It was Friday morning near the end of March. Adam sat dejected on the ground near where he had been dropped off. It was another day of school, but certainly not another normal day for him. He had stayed the previous night at Gary's house, but Gary's mum had made it quite clear that he wasn't welcome back there. The night before last, he had been at Aiden's house, but Aiden's dad's displeasure at the situation had been painfully obvious. Adam's arm was still sore from the blow he had received.
Who could he stay with tonight? Aiden and Gary had both said that they wouldn't say anything to anyone, but he didn't know how long it would be before word got out. As Adam looked up, he saw the Johnson twins getting off the bus. Maybe...
“Hey, Stick! Giant! Ready for the big game tomorrow?”
Startled, I looked around, and then grinned at one of my basketball teammates, Adam, as I stepped off the bus. Having just arrived at the Yarra Valley Christian College near Yarra Glen, my brother and I were nerving ourselves for another day at school. At least the weather seemed fine today. Living on the outskirts of Melbourne, Australia, we never know what the weather is going to do.
“Hi, Ads! Ready as ever. If my little brother here will pass me the ball occasionally I don't think we'll have a problem,” I replied cheekily.
My little brother looked down at me and grinned widely.
“If you're ever in a decent position when I get the ball, David, I'll pass it to you. Until then, I'll keep shooting goals.” He laughed as he put his arm across my shoulder and then had me in a quick headlock before letting go.
I was a little surprised that my brother had called me by my real name instead of my nickname. Even though 5’ 10” is moderately tall for a sixteen-year-old, my build is, to put it bluntly, like a stick insect. Consequently, practically everyone calls me “Stick”.
My little brother, Randy, is two years younger than me. In one of those crazy genetic mix-ups, he’s already taller than me at just under 6’. Hence his nickname, “Giant”. He also has a much heavier build, which makes him quite an intimidating centre on the basketball court. Given our similar heights, and the fact that we are obviously brothers, we've been known as the Johnson twins for as long as I can remember. There are still a lot of people who can't believe we're not really twins. I think the fact that we always hang around together and both have the same dark blonde hair, almost a light brown, probably adds to the confusion. We fight occasionally; what brothers don't? But I'd have to say that he's as close to being a perfect brother as I could wish for.
Basketball is a major passion of ours. We formed our own team two years ago – mainly from school friends, along with two of our next-door neighbours. We play in the local under-17’s competition on Saturday afternoons. Admittedly it’s only B grade, but that's not bad considering we started in C grade when the team was formed. We’ve had a good season so far, so we should make the finals in a couple of weeks’ time. If we can win the finals, we'll be promoted to the A Reserve grade for the next season.
I was a little surprised that Adam “Ads” Kennedy was there to see us. Normally he arrives just before the classes start. I know that well, because I’ve often seen him arriving at the last minute in the classes we share. He’s also a founding member of the Everest basketball club that Randy and I play in. My dad suggested that name, saying that we might as well have a team name that shows how high we want to climb through the competition. It’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, as none of us are really that competitive.
Adam is a little shorter than me at 5’ 9”. He's a year younger than me, though, so I suspect he'll catch up eventually. He's heavier – not really that surprising, considering how thin I am – but not by too much. His hair is brown, though it's hard to tell that as he usually keeps it cut extremely short. When I asked him why a few months ago, he told me that he absolutely hates having curly hair. I had the impression that his mum kept making comments about how “cute” the curls looked. If there is one thing your typical teenage male hates, it’s being called “cute”. Keeping his hair short is Adam’s solution to the problem.
“Stick, I was wondering if I could ask you for a favour?” Adam inquired hesitantly.
I smiled in return. “Sure, Ads! No promises you'll get it, though.”
Adam glanced down nervously, avoiding eye contact with either my brother or me. “I'm having a bit of trouble with my dad at the moment. He's just as likely to decide that he can't run me out to the stadium tomorrow. Do you think it'll be okay if I crash at your place tonight? That way we can go to the game together.”
Randy and I looked at each other and shrugged.
“I can't see a problem. We'll just need to let Mum know.” I looked at him questioningly. “What's the trouble with your dad?” I added.
“I'm not really sure,” Adam answered evasively, still looking down at the ground. “He's just gone off his tree about something and I think he's just taking it out on me. It's just easier if I'm not around to set him off.”
Something wasn't adding up. If things are so bad that you think you’re better off not being at home, you have to have a reason for thinking that. I was just about to call him on it, when I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist.
“Hmmm. I think you might be slowing down in your old age, Stick,” whispered a soft feminine voice from behind me.
I turned with a smile and kissed my girlfriend, Elizabeth Richardson, lightly on the lips. We've been going out for eight months now, and in my opinion, I've got the best girl in the entire school. I know that redheads are supposed to be hot tempered, but Liz is one of the most laidback people I know. She may not be the best looker in year 10, but her sparkling personality outshines any of the other girls by a huge margin. At 5’ 5”, Liz only comes up to my eyes, but I think that is a perfect height. I slid my right arm across her shoulders as I pulled her gently to my chest for a quick hug. Her arms around my waist squeezed slightly, returning my sign of affection.
“And what makes you say that, Liz?” I asked in a soft, playful voice.
“I haven't been able to sneak up on you for at least a couple of weeks. You usually spot me before I get within ten feet,” she smiled back. “What's distracted you today?” she continued.
I turned back to Adam, but I saw him and Randy heading off towards the classrooms, chatting as they went.
“Ads was discussing the prep for tomorrow's game with Giant and me. He also asked if he could crash at our place tonight, but he was a bit evasive about why. I was just about to ask him what was going on when you showed up.” I gave her another light kiss. “Sorry about that – next time I'll keep in mind what the really important things are.” Liz always brings out the gentler side of my personality. It’s as if a light switch is thrown on inside me whenever she shows up – dispelling any dark or worrying issues that are bothering me.
As I mentioned Adam, I noticed a quick frown flick across her face.
“What's wrong?” I asked her.
“I'm not sure,” she replied slowly, frowning again. “I'm beginning to hear some strange rumours about Adam. Apparently he stayed at Aiden's house on Wednesday, but Aidy won't talk about it. He just clams up and does his silent stare if he's asked about it.”
Aiden “Aidy” Trent is the same age as me, but he’s the only one of our teammates who is in year 11 at school. This is not because he's smart – okay, he's reasonably smart, but not that smart – or that I was held back, but simply that he started school a year before me. Here in the state of Victoria, if you're born in the first half of the year, your parents can either start you at school in the year you turn five or the following year. If you're born in the second half of the year, you have no choice – you start school the year after you turn five. Aiden's parents chose to start him at the earliest possible year, while my parents chose to wait the extra year. He has long, straight black hair that usually hangs loose, but is bound up in a ponytail when he's on the basketball court. At 5’ 8”, he can play as either a forward or a guard, as the situation requires.
As Liz alluded, he can be a very private person. Of all our teammates, he's the one that I understand the least. If he’s discussing basketball he's open and friendly, but if the conversation strays into anything he considers personal, he becomes as unresponsive as a rock. Intimidating is an understatement for the impact you feel if you're caught by his stare at those times. A change of topic, however, shatters the rock and he returns to being an extroverted, fun-loving teenager. I've only met his father once, when we played in the grand final during the first season of our team. Given how cold and unforgiving his father was on that day, I suspect that's why he's such a private person. We had won the grand final and all Mr. Trent could do was berate Aiden for some trivial mistakes he had made. Asking him to confirm that suspicion, however, is naturally out of the question. I'd like to get to know Aiden better, but I have reluctantly accepted that he is going to have to make the first move. All I can do is to keep giving him opportunities.
“Do you have any ideas on where he stayed last night?” I queried Liz.
“No…” she answered, reluctantly. “I know he didn’t stay with Aidy, as I saw him arrive a few minutes ago, and Adam was already here.”
I pondered the problem for a few seconds. “If he stayed with another teammate, it’d have to be either Gazza or Break. They are the only other ones who go to this school. I’d guess Gazza because he and Aidy are the only ones that live here in Yarra Glen.”
Gary “Gazza” Loveridge is in year 10 with me, but he's another fifteen-year-old. Now, Liz doesn't have the temper normally associated with redheads. Gary, on the other hand, definitely does. We all know what he's like and know how to avoid setting him off, at least most of the time, but we can't do much about when he sets himself off. In his favour is the fact that once he's calmed down after blowing his top, everything is cool. He's not one to hold a grudge or to stay angry for long periods of time. It's a case of a massive blowup followed by a calm as if nothing had happened. At 5’ 7”, he's one of our guards. Unfortunately, when he makes a mistake on the court, he starts to lose his temper and just gets more aggressive. It's not uncommon for him to be fouled out in a match, with the occasional technical foul for abusive language thrown in. In fairness, I think he's been getting better, but I'd have to give that credit to his new girlfriend Mary Bryant. She seems to be a steadying influence on him. Gary has the widest range of school friends of any of us. He seems to be able to talk to anyone and everyone – a talent that I'm envious of. Even his temper doesn't seem to get in the road of him making friends. In fact, I think he's made most of his friends during the aftermaths of his explosions.
Scott “Break” Wilson is our principal playmaker. He's only 5’ 6” in height, which is a little short for a sixteen-year-old, but he's very solid, and the fastest player on our team. He and Randy usually compete for who gets the highest score in our matches. Randy gets his goals under the basket where he can use his height, while Scott gets most of his from fast breaks and turnovers. He and Randy have almost a sixth sense on the court at times. When Randy gets a defensive rebound, he often immediately makes a baseball pass to Scott, who's already three quarters of the way down the court towards our basket. Unlike Adam, Scott’s quite proud of his black curly hair. The two of them have had lots of fun discussions on whether or not the girls like curly hair. Overall, he tends to be the quiet type. He's quite popular with the girls, but doesn't seem to want, or be able to settle on, just one. No matter, he's such a relaxed person that most of the girls that have chased him in the past still have a kind word for him if it's ever needed. He’s also a computer wiz, as he’s demonstrated so many times in the computer class we share.
Rounding out the team are our other two teammates: Brett “B1” and Brian “B2” Ricardo, the team’s real set of fifteen-year-old identical twins. They are our next-door neighbours – using that term loosely. They live a quarter mile from Randy and me, but that's because both families live on rural properties. That's still our closest neighbour and they’re good friends. At 5’ 6”, they both play the guard position. They have the usual freakish, almost telepathic understanding of each other that's not uncommon amongst identical twins and which comes in really handy at times on the basketball court. Both of them are in year 9, but since they go to a different school anyway, that's not usually an issue. They have been called B1 and B2 since kindergarten. It was, I suppose, inevitable that they ended up nicknamed after a pair of giant bananas, given the popularity of the “Bananas in Pajamas” preschool show. I'm sure there are times they have wished that their parents had picked names with a different first letter, but that's the fate of all kids – living with the mistakes our parents make. Nowadays, it's almost like a badge of pride for them.
Practically everything they wear has either a 1 or a 2 on it somewhere. And, of course, their numbers on the basketball court are 11 and 12. I would like for them to attend our school, but their parents put them into the government school in nearby Lilydale. Happily, they’re around at our place almost as much as they’re at their home, so we haven’t lost touch with them since we left primary school.
“Tell you what. I'll see what I can get out of Adam tonight, and I'll let you know tomorrow morning. How does that sound?” I suggested, giving Liz a quick squeeze.
“Okay.” She smiled up at me. “And now for some depressing news – it's time we got going to class.”
Damn! Why do they have to ruin a perfectly satisfactory Friday morning with school? I think they do it on purpose.
Adam noticed that a few people were beginning to give him some strange looks. He hoped it was just the state of his clothes. There wasn't a lot he could do about them not being ironed – he only had three school shirts with him and there was no way he could keep them unwrinkled in his duffle bag. It would have been easier if the school didn't have a compulsory uniform, but being at school was really his only chance of getting a place to sleep for the night. No one looked disgusted, and he didn't hear any taunts, so hopefully that meant that Aiden and Gary had kept quiet about what was really going on.
Adam sighed. The real test with those two would be tomorrow at the game – if he showed up. It would be painfully obvious on the basketball court if they didn't consider him to be a teammate any more. Tonight, however, it would be the Johnson twins. He was sure that their parents would do the same as Gary and Aiden's, and ring home to check that he could stay the night. That's when his dad would tell them all about his former son...
“Hi, Mum! We're home!” Randy and I called out in unison, as we walked through the door.
There was no answer, which probably meant that she was either out shopping or down the paddock with her horse.
“She's not here at the moment,” I said, turning to Adam. “Just put your stuff in my room before we start on our homework.”
“Okay. Do you mind if I take a quick shower and get changed, too?” he called back over his shoulder as he headed off
“Sure – you know where everything is.”
I turned to Randy.
“Giant. You did remember to ring Mum at lunchtime, didn’t you?” I asked him.
“Of course I did!” he answered indignantly, and then continued with a grin, “After all, I didn’t have to spend half my lunchtime chasing after Liz. From the way you looked, I’m surprised you remembered to get back to your classes afterwards. Oh yeah – it was probably Liz who remembered. Based on the expression on your face at the time, I don’t think there was anything like a thought going through that brain of yours!”
“Just you wait until you get a girlfriend, Randy! Then it’ll be my turn to give you grief,” I warned.
The Yarra Valley where we live is the wine-growing region on the northeast outskirts of Melbourne. The Yarra Valley Christian College is a secondary school (years 7 to 12) that gets its students from both the outer northeast suburbs of Melbourne and from the rural communities scattered through the valley. In our case, we're the rural types. Our parents have a lovely little 20-acre property at the edge of the valley. The land is unsuitable for grape growing, otherwise it would be worth an absolute fortune, but it's enough for our mum to keep up her hobby of riding horses. As an extra bonus, in autumn the views over the nearby vineyards are especially dramatic as the waves of gold, red and brown leaves recede into the distance. Add in the occasional spectacular sunset, and you have a little slice of heavenly beauty to take the breath away.
My brother and I have lived here all our lives. Our parents, Kevin Castle and Yvonne Johnson, are both accountants – though Mum now only works part-time – and moved out here to start their family. They’ve been married for twenty years. Our mum refused to change her name when they got married, and that causes occasional confusion. When I was born, and later when my brother arrived, my dad let us take our mum's surname. He told us later that his parents already had lots of “Castle” grandkids – my dad has two brothers – but our mum's parents didn't have any “Johnson” grandkids until we came along, as my mum's family is all girls. That's the sort of relaxed, accommodating person that my dad is. Sometimes he’s asked why he didn’t insist on Mum changing her name. He’s always replied that it's just that he can't see the point in fighting or arguing about issues that in the total scheme of things are just not important. After all, what's in a name? If it makes my mum happy to not change her name, why shouldn’t she keep it?
Anyway, Mum is a keen, though amateur, horse rider. Whenever possible, she goes to all the local competitions. Before they started a family, my parents worked hard to buy a property where she could have her horses with her. It was that important to her. We have three horses at the moment. My dad rides, as well, but I think it’s mainly just to keep Mum company. He certainly doesn't practice very much, unlike Mum. Randy and I can both ride, but neither of us is particularly interested in it as a sport. When we want to ride, we just take Mark, our horse, and borrow Bel, Dad's horse. No one, repeat, no one, is allowed to ride Jacque, Mum's horse, except for her. She tries to ride him at least once a day if the weather is reasonable. Normally she'll ride in the morning, but it's not unusual for her to be down the paddock with the horses when we get home from school.
As he took a shower, Adam had an idea. If they thought he’d already called home, maybe they wouldn’t ring his dad. If they didn’t, he might be able to stay for Saturday night as well, before they found out...
“Hey, Stick. I really should call home and let them know where I'm staying tonight. Do you mind if I call now?” Adam asked.
Whoever invented trigonometry deserves to be shot AND castrated. I looked up from my math homework as Adam came out of my bedroom. I suddenly remembered his comments from this morning.
“I thought you were trying to avoid your dad. Won't ringing him just cause problems?” I asked, with a curious look.
“Ah... I'll probably get Mum at this time of the day, so I don't think that'll be an issue,” Adam replied, staring around the room to avoid eye contact.
He was being evasive again. I think even Randy was picking up on it, as he’d just given me a quizzical look. What exactly was going on? I decided to try to get the answer out of him later, when he was more relaxed.
“Okay, the phone’s over there.” I shrugged, pointing to the phone.
“Thanks, mate.”
Because of the size of the property, we have a cordless phone that works anywhere within a couple of hundred meters of the house. As Adam hadn't bothered to take the phone out of the room, and I really didn’t want to get back to my math homework, I couldn’t help eavesdrop on his conversation.
“Hi, Mum.”
“Yes, I'm fine. I'm staying with Stick and Giant tonight.”
He rolls his eyes as he looks over in our direction. “Yes, Mum, of course I'll remember to thank Mrs. Johnson for having me over.”
“Has he calmed down yet?”
He frowned slightly as he listened to the response.
“Okay, I'll call you tomorrow after the game.”
“Alright. Bye, Mum. See you soon.”
As Adam hung up, I saw Randy looking strangely at him. He had obviously listened to the conversation as well as me, but he seemed to have picked up something about it that I hadn’t.
“Ah... Ads...” he started hesitantly.
“Yeah, Giant. What is it?” Adam asked in a distracted tone, as he came to the table with his schoolbooks.
Randy looked at him for a moment, as if he was trying to work out what to say.
“Never mind,” he sighed, as he turned his attention back to his homework.
Adam quietly let out the breath he was holding. For a moment he had thought that Randy had realised what he had done. He thought he had held the phone so the brothers couldn't see that it wasn't on when he was talking, but he wasn't sure. Then he mentally kicked himself. He should have rung the phone number for the Johnsons’ home and then talked to the “engaged” signal. Then there wouldn't have been any risk at all.
“Hi, boys. Hi, Adam. I believe you're staying the night,” Mum called out cheerfully, as she came in through the back door.
“Hi, Mum,” my brother and I chorused.
“Hello, Mrs. Johnson. Yes, if that's alright with you,” Adam replied.
“That's fine, as long your parents are okay with it,” she replied, kicking off her boots. She obviously wasn’t paying too much attention to the conversation.
“I rang them earlier to let them know where I am,” Adam announced in a matter-of-fact tone.
I noticed that Randy had that strange look on his face again, as if he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if he should.
“Alright, then. How long have you been studying?” she asked us, obviously closing the topic of Adam staying the night.
Randy looked up at the clock. “About an hour and a half. I'm just about finished. What about you guys?” he asked, looking at Adam and me.
I looked at Adam and raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, I think I've had enough, too. I've done everything I have to do, and made a good start on some of the longer-term homework. What about you, Adam?”
“Same here. Time for some two-on-one practice?” he asked with an enthusiastic smile.
We all grinned.
“Let’s get changed and meet back at the ring in five,” I suggested, closing my books and rising to my feet. The other two quickly joined me in doing the same.
Two-on-one practice is something we do when one of our teammates is around. Our dad played a bit of basketball when he was younger and helps out as a coach when he can. As we only really play for fun, we don't bother training, though Randy often joins one of the more serious other teams in our competition for their training sessions. What can I say? It's a friendly local competition – not the state championships. Dad's always complained that too much emphasis in the game is spent on offense and not enough on defense. He once admitted to me that the main reason he says that is that defense was the only thing he was ever good at, but that's beside the point.
When we have three of us, we play two offenses against one defense. If the offensive player misses a shot, or the defense steals the ball, then that offensive player becomes the defense and the defense becomes the offense. The idea is both to improve the defensive skills – otherwise you end up playing the entire time as defense – and also to train the offensive players to always find the easy shot. As my dad always tells us, when you're two against one, someone should always be able to take a shot without any defense. It's been surprisingly successful, and our team is acknowledged as having one of the best defenses of our grade, even if it is only B grade.
We played until Dad came home, and then went inside for a shower before dinner.
At dinner, the conversation flowed pretty smoothly. Dad was asking his usual questions about our schoolwork, and what we thought our chances were for the game tomorrow. (We'd win, of course - what other answer could there be?)
“Adam, I believe you're staying the night. Is that right?” my dad asked, as we were finishing up.
“Yes, sir. I thought it would be better to go to the game from here, rather than from home,” Adam replied.
I looked at him suspiciously. That wasn’t quite the reason he had given me this morning!
“I spoke to your father this afternoon,” my dad continued calmly, keeping his eyes on Adam.
Adam froze. “Here it comes,” he thought
“Under the circumstances, I was wondering if you'd like to stay here for the weekend?” Dad asked in a tender tone and with a wry half smile.
Adam was stunned. This wasn’t what he expected. “What the fuck is going on?” he wondered.
“Kevin, what do you mean? What circumstances?” Mum asked, looking surprised at Dad.
I mentally echoed the question. What did my dad know that I didn't?
“Adam, do you want to answer that question, or would you like me to?” my dad asked gently, looking intently at Adam.
Everyone looked at Adam. I had heard about someone looking like a deer in a spotlight, but I don't think I’d ever seen it before. Adam looked frozen in terror. His eyes were locked on my dad's. He flicked a terror-stricken glance at my brother and me before looking down at the table. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out.
“Okay then, I'll answer it,” Dad sighed. “Adam was kicked out of his home on Tuesday night. As far as his father is concerned, Adam is no longer his son.”
“WHAT! Why the fuck would he do that?” I yelled angrily.
“Because,” Adam said quietly, with a note of sorrow and pain that seemed to be drawn from the bottom of his heart, “I'm gay.”
Time froze.
My dad had just announced that Adam had been kicked out of home and disowned by his father. I was consumed by anger at the callous and highhanded behaviour of Mr. Kennedy. Parents are supposed to love their children. How could anyone do that to their own son? Then all my emotions went into a tailspin when Adam announced that it was because he is gay.
Gay? It couldn't be – Adam is as straight as they come. There’s nothing feminine about him at all! It had to be some sort of joke. The only thing, though, was the way he had said it. The pain and sorrow that came through left no doubts in my mind – he wasn't joking. The unchanged expression on my dad's face only emphasized the truth – he already knew.
I grasped for the anger that I had felt only a moment before, but it was gone, washed away in an ice-cold stream of shock. Who was Adam? I had thought I knew him, but apparently not. Was he holding any other secrets? Other secrets? What was I thinking about – this one was big enough! He's been hiding this from me ever since we've known each other. What was he planning on doing? Jumping me one night when he slept over? Sleep over! What about tonight? I couldn’t share a room with him – I didn’t know what he’d do!
“A fucking homo! Bloody cocksucker! Get your stuff out of my room. I don't want a homo anywhere near me! Cancel that. I don't want you in my room even to get your stuff. I'll throw it out into the corridor for you to collect when I'm not around!” The anger and disgust in my voice made it very clear how strongly I felt about what he had told us.
I stood up abruptly, ready to steam off to my room and get away from the stranger who had just moments before been masquerading as a friend.
“David! Sit down NOW!” roared my father.
“But Dad, he's ...”
“SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!” he screamed.
Randy and Mum were staring at me in disbelief. Well, how did they expect me to react? Adam gave me an anguished look before he looked down again. He slowly rose to his feet, eyes still downcast.
“Adam. Sit down, please. We haven't finished this discussion,” ordered Dad in a gentler voice.
“I'm sorry, sir. I'll go move my stuff to the stables for the night.”
“You'll do no such thing,” replied my dad sternly. Rising to his feet, he leant over the table to me. “If you don't want Adam in your room tonight, then fine. He'll sleep somewhere else in the house. But get this through your thick skull, David. ADAM IS STAYING HERE FOR AS LONG AS HE NEEDS TO.”
“What? How can you let a fucking poofter live here? Who knows what he'll do!” I yelled back.
My dad sat back down, and his face became calm. An icy calm while he stared at me, but at least it was calm. A creeping dread came over me, as I suspected that this was just the calm before the storm.
“Homework time,” he said coldly.
I stopped, stunned. How could Dad ask this of me now? A few times a year, something comes up in a family discussion that he decides Randy and I need to know more about. He assigns homework for us to do to study the subject at hand. It's normally not an onerous task; just a couple of hours on the Internet researching what he's asked us to look up. What stunned me was that I couldn't believe he wanted me to look up anything about poofters!
“I want you to look up suicide risk factors, especially for teenagers. As an extra bit of research, if you can, find out the rate of suicide attempts amongst homeless youths,” he continued, still staring at me coldly.
Suicide? What had that to do with Adam? I turned to look at him. He was staring at Dad with a surprised and puzzled expression on his face.
“Sir, I ....”
“Adam, we'll talk about this while Randy and David are doing their homework. In the meantime, let's go get your stuff out of David's room.”
“He can stay in my room tonight, if he wants,” my brother piped up, as he rose to his feet.
Heads spun around as we all looked at him with surprise. Did he know what he was saying? I opened my mouth to object, but Mum beat me to it.
“Randy, thanks for your offer, but your dad and I will work out where Adam will sleep tonight,” she said, glancing across at Dad.
“Mum, what's the problem? Adam's stayed overnight lots of times before. He's a friend and I trust him. I'm not asking him to share my bed, just share the room!” Randy pleaded.
I don't know whose face looked more shocked, Adam's or mine. My little brother was asking a fucking queer to spend the night with him! I needed to get him alone to beat some sense into him.
“Randy, we’ll consider it. We don’t want to make a decision now,” Mum replied.
“Come on, Giant. We have homework to do,” I said, as I dragged him to the study. I needed to get him out of there before he said anything else. How big a hole was he trying to dig for himself?
Adam stood in shock as his mind raced in thought. He wondered what was going on. Stick's reaction had been even worse than Aiden's dad’s, but Mr. Castle couldn't have been cooler. Stay there as long as he needed? Had he really mean that, or did that just mean until they could find someone to take him off their hands? And what was that talk about suicide? And Giant’s stating that Adam was still a friend and he still trusted him? An emotional rollercoaster would be an understatement for what Adam had just gone through in a couple of minutes.
As he and Mr. Castle headed off down the hallway to David's room, Adam paused to lean against the wall. A shudder passed through his body as the tight knot of despair he had been carrying ever since his dad threw him out slowly unraveled. No longer able to support him, Adam's legs gave way and he sank to the floor. Mr. Castle turned as Adam collapsed. He started to say something, but when he saw the expression on Adam's face he bent down and put his arms around him.
“It's going to be alright, son. You're safe now. It's going to be alright. You're safe now,” he repeated softly, over and over again, as Adam started to quietly cry.
Randy and I entered the study, neither speaking to the other.
While we both have computers in our rooms, the only computer that has Internet access is the one in the study. Both Randy and I have complained about this many times, but our parents have been adamant. They don’t want us surfing the ‘net in our bedrooms. If it's in the study – which doesn’t have a lock on the door – then they can be confident that we're not abusing it. On the flip side, they removed any parental locks on what we could view when Randy turned fourteen. We could check out anything we wanted – we just had to be aware that anyone could walk into the room at any time. If we had porn on the screen, then we had better have a good reason handy or we were in big trouble. I was caught once, but they didn't buy my excuse of doing biology research for school. I was lucky to be grounded for only a month. So far, they haven't caught Randy, so either he's being cleverer about it, or he's not exploring, yet.
As he sat down at the computer and turned on the monitor, I decided I needed to make sure he understood what Adam had admitted to being.
“Do you REALLY understand what Adam said back there? You seem to think it's no big deal!” I was trying to remain calm, but it was a struggle. Why did that bloody homo have to come here?
“Of course I do. Adam is a homosexual. He prefers to have sex with guys instead of girls. It's no big deal as far as I can see. It's his life, after all. I'm more concerned about you. You don't seem to understand it at all. You seem to think he's no longer the person we've known for years.” Randy's voice was calm, but I could still detect a tight coil of anger lying just below the surface.
“He's not the same person! He's probably been planning on jumping one of us one night when we don’t expect anything. And you go ahead and invite him into your bedroom! What were you thinking of? You're not a fucking poofter too, are you?” I was quite pleased with myself for not screaming that last bit at him.
He looked at me with disgust.
“He IS still the same person. If he wanted to do anything, he's had plenty of chances up until now. And for the record, no, I'm not gay.” He suddenly grinned at me. “If you're really nice, I might even supply a reference who can confirm I'm not gay.”
I looked at him, stunned. He's only fourteen! Was he telling me that he is ALREADY sexually active?
“I offered him my room because I think he needs to know that someone cares. YOU'RE supposed to be the people person. Don't you realise how much you hurt him tonight?” he added forcefully. “I knew something was going on when he faked that call to his mum. He obviously thinks he's all alone,” he commented thoughtfully.
“What do you mean, he faked the call to his mum?”
“I could see the base station for the phone from where I was sitting. Just before he started to speak, the light that shows the phone is active went off. He was talking to a dead phone.”
“So that's what you were going to ask him about!” I said with a snap of my fingers.
“Yeah, but I didn't know how to ask it. I don't even know why he bothered to fake a call.”
“That bit's now obvious. He was trying to avoid having Mum ring his dad to make sure it was alright for him to stay.” I paused for a second to regroup my thoughts. “And don't try to change the subject. Don't you know if word gets out that you had a known poofter spend the night in your room, everyone is going to think you're a homo too? I'm trying to protect you here!”
“Thanks for the kind thought, Stick, but I think you're wrong,” Randy replied indignantly. “Adam is a FRIEND. Nothing more, nothing less. He needs our help, and if you're not going to help him, I'll do it alone. If I have to cope with a bit of flak as part of that, then so be it. I’m not leaving a friend just because it might be a little difficult.”
“A little difficult!” I yelled with disbelief. “Have you any ideas what you are talking about? You’ll lose all your friends. You’ll get picked on and abused at school. Your life will become a constant misery!”
“You arsehole!” he yelled back. Taking a deep breath, he continued in a calmer voice. “Firstly, I’ll have at least one friend – Adam. I also have more faith in my friends that you seem to have in your friends. Some may not want to be seen with me, but I’m sure that most of them won’t care that Adam’s gay. As for being picked on, I’m already bigger than most of the kids at school. Most of them wouldn’t want to cross me," he added with confidence.
“All that means is that you’ll get hit harder by more people! Half the football team will probably run over you just because of what they think you are. They won't know if it's true or not, but you'll still end up getting hurt.” I was getting frantic with worry about my brother. He was just being too arrogant about his ability to handle any problems that might occur.
“I don’t care. Adam needs our help and he needs it now. If you’re a friend, you’ll understand. I’m beginning to think that you don’t understand what being a friend means,” Randy stated resolutely. “You also obviously didn't pick up on Dad's hints.”
“What do you mean? Dad didn't hint anything!” I responded, confused.
“What's our homework?” he asked flatly. “I'll bet you ten bucks that we find that being homeless and being gay are both strong risk factors for suicide. Adam may not be suicidal now, but a few more outbursts like yours will probably drive him over the edge. Is that what you’re trying to do?” Randy's voice started to show how angry he was, as he turned back to the computer. “Shall we start?”
Was Adam suicidal? Was that what Dad was worried about? More importantly, what did I think about that? Did I want Adam to kill himself? Adam the teammate – definitely not! Adam the homo? Did I want him dead? I don't think so.... It was all so confusing!
An hour later, Randy and I sat back and turned away from the computer screen. Randy looked shocked at the numbers that were still displayed. I certainly felt as if I had been slammed hard in the stomach by a world champion boxer.
It was hard to get some concrete numbers, but the last web page we looked at showed how bad it can get. In a study on homeless youths from Portland, Oregon, in the USA, a staggering 44% of homeless gay or bisexual males had attempted suicide. Even the straight homeless guys had a rate of 33%. So even if he wasn't really gay, that still meant that Adam would have at least a one-in-three chance of trying to kill himself if he stayed homeless!
As for risk factors, Randy was right. Adam was definitely a suicide risk. Depression, lack of support, family problems – he was right in the middle of it.
“Well?” Randy said.
“Well what?”
“Are you going to accept that Ads is going to stay here? That Dad is trying to save his life? That he needs our help?” He paused for a second, glaring at me. “Do you want me to go on?”
“Okay, okay.” I surrendered, holding up my hands. “Dad knows what he’s doing. As long as I don’t have to hang around him, I suppose he can stay.”
“Alright then. Let’s go back and see Dad.”
We found Dad and Mum in the kitchen, cleaning up. They had been talking quietly, but fell silent as we came into the room.
“Did you learn anything important?” Dad asked us, though I think he was asking me more than Randy.
My eyes looked toward the floor as I scuffed my feet nervously. “I don’t mind Adam staying. I don’t want him to kill himself, and letting him stay here will help prevent that,” I stated reluctantly. I then looked up and locked my sight on my dad’s face. “But I don’t want to have anything more to do with him than I have to,” I added firmly.
Dad slowly nodded his head. “Okay. I would have liked to hear something a bit more positive from you, but it’s a start”. He then turned to Randy. “And you?”
“I’ll help in anyway I can. Just let me know.” Turning to stare angrily at me, he added, “I know what being a friend means.”
Dad looked pleased, but very tired. I also noticed wet stains on his shirt. Where had they come from?
Randy looked around. “Where’s Ads?” he asked.
“Your dad put him in your bed. He’s already asleep,” Mum replied quietly. “I think he’s gone through so much stress this week, and especially tonight, that he’s just collapsed. We were going to get the folding bed out and put it in your room, but we didn’t really have time. You can sleep in the lounge room tonight, Randy, if you like”.
“If it’s alright with you, I think I’ll sleep in the folding bed in my room. I think Ads could do with having someone near him tonight.”
I couldn’t believe it. After all I’d tried to explain to him why he shouldn’t, he still wanted to spend the night in the same room as the poofter! At least Mum seemed to understand. I was sure she’d put him right.
“I think you’re probably right. Dad was going to sleep in there with him tonight, but if you want to, that’s fine. Feel free to wake us up if you think you need us.”
WHAT! I thought Mum was going to tell him no way, but here she was aiding and abetting in the corruption of her own son. I had to do something about that. I’m too fond of my brother to let him throw his life away for a fucking cocksucker.
“Mum, Dad. Can’t you see that this isn’t a good idea? Don’t let Randy ...”
Dad interrupted angrily. “David, shut up! This is NOT your decision. Yes, Randy’s only fourteen, but at the moment he’s acting a lot more mature than a certain sixteen-year-old I could name. If he wants to be a young adult and do the right thing by a friend, then he has our COMPLETE support.” He paused and then continued in a calmer voice. “You will now drop this topic. We can discuss it more tomorrow morning, after everyone has had a good night’s sleep and everyone is a lot calmer. There are still a lot of things that we need to discuss as a family. This is not going to be easy for any of us and we have a lot of issues to sort out. In the meantime, to give you something to keep you occupied, can I suggest you give a lot of thought to tomorrow’s game, and the idea of playing on the same team as Adam?”
Glancing at the clock, he continued, “It’s only eight. Do you have any plans for tonight? I can give you a lift into town if you want to meet up with your friends.”
That’s the one thing that sucks about being a teenager on a rural property in Australia. Since the driving age is eighteen, Randy and I are almost totally dependent on our parents to get anywhere. It’s not too bad on the weekends, when we can sometimes get a bus, but there are no late-night buses near our place.
Randy looked up thoughtfully. “If it’s alright with you, Dad, I’d like to do some more research on the Internet. Do you think you can help me?”
I wondered what he meant by that. He doesn’t normally need any help with surfing the ‘net. There was something strange going on inside that blonde head of his. Dad looked at little puzzled as well.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “If that’s what you want. I have a couple of things I have to do first, but I’ll join you in the study in about half an hour.” He turned to me. “What about you, David?”
“I think I’ll give Liz a call and then go for a walk outside. A lot’s happened tonight, and I want to think about it for awhile.”
Dad smiled. “If you want to talk about it further with your mum or me, come to us at any time. This is a lot to take in, and I think we could all do with some help talking it through.”
“I think I’ll be fine for the moment, but thanks.”
Grabbing the phone, I headed off to my room, with so many thoughts running through my head. Now I have the problem of what to say to Liz. I promised that I would fill her in tomorrow, but I need to get some of this off my chest tonight. But what can I say now, and what should I do face-to-face? If I tell her that Adam’s been kicked out of home, she’s likely to spread that choice piece of gossip around to everyone she knows. If I tell her why, she may hold off, but I just feel really uncomfortable passing on that bit of news over the phone. I think that needs to be done in person. Should I wait until tomorrow, like I originally told her? But I need to tell SOMEONE what is going on!
Lying down on my bed, I started staring at the ceiling, still thinking. Am I getting anywhere, or I am just procrastinating? I really want to make this phone call, but I don’t know what to say. Okay. Deep breath time. Let’s call her and see how it goes.
As the phone rang, I started to worry. Wasn’t anyone going to answer? Maybe she’d gone out. We didn’t have plans, so she could have been out with her girlfriends.
“Hello. Trev speaking.” Liz’s brother Trevor is one cool guy. As an eighteen-year-old, he’s not only able to buy us beers occasionally, but sometimes gives us a ride on Saturday nights when Liz and I want to go see a movie.
“Hi, Trev! It’s David here. Is Liz there?”
“Hi, Stick! I’ll just go get her.”
“Stick! I didn’t expect to hear from you until tomorrow morning. What’s up?” Liz’s happy voice came down the phone line with a gusto that was almost physical.
“Hi, Liz,” I started hesitantly. Now that I had got her on the phone, I didn’t know how to start. “I’m wondering if we could meet up in town tomorrow morning. I’ve got the story on what’s been going on with Ads, but I don’t think it’s something I can talk about over the phone.”
“I’ve got some chores I have to do first thing, but I could get into town once I’ve finished. If I can’t get a lift with Trev, I’ll catch the bus. I presume we’ll go straight from there to the game?” I could just hear her straining with impatience to find out the full story.
“Yeah. That’s probably best. I’ll see you then.” Try as I might, I couldn’t keep the gloomy tone from my voice.
“Wait! What’s wrong? I’ve never heard you so hesitant. You’re never this short on the phone. Even if you don’t want to talk about it over the phone, give me some sort of hint. Or, if it’ll help, let’s talk about something else to take your mind off whatever’s bothering you,” she pleaded.
Stopping in the act of hanging up, I make a quick decision.
“Promise me you won’t say anything to anyone until after we talk tomorrow?”
“Sure! Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“I’ll fill in all the details tomorrow, but basically Adam’s been kicked out of home. He’s got a major problem with his dad at the moment. My dad’s concerned that he could end up suicidal and wants him to stay here with us. My problem is that I’m not sure that Adam’s dad was wrong. The reason Ads was kicked out is pretty scary. But I can see why Dad’s concerned. It’s all so mixed up. I don’t know if I want him to stay or not! Oh, I’m not making any sense. Look, just keep it all to yourself until we can talk tomorrow. I’m going to go for a walk down to the dam soon and try to get it all sorted in my head,” I finished in a rush.
“Wow! Now I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight. Thanks, Stick!” Liz replied sarcastically. “You sure know how to leave me hanging.” She paused, then continued on more gently. “Go for a walk and get some fresh air. I know you. If you get a chance to think things through, you’ll work it out. I’ll see you at the coffee shop tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Liz,” I replied gratefully. “See you then. Bye, Liz.”
“Bye, Stick.”
I lay on my bed for a while. It hadn’t been a great conversation, but it had helped. Having Liz’s confidence that I’d sort out this mess in my mind was a big boost. Just having someone listening as I was letting the thoughts run out of my mouth also started to help put some order into those thoughts.
I sat up, startled by a sudden thought. Who can Adam talk to? He’s going through a lot, too. More than me, to be honest. He has not only the break with this family to get over, but also the problem of turning gay! Maybe just having someone to talk to will help him get over it.
Getting up, I grabbed my summer jacket. The night was still warm, even though it’s early autumn, but the breeze at night can be chilling. It was time to wander down to my favourite thinking spot – down by the dam in the back paddock.
Randy sat down with his dad at the computer in the study.
“I was thinking that Adam is going to need a lot of support to get through the next few months,” Randy started. ”He’s lost his family and I think it’s going to get out at school pretty soon. We can help him as much as we can, but he really needs to talk to other gay kids who have gone through similar things. There must be chat rooms and message boards on the Internet for that sort of thing, and they would have the advantage of allowing him to be anonymous. What do you think?”
“I’m impressed. I think you’re spot on.” Randy’s Dad paused for second and then raised his eyebrows. “But why did you want my help?”
Randy grinned. “Because I suspect I’m going to hit a lot of porn sites on the way through, and I didn’t want you wandering in and finding me looking at gay porn. It might give the wrong impression.”
His dad laughed. “Okay. We’ll look together. If your mum walks in, I’ll cop the flak.”
The search commenced…
There is a large rocky hill at the end of the back paddock. Early on during the colonization of Australia, someone had used the side of the hill as a small quarry. It hasn’t been used as such for decades, as far as I know, but it left a small sheltered cove in the corner of the paddock. To make it even cosier, someone had built a small dam just outside the cove. Add in the surrounding gum trees, and you end up with a picturesque little corner that seems to be isolated from the rest of the world. It’s beautiful during the day, but at night the reflections of moonlight off the dam create a magical atmosphere where it seems that nothing else in the world exists. All there is is you, the water, and the occasional kangaroo.
Whenever I’m stressed or just need a quiet place to rest for a while, I go down there to get away from everything. The family understands this, and if they know that I’m there, they stay away. I have my own special place in the old quarry, where the cut-away stone has formed a small platform that provides the perfect vantage point to contemplate the water in the dam, with its reflections of the trees and sky. When I’m there, time has no meaning.
My mind was in such a state of chaos that it took longer than normal for the magic of the dam to take over. I don’t know how long I sat there, but eventually I found myself not thinking, but merely absorbing the serenity and calm like a sponge. It was time to start working on my problems.
I had been wrong to fly off the handle like I had. Reluctantly, I admitted to myself that Randy was right. Adam is still a friend and needs my support to help him through this crisis. However, I didn’t need to do this alone. Randy had already said that he would do anything he could to help. Dad and Mum would provide a place for Adam to stop running, and all of us would make a home for him to relax into.
First priority – making sure that Dad’s horror scenario would not come to pass. I could not let Adam die. When I got back, I would print out one of those webpages on the signs to look out for. Better still, I’d print out a few copies and give them out to our friends at school. I was sure Liz would help. One of the things we had read was that having someone he trusted to go to would help stop Adam from getting too depressed.
A feeling of anguish washed over me as I realized that I wouldn’t be one of those that Adam would go to. The things I had said would be like a wall between us for some time. To get Adam to overcome this delusion of being gay, I would have to wear that wall down. The problem is that a wall has two sides. I can do what I can to break down my side, but what if he just keeps building up his side in an effort to keep me away? Sighing sadly, I hesitantly accepted that I’d messed up big time. It’s unfair to put the burden on Randy’s young shoulders, no matter how broad, but he will need to be Adam’s confidant.
Second priority – getting Adam over this gay phase. I was a little lost on how to do this, but I was sure Liz would have some ideas. Finding Adam a girlfriend is an obvious thing to try, but I’m not sure what he looks for in a girl. I can’t recall him ever having a girlfriend. Maybe that’s been his problem all along. Being too shy to ask a girl out, he probably thinks that means he’s gay. I smiled as I realised that there could be a simple solution to the problem.
But what if it didn’t work out? Frowning, I contemplated what else I could do. Would a dose of what being gay really means snap him out of the delusion? Being ostracized at school, being bullied and picked on, would these help sort him out? A dangerous approach, but it might work. However, that should be kept as a last resort, as that can’t easily be reversed if it gets out of hand.
Was there anything else I could do? I couldn't think of anything. Maybe there are some suggestions on the Internet. After all, Adam can’t be the first person to make the mistake of thinking he’s gay. Someone will have been through it before and can tell me how they got sorted out.
Putting that problem aside for the moment, I remembered Dad’s comments about tomorrow's game. I wondered if I could still continue to play basketball with Adam on the same team. I no longer saw any problems with that, but would Adam want to play on the same team as me? Recalling the verbal assault I had inflicted on him, I cringed, thinking that unless Adam is a lot more forgiving that I imagined, he wouldn’t want to play if I was there. I was going to have to apologise first thing in the morning, even though I’m not really very good at apologies (I have trouble lying to myself when I’m here at the dam). I’d have to do it. Either that, or offer to sit the game out so Adam could play without me being there. I felt I owed him at least that much for what I’d said.
Okay, now I had a plan of attack. Sitting back, I let my mind go. Contemplating nothing, I watched the reflections of starlight play across the surface of the water. Showing me the indifference that the world of nature places on my thoughts, the starlight still supported me with a promise that my life will survive even this crisis.
I rested there a while, thinking of nothing, until it was time to return to the world of the average teenager…
It was close to midnight when Adam sat up with a start. The nightmare that had woken him was already fading from his mind. All he could remember was floating in the middle of a deep, black ocean under a moonless night sky, as his dad sailed away without a backward glance. His plaintive cries of “Please don’t leave me” still echoed around the room, as the tears started cascading from his eyes.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and his head dropped down as he started to sob.
“Adam? Are you alright?” came a sleepy voice, as if from a distance. It was a long moment before he could recall whom it belonged to.
“Adam, its Randy. I’m here, I won’t leave you,” the voice continued, growing stronger.
A shadowy, half-naked figure rose up beside the bed. Adam froze for a moment.
“You’re safe now. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. I won’t leave you, I promise.”
The figure sat down next to Adam and put an arm around his shoulder. For a moment, they sat like statues, neither sure what to do, before Adam rolled into the comfort of the younger boy’s chest. Hesitantly, Randy put his other arm around his heartbroken friend. Randy rocked Adam gently, his body and arms providing the safe haven that Adam so desperately needed. He wouldn’t drown in the ocean of despair whilst he had somewhere safe to rest.
[Authors note: The study on homeless youths mentioned above can be found at http://www.thebody.com/siecus/homeless_teens.html ]
I woke up at six on Saturday morning. With everything that I knew was going to happen that day running through my head, I just knew that I wasn’t going to be able to force myself back to sleep. Sighing reluctantly, I dragged my protesting body out of the bed and headed off to the bathroom to have a shower.
As I stood there, letting the water cascade over my head, the upcoming day’s events continued to dominate my thoughts.
Mum and Dad would be holding an early-morning family conference – family plus one, as I expected Adam to be involved as well. I wasn’t sure of exactly what they were going to cover, but I was certain that it would be all centred around Adam and why he’s with us. I hoped it wouldn’t go for too long, as I needed to meet up with Liz at eleven to fill her in on what’s been going on.
A momentary flash of anger consumed me as I realised how many lives are being disrupted, simply because Adam thinks he’s gay. His family has been turned upside down, with his father disowning him and kicking him out. Who knows what effect it’s been having on his mother and big sister!? I don’t really know what happened between then and last night but now my family is being completely changed by this one little thing.
It took awhile for it to sink in, but I accept that Mum and Dad are really just concerned for Adam’s health. I don’t know how he knew, but Dad realises that Adam is a major suicide risk, and Dad’s doing everything he can to prevent that from happening. He hasn’t made any comments yet on Adam being a poofter, but with a bit of luck, settling that issue will be part of the family conference. I can’t see him letting Adam act poofy while he’s staying with us.
The one I’m most surprised and worried about is my little brother. He seems to have lost all sense of perspective. He doesn’t seem to realise that until Adam gets over being gay, he needs to be careful. I honestly think he doesn’t understand the problem of having a poofter sharing his bedroom. It’s one thing for him to offer support to someone who’s potentially suicidal, but it’s a completely different thing to offer himself up as temptation to someone who wants to do unnatural things to him! I had tried to talk to him the night before, but he just shut me out and wouldn’t listen to reason. All I can do is keep an eye out and try to head off trouble when I see it approaching.
It’s obvious that Randy doesn’t know any of the stories I’ve heard from the older guys at school. Gay guys just aren’t to be trusted. Some of the Catholic guys make comments about burning in Hell. I’m not strongly religious, but put together with the other things, it all adds up to the fact that you just can’t trust poofters. I don’t recall any conversations here at home on this topic. The issue of homosexuality has just never cropped up, at least in my earshot. Is that why Randy isn’t reacting properly? He hasn’t heard Mum and Dad tell it as it really is and he hasn’t learnt at school yet how to watch out for himself. The teachers certainly don’t mention it. It’s one of those things that you have find out from the other guys.
Later today, I’m going to have to drag my girlfriend Liz into this mess, and there’s another person being affected! I need her help to turn Adam back into his normal self. Hopefully, she can find a girl who can sort out Adam and save him.
Realising that I didn’t know how long I’d been under the shower, I quickly drew my contemplations to an end. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to get into trouble for using up all the hot water, or worse, draining the water tank. Unlike the city and town folk, we don’t have water piped to our property, and have to live off rainwater – when we can – or pump water from the nearby creek, and that water is always brown, even after we run it through a filter.
As I dried off, my mind wandered forward to the basketball game coming up late in the afternoon. Recalling my decisions of the night before, I wasn’t even sure I’d be playing. I would ask Adam if he wanted me on the same team. Anger raced through me again, as I thought about being forced to ask permission to play in the team that I helped start, just because Adam thinks he’s gay. Now he’s potentially disrupting the team with his behaviour!
Returning to my room, I decided to pack my basketball gear into a bag so Dad could take it to the game for me, in case I ended up playing. That way I wouldn’t have to take it with me when I went to see Liz. I didn’t really feel like carrying a bag around with me all day – the day was going to be stressful enough without that!
As I finished up, I found myself curiously reluctant to head down to the kitchen. If I didn’t leave my bedroom, the day wouldn’t really start. If the day didn’t get started, then maybe I wouldn’t have to go through it. Sighing sadly, I shook off my reluctance and headed off down the corridor.
As I started down, an anxious thought occurred to me. Backtracking, I went past my room to my brother’s. With a feeling of trepidation, I looked into his room. As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been afraid that I was going to find Adam and Randy together or otherwise in a compromising position, but they were in separate beds, and Adam was still wearing most of the clothes he had had on the day before. It really did look like he had just collapsed and my parents had put him to bed still dressed. Tiptoeing away I headed back down to the kitchen.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t the first one there. Finding Dad standing at the kitchen window staring out across the nearby paddock while the coffee brewed, I stepped up to join him.
Glancing at me for a second before returning his gaze to the window, Dad spoke quietly to me, “It’s mornings like this that make me understand why I enjoy living out here. Unless we’re lucky, most of us live in a high-stress world where the concept of lying back and taking life at a slow and steady pace has been replaced with a high-speed drive to a destination that’s often out of date by the time we get there. But looking out this window, I see no evidence of that lifestyle. All I can see is peaceful countryside with a small mob of kangaroos grazing in the distance. Kangaroos are synonymous with Australia throughout the world, but most Australians rarely see one in the wild. We get to see them regularly. I’m part of the high-stress world five days a week, but on weekends I can usually stop and just appreciate life. I can switch off from the high-speed lifestyle, even if it’s only for a while.”
Without diverting his gaze, he sighed and put an arm around my shoulders. “I know I don’t say it a lot, but I’ve been very proud of how you have grown up. You’ve always been a polite and considerate boy. You’re now growing up to be a polite and considerate young man. The situation with Adam is going to put a lot of pressure on you and your brother – pressure that I wish you didn’t have to bear. All I can ask is that you don’t lose focus on what is really important. There will be some pain to go through, I’m sure of it, but please don’t abandon Adam just because the going gets tough.”
Glowing internally with pride at Dad’s words, I turned my gaze outwards and focused on the scene that he found so relaxing, and replied, “I’m sorry for last night, Dad. I said things that Adam should never have heard. Later, when I was sitting down at the dam, I realised that Adam needs someone to talk to more than anything else right now. Someone who will just listen. After what I said to him, I'm afraid that I can’t be that person – it will be too long before he trusts me enough again. I don’t think it’s fair, but I think Randy is going to have to be that person. I just hope he’s strong enough, for Adam’s sake.” I paused for a second as my dad turned to look at me. “I think I still have a role to play, and I’ll do what I have to, but I’ve made the job harder. I’m sorry.”
Looking back at Dad, I saw a soft smile form on his face. He looked like he was going to say something, but then he grabbed me in a hug, instead. “Thanks, son. I knew I could count on you.” Letting me go, he grinned at me. “How about I cook us some omelettes for breakfast?”
“You’re on!” I replied enthusiastically, my previous melancholic mood dissolving away. “I’ll pour the coffees while you’re cooking.”
By a mutual unspoken agreement, Dad and I spent the time before the others woke up talking about anything but the issues of the day. We both knew that what needed to be said had to be said with everyone there. Speaking about it before then would just be counterproductive.
Normally, breakfasts on the weekend are not really family affairs. Randy and I usually sleep in for as long as we want to – it’s not unusual for me to get out of bed just before lunchtime – and just get ourselves something to eat when we're up. Mum is often up early with her horses. As it turned out, she had also been up before me. She came back into the house just after Dad and I had finished our omelettes.
Looking up, Dad grinned at her. “How was your ride this morning?” Rising from the kitchen table, he walked over and gave her a quick peck on the lips.
“It went well. I’m still having a bit of a problem with the canter on the left rein, but he’s going well. I’m happy!” she smiled back.
Seeing how relaxed the two of us were, she added. “Something smells nice. Can someone cook me some while I take a shower?”
“Another omelette coming up!” Dad laughed.
For the first time since Tuesday morning, Adam woke up relaxed. There had only been one nightmare during the night, and Randy had been there to push it away. Somehow, he had instinctively known that the only medication Adam needed was to know that someone still cared for him. Adam realised that Randy must have held him until he had fallen back to sleep.
Frowning slightly, Adam pondered the differences between the two Johnson brothers. Everyone knew they weren’t really twins, but they had always seemed so much alike, it was easy to fall into the trap of thinking they would always react the same. Last night had been a rude awakening in more than one way. Adam just didn’t know what to think about David. He hadn’t had any idea on how any of his friends would react to the news of his being gay, but David’s reaction had been so far from what he had expected or feared that his mind had responded by almost retreating from reality . All that had really saved him was the support he had received from the rest of the Johnson family. Randy, in particular, had become a rock that he could cling to.
Rolling over in the bed, he saw Randy still sleeping in the folding bed that had been added to the room. Raising himself up on one elbow, he looked at his comforter from last night. For the first time ever, he contemplated Randy as a person in his own right – not Giant, not Stick’s brother, not the year 8 student from school, but just Randy – a unique individual. He was startled to realise that Randy had grown up a lot over the last year. Not just physically – that part was always shrouded by his nickname – but in character. His actions last night had hinted at a deep well of compassion hidden in that large frame.
Letting his head fall back onto the pillow and staring at the ceiling, Adam contrasted Randy with David. David also had that wellspring of compassion – he had shown it openly in too many ways over the last couple of years for Adam to deny it existed. But something had happened to taint it. Why couldn’t David show the same compassion to Adam that Randy had?
Adam lay there for a while, trying to resolve what was likely to happen that day. He would need to be honest in order to gain the support of this family. The first order of business would be to inform them of what had happened since Tuesday, when his Dad had discovered that his only son is gay. That would lead into them learning that Aiden, Gary, and their families also knew.
The sounds of Randy stirring ended his contemplations. It was time to get up and face the music.
It was obvious that everyone knew that the morning was going to be special. Randy and Adam came in for breakfast just after 8 a.m. – normally ridiculously early for a Saturday. I flinched when I saw Randy grimace with disgust as he caught sight of me. He was still obviously harbouring ill feelings to me for my comments from the night before. And then I flinched again when a flash of pain crossed Adam’s face before he looked away. I had some serious fence mending to do that morning. I sighed, knowing that I had better get started on it – waiting wasn't going to make it any easier.
I had just started to rise when I felt my Dad’s hand on my arm, gently restraining me. I glanced at him surprised, when he whispered quietly, “Wait a few minutes – he’s just walked in. Let him get a cuppa before you say anything.” Realising the sense of that, I nodded my thanks, and settled back into the chair.
Watching Randy and Adam make themselves cups of tea – my brother has never been a strong coffee drinker – I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw them having a quiet chuckle together at something Randy had said. I had never felt more excluded in my life, and knowing that the pain was largely my own fault didn’t help. The sooner I could get Adam off the idea of being gay, the sooner things could all go back to the way they were before.
I suddenly had an idea to begin to thaw relations. “Adam and Randy, would you like me to cook you breakfast this morning? We’ve all had omelettes, but if you prefer, I can cook bacon and eggs for you.” I waited hopefully for a favourable response.
Randy and Adam looked at me in surprise, before each turned to see how the other was reacting. Randy raised an eyebrow at Adam as if asking him what he thought, to which Adam simply shrugged. A long second passed while I held my breath, before Randy turned to me with a smile.
“Thanks, David. I'd like that. Can I have an omelette please?” He turned to Adam. “What would you like?”
Still refusing to look at me, Adam replied without enthusiasm, “I'll have an omelette, too, if that's okay.”
That was a start, even if it was a small one.
As Randy and Adam ate their breakfast, I got more and more nervous. I was trying to decide how to start my apology. Just come out and say it? Ease into it somehow, and if so, how should I start the conversation? Should I wait until they have finished eating, or should I start while they're occupied? Glancing around, I saw my Dad smiling at me encouragingly. As he caught me eye, he nodded at Adam, as if to say that now was the time.
I had intended to look Adam in the eye when I apologised, to show how sincere I was, but when it came to the time, I found I just couldn't do it. With a downcast face, I began.
“Umm... Adam? I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said last night. I went way over the top, and I'm sorry about that. I didn't think of what it was that you were going through, and I'm afraid I just made it worse for you.” Looking up, I saw Adam staring at me with a stony expression. “I'm happy for you to stay here as long as you want to, and if you want me to keep out of your way, I'll do my best. I'll even drop out of the team, if that helps. Please forgive me?” I ended, pleadingly.
Everyone was silent as they waited for Adam's response. Never letting his eyes leave mine, Adam put another forkful of omelette in his mouth. Chewing slowly, his stony expression altered into a flickering series of emotions that went by too fast for me to read. As he finished his mouthful, he cleared his throat. The look he finally gave me was filled with more sorrow than I thought a person could bear.
He began softly, loaded with raw emotion that tugged at the soul. “Do you have any ideas of how much pain you put me through? I've been searching since Tuesday for a place I can be safe and try to start sorting out my life. I could have accepted not being able to stay because your parents wouldn't let me. I could even, reluctantly, accept you wanting to put a little distance between us.” The anger and volume rose steadily as he continued. “But to have a good friend reject me so instantly, so absolutely – that gutted me. I felt like my insides were being ripped to shreds. I had been caught in a torrent that was carrying me from everything I knew. I THOUGHT I had found a lifeline to keep me safe, and then you went and cut it. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW CLOSE YOU CAME TO FUCKING KILLING ME?” he ended up screaming, tears pouring down his face.
Randy put his arm across Adam's shoulders, and Adam finally broke the lock on my eyes as he turned to rest his face on my brother's shoulder. With Randy holding him like a protective guardian, Adam continued in a quieter and sadder tone, “No, I can't forgive you. Not yet. It's too early. Once I have my feet back on the ground – maybe then, but not now.”
I felt all energy drain from my body as I slowly collapsed into a nearby chair. It was worse than I had expected. Now it was my turn to be rejected, my turn to feel gutted. What could I do now?
I rose slowly to my feet and started to shuffle off slowly towards my room. “Okay, then. Best of luck with the game this afternoon,” I said, resigning myself to leaving the team for Adam's sake.
“Stick, wait!” was Adam's surprising response, as he turned away from Randy to face me. “If anyone quits the team, I think it should be me. I don't know if we'll even have a team if I try to play,” he continued in a wistful tone.
“What do you mean, Adam?” queried Mum.
“I need to tell you what's happened between Tuesday and Friday,” Adam responded, still with that same wistful tone. His eyes seemed to lose focus, as if he was viewing scenes from his memories. “There are things that happened that you all need to be aware of.”
“Tell us whatever you feel comfortable with, honey,” was Mum's supportive response. “You don't have to tell us everything now if you don't want to.”
Adam shook his head. “If I don't say it now, you'll probably hear it from others, and I want to make sure you understand what has happened.”
There was a long pause while Adam appeared to gather his thoughts. No one made a sound. The only one to move was Randy, who squeezed Adam’s shoulders again in support.
Eyes still unfocused, Adam began to speak. There was almost no emotion in his voice. It wasn't a case of having no interest in the story, but more as if he was walling the emotions off because he wouldn't be able to talk if they broke through.
“The story properly begins almost two years ago, when I slowly realised I’m gay. All my friends were starting to notice girls, but I just couldn't understand the attraction. At first I thought it was just that I was a late developer, but when I found myself looking at boys in the same way they seemed to view the girls, I knew that I was different. It was another couple of months before I could put a name to what I was feeling.”
My mind reeled when I heard that. Two years ago! He's considered himself gay that long! I had been thinking that this was a recent thing. I started to feel uncomfortable about my plans to make him straight again. I didn’t think it was going to be as easy as I had first thought.
“I went into denial for a long time. I tried to get myself involved with a girl to prove to myself that I was normal, but I just couldn't do it. I tried looking at porn on my computer, but that did nothing for me either. I only really began to accept what I am a few months ago – just before Christmas.”
I could see I needed a backup plan straight away, but I was getting a sinking feeling that I might be fighting a losing war. It sounded like Adam had already tried everything himself.
“Since then, I've been discretely surfing the web, trying to work out how to cope. What to do, and what not to do. Sorry to say, I hadn't gotten very far when I got caught.”
He paused and took a sip of his then-cold cup of tea. He grimaced slightly at the taste, and continued.
“At the end of last week, Dad was made redundant at work. Naturally, this made him bitter, and he started taking it out on the rest of us. Mum was very supportive for him, and she seemed to be able to control his temper, but without Dad's wage, she had to work longer hours. This meant that she wasn't there a lot to buffer Kelly and me from Dad. Kelly took the simplest solution – she just spent more time at Uni or with her friends. With a license and car, she has that option.” He paused. “I don’t,” he added sadly.
Brushing a tear from his eyes, he continued.
“It seems that Dad knows more about computers than I had suspected. I thought I had been careful about removing the cache and history from my web browser, but somehow he discovered that I had been visiting gay web sites. When I got home from school on Tuesday night he was waiting in the living room. A nearly empty bottle of Jim Bean was on the side table next to him. I looked at him, puzzled, when I saw this, as he's not usually a big drinker. Then he looked up at me.” Adam's lips started to tremble, and his hands began to shake. “I had never seen such a look of contempt, disgust and anger in my life.”
He dropped his eyes down to meet mine. “You came close to that same look last night, Stick,” he added callously, letting his voice show some of the anger he still felt towards me.
I cringed and looked down at the table. I didn't want to see the look of hatred and sense the feeling of betrayal I knew would be there if I looked up.
“'So my poofter son has come home,’” Adam imitated his father. “’Well you can just turn around and leave again. You are no longer welcome here.'” He then returned to the same deadpan delivery he had been using for most of the story. “I was stunned and didn't move. He then proceeded to tell me how he had found gay porn files on my computer, and if that's what I liked, I could do it somewhere else.
“I started to go to my room, but he jumped up and yelled at me to get out. After taking one look at the expression on his face, I fled. I went to a nearby park, where I sat in shock. I don't know how long I was there, but when I came to my senses, it was already dark.
“Having nothing with me but my school bag that I had somehow grabbed automatically as I fled, I knew I needed to get back into the house to get some of my things – clothes if nothing else. I waited at the park until I thought it was after midnight, and then crept back to the house. I used my key to unlock the back door and crept into my room. It was a mess. The computer monitor had been smashed and my CD collection was all over the floor. My various trophies and other stuff had been scattered everywhere, most of them broken.
“I grabbed my duffle bag from the closet and started to throw clothes into it. I had worked out that my best chance of getting somewhere to stay until my dad calmed down was through school, so I made sure I packed enough school clothes to last me to the weekend, plus a handful of other clothing. I picked up the little bit of cash I had in my room and then crept back out of the house. At the time, I thought I'd be back once Dad had a chance to calm down.
“I was wrong.”
By this stage I had looked back up, and I could see the effort it took for him to say those last three words without breaking down. I doubt I could have if I had been in his shoes.
He took a couple of deep breaths and then continued.
“I stayed at the park until the sun came up. After grabbing a donut and coffee at the local shop, and trying to clean myself up as much as I could, I waited for the school bus. I was jumping at every sound, as I half expected my dad to show up at the bus stop so he could have another go at me.
“Once at school, I made arrangements to stay with Aiden that night. The only reason I chose Aiden was because he was the first one I saw that I felt comfortable asking. After school we headed back to his place. Once there, I tried ringing home to see how things were. Dad answered the phone. He sounded calm and sober until he found out who was on the other end of the call. Then he blew his top. He told me never to call there again. He said I’m not his son, and he will deny having a son to anyone who asks, and then he slammed the phone down. When Aiden came back into the room he saw me shaking and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I had problems with my dad, but I didn't tell him why. Everything was fine until his dad got home late that night. His dad rang my dad, and the shit hit the fan. He called me a poofter and told me to get away from his son. I obviously didn't move fast enough or far enough for him, as he slammed a fist hard into my left arm. It's still sore. I was allowed to sleep on the floor of the living room, but it was made very clear to me that I had to be out of the house at dawn. Aiden was told to go to his room and not to come out until I was gone. I still don't know what Aiden thinks of me. He has avoided me at school for the rest of the week.
“The next night, I stayed at Gary's. I tried a different story, but Gary's mum still ended up ringing my dad. She was at least a little sympathetic. She came back in to Gary and me and said that my dad had said I’m a homo. She then asked me if it was true. I wanted to deny it, but I couldn't. I admitted that I am. Gary got a look of horror on his face. His mum said that I could sleep on the couch that night, but I needed to find somewhere else for the next night. At least they gave me breakfast the next morning. Gary came in while I was eating, but after one look at me he turned around and went back to his room. His mum dropped both of us off at school that morning – yesterday morning – but Gary hasn't said a word to me since he learnt I’m gay.”
He looked around at everyone, his eyes brimming with tears.
“So you see, over half the team now knows I'm gay. David, Aiden and Gary all hate me. If I drop out, you'll still have seven players. If I stay, we might only have five. Less if Break, B1 or B2 freak out when they learn.”
I jumped in quickly before anyone else could comment. “Ads, I'm happy to have you in the same team as me. I thought you wouldn't want me in the same team as you. If you can put up with me, I'm more than pleased to play with you.”
My dad came in next. “Adam, I think you should play. More than anything else, I think you need some normality. You've been playing basketball with these guys for years now. You were talking earlier about wanting a lifeline. Basketball is one of your lifelines. Playing today will take your mind off things for an hour or so. Not playing is just going to make you dwell on it more.”
Randy added, “You can't keep running, Ads. Too many people know, and it looks like your dad is telling everyone who asks about you. You can face up to the issue, or wait for it to hit you when you don't expect it. We'll all be there with you. Please play?” he pleaded.
Adam sat there for a moment, his mouth half open. He looked uncertain as he gazed around at everyone's encouraging faces. I tried to give him a smile to show that I supported him, but he only glanced fleetingly at me. I looked down at the table as the smile fell from my face. After Adam's story, my mind was going back to mush. So many assumptions I had built the previous night’s decisions on looked to have been founded in quicksand. I was no longer confident in the direction I was planning to take.
As the silence dragged on, Mum brought it to a close. “You don't need to make a decision now. You can decide this afternoon, if you like. In the meantime, would you like another cup of tea? That one’s gone cold.”
Adam smiled at her. “Yes, please,” he said, and then started to giggle. I looked at everyone and they all looked as puzzled as I was as to the reason.
“What is it Ads?” Randy asked, concerned.
“Never mind,” Adam replied, still giggling. “Let’s just say that I'm feeling a lot better having had a laugh to finish that off with.” Calming down, but still smiling, he continued, “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”
“Actually, yes, there is,” Dad replied, still puzzled, but obviously willing to put that aside for the moment.
Mum said from where she was making another cup of tea, “Once you've finished your breakfast, can you put your dirty clothes into the laundry basket for me? I'll get them started before we go shopping.”
“Shopping?” Adam asked, surprised.
“Yes. From what you've said, I don't think it's a good idea for any of us to go to your house and ask for the rest of your clothes, so we'll need to buy some new ones. Unfortunately, I don't think Randy’s or David's clothes would fit you very well, so you can't borrow theirs,” Mum replied, examining him with a critical eye.
“We can't get the other important things done until Monday,” Dad added.
“What things?” Randy asked curiously.
“Well, the first thing we need to do is to get a lawyer to write up a letter that appoints your mum and me as Adam's guardians.”
He looked inquiringly at Adam, “I’m assuming that you’d like to stay here. Is there anywhere else you would prefer to go?”
“Home,” Adam replied forlornly. “But I don’t think I can do that.” He glanced at where Mum was smiling encouragingly, before turning back to my dad. “Yes, I’d like to stay here if you’ll have me.”
Smiling his acceptance, Dad continued, “Okay, once we have that letter, we then need to get your mum and dad to sign it. Once we have that, we can sort out other things, such as school, health insurance, etc. I don't know how hard that is going to be, but if your dad stays the way he's been going, he'll hopefully sign it without any qualms.” He then frowned at Adam. “I'm less sure on how your mum is going to react to the request. You haven't indicated what she feels about this. Do you have any ideas?” he asked gently.
Adam looked nervous. “I honestly don't know. I tried ringing her at work on Thursday night, but they said she wasn't there. I think she'll sign a guardianship letter, because she can see that it would be good for me. But I just don't know!” he finished, distressed.
As I watched, pained at anyone having to consider whether or not their mum still loves them, my mum crossed over to where Adam sat and took him into her arms. He was going to have one good mum, at least.
I suddenly noticed Randy glaring at me across the table. I was wondering why, when he spoke to Adam, “Hey, I hope it all goes well, as it'll be nice to have a new brother around here. Especially as the last one I had turned out to be a homophobic prick,” he added cruelly.
“Randy! Watch it or you'll end up grounded,” my dad growled. “There is no need for that. David is trying, and we don't need to have you sniping at him from the sidelines.”
I was glad Dad jumped in then, because I was speechless. I’d never heard Randy be so cruel and heartless. I couldn't work out what had brought that on, when a disturbing thought popped into my mind. I tried to push it out, denying it as a possibility, but it wouldn't go away. Could he be overreacting because he was trying to defend his boyfriend? No, it couldn't be – if they were boyfriends, Adam would have come straight here on Tuesday night. And Randy told me last night that he isn’t gay. But that was before they shared a room last night. Could Adam have corrupted my little brother that quickly? Surely not! But...
Just then the phone rang. Glad for the distraction from my thoughts, I jumped up. “I'll get it,” I yelled.
“David speaking,” I said as I picked up the phone.
“Hi, Stick, it’s Aiden. I'm trying to track down Adam. Do you know where he might be?” Aiden was speaking softly, in an almost furtive manner.
I thought for a moment, then shrugged. The news would get out soon enough. “Sure! He's here with us at the moment. Do you want me to get him?” I asked.
“Thanks! But only if he's free now. If he's busy I can give you a message for him,” Aiden replied, still whispering.
“Okay, I'll get him now.” I walked back to the table. “Ads, it's for you. It's Aidy,” I said in a neutral tone.
Adam took the phone nervously. “Aidy?” he quivered. As he listened, his face became calmer and happier, before suddenly becoming nervous again. “Thanks, mate. Thanks for everything. See you later,” he finished with a smile.
He sat for a moment, staring at the fresh cup of tea that my mum had put in front of him while he was on the phone.
“Ads, what is it?” Randy asked quietly.
Adam stared at the cup for a moment longer and then looked up at Randy and smiled. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Aidy is cool with me. It's not going to be a problem with him.” Then he frowned. “The bad news is that because of me, his dad is going to be at the game this afternoon. He tried to pull Aidy out of the team, but Aidy convinced him that it's just a game and that he doesn't need to do that. Instead, he's going to start going to the matches to ensure that 'that bloody poofter doesn't try anything'. Aidy's concerned that he's going to mouth off in a big way. If he does, I'm going to be outted to everyone who's there. It'll be all over school by Monday,” he finished, apprehensively.
He looked up. “As you said earlier, Randy, I can't keep running. The word is going to get out sooner or later,” he quietly stated. “My only decision is do I let it out today when I know it's going to happen, or wait for it to leak sometime later.”
Thinking for a second, he set his face into a resolute mask. “Giant... no, David,” he started, turning to face me, “can you please try to contact Gary to find out how he feels about me playing today? I might as well try to find out now rather than wait until just before the game.”
“Sure!” I replied, then queried, “But why do you want me to do it and not Giant?” I could see Randy echoing the question in his mind. I also noticed that Adam called me by my name instead of my nickname. I was afraid to ask whether there was an ulterior motive for that.
Looking away from me as if he didn't want to look at me more than he had to, he answered, “Because if Gary reacts badly I think you'll handle that better than Randy. Giant's just as likely to blow his stack at him if he comes over as homophobic, which will just make things worse.” Turning to my dad, he continued, “Mr. Castle, I know B1 and B2 often get a lift to the games with you. Are they going to do so today as well?”
My dad smiled. “Firstly, you can either call us Yvonne and Kevin, or hopefully, Mum and Dad. And, yes, Brett and Brian will be getting a lift with us to the game.” Raising his eyebrows, he asked, “Why did you want to know?”
“Can you ask them to come over early?” Adam asked hopefully. “If I can tell them before we leave and give them a chance to think about it, that will leave only Break to tell at the stadium.” He pondered for a second before shaking his head. “No, it's better to do it face to face, and not over the phone,” he finished, as if to himself.
When no one stepped forward to continue the conversation, I headed to the phone. “I'll try to call Gary now.”
Standing with the phone in my hand, I stopped to gather my thoughts. Given Adam's determination to not hide, I don't think there is anything I need to avoid saying, so a simple question should suffice. Okay, here goes nothing...
“Hello?” a female voice answered the phone.
“Hello, Mrs. Loveridge. It's David Johnson here. Is Gary home?”
“Just a minute,” she replied, before calling out, “Gary! Phone!”
“Hi, Gary speaking,” came Gary's voice after a few minutes.
“Hi, Gazza, its Stick. How's things?” I asked, suddenly nervous. I didn’t know how to get onto the desired topic.
“Pretty quiet at the moment. I've got some chores to do before I can head into town. Do you want to catch up?”
“Sure. I'm meeting Liz at about eleven at the coffee shop and then staying for lunch before heading off to the game. If we're not at the shop, we'll probably be down by the racetrack.”
“Sounds good to me! I'll see you then. Is that all you called for?” he asked.
“Actually, no,” I began. “Uh... I understand Ads stayed at your place on Thursday night,” I continued nervously.
“So?” was the cold response.
“He stayed with us last night, and he's told us about everything that has been going on. He said that you know that he's gay. Is that right?” I asked tentatively.
“Go on,” was the non-committal answer.
“We just want to know if there’s going to be a problem if Ads plays in the game today. Are you okay with that?” I asked nervously. Gary was certainly making me work at this.
I waited for the answer. “Gazza?” I said after a few seconds.
“Just thinking. Give me a minute or so,” was the neutral response.
It was a long minute. On the plus side, it wasn't an outright rejection. On the minus side, he obviously had grave concerns. At least he was thinking about it seriously.
Gary's voice sounded over the phone suddenly, “Who else knows he's gay?”
“My family, and Aidy and his family,” I replied. I thought for a second, then added, “But we suspect that it's going to become common knowledge pretty quickly. He's planning on telling B1 and B2 before the match, and Break at the game, so they find out before the rumours start.”
“Hmmm,” was the only response I received to the news.
After another long minute, Gary finally answered the original question. “I don't mind Ads playing. Anything else we'll play by ear. You can tell him that I wish him luck, but I don't know if I can support him when he gets in strife. Sorry,” he finished in a regretful tone.
“Thanks, Gary. I'll pass that on. Will I still see you in town?”
“Probably, but don't wait for me, just in case. See you later, Stick,” he finished.
“Okay, see you soon,” I replied before hanging up.
Returning to the kitchen, I gave Adam a smile as I walked back to the table. A look of relief flooded his face as he smiled in response.
“Gary's fine with Ads playing,” I announced happily, but then frowned. “Ads, he said to wish you luck with everything, but don't expect him to be able to support you. He said to say he’s sorry.”
Adam's mood faded visibly as he absorbed the news. Then, shrugging, he replied philosophically, “I'll take a neutral friend over an active enemy any day.”
“Okay, everyone. Let’s get moving. We have a lot of things to do this morning,” Mum piped up in the silence that followed Adam's statement. “Adam, go get your dirty clothes, and then let’s go shopping!” The enthusiasm that Mum put into that last statement brought a smile to everyone's face.
“Can you drop me off in town on the way through?” I asked. “I'm meeting Liz at eleven.” I then turned to Adam, “Is there anything you don't want me to say to her? I sort of promised last night that I’ll fill her in on what’s going on,” I added apologetically.
“I'm not running anymore,” Adam replied resolutely, though still without looking at me. “You can tell her anything you want. Just ask her to check with me before she starts telling anyone else. I'd like to have some idea of who knows and who doesn't.”
“Okay.”
As they headed off shopping, Adam felt a sense of empowerment. With the support of the Johnsons, he was beginning to take control of his life again. It would have been nice to have had the option to controlling when he was outted to everyone, but he was beginning to feel that he could survive the trial by fire that was approaching. Realistically, he knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he had some support.
Randy had mentioned some web sites that he and his dad had found the night before. Adam resolved to check them out that night. As a thought hit him, he changed his mind. That afternoon, after shopping, he had better check out what tips there were for handling verbal abuse. That was going to be the first priority. He’d check the rest out later.
It was half past ten when Mum dropped me off in town. Yarra Glen is the closest town to us, and is located just outside the northeastern suburbs of Melbourne. While there are enough things there for most shopping trips, for what Mum was planning to buy, she was travelling the extra distance to the Chirnside Park shopping centre in the Melbourne suburbs.
I decided to fill in some time looking in one of the antique stores that abound in Yarra Glen. Now, antiques are not my favourite cup of tea. Indeed, I'd have to say they are so far down the list that they rate only slightly above watching paint dry. However, my Dad's birthday is coming up next month, and I still had absolutely no ideas on what to get him. Since I had to fill in some time, I thought I'd wander through one of the stores and look for inspiration. As I'd already tried the tractor, hardware and automotive stores on earlier trips, I was beginning to get desperate.
Unfortunately, inspiration hadn't struck by the time I had to head off to the coffee shop. Yarra Glen does have more than one coffee shop, but there is only one that the school kids hang out at. So when we say “the coffee shop” it’s obvious which one we mean.
I hate being late for anything, so I wasn't surprised to find that I had beaten Liz there. Sitting down at a corner table where we'd be able to hold a semi-private conversation, I started to worry about what I was going to say when she showed up.
Ten minutes later, still in a confused, dazed state, I was startled when Liz settled into the seat next to me.
“Twice in two days! You really are slowing down, Stick,” she teased with a smile. However, when she spied my confused expression, the smile slipped. “What's wrong?”
“I thought I had it sorted all out last night, but this morning everything went crazy again. I just don't know what to do anymore,” I said, dejectedly. “I hope you can help me work it all out.”
“How about starting with what is going on?” she asked gently. “You told me that Adam's been kicked out, but not why. What's he done that made you say that his dad might have been justified in kicking him out?”
Trembling, I told her, “His dad found out that Adam's gay.”
She sat still for a moment as she absorbed what I had said.
And then she slapped me.
Raising a hand to my cheek, I looked at Liz in surprise. She had never slapped me or even threatened to slap me.
“Why’d you do that?” I asked. There was no anger in my question, only puzzlement.
“Why?” she echoed indignantly. “Why? You told me last night that Adam had been kicked out of home and that you thought it might have been justified! I spent the night trying to think of what he could have done. The only thing I could come up with was that he is into drugs, maybe even dealing drugs.” Her face was going red with anger, but thank goodness she kept her voice down. I didn’t really want the entire shop to overhear our fight.
“Now I find out that the only thing going on is that Adam’s gay,” she continued intensely. “You had me up half the night stressing out, and it’s all over such a non-issue! You deserve a lot more than a slap across the face for that.”
As I watched, she pulled herself together and appeared to calm down, though her eyes still flashed an anger that I couldn’t appreciate.
“But it’s not a non-issue!” I stated forcibly. “Look at how many people have been affected by this. He’s lost touch with his mum and sister. His dad publicly disowns him. My brother and I are fighting and Aiden’s dad could pull Aiden from the team because of Ads. How can you say it’s a non-issue? Who knows who else is going to be affected.”
Liz ran a hand through her hair as she paused to digest my point of view. “Maybe non-issue is not a good term,” she admitted. “But he’s certainly done nothing to justify being kicked out of home,” she finished hotly.
Reflecting on what I had said, she added, “What exactly are you and Randy fighting about, anyway?”
I glanced down at the table. This was not a subject I felt comfortable talking about, especially to my girlfriend. “I’m really worried about how he’s reacting to Adam,” I confided. “He told me last night that he isn’t gay, but this morning he was acting so protective of Adam that it was as if he was trying to keep his boyfriend safe! I told him that he shouldn’t stay the night in the same room as Ads,” I finished with a note of anguish.
“You’re an idiot,” Liz exclaimed with exasperation. “Either Giant’s gay, in which case you will just have to get used to the fact, or he’s just looking after a mate who needs some support.”
“My brother is not gay!” I replied angrily. Suddenly realising that I may have spoken a bit too loudly, I looked around nervously to see a few people looking at me curiously. Turning back to Liz, I quietly added, “Look, can we continue this somewhere a bit more private? Let’s walk down to the racetrack.”
Liz tilted her head slightly to one side as she considered the request, before rising to her feet. “Okay, Stick. Let’s get going.”
We walked down to the racetrack in silence, each wrapped up in our own thoughts. At least she let me hold her hand as we walked. The slap had unnerved me. Not being able to hold her hand would have probably freaked me out.
There were no races in Yarra Glen that day, though with races scheduled for the next day there was still a lot of activity going on. Liz and I sat down on a hill overlooking the course and watched quietly for a few minutes as workmen prepared the track for the next day.
Sensing that Liz was wanting me to take the lead, I slid my arm around her shoulder and lent into her for support. “Liz, I’m awfully confused at the moment. I had no idea that Ads is the way he is, and I’m not handling it well. I blew up at him yesterday when he told us, and said a lot of things that I now regret.”
Feeling her lean back into me gave me a sense of comfort and encouragement. Continuing, I said, “At first I thought this must be a phase he’s going through, because he’s just a bit confused. I thought we could fix the problem. I was going to ask your help in finding him a girlfriend to sort him out.” Feeling Liz stiffen under my arm, I quickly added, “But I learnt this morning that that isn’t true. He’s known he’s gay for two years now. I don’t understand it, but I think I’m just going to have to get used to the fact.” I gave a small sigh of relief when I felt her relax again.
“Keep going, Stick. You’re doing well,” Liz encouraged softly.
I sighed. Now was the hard bit. “I worked out last night that more than anything else, Adam needs someone to talk to – someone to give him support. Unfortunately, after my outburst, he doesn’t even want to look at me most of the time. I’ve pretty much forced him to turn to Giant to help him get through this. Randy’s great, but I’m concerned because he’s only fourteen. He can be easily led astray by Ads. He’s already said that he prefers Ads over me as a brother,” I finished sadly.
Liz and I sat together in silence for a moment, still watching the activity at the racetrack. I didn’t know what more to say.
Slowly, Liz moved out of my embrace. Turning and wondering what she was doing, I saw her smile as she moved to where she could look at me.
“Stick, what’s really your problem?” she asked gently. “Is it that you just don’t understand how Adam can be gay? Or is it that you don’t think he’s your friend anymore? Or could it be that Giant is doing something that you think should be your job? Or is it that you’re concerned that Giant is going to be hurt by all of this?”
I started to speak, but nothing came out. I knew I was concerned but I wasn’t sure why. Looking down at the ground, I thought about the questions Liz had asked.
Do I understand how Adam can be gay? The answer to that one is easy – NO! But that wasn’t really Liz’s question. It really was, am I having a problem with accepting his being gay? And the answer to that one I reluctantly admitted to myself has to be yes.
“I don’t understand him anymore,” I started as I reflected on the questions. “I’m not even sure that I ever did. Was everything we shared before a lie? Yes, that bothers me. I’ve enjoyed having him as a friend, but I don’t think I could call him that now, even if I wanted to. And I know that’s partly my fault, and that’s eating me up as well.”
I hesitated as I thought about the situation with Randy. “As for Giant, I think he’s getting in too deep. I have a feeling he’s going to get hurt, but I don’t know what I can do about it. He’s not talking to me at the moment. He’s really angry about the things I said to Ads last night. I’ve apologised to Ads, but Randy hasn’t really accepted it, and Ads didn’t accept it at all.”
Looking Liz straight in the eye, I concluded, “Randy’s only fourteen. Because of my stupidity, Adam’s turning to him for support instead of me. I don’t think Giant is mature enough to handle it without getting trapped. I’m scared for what Ads could do to him, and I’m scared about what will happen to him at school because of Ads.”
“You could be right,” Liz acknowledged quietly, as she turned back to the view over the racetrack. “But I think you need to give Randy a chance to prove himself. I’ve been watching him over the last few months, and I think he’s really started to mature.”
“You’ve been watching him?” I asked in astonishment. “What have you been watching him for? I thought I was your boyfriend!”
Smiling cheekily at me over her shoulder as she lay back into my chest, she answered, “You are! But I can tell a lot about a guy from his family, so I’ve been watching yours, and I’ve been very impressed.”
A warm glow spread through me at her compliments. I put my arms around her as she rested her back against my body, and some of the dark clouds started to leave my mind.
“There is one thing, though, that I think you need to understand, Stick,” she continued. “When we started, you listed some of the things that are going on. Do you realise that absolutely none of the issues you raised have anything to do with Adam?” she asked.
Surprised by the comment, I thought for a moment. Everything has to do with Adam! If he weren’t gay he’d still be at home with his family, and Randy would still be speaking to me. There would be not disrupting influences on the basketball team, and everything would be going well.
“What do you mean?” I asked. I really couldn’t understand where she was coming from with that comment.
“I think it’s obvious,” she replied calmly, leaning her head back to rest on my shoulder. “All of the issues you raised are to do with the other people, not Adam. Mr. Trent has a problem with accepting who his son is. He’s the one who is causing the problems in that family, not Ads. And you seem to have the same problem and that’s upset Giant. It’s not Adam that’s caused the fight between you and Randy – it’s you and how you reacted. And now Aiden’s dad is having a problem accepting that his son plays basketball with someone who is gay. That’s not Adam’s fault. All everyone has to do is accept him for who he is, and all the problems will disappear.”
While I tried to absorb this, she continued with a touch of steel in her voice, “I am assuming that you no longer have a problem with Adam being gay. I am right, aren’t I? You don’t have a problem with him being gay?”
My mind started to race as I realised that my response to her question was going to be critical. I knew better than to try to lie. I haven’t managed to do that successfully with Liz for months.
I started slowly, “What he does in the privacy of his own bedroom is really none of my business. I don’t need to know and I don’t want to know any details of what he does.” I paused for a moment and then continued, “But, if he tries to do anything with my little brother, I’ll definitely have a problem with that. I don’t want him corrupting him!” I finished firmly.
My pleasure at being able to correctly answer her question was blown away in an instant, as she pulled herself out of my arms, and spun around to glare at me.
“How dare you think that of Adam!” she challenged. “You’ve known him for years, and he’s never been anything but a good friend. How can you even consider that he’d do something to Giant? You’re seeing possibilities that just aren’t there!”
“That’s not true!” I responded indignantly. “How am I supposed to know what he’s thinking, anymore? If he puts his arm on my shoulder during a game, is it because he’s being a mate, or is he trying to start something?” My voice started to rise in volume and anger as I continued, “And you didn’t see the way he’s got Randy acting! I just know that he’d love to turn Giant gay. I don’t want that to happen if I can prevent it!”
“You’re a bastard!” she snarled, as I looked back in shock. “You think Adam is some sort of pervert that’s going to go around molesting everyone. Haven’t you got it through that head of yours that HE HASN’T CHANGED! He’s still the same person who pulled you out of the creek last year during the floods. He hasn’t changed at all. All that’s happened is that you now know why he doesn’t have a girlfriend!”
Standing up, she looked down at me in disgust. “I’m going now before one of us says something that we’ll both regret. Don’t expect to see me at the game, and don’t try calling until you’ve sorted out your issues. I don’t need a homophobic boyfriend!” she finished with vehemence. Turning, she strode away up the hill back into town.
I sat there for a moment before my brain registered that she was walking off. Possibly even walking out of my life! I rose quickly and ran after her. “Wait, Liz. Please wait? Can’t we talk this out?” Putting my hand on her shoulder, I pleaded, “Please?”
Spinning round to face me with an anger that seemed to be held in check only by a thread, she said through gritted teeth, “Take your hands off me, you prick!” At least she didn’t yell it. As I quickly dropped my hand, she added, “Don’t follow me. Don’t talk to me. Just go back and start thinking!”
I stood there as she marched out of sight. With my world crumbling around me, I fought back the tears that threatened to well up from the bottom of my breaking heart. Not caring that I was in the middle of the path, I dropped where I was standing and squatted, holding my knees to my chest. With Liz’s words running through my mind, I recalled that incident during last year’s floods.
Adam, Randy and I had been playing down by the creek, watching as the floodwaters sweep down on their way to the Yarra River. It was the biggest we’d ever seen the creek get, and we were enjoying watching the debris swirl down the stream. It was Randy who first spotted the joey in the water, clinging desperately to a small log. The way its head was swinging from side to side showed that the baby kangaroo was in trouble.
Not one to let the joey drown, I jumped to my feet and stripped off my clothes. I remember calling out to Randy and Adam to get a tree branch to help pull me back in. Our parents had made us take swimming lessons since we were three, and I was confident that there was no real risk in going in to rescue the joey. After all, the creek was less than thirty feet across. It was flowing swiftly with all the floodwater, but I wouldn’t be in there for too long.
What I hadn’t anticipated was being hit in the head by the log as I grabbed the kangaroo from it. I don’t remember too much of what happened next, but I know the story that Randy and Adam told my parents later that day.
After being hit, I disappeared from sight for several long seconds. Randy just stood there screaming my name as he desperately looked for me in the water. Adam, however, ran downstream to where an old gum tree reached across the creek. Quickly swinging himself out over the creek, he dropped into the water as soon as he saw me surface, still holding the joey tight to my body. Grabbing me under the arms, he slowly swam us back to the quieter water at the edge of the creek. Once there, he and Randy pulled me and the joey onto dry land.
I must have let the kangaroo go then, because they told me that Randy went white at the sight of the blood on my lower body. It seems that in its panic, the joey had clawed at me with its hind legs. I was lucky it wasn’t a full-grown roo, as otherwise it would have disembowelled me with those claws.
Adam used his shirt to wash away most of the blood and then applied pressure to try to slow down the bleeding. Randy, in the meantime, had rushed back home to get help. I had passed out by the time Mum came down to get me in the four-wheel drive, so I don’t remember later on when I took the only ambulance ride I’ve ever had. Luckily, there were no permanent injuries, just a few scars down my right side.
At least we saved the joey! It turned out that it had a broken leg, so the ranger took it to the Healesville Wildlife Sanctuary for recuperation. It was released back into the wild about six months later.
I have to admit that Adam probably saved my life that day. I might have managed to get out of the creek by myself, though I was groggy from the blow to my head, if I hadn’t been holding onto the joey. If Ads hadn’t dragged me out, would I have eventually recovered my senses enough to let the baby kangaroo go and save myself? Or would I have held on until it was too late? I don’t know the answer to that one, and I’m glad that the question is academic. I lived and so did the joey. The ranger allowed me to accompany him when he released the joey back into the wild. Watching it bound back into the bush is still one of the proudest moments of my life.
Now I know that even then, Adam knew he’s gay. Does that make his saving my life any different? Honestly, I have to admit that it doesn’t. Saving a life is an absolute. But what about the motive? Did he save me as a friend, or did he save me because he wanted something more?
My mind started racing in ever-diminishing circles as I started to review incidents over the last year, wondering if there had been other reasons for Adam’s actions than just being a friend. Had he been attracted to me? Shying back from the images that suddenly arose, I tried desperately to think of something else.
“Stick? Are you okay, mate?” Where did that voice come from?
I felt my body being shaken as I brought myself back to reality. Focusing my eyes, I looked up into Gary’s worried face.
“You look all spaced out and your face is so pale! Are you coming down with something? Do you want me to get you home?” Gazza’s concern was evident as he examined my face intently, looking for a clue as to what was wrong.
Still dazed from everything that had occurred, I blurted out, "Liz has left me!" I struggled again to keep back the tears that threatened to form.
Glancing over to my left, Gary reached down and grabbed my right hand. Pulling me to my feet, he said, “Come on, mate. Lets find somewhere to sit down and talk.” Following his glance, I saw his girlfriend Mary standing nearby, watching me anxiously as she ran a hand through her long black hair.
As we walked back up into town, I felt grateful to Gary and Mary. Arriving when they did had shaken my thoughts from the useless cycle they had been running through.
As we approached the coffee shop I realised that I couldn’t go in there. The memory of being slapped by Liz in there was too recent. As I froze in place, Gary and Mary took a couple of steps forward before they noticed that I wasn’t following.
“What’s the matter, Stick?” asked a concerned Mary.
“Can we go somewhere else, please? How about the park on the other side of the road?” I pleaded, evading the question. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer it, but rather that I didn’t want to explain everything while we stood outside of the coffee shop.
Mary and Gazza exchanged looks of puzzlement before yielding to my request. I could tell that they weren’t going to let me go without a full explanation. As we approached the park, I began to think of how to tell my story. I hadn’t done a good job with Liz, and I didn’t want to end up losing another friendship because I haven’t explained myself properly.
Gazza and Mary sat on one side of a picnic table in the park and I sat on the other side, facing them, and began:
“Gazza, how much have you told Mary about what is going on at the moment? I mean about Adam and why he’s staying at our place for now.”
Gary seemed to shrink into himself as Mary turned to look at him.
“He hasn’t told me anything,” Mary interjected in surprise. “Is there something I should know about that he’d been holding back?” she continued in a threatening tone whilst glaring at Gary.
Aghast that I’d put my foot in it again, I quickly jumped in, “It’s almost certainly going to be all over the school on Monday, but I know that Gazza promised Adam not to tell anyone. Adam only told my family last night, and informed us this morning that Gazza knows.”
Mary turned her steely gaze to me. I was peripherally aware that Gary had relaxed with relief, but Mary’s gaze held my attention with an unspoken threat of trouble if I didn’t start talking, and fast.
“Adam was kicked out of home by his father on Tuesday night because he’s gay,” I started. Mary’s eyes widened in astonishment as that simple statement struck home, and I continued, “He stayed with Aidy on Wednesday and Gazza on Thursday. Last night he stayed with us, and my parents have offered to let him stay as long as he wants to.”
Knowing that I had to get this out quickly before I lost control of my emotions, I rushed on. “I blew up and said things to Ads that I now regret. Giant and I have had a big fight on the subject and he now hates me. Liz appears to be against me as well. She told me that she doesn’t want to see or hear from me and walked off. That was just before you found me.” Looking down at the picnic table before me, I quietly added, “Everything is breaking up on me, and it’s all because Adam’s gay.” I struggled hard to keep the pain that was rising in my heart from breaking through my wall of stoicism.
Silence reigned after I stopped speaking. I probably should have looked up to see what they were thinking or doing, but I was afraid that I’d see another rejection. I had already lost the two most important people in my life – Randy and Liz – and I couldn’t bear to lose any more. As I contemplated a life without Randy and Liz, the pain broke through and I lost control. Lowering my face into my hands, I started to weep. Tears cascaded down my face, as sobs of anguish rose from what was left of my heart. My ears heard noises, but nothing penetrated until I felt someone sit down on my right, and then another on my left. Words were spoken to me from both the left and right, but I didn’t hear or understand any of them. All I could absorb was the feeling that I wasn’t alone – that there were still people who cared about me.
I have no idea how long I sat there, but as I slowly regained control and brought myself back to reality, I noticed that the words had stopped. The comforting souls were still there, but all of the communication was now being done by simple proximity. With a final gulp to end my cries, I raised by head from my hands.
I was amazed to find Gary’s mum sitting across the table from me with an anxious look. Turning my head, I found Gazza on my left, his hand still on my left shoulder. He gave me a small smile of support, which I returned after I wiped my tears away with a quick swipe of a hand. When I turned to the right, Mary didn’t smile at me, but instead gave me a look of compassionate support that acknowledged the pain I was going through.
Mrs. Loveridge began quietly, “David, I think I should take you home. Staying in Yarra Glen isn’t going to do you any good today.”
“How...” I began, but then turned to my left as Gary quietly interrupted me.
“I called her on my mobile. I tried your place first but there wasn't any answer, so I called my mum,” he explained softly. “Try to get some rest. And if you don't make it to the game today it's not the end of the world. We're going to make the finals regardless of the outcome of the match. You can skip the game if you need to.”
I looked at Mary as I heard her start to speak softly, “We haven't really had a chance to talk before, David, but if you want a sympathetic stranger to talk to, give me a call.” She put a piece of paper in my jacket pocket before continuing, “Or you can talk to Gary if you just want to sound off to a friend. I've given you his mobile number as well, as he said that he didn't think you had it.” Rising to her feet, she finished gently, “We'll let Mrs. Loveridge take you home now. As Gary said, just try to get some rest. You look like you've been through a war.”
Sitting at that picnic table as I watched them walk away, hand in hand, I began to appreciate the quality of my friends. Randy's comment from the night before returned to haunt me – how he has more faith in his friends that I seem to have in mine. How much faith DO I have in my friends?
Shaking myself free from my thoughts, I turned back to Mrs. Loveridge. “Thank you very much for this, Mrs. Loveridge. I really appreciate it.”
She smiled wryly. “That's okay, David. Let's get you home.”
I don't remember the trip back. I can't even remember what I was thinking about. It was as if my mind shut down until we pulled into our driveway. It was only when I heard Mrs. Loveridge telling me that I was home that my mind re-engaged. After thanking her again, I slowly strolled towards the house.
For a moment I stopped and thought about going down to the dam, but as I recalled what it was I would be contemplating, I abandoned the idea and continued on into the house. Since everyone was still apparently out shopping, I did what Gazza and Mary had suggested and lay down on my bed to rest. I hadn't expected to fall asleep, but the exhausting drain of my emotional release in the park was more powerful that I had realised.
When I awoke, it was to the noise of Adam and Randy laughing in the corridor. Not wanting to confront them, I rolled over to face away from the door. If they looked in, they'd see me, but hopefully would think I was asleep.
As I lay there, my mind shied away from any attempt to ponder the circumstances that had brought me to this point. All I could do was silently rage at the injustice of the world. I had done nothing wrong, but the people I loved were abandoning me! Swinging from anger to grief, from sorrow to bitterness, my emotions kept circling. I knew that was doing me no good, but I couldn’t stop it.
There may have been some noises from out in the corridor, but the emotional cycle I was on left no room for interruptions. It was only when the bed moved from the weight of someone sitting on the edge that the cycle was broken.
“Honey, what's wrong? We thought you were staying in town with Liz until the game,” came my mum's concerned voice.
Without turning over, I sobbed, “I don't want to talk about it.” Taking a deep breath to settle myself, I added, “Can you please just leave me alone for awhile?”
Feeling her hand gently squeezing my shoulder, I heard her say, “Okay, honey. Come on out when you're ready.” I returned to the emotional cycle that was slowly draining me of all energy.
It was sometime later before I finally accepted that I was getting nowhere. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it would soon be time to get ready for the game. I was in no fit state to play, but I made up my mind to go, even if only to watch.
Getting up, I went to my closet to get my gear, and then cursed. I had packed everything earlier, when I thought I'd be going straight to the game, and it was already in the Land Cruiser, ready to go.
Mentally arming myself for the gauntlet of questions I'd be facing, I opened my bedroom door and headed off to get my gear.
Just before I got to the door of the living room, I stopped as I heard Adam's voice.
“... and I'm gay,” I heard him say.
For a moment I was confused about who he was talking to, before I remembered that he was going to tell Brett and Brian before they all headed off to the game. I froze as I waited for their response. So far those three simple words had caused tidal waves in the lives of everyone who’d heard them.
There was no noise for almost a minute. I could imagine the silent conversation the twins would be having with each other. It was something I had seen many times, but it never ceased to amaze me how they could come to a consensus on something without saying a word.
“So, do you have a boyfriend yet?” I don't know which twin said it, but I could only gape at the matter-of-fact tone with which it was asked.
“No,” was Adam's surprised response. “No one knew until Tuesday when my dad found out. I haven't even thought about a boyfriend.” I could tell from his tone that he was relieved that the twins had taken the news so well – almost as if the news really didn't matter.
Not wanting to hear anything more just in case he mentioned Randy's name, or worse, that Randy piped up with a comment, I ran out the front door and sprinted to the car. Collecting the bag containing my basketball gear, I waited a moment to settle myself before slowly walking back to the house. Stopping with one hand on the doorknob, I wondered what I was going to do. How should I handle the inevitable questions? Still uncertain, I opened the door and entered the house.
Walking down the hallway back to my room, I was stopped as B1 came out of the living room.
“Hi, Stick! Shouldn't you be getting ready? We'll be heading off soon,” he said amiably.
“I'm just going back to get changed now. I had forgotten that my gear was in the car,” I replied nervously, as I moved past him. I hoped he wouldn’t want to keep chatting, as I didn't want to get caught by anyone else. Holding a conversation was beyond my capabilities at that moment.
He looked at me, puzzled at my obvious discomfort, before shrugging and heading off to the bathroom.
With a sigh of relief, I returned to my room and shut the door. Putting my bag on the floor, I sat on the side of the bed and looked blankly at it. Did I really want to get ready for a game of basketball for which I no longer had any enthusiasm? With my inclination to find a hole to crawl into for the rest of my life warring with my sense of team loyalty that demanded I go, I just sat and did nothing for several minutes.
Eventually accepting that my wish to just disappear was immature, I picked up my gear and got changed. I thought… If Dad coaches, as he usually does, I'll tell him that I don't really want to play – I'll just be there if they really need me.
Moving with a weariness that seeped through every pore of my body, I joined the rest of the family. I found them all in the living room, in an obviously cheerful mood that immediately sent a surge of resentment through me. How dare they be happy when my life was crashing down around me!
Looking concerned as he saw me standing in the doorway, my dad asked, “Are you okay, David?”
“No,” I answered bluntly, “but I don't want to talk about it. Are we ready to go?”
“We're ready, but it's a bit early. We’re not leaving for another five minutes,” he responded, apparently perplexed by my behaviour.
“Fine!” I said coldly. “I'll wait in the car until then.”
Turning to go, I was stopped by Dad's plea, “David, please wait. If there’s a problem, we have time to talk about it before we go.”
Without turning, I replied, “I've already said I don't want to talk about it! Now can you please just leave me alone?” My heated response appeared to have served its purpose. I stormed off to the car.
Not wanting to talk on the ride to the stadium, or even look at anyone else, I had two choices on where to sit in the Land Cruiser. If I took the front seat, I wouldn't have to see anyone, but Dad would be in a position to question me as he drove. Quickly deciding, I took one of the two fold-down seats at the back of the car. That way, everyone else would be in front of me and unable to watch me without turning around. Since those seats face sideways instead of to the front, I wouldn't even need to look at the backs of their heads.
Staring blankly into space, I waited for everyone else to show up.
When the others arrived sooner than I had anticipated, I caught sight of startled looks as they saw where I had chosen to sit. Randy took the front seat next to Dad, as I expected, with Adam sitting in one of the middle seats. B1 and B2 exchanged a quick glance before Brett sat in a middle seat. I was surprised and angry, however, when Brian took the other fold-down rear seat, facing me. The fold-down seats are more uncomfortable for someone of our size than the middle seat, so I knew this was done deliberately for my sake. Now I would have to sit facing B2 for the entire trip. Couldn't he see that I wanted to be left alone?
“Okay, boys, let's get going!” Dad enthused as he started up the engine. Normally his eagerness to get to the basketball stadium would get us all revved up for the game, but today I was not letting anything dispel my gloomy mood.
After scowling at Brian's sympathetic expression, I turned my head to the back of the car and looked out the rear window. If I didn't look at anyone, I wouldn't have to acknowledge that I heard anything they said. The trip was going to be miserable, anyway. How bad it was going to get depended on whether or not Brian could take a hint and leave me alone.
Giant, Ads and B1 started up a conversation about the weakness of the various players on the Steels Creek basketball team that we would be playing. Since we'd already played against them several times in the last year, and we also knew several from school, there was little new information discussed. We were beaten last time we played them, in a tightly fought contest that was decided in the last minute of the game. I quickly tuned them out. With no intention of playing much of the match, I didn't need to be reminded of which players to watch out for.
“You know, Stick, that you can talk to us if it will help.” Brian's low-voiced comment interrupted my thoughts as I stared out the rear window.
Before I could catch myself, I turned my head to glower at him. His expression of sympathy infuriated me further. How could he just sit there patiently with everything that was going on around him?
I was about to yell at him when my anger drained away like water down the sink. B1 and B2 were not the ones I was upset with. All they were doing was trying to be helpful. They probably didn't even know what was going on.
“Sorry. I know you're just trying to help,” I apologised quietly. “I'm just not ready to talk about it. Can you please just leave me alone for awhile?”
“Sure thing, mate. Just remember, we'll be there whenever you want,” came the supportive reply.
Mercifully, Brian stayed silent for the rest of the journey. I tuned out the others, as they made no effort to involve me in their conversations. Brett parried any attempt Randy or Adam made to speak to Brian, giving me a quiet oasis at the back of the car to relax into. With my anger gone, the gloom that had embraced me before seemed to be more distant. As with Gazza and Mary at the park, I drew strength from the simple proximity of Brian. My mind was still in chaos, but a new foundation of friendship and support was being formed to help me through the troubles I faced.
Standing outside the entrance to the hospital’s emergency department in a confused state of anger and fear, I reflected that this was not the way I had intended to spend my Saturday night. I felt anger at the actions of Aiden’s dad – how could any adult go so far as to put a kid into hospital? – and fear, because I could feel that this was just a warning of things to come.
Everyone else was inside, but I couldn’t stay there with them. The sight of him lying unconscious, still covered in blood, was too much for me. Instead, standing outside in the fresh air, looking blankly over the car park in front of me, I recalled the events that lead to our being there. I couldn’t help wondering if there was something that I could have to done to prevent this from happening…
When we arrived at the basketball stadium, I was feeling relaxed and almost ready to play. It felt strange that the events that turned my world upside down had started near here less than forty-eight hours ago.
When the school had a new sports stadium built five years ago, to help defray the costs they negotiated an arrangement with a number of sporting associations to allow it to be used outside of school hours. This meant that we now had basketball games at both the main stadium in Lilydale, and the new stadium at the Yarra Valley Christian College.
So here I was again, just across the car park from where Adam had approached Randy and me yesterday morning. Looking reflectively back at that significant spot and remembering my dad’s concerns, I knew that Adam needed a safe place to stay, but why did it have to be with us! Dropping my eyes to the tyre-marked concrete, I let the surge of resentment fade away. Wishing that the past could be changed wasn’t going to help.
Turning towards the stadium entrance, I was surprised to see Dad, B1 and B2 watching me anxiously. With everyone else having apparently already entered the building, I was touched at the concern they showed. Giving them a wry half-smile, I started to walk slowly towards where they stood. Brett and Brian glanced quickly at each other before grinning back to me. With a cry of, “See you on the court!” they dashed up the stairs and went inside.
As I approached, Dad questioned me with his eyes. Shaking my head, I wordlessly told him that I wasn’t ready to speak on what was troubling me. Turning to enter the stadium with me, he placed an arm across my shoulders and gently squeezed. “Whenever you’re ready,” were the softly spoken words.
We found that the game before ours was still going, with thirteen minutes still on the clock. With the local rules for stopping the clock after each whistle during the last three minutes of the game, I knew we had at least fifteen minutes before we could take the court to warm up. As I sat down on one of the benches that ran down both long sides of the court, I glanced around to see who else was there.
I saw Michael O’Conner and his dad from the Steels Creek team sitting with Randy and Adam. Michael shares a number of classes with me at school and we generally get along pretty well. He’s also the only player in our grade who can give Randy a run for his money under the basket. An affable redhead, his Celtic heritage shows in his mild Irish accent. Despite the on-court rivalry, there is no rancor between Randy and Michael, either on or off the court – only a healthy respect for each other's talents.
Further down the court, I could see Brett and Brian chatting with Leo and Tran, two more of the opposition players who had arrived early. As both go to the same school as B1 and B2, I don’t know them very well, but apparently the four of them often practice together at lunchtimes. Tran is one of the Steels Creek's main players. What he lacks in height, the young Vietnamese boy more than makes up for in speed and shooting accuracy.
Given my current emotional state, I was going to sit down somewhere by myself, but when I saw Fiona Britton bearing down on me, I quickly decided to join Randy, Adam and Michael. Fiona is one of Liz's girlfriends, and I was in no mood to be questioned about why Liz wasn't there. I was hoping that if I was talking with the others, she wouldn't interrupt with questions.
Ignoring the look of disgust that Randy flashed me as I squeezed in next to Adam, I forced a smile at Michael. “Hi Mike! Are you going to let Giant show you how to play properly today?”
“I thought he was going to continue the lessons on how NOT to play properly,” Michael replied cheekily.
Randy opened his mouth to retort, but unfortunately Fiona chose that moment to butt in, “Stick, where's Liz? I thought she was with you today.” Her tone indicated clearly that she wanted a serious answer.
“Sorry Fee, I don't know where she is,” I replied indifferently, though it took every bit of self-control I had, as I glanced up at her. “She wasn't feeling very well, so I think she decided to head home,” I continued, lying through my teeth.
“Oh. I'd better ring her tonight to make sure she's okay,” she declared, as she glanced back towards Leo, her current boyfriend. “Good luck with the game,” she added as she headed off.
Relieved that I had managed to get out of that one easily, I failed to notice Gazza and Mary coming in until they were standing in front of me.
“Are you feeling okay now, Stick?” Mary asked gently, while Gary, holding onto her hand, looked at me with concern.
“Yeah, I'm fine!” was my reply. I knew it was unconvincing as I said it, but I couldn't tell the truth, not there in public. I tried looking away to hint that I didn't want to talk, but that tactic backfired miserably when I caught Randy staring at me.
“Stick, are you going to tell us what's going on?” he asked flatly. “Did something happen between you and Liz today?”
Panicking, I jumped up and raced out the door. A tidal wave of despair swept over me as Randy's words brought everything back to the front of my mind, shattering the calm that I had achieved on the drive to the game.
As I stood on the stairs outside, struggling to hold back the tears rising from the depths of my heart, I felt a hand rest gently on my right arm.
“We're sorry, David. We didn't realise that you hadn't told anyone else,” Mary apologised quietly as she stood next to me.
“’S okay,” I sniffed, trying to regain my composure.
As I settled down, I could hear Gary's angry voice coming from the open door. Knowing his temper, I half-heartily smiled. “It sounds like Gazza's reading the riot act to Giant in there.”
Mary flashed me a quick grin. “If you're feeling okay, I think I'd better go back inside and make sure that he and Giant will still be able to play. You have a game starting in a few minutes.”
“Go. I'll be all right. Just give me a little time to calm down,” I responded, truthfully.
After an intense examining look, she apparently felt that I was being honest. Letting go of my arm after a quick squeeze of support, she returned to where her boyfriend was arguing with my brother.
Struggling to control myself, I forced my mind away from the subject of Liz and back towards the game that would soon start. Recalling my dad’s comments from last night, I realised that for me as well as Ads, basketball is a lifeline that I can grab hold of when events are sweeping everything else out of control.
Slowly regaining a semblance of calm, I noticed Aiden and his parents getting out of their car. My personal concerns were suddenly swept aside as I viewed the family. Mr. Trent is a broad, middle-aged individual, but much of his size is muscle, not fat. He had been in the Australian Defence Force, but I couldn't remember if I had ever been told whether it was the Navy or Army. I know it wasn't the Air Force, as I recall Aiden retelling his father’s disparaging comments about flyboys. Watching him move towards the stadium entrance, a look of thunder on his face, I had a vision of an unstoppable tank bearing menacingly down on me.
Realising that I was staring, and not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, I stepped back inside. Noticing that Gary and Randy were still arguing, I moved quietly over to Adam.
“Ads, I just saw Aiden and his parents arrive. It’s up to you, but you might want to move down and join B1 and B2,” I suggested softly. With the noise of the argument going on, I’m sure no one overheard my comment.
With a surprised look that transformed into one of gratitude, Adam stood up and pushed his way between Gary and Randy. “Excuse me,” he said, as he headed down to the other end of the stadium.
As I followed Ads with my eyes, I was peripherally aware that Gary and Randy had stopped arguing and were staring at me, puzzled.
“Aiden and his dad have just arrived,” I answered their unspoken question quietly. “I think we should all go down to join B1 and B2, don’t you?”
With a quick nod of agreement, Randy, Gary and Mary headed off to join the others. I was about to go as well, when I noticed Michael and his dad looking at me, perplexed. Remembering Adam’s comments from last night about hearing stories first hand rather than via rumour, I sat down again.
“Some sort of explanation is in order, I suppose,” I started, hesitantly. “There is a lot going on at the moment, and it’s not my place to tell all of it, but we have reason to suspect that there might be some conflict today between Aiden’s dad and Adam. We’re just trying to minimise the risks.”
At that moment, Aiden and Mr. Trent came through the door, Mrs. Trent following anxiously behind them, staring worriedly at her husband. I watched nervously to see what they would do. Scowling fiercely, Mr. Trent looked around the stadium. “Is that faggot here yet?” he asked rhetorically, making no effort to keep his voice down. “Ah. There he is! Come on son, you’re sitting with me on the other side of the court,” he continued with contempt, dragging Aiden by the arm.
I sighed. So much for my hope that he would stay quiet.
“Okay, that answers one question,” I stated despondently. Turning back to Michael and Mr. O’Conner, I filled in some of the missing details. “Adam was kicked out of home this week because he’s gay. He stayed one night with Aiden, but you can see what his dad thinks of the situation. Adam’s living with me and Randy now.” Standing up, I pleaded with Michael; “He’s going through a really rough patch at the moment, Mike. Can we try to keep this off the court for today? Everyone’s tempers are being frayed, and I’m afraid the wrong comment could end up starting a fight.”
“Okay, Stick,” was the distracted response, as he sat looking and frowning at Aiden and his parents. I had obviously given him a lot to think about. Hopefully he’ll be able to keep his teammates from stirring up anything.
Starting off to join the others, I suddenly turned and headed back outside instead. The situation with Aiden’s dad had taken my mind off my Liz problem for the moment, but it reminded me that Scott still hadn’t been told about Ads. Waiting outside for Scott would allow me that much more time to settle myself.
Stepping outside, I came face to face with Scott and his elder brother, Chris. There went any chance for settling my mind.
“Hi, Break. Hi, Chris,” I said with false cheerfulness. “Ads wants an urgent word with you, Break. Come on, we don’t have much time before the game starts,” I added, heading back inside.
“Do you know what Ads wants?” Scott asked, as he followed me into the stadium.
“I do, but I think its best that you hear it from him.”
The three of us proceeded down the side of the basketball court to where everyone else, apart from Aiden, was waiting. Most were striping off their shirts and putting on the uniforms that Dad was handing out.
As he watched us approach, Adam stood up with a look of nervous resolve. Seeing this, the rest of the team sat down and went quiet, apart from Randy, who stood behind Adam with one hand resting on his shoulder in support. My dad sat quietly next to where Adam was standing. I could tell he was ready to jump up and intervene if anything went wrong.
Stopping in front of Adam, I said, “Ads, I’ve told Break that you wanted to speak to him. Also, I heard Aiden’s dad mouthing off, and he wasn’t trying to keep quiet about it. I think we’ll need to assume the worst.” Ads nodded, and I moved behind Scott and Chris. It was now up to Adam.
He began, “Break, I need to say this quickly, so I understand if it’s too much to sink in at once. If you want time to absorb it, just say and I’ll give you as much space as you need.”
Scott looked perplexed. “What the hell are you going on about, Ads?” he asked.
Adam took a deep breath. “I was kicked out of home by my dad on Tuesday. He’s disowned me and doesn’t want to see me again. I’m now staying with Giant and his family. Everyone in the team, apart from you, now knows all the essential details of what’s been going on.”
I was gutted when I realised that he had mentioned Randy by name, but not me. I don’t know if Scott picked up on it, but I saw Brett and Brian exchange glances before turning back to watch the scene that was playing out.
“Aiden’s dad also knows the reason, which is why he’s here today and keeping Aiden on the other side of the court.”
Scott’s head flicked around in surprise to where Aiden was sitting. Until then, I don’t think he had realised that Aidy was there. As he turned back to look at Adam, I could see that he was now totally perplexed. Before he could ask anything, Adam continued.
“Scott, the reason for all of this is because I’m gay,” Adam stated firmly, straightening his back and looking directly at Scott. As Scott’s jaw dropped, Adam added, “We’re all expecting Aiden’s dad to start mouthing off during the game, so I wanted to get in and tell you what the situation is first.”
“You’re a fucking faggot?” Scott was asking a question, as if he hoped Adam would deny it.
As Adam urgently raised a hand towards him, Scott flinched away. “Keep away from me!” Spinning around, Scott bolted for the door.
I started to go after him. After all, I probably knew what he was thinking better than anyone else, but I felt someone grab me by the arm. Turning in surprise, I found Chris holding onto me. “Let him go,” he said calmly. “He’s not going anywhere. It’s just a bit of a shock to find out your best friend’s queer.”
Staring blankly for a second, I nodded as I realised he was right. Chris had the car keys, and Scott had no reason to run away. If he didn’t come back in, he’d be waiting for Chris by the car after the game.
Turning back, I saw total devastation on Adam’s face. He had been crushed by Scott’s reaction. I could tell he expected Break, his best friend, to take it with little trouble. Finding an unlikely parallel with my current problems with Liz, I felt a wave of kinship with Adam. Both of us had been shocked by the negative response of a close friend to unexpected news. It was only the uncertainty and, to be honest, fear, of how he would react that prevented me from approaching him to offer some sympathy.
A sudden thought made me turn to Chris. He was still standing, looking back sadly at where Scott had disappeared.
My eyes narrowed with suspicion as I attracted his attention. “Er… Chris? You seem to have taken the news remarkably well.”
Looking at me with a wry smile, he responded, “Been there before. I had a good mate recently tell me that he’s gay. It was a shock at the time, but I’m over it now, and we’re still great friends. I think Scott took it harder because of the surprise. After all, it’s not the sort of thing you expect to hear in the middle of a basketball stadium, just before a game.”
Reflecting on what Chris had told me, and on my insight into what Adam was probably feeling, I sat down and tried to sort what it all meant, but my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the siren signalling the end of the first game. On the other side of the court, I saw Aiden nodding to something his father said, before he headed over to collect his uniform from my dad. From the way Aiden was trying to keep away from where Adam was standing, I’m sure Mr. Trent had given his son strict instructions on what he could do.
As we started to warm up, it was quickly apparent that our thoughts were not on the game. Scott was missing, Adam was still in shock, and I wasn’t feeling much better. I knew I was going to have to play. We just didn’t have enough players left to allow me to sit out.
Looking around, I saw the usual group of spectators. Apart from a handful of friends, the only ones here to watch were the parents or siblings who had driven the players to the game. If we ever reached A grade that would change but for now we played mainly for ourselves.
It wasn't long before the referees called us out to start. After quickly looking at Adam and me, Dad made Giant, Aidy, Gazza, B1 and B2 the starting five. He didn’t have much choice in the matter. Unfortunately, it was a starting combination we had never used.
I found that paying attention to the game caused my other concerns to fade into the background. As I watched our team struggle during the first few minutes, I slowly came down from the emotional rollercoaster I had been riding. Randy and Michael were having their usual tough battle under the basket, which Randy was winning more often than not. However, not having Scott to pass the ball to reduced the number of opportunities he had to capitalise on the possessions he gained.
After ten minutes, it was clear that we were in trouble. Already eight points down, we were struggling to find any consistency. Gazza was beginning to lose his temper and had already had two fouls called against him.
Dad looked at Adam and me. “Do you two feel up to taking the court?”
With a quick nod, I answered, “I think so. Just take me off again if I can’t keep up. I’m pretty worn out at the moment.”
Adam just nodded. He looked better, but he certainly wasn’t the ball of energy that he usually is at our games.
“Okay,” Dad continued, “I want you two to take Aiden and Gary off. Tell the others that we’re going to switch to a two and three man/zone defense. Brett will guard Tran and Brian will guard Leo. You two and Randy just block up the key and don’t let them in.”
I looked up in surprise. Having two players play man-on-man while the other three played zone was hard on the two. Without Scott to give them a breather, they were going to be exhausted. Dad smiled back at me. “Go on. Trust me.”
Shrugging, I turned back to the game and waited for the next chance to call for a player substitute. It came soon enough, as Gazza committed his third personal foul.
As Adam and I were waved onto the court by the referee, I called out for Aiden and Gazza to take a rest on the bench.
“What’s the fucking faggot doing on the court? I thought this was the boys’ competition, not the girls’,” Mr. Trent yelled out as we moved into position.
There was a stunned silence through the stadium. Adam and I faltered and looked at each other before glancing at Aiden’s dad.
“Hey, ref! Make sure you watch the poof’s hands. We don’t want him trying to feel up the other players.”
“Ignore him,” I whispered to Adam. “There’s nothing we can do about it, so just tune him out.”
“Easy to say, not so easy to do,” he whispered back, obviously shaken. “Thanks anyway, David.”
As we joined our teammates on the court, Brett and Brian were holding Randy back. If fury by itself could have silenced Aiden’s dad, Randy’s would have done it.
Glancing around, I saw mainly looks of indifference or curiosity on the faces of the opposition players, and most of the spectators. Apart from Mr. Trent’s, there didn’t seem to be any openly hostile reactions. I hoped Adam would have to endure abuse from only one person.
We were just getting ready to start playing again when Paul from the Steels Creek team strolled up to Adam and me.
“Just curious, but which one of you is supposed to be the homo?”
I was stunned. I hadn’t realised that people could have interpreted the comments as applying to me! It was only then that I became aware that Mr. Trent had used no name. As both Adam and I had entered the court at the same time, he could have been talking about either of us.
Paul had asked his question so casually that I didn’t feel offended. I even appreciated that he was giving us the option to deny it completely.
Before I could respond, Adam spoke up belligerently. “I am. Do you have a problem with that?”
Raising his hands as if to fend of any accusation, Paul replied, “Not me! Just wanted to find out what’s going on.” Giving a huge grin, he said, “Can we get back to the game now?”
Noticing that Adam grinned in return, I smiled. Things were working out better than expected for him. Maybe now we could start to concentrate on the game.
Quietly giving Brett and Brian Dad’s instructions, Adam and I joined Randy under the basket. My brother seemed to have calmed down a little, though the angry glint in his eye threatened trouble for anyone who ended up in his way on the court.
When play got underway again, my dad’s plan became obvious. With almost every team in the competition playing a simple 2-1-2 zone defense, most teams become rattled when they encounter something different.
Suddenly finding themselves pressured by B1 and B2 as soon as the ball came into play, they panicked and lost control of the ball. B2 grabbed it quickly, and sprinted down the court for an easy goal.
Jumping up from the bench, Dad yelled out, “Full court press.” This was the code to tell Adam and me to rush to the centre of the court to help B1 and B2 put more pressure on the other team as they tried to bring the ball back in from the end. Again, it worked a treat, with Adam picking off a loose ball and passing it off to B1 for another quick goal. In less than a minute we had gone from eight points down to only four points.
Repeating the full court press brought almost identical results, though with B2 getting the goal this time. We were on our way back into the match!
Obviously needing to re-group, the Steels Creek coach called a timeout. With huge grins, we all gathered around my dad. He was about to say something when he stared beyond us with a thoughtful look. Turning to follow his gaze, I saw Scott standing at the door, watching.
“David, could you please go over and tell Scott he’s welcome to join us if he wants to,” Dad said.
“Okay.” I ran over to where Scott stood.
“Hi, Break. We’d love to have you back in the team if you still want to play,” I said hopefully.
“Are you sure?”
I grinned. “Definitely. We need you, mate!”
Scott seemed hesitant, in spite of my enthusiasm. “Come on, Break, the timeout’s almost up!” I turned and ran back to the team, confident that Scott would follow.
As we came up, Adam turned to us with an uncertain grin, handing Break’s uniform to him. “Here you are, mate. Welcome back.” I was pleased to see Scott smile in reply.
Just then, the referees called us back to the game. I raised my eyes quickly at Dad and he answered my question. “We’re dropping back into normal zone defense. We don’t want to run more than we have to, yet.”
Nodding my acknowledgment, I ran back with the others.
Before we knew it, it was halftime. With Scott joining us and with Adam and me coming out of our funks, we were beginning to click as a team again. Four points down, we knew that the match was still going to be tough. Aiden’s dad had continued to snipe from the sidelines, but we were able to ignore him most of the time. I did notice that Adam took care to always ensure he was playing on the other side of the court, though.
I was disturbed to see one of the referees coming over to talk to Dad during the halftime break. Wondering what was going on, I jogged over.
“Excuse, me coach, can you please inform the parents of your team that no more abusive language will be tolerated? If it persists, we’ll have to stop the game until they leave the stadium.” Colin had refereed a lot of our matches, and I knew that he was more than willing to follow through on his threat. Only twenty, he was one of the most hard-nosed referees we had encountered. In his favour, though, was the fact that he cared about trying to do the best job he could. Some other referees would just stand around on the court doing a half-hearted effort, but Colin was always moving to try to get into position so he could always see the play clearly.
Dad looked worried. “I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t control what he says.”
“That’s all I can ask you to do, coach. Thanks for this.” With that, Colin returned back to the score bench.
Dad and I looked at each other with concern. We both knew that talking to Mr. Trent was going to be useless – potentially worse than useless! But if he were thrown out of the stadium, he’d take Aiden with him. What could we do?
Sighing, Dad spoke up, “I’ll speak to Margaret. Maybe she can keep her husband quiet.”
It sounded like as good a plan as any, but we didn’t get our hopes up that it would work.
We started the second half with Randy, Aiden, Scott, Gary and me on the court. The first five minutes were furious, with neither team gaining an advantage. We managed to get two quick goals when Randy gathered in rebounds on defense and then passed quickly to Scott on fast breaks. However, Tran quickly answered those goals with a couple of shots from behind the three-point line, leaving us six points down.
At the next chance, Dad took me off the court and put Adam on. I waited anxiously for Mr. Trent to make a comment but thankfully, for once, he was silent.
A couple of minutes later, Aiden and Adam combined to double-team Paul as he tried to drive to the basket. Aiden was knocked down trying to block Paul’s path, but luckily the referee called a charging foul on Paul.
As Adam reached down to help Aiden up, Mr. Trent jumped to his feet.
“Leave my son alone, you fucking pervert!” he yelled, red-faced.
As I looked on aghast, he ran onto the court straight at Adam, who had turned towards him, not understanding what was going on.
Pushing Adam to the floor, Aiden’s dad continued to scream, “You come fucking near my son again and I’ll rip your fucking balls off. You faggots don’t deserve to live.”
Randy, anger written on every line of his face, stepped up to Mr. Trent and pushed him away from where Adam was lying. “Keep away from him, arsehole!”
Rage pouring out of him, Aiden’s dad threw a fist at Randy’s face. As my brother collapsed backwards, I was shaken by the loud thud as his head hit the floor.
Racing onto the court, I was surprised to find Mr. O’Connor there before me. With one action, he grabbed Mr. Trent by the arm, spun him around, and threw him face down onto the ground. With his arm held securely held behind him, Mr. Trent struggled ineffectually to free himself.
“Let me go, you fucking bastard! Let me go, or I’ll fucking report you to the cops for assault!”
“Well then,” Mr. O’Conner replied in a dry Irish accent, “as a cop myself, I should warn you that I don’t think they’ll take you too seriously. I’m just a concerned citizen restraining someone who has assaulted two minors.” Glancing up, he added, “David, go check on your brother. I didn’t like that sound I heard when he landed.” Looking past me, he continued, “Kevin, ring the police. I’ll restrain him until they arrive.”
Moving to my brother, I found Brett and Brian already there. The expressions I saw on their faces still didn’t prepare me for the sight of my brother lying unconscious, blood pooling around his head.
As I went to grab him, I found a pair of arms restraining me. Preparing to flatten whoever was keeping me from my brother, I heard Colin’s soft voice through the jumble of rage, fear, and horror controlling my mind. “Easy, Stick. Don’t touch him until we’re sure he hasn’t hurt his neck.”
The fear of doing more damage drained me of all other emotion. Sinking to the ground, I watched as Colin gently checked Randy, being careful to not disturb him. Focussing on my brother, I was vaguely aware that Colin asked my dad to call an ambulance, just to be safe. He suspected a broken nose since that’s where all the blood was coming from, but he didn’t want him moved until either he regained consciousness or a paramedic arrived.
I heard Colin telling everyone that he was calling the game off, but I didn’t care. There was only one thing in my mind at that time – a fervent prayer that Randy would be all right.
As I waited outside the hospital, time passed me by without touching. People came and went, and all I could do was stand there and stare blankly into space.
A touch on my shoulder pulled me out of my musings. I turned and found Mum smiling softly.
“He’s going to be okay. He woke up for a few minutes while we were with him. The doctors suspect concussion, and want to keep him in overnight for observation. They will also treat his broken nose, but they said that it looks worse than it really is. Your dad is just filling in some paperwork and then we can all head home.”
The knot of fear that had been twisting my heart broke apart at Mum’s words. The surge of relief I felt flew up from my soul and shone through my face. I pulled Mum into a huge hug, physically passing on the thanks I felt for the good news.
And then I saw Adam standing behind her.
“You!” I screamed in anger as I pulled away from Mum.
Shaking my fist at him, I yelled, “This is all your bloody fault. You keep away from my brother! You come near him again and I’ll make sure it’s your turn in hospital!”
Adam's face went white as he stared at me in shock.
“David! You apologise right now!” Mum demanded angrily. “This is not Adam's fault.”
“Yes it is! If he hadn't shown up, Randy wouldn't have gotten in the way of that punch. My brother wouldn't be lying in hospital right now!”
I was startled by Dad's angry voice behind me.
“David. Go to the car. If I hear one more word from you, you'll find yourself grounded for so long you won't know what's hit you.”
“But...”
“One more word, David. Just one more word,” he interrupted.
Sullenly, I stalked off to the car, deciding that if he didn't want one more word, then that's the way it would be. No more talking.
I maintained a sullen silence throughout the trip home.
When we got home, I jumped out of the car as fast as I could and headed to the house. Unlocking the door, I switched on the lights and went straight to my room. I expected my dad or mum, or maybe even both, would want to see me about my outburst at the hospital, but they would have to come to me. I wasn't going to go to them.
Lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I heard someone playing back messages on the answering machine. One of the messages sounded like it was from Liz, but I didn't care. Liz had berated me for being concerned for Randy, and events had shown that I was right. Randy had been hurt, and hurt badly, trying to defend Adam. It was now up to Liz to come back to me.
“David, Liz called. She heard about Randy and wants you to call her,” Mum said from the doorway to my room.
After a moment of reflection, I stood up and went toward the door. Mum didn't move as she looked at me with concern, but as I waited sullenly, she stepped aside. She continued to watch me as I picked up the phone and carried it back to my room. Pointedly closing the door to exclude her, I sat down on the bed to call Liz.
She answered after only one ring, “Liz Richardson.”
Still angry at the way she had treated me, I spoke flatly, “Liz, its Stick.”
Liz was frantic. “Stick, Fee told me about Giant. She said that Aiden's dad decked him, and he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, blood everywhere. Aiden's dad was arrested and dragged off in a cop car. What happened?”
“Randy got between Mr. Trent and Ads. He's got a broken nose and probably concussion. They're keeping him in hospital overnight. He should be okay to come home tomorrow.”
“Thank heaven for that. Do you think he'll mind if I drop around tomorrow to see him? Can you let me know if they keep him in for another day?”
“Sure, Liz. I think he'll like that.” Pausing for a second, I added, “So you realise that you were wrong this morning?”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you that I was worried that Randy was going to get hurt because of Adam, and I was right. I've told Ads that I don't want him anywhere near my brother.”
“This isn't Adam's fault. It's Aiden's dad that went off his tree!”
“If it wasn't for Adam, he wouldn’t have had a reason to go off his tree and Randy wouldn't have gotten between them. It's all Adam's fault,” I yelled down the phone. “Admit it!” I demanded.
“Stick, calm down. You've frantic. We can talk about it when I come over tomorrow.”
“Fine!” I said through clenched teeth. “I'll expect to hear your agreement then, after you've had a chance to think about it. If you're not ready to agree, don't bother coming over.”
“Stick...” I heard faintly as I hung up the phone. If Liz wasn't ready to admit that Adam was putting Randy at risk, then I wasn't ready to talk to her.
The phone rang. Hesitating for a moment, I wondered if Liz was ringing back to apologise.
“David Johnson.”
“Stick, please don't hang up,” Liz responded.
“Is it Adam's fault?” I demanded.
“Stick, just calm down,” she began to plead. I hung up. I wasn't interested in a discussion.
The phone rang again but I didn’t answer it. As I was putting the phone back into its cradle in the hallway, the answering machine took the call. Not bothering to listen to who it was, I returned to my room. I didn't want to talk to anyone.
I shut my eyes and leant against the closed door. It wasn't late, but I felt exhausted. I started to strip off for a shower before going to bed.
“David, Liz is on the phone!” Mum called out.
If I didn't do something, I knew she'd keep calling me. Heading out of the room in only my basketball shorts, I walked down to where Mum was holding the phone.
“Here he is, Liz,” she said, before handing me the phone.
Silently, I took the phone, hit the button to hang up, and then gave the phone back to my mum. Not waiting to see her reaction, I went back to my room to get ready for my shower, hoping both of them would take the hint.
My shower was uninterrupted, so apparently the hint worked.
As I settled down to go to sleep, someone knocked on my door. Knowing there was no one in the house that I wanted to talk to, I ignored it.
“David,” my dad called. “I think we need to talk. Can I come in, please?”
Disgruntled, I got up. I contemplated just ignoring him, but I wasn't sure that would work. Opting for a frontal assault, I opened the door.
I stood there defiantly blocking the entrance, dressed only in boxer shorts
“Are you going to invite me in?” he asked, when I didn’t move aside.
Shaking my head, I crossed my arms and waited.
“Fine,” he said. “Before she headed back to the hospital with some stuff for Randy, your mum told me that you had hung up on Liz. Have you two had a fight? Is that what's upsetting you?” he asked gently.
I shrugged. I didn't think it was any of his business, especially not at that moment.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Okay,” he sighed. “We'll talk in the morning when you've had a chance to calm down and think things over. I'll let you go to sleep.”
As I lay down, my last vision before sleep took over was of Randy’s blood-covered face. I silently promised myself that I wouldn’t let that happen again.
The next morning I awoke feeling greatly refreshed. Glancing at the clock, I noticed that it was still early. As I lay in bed, having no reason to get up, I tried to sort out what is going on in my life.
First, I thought about the issue of my brother and me. We had been fighting for the last day, and I didn’t know how his stay in hospital was going to impact on that. Would it drive some common sense into him? I decided to remind him that on Friday night he had claimed that he’d be able to handle any physical abuse that came his way. Obviously he can’t, and I need to make sure he learns that lesson now, so it won’t have to be repeated later on.
I decided that the problem I need to solve, though, is his relationship with Adam. I’ve already told Ads that I want him to stay away from Randy, but how do I keep Randy away from Ads? I realised that the approach I need to take is to point out that at school Adam and I share a lot of classes, so I'm in a better position to watch out for him than Randy is. I expected that Mum would keep Randy restricted to the house for the day, so all I needed to do was to get Adam out of the house. Perhaps a trip across to see B1 and B2 would do the trick?
I felt sure Randy would bring up the issue of my attitude toward Adam. How would I handle that question? Maybe the best approach would be honesty. Yes, I have a problem with Adam, but that’s not as important as protecting my brother. If I have to take on a role of protecting Adam to prevent Randy from getting hurt any further, then so be it.
Was there anything else I needed to consider about Randy and Ads? Thinking for a while, I couldn’t come up with anything more. I knew that more things would probably come up, so I decided I would have to play it by ear. My guide would simply be that I would do whatever it took to keep my brother safe.
Next, my parents… or Liz? Shying away from the situation with Liz, I thought about my parents. Resentment surged through me at their attitude. Couldn’t they see that Adam was the cause of the harm to Randy? How could they be so protective of him? Yes, he needs somewhere to stay, and I can reluctantly accept that we can provide that for him, but does that mean he takes precedence over their son?
Dad said last night that they would talk to me this morning. I was not looking forward to that talk. I probably couldn’t maintain my silence, but I could try to keep myself to one-word answers. As far as I was concerned, they were not doing their job. They were supposed to protect Randy, and they were failing miserably at that. They couldn’t see that Randy was at risk of falling for Adam, and they were doing nothing to stop it.
Was there anything more I could do? Reluctantly, I had to admit that I didn’t think there was. As parents, most of the cards are still in their hands. All I could do was to try to keep Adam and Randy separated as much as possible.
Knowing it was going to be painful, I let my thoughts drift to the situation with Liz. Why did she have to come down on Adam’s side? Hadn’t I made it clear enough to her that these new problems are all his fault? I cringed when I recalled that I effectively told her that if she didn’t agree with me, then I didn’t want to see her. Was this really something I wanted?
Could I give up on my resentment and distaste for Adam, for Liz’s sake? If it weren’t for Randy, I would probably try, but I need to be responsible for him as well. I don’t want to have to choose between protecting Randy and staying with Liz. I suspect the conflict would be too much for me. I love Liz, and in a different but equal way, I love my brother. I don’t want to have to choose between them!
I decided that I needed to clear the air with Adam. Getting up and putting on a tracksuit, I moved quietly to the door. Opening the door a notch, I listened. I could hear noises from the direction of the kitchen, so at least one of my parents was up, and probably both. Careful to avoid any noise, I moved the other way to Randy’s room. Finding the door ajar, I looked inside and found Adam asleep in Randy’s bed.
Slipping inside, I shut the door and stood, watching Ads. His face was calm, but the telltale streaks on his face revealed that he had been crying during the night. Despite all that he had put me through, I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. He’s disrupting my life, and I’m struggling to cope with the changes, but what he’s been through so far is worse, far worse. It’s his misfortune that he has come between Randy, Liz and me. If it weren’t for that, I might be able to accept him. I still might, in the future, but at the moment he is the cause of my problems, and until they’re resolved, I can’t put my resentment aside.
Nerving myself, I slowly walked over and sat down on the side of the bed. Reaching out, I gently shook Adam’s shoulder.
“Ads, wake up. We need to talk,” I whispered.
“No, Dad! Please, not that! I’ll be good, I promise,” Adam murmured.
“Ads, wake up. It’s Stick. We need to talk.”
With a start, Adam’s eyes opened. For a moment, he didn’t appear to see me, but then his eyes focused. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he struggled up into a sitting position in the bed.
“David, what are you doing here?” he asked groggily.
“We need to talk about what happened to Giant, Ads. I don’t want that to happen again. Can we work together to make sure it doesn’t?” I pleaded. “Please?”
“Give me a sec?” he asked, still trying to wake up.
I silently watched as he rubbed his eyes and struggled to put himself into gear. Eventually glancing at the clock, he turned to me accusingly. “It’s only just after eight!”
“I know, but this can’t wait,” I replied.
“Okay. Start talking,” he grudgingly said.
“Randy was badly hurt last night. He was hurt because he was trying to defend you. I will do anything it takes to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Can we agree on that?”
“I don’t want anyone hurt, anymore that you do, but I don’t have any control over who’s going to take a swing at me!” Adam responded, starting to get heated.
“I know, but can we make sure that Randy doesn’t get caught it the crossfire again? He’s only fourteen, for God’s sake!”
Adam stared at me for a long moment. “And I’m only fifteen,” he finally answered, softly. His face reflected a pain that no teenager should have to bear.
My train of thought stopped dead. I had forgotten that even though we’re both in the same year at school, Adam is a year younger than me. He really does need help to cope with what he’s going through.
“Sorry, Ads, I keep forgetting that,” I mumbled an apology, looking down at the bed.
“I’m not as big as Randy, but since you and I share a lot of classes, I’ll promise to look out for you at school. If it’ll keep Randy from getting hurt again.”
In the silence that followed, I looked up to find Adam looking blankly across the room.
“So, you won’t do it as my friend. Only to protect Randy,” was Adam’s emotionless reply.
“I’m sorry, Ads, but I don’t understand you anymore. We might be friends again in the future, but now I’m just too confused.”
Turning back to me angrily, Adam spat out his reply. “You’re confused! What is there to be confused about? I’m still the same person you’ve known for years now. I haven’t changed. I’m just the poor guy who’s having his life ripped apart, and if that makes you so uncomfortable that you can’t stand me, then I don’t think you were ever my friend. I don’t even think you know what being a friend means!”
I moved back away from Adam, startled by the vehemence of his response. Too stunned to answer, I waited, as Adam continued.
“You’re concerned about Randy being hurt again, but what about me? Randy was only – what do the military call it? Oh, yeah – collateral damage! I was the target, and I’m going to continue to be the target. I don’t want Giant or anyone else to get hurt, but I know I need help. If Randy offers again, I’ll take any help I can get. He just might be enough to ensure that I don’t GET KILLED!” he finished, screaming.
“Please, calm down,” I interjected, frantically. “I’m offering to help. I’ll help in any way you want. Just please keep Randy out of it. Ads?”
“Don’t call me that again,” Adam growled at me. “Only my friends call me Ads. You’re no longer a friend, David, and that’s by your choice, not mine. Now get out of here. I don’t want to talk to you any more.”
“Ads…” I started to plead, but was quickly interrupted.
“My name is Adam, not Ads. Now get out!” he yelled.
As I stood up, the door opened and my dad looked in. Taking in the scene quickly, he motioned to me. “Come on, David. Let’s go.”
With a last pleading glance at Adam, which was met with a look of fury, I turned and followed my dad out of the room.
Dejected, I stopped outside of the room and looked down at the floor. What was I going to do now?
“David?”
As I looked up at Dad, he continued with a note of anger, “What the hell was that about?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but then recalled my decision not to talk to them. Closing my mouth with a snap, I shrugged.
Dad just stared at me. Glaring sullenly back, I stood my ground. I was not going to be the first to back off. Finally, Dad sighed and turned away.
“Your mum and I will expect to see you in the kitchen shortly. Don’t make me come back and get you,” he said, as he walked slowly back down the corridor.
I knew that putting things off wasn’t going to help, so I followed him.
Mum was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee as we entered the kitchen. Looking up concerned, she asked, “What was the yelling about?”
“David was in talking to Adam. He won’t say what it was about, but whatever it was clearly upset Adam,” Dad answered.
Turning to me, he pointed at one of the chairs. “Sit,” he commanded.
Seeing no point in fighting about unimportant things, I sat.
“Do you want a coffee or tea before we start?” Dad asked me. I was surprised at the polite tone. I had expected to be lectured. After a moment’s thought, I shook my head.
“Okay,” he sighed, before continuing. “You're obviously having troubles handling Adam’s being here. You're also apparently having some sort of fight with Liz. I’m guessing that the two things are related. Am I right?”
I looked at him, surprised that they had worked that out. Narrowing my eyes, I remembered that Liz had been speaking to Mum when she rang last night. I wondered what they had talked about.
“Am I right?” Dad repeated.
I nodded slowly.
Mum leant forward and looked at me. “David, if you have problems, we’re here for you to talk to. We don’t want this to cause you any trouble, but we can’t help if you don’t talk to us. Can you please tell us what is bothering you?”
Shaking my head, I looked down at the table. I knew that they wouldn’t kick Adam out, or forbid him from seeing Randy. If they wouldn’t do those things, I couldn’t see what they could do to help.
“David, this isn’t helping. I think you believe that Adam’s causing trouble. Can’t you understand that he’s not?” Dad pleaded.
“Then why is my brother in hospital?” I blurted out angrily, as I looked up at him. Realising what I had done, I slammed my mouth shut and stared back down at the table.
“Honey, Adam didn’t put Randy in hospital. That was Mr. Trent’s fault. You can’t blame Adam for that,” Mum said soothingly.
Yeah, sure. And Aiden’s dad had just waltzed onto the court because he wanted to deck someone for no reason. What sort of idiot do they think I am? I know all about cause and effect. Adam is the cause and my brother in hospital is the effect. It’s that simple.
“Adam is going to have it really tough over the next few months, if not years,” Dad stated. “There are a lot of people who just can't tolerate homosexuals. Most won't take it further than words, but a few, like Aiden's dad, will resort to physical violence. This is something that Adam is going to have to face for probably the rest of his life. Until he's capable of defending himself, he's in danger. We're going to try to speak to the school principal tomorrow, but the teachers can't be everywhere. Adam needs friends who can help head off trouble. What you need to be clear about is that Adam is not the cause of the trouble. He's only the target. The cause is the narrow-minded intolerance of those who can't see that he’s as much a person as anyone else.”
“That's what I was trying to tell you a few minutes ago, David,” I heard Adam say. Looking back to the entrance to the kitchen, I saw him leaning against the doorway. The way he was slumped showed clearly the exhaustion that he still suffered. It was easy to see that he hadn't been sleeping well.
As I started to digest all that had been said, we were startled by a knock at the back door. As he was already facing in that direction, Adam was the first to react, with a huge smile appearing on his face.
“Kelly!” he called.
Staying at the table, I watched Adam rush to the door to let his sister in. Wrapping both arms around her brother, Kelly's hug of welcome echoed the relief displayed on her face.
“Adam, I'm so glad to find you. I spent most of yesterday trying to track you down!”
Mum quietly interrupted the reunion. “Kelly? Please take a seat. Would you like a cup of tea or coffee, or maybe some toast?”
As she sat, Adam pulled out the chair next to her, and started asking questions.
“How's Mum? What's Dad doing? How did you find me? Are you okay?”
Laughing, Kelly interrupted, “Slow down, Adam! Why don't you give me a chance to answer some of your questions?”
The smiles and laughter dropped away as she started to answer Adam’s questions. As she did, she never let her eyes leave his face.
“Mum is not doing well at all. I saw her for the first time in ages on Friday night, and she looked dreadful. I think she's working too hard, and she’s heading towards a breakdown. Did you know that she's taken a second job? I've been avoiding home because of Dad, who I think is getting worse, if possible.” She looked down at the table, embarrassed. “I'm sorry, Adam. It was only on Friday that I found out that you were no longer at home. If I'd known that he was getting so bad that you had to run away, I would have done something to help.”
I was puzzled by the fear that Adam suddenly showed, until I realised what Kelly had just said. She thought he had run away. That meant she didn't know the real story.
“Kelly,” he started hesitantly, “I didn't run away. I was kicked out.”
“Kicked out? Has he gotten that bad?”
Watching closely, I saw both Mum and Dad give Adam encouraging smiles before he turned back to Kelly.
“He kicked me out because he'd found out that I'm gay.”
Kelly's face went blank for a second before she broke into tears. “Oh, Adam!” she cried, as she reached over and grabbed him in a hug. Still holding him, she said, “That would have sent him off the deep end. I'm so sorry. I just didn't know.”
As the two comforted each other, Dad caught my eye. Rising to his feet, he signalled to me that it was time to leave Adam and Kelly alone. Nodding my agreement, I quietly headed back to my room.
It had happened again. Just when I had thought I was getting a handle on what was going on, my thoughts and ideas were turned upside down. Dad was trying to tell me that Adam is only a victim. He isn’t the cause of the problems. That he’s probably going to be a target for abuse for most of his life. Is this really true?
I shook my head. It was getting too complicated for me. I needed to think about this more, but my mind was beginning to feel like mush. I still resented that Adam had put Randy in a position to get hurt, and that was something concrete I could hold onto. The rest would take time for me to sort out.
Lying down, I tried to work out what was really going on. My mind, however, was not co-operating. Too much had happened since Friday night. Eventually I gave up and decided I needed to think about something else for a change.
Sitting up, I thought for a moment and then smiled wickedly. I knew the perfect thing to deaden my mind. Pulling out Of Mice and Men, the book assigned by our English teacher, I began to read.
Sometime later, I was disturbed by a knock on my door.
“David?” I heard my mum call. “I'm about to head off to the hospital. Do you want to come too?”
“Sure,” I called out, as I dropped the book back into my bag. It was only when I was reaching out to open the door that I realised that once again I had forgotten that I wasn't speaking to my parents. Hesitating, I realised that the core of anger that had started the passive rebellion was gone – replaced with a well of confusion that was still disturbing my thoughts. Shrugging philosophically, I decided to see how things played out. If my parents were still going to be obnoxious, I could always go back to being silent.
As I headed down the hallway, I saw Adam and Kelly talking quietly in the living room. I wondered what spin that was going to put on the already confusing state of events. However, going to see Randy was more important to me at the moment. I had some things I needed to say to him, and the hospital would be a good place to do that.
Mum was really great on the trip to the hospital. Rather than talking about any of the issues of the day, she kept the conversation, or more precisely, monologue, to trivia and minor items. She gave me a detailed update on her preparations for a horse competition the following weekend, with interjections addressed at the callers to the talk back radio station she had on. Letting most of it wash over me gave me a feeling of normality that had been missing all weekend.
It was only as we pulled into the hospital car park that she finally raised the issue of the day.
“David, Randy might still be a bit groggy. Upsetting him isn't going to help his recovery. Can you please wait until later if you want to argue with him?”
Watching Mum as she backed the Land Cruiser into an empty spot, I weighed up her concerns against my need to have a heart-to-heart with Randy. Waiting until the car was parked and we were getting out, I decided to ask Mum for her advice.
“Mum, there are some things I need to talk to Randy about. Things to clear the air between us. But if I say them wrong he might get upset. That's what happened this morning with Adam. I was trying to offer my help, but it didn't come out right and he got upset.”
Mum paused after she locked the car. After looking at the hospital for a moment, she turned back to me. “We can take a few minutes before we go in, if you like. Would you like to sit down and tell me what you want to talk to Randy about?”
As I nodded my agreement, we headed to a raised garden bed at the side of the hospital. Sitting on the side, Mum waited patiently for me to speak.
Looking across the car park, I wondered where to start.
“On Friday night I told Randy that he could be physically attacked at school if he defended Adam too vigorously. He said that he was able to cope with anything that happened. Obviously, he can't. Aiden's dad proved that. I need to make sure he understands, as I couldn't handle him getting hurt again because of Adam.”
I turned my head to see my mum's reaction. She was leaning forward, resting her chin in her hands, with her elbows on her knees. I could see that she was contemplating what I had said.
When she didn't say anything, I continued. “I think he's getting too protective of Adam. He needs to back off a bit so he doesn't get too involved. I just don't want him getting hurt.”
Mum sat back up and smiled at me. “Getting too involved is something he learnt from you, David.”
“Huh?”
“How many sick animals have you brought home over the years? And how upset did you get when some of them had to be put down?” she gently reminded me.
“That's different!” I exclaimed, indignantly. “So I like animals and don’t like to see them in pain. What's that to do with Adam?”
“That's just one example of how much of a protector role you can take. You do it all the time. In fact, you're doing it now. You're trying to be Randy's protector against Adam, aren't you?”
Turning away, I looked down at the ground. I know I'm trying to protect Randy, but that's what brothers are supposed to do – protect each other. In a flash of insight, I recalled Randy's comment about brothers, from yesterday morning. He had called Adam his new brother. So what he’s doing is the same as me. The difference is that I don’t think of Adam as being my brother, so he isn’t the one I’m trying to protect.
Standing up, I looked back down at my mum. “Thanks, Mum. That's made things a lot clearer. I'll try to be careful about what I say. Can we go in and see him now?”
As we started to walk off, I put my arm around her shoulder – something I hadn't done for a long time. When she glanced up at me surprised, I smiled back my appreciation at her. We walked into the hospital.
Since we’re family, and Randy’s a minor, normal visiting hour restrictions didn't apply to us. We wandered down to the adolescent health unit, where we were stopped by one of the nurses on duty.
“Can I help you?” she asked politely.
“We're here to see Randy Johnson. He was admitted last night. He's in that room over there,” Mum replied, pointing.
The nurse smiled, “He's been moved. He's in room sixteen now.”
“Thanks!”
Room sixteen turned out to be a shared room. Another teenage boy occupied the other bed. The casts on his arm and leg showed clearly the reason he was in hospital.
As we entered, Randy looked up from the book he was reading. Excited, he put the book on the bedside table, and waved us over.
“Mum, Stick! How's things?”
“We're fine. Adam's sister, Kelly, showed up this morning. They were still talking when we left to come here,” Mum said, as she sat down in the chair next to Randy's bed.
As Randy turned to me, I examined him carefully. The bandage on his nose couldn't conceal the swelling, and his two black eyes gave him an almost surreal appearance. The delight that shone out of those eyes gave me hope that we could set our differences aside.
“Hi, Randy,” I said quietly, giving him a small, wry smile.
“Hi, Stick,” he echoed quietly. “I'm sorry.”
“You're sorry?” I was perplexed. “What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the one who's been a prick.”
“You told me that I'd get hurt, and you were right. I thought I'd be able to handle things, and the first person who tried something knocked me out.”
I had been stressing about this conversation, and now Randy goes and says it first. Feeling relieved, I sat on the edge of the bed.
“So, has the doctor told you when you're getting out of prison?” I asked him.
“The nurse said she'll be around sometime this morning. Hopefully that will be soon. Until then, I've got to stay here. There's a PlayStation in the games room around the corner, but I'm scared that if I go in there to play, I'll miss the doctor.”
The three of us spent almost an hour chatting about uncontroversial issues. I don't know if Mum and Randy were doing the same, but I made a careful effort to avoid talking about Adam, Liz, and the issues around them, except in passing. I didn't want to disrupt the renewed friendship with my brother, as I suspected that it was still fragile, and saying the wrong thing would bring back the rift between us.
Mum was allowed to stay while the doctor examined Randy, but I was asked to step outside. I paced up and down the corridor, wondering what I should do about Liz. Had I been too harsh in requiring her to admit that I had been right? I don’t like fighting with Liz, but she needs to understand how much my family means to me.
I still hadn't made any decisions when the doctor left Randy's room, but I rushed back inside. I instantly knew from Randy's triumphant smile that he was going home.
“Come on, let's get going,” I said excitedly.
“Slow down, David,” Mum laughed. “I have some paperwork to sort out first. Why don't you and Randy go find that PlayStation and I'll come and get you when it's all organised?”
“Can I make a phone call first?” I asked.
“Of course. Will you ring home and let your dad know as well? Tell him we should be leaving here in about thirty minutes,” Mum called out as she headed out of the room.
“Okay,” I said, as I moved over to the phone next to Randy's bed.
Randy looked at me quizzically. “Who are you going to call?”
“Liz,” I answered, and then stopped. Because I had hung up on her the night before, maybe she wouldn’t want to talk to me. Turning back to Randy, I added, “She heard from Fee last night that you had been taken away in an ambulance. She rang and asked about you. Maybe you can talk to her and tell her firsthand?”
Hesitating for a moment, he reached out for the phone. “Okay, Stick. I take it you and Liz are still fighting?” he asked quietly.
Damn him for being so perceptive. He's not usually that quick on the uptake. “Yeah,” I answered despondently. Sitting on the side of the bed, I waited for him to ring her, but he just stared sadly at me. “What are you waiting for?” I eventually asked.
“You'll either have to give me the phone number or dial it for me. I don't have her number memorised,” he reminded me gently.
Embarrassed, I dialed the number, and then left the room. I didn't want to hear what they discussed, just in case it included me.
I nervously waited for ten minutes before Randy came out. I watched him closely for any clues on what Liz had said. At first, he was looking down at the floor, but after a minute of silence, he looked up at me.
“David, you're a prick,” he stated flatly.
Cringing inside, I turned away. I was afraid that whatever Liz had told him had broken open the rift between Randy and me, and that anything I said would probably just make it worse.
From behind me, I heard Randy moving away. Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw him enter what must have been the games room he'd mentioned earlier. Deciding that we were probably better apart, I walked back into Randy's room. Noticing his gear scattered around the bed, I started to pack everything up. Unfortunately, that didn't take as long as I would have liked. Rather than go somewhere else, I slumped down in the visitor's chair and waited.
“David? What are you doing in here?” Mum asked, when she finally re-appeared.
I looked up to answer, but nothing came out. Finally, I just shook my head and slumped back down again.
She looked at me, perplexed. “Thanks for packing everything up, anyway. It's time we got moving. Where's Randy?”
“He should be in the games room.” I stood and picked up Randy's bag. “How about I meet you at the car?”
“Okay, David,” Mum replied hesitantly.
As I walked slowly to the car, I tried to work out, yet again, how everything had gone so wrong, so quickly. Everyone keeps telling me that it's not Adam's fault, but I can't help getting back to the fact that if he weren’t gay, it all wouldn't have happened. How can one small word – gay – have such a huge impact?
My mind was in turmoil as I waited for Mum and Randy.
I was silent during the trip home. Randy and Mum chatted away the whole time, but after I spurned Mum’s initial attempts to involve me, they just ignored me. I knew I was being childish, but the fear of what else might happen was crippling me. It seemed that all weekend I had been trying to think things through, but I was still confused. Maybe retreating for a while would give me breathing space to sort it all out.
When we got home, however, I started to panic. Trevor’s car was parked in the driveway, which almost certainly meant that Liz was also there. I just wasn’t ready to face her.
“Mum, I’m going down to the dam for a while. I’ll be back later,” I said, as we all got out of the car.
“It’s almost lunchtime. Why don’t you go after having something to eat?”
Glancing at Trevor’s car and feeling my stomach churn, I answered, “I’m not hungry. I might get something to eat when I come back.”
Before I could get away, though, Mum stopped me. “David, when was your last decent meal?”
My stomach shifted into growling mode, as I realised yesterday’s breakfast was my last big meal. Knowing that my body had given me away, I slowly turned back and walked towards the house. Dreading an encounter with Liz, I didn’t expect to be able to eat lunch, but Mum wasn’t going to let me get away without trying to feed me.
Letting Mum and Randy enter before me, I waited at the door.
“Liz!” I heard Mum say. “It’s good to see you. Hello, Trevor. How have you been?”
“I’ve been fine, Mrs. Castle, but Randy looks like he’s been in the wars.” I waited anxiously for Liz to say something, but I heard nothing. Letting my curiosity overcome my fear, I walked into the house.
The scene I found when I entered the kitchen wasn’t quite what I had expected. Liz had her face buried in Randy’s shoulder, as he gave her a welcoming hug. Adam, Brett and Brian were sitting at the kitchen table with shocked stares as they looked at the damage to Randy’s face. Trevor and Mum were standing near the sink. Both looked concerned, but it seemed that Trevor was staring at Liz, not Randy.
Trevor was the first to notice me. The switch from concern to anger was quick. If he was angry with me, then I knew things were not well with Liz. Resigning myself to the worst, I ran down the hallway.
“David!” I heard Mum cry, but I didn’t stop. Slamming the door shut after I raced into my room, I threw myself face down on my bed. I didn’t know what to do or what to think. When I heard a tentative knock at the door, I looked up.
“Stick? Can we talk, please?” Liz asked.
Sitting up on the edge of the bed, I stared at the door. Was this going to be the end of our relationship?
“Stick?” Liz pleaded, as she knocked again.
Getting up was hard. My arms and legs felt like lead as I carried a sense of dread to the door. Opening it, I saw Liz with her arm raised, ready to knock again.
“Come in, Liz,” I said glumly.
Glancing around as she entered, Liz moved over and sat on the side of the bed. Not wanting to risk upsetting her, I chose to use the chair at the desk. Sitting on it backwards, with my arms folded on the top of the chair and my chin resting on my arms, I sadly looked at my girlfriend. Possibly my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.
“What do you want to say to me, Liz?” I asked quietly.
Looking worried and puzzled, she slowly asked, “Stick, what’s happening between us?”
I felt like looking away, but I wanted to grab as many memories of her face as I could. I might not get many more chances.
“We’re fighting,” I said sadly. I didn’t want to be the first to mention the possibility that we might break up.
She waited until she realised that I wasn’t going to say anything more. I had put my foot in my mouth so often recently that I didn’t want to do it again, if I could help it.
“Is that all?” she asked.
Was she trying to get me to say it?
“I’ve done most of the talking recently,” I answered quietly. “I think it’s your turn to say what you think.”
She looked down at the floor as the silence grew. Just as I was reaching my breaking point and was going to say something, she started softly speaking.
“We’ve had some great times, Stick. New Years Eve at the Sorrento back beach was especially great.”
I remembered that night well. It had been a beautiful summer evening on the beach with Liz’s family, celebrating the end of the old year. Liz and I had disappeared into the sand dunes a little before midnight, and we had spent an hour or so of quality private time together before returning to the party. A magical night that I will remember fondly for a long time.
“But now we’re growing up. Real life is crashing in on us. The situation with Adam is driving us apart.”
So she felt it too. My only question was whether or not she wanted to let it drive us apart. I waited, afraid of what she would say next.
“I don’t want it to, Stick”.
My heart leapt. Things were going to be okay again!
“But you need to sort yourself out first”, she continued. “You need to understand Adam and what he’s going through.” For the first time since she had started talking, she looked up at me, pleading, “Help him, Stick. I know you can do it, but you’re not trying. You have a picture in your head of what he is that just isn’t true. Until you fix that, I don’t think the two of us will be able to keep going.”
My heart sank. She was using Adam as an excuse to break up with me. Sighing, I stood up.
“Okay, Liz. If that’s what you want,” I said dejectedly. Turning to stare at my desk, and the picture of the two of us from last Christmas, I added with a whisper, “I think it’ll be best if you leave now. I’m sorry.”
“Stick?”
“Please, Liz. Just go,” I said, not turning around. I didn’t want to see her walk out. It seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a minute of two, before I heard my door close.
I was standing by my desk, lost in memories of better times, when I was startled by a touch on my arm. I had been so distracted that I hadn’t even heard the door open.
“David, it’s time for lunch,” Mum said.
Nodding, I followed her back to the kitchen where she had laid out lunch. Dad, Randy, Adam, Brett and Brian had already started. Mum believes that people should serve themselves, so there was a wide collection of salad ingredients and a basket of fresh bread rolls. Adam and the twins were busy building huge salad rolls, but Randy was merely snacking on small pieces of meat and cheese.
“Randy, what’s wrong?” Mum asked.
“It hurts if I open my mouth too wide, so I can’t eat a roll. I’ll just graze on bits and pieces.”
Adam paused in the feeding frenzy and stared at me. “Maybe we should break David’s nose, too. It might help him keep his mouth shut for a change,” he said, sarcastically.
Everyone’s attention was immediately focused on Adam. The twins, in particular, looked surprised and a little uncomfortable.
“Adam! That was uncalled for. Apologise immediately!” Mum demanded.
“I’ve heard you say that to David several times this weekend, and he never has. Why should I?” he yelled back.
“While you live in this house, you’ll obey our rules,” Dad replied sternly. “We’ve been giving both you and David a lot of slack this weekend, but you’ve overstepped the mark, young man. Either apologise, or go to your roo... er... go to the living room until you’ve calmed down.”
Adam stared at me for a moment, before looking back down at his plate. “Sorry, David,” he muttered, grudgingly.
I thought Adam might be right. If I had kept my mouth shut a few times, things might have turned out better. Slumping down onto a spare chair, I started putting together some lunch.
In spite of Dad’s scolding, Adam was still in the mood to pick on me. “Liz said that you’ve broken up with her. Is that true?”
Staring at the lunch I was trying to make, I wondered what to say. I noticed that everyone had gone silent. Looking up, I found myself the centre of attention. Adam had an evil smile, but the twins had mirror imaged looks of concern. Mum half raised a hand, as if to interrupt, but dropped it as I watched. Dad was looking concerned, but made no effort to interfere. The distortions from the swollen nose and black eyes made Randy’s face unreadable.
“I suppose you could say that,” I forced myself to answer calmly. My stomach was churning, but I wasn’t going to give Adam the satisfaction of knowing he’d stung me.
“So, has this been building up for a while, or did you just dump her out of the blue?”
Mum interrupted. “Adam, don’t bait David. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, leave him alone.”
“Its okay, Mum. I don’t mind answering.”
Turning to face Adam’s smirk, I replied flatly, “One. I didn’t dump her, she dumped me. Two. It was sudden. Three. You’ll be happy to know that it’s all because of you. Congratulations, I don’t think you could’ve ruined my life any better if you had tried.” I had the pleasure of watching the smirk disappear from Adam’s face. It was the only pleasurable thing I felt – the rest of me was in pain.
In the silence that followed, I stood up and grabbed the salad roll I’d made. “I think I’ll eat this in my room. Bye, everyone.”
As I turned to leave, I saw Adam drop his eyes to the table. Brett and Brian were exchanging looks in one of their silent conversations. Mum and Dad just looked stunned. Randy was the only other person to move, rising to his feet.
“David, wait,” he said. His broken nose gave his voice a strange sound.
Without stopping, I answered sullenly, “If you want to say something, I’ll be in my room.”
Entering my room, I left the door ajar. If anyone wanted to come to me to talk, then okay. If Adam came, I was prepared to bite his head off. How dare he say that I’d dumped Liz!
Pausing in my rage, it suddenly struck me what he’d said. Liz had told them that we’d broken up. Had she said anything else? Had she told them the reason?
As I sat down at the desk to eat my lunch, I mentally withdrew my offer of protection for Adam at school. He hadn’t accepted it anyway, and I hated his guts too much now to help him.
I had finished eating and was sitting staring at the pictures of Liz and me on my desk, when I heard a knock at my door. Turning around, I saw Brian standing there looking uneasy.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“Sure,” I sighed, standing up. Offering him my chair, I sat down on the bed.
He sat down on it backwards, in an eerie repeat of the pose I’d taken when Liz was here.
“Stick, Liz told us some of the things that are going on between you two. If you want to talk, even if it’s just to get it off your chest, you can come to Brett or me at any time. You know that, don’t you?”
“Did Liz tell you why we’re fighting?” I asked.
“Just that it has to do with the way you’re treating Adam. She didn’t say exactly what. To be honest, she was really telling her brother – we were just in the room at the same time. She was really upset.” His embarrassment at having heard it was obvious.
So Adam knew before he started picking on me. That just strengthened my resolve to not help him out at school. It also confirmed that I was right not to trust him. I was furious!
“What did Trev say?”
Brian grimaced. “He said he was going to rip your fucking balls off. Liz held him back and asked him to take her home instead.”
Turning to look out the window, I sighed. Would telling Brian the full story help? Probably not. I didn’t think he’d understand. After all, he and Brett seemed to have accepted Adam pretty easily.
Turning back to look at Brian, I asked, “How come you and B1 aren’t concerned about Adam being a poofter? The first thing I heard you ask him after he told you, was whether or not he had a boyfriend!”
Brian looked up at the ceiling as he thought about the question. Without looking back down, he started to respond.
“I’m not really sure. We’ve known Adam for a few years now, but it was certainly a surprise to find out he’s gay. I think the answer is partly that we don’t think we have anything to fear from him. We trust that he won’t try anything with us, and even if he did, we’re sure he’d stop if we told him to. If he had a boyfriend, in a funny sort of way, that would make it even safer.”
He shook his head as he dropped his gaze back to where I was sitting. “I’m not saying this very well. Basically, it’s because we still think he’s a decent human being. As far as we can see, his being gay isn’t going to make any difference. It’s like if he told us that he had always been a stamp collector. It’s just something that won’t impact on us.”
As I started to reflect on what he was saying, he continued, “Having said that, we’ve advised him to not tell our parents. They’re both strong Catholics and I’ve heard Dad go a bit rabid on the subject of homos. How it’s a sin, and so on. Brett and I don’t think it is, so that doesn’t bother us, but we’re sure our parents would go ballistic if they knew. They will probably find out soon, anyway, but we don't think Adam needs to tell them.”
He looked at me with a question in his eyes, “You’ve got a problem with Adam being gay, don’t you, Stick? Will it help if you talk over your concerns?”
I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t think so, Brian,” I said softly. “That’s what started my problems with Liz. I don’t want to go through that again, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, Stick. Just remember we’re not far away if you want to talk.”
Still staring blankly upwards, I replied, “Sure, Brian. Thanks for the chat. I think it’s helped.”
“That’s what mates are for, Stick. I’ll leave you alone now. Brett and I have to get home.”
As I heard Brian leaving, I started going over, yet again, what my problem is with Adam. My first reaction to the news hadn’t been good, and I’m still ashamed about that. My only defense is that it had been a big shock and I'd reacted without thinking. I’ve grown up with jokes about poofters, and about how you have to watch yourself around them. Then there are the occasional comments I’ve heard at school from a few students and teachers, about how it’s a sin. Add in examples such as the news report last week about some guy molesting a twelve-year-old boy. Even the occasional TV show with gays in it often implies that they’re all sex crazy. I haven’t had any real-life experience with a homosexual to teach me otherwise. So when Adam told me he’s gay, I freaked out.
I’m over that now, I think. His being gay still makes me want to throw up, but Adam’s not acting gay, and has never acted gay, so I can ignore that part of him if I want to. As several people have said to me, he’s still the same person I’ve known for years.
So what’s my concern? I know it has something to do with Randy. Am I afraid that Adam is going to molest him? Turn him gay? Part of me says yes, and part of me says no. There is something there that is bothering me, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m just being a bit too protective of my younger brother. But is Randy mature enough to know where to draw the line with Adam?
Eventually I decided that I wasn’t getting anywhere. Needing some fresh air, and feeling a bit guilty about the chores that had been neglected all weekend, I changed into some old clothes suitable for working in the paddocks.
Walking past the living room, I saw Dad, Randy and Adam talking. “Dad, I need some fresh air, so I’m going down to check the fences.”
“Okay, David. Take your time. There’s no rush to do anything today. We’re having a roast for dinner tonight, so bring back an appetite,” he said, grinning.
Waving a hand in acknowledgment, I headed off to the garage. Picking up the electric fence tester, I headed down to the paddocks. Mum was busy with her horse in the first paddock, so I skipped that one and headed further down.
Testing the electric fence is monotonous. Stick one end of the tester into the ground, and then touch the other end to the electric tape. The tester then shows if there's a current going through the fence. If there isn’t, backtrack until the break or short is found.
I’ve tried convincing Mum and Dad to switch over to using a wire, which requires less maintenance, but they prefer to use the tape. They claim it’s easier for the horses and other animals to see, and easier to replace when needed. It’s also more flexible. They often use it to make temporary paddocks or to block off part of a paddock if they don’t want the animals to get in there. Of course it has a tendency to stretch, and when that happens, the wires inside the tape break and it needs to be either replaced or repaired.
Most of the time it’s the wind that stretches the tape, but occasionally a kangaroo gets caught up in it and stretches it before it gets away. We don’t have a strong electric unit, so it doesn’t cause any permanent damage, but you can still get a big shock if you touch it.
Normally I hate testing the fence but there are times when the fresh air and quiet atmosphere can be soothing. Taking my time, I fixed a couple of places where the tape had caught on the fence and was shorting out. There were also two places where the wires in the tape had broken. Marking those, I made a mental note to go back later to fix them. As they were in paddocks that were not being used, there was no rush.
I still had two paddocks to go when I noticed the storm clouds coming in from the west. Glancing around, I noticed that Mum had already gone inside. Picking up the pace, I quickly tested the far corners of the paddocks. When there is a charge there, the odds are that the rest of the fence is okay. If there wasn’t any charge I would have to keep checking. As it turned out, the fates were with me. Quickly moving back to the garage, I put the fence tester away.
Checking the time, I noticed that I’d been out for almost two hours. Normally I would’ve finished in an hour, but today I just hadn’t felt like rushing. Still reluctant to go back inside, I picked up a few carrots from the bin at the back of the garage and headed down to say hello to Mark.
Smiling as I watched him trot up to see me, I thought about how little it takes to make the horse happy. Feeding him a carrot, I moved to the side of his head and started scratching his chest.
“Hello, Mark. I’ve been neglecting you, haven’t I?”
Receiving a small nicker in response, and a nudge from his head, I gave him another carrot. I smiled at how eager he was. Mum had obviously been keeping him on a diet. He was keener than usual for the carrots.
“Mum’s going to a dressage competition next weekend at Yarrambat Park. If everything is still crazy, how about we go with her and have a ride around the park? She won’t let us do any of the cross-country jumps, but it’s still a nice place to ride. What do you say?”
I suspect the nudge I got in reply was more a request for another carrot than an acceptance of the offer. Still, I was sure he'd enjoy the ride if we went. He hadn’t been taken anywhere in a long time.
All too soon, the winds picked up and rain started to fall. Rushing back to the house before it got heavy, I felt calm after my time in the paddocks. I’m definitely more an outside person than an inside one. I still had a small smile on my face as I opened the door and when inside.
“Hi, David. Thanks for doing the fences,” Mum said as I took off my boots. She was sitting at the table, cleaning her horse's bridle.
“That's okay. I needed the fresh air.” I hesitated, then decided to ask her about the idea I'd had about next weekend.
“Mum, if things are still crazy next weekend, I may need to get out of the house for a while. Do you think you could take Mark and me with you to Yarrambat? A ride there is usually pretty relaxing.”
She looked up, surprised. “I don't see why not. Jacque and Mark have traveled together in the horse float before. You just have to promise not to try any of the jumps if there isn't anyone around.”
I gave her a huge grin. “Thanks, Mum. I’ll let you know near the end of the week if I still want to go for a ride.”
Smiling back, she said, “That's fine, honey. Now why don't you get changed and say hello to Scott. He's with Randy and Adam in the living room.”
“Break's here? I didn't see a car when I came up.”
“He and Chris came by to check on Randy. Chris had to go, but he'll be back after dinner to pick up Scott. Now go and get changed. You might want to take a shower, too!”
As I headed off to my room, I glanced into the living room. Scott was sitting on the couch next to Randy, with Adam slouched on a nearby chair, one leg hanging over the armrest. Everyone looked very relaxed and happy. Moving on before they noticed me, I was glad that Scott had come to visit. It's good that Randy gets to see how many people are concerned about him.
After a shower and a change of clothes, I was feeling good. While I couldn't be called happy, I felt relaxed and ready to start socialising again.
About to enter the living room, I heard Scott and Adam laughing, and stopped in the doorway. Scott was nestled in the corner of the couch, one leg stretched out along its length. Adam was still slouched in the same chair. Randy, on the other hand, was standing up, posing in front of the fireplace. “What's so funny?” I asked.
“Hi, Stick,” Scott said, still laughing. “Giant has just been trying to do Looney Toon impressions, and his broken nose is really making them hilarious.”
As Randy is not known for his impressions, I looked at him with raised eyebrows. When he gave a wry smile and a shrug in response, I grinned.
“I think they're better than they normally are,” he said.
“They certainly couldn't be worse,” I retorted.
“You have no taste!” he replied, indignantly.
“I know,” I responded. “After all, I like you.”
After struggling for a moment to come back with a reply, Randy gave up. Grinning widely, he conceded the exchange. “Okay. Maybe you have some redeeming features.”
Sitting down in the spare chair, I smiled. Things were getting back to normal with Randy.
We spent the next hour chatting like typical teenagers. With a conversation that ranged over movies, music, sport and school gossip, I'm sure Randy didn't notice that Adam and I never spoke to each other. We'd respond to comments by Randy and Scott, but neither one of us spoke or responded to the other. It looks like, by mutual agreement, that we will ignore each other as much as possible. I caught Scott looking strangely at Adam at times, when Adam wasn't watching, so maybe he had spotted something.
Our discussion was eventually interrupted by Dad calling from the kitchen.
“Randy, can you please set the table for dinner?”
“Okay, Dad!” he responded. As Randy headed out the door, Adam rose to his feet.
“I'll help, if you don't mind, Giant. I should start learning where everything's kept,” he said.
“Come on, then. It shouldn't take too long,” Randy replied.
After watching them leave, I turned back to Scott. He was still staring after the other two. I thought he looked concerned, but it was hard to be sure. I don’t know him well enough to pick up on subtle clues.
“Break, can we talk privately for a bit?” I asked.
Swinging his attention to me, he looked a little curious. “Sure, Stick. What do you want to talk about?”
“It's about Adam,” I said. “I'm still a bit concerned about him being a homo, and what it all means. You're his best friend. Did you have any clue?”
“Hell no! He’s never done anything to make me think he’s gay.”
“I didn't suspect either. It was a big shock when I found out,” I said. Leaning forward in the chair, I continued, “You were a bit shocked as well. You must have some reservations about him, too. Can you tell me what you think?”
Straightening up, he swung his leg down from the couch and looked down at the floor. There was a long silence before he replied.
“I think it was just that it came completely out of left field,” he began slowly. “It isn’t the sort of thing you expect to be told on the basketball court. It took me a little time to process it.”
Looking up at me, he continued, “I don't think I have any reservations. He's still my best friend, though this does change things a bit. I'm just not sure how.”
“But aren't you afraid that people will think you're gay too?” I asked.
He looked uncomfortable. I heard a note of fear in his voice as he answered, “Yeah, I'm concerned about that. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want people to think I'm gay. But I don't want to abandon Ads, either. Do you have any suggestions for that?”
“All I can think to do is ignore it. Even I'm going to catch it, as I'm sure that some idiots will link my breakup with Liz to Adam, and think it's because I'm gay. I'll deny it whenever it crops up, but I doubt that’ll stop the rumours.”
Thinking for a moment, I added, “If enough of Adam's friends stick by him, people would be stupid to think they're all gay. I just don't know how many will do that.” Looking away, I added quietly, “I know I won't.”
Scott was obviously surprised. “You won’t?”
“No. Adam and I aren't speaking. We've been fighting since he got here. Some of that is my fault, but he's rejected every apology I've tried. Some of it's his fault, and part of that is linked to his being gay. I don't really know how we got to this point, but I know it's partly because Liz and Randy are both involved. I suppose it gets down to the fact that I just don't understand Adam anymore.”
“What is it that you don't understand, Stick?” Scott asked.
As I tried to work out how to answer that question, Randy stuck his head in the door.
“Dinner time! Mum says to wash up, then come to the table.”
I didn't get a chance to continue that conversation with Scott. I wished I could have, as everyone I’d spoken to up to that point had added another perspective to the situation. If I get enough views, maybe I'll be able to sort out the mess.
Traditionally in our house, Dad cooks the weekend dinners. He happens to like cooking, and he’s pretty good at it. We usually have a roast every couple of weeks, so the dinner wasn't anything special. By the time we got to the table, Dad was putting down the tray of roast lamb slices. The roasted vegetables and the jug of gravy were already on the table.
Serving ourselves took care of the first few minutes of the mealtime. By unspoken agreement, the conversation was limited to safe matters; the weekend sporting results, schoolwork, and the upcoming basketball finals.
Near the end of the meal, a random remark from Randy sent my mind into a tangent. He mentioned that the police had interviewed him while he was in hospital. It was only then that I wondered how Aiden was doing. After all, it must be pretty devastating to have your dad arrested for assaulting one of your friends. I felt guilty that I hadn't considered it before, so I resolved to ring him immediately after dinner was finished. If his dad answered the phone I'd hang up, but otherwise I wanted to find out how he was doing.
After we'd put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, Randy, Adam and Scott returned to the living room. Telling them that I'd be along shortly, I grabbed the phone and retreated to my room.
Taking a deep breath, and crossing my fingers that his dad wouldn't answer the phone, I rang Aiden.
“Trent residence, Aiden speaking.”
“Hi, Aiden, its Stick.”
“G'day Stick!” Aiden replied. The pleasure in his voice was obvious. He wasn't keeping his voice down, so I knew he wasn't afraid of being overheard. “How's Randy doing?” he asked anxiously.
“He's quite happy at the moment. He's got a broken nose and two very black eyes, but he's otherwise pretty good. He doesn't appear to be in any pain.”
“That's good. Can you please tell him how sorry I am for what happened?”
“Sure thing, Aidy. Anyway, I was ringing up to see how you are. I haven't heard what happened afterwards, just that the police interviewed Giant at the hospital. Are you okay?”
“Things are pretty tense here,” Aiden said seriously. “Dad's still locked up. We can't get the bail money until tomorrow. Mum's such a wreck that she's staying with my aunt tonight. Because of school tomorrow, I convinced her that I was better off staying here, so I'm home alone at the moment. I just don't know what’s going to happen when Dad's released.” I could tell he was worried.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked. I didn't expect there to be, but there's no harm asking.
“No,” he answered sadly.
“What do you think is going to happen?”
There was a long pause.
“Aidy?” I asked.
I heard him sigh.
“Normally I'd say that it's none of your fucking business, but I suppose your family is all tied up in this now,” he said. “I'm pretty sure that Dad will pull me from the team. I can't see that he'll let me keep playing after this. If you could warn your dad, it'd be appreciated. What I'm worried about is what else he'll do.”
A sudden thought came to me. During one of last year's classes, we’d studied the topic of child abuse. Given that Mr. Trent had shown he is capable of assaulting a kid, and Aiden's customary reluctance to talk about his personal life, I wondered whether or not he was in danger. Given Aiden's last statement, I decided I had to ask.
“Uh, Aidy,” I started hesitantly, “I've got a personal question I need to ask you. I'll understand if you tell me to go jump.”
“What is it, Stick?”
“You said you don’t know what your dad will to do. Is there any chance he's going to take this out on you?”
The silence that followed dragged on for too long. If he wasn't worried, he would have answered quickly.
“Thanks for asking, Stick, but no, I don't think he'll take it out on me.” Aiden sounded distant, as if his mind really wasn't on what he was saying.
“I've got to go now. See you at school tomorrow.”
He hung up before I could answer. Knowing I was out of my depth, I went looking for my dad.
I found him in the study, working on the computer.
“Dad? Can we talk?”
He turned away from the desk and gestured towards the spare chair. “Sure, David.”
Sitting down, I nervously looked around the room, avoiding meeting Dad's eyes. I wasn’t sure how to say what was on my mind.
“I've just got off the phone to Aiden. I wanted to see how he was coping,” I started.
“That might not have been a smart thing to do,” Dad said gently. “What if his dad had answered?”
“I would've hung up. As it is, Aidy's at home by himself tonight. His dad's still at the police station and his mum's staying with his aunt.”
Not hearing a response, I glanced across at Dad. He was just sitting there, waiting patiently for me to continue. Looking down at my feet, I decided to give him the easy news first.
“Aidy said that he's expecting his dad to pull him from the team. He wanted you to know.”
“I sort of expected that. But it was kind of him to pass it on,” Dad replied, quietly.
Taking a deep breath, I looked up and met my dad's gaze. Nervously, I spat out the bad news.
“Dad, I was wondering if Aiden might be in trouble. His dad has already put Randy into hospital. What happens if he blames Aiden for what's happened? Do you think he might hit Aidy?”
Dad looked away. Holding his chin in one hand, I could tell he was thinking hard, and that it wasn't about happy things. After a minute of silent contemplation, he turned back to me.
“Thanks, David,” he said thoughtfully. “I don't know if your concern has any merit, and I sincerely hope it doesn’t, but I think I'll ring the police. This is a matter for them and the magistrate that set the bail. Hopefully they'll tell me it's already been considered, but there is no harm in alerting them.”
Rising to his feet, he smiled and added, “It was good of you to think of Aiden. I'm very impressed by your concern on his behalf. I'm proud of you, son.”
Relieved that it was now out of my hands, and appreciative of the compliment, I smiled in return. “Thanks, Dad.”
In a happier frame of mind, I joined the others in the living room. As I sat down in the only empty chair, Randy gave me a questioning look.
“David, who did you call?” he asked.
“Aidy,” I replied. “I wanted to find out how he's doing. He asked how you’re doing, and said to say he’s sorry.”
Randy looked surprised and a little guilty. “Thanks, David. I hadn't considered how Aiden might be doing. He's in the middle of his own family mess now, isn't he?”
“Yeah. He's expecting to be pulled off the team, but I think he's worried about what else his dad will do when he's bailed.”
Scott interrupted, “He's not bailed yet?” He sounded surprised.
“No. It seems they can't get the money required until tomorrow.”
I could tell from the grimaces on all three faces that none of them were looking forward to Aiden's dad getting out. No one, however, appeared to have anything to say on the matter.
Visibly shaking himself from whatever was on his mind, Scott turned to me.
“On a completely different topic, can I ask a favour, Stick?”
I was about to give my automatic response, that you can ask but I can't promise, when it struck me that Adam had started with the same question on Friday morning. My mouth temporarily frozen, I just nodded my head.
“The English test is coming up next week. Do you think you can help me study for it? We both know that you're a lot better at English than I am.”
Relieved that it was something as simple as that, I smiled.
“Sure, Break. And I want you to help me study for Computer Studies. Some of the things the teacher talks about just go straight over my head.”
“Deal!” he grinned in response. “I'll talk to Chris about bringing me over after dinner a couple of times a week. How does that sound to you?”
“Sounds fine to me. I'm pretty much free any night, since my parents won't let me get a job.”
“Why is that?” Scott asked curiously.
“Because we live so far out of town,” I answered, disgruntled. “Until I have my own transport, or can organise guaranteed rides, I'm not allowed to take a job. They don't want to end up being a taxi service on weeknights. At least not any more than they are now. I'm allowed to take a job during the day on Saturdays, but to make any sort of reasonable money, I'd have to work all day. That’d mean no basketball, so that's out as well.”
Showing his sympathy for my plight with a consoling look, he said, “Okay. I'll discuss it with Chris on the way home tonight and I'll let you know at school tomorrow what nights he can give me a lift.”
After a short silence, the conversation restarted on more neutral topics. We chatted away for almost an hour, before Chris showed up to take Scott home.
Knowing that continuing a conversation with Randy and Adam was going to be impossible while Ads and I weren't speaking, I excused myself and went to my room. It had been another long and eventful day.
Since just before lunch, I had walled myself off from anything to do with the breakup with Liz. Now, at the end of the day, I couldn't hold it in anymore. After eight months together, we had suddenly broken up. It wasn't as if this had been building up, so I could've prepared myself. Instead, because of Adam, we found ourselves staring at each other across a wide difference of opinion. One wide enough that we didn't appear to know how to bridge it.
Like a little boy, instead of the sixteen-year-old that I am, I cried myself to sleep.
I woke up the next morning still tired. With so much going through my mind, my sleep had been very disturbed. I don’t believe I managed to get more than two hours sleep at once without waking up.
It was going to be a tough day at school. Seeing Liz throughout the day, knowing that she’d left me, was going to be hard enough. But there were also going to be questions about the fight at the basketball game, and the allegations against Adam. The only positive thing that I could think of was that I wouldn’t have any time by myself to sulk. The day was going to be too busy for that.
Dragging my weary body out of bed, I went and had a shower. As the hot water eased some of the strain, and began to bring me back to normal, my mind slowly came back to life. All too soon, it was time to get out, get dressed, and face the horror of the day.
After getting dressed, I shuffled my way down to the kitchen. Not surprisingly, I was the first one there. Normally I wouldn’t have gotten out of bed for another fifteen minutes, but there I was, already showered and dressed.
My appetite was still pretty poor, but Mum had drilled into us kids from an early age that we must have a good breakfast. So, more from habit than a desire to eat, I poured out a large bowlful of cornflakes, added a sliced banana, and started eating.
That was the way Mum found me when she came inside. From the way she was dressed, I knew she’d been out feeding the horses.
“David! You’re up early,” she said, surprised.
“I had trouble sleeping,” I replied, tersely.
Taking off her jacket and hat, she watched me eat. She was obviously concerned, but she didn’t press me. Once she had put the jacket away, she moved over to the kettle.
“Would you like a cup of tea or coffee, David?” she asked.
“I think I’ll have coffee today. I need something to wake me up properly,” I replied after a moment’s thought.
As she made me a cup of coffee, she spoke to me over her shoulder.
“I know the original plan was for me to take you boys to school. Unfortunately, I need to take Randy to see the doctor this morning. So I’d like you and Adam to take the bus. I’m going to ring the school soon to tell them that Randy won’t be in, but I’d appreciate it if you could take the doctor’s certificate to the office for me.”
“Huh?” I said, looking up from my breakfast. I hadn't really been concentrating on what she was saying.
She sighed as she turned her head to look at me. “Randy’s not going to school today. I want you to take to the office the medical certificate that excuses him. Can you please remember to do that?”
“Sure, Mum.”
Well at least Randy is going to be out of it today. I had been hoping that would happen, but I didn’t know what the doctor had said to my mum about him. Returning to my breakfast, I thought at least one thing was going right.
As Mum put a cup of coffee in front of me, I wondered about the plans that had been made. I knew there had been a lot of discussion, but I didn’t recall hearing the final decisions.
“Mum, can you fill me in on what’s going to happen? I sort of missed out on what you and Dad are doing today.”
Sitting down with a cup of tea, Mum sat for a moment as she organised her thoughts.
“Randy’s getting hurt has messed up a lot of the plans. I’m taking him to the local doctor for a final checkup. Hopefully, he’ll be cleared to go back to school tomorrow. As for Adam, your dad is getting some papers drawn up by a lawyer friend to appoint us as guardians. We’ll try to get those signed by Adam’s parents today. We’ll then be able to take those to the school tomorrow.”
Looking worried, she continued, “What we’re most concerned about is what might happen today. We don’t know if we should say something to the school now, or wait until we see what sort of reception Adam gets. Because we’re not his guardians, yet, we think we’ll have to wait until something happens.”
Pausing, she caught my eye. “David, if Adam gets hurt today, we need you to tell the school the situation. Adam doesn’t need the school ringing his parents and getting his dad on the phone. That would only cause trouble.”
As I finished my breakfast, I thought about what she’d said. It didn’t sound like there had been that much change. All they've done is put off telling the school what is going on.
Adam came in while I was making myself another cup of coffee. After a quick glance, we ignored each other. I tuned out while Mum spoke to Adam. I just wasn’t interested in what she had to say to him.
The time until we caught the bus went by too fast. Before I was really ready, Mum was driving us down to where the bus would pick us up at the end of the road. All too soon, our school bus showed up. We are one of the earliest pickup stops, so I wasn’t surprised to find the bus almost empty. There were a couple of younger students at the back and a year 12 student sitting in the middle. None of them did more than glance at us, so it looked like they hadn’t heard any gossip. I had let Adam board first, so I could see where he was going to sit. Noticing him sitting down at the front of the bus, behind the driver, I moved down to the back. I wanted to make it clear to him that he wasn’t going to get any support from me.
As I sat down in front of the younger kids, one of them leant over the back of the seat.
“Hey, Stick, where’s Giant?” he asked.
Turning to look at him, I responded, “Mum’s keeping him at home today. He broke his nose in a fight at the basketball game on Saturday.”
Startled, he sat back. I hoped that would hold off any speculation about Randy for a while. While fights at basketball are pretty rare, they do happen, so the story is believable. The fact that it’s true, if misleading, doesn’t hurt either.
As we continued on our way, I kept an eye on each person who boarded. It wasn’t that I was going to help Adam out, but I wanted to know what was going on. Most of them didn’t react to Adam’s sitting at the front, apart from the occasional questioning glance. After all, he wasn’t normally on this bus. Rick, one of the Steels Creek team, was the only one I saw react. He stopped dead, surprised, just as he entered the bus, and it was only the pushing of the people behind him that got him going again. He gave Adam a few glances over his shoulder as he moved down to the middle of the bus, but otherwise didn’t do or say anything.
Getting off the bus at school, I found Adam standing there, waiting for me. Looking concerned, he moved to intercept me as I headed off towards the school buildings.
“David, …” he started.
Not stopping, I interrupted flatly, “Get lost, Adam. You made your position quite clear yesterday, so now you’re on your own.”
“David, please wait. I’m sorry about what I said. I need some help here.”
Stopping in my tracks, I turned to him. A cold anger made me spit out my reply.
“Well that’s just too fucking bad. I may stay around to watch, but I’m not going to interfere. You’ve stuffed up my life enough. I won't give you a chance to wreck it further.”
Moving off again, I ignored the pleading he kept up. When I saw Liz up ahead, I stopped again. I couldn’t find the nerve to walk past her. As she looked up and saw me, I quickly decided to get out of there. Changing direction, I headed around the side of the school. My intention was to get to my class from the opposite direction, hopefully avoiding a confrontation with Liz. I noticed as I moved away that Adam didn't follow me. A quick glance back showed his dejected figure beginning to slump off towards the classrooms.
My first class was English. In many ways, it was going to be the worst class of the day for me. It was the only time that I would be in the same room as both Adam and Liz. Normally it’s my favourite class. The teacher, Mr. Landsmith, is an entertaining man who controls his class by making it interesting to practically everyone. Today, however, I expected it to be difficult. Steeling myself for the reception I was going to get, I headed to the room. Deliberately not going to my locker, I was hoping to avoid anyone who might try to waylay me there. I knew I would have enough time between my first two classes to use my locker.
Arriving at my English class about ten minutes early, I quickly looked around to see who was already there. Spotting Adam, but not Liz, I moved to an empty seat at the back of the room. Adam watched forlornly as I sat down, but made no move to approach me. A few other classmates looked at me, perplexed. It was only then that I realised that I’d made a mistake. Normally I sit in the middle or front of the class, so by sitting at the back I was advertising the fact that something was wrong. Accepting that it was too late to change, I pulled out my copy of Of Mice and Men and began to read. I didn’t really see what was on the pages, but it served its purpose of preventing conversation.
Watching as the other kids came in, I saw that a few were obviously choosing seats away from Adam. Most, however, paid no attention to him.
When Gary came in, he glanced across at Adam, but came straight over to me.
“G'day, Stick! How's Giant doing?” he asked, as he sat down in the chair next to me.
“Mum's keeping him at home until the doctor says he can go back to school. He's pretty chirpy, but he looks awful. Mr. Trent really messed up his face,” I answered.
“I'm sorry. I wanted to come over yesterday, or at least ring, but it was the day I was with my dad, and he took me up to Daylesford. He didn't drop me back home until late,” Gary explained. I had wondered why we hadn't heard from him, but with his parents divorced, he doesn’t get a lot of chances to spend time with his dad.
“That's alright, Gazza. I'll let him know tonight when I get home.”
Looking over to where Adam was sitting, Gary asked, “What's up with Ads?”
“Adam and I aren't speaking. It's a long story and I don't want to go into it.” My voice started to catch as thoughts of Liz took me by surprise.
Gary looked puzzled for a second, but then a look of sympathy crossed his face. “Liz, huh?” he asked gently.
Not trusting myself to speak, I just nodded.
Giving me a chance to settle myself, Gary turned away and started pulling out his books. He could sense that I wasn't ready for a chat.
With the typical surge of late arrivals, I saw Liz come in. Ducking down and lifting up my book, I avoided any chance of eye contact. I certainly didn't want it to appear as if I was inviting her to come and talk to me. After a short pause, I looked up from my book to find Liz sitting near the front of the class, where she normally sits. She was looking anxiously at the door, as if expecting someone, when Adam got up and spoke quietly to her. The way her head spun around to stare at me made me realise that she had been looking for me. Ducking my head back into my book, I couldn't work out if that was good or bad.
I managed to get through that class without too much stress. I kept catching pained looks from Liz until Mr. Landsmith told her to keep her attention to the front. Meanwhile, I was trying to plot my escape. It was looking like Liz wanted to speak to me. About what, I wasn’t exactly sure, but I knew it would be painful.
When the bell rang to signal the end of the period, I quickly grabbed my bag and pushed my way to the door.
“Stick, wait up!” I heard Liz call out, but steeling myself, I ignored her. I had just reached the corridor when I felt a hand grab my arm. Glancing back, I saw Liz’s anxious look.
“Let go, Liz,” I said quietly. I struggled to keep myself under control. I felt like bursting into tears from the pain at being so close to her. I couldn’t let that happen.
With other students pushing past us, many showing their irritation, I moved off away from the door, Liz still hanging onto my arm.
“Liz, I said let go!”
Letting her hand drop, Liz asked, “Stick, can’t we talk about this?”
“I thought we talked yesterday. What’s changed?” I replied, letting some of my anger at the world start to show. Liz was just the only target in sight.
“Stick, don’t be angry,” she pleaded.
“Why the fuck shouldn’t I be angry?” I said in a low, heated voice. “Between you and Adam, nothing is going right. I don’t think I can take any more. If you want to fix things, then go ahead. Just don’t expect me to do any fixing.”
Not waiting for a response, I headed off to my locker, leaving Liz behind. I should just have enough time before the next class to dump my excess books.
I’ve always struggled with maths, but I think I hit new lows. By the end of the class, I couldn’t remember a thing that had been taught. With my mind constantly wandering over the events of the weekend, the concentration required for trigonometry just wasn’t there. Adam and Scott were in the class, but at least I didn’t have to share it with Liz. I couldn’t stand another confrontation with her. A few students made obvious moves to avoid sitting near Adam, but I didn't hear any comments. The whispers and glances in his direction, however, increased as the class went on.
When the lunchtime bell rang, I quickly picked up my books and started to leave. Halfway to the door, I saw one of our classmates stop Adam. A regular member of the school soccer team, Peter Papadopolous is a popular student. We tend to have different circles of friends, but with both of us being sports mad, we cross paths every so often.
“Adam. There’s a rumour going around that you’re gay,” Peter said politely.
Besides me, half a dozen other students stopped and waited for Adam’s answer.
“So I believe,” Adam replied, evasively.
“Any truth to the rumour?”
Adam glanced around at the waiting students. His gaze rested on me for a second, before returning to look at Peter.
“Yeah, it’s true. Do you want to make anything of it?” he answered defiantly.
I heard a couple of gasps, but my eyes were fixed on Adam and Peter.
“Not really,” Peter said, though a look of disgust briefly crossed his face. “Do your parents know?”
“My dad's kicked me out of home. Does that give you an idea on whether or not they know?” Adam replied sarcastically.
“Holy shit!” Peter exclaimed, shocked. “That’s pretty bad. So where are you staying?”
“The Johnsons’ place,” Adam replied, glancing over at me. “Randy and his parents have been really great about everything.”
After thinking for a moment on what he had been told, Peter said, “I should warn you that I heard someone say that Luke’s looking for you. You might want to make yourself scarce at lunchtime.”
With a look of gratitude, Adam replied, “Thanks, mate. I really appreciate it.”
Luke Williams is an eighteen-year-old thug. Strong on muscles and low on brains, he trades on intimidation. School bullying rules keep him under control most of the time, but occasionally he cuts loose. When he does, if you’re the target, the smartest thing to do is to run as fast as you can.
As I was about to head off, Peter turned to me.
“Stick, I think it’s great what you and your brother are doing. No one deserves to be kicked out of home, even if he's a homo,” he said.
I started to answer when the mention of Randy prompted my memory about the doctor’s certificate.
“Shit!” I exclaimed.
Peter looked surprised. “What?”
“Sorry. I just remembered something I was supposed to do earlier. I’ll see you around, Pete. I’ve got to run.”
Running down to the school office, I thought about Peter’s reaction. As one of the more popular kids in our year, he’s got a lot of influence. If he’s okay with Adam, then there might not be too much trouble. Of course, there are always the Lukes of the world, but maybe Adam can just avoid that type until something else takes their interest.
Arriving at the school office, I found an older student I didn't recognise sitting there. The front desk was unattended, though I could see a couple of adults working at the back of the office, so I sat down and waited for someone to show up. A quick look through the magazines on the table by the chairs revealed nothing worth reading. Sighing, I resigned myself to being bored while I waited.
After about five minutes, the outside door was flung open. Looking up, I was shocked to see Aiden’s dad marching in. The fury on his unshaven face seemed to complement the wrinkled and stained clothing he was wearing. It looked as if he had come straight from the police cells where he’d spent the weekend.
Slumping down in the chair, I prayed that he wouldn’t look in my direction. Luck was with me as all he did was march up to the desk and start yelling.
“Where is the fucking principal? I want to see him now!”
The other kid and I exchanged glances. We weren’t used to seeing an adult in such a towering rage.
“Where is he? I fucking demand to see him, fucking now!”
The door to the principal’s office opened, and Mr. Pitt strode out.
“I’m Mr. Pitt, the principal. Please mind the language, sir!” he demanded sternly.
“I’ll fucking say what I fucking want! I’m here to take my son away from this bloody ridiculous excuse for a school.”
He’s going to do what? I just stared at him. Aiden had been afraid of what he might do, but I don’t think he expected this.
“Would you care to step into my office to discuss this?” Mr. Pitt’s reply was cold. Whether that was from the language being used, or from the man’s opinion of his school, was hard to tell.
“No, I fucking don’t. All I want is for you to get my son here, so I can get him away from the fucking faggots you’re keeping here.”
“I think this is best discussed in my office, sir. If you’ll come this way,” Mr. Pitt said, moving aside and gesturing for Mr. Trent to precede him into his office.
“There’s nothing to fucking discuss. I want my son away from that fucking faggot Adam Kennedy and his fucking boyfriend, Randy Johnson. You get him here now, so I can take him somewhere fucking decent.”
I looked, stunned, at the other kid. His eyes were round as he looked back at me in surprise. Aiden’s dad had just told the kid and half the school office that my brother’s gay. I tried to jump up and deny the accusation, but the memory of Mr. Trent decking Randy was too fresh in my mind. My body just didn’t want to co-operate.
Forcing myself out of the chair, I slid to the door and slipped away. Running out into the yard, I started looking for Aiden. I needed to tell him what I had overheard, as soon as I could.
Scanning our usual lunchtime places as I ran, I eventually found Aiden, Scott, Adam, and surprisingly, Michael O’Conner, sitting on one of the benches down by the outdoor basketball court.
As I ran up breathless, everyone looked at me. Adam looked away immediately, but Scott and Michael stood up to give me room to sit down. Waving them off, I rested my hands on my knees and took a few deep breaths.
Looking up, I ignored everyone else and spoke directly to Aiden. “Your dad’s in the school office.”
Fear swept over Aiden’s face.
Before he could say anything, I added, “He wants to take you out of school. He’s saying it’s to get you away from Adam and Randy.”
Adam interrupted, “Why Randy? I can understand me, but why Giant?”
I looked at him with disgust. “He called Randy your boyfriend. This is what I’ve been afraid of. The rumours are going to start now that my brother’s gay.”
Turning back to Aiden, I continued, “Mr. Pitt doesn’t seem to be too impressed, but I don’t think he’ll have any choice. I think they’ll be calling you on the PA soon. I thought you should know.”
Right on cue, we heard the PA system come on. “Aiden Trent to the office. Could Aiden Trent please go to the office immediately?”
“Thanks, Stick,” Aiden said softly, as he picked up his bag. His air of dejection was apparent to all of us.
“I’ll go back with you. I still need to hand in the doctor’s certificate for Randy,” I said. Receiving a faint smile in response, I picked up my bag and started keeping pace with Aiden.
I was surprised when Michael also joined us, walking on the other side of Aiden. When I glanced across at him, he smiled back. “My dad will want to know what’s going on. You should have heard him yesterday morning after he finished his shift at the station. He thinks Mr. Trent is a right old loon.” Looking apologetically at Aiden, he added, “Sorry, Aiden. I didn’t mean to insult your dad.”
Staring straight ahead as he walked, Aiden replied distantly, “That’s okay, Michael. I know what he’s like.”
I started getting nervous. Aiden clams up at times, but this was different. It was almost as if he had resigned himself to some dreaded fate. He was falling into himself, hiding his emotions. By the time we got to the office, he could have been a robot.
I bravely entered first. As I stepped to the side to let Aiden and Michael enter, I took in the scene in front of us. Mr. Pitt had been joined by the vice principal, Ms. Ng. Though shorter than most of the students, Ms. Ng carries a presence that could dominate any situation. Rumour has it that she has a black belt in Judo, though no one has ever claimed to see her use it.
Mr. Trent’s military background was obvious in the way he stood stiffly, with his arms held firmly behind his back. You could imagine that he was standing waiting for an officer to come along and give him orders to go and kill.
Sneering at me, he dismissed me from consideration as soon as he saw Aiden. He jerked into action immediately.
“Right, son. Grab your gear. I’m taking you home,” he said as he went to seize Aiden by the arm.
“Not so fast, Mr. Trent,” Ms Ng stated calmly, as she moved to stand between Aiden and his dad. “We have a legal obligation to not release Aiden unless certain circumstances are met. At the moment, you have not demonstrated sufficient need. If you would care to come back to my office, we’ll complete the paperwork required before you can take Aiden out of here.”
Aiden’s dad looked down at her with disdain. He tried to stare her down, but her calm expression never wavered. Mr. Trent was the first to crack.
“Bloody hell. Let’s get it over and done with it. I’ve wasted enough fucking time as it is.” Turning back to Aiden, he issued his orders. “Go get your stuff. You can leave the schoolbooks; you won’t need them again. I’ll be back soon.”
Realising I only had one chance, I grabbed Mr. Pitt by the arm as he started to follow the other two adults to Ms. Ng’s office. Startled, he looked at me before frowning.
“Young man, …” he started.
“Please, sir,” I interrupted in a low voice, “I need to speak to you urgently about Mr. Trent.”
He stared at me, as if to divine what it was that I was going to tell him. Putting on my most pleading face, I mentally prayed for him to listen. He glanced down the corridor to where Ms. Ng stood by her office door, looking back at us, before waving at her to continue without him.
“Come into my office. This had better be good.”
This was the first time I had been in the principal’s office. In normal circumstances, I would have felt intimidated, but this was anything but a normal time. Standing nervously by the chair in front of the desk, I waited for Mr. Pitt to settle into his chair.
“Well? Perhaps you can start by telling me who you are,” he demanded.
“I'm David Johnson, sir. Mr. Trent has just been released from police custody for the assault of two kids on Saturday night: Adam Kennedy and my brother, Randy Johnson. I’m afraid that he might take out his frustrations on Aiden. All I’m asking is that you check with the police before you let him take Aiden away.”
As he sat there, staring, I felt compelled to fill in the silence.
“Randy ended up in hospital, and is still at home now. I have the doctor’s certificate with me that excuses him from school today. He’s got a broken nose and he had concussion.” I was starting to babble, but I couldn’t help myself.
Reaching over the desk and holding out his hand, Mr. Pitt finally spoke. “Can I see it, please?”
He opened the envelope and read the contents quickly. Still reading, he picked up the phone and dialed a short number.
“Jeni, it’s Rob. Keep him there as long as you can. I need to do some checking before we let him take his son away.” After a short pause, he said, “Okay,” and hung up.
Looking up at me, he said, “Thank you, Mr. Johnson. You can go now. I’ll see what I can do.”
Before I was out the door, he was on the phone again. “Sally, please get me the Yarra Glen police station straight away.”
Closing the door behind me, I looked over to see Michael waiting nearby, watching me quizzically. Aiden was nowhere in sight, so I guessed he was out following his dad’s orders. I grabbed Michael by the arm and took him out into the corridor.
“Michael, how much do you know of Mr. Trent’s bail conditions?”
Looking surprised, he answered, “Not much. Dad doesn’t normally tell me details like that.”
“Damn,” I said to myself. Seeing Michael’s perplexed look, I added, “I was hoping there would be bail conditions that would mean that he wouldn’t be able to take Aiden away.”
Looking down the hall and seeing Aiden approaching, Michael said quietly, “I doubt they would do that unless there was a past history of assaults. I don’t think there is.”
Standing there silently, both lost in our thoughts, we waited for Aiden to reach us. When he did, he dropped his bag and grabbed me in a bear hug. “Tell Giant I’m sorry. Sorry for what happened, and sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye. Look after Giant and Ads for me, will you, Stick? They’re both going to need you.”
Shocked by the sudden display of emotion from the usually reserved Aiden, all I could do was nod my head. I didn’t really comprehend what I was doing.
Releasing me, Aiden reached out and shook Michael’s hand. “Thanks, mate, for being here. And thank your dad for Saturday. I think Dad could have killed one of them if your dad hadn’t stopped him.”
“Sure thing, Aiden. No problems.”
Butting in, I asked, “Do you want us to stay until your dad’s finished with Ms. Ng?”
“Thanks anyway, but no. Just go, please,” Aiden insisted.
I glanced at Michael and saw that he agreed. We said goodbye to Aiden and headed off to where we had left Adam and Scott. We walked in silence, but I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to say much, anyway.
First it was Randy in hospital, and then Liz breaking up with me. Now it was Aiden being taken away. What else was going to happen because of Adam?
When we got back, we found that Peter had joined Adam and Scott. Adam was in the middle of telling the story of what had happened since Tuesday night. Stopping, he looked questioningly at Michael and me.
“I've told the principal about Saturday night, and asked him to check with the police before they let Mr. Trent take Aiden out of school. It's up to them now.” My lack of enthusiasm showed what I thought the chances were of Aiden staying.
Nodding his thanks, Adam resumed his story. Giving a quick recount for Michael's sake, he picked up from where he had stopped.
Tuning them out, I felt myself fill with anger. I wanted to turn the anger on Adam, but at the bottom of my heart I knew that it wasn’t all his fault.
“There’s the poofter!”
Startled back to reality, I looked up to see Luke Williams and two of his cronies approaching. Because of the volume behind Luke’s comment, we were suddenly the centre of attention of all the kids in the area. Glancing at my watch, I saw that we had fifteen minutes to go until the end of lunch. Being saved by the bell wasn’t going to happen here.
“We don’t like faggots hanging around here, do we, boys?” Luke sneered, as he stared at Adam.
Adam was frozen on the bench, staring at Luke. Scott had slid off the side of the bench and was tugging on Adam’s arm, trying to get him to move. I was surprised, though, at Peter and Michael. As if they had practiced it, both stood up in unison and crossed their arms nonchalantly as they looked back at Luke. He would have to go through them to get to Adam. The fact that they could appear so unconcerned was amazing. Not only were they outnumbered, but their older opponents outweighed them by a lot.
“You can always go somewhere else, Luke,” Michael drawled.
“Hey, fellas, it looks like the cocksucker is pretty good. He’s already got two satisfied clients,” Luke called back to his two friends. I had seen them both around before, but I had never found out their names.
Frowning, Peter asked, “Why don’t you just leave him alone?”
Luke leant forward, “Because I fucking hate poofters, that’s why.”
Smirking, he added, “Do you really think you’re going to stop us from teaching him a lesson? It’s three of us against only two of you. Don't expect the faggot to fight, he might break a nail.” His two cronies laughed at the feeble joke. I should've expected that their mentality would match Luke’s.
At that point, there was a disturbance in the crowd that had surrounded us. Hoping to see a teacher, I was disappointed when Ian Ashton pushed his way through and stood between the two groups. The ruck-rover for the school's Aussie Rules football team and the local Yarra Glen football club, his solid build gives him the appearance of a brick wall. A year 12 student, he moves in different circles than me and my friends.
After looking at Michael and Peter for a moment, he turned to Luke.
“Get lost, Williams. You’re not touching them,” he said firmly. Luke’s surprised expression showed his confusion at this turn of events. I could understand. It was not what I would have expected from a football player.
“Out of the way, Ashton. This ain’t your business. We just want to show the poofter what we think of him.”
“I’m making it my business,” Ian growled. “You leave Adam Kennedy alone. If I hear you’ve touched one hair on his head, you’ll find yourself picking up teeth.” Taking a half step towards Luke, Ian raised his fists, ready to fight.
Looking a little uncertain of himself, Luke backed up. After a quick glance around at his friends, he looked past Ian to where Adam had dragged himself to his feet.
“You’re dead, Kennedy. Sometime, somewhere, you’re going to get it.” Turning his back, he continued, “Come on you two, let’s get out of here.”
After watching Luke and his cronies disappear, Ian glanced around at the crowd.
“The same applies to everyone. Anyone touches Adam and I’ll break their teeth. Got it?” he stated forcefully.
Looking slightly amused, he watched as Adam tried to sort out what had just happened. “I heard a little while ago what you said at the end of your maths class. When I found out that Luke Williams was out to get you, I followed him here,” he explained.
Turning to face Michael and Peter, he extended his hand. “Thanks, guys, for standing up for Adam. It takes real guts when you're outclassed. If you think you need any help in the future, let me know.”
As he shook their hands, I was amazed. Why was Ian doing this? As far as I knew, before today he had never even spoken to Adam. Now was acting as his guardian angel.
Standing up, I asked, “Why are you doing this, Ian? What’s it to you? He’s only a fucking homo.” I ignored the shocked looks that Peter and Michael gave me. They hadn’t been through the weekend that I had.
Ian walked over and glared at me. His physical presence and obvious anger made him loom larger than I would have expected.
“Do you want to know why I'm defending him? If you sit down and shut up, I'll tell you,” he growled.
“Okay,” I replied nervously as I sat down.
“Last summer, I made a comment like yours to my mum,” he started. His anger was evident by the intensity of his voice. “She said if that was my attitude, then it was time for some re-education. The next day she dragged me into work with her. In case you didn't know, she works as a palliative care nurse at a hostel in St. Kilda.”
He paused, then growled, “Do you even know what that means?”
“Uh... no?” I answered hesitantly.
“Palliative care is looking after people who are dying,” he explained tersely. “It's treating them so their last days are spent with as much dignity and as little pain as possible. Most palliative care nurses work with the aged, but my Mum specializes in working with AIDS patients.”
“AIDS? The poofs’ disease? They probably deserve it, anyway,” I said with derision.
Ian's face convulsed with rage as he grabbed my shirt and pulled my face up to his.
“Really?” he raged, getting louder as he continued. “Did the thirty-year-old girl who got HIV when she was raped by her boy friend when she was sixteen deserve it? Did the twelve-year-old who got HIV before he was born because his mum shared a drug needle deserve it? Or the guy who got it at a tattoo parlour that used dirty needles? Yeah, many of the patients were gay, but you know NOTHING about them. How dare you say what they do or don't deserve!” he yelled.
He pushed me back down as he stepped back. Stunned by his fury, I stayed silent.
“What I saw there opened my eyes to what a gay person is. I didn’t see it from the patients, but from their visitors,” he continued, reining in some of his anger. “Yeah, some were effeminate, but many were not. They looked and acted just the same as anyone else you would see down the street. There’s talk that the 'gay lifestyle' is loose, with shallow and short-lived relationships, but what I saw didn't fit that picture. There was the football player who came every day to help tend to his partner of eight years. The builder who spent all weekend retelling stories of their lives together with his partner of twelve years. The love and affection they showed was as strong as any that I've seen from married couples – stronger than many, with the divorce rate nowadays.”
Looking over at Adam, who sat wide-eyed and stunned, he continued, “From these and other examples, I learnt that gays are just people like everyone else. The only thing different is the sex of the person they love.”
My eyes didn't leave his face, and I saw a range of emotions sweep across his face as he spoke. His anger transformed into pain and sorrow as his eyes lost their focus and appeared to recall scenes from that hostel.
“But I learnt the most from a guy named Craig.”
I could see tears start to form in his eyes, with his voice conveying the anguish he was feeling. The fact that this hulking football player was showing so much emotion was not lost on me. Whatever had happened had really affected him hard. A quick glance around showed a quiet crowd of teenagers hanging on Ian’s every word.
“Same as Adam, Craig was kicked out of home when he was fifteen and his parents found out he was gay. This was back in the early ‘80's. He didn’t have any money or a place to live, so he looked around for a job. But no one would hire a fifteen-year-old with no skills and no address. Yeah, he could have gotten a job at McDonald's or somewhere like that, but he wouldn't have earned enough for him to have a roof over his head at night.
“He couldn’t find any legal way to make enough money to live, but he was too honest to steal, so that left him with only one choice – prostitution.”
His eyes refocused on me, and the anger came back to his face as he bent down to stare into my eyes.
“To make sure he could eat and have a place to sleep, he sold his body to whoever would pay.
“I'm sure you're thinking that he would have enjoyed that – he was gay, after all. Well, it wasn’t like that. He wasn't anyone's boyfriend. He never made love. He was a piece of meat that was available for rent – to be used in whatever way the buyer wanted.”
Straightening up, his eyes lost focus again, as he stared into the distance. His voice lost all emotion as he continued the tale.
“He put up with that for almost eighteen months. He made enough money to survive, if you could call it that, but he couldn't see what future he had. So, for his seventeenth birthday, he decided to give himself a present. He walked down to St. Kilda road and stepped in front of a bus.”
He shuddered and took a deep breath.
“He didn't get his present – he lived. It was at the hospital that he learnt that he was HIV positive. At first he didn't understand what it meant. Once he did, he broke down and cried for two days.”
He looked back down at me with the saddest face I have ever seen.
“He had no family. The hospital contacted his parents, but they denied that he was their son. He had no job. His conscience wouldn't let him go back to his old trade, even if he had wanted to. He couldn't take the risk of infecting someone else with a death sentence. He was still suicidal. From his point of view it was a choice between killing himself then or dying painful from an incurable disease at some time in the future.
“He was lucky. While he was at the hospital, one of the pastors got him a job working at the Melbourne City Mission, helping other homeless kids. He worked there until the middle of last year, when he developed full-blown AIDS and ended up at the hostel. After all that time, the only people he knew were the ones he worked with. My mum assigned me as his carer. I was practically the only one to spend any time with him, which is how he came to tell me his story.”
Tears started to roll down his face, as turned and spoke directly to Adam.
“Through all of this, it was obvious that he was basically a good soul that life had dumped the worst possible shit on. To the end, he still claimed to love his parents. He never said a thing to indicate that he hated anyone for what had happened to him.”
The raw emotion that showed in his voice and on his face left no doubt at how much that man had affected him.
“Craig died, holding my hand, on Christmas Eve. It was the worst Christmas I have ever had.” His last words were soft, but the silence of the crowd meant that everyone had heard the pain they contained.
Blinking back the tears, he looked at me.
“Why am I defending Adam? It's simple. I don't want him to become another Craig.”
I watched as Ian walked over to a blonde-haired girl in the crowd and put his arm around her shoulder. They then slowly strolled off together. Even though she was shorter and slimmer than he was, you could see the support he was drawing from her. Telling Craig’s story had really drained him.
As the crowd dispersed, I became aware of being the focus of attention. Adam was staring at me with an unreadable expression, but the sorrow on Scott’s face made me wonder what was going through that curly head of his.
Michael and Peter were looking at me puzzled, and a little annoyed.
“What was all that about?” Peter demanded.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Firstly, staying on your bloody butt when Luke and his thugs showed up, and then going off on Ian when he came along. What sort of mate are you, anyway?”
I looked at Peter. I could see that Michael was also interested in the answer, so I carefully considered what I was going to say. When I noticed that Peter was about to explode, I realised I was taking too long. I had to say something, and quickly.
“Okay, it's a long story, but here's the short version. If Luke had started something, I would've helped you and Michael, but Adam and I discussed this yesterday, and he doesn't want my help. I'm just doing what he wants.”
“You bloody hypocrite,” Adam interrupted, angrily. Stepping up to me, he added, “I asked for your help this morning, and you refused.”
“I offered it yesterday, but you threw it back at me. After what you did, did you expect me to suddenly forget everything and do anything you wanted?”
“I was hoping you'd be a friend! I needed you!”
“You told me that I’m not a friend, remember? Only friends are allowed to call you Ads, Adam!” I spat the last word out at him.
Suddenly, as if by magic, Scott appeared between us.
“Stop it, both of you! Shut up before you say something you'll regret,” he implored, as he looked at each of us.
“Too late, Scott,” I snarled, “Adam went too far yesterday.”
“And you went too far on Friday night,” Adam spat straight back.
Responding to a pleading look from Scott, Peter grabbed Adam, and Michael grabbed me. Shaking off Michael’s hand, I grabbed my bag and walked away. I had promised to keep an eye on Adam, but there were limits to what I was willing to do.
Wrapped up in my thoughts, I was startled when I heard Michael speak to me.
“Can you tell me what happened?” he asked.
I hadn’t realised that he had followed me from the basketball court. I paused and considered the request. Because of the help his dad had given on Saturday, I felt that I owed him something. He had also come along as support for Aiden only a short while ago. Nodding my head, I started walking slowly as I spoke.
“Adam's right about me going too far on Friday night,” I admitted. “When he told us that he's gay, I went right off and called him a lot of things. And I’m sorry about that. I've tried to apologise a couple of times, but he won't accept it. He was desperate at the time, and I really hurt him.”
After letting that sink in, Michael asked quietly, “And yesterday?”
I sighed. “Because of Adam, Liz and I have broken up. Adam was rubbing my nose in it yesterday.”
Michael's eyebrows disappeared under his hair, as he looked at me in surprise. “You and Liz? So that's what upset you before the game? I thought you two were pretty solid.”
It was only then that I remembered that he'd been sitting there when Randy had tried to find out what was going on between Liz and me.
“How did Adam make you two break up?” he asked, perplexed.
“It's a bit complicated, but she thinks I should be doing more for Adam. She doesn't understand what a danger he is,” I said, staring off to where I could see Liz and some of her girlfriends by the school buildings.
“And what sort of danger is he?”
I hung my head down. “I don't know, I just feel he is,” I mumbled. Looking back up at Michael, I continued defiantly, “He's a bloody poof, for heaven sake. Look at what happened to Randy because of him!”
Michael nodded his head. “I understand what you’re saying. I don’t agree with it, but I can see why you think it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Michael stopped as he turned to me. “Well, because Adam’s gay, Randy ended up in hospital. I know how much your brother means to you, so you feel angry with Adam because of that. But it wasn’t Adam who put him in hospital; it was Aiden’s dad. It should be him and his attitude that you’re angry with.”
Looking back to where I could see Liz, I sighed, “Liz said pretty much the same thing, but she said it before the game.”
“Then trust her!” Michael stated firmly. “She’s a smart girl.”
As we started moving again, I thought about what Michael had said. Were my concerns for Randy messing everything up? I remembered thinking, after talking to Brian yesterday, that the core of my problem with Adam was to do with Randy. But I still couldn’t put my finger on what it is that’s bothering me.
We were interrupted by the bell announcing the end of lunch. It was time to head off to my next class, the only class that day that I didn’t share with any of my usual friends. I was strangely heartened to remember that Michael also takes woodworking. Working with my hands instead of my head is excellent therapy.
Halfway through the class, I took the opportunity while we were sanding and staining the stools we were building to continue the conversation with Michael.
“Mike, can I ask you something?” I said quietly.
Looking up from the piece in front of him, he said, “Sure, Stick.”
“We’ve never really talked a lot, but this thing with Adam is really messing me up. Will you tell me what went through your head when you found out?”
He was silent for a long time, as he stood gazing at the stool he was working on. Picking up his sanding block, he slowly worked on smoothing the top.
“I’m not sure I can explain it,” he eventually said, “but I’ll try.”
“My first reaction was that it was some sort of joke, but I couldn’t see Aiden’s dad being involved in something like that. So, even though I would never have thought it of him, I had to accept that Adam’s really gay.”
“It was a shock. I really didn’t know what to think. But in front of me I had two examples of how to react; Aiden’s dad and you.”
He stopped sanding and looked up at me. “At the time, I thought you were accepting Adam for what he is. Aiden’s dad’s attitude repulsed me, so I thought that if you could handle it, I probably should be able to as well. So you can imagine how surprised I was today.”
Returning to my own sanding, I said, “I think I was handling it, at the time. Not well, but coping. But then Randy got hurt, and that’s thrown me.”
We were silent for the next few minutes as we worked side by side. Thinking the conversation had ended, I was startled when Michael started speaking again.
“I had a long chat with my dad yesterday. It was all on stereotypes. Being a cop, he sees all kinds of people in stressful situations. The main thing I took from it is that you should always judge people as individuals, not as members of a group. Everyone is different. Look at what they say and what they do. Don’t worry about what they might do, unless you have a reason to think they’ll do it. Because of that, I’m thinking of Adam as the basketball opponent we’ll probably be playing against in the grand final, who’s also someone I see at school. I’m not thinking of him as being gay. His being gay is something that’s just none of my business.”
“B2 said pretty much the same thing to me,” I replied. “I just can’t ignore it, though. You’re not living with Ads. I’m constantly being reminded about why he’s at our place.”
As the silence stretched out, punctuated only by the sounds of the class working on their projects, I thought about what Michael had said about people's reactions. Going over what I knew, I felt a chill run through me.
The people who were reacting badly to Adam were his dad, Aiden’s dad, Luke… and me.
Everyone I liked and admired was coping with Adam. Some, like Gary, were staying on the sidelines, but there were lots who were willing to step up and help. I, on the other hand, was in the same camp as people I despised.
Somewhere, somehow, I had made a big mistake and ended up on the wrong side of the fence. I still had a nagging concern about Adam, but too many people were accepting him without apparent reservation. I needed to work out my problem, but I couldn't let those worries control my reactions anymore.
“Mr. Johnson, the work isn’t going to get done by just staring at it. You actually have to do some manual labour.”
Mr. Chapman’s deep gravelly voice drew me quickly out of the daze I had settled into. With a mumbled apology, I commenced work again. I had a lot to think about, but then was the not the time to do so.
I was still thinking over Michael’s comments and observations when Scott caught up with me just before I entered my last class of the day.
“Stick, I forgot to ask you at lunchtime. Is it okay for me to come around tonight to study? I’d like to catch up with Randy again, anyway.”
“Sure, Break,” I answered absently. My mind was not really taking in what was going on around me.
He had been about to head off, but stopped after I responded.
“Are you alright, Stick? You’re not sounding all here,” he asked, concerned.
Shaking my head, I brought myself back. Smiling, I said, “Thanks, Break, but I’m back again. I was just drifting off. I’ve got a lot to think about. See you tonight.”
After another searching look, he seemed to accept what I had said. With a grinning reply, he headed off.
My last class for the day was history. I shared this one with Adam and Gary. I arrived just before the class was due to start, so I didn’t have a lot of options on where to sit. Apart from one seat right up front, the rest of the empty seats were near Adam. It was easy to see that most of the students felt uncomfortable sitting near him. The only exceptions were two girls who were sitting in front of him. They had turned around and were trying to talk to him. From the squirming he was doing, it was obvious that he didn’t want the attention.
Before I could make a conscious decision on where to sit, I found myself walking over to Adam. There was an aura around him like a trapped wild animal. My instinct to help creatures in distress kicked in, and I sat down next to him.
“Hi, Maise, Helen. How’s things?” I asked the girls, cheerfully.
Looking startled and a little annoyed, they gave me dirty looks. It seemed I had interrupted something.
“Hi, Stick,” Helen replied, grudgingly. “We were just talking to Adam about going to a movie on Saturday.”
“I'm sorry, but we've got an important basketball game on Saturday, and we need Adam. We're going to be two players down, so without him, we’d be in big trouble,” I explained, cheerfully. “Maybe another time?”
Helen eyed me suspiciously. “What time is the game? Surely he'll have time for a movie afterwards.”
“The game is late in the afternoon,” I said, “but it's going to be rough one. So the chance of being fit enough to enjoy a movie afterwards is pretty slim.” I smiled at the two girls. I'd never seen them at a game, so I'm pretty sure they had no idea what our games are normally like.
Before they could come up with another suggestion, Mrs. Leadbetter arrived, and it was time for the lesson to start.
With a lot of effort, I managed to pay attention through most of the class. My mind wandered off a few times, but Mrs. Leadbetter didn't appear to notice. We were covering the period of Australian history known as the Rum Rebellion. There were enough interesting stories as part of that period to keep the focus of the class on her for most of the period. You have to feel a little sorry for William Bligh. First he had the mutiny on the Bounty, and then, as Governor of New South Wales, he had a second mutiny by the police force. You wonder if he was just unlucky, or whether he was the sort of person that should never be put in charge of other people. Overall, looking at the events of 1808 took my mind off the events of today, at least for a while.
When the bell sounded to end the school day, I grabbed Adam by the arm.
“Come on, Adam. We don't want to be late,” I said, as I bundled him out the door before Helen and Maise could react. As we passed Gary, I called out, “Gazza! Can I give you a call tonight?”
Glancing over to me a little surprised, he said, “Sure, Stick! Anytime after eight will be fine.”
Waving a hand in acknowledgment, I pulled Adam along towards my locker. We had gone about thirty feet from the classroom when he pulled himself out of my grip.
“I can walk fine on my own, thank you,” he said icily.
I smirked back, “And if you look like you might be having any trouble, I'm sure that Helen and Maise would love to help you out.” I enjoyed the way his iciness switched to fright so quickly. I was right. Their attention had him rattled.
“Why are you doing this, David?” he asked nervously.
I let the smirk drop from my face. Honesty was the only thing I could answer him with.
“I don't know. Not really. I had a chat with Michael O’Conner earlier, and it made me take a good hard look at myself. I found some things I didn’t like. I think I'm getting myself sorted out, but I'm not there yet. There's still something that's bothering me, and until I work it out, I don't know where we're headed. I’m going to try to keep my temper under a bit more control, though.
“Truce? At least temporarily?” I asked him.
Examining my face, as if for any sign of deceit, he eventually nodded. “I can forgive you for your comments at the hospital, because you were upset over Randy. But I can’t forgive you for what you said on Friday night. I hope you understand that. I think you’re trying, David, so okay. Truce. For the moment.”
Delighted that I had started to mend one of my broken fences, I was smiling as we headed to join the crowd around where the buses would pick us up. The smile slipped, however, as I saw the way the students in front of us moved aside as we approached. There were mixed signals in the way that was done. Disgust or fear seemed to be dominant, but I was more worried by the occasional flashes of hatred. Because of Mr. Trent, I knew that Randy would be the target of the same reaction tomorrow when he came back to school.
“A little bit like the parting of the Red Sea,” Adam joked. I could tell he was forcing himself to find humour in the situation.
“I’ve known for almost three days now, and I’m just getting my head around it. Give them time. We’ll be back to pushing our way through soon enough,” I replied.
I desperately looked around for someone who wasn’t going to move away as we approached. I was relieved when I spotted Ian Ashton moving towards us.
“Look who’s coming over,” I said to Adam, pointing in the direction of Ian.
Smiling, Adam stepped forward. “Thanks, Ian. I really appreciate what you did at lunchtime.”
Ian grinned. “No problems, mate.” He then frowned. “Has anyone else been hassling you today?”
Adam paused, then answered, “Yes, but nothing more than I had expected, and a lot more low-key than I had feared. As David just said, I need to give them time to get used to the idea. If I'm still being hassled at the end of the week, I'll let you know.”
Ian frowned at me. I could tell I wasn’t one of his favourite people. With some justification, I had to admit. Looking around, I couldn’t see our bus, so with some trepidation, I grabbed the opportunity in front of me.
“Ian, can I ask you a question?” I asked.
Suspicious, he stared at me. “Why?” was his flat reply.
“I’m trying to get myself sorted out, and I’m finding it helpful to know what others think. Can you tell me what you thought, the first time you met someone you knew was gay?”
Softening his gaze, he said, “That seems fair. I can’t do it now, though. I’ve got to go. I’ll try to find you tomorrow at lunch. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure!” Glancing at Adam, inviting him to interrupt if he wanted to, I continued, “We’ll probably be where you found us today, unless something makes us move, or if it’s raining.”
With a wave of his hand, Ian turned and headed off. Looking back over his shoulder, he called out, “See you then!”
After Ian had left, we were both silent. The normal banter we would have exchanged last week was gone, and I had to admit to myself that I missed it. I thought about trying to pick up from where we were before Friday night, but I didn't. That would just trivialise the current situation, and I couldn't do that.
As I watched our bus roll up, I suddenly had a thought.
Turning to face him, I asked, “Adam, do you want me to sit next to you on the bus?”
He looked at me, suspicion written on his face.
“Why?” he asked bluntly.
“Firstly, as an apology for my behaviour today, and secondly because I’m not sure what the others on the bus are going to be like. This will give you another day before you have to find out.”
His expression relaxed as he considered what I had said. Finally, he nodded his head. “Thanks, David. I'd like that.”
As we boarded the bus, I sensed Adam was jostled. Looking around, I saw a few hostile stares, and a couple of smirks, but I couldn't pick who had done it. Adam just seemed to ignore it, so I followed him on without trying to make it an issue. From the way he hadn't reacted, I suspected that this was not the first time today that it had happened.
We were lucky. There was an empty seat near the front of the bus. Adam sat down and slid across to the window. With me sitting next to him, the only way he'd get harassed would be from the seat behind us. As I kept an eye out to see how the other kids were reacting, and to also see who would sit behind us, I noticed that Adam had his face firmly turned away, staring out of the window. After a moment’s thought, I realised what he was doing. By not looking at the other kids, he wasn't giving them any excuse to make a comment. If they said anything, it would be clear that they were starting it.
The way over half the kids slowed down and stared at Adam showed how well the school grapevine had worked all day. Most just seemed curious, though a reasonable number looked disgusted. A couple of the older girls looked thoughtful, and whispered something to each other with small smiles. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I didn't think they looked vindictive. It was more as if they saw an interesting challenge. Remembering Maise and Helen, I chuckled to myself. I think Adam is going to find himself being chased by a few girls who want to find out for themselves if he's really gay.
I felt relieved when a couple of young girls took the seat behind us. I think they were in Randy's year, but I wasn't sure. Regardless, I didn't think they were likely to start anything.
The trip home was pretty uneventful. The only thing of interest was when Rick got off the bus. As he walked past us, he stopped and asked me to pass on his best wishes to Randy. He glanced across at Adam and looked like he was going to say something, but then just shook his head and walked off.
Normally, the ten-minute walk home from where the bus drops us off goes quickly. Randy and I are usually chatting away with the gossip of what occurred in school that day. The walk with Adam, instead of Randy, seemed to last forever. The silence between us just emphasised the stress we were both feeling. As we passed the entrance to the Ricardo property, I finally broke the quiet.
“Would you like to drop in to see B1 and B2 before we go home?” I asked.
“No. I'm not sure what their parents would've heard by now, so I don't want to risk showing up without an invite. I also want to find out how my mum is doing. Your parents were going to try to see her today,” he replied, as he strolled along. With a sidewise glance, he added, “Thanks for the suggestion, though.”
I had forgotten about that. Adam must be a bundle of nerves, waiting to find out what his mum and dad have done today. From what Kelly had said on the weekend, Adam's mum must be really stressing out. Was there a possibility that she'd leave his dad, and so be able to take Adam back? It wouldn't solve all my troubles, but it'd put some distance between Adam and Randy until I could sort out what my problem was.
I cringed as I realised what I had just been thinking. I had been callous enough to think about someone getting a divorce as a partial solution to a personal problem of mine, without being concerned for the people involved. Mrs. Kennedy had to be really hurting. Her husband had turned morbid, her daughter was rarely home anymore, and now her son had effectively been pushed out of her life. And all I had thought of was her leaving her husband to make my life easier. I felt very, very ashamed.
When we finally got home, Mum and Randy were sitting at the kitchen table. Randy looked a little better, but the main thing that shone through was his enthusiasm as he jumped out of his seat to greet us.
“Stick, Ads! How was the day? Any problems? What did everyone say? Anyone hassle you?”
Grinning at the eager stream of questions that were springing out of Randy's mouth, I was going to respond, when I noticed that Adam was ignoring him. Turning towards Adam, I saw him looking fearfully at Mum. After opening and closing his mouth a few times, two words eventually made their way out.
“My mum?” he asked. The concern in his voice made the question hang heavy in the air.
Randy fell silent as we waited for Mum to respond.
Rising to her feet, she gave Adam a gentle smile. “Come with me to the living room, Adam. I'll tell you all about it there.” The smile made me think that there had to be some good news in what she had to say. The fact that she took him away to tell him made me think there was probably some bad news as well.
Turning back to my brother, I asked, “Do you know what she's going to say?”
He shook his head, “No. She didn't say much about what she and Dad got up to today.”
In a lighter tone of voice, he continued, “Anyway, are you going to tell me what happened today, or do I have to drag it out of you?”
“How about I give you the bare bones, and we wait until dinner so everyone gets the full story at the same time?” I offered.
“Deal!” he grinned.
Taking a moment to think about it, I decided that the real events of interest were all those that occurred at lunchtime.
"At the start of lunch, Peter Papadopolous asked Adam about the rumours. He admitted to them, and told Peter that he’s been kicked out of home and is living with us. Peter then warned Adam that Luke Williams was on the warpath. Aiden's dad showed up at the school office, and he's taken Aiden out of school. Luke found Adam, but Peter and Michael O'Conner faced him and his cronies down. I thought there was going to be a fight, until Ian Ashton, the footy team's ruck-rover, showed up and forced Luke to back off. When I asked him why he was helping, he told us a story about working in a hostel with AIDS patients before Christmas. He's offered to break the teeth of anyone who interferes with Adam. Oh, and a couple of girls in our last class seem to have decided to start chasing Adam. They were asking him to go see a movie with them on Saturday.”
Laughing at Randy's obvious confusion at the rapid dump of the day’s events, I headed off to my room to dump my books and get changed. I knew my brother would be hassling Mum to have an early dinner so he could get the complete story as soon as possible. Having to wait drives him nuts.
My happy mood evaporated quickly as I stepped into my room. The pictures on my desk quickly reminded me of what I’ve lost with Liz. I knew I needed to sort myself out as soon as possible if I was going to have any chance of winning her back. Turning all of the pictures face down, I sat down and started work on those bits of homework that I knew wouldn't require much thinking.
At dinner I let Adam do most of the talking. I noticed as I sat at the table that he'd been crying, but the small smile he had on most of the time showed that the talk with my mum had gone well. If there was bad news, the good news clearly outweighed it.
Adam did a good job of explaining the day. The only way he strayed from the truth was in the way that he neglected to mention the two fights he and I’d had. The one before school started and the one at the end of lunchtime. I took that to mean that he was honouring the truce we agreed to at the end of school. While I had been prepared to get into trouble with my parents, I was relieved that I didn't have to worry about it.
The only real bit of talking I did was explaining the scene with Aiden's dad at the office, and my chat with the principal. I told them about how Mr. Pitt had been contacting the police station when I left, but as Aiden never reappeared, I guessed there wasn’t anything to keep Mr. Trent from taking his son out of school. Dad nodded, sadly. He said that as there didn’t appear to be any history of abuse, the school and police really didn’t have much option.
I also mentioned that Scott would be coming over later tonight to study. As our computer classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I would need his help next time he showed up, but not tonight. Tonight I'd just be tutoring him on English.
Randy asked about the guardianship papers, and Dad told him not to worry about them. Randy and I exchanged glances at that, and we both silently agreed that there had obviously been some sort of trouble. Adam on the other hand looked unconcerned, so maybe Mum had already filled him in on what was going on. It was very clear, though, that Dad didn't think it was any of our business, at least for now.
We had finished dinner and the cleanup afterwards, before Chris dropped Scott off.
“Hi, Break! Isn't Chris staying?” I asked.
“No. He's got a few things he wanted to get done. He said he'd come back around ten. That should be enough time to go over things, shouldn't it?”
“More than enough time!” I replied, smiling.
Settling ourselves at the kitchen table, we were joined by Randy and Adam. Even though he'd had the day off, it looked like Randy still had some long-term homework left over from the week before. As the others started on their work, I quickly reviewed his English notes with Scott to find out what he was up to, and where he needed some help. Overall, I thought he was doing quite well. The hardest bits were the clear thinking exercises, and learning to structure his essays.
Time went by quickly, and it was only when I glanced at the clock and noticed it was after eight, that I stopped.
“I think you have enough to work on for the moment, Break. Okay if I disappear for a while?” I asked.
“Sure,” he answered, puzzled. “What’s wrong?”
Glancing across to where Adam was doing his homework, I said, “I need to talk to Gazza. I know I have problems and I’m trying to talk to as many people as possible. Like I spoke to you, yesterday.”
As I stood up, I added, “The problem’s with me, not Adam, and I want to try to get it sorted out as soon as I can. Do you mind?”
Smiling, he waved at me to go. I could tell he approved of what I was trying to do. Adam and Randy both looked up at me as I started to move off, but they both returned to their homework before I could read anything in their expressions.
Grabbing the phone, I disappeared into my room. After closing the door, I sat on my bed and rang Gary.
“Hi, Gazza here.”
“Hi, Gazza. It’s Stick. Are you free to talk?”
“Sure, Stick! What do you want?” he replied.
I knew that working out how to start was always going to be the hardest part, no matter who I talked with about the Adam situation. Taking a deep breath, I dove right into the middle of the problem.
“I realised today that I’ve got a problem. Most people seem to be handling Adam being gay a lot better than I am. I’m trying to work out what I’m doing wrong. Do you think you can talk to me about it?”
There was silence at the other end of the phone for a long time. Just as I was going to say something, Gary started speaking.
“I have to admit that I’m uncomfortable with him too,” he said. “I don’t have to live with him, though, so it’s easier for me. Maybe we can help each other?”
“Sounds good to me. Shall I start, then?”
“Go ahead, Stick.”
“Okay. My opinion has gone up and down since Friday night when I found out. A lot of people have told me that he’s still the same guy we’ve been playing basketball with for a couple of years now. B2 told me that to him and B1, his being gay is just not important. They trust him enough that they’re sure he won’t try anything with them.”
Gary interrupted, “Trust. That’s the key, I think. Can we trust him? To trust someone, you have to know them. I don’t feel like I know him anymore.”
I considered what Gary had said. What does it take to know someone?
“I thought the same, but after I heard what he's been through, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He's been hurt real bad by this, and it's not something he has any control over. Did you know that he tried for almost two years to go straight?”
“Two years?” Gary exclaimed. “Shit! I never realised it went back that far. I thought this was all recent.”
“No. He told us on Saturday morning that he's known for just under two years. He only really accepted it himself at Christmas. Until then, he'd tried to deny it, to convince himself he wasn't gay.”
“So, we've been friends and teammates with a poof for two years, and didn't know it,” Gary mused. “That's going to take a bit to understand.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, either he's harmless or he's been biding his time,” Gary said. Then, as if struck by a sudden thought, he added, “Or maybe he's been using us as sex objects in his fantasies.”
“I didn't need that last one,” I said, gagging. “That's gross!”
“Yeah,” he agreed. He sounded a little sick as well. “What's he been thinking of doing to us as he jacks off?”
The images that came into my mind were so disgusting I almost threw up. Swallowing a few times, I forced myself to think of something more pleasant. My favourite fantasy sprang to mind.
“I'd much prefer to think about Kylie Minogue, thank you very much!” I said, trying to take my mind away from the images Gary had put there.
“You're a Kylie boy? Me, I much prefer Delta Goodrem,” Gary replied. He seemed to prefer the sudden change of topic as much as I did.
“She's not bad, but with Kylie, you also...” My voice faded as I realised what we were doing.
“Stick? What's up? What do you get with Kylie?” Gary asked.
“Shit, Gazza. Do you know what we were just doing?”
“Yeah. We were talking about our favourite jack off ... oh.” He paused. “I see what you mean. We were doing the same thing, weren't we? Imagining others as sex objects.”
“It's still disgusting to think about it, but we can't blame Adam if he does it, can we? As long as he keeps it to himself?” I asked.
“Let's be honest. He's more likely to be dreaming about Ryan Phillippe or The BackStreet Boys, anyway,” Gary joked.
“You don't think I'm as good looking as Ryan Phillippe?” I said, faking a hurt tone.
“Stick, how should I put this?” he started. “No. Now me, on the other hand, I'm definitely fantasy material,” he finished proudly.
“Horror movie material, maybe, but not fantasy material,” I shot back.
“Okay, if you've finished insulting me, shall we get back to the subject at hand?” he laughed.
I sighed, “Okay, but it's tough to talk about him.”
“If he's been gay for two years, and done nothing, I'd have to think he's harmless,” Gary conceded.
“That’s what I’ve been thinking as well. As Liz said to me...” I stumbled a bit as I recalled what a mess I'd made of that situation. “As she said, he's still the same guy who pulled me out of the creek last year.”
“So, you're going to be cool with Ads now?”
“I've still got another problem that I can't sort out,” I admitted.
“What's that?”
“There's something that's bothering me about Adam and Randy, but I don't know what it is.”
“Talk to me, mate,” Gary encouraged.
I sighed. “There's just something that strikes me as...” I searched for the right word. “Unnatural, in the way they are behaving to each other.”
“You know the rumour that was going around at the end of school today? That Giant's gay?” Gary asked, hesitantly. I could tell he was trying to disbelieve it.
“I hadn't heard it, but I expected it. I was in the office when Aiden's dad said that Randy is Adam's boyfriend. There was another kid there, and gossip like that is too good not to spread.”
“Do you think it might be true?” Gary said gently.
“I hope not,” I replied quietly, “but he's not doing anything to make me believe otherwise. He's acting like an over-protective boyfriend. He told me on Friday night that he’s not gay, but he's spent a lot of time with Adam since then.”
Talking about it, one of my fears about Adam finally came into focus. I could handle Adam being gay, but I was scared for my brother. Could Adam have turned him gay?
“Gazza, do you think that Giant's gay?” I asked. I half hoped he wouldn't answer.
“Stick, I would never have thought that Ads is gay. How am I supposed to know if Giant is?”
“Fair call, I suppose,” I answered, dejected. “Do you think that Adam might be turning him gay?”
“That's a harder one. Someone told me once that being gay is something you’re born with. If that's true, you can't turn someone gay. I just don't know if that's true or not. It's not something I've spent a lot of time asking about.”
“Then why is he acting like he is?” I pleaded.
There was a pause, and then I heard chuckling coming down the phone line.
“Stick! Have you ever considered how you look after Giant? It sounds like he's doing exactly the same things that you do when he needs help. If we didn't know you were brothers, we'd probably think you were his boyfriend! He's just being a normal member of the Johnson twins.”
“Mum said that he's learnt from me how to be protective. Giant's also called Adam his new brother so he's treating Adam the way he thinks a brother should be treated. Maybe that's all it is,” I mused.
“Stick, I'm sure that's all it is. You know your brother better than anyone. If he told you he isn’t gay, why can't you just believe him?”
“Because I'm scared that he's going to get hurt, regardless?” I answered softly.
Gary sighed. “He's a big boy, Stick. We can all protect him as much as we can, but he's going to have to stand on his own two feet sometimes. He's going to have it tough when he goes back to school, but from what I heard, Ian Ashton has threatened to have the entire football team bash anyone who touches Ads. He'll do the same for Giant, I'm sure.”
I laughed. “He never mentioned the rest of the team. He said he’d break the teeth of anyone who hurt Adam. He even made a point of checking on him before we got on the bus home.”
“You were there when it happened?” Gary asked, surprised.
“Yeah, I was. I was pretty surprised, too, at the things he said.”
“So, did he really have a boyfriend who died of AIDS at Christmas?” Gary asked eagerly.
“No,” I laughed. “The rumour mill has certainly gotten that one confused. His mum made him work with AIDS patients over summer and one in particular. That's the one who died at Christmas, and that's the one who taught Ian that gays are just normal people. I don't think Ian’s gay.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard so many wild rumours going around as I did at the end of school today,” Gary admitted. “And they all centre around Ads. There’s going to be a lot of confusion over the next few days until the truth starts filtering through.”
As I wondered what to say next, Gary continued hesitantly, “Stick, I even heard a rumour that you broke up with Liz because you’re gay too.” He quickly added, “Of course, I don’t believe that one at all, but I thought you should know.”
At the thought of Liz, a shudder ran through my body. Once I get myself sorted out with Adam, I need to work on reclaiming Liz. She had made it clear that I can’t have her back until then.
“Thanks, Gazza,” I said, appreciatively. “I half expected that one. If you don’t know what happened, it sort of makes sense, in a weird way. Just something else to put up with, I guess.”
“So, Stick. What are you going to do now?” Gary asked.
“I don't really have any choice, do I? I'm just going to have to trust Adam and Giant and keep my worries to myself,” I answered, resigning myself to the inevitable.
“My gut feeling is that you can trust them, Stick. Giant's very mature for his age, and we were just saying that Adam's harmless. What we need to do is to make sure they don't get hassled at school.”
“Yeah, but I don't have to like it,” I said, sadly.
“Oh, and Stick, if the worst thing happens...” Gary said, then paused.
“What?” I asked, worried when he didn't continue.
“I think Ads and Giant would make a wonderful couple,” he finished, laughing.
“You little shit!” I exclaimed, and then started laughing, too. “They might make a great couple, but that’s not something I'd wish on my brother.” I was glad Gazza had lightened things up. It really did help.
“Okay, I'll trust them. And we'll help them out as much as we can. Deal?” I asked Gary.
“Deal. I'll make a point of telling Ads myself tomorrow before school. Thanks, Stick. This has been a good call.”
“Thanks to you, too, Gazza. I think I've finally got myself sorted out. I'm going to go tell Adam, so we can start getting back to where we were before. Bye, Gazza.”
“See you tomorrow, Stick.”
Getting up from my bed, I felt as if a large burden has been lifted from me. I still had worries, but I could see which ones I could do something about, and which ones I just had to accept, and that made a huge difference. The best news was that all my serious worries about Adam were in the category that I just had to accept. They aren’t going to change, so I just have to take Adam as he is.
Back at the kitchen table, I was surprised to find Randy sitting by himself.
“Giant, do you know where Adam’s gone?” I asked.
“He and Scott headed off to my room. Break was going to show him how to do something on the computer as part of his homework,” Randy said, looking up from the pile of schoolbooks in front of him.
“Thanks. I’ve got something I need to say to Adam. I’ll be back soon.”
I was happy as I rushed, almost danced, down the hall. There was a good chance that everything could go back to normal. I felt I had a handle on what was going on, and I was ready to move forward.
I burst into the room, ready to tell Adam what I had decided, but the words died on my lips when I saw the scene in front of me.
Adam and Scott in an embrace.
Kissing.
I stood frozen as I watched the two kiss. For what seemed an eternity, they didn’t appear to notice me. When Scott’s eyes opened and he saw me standing there, the scene changed. Terror replaced the blissful expression that had been on his face. Breaking the kiss seemed to alert Adam, who half turned to see me standing in the doorway.
As they jumped apart, my body suddenly returned to life. Spinning quickly, I fled from the room and down the hall. Ignoring the cry of “What’s wrong?” from Randy, I burst through the kitchen and charged outside and started running.
There was a slight chill to the air, but it was not cold enough to bother me. Rather, it seemed to reflect my state of mind, as my body proceeded on autopilot. It was only as I found myself approaching the dam that anything like a rational thought emerged.
Scott’s gay!
I’d just gone through hell sorting myself out over Adam, and now I had my relationship with Scott to re-evaluate. My body started to tremble uncontrollably as I realised yet again that I don’t really know the people I call my friends.
While the moonlight illuminated the dam, the rock that forms my special resting place was still in shadow. Feeling it was strangely appropriate, I climbed up into the darkness and drew my legs up to my chest. Resting my head on my knees, I gazed back over the dam. My body was still shaking as I tried to calm down.
On Friday night I had spoken without thinking, and that had caused Adam a lot of pain. I didn’t want to do the same again, so I knew I needed to at least start sorting out what I felt about Scott before I spoke to him.
After my conversations with Gary, Michael and Brian over the last couple of days, I had slowly come to realise that my problems with Adam were not really with him being gay. Somehow, he had managed to interfere in my relationships with Liz and Randy, and that was the real source of our conflict. As long as Scott remained separate from those two, I shouldn't have a problem with him. The whole idea of being gay is something I still can’t understand, but that shouldn't stop me from maintaining my friendship with Scott.
Forcing myself to breathe slowly, I tried to let the noises of the night calm me down. I was surprised to realise that the normal small sounds were missing. The sound of someone moving through the trees was making all the animals keep silent.
Angry that someone had followed me down, I was surprised when Scott emerged from the trees and stood at the edge of the dam, looking around. Realising that he couldn’t see me in the shadows, I waited to see what he would do.
“Stick? Are you here?” he called out, tentatively.
Staying silent, I sat and watched him. He was nervous, that was obvious, but he seemed fearful as well. It was only as he turned away to leave that I saw that he was carrying a light jacket. As he was already wearing one, he had to have brought it down for me. Whether it was a peace offering or just being thoughtful, it showed he wasn't angry with me.
At that thought, I broke my silence.
“Break, I’m over here,” I said quietly, knowing that the sound would carry to where he stood.
He turned sharply back, and I could see him still trying to find where I was.
“On the rocks,” I called out. “Come sit up here with me. I think we need to talk.”
As he made his way around to where I was sitting, I examined him closely. Just like Adam, he appeared no different from the guy I’ve played basketball with for a couple of years now. Only now, I know something about him that I didn’t know before.
I reached out and helped him up onto the rock. Prior to this, the only person I’d ever shared it with was Liz, but that had been different. Oh, so different. Now I was sharing my private place with another guy. A guy who likes other guys.
I sighed. My world was changing, and I had no control over it. All I could try to do was to ride it out and hope that I’d be happy with where I ended up.
“David?” Scott asked, as he handed me the jacket.
As I put it on, I wondered how Scott had managed to imply so many things with that simple question. I chose to answer the easiest one first.
“You took me by surprise, Scott,” I said quietly. I gazed over the dam, rather than look at him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to look at him, but I just found it easier to talk that way. “I was just coming to terms with Adam. I came into the room to tell him that I thought I had finally sorted myself out, and then I found the two of you.”
“I’m sorry, Stick,” he mumbled, as he put a hand on my shoulder in apology.
Involuntarily, I stiffened at his touch. Before I could relax, he quickly dropped his hand. Even without looking, I could feel him cringe at my reaction.
“Sorry, Break,” I said, as I finally turned to look at him. Realising I had to do more, I put a hand on his shoulder, echoing what he had done to me. “I didn’t mean to do that. I just wasn’t expecting it.”
As I felt the tension slowly fade from him, I realised that Scott was petrified. Not merely scared, he was terrified of what was happening or could happen. Unlike Adam, who was confronting the world with a “Take me as I am” attitude, Scott was still hiding.
I knew what he really needed, but I couldn’t bring myself to put my arm across his shoulder to comfort him. That might imply things I didn’t mean. Instead, I kept my hand where it was and waited for him to relax.
“Before we go any further, let’s make sure I haven’t misunderstood things,” I suggested. “I’m assuming you’re gay. Am I right?” I asked, gently.
He nodded. The shadows prevented me from seeing anything clearly, but the way he jerked his head indicated how even that admission had been dragged out of him.
“And you didn’t really need my help with English. That was just an excuse to come over and see Adam, wasn’t it?” I continued. I tried to keep my tone soft, as I felt he’d bolt at any sign of aggression.
He nodded again.
Remembering his brother’s comments from before the game on Saturday, I said, “Chris told me he had recently found out that a mate of his is gay. That’s you, isn’t it?”
“He caught me looking at gay porn on the Internet. It was hard to deny,” he answered softly.
“Adam told us he’s known he’s gay for a couple of years. What about you?”
“I’ve felt different for at least five years. I really only put a name to it a bit over a year ago. I’m still having trouble accepting it in my heart, even though my head knows it’s real.”
I thought about that for a moment. The anguish he was feeling was obvious. If he’s confused and having trouble coping, I could easily make things worse without meaning to.
“Scott, I made a lot of mistakes when I found out about Adam. I’m trying to not do the same thing with you. If I say something wrong, please tell me straight away.”
“Thanks, Stick,” he replied quietly.
Dropping my hand, I turned back to looking over the dam. I could hear the sounds of the night beginning to re-emerge.
“Adam’s kept your secret pretty well. He never even hinted that you’re gay,” I said, admiringly.
“He didn’t know.”
I quickly twisted around to look at Scott.
“He didn’t?” I asked, surprised. “But tonight? In Randy’s room?”
“I’d only just told him. It’s taken me two days to build up my courage enough to say something,” he said quietly. I could hear fear in his voice. He was still afraid of what was happening. “Chris keeps telling me it’s going to be okay, but it’s still been hard.”
“So, Chris is cool with all of this?”
“Yeah. He keeps telling me that he thinks Adam’s a great guy. He told me off last night as he took me home because I’d chickened out and hadn’t said anything.”
“And your parents? What do they think?”
Scott didn’t answer that one immediately. When I sensed him tensing up again, I guessed the answer that eventually came.
“They don’t know,” he whispered.
As I absorbed this bit of news, Scott started sobbing quietly. It was slowly sinking in what a traumatic time this was for Scott and probably for Adam too. Scott must be terrified of what his parents’ reaction will be. After what happened to Adam, he has reason to be.
As I watched Scott change from a confident teenager into a frightened boy, I felt my heart go out to him. He was showing me what he was feeling, even if he was doing it involuntarily, and his plight touched me in a way that Adam’s never had.
Taking a deep breath, I reached out, put my arm across his shoulder, and pulled him towards me. I’d deal with any consequences later. At that moment, he just needed someone. I had ruined my chances to help Adam, but maybe I could make amends by helping Scott.
I didn’t say anything as I held him. I just couldn’t think of what to say. Comforting a guy who’s afraid of what is going to happen because he’s gay is just too far outside of my experience.
His sobs gradually slowed down. When he straightened up and wiped his hand across his eyes, I let him go. Still watching him, I waited until he was ready to talk again.
“Thanks, Stick,” he eventually said.
“Glad I could help, Break,” I replied gently. “Do you want to keep on talking?”
“I think so,” he answered, hesitantly. “I’m just a bit of a wreck at the moment. I didn’t expect to break down like that.”
“That’s okay. I think I’m beginning to understand a little of what you’re going through. I’ll never understand completely, but you’re afraid of what’s going to happen, aren’t you?”
He nodded his head. “I look at what happened to Adam, and what Ian told us about that Craig guy, and I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my family,” he finished, forlornly.
“Cheer up!” I said, trying to inject some enthusiasm into what I was saying. “You’ve got Chris on your side, and you’ll always be welcome here. And not everyone’s family is like Adam’s or Aiden’s. Look at my family. Look at Ian’s. You don’t have to expect the worst!”
“I don’t think you understand, David,” Scott said quietly as he stared over the dam. “This is something that can only be done once. There won’t be a second chance. Once people know, that’s it. There's no turning back.”
“I think I see,” I replied, as I turned back to watch the moonlight over the dam. “I remember how nervous I was when I introduced Liz to my family. And that was about something that isn’t permanent. It must be a hundred times worse for you each time you tell someone, or someone finds out. You're right, I don't think I'll ever understand, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it.”
“I've told one person, and two others have found out. I've been lucky so far, but will that continue?”
There was nothing I could say to that. The question wasn't really addressed to me anyway. As I sat and thought about what was going on, something struck me as a bit strange.
“Break, why are you here and not Adam? And shouldn't you be talking to him about these things? He’s your boyfriend now, isn’t he?”
“I don’t know about the boyfriend part. It’s a bit of jump from best friend to boyfriend. Neither of us know any other gay guys, and we know each other pretty well, so I’m hopeful. He's still very angry at you though, Stick. After you walked in on us, I just had to see how that’s going to change things. Adam told me to leave you alone, but I couldn't. Giant said you'd probably be down by the dam, so that's why I'm here.”
Curious about my brother, I asked, “What did you tell Randy?”
“Nothing for the moment. I sort of promised I’ll tell him when I get back. I'm not looking forward to that,” he answered quietly.
I laughed. “He's probably the safest person in the world to tell. Look at how well he's dealt with Adam! You don’t have to worry about telling him.”
“Yeah, I know. But it's still that 'only one chance' thing. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable telling anyone,” he replied, despondently.
“You’re going to have to sort something out about that if you want to have a chance with Adam. It’s going to be hard to be a couple without letting other people know that you’re gay,” I pointed out.
“Don’t remind me. I’m scared enough as it is. But I really want things to work out with Ads. I’ve been thinking about it ever since he told me.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes longer and then Scott spoke up again.
“Stick, I have to ask you something. Please don't get angry,” he pleaded.
Wondering what it was he wanted to ask, I replied amiably, “Sure, Break. Ask away.”
“You and Adam seem to hate each other’s guts at the moment. Why don't you hate me as well?”
I sensed, rather than saw, the tension in Scott as he waited for my reply. He was ready to bolt if I said the wrong thing.
“I don't know how much Adam has told you, but I didn't handle the news at all well when I found out about him. I said a lot of things that should never have been said. It took me a while, but I eventually realised that I'm not really bothered by his being gay.” I quickly added, “I don't understand it, but it's not really bothering me.”
“Then what's the problem?” he asked, still tense.
“On his side, he still hasn't forgiven me for what I said on Friday night. On my side, I only worked it out tonight, after talking it through with Gazza. Somehow, and it's probably mostly my fault, Adam has messed up things between me and Randy and me and Liz. Because I didn't understand it, I've been blaming him for my problems. I was actually going in to tell him that and to try to fix things up, but I found you guys kissing.”
“So you’re fine with me being gay?” he asked, anxiously.
I smiled. I knew he couldn't see it in the shadows, but I hoped he could he hear it in my voice.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said. “Just don't rub my nose in it. I don't really want to know any details about your sex life.”
I heard a soft chuckle. “My non-existent sex life? I think I can avoid telling you about that,” he said.
“Then I think we have a deal. Let’s go back to the house.”
“Okay,” he said, as he stood up.
Heading back, I remembered part of the conversation I'd had with Gary. I knew I shouldn't ask, but my curiosity got the better of me.
“Scott, while I was talking to Gazza, we touched on our favourite fantasies. Mine is Kylie, but neither one of us was sure who’s hot for a gay guy. You don't have to answer, but I was just wondering...”
He laughed. “After telling me you don't want to hear about my sex life, you want to know about my sexual fantasies?”
I raised my hands to fend off what was coming. “Okay, okay! Yeah, that was weird. Just forget I asked!”
“Nah. I've never told anyone, and you made the mistake of asking. Time to suffer the consequences,” he said, happily.
“I don't know about other gay guys, but for me it’s Ian Roberts.”
“Who? Never heard of him,” I said, puzzled.
“Not really surprising, as he's a former rugby player from New South Wales,” he explained. “Rugby's not that popular here in Melbourne.”
“Rugby!” I exclaimed. “What's wrong with an Aussie Rules player?”
“Nothing, but I don't know of any gay footy players. Ian's Australia's only top-level sportsman to come out as being gay. He did it while he was still playing, and went on to captain the North Queensland Cowboys. He also played for Australia thirteen times. He finally retired in 1999. As I know Ian's gay, I can always dream I have a chance with him. He's already got a boyfriend, but hey, we're talking fantasies anyway. Like you'd have any chance with Kylie Minogue,” he finished, laughing.
“Does this mean you're a rugby fan? You certainly know a lot about it.”
“Nah. Only about Ian Roberts. He's been one of the things that's always given me hope that I'll eventually be alright. After all, rugby's always been considered to be a very macho sport. If a gay guy can play the game at the top level and be generally accepted, then maybe I can make it in normal life. At times, I've really needed that hope,” he finished quietly.
I didn’t know what to say to that, and Scott didn’t say more, so we walked the rest of the way back to the house in silence. I had learnt more than I had expected in that short conversation. Scott only seems to be interested in other gay guys, which was good to hear. But disturbingly, it sounded like he suffers bouts of severe depression about being gay. With the research Randy and I had recently done on suicide risk factors, I started to wonder how depressed he really does get. He had never shown it before, but then I was finding out that there is an entire side to Scott that I'd never known existed.
When we walked into the house, I was still wondering what to do. Distracted by my thoughts, I was startled when Adam and Randy ambushed us.
Adam took one look at Scott's face, and then turned on me in fury.
“You're an utter bastard, David! What have you done to him? Couldn't you have kept your bloody mouth shut for once in your fucking life?” he yelled at me.
Bewildered by this verbal assault, I turned to look at Scott. He seemed thrown by Adam's reaction as well. Then I noticed that Scott's eyes were still red, and you could see tear tracks on his face. It was obvious that he'd been crying.
Adam grabbed Scott by the arm and started to pull him down the hall. “Come on, Scott. I won't let that bastard do anything more to you,” he said firmly.
Too slow to react, I just watched as the two headed off, Adam almost dragging Scott away. My parents came out of the living room as they went past, but Adam ignored their questions about what was going on. Only when Mum and Dad came down to the kitchen to speak to me did I pull myself back together.
“David, can you please explain what is going on?” Dad demanded. He looked angry, but he didn't appear to be blaming anyone, yet.
Mum kept sending worried glances down the hall as she waited for my answer. Randy’s face was still distorted from the broken nose, but I could tell he wasn't happy with me, either.
“Dad, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. Only Scott can do that. It's not my place to say anything. All I can say is that I didn’t do anything to upset Scott. I was just able to be there for him,” I explained, praying for them to believe me.
“Then why did you go charging out of here so suddenly? And then Scott and Adam came chasing after you. It certainly looked suspicious,” Randy accused.
“Sorry, I can't tell you. Scott has to do that. I'd love to tell you, but I can't. Please believe me?” I pleaded to Randy.
He stared back to me for a moment before looking back to Dad. When I turned as well, I found Dad staring down the hall to where Adam and Scott had disappeared. When he started to head down to find them, I acted.
Stepping forward, I grabbed Dad by the arm. “Dad, wait! Give them some time alone, please? I'm sure Scott is telling Adam what he needs to know, and then he'll come out again.” I winced internally at my poor choice of words, but hopefully no one noticed the Freudian slip.
Stopping, he looked back at me. “Okay, David,” he said quietly, “but there had better be a good explanation for all of this. You're currently on very thin ice, young man,” he finished sternly.
While we waited, I looked at the schoolbooks on the table. Quickly deciding that I was in no mood for homework, I headed over to the kettle and started to make myself a cup of coffee and cups of tea for Mum and Dad. I didn’t know how long Adam and Scott would be, but I knew having a hot drink would help calm my parents.
By this stage, Randy had abandoned any pretence of doing homework. After packing up his books, he alternated between staring at me and staring down the hall. Mum had grabbed the newspaper and was seated opposite Randy. Dad and I were still standing, sipping our drinks.
That’s how we were when Scott and Adam reappeared.
Obviously startled at the attention that was suddenly focused on them, they paused before continuing into the kitchen.
“David, I owe you an apology,” Adam said, eyes downcast.
“That’s okay, Adam. I can imagine how it looked. Forget it,” I answered.
“Now will someone tell the rest of us what is going on?” Dad asked, eyeing Adam, Scott and me. His no-nonsense tone clearly indicated he was in no mood for excuses.
As one, Adam and I looked at Scott, who seemed to shrink into himself.
“Sorry, Scott. I told them that only you can say what’s going on,” I said, apologetically.
As he looked from face to face, I could see the fear in his eyes. I was trying to find some way out of this for him, when Adam stepped up and whispered something in his ear.
Scott looked at Adam, and then nodded. Smiling, Adam put an arm across Scott’s shoulder and turned to face everyone.
“I’d like to introduce you to my new boyfriend,” Adam stated proudly.
I almost laughed at the reactions. Randy’s jaw dropped so far that I’m surprised it wasn’t dislocated. Mum simply froze. Dad was so stunned that he forgot he was holding a cup of tea and ended up spilling the hot drink onto his pants. While he jumped around before grabbing a towel to dry himself, I walked over to the new couple.
“Congratulations, Adam,” I smiled, as I held out my hand.
He scowled at me before shaking my hand. He squeezed hard, but with an effort, I didn’t let anything show on my face.
“Well done, Scott,” I said, after Adam released his grip. “I know it was hard for you to let Adam say that.”
“What would you know?” Adam demanded.
I looked at him for a moment. Even though he was beginning to get on my nerves, I knew at the bottom of my heart that it was because I'd hurt him badly. Struggling to control my temper, I responded.
“Scott and I had a long talk when we were outside. No, I don't understand, you're right there, but I do appreciate something about how hard it must be.”
“Ads, let it be,” Scott said gently. “I know you and Stick are having problems at the moment, but just let it rest for now. Please?”
Adam's scowl faded to a soft smile as he looked at his boyfriend. “Okay, Break,” he said quietly.
Randy's mouth was still hanging open. I don't think he'd moved more than his head as he kept looking between Scott and me. Mum had a faint smile on her face as she looked thoughtfully at Scott and Adam. Dad, having calmed down from spilling his drink, was gazing off into the distance, looking worried.
“Dad, what's wrong?” I asked.
He focused back on me and smiled. “I think I've missed a parenting class somewhere along the line. I know what talk to give when one of my sons brings home a girlfriend,” he said, grinning as I shuffled my feet in memory of that talk, “but I don't think I know what talk to give when one of my sons brings home a boyfriend.” Still grinning, he looked over at Scott and Adam. “I'm going to have to think about that one for a while.”
Randy finally piped up. “Stick, you knew, didn't you?” he accused.
“Yeah, I did,” I admitted, grinning.
“When?”
“Just before I raced outside.” I paused as I worked out what I should say next. “I caught them kissing in your room.”
He blanched. “My room?” Turning to Scott and Adam, he demanded, “What have you two been up to?”
“Just kissing, Giant,” Adam responded, defensively. “Nothing more than that.”
“And that's enough for the moment,” Mum interrupted smoothly, as she stood up. “We'll work out some ground rules later. For now, come here you two. I want to give you both a big hug.”
As first Adam and then Scott hugged my mum, I noticed she whispered something to each of them. Adam seemed to take it in his stride, but Scott pulled away from her looking startled. He then smiled and gave her another hug.
While they were occupied, I pulled Randy across into the corner.
“Randy, Scott isn't ready for everyone to know yet,” I whispered. “Can you keep it quiet?”
“Okay,” he whispered back. Glancing over to where Adam was staring at Scott with a goofy grin, he continued, “But Adam is going to make it hard to keep it a secret if he keeps that up.”
Needless to say, we didn't get back to our homework after that. A question from Mum brought out the fact that Scott's parents don’t know yet. This time, Adam got to comfort Scott as he began to shudder with fear. It didn't take Adam long to calm him down, but I could see that Scott was still very much afraid of people finding out.
While Adam was calming Scott, I filled Mum, Dad and Randy in on the rumours that Gary had told me about. In particular, the rumour about Randy being gay.
Randy laughed. “I told you before, Stick. I'm not gay!”
“Yeah, but that won't stop people from believing the stories,” I replied.
“Listen to him, Giant,” Adam said from where he was standing with Scott, surprising both Randy and me. “You're going to be hassled, bumped and ostracized all day. When you're not being ignored, you're going to be constantly fending off extremely personal questions and remarks. This is no laughing matter,” he finished seriously.
“Yeah, but my friends aren't going to believe it,” he insisted.
“Trust me, Randy,” Adam said, as he left Scott to stand directly in front of my brother. “Even if they don't believe it, they're not going to act as if nothing has changed. They won't know what to believe, and that'll confuse them.”
I could tell that Randy wasn't sure, but a seed of doubt had been planted. I just hoped that it would be enough to make sure he wasn't too rash tomorrow.
Before anyone could say anything else, we heard a knock at the door. As we all turned to see who it was, Scott's brother Chris walked in.
“Hi, y'all,” he smiled. “I know I'm a little early, but I was bored at home. If you haven't finished your homework yet, I can wait.”
“No, we're all finished,” I said. “We were just talking about school, that's all.”
I could see Chris asking a silent question of Scott. It was then I realised that neither Scott nor I had mentioned that Chris knows that Scott's gay. Curious as to what he'd say, I kept quiet as my mum asked Chris if he'd like a cup of tea or coffee.
After Scott shook his head, Chris scowled for a second. Wiping that expression from his face, he turned to where my mum and dad stood. “A cup of coffee would be great. Thanks, Mrs. Johnson,” he answered with a smile.
Seeing Scott's faint smile, I knew he was up to something. Catching my eye, he shook his head. I grinned in reply, and retreated further into the corner. This would either be a big anti-climax, or extremely entertaining.
With his brother's back turned, Scott moved over to Adam and put an arm across his shoulder. Scott started to whisper something to Adam, but I'm sure that from the other side, it would have looked like a kiss on the cheek. I saw my dad suddenly become a little panicky. When Chris started to turn around, Dad quickly caught his attention.
“So, Chris. What did you think of the cricket today?”
Now my dad is not usually a cricket fan. He can talk about it when he needs to, but I've never heard him start a conversation about cricket. Meanwhile, Randy's head snapped around to where Chris was standing before looking back to Scott and Adam. From where I was standing, I saw him kick Adam. “Ouch! What was that for?” Adam exclaimed, as Scott stepped away.
“What do you mean?” Randy asked, innocently, while trying to signal to Adam by tilting his head to where Chris was sitting.
“You kicked me,” Adam said, beginning to get annoyed, not picking up on the signs from Randy.
By this time, Chris had turned to see what was going on.
“I certainly did not!” Randy stated.
“Yes you did! There wasn't anyone else it could have been.”
“It's okay, Ads,” Scott interrupted. “I'll make it better.”
He then stepped back up to Adam, leant over and kissed him on the cheek.
Randy's jaw fell to the floor again. Adam went a bright red, and Mum dropped her cup onto the kitchen bench. Dad stood frozen, with one hand reaching out to Chris.
Chris stood there, stunned for a moment, before he turned on Scott.
“You bastard!” he yelled, and then went as red as Adam. Turning back to my mum and dad, he apologised, “Sorry, I didn't mean to swear. I'll just take my idiot brother home now.”
Scott and I couldn't help ourselves. We doubled over with laughter. Part of it was hysteria, and part of it was just a release of emotion after a stressful evening, but regardless, we just couldn't stop laughing.
Glaring at the two of us, Chris asked, “So does this mean that you finally told them?”
Still laughing, Scott said, “No.” When Chris looked confused, he added, “I let Adam tell them.”
Turning his back on the two of us in disgust, Chris spoke to my dad, “Just to make sure these clowns don’t try to confuse us again, will you tell me what he’s told you?”
Dad looked thoughtfully at Chris, but didn’t answer until he saw Scott wave at him to indicate that it was okay.
“Scott’s actually correct. He hasn’t told us anything. Instead, Adam introduced him as his boyfriend.”
Chris pumped his fist. “Yes!”
“And what do you know?” Dad asked, politely.
“I found out a few weeks ago that Scott’s gay. Since we found out about Adam, I’ve been hassling Scott to tell Adam, but he’s been too scared. To the best of my knowledge, no one else knows,” Chris answered. Frowning at where Scott and I were slowly recovering from our laughing fit, he added, “Though if he tries this again, I just might tell everyone, so I don’t have to go through it again.”
Scott sobered up instantly. “No!” he exclaimed, his terror obvious.
Chris smiled, “Just kidding, Scotty boy. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“So, where to from here?” Dad asked.
Everyone fell silent as we just looked at each other. What was the next step? Adam, through no real fault of his, was well and truly out. Scott, on the other hand, was well and truly still in the closet. How were they going to manage a relationship like that?
“Break,” I piped up, “I think I’m going to need lots of tutoring in Computer Studies. Do you think you can manage to get here most nights? Oh, and with the finals coming up, you’ll probably need to be here on weekends for basketball practice. What do think?”
Seeming hopeful, he looked at Chris. Seeing him smile, Scott turned back to me. “Sure thing, Stick!”
“Chris, what are your parents going to say if Scott is over here all the time?” Mum asked.
Chris looked thoughtfully at me. “David’s come up with some pretty good reasons for Scott to be here, at least for the next few weeks. If we still need excuses after that, we’ll think again. But until then it should be fine.”
“We’ll need to decide what to do about B1 and B2. They’re over here a lot,” Randy commented. Smiling at Scott, he added, “Given how they handled Ads, they should be cool with you too, Break.”
Scott looked nervous. “I’d prefer that they didn’t find out, at least for a while.”
“I understand, Break, but the more people to run interference, the easier it’ll be for you,” I said. When he looked blankly at me, I explained, “The more people there are hanging around Adam, the less chance there is that someone will notice that you’re always with him. As long as you can trust them, you’ll get more time with Adam without stress. Private time will have to wait until you’re here, but you can’t spend all your time lip-locked with him, anyway.”
He smiled at Adam. “Oh, I don’t know. Sounds like a good idea to me!” Turning back to me, he continued, “But I understand what you’re saying. Just give me some time to think about it?”
Adam broke in, looking puzzled, “David, why are you being so nice to Scott when you’ve been such a bastard to me?”
Glancing around, I found myself the centre of everyone’s attention. Scott gave me a small smile of encouragement, and with that I turned back to face Adam.
“We got off to a really bad start on Friday night, Adam, and I apologise again for that. Then Randy got hurt, and I blamed you. I know now that wasn’t fair, but that’s what I did. It’s taken me awhile, but I’ve finally realised that my problems with you are not really with you being gay. The problems of the last few days have been because somehow you’ve been messing up my relationships with Liz and Randy.” Before he could respond, I raised a hand. “Yes, I know that’s not your fault either, but I blamed you anyway. After having long talks with Michael today, and Gazza tonight, I’ve come to realise that. That’s why I barged into the room earlier tonight. I was going to tell you this.”
Looking over at Scott, I smiled. Brian was right. Scott and Adam as a couple were easier to handle than Adam by himself. My worries about Randy seemed to diminish.
Turning back to Adam, I said, “I’ll admit it was a shock to find out about Break, but I’m getting over that now. B2 said it would be easier if you had a boyfriend, and strangely, it does seem easier. So, I’m trying to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes with Break that I did with you. Does that make sense to you?”
Adam stared at me for a long time. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for his response. Still silent, he stood up and walked over to look out the kitchen window. The moonlight gave a soft glow to the countryside. Knowing from experience how restful it could be just gazing out, I waited.
“Okay,” he finally said in a soft voice. “You still have no idea what you did to me on Friday, and that’s going to take a long time to get over, but I’m willing to give you another chance.” Turning back, he stared at me with narrowed eyes. “I still can’t call you a friend. You’ve got a lot to prove before we can get back to that,” he added, firmly.
“Fair enough,” I replied, walking forward. “The ball's now in my court to prove my words with actions.”
I held out my hand to him. As I waited anxiously, he just looked at it. Finally, he reached out, nodding his head.
We shook hands.
Lying in bed that night, I thought about the days ahead. Adam and Scott still have a long way to go before they can settle down and just be a couple. Even if there weren’t outside pressures on them, they’re just starting out. I crossed my fingers for them as I hoped they will be happy together. We still didn't know how Scott's parents would react to the news, but with Chris on Break's side, I'm sure sanity will reign.
School was a big unknown. There were people like Ian who had come out of nowhere to support Adam, but others like Luke who were looking to make trouble. Today had just been the opening act. I was sure that there was a lot more trouble to come before Adam and Scott would be accepted at school. I hoped that the rumours about Randy would die quickly, but the next few days could be rough for him.
I wondered what was happening with Aiden. The logical place for him to be going to school now was the same public school as B1 and B2, but I wouldn't put it past Mr. Trent to send him somewhere further away. I'm sure the twins will let us know if he shows up there. Until then, there’s nothing we can do. I made a note to myself to try to find out when the trial will be. If Aiden's dad is put away, maybe Aiden can come back to school with us.
I suddenly remembered that my parents didn't have the guardianship papers signed. Did this mean that Adam could be leaving us at any time? Surely he couldn't be forced back to where his dad could have another go at him? I sighed as I realised that there were too many things I didn't know. Until something changes, I’ll just have to assume that Adam is staying.
Finally, I let my thoughts drift to Liz. She had told me that I had to look after Adam. I'm starting to do that now. Does this mean I have a chance of winning her back? Or have I burnt that bridge down? Should I try to talk to her tomorrow, or should I wait until she can see that I’m helping Adam?
One step at a time. While I want to get back with Liz so badly that it hurts, I have to mend my fences with Adam first. He’s family now. I have to prove I’m a friend, as well.
My last thought as I drifted off to sleep was that there are some interesting times ahead for all of us.
As we waited for the bus to take us to school on Tuesday morning, I watched Randy and Adam chatting. Even though his black eyes and swollen nose were not as prominent as they had been on Sunday, my brother still looked grotesque. Despite that, he exuded a cheerfulness that ran counter to his appearance.
Adam was obviously nervous. Each time he glanced in my direction I gave him a smile of encouragement, but I could tell he still didn’t know if he could trust me. Considering what I’d put him through, that was understandable. I thought we’d made some progress, but given that we hadn’t been talking just twenty-four hours prior, it was too much to expect that our immediate history would be forgotten so soon.
It was going to be Adam’s real first day as an “out” student at school. The previous day had just been the warm-up – the introduction to the main event. He was nervous, but so was I. I think I kept it off my face, but waves of terror kept sweeping through me as I thought about all the things that could go wrong. Randy was the only one who didn’t seem to be concerned.
As the bus arrived, we picked up our school bags and prepared to board. Hesitating, I turned to Adam.
“Do you want to sit anywhere in particular?” I asked.
He started biting his lower lip as he thought about the options. Setting his mouth into a firm line, he nodded his head, as if to himself.
“Somewhere in the middle; I’m not going to hide,” he stated firmly. He then ruined his appearance of confidence by looking for reassurance from my brother and me. Naturally, we both gave him grins in return. It seemed a good choice. The front is where it’s safest, as it’s near the driver. The back is where you go to hide or to get up to mischief.
As the bus doors opened, I entered first. Taking in the scene at a glance, I saw the usual set of students, all of them staring at us. Somehow, I doubted it was because of the way Randy looked.
Moving down the aisle, I came to the where a year 12 student, the only older kid on the bus, was slouched in the middle of a seat. Though he’s been on the same bus as us for as long as I can remember, I didn’t know his name. With a few exceptions, most students don’t chat outside their own class. It’s only when there are outside interests, like our basketball team, or Ian’s concern for Adam, that communication starts to flow across the years.
The guy didn’t look hostile; it was more the stare you’d give an interesting and unusual bug. I wasn’t sure if I was being brave or if it was just bravado, but I decided to make a stand.
“Is this seat taken?” I asked him politely.
Surprised, he glanced around at all the empty seats around us, before looking back at me.
“No,” he said, dragging the word out, as if to ask me what it was I trying to do.
“Good,” I said, and started to sit next to him. He quickly moved over to the window to give me room. Randy and Adam took the seat on the other side of the aisle, with Randy by the window.
As the bus pulled out, I heard Randy call out to the other kids at the back of the bus.
“Hi, guys! How’s it going?”
Twisting around, I saw the two students exchange a glance before giving Randy a nervous wave. It was obvious that they didn’t know what to say. I saw Randy frown slightly before he turned back towards the front. Those kids’ reaction wasn’t what he’d expected. Adam had tried to tell him that things would be different because of the rumours, but I don’t think Randy had taken the advice to heart. It looked like he was starting to understand how much things had changed.
Turning to the guy next to me, I held out a hand and said, “Hi, I’m David, though most people call me Stick.”
He cautiously shook my hand. “Harrison.”
“Hi, Harrison!” I said cheerfully, trying to put him at ease. “You’ve obviously heard some rumours, so why don’t you just ask me for the truth? That way you’ll know what’s going on before anyone else.”
He gave me an unreadable look. I could sense he was trying to edge away from me. If it hadn’t been for the seriousness of what I was trying to do, I would’ve laughed. He out-weighs me by a huge amount, yet he seemed scared of me.
“Are you trying to come on to me?” he asked tentatively.
“Okay, rumour number one,” I sighed. “No, I’m not gay. I’m straight. My friend, Adam, however, is gay. He’s been kicked out of his home because of it, so he’s staying with my brother and me.”
I could see curiosity warring with his instinct to mind his own business.
“Why are you telling me this?” he eventually asked.
Being honest with myself, I realised that I really didn’t know the answer to that one. I hadn’t intended to force a conversation with him when I had entered the bus, but some of Adam’s take-me-as-I-am attitude must have rubbed off on me. Rather than wait for the battle to come to us, I had elected to get in the first blow.
“Because you’ve obviously heard something, and I wanted to make sure it was the right story. Adam is going to have a hard time today. If I can make his life easier by getting the true story out, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
“You seem pretty relaxed about it,” Harrison commented neutrally.
I gave a short laugh. “I’ve been anything but relaxed. I had a really bad weekend over this issue, but I think I can understand Adam better now. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve gone through on anyone.”
He looked at me, obviously puzzled. He opened his mouth but then slammed it shut. He then effectively terminated the conversation by turning away.
I thought of trying to explain my last comment, but I didn’t think I could. After thinking about it, I just gave up. Harrison had been told the true story and I hoped he’d pass it on.
“Thanks, David,” Adam muttered from across the aisle.
When I turned my head to look at him, he gave me a small nod of appreciation. His expression was still one of resolution, but I could tell that was because he was still trying to psych himself up for the day ahead. His eyes glazed over as he returned to looking to the front of the bus. His mind was clearly not focused on the world around him.
If I were a psychology or sociology student, observing the range of behaviours as the other students boarded the bus would’ve been interesting. As it was, I was only interested in those who reacted negatively or strangely. I ignored the ones who seemed just curious or indifferent.
Trying to figure out the emotional responses of people I’m not familiar with is fraught with peril, but I was reasonably sure that there were only three students – two girls who got on together and a guy who got on a bit later – who gave overtly hostile glares at Adam. Those three were older students. There were a couple of younger kids who could only be described as scared, which was understandable if they thought that Adam was going to jump them. I hoped that over time they would realise that he’s not like that, remembering that that had been one of my concerns initially, too.
A number of people made disparaging remarks to each other as they passed us, but they didn’t direct them at Adam; they were all about poofs or queers in general. I was going to say something to the first pair of guys who said something like that, but Adam caught my eye and shook his head.
More disturbing was the reaction of a couple of Randy’s classmates. To his cheerful “Hi” they gave a curt, almost-rude response, and quickly moved on to the back of the bus. He twisted to watch them disappear, then turned back towards the front. He hadn’t expected that and was clearly perplexed. I found it more worrying than puzzling. The rumour mill had spread Aiden’s dad’s comment about Randy being Adam’s boyfriend and a lot of people seemed to have taken it to heart. In hindsight, Adam and Randy’s sitting together in the bus hadn’t been a smart move.
Rick’s reaction was encouraging, though. He made a point of saying hello to both Randy and Adam. He said that he hoped Randy would be okay for the basketball finals, as it wouldn’t be the same for them to beat us if he wasn’t there. Randy quickly retorted that he’d be ready, and it wouldn’t be us that would be losing. It looked like Rick was at least one person who had decided that things hadn’t changed.
I decided that if the people on the bus were indicative of the rest of the school, only a small minority of the student body would be hostile to Adam. I knew we’d still need to watch out for the arseholes, but I hoped the school policies on bullying and aggression would keep most of them under control. There would probably be a large group who would think of Adam as being fair game for teasing and abuse, but I thought they wouldn’t go out of their way to make trouble. The majority would just ignore him, as they’ve always done.
I was feeling a sense of mild optimism when we exited the bus. There was going to be trouble, that was obvious, but I didn’t think it would be a calamity. As long as enough people supported Adam, I thought things should be okay.
Glancing around the schoolyard, I felt my hands start to shake and my breath go short. I saw Liz talking to some of her girlfriends. I wondered if it was too early to tell her that I’d started looking out for Adam. That was what she had wanted me to do, and the issue we had broken up over.
I was vaguely aware of Randy and Adam saying something to me, but I wasn’t listening. I only had one thing in my sight and mind. Dragging myself reluctantly forward, I started to walk towards Liz. Trying to mentally prepare what I was going to say, all I could come up with was a lame “I’m sorry.”
Before I could reach her, another figure appeared in front of me, as if by magic.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” asked Fiona Britton, disgust dripping from every word.
“I need to speak to Liz,” I replied simply. Fiona was not the person I had to speak to.
As I tried to step around her, she moved to intercept me.
“Well, she doesn’t need to speak to you,” Fiona spat at me. As I flinched at her tone, she added, “Don’t you think you’ve done enough already? Keep away from her and she’ll be happy, okay?”
I swayed on my feet as I tried to absorb what she was saying, wondering if I was too late.
Fiona stuck her face in front of mine, leaving only inches between us. “Okay?” she repeated forcibly.
“Okay,” I sighed. With my shoulders slumping and my head hanging, I slunk away. Fiona had delivered the message that Liz didn’t want me. My ex-girlfriend clearly hated me so much that she couldn’t even let me speak to her. I would have to find time to rebuild my life without Liz, but I wasn’t in the mood to start just then.
Lifting my head, I scanned around for Adam. Even if Liz and I were finished, I was going to honour her last request of me. It was the right thing to do, anyway.
I spotted Adam talking with a couple of girls. Randy had disappeared, probably to find his friends. Wandering over, I forced my depression into a corner of my mind. I needed to do one thing at a time. I would sort myself out over Liz later.
As I approached, I recognised Maise and Helen, the two girls who had accosted Adam in our last history class. I thought Adam might need rescuing again.
“Hi, David,” Adam said cheerfully as I joined them. Unlike his previous encounter with them, he didn’t seem stressed by the girls.
“G’day, Helen, Maise. Looking forward to another dreary day of having facts pounded into our heads?” I asked, forcing myself to appear happy to see them. Adam didn’t seem to need help, but a change of topic wouldn’t have hurt, anyway.
“Oh, hi, David,” Helen said with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. “We were just asking Adam about his plans for the weekend.”
“I was telling them that I’m going to be busy this weekend, but I thanked them for the offer to go out,” Adam explained to me. Turning back to girls, he continued, “Perhaps sometime over Easter? I’m a little new to this, but maybe you can suggest somewhere we could all go to check out some cute guys? I’m looking forward to being able to really look at boys without worrying if anyone is going to spot me. Who knows? I might find myself a boyfriend!”
I rocked back at that, and the two girls were clearly shocked as well. This was just so different to the Adam of the day before, I couldn’t believe it. It was as if he had taken some mood-altering drugs. Nothing else seemed to explain the sudden change. I’ve heard stories about how gays will go for anything in pants, but I hadn’t expected Adam to be like that. It was less than a day since he’d gotten himself a boyfriend, and he was already talking about looking around for someone else.
“Maybe some other time, then,” Maise said quickly. After sharing a glance with Helen, she added, “We have to get going. We’ll see you around, Adam. You too, Stick.”
Adam kept a straight face until the girls had disappeared into the mob of students waiting to start school. He then broke out in a huge grin. “That was fun. I think they honestly believed that I wanted to go out looking at guys with them!”
“What was all that about?” I asked, perplexed. “Yesterday you were like a frightened rabbit around them.”
Adam looked around quickly to make sure we wouldn’t be overheard. Even so, he leant forward and whispered, “Yesterday, I didn’t have a boyfriend. Knowing Scott is there for me makes all the difference. I have that much more confidence because of him.”
Pausing, he straightened up and gave me a critical look.
“You and Giant have also helped,” he added in a normal voice. “And your parents, and Chris. I have people pulling for me. I know it wasn’t the case, but yesterday I felt alone. Today, I don’t.”
It was that simple. Adam probably didn’t realise it, but he had just delivered a massive blow to my emotional solar plexus. After all the pain I had put him through on the past Friday night, on Monday I had abandoned him again. At the time, I had thought I had reason to, but I really hadn’t. It would’ve been different if Randy had been at school, instead of being kept home, but Adam was right. He had been left alone. Alone and vulnerable.
Guilt ran through me as I contemplated what I done. Dad had made sure Randy and I had understood the danger that Adam had been in while he was homeless. Because of my actions and words, I had pushed Adam further along the path of depression. Liz had told me to help Adam, and all I’d done was drive him closer to suicide.
“Ads, wait up?”
As one, we turned to see Gary jogging up to join us.
“Hi, Gazza,” Adam said cautiously. I could sense that he was ready to fight or flee if things didn’t go well.
“I just wanted to say hi, and to let you know that I’ll be around if you need me,” Gary stated, not taking his eyes off Adam.
Adam looked startled, then grinned. “Thanks, Gazza. I really appreciate it.”
“What are mates for, if not for sticking up for each other when one’s in trouble?” Gary asked rhetorically, shrugging his shoulders. Before we could say anything, he added, “Got to go. I have to see Mary before the first class.”
With that, he was gone.
Adam and I exchanged looks, before Adam gave me a wry grin.
“Fast, furious and to the point. Gary hasn’t changed!” he remarked. I could tell that adding another name to the list of supporters had further boosted his confidence.
I smiled back at him, while thinking that Gary had changed. Before the phone call I’d had with him, he had been cold on Adam. It was only after we’d chatted that he, like me, had decided that Adam is harmless; just a friend who needs some help.
The question that Gary had raised about mates was stuck in my mind. For me, the problem is always how to work out who my mates are. For all of the horror weekend, Adam had been conspicuously absent from that list. I wanted to put him back, but it was hard work. It was not only that Adam wasn’t sure he wanted to be on that list, but also things like the incident with the girls, where he acted so different to what I was used to. There was so much I didn’t understand about what “gay” meant. I knew it couldn’t be as simple as Randy had made out, or even Ian’s explanation. I knew there was more to it than just a question of the sex of the person they love. It had to make an overall difference in the way they thought about things. Hearing Adam talk about perving on other guys had unsettled me. I didn’t know how that would affect the way I dealt with him.
As we headed to our first class, I dropped back to appraise Adam with a fresh eye. He looked confident, but he wasn’t strutting. He seemed to realise there were times he could play up on his being gay, like with the two girls, and other times he had to let it slide, like at the snide remarks on the bus. I wanted to get back to being his friend, but I wasn’t sure who I’d face at any given time: the gay Adam or the pseudo-straight one?
As I entered my English class, I realised I had to make a decision. Adam was likely to take his usual place by the window in the middle. If I took a position near him, I’d probably also be close to where Liz would be sitting. I really wanted to avoid that.
“Adam,” I started hesitantly, “do you mind if I sit at the back? I’m not ready to face Liz.”
He looked at me blankly. Then, as the light dawned, his eyes opened wide.
“David, you don’t have to sit in the back, but if you want to then that’s okay.”
I was surprised at that. He was making it sound like he wanted me to confront Liz. After what she and I had said to each other, I didn’t think that would be a good idea. Fiona had made that very clear.
With a quickly expressed thank you, I retreated to the back of the room. I was attracting a few looks again, but not as many as I had expected. Most of the others in the class were concentrating their attention on Adam. He just sat there and ignored them. The half-smile on his face was causing a bit of gossip, from what I could overhear. I knew where it came from, but some of those I overheard had expected him to be a scared, quivering wreck. That half-smile was confusing them.
Liz entered a few minutes before the class was due to start. Unlike the day before, she spotted me immediately. Instead of hiding behind a book, I just stared at her. I wanted some more memories to hold onto.
She gave me a look I couldn’t translate. She was obviously trying to hold something in, but I couldn’t tell what it was; I hoped it was anger, not hatred. I didn’t think I could stand it if she started hating me.
Turning away from me, she headed over and sat down next to Adam. When she started pulling out her books, I realised that she was making a gesture of support for him. In a strange way, it made me happy. Even though Adam had been the cause of our break-up, both of us were working towards the common goal of helping him.
Adam and Liz chatted for the remaining time before the class started. He seemed genuinely happy to talk with her. I couldn’t help staring; she looked so animated and cheerful that I felt gutted. My heart sank deeper into despair as it appeared that she was over me already. It seemed clear I had no chance of regaining her affection.
When Gary arrived at the last minute, the only vacant chairs were near Adam. Without any hesitation, Gary sat down in one of them, said hello to Adam and Liz and then started to get his books out, ready for the class. He gave me one long look, but when he followed it with a flick of the eyes toward Liz, I knew he understood why I was at the back of the room.
Mr. Landsmith arrived right on time, as usual. Without pausing, he started the class and proceeded to lecture us on the things we would need to know for the following week’s exam. Taking notes, and mentally comparing them with what I knew, took my mind off my worries, at least partially. I caught the teacher giving me a strange look a couple of times, but I suppose that was because I’m normally closer to the front and more involved than I was at the moment. I just didn’t feel like drawing attention to myself by interacting as I usually do. I just wanted to stay back and let the world forget about me for a while.
At the end of the period, Liz gave Adam a quick peck on the cheek and disappeared out the door. I moved forward and joined Gary and Adam, and we left the room as a group. Gary’s next class wasn’t too far from where Adam and I were taking maths, so he was with us for most of the way there. There was one clear call of “fucking poofs,” but when I scanned the crowd I couldn’t work out who had said it.
“Ignore them,” Adam advised out of the corner of his mouth. “As long as it’s only words, it means nothing.”
I wasn’t sure. Letting too many taunts go by without a comeback would just encourage more of the same. However, it was Adam’s call. He was the one to decide which battles he wanted to wage and which ones to avoid.
Scott was waiting anxiously by the maths classroom door when Adam and I arrived. With a relieved grin, he came up to say hello.
“Hi, guys! Everything okay?” he asked casually, though Adam and I both knew how seriously he meant it.
“Everything’s fine, Break,” Adam responded cheerfully.
With that, I noticed a subtle tension leave Scott’s body. If I hadn’t been looking for it, I wouldn’t have caught it, but clearly Scott had been worried about Adam.
Finding empty seats near each other, we sat down and prepared for the class. I thought about asking Adam to help me with my maths homework that night, even though he isn’t the most brilliant student around. Of course, almost everyone in the class is better than me. I just have trouble thinking the way maths requires. We had an exam coming up on trigonometry, but I still was getting my sines and cosines around the wrong way, let alone the perversions I could make tangents do. My state of mind wasn’t helping either.
I was pleasantly surprised when Peter Papadopolous came in and said hello to me. Given that he had berated me for not sticking up for Adam in front of Luke Williams, I was intrigued as to why he did it. All I could think of was that Scott must have had a chat with Peter after that encounter. Either that or someone had told him that Adam and I seemed to have patched up our differences. He also nodded to Adam, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t the best response, but it showed a degree of acceptance that I hoped the other students would pick up on. A neutral indifference is a vast improvement over even mild distaste, let alone outright hostility.
I managed to concentrate during the lesson and was beginning to think that I might have a chance with the exam the next week, when the PA system burst to life.
“Adam Kennedy to the office. Can Adam Kennedy please come to the office immediately.”
Everyone turned to stare at him. I heard a couple of people behind me snicker, as if hoping Adam was in trouble. What surprised me most, though, was seeing a huge grin appear on Adam’s face as he rose to his feet. A quick glance around showed I wasn’t the only one startled. I saw several whispered conversations that almost universally ended with someone shrugging their shoulders. No one seemed to know why Adam appeared so glad to be called to the school office. Even Scott looked worried.
“May I be excused?” Adam asked politely, still smiling happily.
With a wave of his hand, Mr. Irving dismissed Adam. He was obviously disgruntled at the disruption to his class, but there was nothing he could do about it except scowl at Adam’s retreating back.
A wave of muttering spread across the room, only to die into sudden silence as the sharp clap of a long, wooden ruler striking the top of the teacher’s desk stopped all conversation.
“If you insist on chatting instead of listening to what you need to know for next week’s exam, then I’ll be happy to start the test now,” Mr. Irving said menacingly. Everyone knew that was not an idle threat. Two years ago he had carried out that promise, to the chagrin of one of the year 11 classes. None of those students are still at the school, but having an entire class fail a test because they weren’t given enough time to finish is not something that students forget quickly. It was lucky for that class that it was only an internal test. Some kids doubted he’d have been allowed to get away with it if it had been an externally-set exam.
Despite that, Scott and I exchanged looks. With a raise of his eyebrows, he silently asked if I knew what was going on. By shrugging my shoulders I told him I had no idea.
The rest of the lesson dragged on. My concentration had been shattered by Adam’s departure and I couldn’t regain it. By the end of the lesson, Adam had still not returned.
As I rose to my feet, Scott and Peter joined me.
“Any ideas on what’s happened to Adam?” Peter asked me. He was curious, but I could detect a touch of concern in his voice as well.
“Not a clue,” I responded with a shrug. “All I can say is that he seemed totally happy to be called out of the class.”
“It was as if he was expecting it,” Scott added in a distracted tone, as he let his eyes drift in the direction of the school office.
“Yeah, and that it was good news,” Peter said, plainly perplexed. “Do you mind if I stick around with you guys for a bit at lunchtime? I hate having to wait to find out what’s going on, and I think Adam will seek you out as soon as he’s free.”
I laughed, though my heart wasn’t really in it. “I have never, in all these years, picked you as a gossip, Peter.”
He shrugged before giving me a sheepish grin. “Different circles, Stick.”
As we turned to leave the room I noticed Andrew Driver, another classmate, hovering nearby. I don’t think I’d said more than two words to him all year, so I stared at him quizzically.
“David,” he said, making my name sound incredibly formal, “Ian said to say he’ll catch up with you near the end of lunch by the outside basketball courts. He’s got a few things he has to do first.”
I just stared at him as I tried to work out what the fuck was he talking about.
“Ian said you wanted to talk to him today. Is that right?” he asked nervously. His eyes started to dart between the three of us, as if trying to keep an eye out for trouble.
“Yeah,” I said slowly, “But how did you know that?”
Relieved, he grinned. “Ian’s my cousin. When I heard what Adam had said at the end of the maths class yesterday, I went and told Ian straight away. I knew he’d be interested.”
I was still trying to put all of that together when Scott piped up.
“So, you’re the one we have to thank for Ian’s fortuitous arrival yesterday,” he remarked. “Thanks, Andrew, it was very much appreciated!”
Andrew blushed a bit and turned his head away slightly. “It was nothing,” he muttered, before spinning around abruptly and heading out the door.
“He’s always been so quiet,” Peter stated, as if talking to himself. “I never knew he’s Ian Ashton’s cousin.”
I don’t know how he could’ve known. There’s absolutely no physical resemblance between them. Ian is a huge, hulking footballer. Andrew is a short, weedy intellectual. About the only thing they have in common is the colour of their hair.
As the three of us strolled to our lockers to dump our excess books, I noticed a few odd looks, but I didn’t hear any comments. The rumour that I was gay seemed to be dying. Either that or Peter’s presence forced a silence on those who would have otherwise said something. There’s a certain advantage in having one of the more popular students walking with you.
My locker was the last one we visited. As we turned the corner to get to it, I was startled to see Michael O’Conner leaning against the wall nearby.
“Hi, Stick,” he said, straightening up and sticking out a hand in greeting. “I heard the announcement for Adam, and I thought I’d come to find out what’s going on.”
Grasping his hand, I looked carefully at his face. It was as if he had a mask on; there was an expression of politeness there, but all other emotions were hidden away.
“Sorry, Mike. We have no ideas what it’s about. Adam never came back to the class,” I told him.
He frowned as he looked in the direction of the school office, as if he could see through the buildings to what was going on.
“That’s almost an hour ago,” he said slowly.
“Tell us about it,” Peter injected. “I’m dying to know what’s going on as well.”
We wandered out to take up positions on the benches by the basketball courts. Adam knows that’s one of our favourite places for lunch, so it was the best place to wait for him.
Scott was the first one to spot him, before we had gotten to the benches.
“There he is!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet and pointing.
We all saw Adam ambling towards us. He looked distracted, and didn’t even flinch when an older student went out of his way to bump him with his shoulder.
“Watch where you’re going, you fucking faggot!”
Adam just waved a hand, without even looking at the guy. “Sorry,” he said, as if on automatic.
The other guy started to growl something, but then spotted Scott, Peter, Michael and me approaching. With a wordless snarl, he turned and stormed off. I slowed as I tried to memorise the face. I’d seen him around the schoolyard before, but I didn’t know his name. Given the way he deliberately ran into Adam, I knew I needed to correct that. I had a hunch that we, or at least Adam, would be seeing more of him.
“Ads! What were you called into the office about?” Scott asked, concerned.
Adam just smiled at him, before turning to me.
“David, your mum said to say hi.”
“What was my mum doing here?” I asked, surprised at the sudden topic change.
As we walked on towards the seats by the outside courts, Adam replied in a contented, if distracted, tone, “She brought my mum to the school to see me. Mum wouldn’t sign the papers until she’d spoken to me in person.”
“What papers?” Peter asked quickly, before anyone else could say anything.
“Guardianship papers, so my parents can legally look after Adam,” I remarked absently, as I tried to work out what was going on. “So that’s why your mum didn’t sign them yesterday?”
“Yep,” Adam said cheerfully. I could tell he was still on a high from seeing his mum for what I suddenly realised was the first time in week. He acted as if he should be walking about a foot off the ground.
“We had a good private chat in the principal’s office, and then she signed the papers in front of Mr. Pitt. The school has a copy, too.” He gave me a grin before adding, “It’s official. I’m now your brother, David.”
“That’s all I need,” I groused. “Another younger brother.”
I instantly regretted my attempt at humour, as Adam started to scowl. “Only joking!” I quickly added with a grin. I was too slow, though, because Adam still gave me a hard look before turning to the others. Yet again, my big mouth had done me a disservice; Adam’s happy mood had disappeared.
“So, your mum is cool with you?” Scott asked.
“Yeah, she is,” Adam replied with a grin to his boyfriend. I made a mental note to speak to him privately later. It may have been only because I knew, but I thought the smile he gave Scott showed a lot more affection than is safe for a guy to give another guy, especially when the smiler is gay.
“What about your dad? He’s gone off his nut, hasn’t he?” Scott queried.
“Mum thinks so. She’s really worried about him. She’s organising for Kelly to move out, just in case,” Adam said, clearly worried.
When we arrived at the seats, Adam remained standing while Scott, Michael and I sat down. Peter just leant against the tree that was there.
“Why doesn’t she just leave him?” Peter asked.
Adam stared at him and then turned to look away into the distance.
“ ‘For richer, for poorer; for better, for worse; in sickness and in health; until death do us part,’ ” he quoted in a distant tone.
“What was that all about?” I asked.
He turned to me and gave me a half-smile. “That’s what Mum replied when I asked her the same question,” he answered quietly but firmly. “She thinks he’s sick and he needs help. She won’t abandon him just when he needs her. If she was forced to, she said she’d pick me over him, but only if forced. Until then, she’s willing to let me go now, so she can have both of us in the future. That’s why she wanted to see me before she’d sign those papers.”
There was silence at that. As Adam turned away, lost in his thoughts, the rest of us exchanged amazed looks. Adam’s mum was giving him away in the hope that father and son could eventually be reconciled. Because it was being done with love, Adam didn’t feel betrayed. If anything, he was ecstatic.
After a couple of minutes, Adam lifted a hand and wiped it across his face. As he turned back to face us, we could all see where he’d just wiped away some tears. The smile on his face made it clear that those had been tears of joy.
Standing up, I turned and looked over at the others. It suddenly struck me that I didn’t understand why Michael was there. Peter had been up-front about simply being curious, though there may have been more to it than that. He was clearly about to head off, as he was pulling himself away from the tree he had been leaning against, and was picking up his bag. Michael, though, had originally expressed concern about knowing what was going on, but even though he’d just learnt what had happened and why, he was showing no signs that he was going to move. He had also gone out of his way to wait by my locker.
“Okay, everyone. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you all around, later. Good luck, Adam, with everything,” Peter said, before striding off.
Once Peter was gone, I decided to take this chance to try to find out what was making Michael tick.
“Mike,” I asked, “why are you hanging around with us? Not that I mind,” I added quickly, “but you never have before.”
He looked at me, poker-faced, before turning to stare across the school grounds. As he did, I could see the mask drop away from his face and an expression of horror appear.
“My dad,” he whispered, before shuddering. “He brought home some photos from work last night. He told me that the pictures showed the results of gay bashing.”
Ignoring me, Michael turned around to look at Adam. Michael probably didn’t see it, but Scott was staring at him open-mouthed. I could feel the apprehension for what he was about to hear radiating from Break.
“He never told me to hang around with you, Adam, but I know what he wants me to do. He showed me those photos so I would know what can happen if no one stands up for you. My dad has told me that personally he can’t stand most of the gays he’s met. He thinks they act too much like girls. But he’s told me that they’re just the obvious gays, and no one, absolutely no one, deserves what was done to the guys in those pictures.”
With another shudder running through his body, he dropped his eyes to the ground.
“One set of photos were taken from the morgue,” he finished in a tortured whisper.
Adam and Scott exchanged glances. The fear they were feeling was palpable. Any chance of Scott coming out of the closet in the near future had just taken a huge dive.
I had just gone numb. It didn’t seem real to me, what Michael was saying. In my head, I could hear his words, but the implications just weren’t coming through. He was talking as if Adam was in danger of being badly hurt, or even killed!
Eyes still downcast, Michael continued, “That’s why I’m here. Dad’s always taught me about right and wrong, and I want him to be proud of me.” Looking up at Adam, he added, “He’s told me that you can’t help being who you are. You’re the way God intended you to be. I don’t have to like you, though I do think you’re an okay sort of guy, but he says everyone should step in to stop injustice. Those that stand by and let it happen are as bad as those who do it.”
Stepping forward, I put a hand on Michael’s shoulder. As he turned to look at me, the mask he first wore was coming back, hiding his emotions behind a wall, again.
“Thanks, Michael. It’s really appreciated,” I said. “I’ll have to check with my mum, but would you and your family like to come around to our place one weekend? I think it would be good for us to all get together, sometime.”
Michael gave me a small smile. “Thanks, Stick. I’d like that. I’ll ask my dad tonight.”
For a couple of minutes, no one knew what to say. First, Adam had given us his good news, putting everyone on a high. Then, Michael had dropped his bombshell and the atmosphere had chilled instantly. My mind was racing in circles, trying to find something to focus on.
As I let my gaze wander aimlessly over the yard, I made eye contact with a student on the far side of the basketball courts. It was as if I had been shot by an arrow of hatred. The emotions that came through, even from that distance, were strong and dark. That guy was watching us with what appeared to be a deep and lasting hate.
As the guy broke eye contact and started to walk away, I recognised him as the person who’d bumped into Adam on our way to the courts.
“Quick, guys. Anyone know who that is?” I asked, pointing. I was anxious for the others to also see the guy.
“Who?” Scott asked, as he peered in the direction I was indicating.
“The guy with the red bag. Black hair, thin. He’s heading towards the art rooms,” I described quickly.
“I see him!” Adam exclaimed.
“Do you know him?” I asked again.
“Nope,” Adam replied, shaking his head as he turned back to me, “Why?”
“He’s the guy that went out of his way to bump you as you arrived. I just saw him staring daggers at us,” I said, trying to convey the hatred I had felt radiating from the guy.
Adam shrugged. “I get bumped all the time, now. No big deal.”
I resisted the impulse to throttle him for not seeing that we need to know who’s likely to make problems for him.
“I think he’s going to cause trouble,” I said with exasperation. “We need to know who he is so we can be prepared.”
Adam sneered at me. “You think he’s going to cause trouble,” he repeated sarcastically. “Half the school could be about to harass me. What’s so special about this one guy?”
I clenched my fists to stop them from grabbing him by the throat. It was clear that I still had a long way to go before he accepted me. However, the ball was firmly in my court. I had to show him, by actions, not words, that I wanted to be his friend.
“He’s not in our year,” Michael interjected thoughtfully from where he was sitting on the bench. “I think he’s in year 11, but it could be year 12.”
“You didn’t see how he looked at us, or the way he went out of his way to bump into you before,” I tried to explain to Adam. “Call it a gut feeling, if you like, but I don’t think that was a one-off incident.”
Adam just shrugged and turned away. It was clear he didn’t think much of it. I wondered if he would have been so indifferent if someone else had been the one who had spotted the guy. He was accepting my help, but he still couldn’t bring himself to trust me.
Michael rose to his feet. “I’ll do a bit of checking around to see if I can find out who he is.”
I watched Michael leave, with a sense of relief and gratitude. Someone was taking me seriously. Until the guy did something, there wasn’t a lot more I could do, so I pushed the issue to the back of my mind.
As Michael strode off, I looked around carefully to see if we could be overheard. Seeing no one nearby, I turned to Scott. He and Adam needed to talk. Adam must have been dying to tell him about the chat with his mum.
“I’ll just be over there,” I said to Scott, pointing to the end of the basketball court. “Give me a yell if you need me to come back.” After giving him a critical look, I smiled and added, “Just keep your hands to yourself. Talking; no touching. And make sure you’re not overheard.”
Scott looked perplexed for a moment, then blushed as he realised what I meant. With a grin, I left him to have a private chat with his boyfriend. The smile fell from my face as I recalled the times I’d had private chats with my girlfriend in the schoolyard; a privilege I’d recently lost.
Forcing my mind away from happy memories that were causing so much pain, I realised I couldn’t leave Scott and Adam alone for too long, or too often. Scott wants, and probably needs, to keep on hiding. He’s going to come into some ribbing, simply for being a friend of Adam’s, but as long as enough of us run interference, no one should suspect the truth.
While I was working out what other opportunities I could create for Adam and Scott, I saw Randy, eyes downcast, shuffling slowly across the school grounds. His usual energetic walk had been replaced with a lethargy that looked unnatural on my normally happy brother. Worried about what may have happened, I strode over to intercept him.
“What’s up, Randy?” I asked, concerned. “Is there something wrong?”
He looked up at me. I was relieved to see he wasn’t distressed. I had been privately worried about what the other kids in his classes may have been saying to him; knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Instead of looking distressed, he looked puzzled, as if there was a problem he just couldn’t understand.
“Do you remember our chat the night Adam first stayed at our place?” he asked, his mind obviously not totally in the here-and-now.
I was confused. “Which chat?”
“The one about me having more confidence in my friends than you seem to have in yours,” he answered, beginning to focus on me instead of his thoughts.
“What happened? Did one of them say something to upset you?”
He shook his head. “No. I was right about that, at least to a degree. Practically all of them came up to me to say that they don’t have a problem with me being gay. It doesn’t bother them.”
I stared for a second in disbelief, before responding. “But you’re not gay!”
“I know. That’s what I told them,” Randy said, looking at me like he wanted help to understand what was going on.
“They don’t believe me.”
Of all the things that could’ve occurred, that was one I hadn’t thought of.
I was ready for my brother to be accused of being gay. I was hoping that most people would not believe it, though I knew it was only a faint hope. But for him to be accepted as gay by his friends – that was something I just never considered as a possibility.
I suppose it’s because his friends are all around his age or younger. They just haven’t had a chance to hear the things that might’ve changed their minds. After all, Randy accepted Adam easily, so I suppose it’s not unreasonable for Randy’s peers to do the same for him.
But why don’t they believe him when he tells them that he’s not gay?
“Did they tell you why they don’t believe you?” I asked, desperate to find an answer for this. If even his friends believe he’s gay, there is no chance that the rest of the school will think otherwise.
“Well, there were a few things,” he admitted sheepishly. “I’d accidentally mentioned that Adam was staying in my room, and they’d heard that we sat together on the bus this morning. Then, of course, there’s the story about how I defended him on the basketball court last Saturday. I also came down heavy on one of my friends when he said something about Adam.”
He blushed and looked away guiltily. “I may have overdone it a bit. They’re all convinced that Adam’s my boyfriend, and that I was defending him as such on Saturday.”
I was ready to throttle him, except that I knew he’s always been too open to hide things. As a consequence, he tends to tell things as they are, and just lives with any fallout that results.
“I warned you about letting Adam stay in your room, didn’t I?” I pointed out, though without any heat. He didn’t need me to be telling him off.
He scowled. “It was still the right thing to do! You didn’t hear Adam crying out in the middle of that first night. I did, and I was glad that I was there. He needed someone to be with him, and he still does now,” he stated forcibly. With a sigh, and much quieter, he added, “He had a nightmare last night, too. I suspect they’ll be going on for some time.”
I hadn’t realised. It should’ve been obvious, but it just never occurred to me that Adam would be having nightmares. He can cope during the day, but at night his defences drop. Just like my situation with Liz is worse at night, so is Adam’s. At least I haven’t been having nightmares.
“You’re right,” I conceded with a sigh. “Now what are we going to do?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not really causing a problem. I just wish they’d believe me.”
“Come on. Let’s join Adam and Scott. Maybe they’ll have some ideas about this,” I suggested.
As we walked slowly towards the others, another thought struck me.
“What about that girl you mentioned when I asked you if you’re gay? Why don’t you tell your friends about her?”
He grimaced. “I’d prefer not to. That’s a private thing; not something to spread around the school.”
“Who was it, anyway?”
“No comment,” he replied cheekily. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Seriously, you might have to,” I stated, worried. “If things get bad, you may need to prove that you’re not gay. That girl may be the only thing that will stop it.”
Randy laughed. “You worry too much, Stick. Things are not going to get bad. I have most of my friends supporting me. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks.”
I was concentrating on my brother so hard that I didn’t even check to see if I was interrupting anything between Adam and Scott. I just walked up to them.
“You said most of your friends,” I half-stated, half-asked.
Randy sighed. “Vera and Doug have been avoiding me. They don’t want to talk. But all the rest have been great!” he finished enthusiastically.
I noticed Scott and Adam looking a little puzzled.
“Giant has been getting lots of support from most of his friends. They all think there’s nothing wrong with him being gay,” I explained, ending with a touch of sarcasm.
“I’ve told them that I’m not gay,” Randy added with a shrug. “They don’t believe me.”
Adam gave a short laugh, while struggling to keep a smile from his face. “Let me guess. You’re supposed to be my boyfriend?”
Randy blushed and gave a quick nod. I saw him flash a guilty look at Scott.
Scott gave a quick glance around to make sure we wouldn’t be overheard, before turning back to Randy.
“Don’t worry about it, Giant. I know you’re not. If anything, it’s going to keep attention off me,” he said in a low voice.
“Hey, wait a minute!” I jumped in quickly. “Randy is not going to pretend to be Adam’s boyfriend to make your life easier!”
“Keep your voice down, David!” Adam demanded in a low, angry voice. He looked around, worried, as did I, but there was no one near us.
“Sorry, but I still don’t want Randy involved,” I repeated in a quieter tone.
I then noticed my brother looking thoughtful.
“Don’t even think it, Randy!” I said, almost jumping down his throat. I could tell he was seriously considering the idea.
“It’s not going to hurt me any more than the rumours going around already,” he pointed out, “and it’ll help out in other ways.”
“But if you do that, then it’ll be impossible to convince anyone that you’re not gay!” I cried.
He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “You have a problem with having a gay brother?”
“I’ve already got one; I don’t need two!” I replied frantically. I was beginning to think he was going to do it!
“I think I’m with David on this one,” Adam broke in tentatively. “You may not have been hassled so far today, but you will be, I promise you. You don’t want to go through that if you can avoid it.”
I was surprised but pleased at Adam’s support of my position. As I looked at him, he gave me a small grin before he turned back to Randy.
“So, both your brothers are telling you to not do it. Are you going to be stubborn, or listen to reason?” Adam asked. “You’re a bit big for us to try to beat some sense into you.”
Puzzled, Randy started swivelling his head back and forth as he looked at the two of us in turn. Suddenly his eyes lit up and his mouth stretched into a wide grin.
“The papers have been signed!” he exclaimed joyfully.
“That’s right, little brother,” Adam grinned back, as he leant forward, “so please remember that you’ve just been pushed down the pecking order and start respecting your betters.”
“Oh, I’ve always respected the elderly,” Randy retorted with a grin, “and I’ve always respected Break. He’s the only other decent basketball player on the team!”
With the change of subject, we settled into a furious debate on how exactly the changes were going to affect things. Scott took the job of refereeing the family discussion, though he showed a noticeable bias in Adam’s favour. Neither Randy nor I minded, though. It was better than letting the previous discussion go on. I shuddered mentally at the mere idea of Randy deliberately presenting himself as a target for all the idiots at school.
While we still having our friendly argument, I noticed Gary and Mary approaching, hand-in-hand. They were clearly heading our way.
“G’day, guys! How are things going?” Gary asked. While normally this would be a rhetorical question, we could all tell that this once he meant it seriously.
“Apparently, I’m supposed to be gay,” Randy announced pontifically.
Gary gave him a look of mock disgust. “I think even Adam will agree that no one is supposed to be gay. You are or you aren’t, Giant.”
Glancing over at Adam, he added in an almost anxious tone, “Is that right, Ads?”
Adam grinned back at him. “You don’t have to treat me like I’m about to break, Gazza. And I think you’re right.” He paused, then continued, “Though that will depend on what you mean by ‘supposed to be’. I don’t think anyone is supposed to be anything.”
“So, are you?” Gary asked Randy. It was done in a light tone, as if the answer really didn’t matter.
My brother raised his hand and placed a finger at the side of his head as he theatrically considered the question.
“No, he’s not!” I jumped in, just in case Randy decided to deliberately give the wrong answer.
After a mock scowl at me, he grinned at Gary and Mary. “No, I’m not,” he agreed, “though all my friends seem to think I am. They’ve been telling me all morning that they don’t mind.”
“What did they say when you told them you’re not?” Mary asked.
My brother’s façade broke at that and some of his worries came through. “They don’t believe me,” he stated softly. His confusion was obvious.
Mary and Gary exchanged surprised looks.
“Why the fuck not?” Gary asked angrily.
Randy looked embarrassed. Staring at the ground, he replied hesitantly, “Ummm… they just added up a few things and… er… came up with the wrong answer.”
As he finished, he looked up and caught my eye, sending me a silent appeal to help him out.
With a sigh, I explained. “Giant let it slip that Adam’s sharing his room. They’ve heard how Adam and Giant sat together on the bus this morning and about the fight on Saturday. He also came down heavy on one of his friends who made a comment about Adam. Throw in the rumour going through the school, and they’re all convinced that Adam is Randy’s boyfriend.”
“They don’t have a problem with that! Maria even went as far as saying she thought it was cute. They keep telling me that I don’t have to deny it to them,” Randy hurriedly added, as if to make sure that we wouldn’t think the worst of his friends.
Gary threw his hands up in the air. “I give up! I don’t know what is going on anymore!”
“You and me, both,” I whispered to myself as I stared at the ground. Life was becoming too confusing.
“What about you, Stick? How are you doing?” Mary asked gently.
I looked up in surprise at the question and found myself the centre of attention. I knew what she was talking about, but I hesitated as I tried to work out if I wanted everyone to know my thoughts.
“I’ve been better,” I eventually answered, looking away as I tried to control the tremor I felt run through my body.
Feeling someone grab my upper arm, I turned to find Randy standing by me.
“It’s your turn to talk, David,” he said quietly. “Get it out of your system.”
I was suddenly furious.
“How dare you tell me when it’s time to talk!” I yelled at my brother as I shook his hand off my arm. “You aren’t the one whose life has been gutted. You don’t have to watch the person you love and know that you can’t even go up and talk to her.”
With a sudden thud, my anger fell away. All that was left was a feeling of emptiness.
“You aren’t the one who knows he’s wrecked his chance at being happy,” I finished softly as I looked away to the place where Liz and I used to have our lunches together when we wanted some time alone.
As if on autopilot, I started to walk towards that spot. Behind me, I heard a compassionate voice say, “Let him go.” It might have been Gary, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t really care. Instead, a flood of memories was welling up and blurring my vision.
As I sank down and sat by the tree where Liz and I had shared so much, I closed my eyes and bowed my head. I didn’t want to cry, so I struggled to keep my tears in check. What was I supposed to do now? With nothing else of importance to occupy it, my mind wandered through bittersweet memories; sweet because they were of happy times; bitter because I knew they were the only ones I’d have.
While there isn’t much that we could do here at school, in public, we had a lot of deep conversations at this place. It was here that we explored our interests in music, animals and life in general. It was here that we made our plans for the Christmas holidays; where we first spoke of my joining her family for New Year’s Eve. It was here that ultimately I fell in love with her.
To control myself, I struggled to hold back my knowledge of recent events and just let the memories spring forth. I wasn’t totally successful, but I could feel a smile on my face that reflected the happy times I was remembering. Despite my efforts, I felt tears fall down my face, reflecting the loss of what might have been.
I heard a distant noise, but I paid no attention to it. The sound of someone calling my name and tugging on my arm brought me out of my daze.
“Stick, it’s time to get to our next class,” Scott was saying insistently. His words slowly penetrated my brain.
After using the back of my arm to wipe away any tears that may have remained, I looked up at Scott’s anxious face. Pushing myself back to my feet, I glanced around to see the schoolyard quickly emptying. None of the others were nearby.
“Come on, Stick,” Scott said, grabbing me by the arm. “Adam’s going to grab a couple of workstations next to each other, but we need to get to the computer room as quick as we can.”
I was vaguely aware that my next class was Computer Studies, but I had lost all inclination to go. If I’d had an ounce of self-will left, I would have skipped the class.
We were halfway there when I suddenly stopped.
“Shit!” I exclaimed as a thought struck me.
“Come on, Stick! We’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on,” Scott said urgently, grabbing my arm again, trying to pull me along by brute force.
Giving in to his tugging, I started moving again.
“I was supposed to meet Ian Ashton at lunchtime,” I said frantically.
“He showed up,” Scott said, “but we explained what was going on and he decided to leave you alone. He said he’ll try to catch up with you later in the week. He wasn’t annoyed. Now, can you pick up the pace a bit, please?”
Scott got me to class just in time.
How I did it, I don’t know, but I managed to bring enough concentration to the class that the teacher didn’t notice me. They were teaching something about the use of forms on web pages, but I didn’t take it in. I knew I’d have to get Scott to explain it to me later. For the moment, I just let myself wallow in despair and depression.
I’d pulled myself together by the end of the lesson. I even think I managed to remember a couple of the things that were being taught!
Scott, Adam and I headed out after the class to go to our lockers to dump the remainder of our books. While we were at Adam’s locker, I happened to spot the guy I’d seen at lunchtime. He was looking at us again, hatred in every line of his face. As soon as he realised I had seen him, he turned and quickly moved away, losing himself in the crowd of students nearby.
Had he been following us? If he had, he now knew where Adam’s locker was. He might even know where Scott’s and my lockers were! I hadn’t thought to look around before, to see if anyone might have been following us. It just hadn’t occurred to me that someone might.
As I contemplated it, a coldness seeped through me. The chance of his just being there at that time was so slim, it wasn’t worth considering. On the other hand, the ramifications of his following us were too broad for me to think about. About the only thing I could conclude was that he was up to no good. I suspected he was a danger, but how much of one remained to be seen.
“Er, guys,” I said quietly, as Adam closed his locker. “You remember that guy from lunchtime?”
“Which one?” Scott asked.
“The one I said I thought could be trouble?”
“Yeah, what about him?” Adam said, almost indifferently.
“I just saw him watching us,” I replied. “He now knows where your locker is, Adam.”
I think that got through to him, as he stiffened and looked around quickly.
“I don’t see him,” he said hesitantly.
“He fled as soon as he realised I’d seen him,” I explained.
Adam looked around again while chewing on his lower lip, but didn’t see the guy.
Scott caught Adam’s eye. “I don’t think you should leave anything of value in your locker, anymore, Ads.”
“I think you’re right,” Adam agreed with a nod
Turning back to his locker, he opened it and started dragging out a number of books. Putting them all in his bag, he closed his locker and hefted the bag to his shoulder.
“I’m going to put on a few muscles if I keep carrying this much, but it’s better than to risk getting it vandalised,” he remarked lightly. There was still a touch of nervousness in his voice, but the determination with which he had started the day was still carrying him through. He wasn’t going to let the threat drag him down.
Adam and Scott headed off to their last class of the day. I started dragging my heels. My last class was one I share with Liz. Normally, we sat and worked together during the class. It had been my “brilliant” idea, when we were discussing which of the electives to take for this year, for both of us to try to pick the same ones. We both agreed to do Media Studies, and now that decision was going to cause me a lot of pain. Our teacher did not like her students to keep moving around, but insisted that we take the same seats each class. I was about to be forced to sit next to my ex-girlfriend.
I thought about skipping the class, but that would just delay the inevitable. Taking a deep breath, I forced my unwilling legs to carry me to the torture that awaited.
I stood in the doorway for a moment. Liz was already in her seat. As she glanced up at me I sensed fear emanating from her.
“Hi, Liz,” I said quietly and emotionlessly as I slid into the chair next to her. I was struggling to hold in what I felt for her, because I knew letting it loose would just cause trouble.
“Hi, Stick,” she responded in the same vein.
By unspoken mutual agreement, we set up an invisible wall between us. If we could fool ourselves successfully, we could pretend that the person on the other side of that divide was a stranger of no consequence.
We struggled through that class.
When I thought she wouldn’t be watching, I would steal glances. Sometimes, I’d flick my gaze in her direction, pretending to be looking at someone beyond her, and see her quickly turn away.
It was civil, with not a single angry or heated word spoken. Indeed, barely a word was said, though the silence between us spoke volumes. From the stares and whispers we endured from our classmates, I knew the tension and agony we were experiencing was shining through.
I thought of trying to say something when there was a break in the lecturing, or when we were looking something up in our textbooks, but I held back. Fiona had made it crystal clear that morning that Liz didn’t want to talk. Even after all this time, I still didn’t have anything more to say than, “I’m sorry.” Struggling to find words to explain that I still loved her, and that all I wanted was for her to be happy, I stewed in my cesspit of despair. Saying nothing and causing no more pain was a better option than trying to say something and ripping another shred from her heart.
I just wished she’d say something to me. If she were to initiate a conversation, I was sure I’d find the words I needed. But I couldn’t find the ones that would allow us to start.
The time dragged on. I would look at the clock and find only a scant handful of minutes had gone by since the last time I looked. Mrs. Okering’s droning voice just enhanced the feeling that the class would go on forever.
When the bell for the end of the period sounded, I froze. Should I move first, to allow Liz to leave at her leisure, or should I stay put and give her the freedom to escape immediately?
When neither one of us moved, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Jumping to my feet, I grabbed my bag and fled from the room. I had to push a couple of guys out of the way, but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of there and away from the source of my pain. I should’ve said something before I left, but I just couldn’t do it. I knew that if I tried, the walls I’d built up would likely crumble.
When I reached my locker I rested my head against the locked door. By forcing myself to take several long, deep breaths, I slowly calmed down. When I felt myself regaining control, I straightened up and opened the lock. Quickly transferring the things I needed for the night's homework, and dumping the rest, I slammed the door shut and headed to Randy’s locker. I knew he’d be waiting for me, as he has since the start of the year, so we could head to the bus together.
With the tangled mess of my emotions stuffed into a back corner of my mind, I forced a smile onto my face as I turned the corner to where my brother’s locker is located.
I noticed Adam was already there, smiling faintly. He was chatting with Randy, but he turned to me as I approached and nodded his head. I sensed that he was pleased with himself, or maybe with the way the day had gone.
“Hi, Stick,” Randy called out as he spotted me.
“Hi, Giant,” I said. “Did things improve this afternoon?”
He shrugged. “As I said at lunchtime, things weren’t particularly bad, so there wasn’t much scope for things to get better. No, the afternoon was pretty much the same as the morning.”
We headed to the section of the car park where the buses would pick us up. There was a noticeable parting of the crowd as we approached. If there had been more space between the car park and the school building, I think we would’ve had even more room to ourselves.
“This is odd,” Randy remarked, expressing his curiosity at the behaviour of the other students. I don’t think it had sunk in that he was part of the reason most people were getting out of our way.
“That’s right. You didn’t see it yesterday,” I said. “Adam likened it to the parting of the Red Sea.”
My brother laughed. He didn’t need to force it; it just came out naturally. He was clearly unconcerned. Whether he noticed the flashes of hostility we attracted, I don’t know. If he did, they didn’t appear to bother him.
As we neared the section where our bus would pick us up, a small squad of younger students intercepted us. Even before Randy’s greeting, I recognised a couple of them as being his friends.
“Hi, guys! What’s up?” Randy asked.
“Hi, Randy,” one of the guys replied. “We’ve got some important questions for Adam.”
“What sort of questions, Stu?” Randy asked, curious, but not overly anxious.
“Oh, just some stuff,” he replied evasively. As he started scanning over us, his eyes fixed on Adam. “Adam?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Adam replied hesitantly. “What do you want?”
As Stu paused and licked his lips nervously, one of the girls poked him in the back. “Get a move on. We don’t have all day,” she whispered loudly.
“Don’t get your knickers in a knot, Maria. We agreed I’d do the asking,” Stu muttered back.
Adam, Randy and I exchanged glances. What was this about?
“Adam,” he started, drawing himself up to his full height, trying to look and sound more mature, “we understand you stayed at a couple of people’s places before you went to Randy’s. Is that right?”
“Yeah, it is,” Adam replied, sounding perplexed at where this was leading.
“We just wanted to know why you didn’t just go to Randy’s place first?”
Adam shrugged. “I went wherever I could find a place to stay. I didn’t know where I would be accepted, so I just tried whoever I could. Randy and David were just number three.”
“I told you,” Maria piped up, looking smugly at the other kids in the group.
“Shut up. I haven’t finished,” Stu responded as he glanced over his shoulder, looking annoyed at the girl behind him.
Turning back to Adam, he continued, “But you knew that Randy was going to let you stay, didn’t you?”
Adam gave him a wry smile. “By that stage, I had no idea about anything. I didn’t know who would be upset or who would reject me. I was almost at the stage that I didn’t think anyone would want me,” he admitted with a touch of despondency.
“See?” Maria interjected again.
Stu looked around at the rest of the younger kids. Most were nodding. One kid, I think his name was Kim, was rocking his head from side to side, as if he was still tossing up on something.
“I’m not convinced, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt,” Kim stated.
“Will you tell me what the hell this is all about?” asked Randy, exasperated.
Stu turned back to him. “Sorry, Randy. We’d like to apologise. We believe you now. You’re not gay.”
Randy rocked back on his heels in surprise. “Why the change of heart?”
“I worked it out this afternoon,” Maria announced proudly. “If Adam was your boyfriend, he would’ve gone straight to your place last week, and not gone to the other places first. He didn’t, so you’re not.”
Randy smiled at her. “Did I ever tell you that I think you’re smart, Maria?”
She grinned back at him. “Not often enough!” she replied.
“Don’t make me sick,” Stu said, sticking his finger into his mouth, as if to force himself to vomit.
“Well, Stu, I think this means we need to come up with another idea,” said one of the other kids I didn’t recognise.
“What do you mean, Kev?” Stu asked, turning back to the rest of the group.
“I don’t think Randy is going to want a dress for his birthday, anymore,” Kev replied with a grin.
Stu twisted his head and looked over his shoulder at my brother with a smirk.
“I don’t know. I still think it’s a good idea. I’ve always thought he’s a big girl, anyway.”
“Why you...” Randy exclaimed, throwing his bag against the nearby wall. Stu took off, laughing, as Randy started chasing him along the side of the car park. It didn’t take long for Randy’s longer legs to catch the smaller boy, though it took a couple of minutes for Randy to have him pinned and begging through his laughter for mercy. The rest of us moved along to keep them in view. I was still aware that Randy was a target as far as the wider school community was concerned, even if his friends had come around.
The two boys were both dishevelled but smiling when they returned.
“Does this mean you’re not going to get Randy a dress anymore?” Adam asked Stu with a grin.
“If I am, I’m not admitting it,” Stu replied, as he ducked the mock punch Randy gave him, “He’s just going to have to wait until his birthday to find out.”
“You do that for my birthday, and you better not invite me to yours. You’ll regret it if you do,” Randy threatened, spoiling it with a wide grin pasted across his face.
Retrieving their bags, Stu and Randy continued to trade threats while the rest of his friends dispersed.
As we settled down to wait for our buses, I saw the guy who had bumped Adam at lunchtime smirking at us from behind a group of students. When he noticed me looking at him, he suddenly turned away and disappeared from view. I stared in the direction he had gone. What, if anything, was he up to?
Our bus arrived soon afterwards. Stu waved goodbye to Randy and the rest of us as he moved off to wait for his bus.
“Watch it!” Randy cried out, as he staggered off balance.
I heard a muttered, “Bloody poofters,” but I didn’t spot who said it. Randy was also looking around, annoyed.
“Ignore them, Giant. Just ignore them,” Adam said in a resigned tone. It was clear that he’d decided that being bumped and hassled was just something to be endured.
“You can ignore them if you want, but I’m not going to put up with it,” Randy stated furiously. Raising his voice, he addressed the surrounding students. “If you have a problem with me, tell me to my face. If you’re such a gutless coward that you have to hide and hit me from behind, then just leave me alone!”
As he stared around angrily, no one accepted his challenge. Many of the students shuffled uneasily, avoiding his gaze. For the moment, at least, it looked like he had them cowed.
“Come on, Adam, Stick. Let’s get going,” he said as he turned back to the bus. It was clear from his tone that he was still in a huff. If anyone said the wrong thing, I wasn’t sure what he’d do. He’s not normally an aggressive person, but he’s also not normally that angry. His black eyes just added to the aura of pending violence that shrouded him.
Stomping his way onto the bus, Randy marched down the aisle and took an empty seat near the centre. Putting his bag on the floor at his feet, he crossed his arms across his chest and stared his defiance at every student who made the mistake of catching his eyes.
I glanced at Adam, disturbed. While my brother is quite capable of looking after himself, I wasn’t comfortable leaving him in the seat by himself. My original plan had been to sit with Adam, but I didn’t know if that was a good idea anymore. But leaving Adam by himself was just as bad!
There was only one solution, and it was one I wasn’t happy with.
“Adam, I think you should sit with Randy. I don’t want anyone else sitting with him while he’s like this,” I said in a resigned voice. It would just fuel the rumours that they were boyfriends, but that couldn’t be helped.
“Why don’t you sit with him?” he asked, as we made our way towards Randy, Adam leading.
“Because that would leave you by yourself,” I replied dryly.
He looked over his shoulder and gave me a startled look, then quickly followed that with a nod of thanks.
As Adam took his place next to my brother, I took the empty seat opposite. I was still worried. Randy’s outburst may have stopped people for the moment, but it may just encourage more harassment in the future.
The bus loaded quickly after that, mostly in an almost freaky silence. The normal banter and chatter were largely absent as Randy’s stormy presence in the middle of the bus dominated the atmosphere. The three hostile students I had detected that morning slunk into seats near the front of the bus, avoiding us. They were careful to refrain from even glancing in our direction. The fact that they were intimidated for the moment didn’t mean much for the future, however. If anything, the shame at being scared off may have increased their hostility. I remained worried about those three.
“For the record, I don’t have a problem with you, except maybe as a basketball player. You really should start to play for a decent team,” Rick stated with a hint of laughter in his voice, as he passed my brother. “Good luck, with everything,” he added as he leant over to give Randy a high-five.
Randy’s face fell back into its more natural grin, as he responded, “Thanks, Rick. You should join a decent team, too.”
I was glad to see Rick’s comments had shaken my brother out of his bad temper. Now that it was gone, everyone around him seemed less tense.
“Don’t worry; if I need to, I’ll tell you to your face, too,” Harrison remarked, as he passed. He didn’t stop, but just kept moving towards the back of the bus. I twisted around to watch him go. As he sat down, he saw me looking and gave me a nod. No smile, but I gave him one back, anyway. Turning back around, I wondered if my chat from the morning had caused that, or if he was just naturally that sort of person. Regardless, I appreciated the extra bit of support. Effectively from a complete stranger, it must have made an impression on Randy and those around us.
The noise level slowly picked up, as everyone started to relax. Shamelessly, I tried to eavesdrop on the nearby conversations; it was my brother’s safety that was at risk, after all. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear anything of interest. Randy’s name was mentioned a couple of times, as was Adam’s, but I couldn’t catch the context. All I could go with was the tone of voice, which was either neutral or curious, not hostile.
I got off the bus with a sigh of relief when we reached our stop. I hadn’t realised how tense I’d been until we were standing alone by the side of the road. Feeling a lot lighter, I turned to the other two.
“Time to get home, guys. I’m looking forward to a nice, long, cool drink,” I remarked as we started to walk down the dirt track that leads to our house.
“If we were older, I’d say it was time for a stiff drink,” Adam replied, his relief obvious.
Randy and I exchanged grins. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Randy asked me.
“I think so,” I answered. “Who’s going to sweet-talk Mum into opening a bottle of wine for dinner?”
“You do it,” he said. “It sounds better coming from a sixteen-year-old than a fourteen-year-old.”
“Will she do that?” Adam asked in disbelief.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Mum and Dad like a bottle of wine every so often, and they don’t mind us having a glass with dinner. The only rule is that we have to finish our homework first. They never let us drink too much, but I think we can talk them into opening a second bottle tonight. It’s been an eventful day for all of us.”
“That’s an understatement,” I heard Randy mutter to himself.
We walked in silence for a couple of minutes, before the conversation started up again, but this time on the subject of the game coming up on Saturday. The last game before the finals started, it didn’t really matter whether we won or lost. The result would have no influence on our team’s final position in the competition. We expected to win easily, as the team we were playing was quite low on the ladder. The last time we played them, we won by more than thirty points.
We arrived home and found Mum in the kitchen, reading the newspaper. As we walked in, she looked up.
“How did it go today?” she asked to no one in particular.
Randy and I looked at each other. He indicated with a tilt of his head that he wanted me to answer. I guessed that the issue of his friends was something he wanted left until later.
“Eventful, but generally pretty good,” I answered my mum. “We’re going to get started on our homework straight away. We were thinking that a glass of wine with dinner tonight might be a good idea,” I finished on a hopeful note.
Mum laughed. “Under the circumstances, I think a glass of wine is probably reasonable. Your dad and I will want a full account of the day, though.”
“Not a problem!” I responded with a smile. “We’ll just get our schoolwork out of the way first. Oh, and Scott said he and Chris will be around after dinner.”
She frowned slightly. “We must have those two boys around for dinner. If they’re going to come around regularly, we should arrange something with their parents,” she remarked, as if to herself.
I dumped my bag by the table and was heading over to the fridge to get a drink, when she stopped me.
“Are you going to study when Scott gets here?” she asked.
I glanced over to where Adam and Randy were dropping their bags. Adam looked up at me, as if to check to see what I was intending to say.
“I might need some help with Computer Studies, but I don’t think it’ll take much time or effort,” I answered, a little nervous as I realised that she might change her mind on the glass of wine. My parents are generally pretty strict on the subject of mixing alcohol and study.
She looked intently at me for a moment. “Okay, but that means only one glass of wine with dinner.”
I was surprised at that. I knew better, though, than to open my mouth and take the risk that she might cancel the alcohol completely.
“Randy, Adam, what would you like to drink?” I asked, as I stood by the open fridge door.
“Anything cold and wet,” Randy responded, as he sat at the table.
“Orange juice, please,” Adam replied as he sat next to my brother.
Making life easy for myself, I made three glasses of O.J.
After putting their glasses in front of them, I remained standing as I drank my juice. It hadn’t been a bad day. I knew I needed to sort myself out over Liz, but I kept pushing that issue to the back of my mind. If I spent time thinking about it, like I had at lunchtime, I would be useless for a long time afterwards.
“Adam, can you give me a hand with my maths?” I asked as I put my empty glass into the kitchen sink.
“Sure, David,” he responded absently. Looking over at him, I noticed a faint smile and a distracted look. I was pretty sure he was thinking about seeing Scott in a few hours’ time.
“What the fuck!” Randy sudden swore.
He was looking inside his school bag. Placing it on top of the table, he reached inside and, using a thumb and forefinger only, gingerly drew out a cylindrical container. It was one of the paint containers we use at school during art classes.
As Adam and I joined him, we all peered inside his bag.
Everything was covered in bright, fluorescent-pink paint.
“What is it, Randy?” Mum asked, concerned.
“Someone’s tipped an entire jar of pink paint into my bag,” my brother replied, anger resonating through every word. “I suspect it was either Kev or Stu. They probably think this is funny. I’m going to kill somebody, as soon as I work out which one did it.”
I looked across at Adam. From the worried expression he returned to me, I knew he had the same thought as me. It wasn’t one of Randy’s friends playing a joke. It was a deliberate, malicious act by someone who thought that Randy’s gay.
“Uh, Giant?” Adam started hesitantly, not taking his eyes off me. I knew he was offering me the chance to say something first, but I didn’t know what to say. I felt a flash of resentment that my brother was being put through this, but I tried not to aim it at Adam. As Liz had tried to explain to me at the racetrack, Adam wasn’t the cause of this, only the trigger. It was hard, though – if it weren’t for Adam, the school wouldn’t think Randy’s gay!
“What is it, Ads?” Randy said as he walked over to drop the paint jar into the rubbish bin.
“I don’t think it was your friends who did this.”
We twisted around to watch my brother’s reaction to Adam’s assertion.
“Who else could it be?” Randy replied, irritated. As the other possibilities popped into his head, his mouth dropped open and his eyes opened wide. “Oh….”
“If it wasn’t one of his friends, who do you think did it?” Mum asked the three of us.
“Mum, the whole school thinks Randy’s gay,” I explained. “I think, and Adam looks like he thinks so too, that it was done by someone who hates him because of that.”
My dad, like Randy, tends to have a flash of anger occasionally, but calms down pretty quickly afterwards. My mum rarely gets angry, but when she does it simmers for a long time. From the expression on her face, someone was going to get slammed... hard.
“It’s supposed to be a Christian school!” she exclaimed to no one in particular as she marched over to pick up Randy’s school bag. “How can people who call themselves Christians do something like this?”
Peering inside, she grimaced. “We should be able to salvage most of this, Randy. Get some old newspapers from the recycling bin. We need to get these things out and put them on the newspapers to stop the paint from spreading any further.”
For the next thirty minutes, instead of doing homework, we cleaned up the mess. After getting everything out, we saw that the damage was largely restricted to the outside of the books. Mum found some old sheets of contact which we used to re-cover Randy’s notebooks. The textbooks and reading materials that belong to the school were the most troublesome. All we could do to them was wipe off most of the paint. Mum wrote a note to explain why the books were damaged and gave it to Randy to take to school the next day.
She also rang to make an appointment to see the principal or vice principal, but the school office was shut by the time she tried. She said she’d try again the next morning.
While we worked, Mum questioned us as to what had happened that day. It didn’t take long for her to pick up the general thread. I could see her fury growing as she extracted the details of what Randy and Adam had gone through. I was lucky to miss most of her attention. The grilling I got about the three students on the bus and the guy at lunchtime was bad enough. She seemed to think that I should know who they all were, and she wasn’t impressed when I had to admit I didn’t know their names.
It seemed that Adam had received more attention than Randy. While a lot of people would consider the younger student an easier target, in this case that wasn’t true. Randy appeared to have a wider circle of friends helping him than Adam did. He is also a much more physically intimidating person than Adam.
There was one other factor that I mulled on while we helped clean up. I really saw only four apparently hostile students, and they were all older than us. While I hated to think anything nice about them, they may have had some qualms about harassing a year 8 student. A year 10 student would be a lot more attractive target, morally, if that term could be used for them.
I didn’t say anything about that, because it was all guesswork, and Randy had ended up getting the worst abuse, anyway – the paint in his bag.
Finally finishing, Mum rocked back in her seat and looked thoughtfully around at us.
“We can’t do much more, now. You boys had better get to work on your homework. Your dad is going to want to go through this, too, so you won’t have a chance later.”
“What about when Scott gets here?” Adam asked.
Mum sighed. Leaning forward, she replied, “We’ll worry about that later. I think he needs to be told, don’t you?”
Grimacing, Adam nodded. Scott isn’t a target at the moment, but he will be when the word gets out. He needs to know, so he can be prepared.
We did our homework in a very somber mood. There was none of the talking or complaining that usually happens during our homework time. Things had changed, anyway, with Adam being there, but no one was in the mood to talk.
I was the last one to finish, mainly due to the revision I needed to do for maths. Randy and Adam had already disappeared outside to blow off some steam by playing a bit of one-on-one. Normally, I’d have joined them, but I wanted to make some phone calls first.
“Gazza speaking,” came Gary’s distracted tone.
“Hi, Gazza. It’s Stick.”
“Is it important, Stick? I’m a little occupied at the moment.”
“Someone dumped some paint into Giant’s bag at the end of school. I was just wondering if you saw anything,” I asked, not hopeful, but it was the opening gambit for what I really wanted to ask.
“WHAT!” he yelled. “Sorry, Mary, this sounds important,” I heard him say to his girlfriend. For a moment I wondered what they were up to, as I knew his mum wouldn’t be home yet, but I quickly decided it didn’t matter.
“Someone dropped an open jar of pink paint into Randy’s bag. We found it when we got home,” I explained.
“Pink, eh,” he remarked, before he told Mary what I’d said.
“Stick, this is Mary. Was anyone hurt?” she asked, concerned. I guessed that Gary had the phone between them.
“No, just all the stuff in his bag,” I replied glumly.
“Any ideas on who did it?” Gary asked.
“If the colour is relevant, any homophobic arsehole,” I replied sharply, before continuing a bit calmer. “There is one guy that I suspect, but I’ve got no proof and I don’t know who he is.”
“Why do you suspect him?” Mary queried.
“I saw him go out of his way to bump into Adam at lunchtime. It also looked like he followed us to Adam’s locker after school. Both times he looked as if he hated us, or at least Adam. Just before we got on the bus I saw him smirking at us. He’s my best guess, based on that smirk. It’s not much, but it’s all I have,” I admitted.
“Sorry, Stick, but neither of us saw anything,” Gary said, regret coming through clearly.
“It was a long shot,” I said, “b