Is Justin Davis going to continue living with you all. He turned eighteen, didn't he?"
       "Yes to both questions," I said.
       "How many do you have altogether?"
       "Counting Tim and Kyle, who actually officially live with their parents but who are at our house most of the time, and counting the boy visiting from New Orleans, and counting Jeff Martin, who's almost twenty-one, we have seven. And assorted boyfriends, of course."
       "How do you even remember all their names, for heaven's sake," Tyrone asked.
       "We don't. We call everybody 'Bubba,'" Rick said.
       "You do?"
       "That's a family joke, Ty," I said.
       "Well, let me let you guys get back to work. I'm really sorry I had to put you through what I did yesterday, but there really was nothing I could do about it," Tyrone said. "Good bye, fellows. And thanks."
       We told him bye.
       "We can't tell Brian about this," Rick said.
       "I know. I'm so emotionally rung out right now, I won't be able to get a thing done today," I said.
       "Me, either. Let's go home," Rick said.
       I picked up the phone and called Mary Ann.
       "I don't have anything big on my calendar today, do I?"
       "No. As a matter of fact, it's clear, for once," she said.
       "Good. Rick and I are going home for the rest of the day. How about telling Cheryl about that, would you?"
       "Sure. Have fun, Kev. I don't know what's been going on the last couple of days, but I know it hasn't been good."
       "Well, it had a happy ending, Mary Ann. Very happy," I said.
       "Good. Enjoy the day with Rick, Kev. I'll see you tomorrow."
       Rick and I spent the day on Kyle's boat. We put together a picnic lunch, rounded up Trixie, and went to the island for the day. We lounged and walked and napped and played with Trixie, and we came home restored. And maybe just a little red from the sun.

(Brian's Perspective)
       Justin seemed to like the report card I made for him. I was glad I had thought to do that. I really admired him for wanting to go to college. Tim and I had talked about the fact that Justin would probably always have a good job with Goodson Enterprises, whether or not he made it through college. Jus knew that, too, and that's sort of what made it more remarkable that he would even try to do it. I can't imagine not going to high school, but that's what he had done.
       Kevin and Rick had acted sort of funny Tuesday night. It wasn't one particular thing they did or said. It was more like what you might call the tone of the evening. We did some laughing, but it wasn't as much as we sometimes did. I hoped everything was all right.
       "We've got to plan Rick's party," Kyle said while we were sitting around in the den.
       "Nothing fancy," Rick said. "Just us and our friends."
       He looked at Kevin when he said that, and neither one of them smiled.
       "Since we have so much going on with your trip and all, why don't we postpone it a while," Kevin said.
       "That's a good idea," Rick said immediately.
       "We can't do that," Kyle said. "Everybody gets a party for his birthday. That's my motto."
       "You and your damn mottos. You've got more mottos than Trixie's got fleas," Justin said.
       "I'll give you a motto you won't ever forget, Bubba," Kyle said.
       They were playing.
       "Yeah? I'd like to see you try," Jus said.
       "Guys, can you knock it off, please," Rick said. "Kevin and I had a very rough day, and I'm not really in the mood for all the 'got you last' shit tonight."
       That shut everybody up fast.
       "Is it okay if I just put together a little something for Friday night, Rick," Kyle asked. "Just us and our best friends."
       "Kyle, I know you want to please me, son, and I appreciate that. I'm just not in a very good mood tonight," Rick said. "Just a few people, okay? And no whole cooked animals."
       "Okay," Kyle said. He laughed a little at the "no whole cooked animals" line.
       Rick was sitting on one of the sofas, and Kevin got behind him. He started giving Rick a neck massage.
       "Let's go shoot some pool," Kyle said.
       "Good idea," Jus said.
       We all went out to the clubhouse.
       "What the fuck was that all about," Justin asked as soon as we had gotten out there.
       "They had a very bad day. That's what they said," Kyle said.
       "It scares me," I said. "I've never seen them like that before. Did they seem a little sad to you all?"
       "Yes," Jeff said.
       We didn't shoot pool. We sat in the conversation area, some on the sofas, some on the floor. Nobody really had much to say, though.
       "Let's make a guest list," Kyle finally said. "We're getting to be such a big group, it's hard to not have a crowd for this thing."
       "Let's have chicken," Jus said. "You've never served that at a party, have you?"
       "That's a good idea. But who are we going to invite?"
       "Kyle, you were right. It's almost not possible for us to have a small party anymore without hurting somebody's feelings by not inviting them. Maybe it should just be us. The immediate family and boyfriends," Jeff said.
       "No boyfriends," Kyle said.
       "What?!"
       Everybody was all over Kyle in an instant.
       "Just kidding. Jesus Christ!" Kyle said.
       "You're missing your boyfriend, aren't you," I said.
       "Yes, I am, Bri. Very much, in fact," Kyle said.
       "I'll be your boyfriend, Kyle," Alex said.
       Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you, I thought. I knew he was joking, but, just like most of the rest of us, he'd go for Kyle in a split second.
       "Come here," Justin said.
       He had one arm around me, and he made Kyle sit next to him on the other side. He put his arm around Kyle, too.
       "Are you going to call him tonight," Jus asked.
       "I want to, but I forgot to write down the damn number where he is. His cell phone is out of area, way up there," Kyle said.
       "Isn't the number in the memory," Jeff asked.
       Kyle took his phone out of his pocket.
       "I forgot about that," he said. He checked the phone. "Yeah, here it is. I'll be back in a few minutes."
       "'Bout an hour, more like it. You need a rubber," Jus asked.
       "Very funny," Kyle said, but he was grinning hard.
       "Don't give him a rubber. You don't want to run out, do you," I said.
       They all laughed.
       Kyle went outside to make his call. Seth got a call from Cody about then, and Jeff got a call from Tyler. They all went off in different directions to talk. It wa