It was Friday morning near the end of March. Adam sat dejected on the ground near where he had been dropped off. It was another day of school, but certainly not another normal day for him. He had stayed the previous night at Gary's house, but Gary's mum had made it quite clear that he wasn't welcome back there. The night before last, he had been at Aiden's house, but Aiden's dad's displeasure at the situation had been painfully obvious. Adam's arm was still sore from the blow he had received.
Who could he stay with tonight? Aiden and Gary had both said that they wouldn't say anything to anyone, but he didn't know how long it would be before word got out. As Adam looked up, he saw the Johnson twins getting off the bus. Maybe...
“Hey, Stick! Giant! Ready for the big game tomorrow?”
Startled, I looked around, and then grinned at one of my basketball teammates, Adam, as I stepped off the bus. Having just arrived at the Yarra Valley Christian College near Yarra Glen, my brother and I were nerving ourselves for another day at school. At least the weather seemed fine today. Living on the outskirts of Melbourne, Australia, we never know what the weather is going to do.
“Hi, Ads! Ready as ever. If my little brother here will pass me the ball occasionally I don't think we'll have a problem,” I replied cheekily.
My little brother looked down at me and grinned widely.
“If you're ever in a decent position when I get the ball, David, I'll pass it to you. Until then, I'll keep shooting goals.” He laughed as he put his arm across my shoulder and then had me in a quick headlock before letting go.
I was a little surprised that my brother had called me by my real name instead of my nickname. Even though 5’ 10” is moderately tall for a sixteen-year-old, my build is, to put it bluntly, like a stick insect. Consequently, practically everyone calls me “Stick”.
My little brother, Randy, is two years younger than me. In one of those crazy genetic mix-ups, he’s already taller than me at just under 6’. Hence his nickname, “Giant”. He also has a much heavier build, which makes him quite an intimidating centre on the basketball court. Given our similar heights, and the fact that we are obviously brothers, we've been known as the Johnson twins for as long as I can remember. There are still a lot of people who can't believe we're not really twins. I think the fact that we always hang around together and both have the same dark blonde hair, almost a light brown, probably adds to the confusion. We fight occasionally; what brothers don't? But I'd have to say that he's as close to being a perfect brother as I could wish for.
Basketball is a major passion of ours. We formed our own team two years ago – mainly from school friends, along with two of our next-door neighbours. We play in the local under-17’s competition on Saturday afternoons. Admittedly it’s only B grade, but that's not bad considering we started in C grade when the team was formed. We’ve had a good season so far, so we should make the finals in a couple of weeks’ time. If we can win the finals, we'll be promoted to the A Reserve grade for the next season.
I was a little surprised that Adam “Ads” Kennedy was there to see us. Normally he arrives just before the classes start. I know that well, because I’ve often seen him arriving at the last minute in the classes we share. He’s also a founding member of the Everest basketball club that Randy and I play in. My dad suggested that name, saying that we might as well have a team name that shows how high we want to climb through the competition. It’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, as none of us are really that competitive.
Adam is a little shorter than me at 5’ 9”. He's a year younger than me, though, so I suspect he'll catch up eventually. He's heavier – not really that surprising, considering how thin I am – but not by too much. His hair is brown, though it's hard to tell that as he usually keeps it cut extremely short. When I asked him why a few months ago, he told me that he absolutely hates having curly hair. I had the impression that his mum kept making comments about how “cute” the curls looked. If there is one thing your typical teenage male hates, it’s being called “cute”. Keeping his hair short is Adam’s solution to the problem.
“Stick, I was wondering if I could ask you for a favour?” Adam inquired hesitantly.
I smiled in return. “Sure, Ads! No promises you'll get it, though.”
Adam glanced down nervously, avoiding eye contact with either my brother or me. “I'm having a bit of trouble with my dad at the moment. He's just as likely to decide that he can't run me out to the stadium tomorrow. Do you think it'll be okay if I crash at your place tonight? That way we can go to the game together.”
Randy and I looked at each other and shrugged.
“I can't see a problem. We'll just need to let Mum know.” I looked at him questioningly. “What's the trouble with your dad?” I added.
“I'm not really sure,” Adam answered evasively, still looking down at the ground. “He's just gone off his tree about something and I think he's just taking it out on me. It's just easier if I'm not around to set him off.”
Something wasn't adding up. If things are so bad that you think you’re better off not being at home, you have to have a reason for thinking that. I was just about to call him on it, when I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist.
“Hmmm. I think you might be slowing down in your old age, Stick,” whispered a soft feminine voice from behind me.
I turned with a smile and kissed my girlfriend, Elizabeth Richardson, lightly on the lips. We've been going out for eight months now, and in my opinion, I've got the best girl in the entire school. I know that redheads are supposed to be hot tempered, but Liz is one of the most laidback people I know. She may not be the best looker in year 10, but her sparkling personality outshines any of the other girls by a huge margin. At 5’ 5”, Liz only comes up to my eyes, but I think that is a perfect height. I slid my right arm across her shoulders as I pulled her gently to my chest for a quick hug. Her arms around my waist squeezed slightly, returning my sign of affection.
“And what makes you say that, Liz?” I asked in a soft, playful voice.
“I haven't been able to sneak up on you for at least a couple of weeks. You usually spot me before I get within ten feet,” she smiled back. “What's distracted you today?” she continued.
I turned back to Adam, but I saw him and Randy heading off towards the classrooms, chatting as they went.
“Ads was discussing the prep for tomorrow's game with Giant and me. He also asked if he could crash at our place tonight, but he was a bit evasive about why. I was just about to ask him what was going on when you showed up.” I gave her another light kiss. “Sorry about that – next time I'll keep in mind what the really important things are.” Liz always brings out the gentler side of my personality. It’s as if a light switch is thrown on inside me whenever she shows up – dispelling any dark or worrying issues that are bothering me.
As I mentioned Adam, I noticed a quick frown flick across her face.
“What's wrong?” I asked her.
“I'm not sure,” she replied slowly, frowning again. “I'm beginning to hear some strange rumours about Adam. Apparently he stayed at Aiden's house on Wednesday, but Aidy won't talk about it. He just clams up and does his silent stare if he's asked about it.”
Aiden “Aidy” Trent is the same age as me, but he’s the only one of our teammates who is in year 11 at school. This is not because he's smart – okay, he's reasonably smart, but not that smart – or that I was held back, but simply that he started school a year before me. Here in the state of Victoria, if you're born in the first half of the year, your parents can either start you at school in the year you turn five or the following year. If you're born in the second half of the year, you have no choice – you start school the year after you turn five. Aiden's parents chose to start him at the earliest possible year, while my parents chose to wait the extra year. He has long, straight black hair that usually hangs loose, but is bound up in a ponytail when he's on the basketball court. At 5’ 8”, he can play as either a forward or a guard, as the situation requires.
As Liz alluded, he can be a very private person. Of all our teammates, he's the one that I understand the least. If he’s discussing basketball he's open and friendly, but if the conversation strays into anything he considers personal, he becomes as unresponsive as a rock. Intimidating is an understatement for the impact you feel if you're caught by his stare at those times. A change of topic, however, shatters the rock and he returns to being an extroverted, fun-loving teenager. I've only met his father once, when we played in the grand final during the first season of our team. Given how cold and unforgiving his father was on that day, I suspect that's why he's such a private person. We had won the grand final and all Mr. Trent could do was berate Aiden for some trivial mistakes he had made. Asking him to confirm that suspicion, however, is naturally out of the question. I'd like to get to know Aiden better, but I have reluctantly accepted that he is going to have to make the first move. All I can do is to keep giving him opportunities.
“Do you have any ideas on where he stayed last night?” I queried Liz.
“No…” she answered, reluctantly. “I know he didn’t stay with Aidy, as I saw him arrive a few minutes ago, and Adam was already here.”
I pondered the problem for a few seconds. “If he stayed with another teammate, it’d have to be either Gazza or Break. They are the only other ones who go to this school. I’d guess Gazza because he and Aidy are the only ones that live here in Yarra Glen.”
Gary “Gazza” Loveridge is in year 10 with me, but he's another fifteen-year-old. Now, Liz doesn't have the temper normally associated with redheads. Gary, on the other hand, definitely does. We all know what he's like and know how to avoid setting him off, at least most of the time, but we can't do much about when he sets himself off. In his favour is the fact that once he's calmed down after blowing his top, everything is cool. He's not one to hold a grudge or to stay angry for long periods of time. It's a case of a massive blowup followed by a calm as if nothing had happened. At 5’ 7”, he's one of our guards. Unfortunately, when he makes a mistake on the court, he starts to lose his temper and just gets more aggressive. It's not uncommon for him to be fouled out in a match, with the occasional technical foul for abusive language thrown in. In fairness, I think he's been getting better, but I'd have to give that credit to his new girlfriend Mary Bryant. She seems to be a steadying influence on him. Gary has the widest range of school friends of any of us. He seems to be able to talk to anyone and everyone – a talent that I'm envious of. Even his temper doesn't seem to get in the road of him making friends. In fact, I think he's made most of his friends during the aftermaths of his explosions.
Scott “Break” Wilson is our principal playmaker. He's only 5’ 6” in height, which is a little short for a sixteen-year-old, but he's very solid, and the fastest player on our team. He and Randy usually compete for who gets the highest score in our matches. Randy gets his goals under the basket where he can use his height, while Scott gets most of his from fast breaks and turnovers. He and Randy have almost a sixth sense on the court at times. When Randy gets a defensive rebound, he often immediately makes a baseball pass to Scott, who's already three quarters of the way down the court towards our basket. Unlike Adam, Scott’s quite proud of his black curly hair. The two of them have had lots of fun discussions on whether or not the girls like curly hair. Overall, he tends to be the quiet type. He's quite popular with the girls, but doesn't seem to want, or be able to settle on, just one. No matter, he's such a relaxed person that most of the girls that have chased him in the past still have a kind word for him if it's ever needed. He’s also a computer wiz, as he’s demonstrated so many times in the computer class we share.
Rounding out the team are our other two teammates: Brett “B1” and Brian “B2” Ricardo, the team’s real set of fifteen-year-old identical twins. They are our next-door neighbours – using that term loosely. They live a quarter mile from Randy and me, but that's because both families live on rural properties. That's still our closest neighbour and they’re good friends. At 5’ 6”, they both play the guard position. They have the usual freakish, almost telepathic understanding of each other that's not uncommon amongst identical twins and which comes in really handy at times on the basketball court. Both of them are in year 9, but since they go to a different school anyway, that's not usually an issue. They have been called B1 and B2 since kindergarten. It was, I suppose, inevitable that they ended up nicknamed after a pair of giant bananas, given the popularity of the “Bananas in Pajamas” preschool show. I'm sure there are times they have wished that their parents had picked names with a different first letter, but that's the fate of all kids – living with the mistakes our parents make. Nowadays, it's almost like a badge of pride for them.
Practically everything they wear has either a 1 or a 2 on it somewhere. And, of course, their numbers on the basketball court are 11 and 12. I would like for them to attend our school, but their parents put them into the government school in nearby Lilydale. Happily, they’re around at our place almost as much as they’re at their home, so we haven’t lost touch with them since we left primary school.
“Tell you what. I'll see what I can get out of Adam tonight, and I'll let you know tomorrow morning. How does that sound?” I suggested, giving Liz a quick squeeze.
“Okay.” She smiled up at me. “And now for some depressing news – it's time we got going to class.”
Damn! Why do they have to ruin a perfectly satisfactory Friday morning with school? I think they do it on purpose.
Adam noticed that a few people were beginning to give him some strange looks. He hoped it was just the state of his clothes. There wasn't a lot he could do about them not being ironed – he only had three school shirts with him and there was no way he could keep them unwrinkled in his duffle bag. It would have been easier if the school didn't have a compulsory uniform, but being at school was really his only chance of getting a place to sleep for the night. No one looked disgusted, and he didn't hear any taunts, so hopefully that meant that Aiden and Gary had kept quiet about what was really going on.
Adam sighed. The real test with those two would be tomorrow at the game – if he showed up. It would be painfully obvious on the basketball court if they didn't consider him to be a teammate any more. Tonight, however, it would be the Johnson twins. He was sure that their parents would do the same as Gary and Aiden's, and ring home to check that he could stay the night. That's when his dad would tell them all about his former son...
“Hi, Mum! We're home!” Randy and I called out in unison, as we walked through the door.
There was no answer, which probably meant that she was either out shopping or down the paddock with her horse.
“She's not here at the moment,” I said, turning to Adam. “Just put your stuff in my room before we start on our homework.”
“Okay. Do you mind if I take a quick shower and get changed, too?” he called back over his shoulder as he headed off
“Sure – you know where everything is.”
I turned to Randy.
“Giant. You did remember to ring Mum at lunchtime, didn’t you?” I asked him.
“Of course I did!” he answered indignantly, and then continued with a grin, “After all, I didn’t have to spend half my lunchtime chasing after Liz. From the way you looked, I’m surprised you remembered to get back to your classes afterwards. Oh yeah – it was probably Liz who remembered. Based on the expression on your face at the time, I don’t think there was anything like a thought going through that brain of yours!”
“Just you wait until you get a girlfriend, Randy! Then it’ll be my turn to give you grief,” I warned.
The Yarra Valley where we live is the wine-growing region on the northeast outskirts of Melbourne. The Yarra Valley Christian College is a secondary school (years 7 to 12) that gets its students from both the outer northeast suburbs of Melbourne and from the rural communities scattered through the valley. In our case, we're the rural types. Our parents have a lovely little 20-acre property at the edge of the valley. The land is unsuitable for grape growing, otherwise it would be worth an absolute fortune, but it's enough for our mum to keep up her hobby of riding horses. As an extra bonus, in autumn the views over the nearby vineyards are especially dramatic as the waves of gold, red and brown leaves recede into the distance. Add in the occasional spectacular sunset, and you have a little slice of heavenly beauty to take the breath away.
My brother and I have lived here all our lives. Our parents, Kevin Castle and Yvonne Johnson, are both accountants – though Mum now only works part-time – and moved out here to start their family. They’ve been married for twenty years. Our mum refused to change her name when they got married, and that causes occasional confusion. When I was born, and later when my brother arrived, my dad let us take our mum's surname. He told us later that his parents already had lots of “Castle” grandkids – my dad has two brothers – but our mum's parents didn't have any “Johnson” grandkids until we came along, as my mum's family is all girls. That's the sort of relaxed, accommodating person that my dad is. Sometimes he’s asked why he didn’t insist on Mum changing her name. He’s always replied that it's just that he can't see the point in fighting or arguing about issues that in the total scheme of things are just not important. After all, what's in a name? If it makes my mum happy to not change her name, why shouldn’t she keep it?
Anyway, Mum is a keen, though amateur, horse rider. Whenever possible, she goes to all the local competitions. Before they started a family, my parents worked hard to buy a property where she could have her horses with her. It was that important to her. We have three horses at the moment. My dad rides, as well, but I think it’s mainly just to keep Mum company. He certainly doesn't practice very much, unlike Mum. Randy and I can both ride, but neither of us is particularly interested in it as a sport. When we want to ride, we just take Mark, our horse, and borrow Bel, Dad's horse. No one, repeat, no one, is allowed to ride Jacque, Mum's horse, except for her. She tries to ride him at least once a day if the weather is reasonable. Normally she'll ride in the morning, but it's not unusual for her to be down the paddock with the horses when we get home from school.
As he took a shower, Adam had an idea. If they thought he’d already called home, maybe they wouldn’t ring his dad. If they didn’t, he might be able to stay for Saturday night as well, before they found out...
“Hey, Stick. I really should call home and let them know where I'm staying tonight. Do you mind if I call now?” Adam asked.
Whoever invented trigonometry deserves to be shot AND castrated. I looked up from my math homework as Adam came out of my bedroom. I suddenly remembered his comments from this morning.
“I thought you were trying to avoid your dad. Won't ringing him just cause problems?” I asked, with a curious look.
“Ah... I'll probably get Mum at this time of the day, so I don't think that'll be an issue,” Adam replied, staring around the room to avoid eye contact.
He was being evasive again. I think even Randy was picking up on it, as he’d just given me a quizzical look. What exactly was going on? I decided to try to get the answer out of him later, when he was more relaxed.
“Okay, the phone’s over there.” I shrugged, pointing to the phone.
“Thanks, mate.”
Because of the size of the property, we have a cordless phone that works anywhere within a couple of hundred meters of the house. As Adam hadn't bothered to take the phone out of the room, and I really didn’t want to get back to my math homework, I couldn’t help eavesdrop on his conversation.
“Hi, Mum.”
“Yes, I'm fine. I'm staying with Stick and Giant tonight.”
He rolls his eyes as he looks over in our direction. “Yes, Mum, of course I'll remember to thank Mrs. Johnson for having me over.”
“Has he calmed down yet?”
He frowned slightly as he listened to the response.
“Okay, I'll call you tomorrow after the game.”
“Alright. Bye, Mum. See you soon.”
As Adam hung up, I saw Randy looking strangely at him. He had obviously listened to the conversation as well as me, but he seemed to have picked up something about it that I hadn’t.
“Ah... Ads...” he started hesitantly.
“Yeah, Giant. What is it?” Adam asked in a distracted tone, as he came to the table with his schoolbooks.
Randy looked at him for a moment, as if he was trying to work out what to say.
“Never mind,” he sighed, as he turned his attention back to his homework.
Adam quietly let out the breath he was holding. For a moment he had thought that Randy had realised what he had done. He thought he had held the phone so the brothers couldn't see that it wasn't on when he was talking, but he wasn't sure. Then he mentally kicked himself. He should have rung the phone number for the Johnsons’ home and then talked to the “engaged” signal. Then there wouldn't have been any risk at all.
“Hi, boys. Hi, Adam. I believe you're staying the night,” Mum called out cheerfully, as she came in through the back door.
“Hi, Mum,” my brother and I chorused.
“Hello, Mrs. Johnson. Yes, if that's alright with you,” Adam replied.
“That's fine, as long your parents are okay with it,” she replied, kicking off her boots. She obviously wasn’t paying too much attention to the conversation.
“I rang them earlier to let them know where I am,” Adam announced in a matter-of-fact tone.
I noticed that Randy had that strange look on his face again, as if he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if he should.
“Alright, then. How long have you been studying?” she asked us, obviously closing the topic of Adam staying the night.
Randy looked up at the clock. “About an hour and a half. I'm just about finished. What about you guys?” he asked, looking at Adam and me.
I looked at Adam and raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, I think I've had enough, too. I've done everything I have to do, and made a good start on some of the longer-term homework. What about you, Adam?”
“Same here. Time for some two-on-one practice?” he asked with an enthusiastic smile.
We all grinned.
“Let’s get changed and meet back at the ring in five,” I suggested, closing my books and rising to my feet. The other two quickly joined me in doing the same.
Two-on-one practice is something we do when one of our teammates is around. Our dad played a bit of basketball when he was younger and helps out as a coach when he can. As we only really play for fun, we don't bother training, though Randy often joins one of the more serious other teams in our competition for their training sessions. What can I say? It's a friendly local competition – not the state championships. Dad's always complained that too much emphasis in the game is spent on offense and not enough on defense. He once admitted to me that the main reason he says that is that defense was the only thing he was ever good at, but that's beside the point.
When we have three of us, we play two offenses against one defense. If the offensive player misses a shot, or the defense steals the ball, then that offensive player becomes the defense and the defense becomes the offense. The idea is both to improve the defensive skills – otherwise you end up playing the entire time as defense – and also to train the offensive players to always find the easy shot. As my dad always tells us, when you're two against one, someone should always be able to take a shot without any defense. It's been surprisingly successful, and our team is acknowledged as having one of the best defenses of our grade, even if it is only B grade.
We played until Dad came home, and then went inside for a shower before dinner.
At dinner, the conversation flowed pretty smoothly. Dad was asking his usual questions about our schoolwork, and what we thought our chances were for the game tomorrow. (We'd win, of course - what other answer could there be?)
“Adam, I believe you're staying the night. Is that right?” my dad asked, as we were finishing up.
“Yes, sir. I thought it would be better to go to the game from here, rather than from home,” Adam replied.
I looked at him suspiciously. That wasn’t quite the reason he had given me this morning!
“I spoke to your father this afternoon,” my dad continued calmly, keeping his eyes on Adam.
Adam froze. “Here it comes,” he thought
“Under the circumstances, I was wondering if you'd like to stay here for the weekend?” Dad asked in a tender tone and with a wry half smile.
Adam was stunned. This wasn’t what he expected. “What the fuck is going on?” he wondered.
“Kevin, what do you mean? What circumstances?” Mum asked, looking surprised at Dad.
I mentally echoed the question. What did my dad know that I didn't?
“Adam, do you want to answer that question, or would you like me to?” my dad asked gently, looking intently at Adam.
Everyone looked at Adam. I had heard about someone looking like a deer in a spotlight, but I don't think I’d ever seen it before. Adam looked frozen in terror. His eyes were locked on my dad's. He flicked a terror-stricken glance at my brother and me before looking down at the table. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out.
“Okay then, I'll answer it,” Dad sighed. “Adam was kicked out of his home on Tuesday night. As far as his father is concerned, Adam is no longer his son.”
“WHAT! Why the fuck would he do that?” I yelled angrily.
“Because,” Adam said quietly, with a note of sorrow and pain that seemed to be drawn from the bottom of his heart, “I'm gay.”
Time froze.
My dad had just announced that Adam had been kicked out of home and disowned by his father. I was consumed by anger at the callous and highhanded behaviour of Mr. Kennedy. Parents are supposed to love their children. How could anyone do that to their own son? Then all my emotions went into a tailspin when Adam announced that it was because he is gay.
Gay? It couldn't be – Adam is as straight as they come. There’s nothing feminine about him at all! It had to be some sort of joke. The only thing, though, was the way he had said it. The pain and sorrow that came through left no doubts in my mind – he wasn't joking. The unchanged expression on my dad's face only emphasized the truth – he already knew.
I grasped for the anger that I had felt only a moment before, but it was gone, washed away in an ice-cold stream of shock. Who was Adam? I had thought I knew him, but apparently not. Was he holding any other secrets? Other secrets? What was I thinking about – this one was big enough! He's been hiding this from me ever since we've known each other. What was he planning on doing? Jumping me one night when he slept over? Sleep over! What about tonight? I couldn’t share a room with him – I didn’t know what he’d do!
“A fucking homo! Bloody cocksucker! Get your stuff out of my room. I don't want a homo anywhere near me! Cancel that. I don't want you in my room even to get your stuff. I'll throw it out into the corridor for you to collect when I'm not around!” The anger and disgust in my voice made it very clear how strongly I felt about what he had told us.
I stood up abruptly, ready to steam off to my room and get away from the stranger who had just moments before been masquerading as a friend.
“David! Sit down NOW!” roared my father.
“But Dad, he's ...”
“SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!” he screamed.
Randy and Mum were staring at me in disbelief. Well, how did they expect me to react? Adam gave me an anguished look before he looked down again. He slowly rose to his feet, eyes still downcast.
“Adam. Sit down, please. We haven't finished this discussion,” ordered Dad in a gentler voice.
“I'm sorry, sir. I'll go move my stuff to the stables for the night.”
“You'll do no such thing,” replied my dad sternly. Rising to his feet, he leant over the table to me. “If you don't want Adam in your room tonight, then fine. He'll sleep somewhere else in the house. But get this through your thick skull, David. ADAM IS STAYING HERE FOR AS LONG AS HE NEEDS TO.”
“What? How can you let a fucking poofter live here? Who knows what he'll do!” I yelled back.
My dad sat back down, and his face became calm. An icy calm while he stared at me, but at least it was calm. A creeping dread came over me, as I suspected that this was just the calm before the storm.
“Homework time,” he said coldly.
I stopped, stunned. How could Dad ask this of me now? A few times a year, something comes up in a family discussion that he decides Randy and I need to know more about. He assigns homework for us to do to study the subject at hand. It's normally not an onerous task; just a couple of hours on the Internet researching what he's asked us to look up. What stunned me was that I couldn't believe he wanted me to look up anything about poofters!
“I want you to look up suicide risk factors, especially for teenagers. As an extra bit of research, if you can, find out the rate of suicide attempts amongst homeless youths,” he continued, still staring at me coldly.
Suicide? What had that to do with Adam? I turned to look at him. He was staring at Dad with a surprised and puzzled expression on his face.
“Sir, I ....”
“Adam, we'll talk about this while Randy and David are doing their homework. In the meantime, let's go get your stuff out of David's room.”
“He can stay in my room tonight, if he wants,” my brother piped up, as he rose to his feet.
Heads spun around as we all looked at him with surprise. Did he know what he was saying? I opened my mouth to object, but Mum beat me to it.
“Randy, thanks for your offer, but your dad and I will work out where Adam will sleep tonight,” she said, glancing across at Dad.
“Mum, what's the problem? Adam's stayed overnight lots of times before. He's a friend and I trust him. I'm not asking him to share my bed, just share the room!” Randy pleaded.
I don't know whose face looked more shocked, Adam's or mine. My little brother was asking a fucking queer to spend the night with him! I needed to get him alone to beat some sense into him.
“Randy, we’ll consider it. We don’t want to make a decision now,” Mum replied.
“Come on, Giant. We have homework to do,” I said, as I dragged him to the study. I needed to get him out of there before he said anything else. How big a hole was he trying to dig for himself?
Adam stood in shock as his mind raced in thought. He wondered what was going on. Stick's reaction had been even worse than Aiden's dad’s, but Mr. Castle couldn't have been cooler. Stay there as long as he needed? Had he really mean that, or did that just mean until they could find someone to take him off their hands? And what was that talk about suicide? And Giant’s stating that Adam was still a friend and he still trusted him? An emotional rollercoaster would be an understatement for what Adam had just gone through in a couple of minutes.
As he and Mr. Castle headed off down the hallway to David's room, Adam paused to lean against the wall. A shudder passed through his body as the tight knot of despair he had been carrying ever since his dad threw him out slowly unraveled. No longer able to support him, Adam's legs gave way and he sank to the floor. Mr. Castle turned as Adam collapsed. He started to say something, but when he saw the expression on Adam's face he bent down and put his arms around him.
“It's going to be alright, son. You're safe now. It's going to be alright. You're safe now,” he repeated softly, over and over again, as Adam started to quietly cry.
Randy and I entered the study, neither speaking to the other.
While we both have computers in our rooms, the only computer that has Internet access is the one in the study. Both Randy and I have complained about this many times, but our parents have been adamant. They don’t want us surfing the ‘net in our bedrooms. If it's in the study – which doesn’t have a lock on the door – then they can be confident that we're not abusing it. On the flip side, they removed any parental locks on what we could view when Randy turned fourteen. We could check out anything we wanted – we just had to be aware that anyone could walk into the room at any time. If we had porn on the screen, then we had better have a good reason handy or we were in big trouble. I was caught once, but they didn't buy my excuse of doing biology research for school. I was lucky to be grounded for only a month. So far, they haven't caught Randy, so either he's being cleverer about it, or he's not exploring, yet.
As he sat down at the computer and turned on the monitor, I decided I needed to make sure he understood what Adam had admitted to being.
“Do you REALLY understand what Adam said back there? You seem to think it's no big deal!” I was trying to remain calm, but it was a struggle. Why did that bloody homo have to come here?
“Of course I do. Adam is a homosexual. He prefers to have sex with guys instead of girls. It's no big deal as far as I can see. It's his life, after all. I'm more concerned about you. You don't seem to understand it at all. You seem to think he's no longer the person we've known for years.” Randy's voice was calm, but I could still detect a tight coil of anger lying just below the surface.
“He's not the same person! He's probably been planning on jumping one of us one night when we don’t expect anything. And you go ahead and invite him into your bedroom! What were you thinking of? You're not a fucking poofter too, are you?” I was quite pleased with myself for not screaming that last bit at him.
He looked at me with disgust.
“He IS still the same person. If he wanted to do anything, he's had plenty of chances up until now. And for the record, no, I'm not gay.” He suddenly grinned at me. “If you're really nice, I might even supply a reference who can confirm I'm not gay.”
I looked at him, stunned. He's only fourteen! Was he telling me that he is ALREADY sexually active?
“I offered him my room because I think he needs to know that someone cares. YOU'RE supposed to be the people person. Don't you realise how much you hurt him tonight?” he added forcefully. “I knew something was going on when he faked that call to his mum. He obviously thinks he's all alone,” he commented thoughtfully.
“What do you mean, he faked the call to his mum?”
“I could see the base station for the phone from where I was sitting. Just before he started to speak, the light that shows the phone is active went off. He was talking to a dead phone.”
“So that's what you were going to ask him about!” I said with a snap of my fingers.
“Yeah, but I didn't know how to ask it. I don't even know why he bothered to fake a call.”
“That bit's now obvious. He was trying to avoid having Mum ring his dad to make sure it was alright for him to stay.” I paused for a second to regroup my thoughts. “And don't try to change the subject. Don't you know if word gets out that you had a known poofter spend the night in your room, everyone is going to think you're a homo too? I'm trying to protect you here!”
“Thanks for the kind thought, Stick, but I think you're wrong,” Randy replied indignantly. “Adam is a FRIEND. Nothing more, nothing less. He needs our help, and if you're not going to help him, I'll do it alone. If I have to cope with a bit of flak as part of that, then so be it. I’m not leaving a friend just because it might be a little difficult.”
“A little difficult!” I yelled with disbelief. “Have you any ideas what you are talking about? You’ll lose all your friends. You’ll get picked on and abused at school. Your life will become a constant misery!”
“You arsehole!” he yelled back. Taking a deep breath, he continued in a calmer voice. “Firstly, I’ll have at least one friend – Adam. I also have more faith in my friends that you seem to have in your friends. Some may not want to be seen with me, but I’m sure that most of them won’t care that Adam’s gay. As for being picked on, I’m already bigger than most of the kids at school. Most of them wouldn’t want to cross me," he added with confidence.
“All that means is that you’ll get hit harder by more people! Half the football team will probably run over you just because of what they think you are. They won't know if it's true or not, but you'll still end up getting hurt.” I was getting frantic with worry about my brother. He was just being too arrogant about his ability to handle any problems that might occur.
“I don’t care. Adam needs our help and he needs it now. If you’re a friend, you’ll understand. I’m beginning to think that you don’t understand what being a friend means,” Randy stated resolutely. “You also obviously didn't pick up on Dad's hints.”
“What do you mean? Dad didn't hint anything!” I responded, confused.
“What's our homework?” he asked flatly. “I'll bet you ten bucks that we find that being homeless and being gay are both strong risk factors for suicide. Adam may not be suicidal now, but a few more outbursts like yours will probably drive him over the edge. Is that what you’re trying to do?” Randy's voice started to show how angry he was, as he turned back to the computer. “Shall we start?”
Was Adam suicidal? Was that what Dad was worried about? More importantly, what did I think about that? Did I want Adam to kill himself? Adam the teammate – definitely not! Adam the homo? Did I want him dead? I don't think so.... It was all so confusing!
An hour later, Randy and I sat back and turned away from the computer screen. Randy looked shocked at the numbers that were still displayed. I certainly felt as if I had been slammed hard in the stomach by a world champion boxer.
It was hard to get some concrete numbers, but the last web page we looked at showed how bad it can get. In a study on homeless youths from Portland, Oregon, in the USA, a staggering 44% of homeless gay or bisexual males had attempted suicide. Even the straight homeless guys had a rate of 33%. So even if he wasn't really gay, that still meant that Adam would have at least a one-in-three chance of trying to kill himself if he stayed homeless!
As for risk factors, Randy was right. Adam was definitely a suicide risk. Depression, lack of support, family problems – he was right in the middle of it.
“Well?” Randy said.
“Well what?”
“Are you going to accept that Ads is going to stay here? That Dad is trying to save his life? That he needs our help?” He paused for a second, glaring at me. “Do you want me to go on?”
“Okay, okay.” I surrendered, holding up my hands. “Dad knows what he’s doing. As long as I don’t have to hang around him, I suppose he can stay.”
“Alright then. Let’s go back and see Dad.”
We found Dad and Mum in the kitchen, cleaning up. They had been talking quietly, but fell silent as we came into the room.
“Did you learn anything important?” Dad asked us, though I think he was asking me more than Randy.
My eyes looked toward the floor as I scuffed my feet nervously. “I don’t mind Adam staying. I don’t want him to kill himself, and letting him stay here will help prevent that,” I stated reluctantly. I then looked up and locked my sight on my dad’s face. “But I don’t want to have anything more to do with him than I have to,” I added firmly.
Dad slowly nodded his head. “Okay. I would have liked to hear something a bit more positive from you, but it’s a start”. He then turned to Randy. “And you?”
“I’ll help in anyway I can. Just let me know.” Turning to stare angrily at me, he added, “I know what being a friend means.”
Dad looked pleased, but very tired. I also noticed wet stains on his shirt. Where had they come from?
Randy looked around. “Where’s Ads?” he asked.
“Your dad put him in your bed. He’s already asleep,” Mum replied quietly. “I think he’s gone through so much stress this week, and especially tonight, that he’s just collapsed. We were going to get the folding bed out and put it in your room, but we didn’t really have time. You can sleep in the lounge room tonight, Randy, if you like”.
“If it’s alright with you, I think I’ll sleep in the folding bed in my room. I think Ads could do with having someone near him tonight.”
I couldn’t believe it. After all I’d tried to explain to him why he shouldn’t, he still wanted to spend the night in the same room as the poofter! At least Mum seemed to understand. I was sure she’d put him right.
“I think you’re probably right. Dad was going to sleep in there with him tonight, but if you want to, that’s fine. Feel free to wake us up if you think you need us.”
WHAT! I thought Mum was going to tell him no way, but here she was aiding and abetting in the corruption of her own son. I had to do something about that. I’m too fond of my brother to let him throw his life away for a fucking cocksucker.
“Mum, Dad. Can’t you see that this isn’t a good idea? Don’t let Randy ...”
Dad interrupted angrily. “David, shut up! This is NOT your decision. Yes, Randy’s only fourteen, but at the moment he’s acting a lot more mature than a certain sixteen-year-old I could name. If he wants to be a young adult and do the right thing by a friend, then he has our COMPLETE support.” He paused and then continued in a calmer voice. “You will now drop this topic. We can discuss it more tomorrow morning, after everyone has had a good night’s sleep and everyone is a lot calmer. There are still a lot of things that we need to discuss as a family. This is not going to be easy for any of us and we have a lot of issues to sort out. In the meantime, to give you something to keep you occupied, can I suggest you give a lot of thought to tomorrow’s game, and the idea of playing on the same team as Adam?”
Glancing at the clock, he continued, “It’s only eight. Do you have any plans for tonight? I can give you a lift into town if you want to meet up with your friends.”
That’s the one thing that sucks about being a teenager on a rural property in Australia. Since the driving age is eighteen, Randy and I are almost totally dependent on our parents to get anywhere. It’s not too bad on the weekends, when we can sometimes get a bus, but there are no late-night buses near our place.
Randy looked up thoughtfully. “If it’s alright with you, Dad, I’d like to do some more research on the Internet. Do you think you can help me?”
I wondered what he meant by that. He doesn’t normally need any help with surfing the ‘net. There was something strange going on inside that blonde head of his. Dad looked at little puzzled as well.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “If that’s what you want. I have a couple of things I have to do first, but I’ll join you in the study in about half an hour.” He turned to me. “What about you, David?”
“I think I’ll give Liz a call and then go for a walk outside. A lot’s happened tonight, and I want to think about it for awhile.”
Dad smiled. “If you want to talk about it further with your mum or me, come to us at any time. This is a lot to take in, and I think we could all do with some help talking it through.”
“I think I’ll be fine for the moment, but thanks.”
Grabbing the phone, I headed off to my room, with so many thoughts running through my head. Now I have the problem of what to say to Liz. I promised that I would fill her in tomorrow, but I need to get some of this off my chest tonight. But what can I say now, and what should I do face-to-face? If I tell her that Adam’s been kicked out of home, she’s likely to spread that choice piece of gossip around to everyone she knows. If I tell her why, she may hold off, but I just feel really uncomfortable passing on that bit of news over the phone. I think that needs to be done in person. Should I wait until tomorrow, like I originally told her? But I need to tell SOMEONE what is going on!
Lying down on my bed, I started staring at the ceiling, still thinking. Am I getting anywhere, or I am just procrastinating? I really want to make this phone call, but I don’t know what to say. Okay. Deep breath time. Let’s call her and see how it goes.
As the phone rang, I started to worry. Wasn’t anyone going to answer? Maybe she’d gone out. We didn’t have plans, so she could have been out with her girlfriends.
“Hello. Trev speaking.” Liz’s brother Trevor is one cool guy. As an eighteen-year-old, he’s not only able to buy us beers occasionally, but sometimes gives us a ride on Saturday nights when Liz and I want to go see a movie.
“Hi, Trev! It’s David here. Is Liz there?”
“Hi, Stick! I’ll just go get her.”
“Stick! I didn’t expect to hear from you until tomorrow morning. What’s up?” Liz’s happy voice came down the phone line with a gusto that was almost physical.
“Hi, Liz,” I started hesitantly. Now that I had got her on the phone, I didn’t know how to start. “I’m wondering if we could meet up in town tomorrow morning. I’ve got the story on what’s been going on with Ads, but I don’t think it’s something I can talk about over the phone.”
“I’ve got some chores I have to do first thing, but I could get into town once I’ve finished. If I can’t get a lift with Trev, I’ll catch the bus. I presume we’ll go straight from there to the game?” I could just hear her straining with impatience to find out the full story.
“Yeah. That’s probably best. I’ll see you then.” Try as I might, I couldn’t keep the gloomy tone from my voice.
“Wait! What’s wrong? I’ve never heard you so hesitant. You’re never this short on the phone. Even if you don’t want to talk about it over the phone, give me some sort of hint. Or, if it’ll help, let’s talk about something else to take your mind off whatever’s bothering you,” she pleaded.
Stopping in the act of hanging up, I make a quick decision.
“Promise me you won’t say anything to anyone until after we talk tomorrow?”
“Sure! Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“I’ll fill in all the details tomorrow, but basically Adam’s been kicked out of home. He’s got a major problem with his dad at the moment. My dad’s concerned that he could end up suicidal and wants him to stay here with us. My problem is that I’m not sure that Adam’s dad was wrong. The reason Ads was kicked out is pretty scary. But I can see why Dad’s concerned. It’s all so mixed up. I don’t know if I want him to stay or not! Oh, I’m not making any sense. Look, just keep it all to yourself until we can talk tomorrow. I’m going to go for a walk down to the dam soon and try to get it all sorted in my head,” I finished in a rush.
“Wow! Now I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight. Thanks, Stick!” Liz replied sarcastically. “You sure know how to leave me hanging.” She paused, then continued on more gently. “Go for a walk and get some fresh air. I know you. If you get a chance to think things through, you’ll work it out. I’ll see you at the coffee shop tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Liz,” I replied gratefully. “See you then. Bye, Liz.”
“Bye, Stick.”
I lay on my bed for a while. It hadn’t been a great conversation, but it had helped. Having Liz’s confidence that I’d sort out this mess in my mind was a big boost. Just having someone listening as I was letting the thoughts run out of my mouth also started to help put some order into those thoughts.
I sat up, startled by a sudden thought. Who can Adam talk to? He’s going through a lot, too. More than me, to be honest. He has not only the break with this family to get over, but also the problem of turning gay! Maybe just having someone to talk to will help him get over it.
Getting up, I grabbed my summer jacket. The night was still warm, even though it’s early autumn, but the breeze at night can be chilling. It was time to wander down to my favourite thinking spot – down by the dam in the back paddock.
Randy sat down with his dad at the computer in the study.
“I was thinking that Adam is going to need a lot of support to get through the next few months,” Randy started. ”He’s lost his family and I think it’s going to get out at school pretty soon. We can help him as much as we can, but he really needs to talk to other gay kids who have gone through similar things. There must be chat rooms and message boards on the Internet for that sort of thing, and they would have the advantage of allowing him to be anonymous. What do you think?”
“I’m impressed. I think you’re spot on.” Randy’s Dad paused for second and then raised his eyebrows. “But why did you want my help?”
Randy grinned. “Because I suspect I’m going to hit a lot of porn sites on the way through, and I didn’t want you wandering in and finding me looking at gay porn. It might give the wrong impression.”
His dad laughed. “Okay. We’ll look together. If your mum walks in, I’ll cop the flak.”
The search commenced…
There is a large rocky hill at the end of the back paddock. Early on during the colonization of Australia, someone had used the side of the hill as a small quarry. It hasn’t been used as such for decades, as far as I know, but it left a small sheltered cove in the corner of the paddock. To make it even cosier, someone had built a small dam just outside the cove. Add in the surrounding gum trees, and you end up with a picturesque little corner that seems to be isolated from the rest of the world. It’s beautiful during the day, but at night the reflections of moonlight off the dam create a magical atmosphere where it seems that nothing else in the world exists. All there is is you, the water, and the occasional kangaroo.
Whenever I’m stressed or just need a quiet place to rest for a while, I go down there to get away from everything. The family understands this, and if they know that I’m there, they stay away. I have my own special place in the old quarry, where the cut-away stone has formed a small platform that provides the perfect vantage point to contemplate the water in the dam, with its reflections of the trees and sky. When I’m there, time has no meaning.
My mind was in such a state of chaos that it took longer than normal for the magic of the dam to take over. I don’t know how long I sat there, but eventually I found myself not thinking, but merely absorbing the serenity and calm like a sponge. It was time to start working on my problems.
I had been wrong to fly off the handle like I had. Reluctantly, I admitted to myself that Randy was right. Adam is still a friend and needs my support to help him through this crisis. However, I didn’t need to do this alone. Randy had already said that he would do anything he could to help. Dad and Mum would provide a place for Adam to stop running, and all of us would make a home for him to relax into.
First priority – making sure that Dad’s horror scenario would not come to pass. I could not let Adam die. When I got back, I would print out one of those webpages on the signs to look out for. Better still, I’d print out a few copies and give them out to our friends at school. I was sure Liz would help. One of the things we had read was that having someone he trusted to go to would help stop Adam from getting too depressed.
A feeling of anguish washed over me as I realized that I wouldn’t be one of those that Adam would go to. The things I had said would be like a wall between us for some time. To get Adam to overcome this delusion of being gay, I would have to wear that wall down. The problem is that a wall has two sides. I can do what I can to break down my side, but what if he just keeps building up his side in an effort to keep me away? Sighing sadly, I hesitantly accepted that I’d messed up big time. It’s unfair to put the burden on Randy’s young shoulders, no matter how broad, but he will need to be Adam’s confidant.
Second priority – getting Adam over this gay phase. I was a little lost on how to do this, but I was sure Liz would have some ideas. Finding Adam a girlfriend is an obvious thing to try, but I’m not sure what he looks for in a girl. I can’t recall him ever having a girlfriend. Maybe that’s been his problem all along. Being too shy to ask a girl out, he probably thinks that means he’s gay. I smiled as I realised that there could be a simple solution to the problem.
But what if it didn’t work out? Frowning, I contemplated what else I could do. Would a dose of what being gay really means snap him out of the delusion? Being ostracized at school, being bullied and picked on, would these help sort him out? A dangerous approach, but it might work. However, that should be kept as a last resort, as that can’t easily be reversed if it gets out of hand.
Was there anything else I could do? I couldn't think of anything. Maybe there are some suggestions on the Internet. After all, Adam can’t be the first person to make the mistake of thinking he’s gay. Someone will have been through it before and can tell me how they got sorted out.
Putting that problem aside for the moment, I remembered Dad’s comments about tomorrow's game. I wondered if I could still continue to play basketball with Adam on the same team. I no longer saw any problems with that, but would Adam want to play on the same team as me? Recalling the verbal assault I had inflicted on him, I cringed, thinking that unless Adam is a lot more forgiving that I imagined, he wouldn’t want to play if I was there. I was going to have to apologise first thing in the morning, even though I’m not really very good at apologies (I have trouble lying to myself when I’m here at the dam). I’d have to do it. Either that, or offer to sit the game out so Adam could play without me being there. I felt I owed him at least that much for what I’d said.
Okay, now I had a plan of attack. Sitting back, I let my mind go. Contemplating nothing, I watched the reflections of starlight play across the surface of the water. Showing me the indifference that the world of nature places on my thoughts, the starlight still supported me with a promise that my life will survive even this crisis.
I rested there a while, thinking of nothing, until it was time to return to the world of the average teenager…
It was close to midnight when Adam sat up with a start. The nightmare that had woken him was already fading from his mind. All he could remember was floating in the middle of a deep, black ocean under a moonless night sky, as his dad sailed away without a backward glance. His plaintive cries of “Please don’t leave me” still echoed around the room, as the tears started cascading from his eyes.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and his head dropped down as he started to sob.
“Adam? Are you alright?” came a sleepy voice, as if from a distance. It was a long moment before he could recall whom it belonged to.
“Adam, its Randy. I’m here, I won’t leave you,” the voice continued, growing stronger.
A shadowy, half-naked figure rose up beside the bed. Adam froze for a moment.
“You’re safe now. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. I won’t leave you, I promise.”
The figure sat down next to Adam and put an arm around his shoulder. For a moment, they sat like statues, neither sure what to do, before Adam rolled into the comfort of the younger boy’s chest. Hesitantly, Randy put his other arm around his heartbroken friend. Randy rocked Adam gently, his body and arms providing the safe haven that Adam so desperately needed. He wouldn’t drown in the ocean of despair whilst he had somewhere safe to rest.
[Authors note: The study on homeless youths mentioned above can be found at http://www.thebody.com/siecus/homeless_teens.html ]
I woke up at six on Saturday morning. With everything that I knew was going to happen that day running through my head, I just knew that I wasn’t going to be able to force myself back to sleep. Sighing reluctantly, I dragged my protesting body out of the bed and headed off to the bathroom to have a shower.
As I stood there, letting the water cascade over my head, the upcoming day’s events continued to dominate my thoughts.
Mum and Dad would be holding an early-morning family conference – family plus one, as I expected Adam to be involved as well. I wasn’t sure of exactly what they were going to cover, but I was certain that it would be all centred around Adam and why he’s with us. I hoped it wouldn’t go for too long, as I needed to meet up with Liz at eleven to fill her in on what’s been going on.
A momentary flash of anger consumed me as I realised how many lives are being disrupted, simply because Adam thinks he’s gay. His family has been turned upside down, with his father disowning him and kicking him out. Who knows what effect it’s been having on his mother and big sister!? I don’t really know what happened between then and last night but now my family is being completely changed by this one little thing.
It took awhile for it to sink in, but I accept that Mum and Dad are really just concerned for Adam’s health. I don’t know how he knew, but Dad realises that Adam is a major suicide risk, and Dad’s doing everything he can to prevent that from happening. He hasn’t made any comments yet on Adam being a poofter, but with a bit of luck, settling that issue will be part of the family conference. I can’t see him letting Adam act poofy while he’s staying with us.
The one I’m most surprised and worried about is my little brother. He seems to have lost all sense of perspective. He doesn’t seem to realise that until Adam gets over being gay, he needs to be careful. I honestly think he doesn’t understand the problem of having a poofter sharing his bedroom. It’s one thing for him to offer support to someone who’s potentially suicidal, but it’s a completely different thing to offer himself up as temptation to someone who wants to do unnatural things to him! I had tried to talk to him the night before, but he just shut me out and wouldn’t listen to reason. All I can do is keep an eye out and try to head off trouble when I see it approaching.
It’s obvious that Randy doesn’t know any of the stories I’ve heard from the older guys at school. Gay guys just aren’t to be trusted. Some of the Catholic guys make comments about burning in Hell. I’m not strongly religious, but put together with the other things, it all adds up to the fact that you just can’t trust poofters. I don’t recall any conversations here at home on this topic. The issue of homosexuality has just never cropped up, at least in my earshot. Is that why Randy isn’t reacting properly? He hasn’t heard Mum and Dad tell it as it really is and he hasn’t learnt at school yet how to watch out for himself. The teachers certainly don’t mention it. It’s one of those things that you have find out from the other guys.
Later today, I’m going to have to drag my girlfriend Liz into this mess, and there’s another person being affected! I need her help to turn Adam back into his normal self. Hopefully, she can find a girl who can sort out Adam and save him.
Realising that I didn’t know how long I’d been under the shower, I quickly drew my contemplations to an end. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to get into trouble for using up all the hot water, or worse, draining the water tank. Unlike the city and town folk, we don’t have water piped to our property, and have to live off rainwater – when we can – or pump water from the nearby creek, and that water is always brown, even after we run it through a filter.
As I dried off, my mind wandered forward to the basketball game coming up late in the afternoon. Recalling my decisions of the night before, I wasn’t even sure I’d be playing. I would ask Adam if he wanted me on the same team. Anger raced through me again, as I thought about being forced to ask permission to play in the team that I helped start, just because Adam thinks he’s gay. Now he’s potentially disrupting the team with his behaviour!
Returning to my room, I decided to pack my basketball gear into a bag so Dad could take it to the game for me, in case I ended up playing. That way I wouldn’t have to take it with me when I went to see Liz. I didn’t really feel like carrying a bag around with me all day – the day was going to be stressful enough without that!
As I finished up, I found myself curiously reluctant to head down to the kitchen. If I didn’t leave my bedroom, the day wouldn’t really start. If the day didn’t get started, then maybe I wouldn’t have to go through it. Sighing sadly, I shook off my reluctance and headed off down the corridor.
As I started down, an anxious thought occurred to me. Backtracking, I went past my room to my brother’s. With a feeling of trepidation, I looked into his room. As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been afraid that I was going to find Adam and Randy together or otherwise in a compromising position, but they were in separate beds, and Adam was still wearing most of the clothes he had had on the day before. It really did look like he had just collapsed and my parents had put him to bed still dressed. Tiptoeing away I headed back down to the kitchen.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t the first one there. Finding Dad standing at the kitchen window staring out across the nearby paddock while the coffee brewed, I stepped up to join him.
Glancing at me for a second before returning his gaze to the window, Dad spoke quietly to me, “It’s mornings like this that make me understand why I enjoy living out here. Unless we’re lucky, most of us live in a high-stress world where the concept of lying back and taking life at a slow and steady pace has been replaced with a high-speed drive to a destination that’s often out of date by the time we get there. But looking out this window, I see no evidence of that lifestyle. All I can see is peaceful countryside with a small mob of kangaroos grazing in the distance. Kangaroos are synonymous with Australia throughout the world, but most Australians rarely see one in the wild. We get to see them regularly. I’m part of the high-stress world five days a week, but on weekends I can usually stop and just appreciate life. I can switch off from the high-speed lifestyle, even if it’s only for a while.”
Without diverting his gaze, he sighed and put an arm around my shoulders. “I know I don’t say it a lot, but I’ve been very proud of how you have grown up. You’ve always been a polite and considerate boy. You’re now growing up to be a polite and considerate young man. The situation with Adam is going to put a lot of pressure on you and your brother – pressure that I wish you didn’t have to bear. All I can ask is that you don’t lose focus on what is really important. There will be some pain to go through, I’m sure of it, but please don’t abandon Adam just because the going gets tough.”
Glowing internally with pride at Dad’s words, I turned my gaze outwards and focused on the scene that he found so relaxing, and replied, “I’m sorry for last night, Dad. I said things that Adam should never have heard. Later, when I was sitting down at the dam, I realised that Adam needs someone to talk to more than anything else right now. Someone who will just listen. After what I said to him, I'm afraid that I can’t be that person – it will be too long before he trusts me enough again. I don’t think it’s fair, but I think Randy is going to have to be that person. I just hope he’s strong enough, for Adam’s sake.” I paused for a second as my dad turned to look at me. “I think I still have a role to play, and I’ll do what I have to, but I’ve made the job harder. I’m sorry.”
Looking back at Dad, I saw a soft smile form on his face. He looked like he was going to say something, but then he grabbed me in a hug, instead. “Thanks, son. I knew I could count on you.” Letting me go, he grinned at me. “How about I cook us some omelettes for breakfast?”
“You’re on!” I replied enthusiastically, my previous melancholic mood dissolving away. “I’ll pour the coffees while you’re cooking.”
By a mutual unspoken agreement, Dad and I spent the time before the others woke up talking about anything but the issues of the day. We both knew that what needed to be said had to be said with everyone there. Speaking about it before then would just be counterproductive.
Normally, breakfasts on the weekend are not really family affairs. Randy and I usually sleep in for as long as we want to – it’s not unusual for me to get out of bed just before lunchtime – and just get ourselves something to eat when we're up. Mum is often up early with her horses. As it turned out, she had also been up before me. She came back into the house just after Dad and I had finished our omelettes.
Looking up, Dad grinned at her. “How was your ride this morning?” Rising from the kitchen table, he walked over and gave her a quick peck on the lips.
“It went well. I’m still having a bit of a problem with the canter on the left rein, but he’s going well. I’m happy!” she smiled back.
Seeing how relaxed the two of us were, she added. “Something smells nice. Can someone cook me some while I take a shower?”
“Another omelette coming up!” Dad laughed.
For the first time since Tuesday morning, Adam woke up relaxed. There had only been one nightmare during the night, and Randy had been there to push it away. Somehow, he had instinctively known that the only medication Adam needed was to know that someone still cared for him. Adam realised that Randy must have held him until he had fallen back to sleep.
Frowning slightly, Adam pondered the differences between the two Johnson brothers. Everyone knew they weren’t really twins, but they had always seemed so much alike, it was easy to fall into the trap of thinking they would always react the same. Last night had been a rude awakening in more than one way. Adam just didn’t know what to think about David. He hadn’t had any idea on how any of his friends would react to the news of his being gay, but David’s reaction had been so far from what he had expected or feared that his mind had responded by almost retreating from reality . All that had really saved him was the support he had received from the rest of the Johnson family. Randy, in particular, had become a rock that he could cling to.
Rolling over in the bed, he saw Randy still sleeping in the folding bed that had been added to the room. Raising himself up on one elbow, he looked at his comforter from last night. For the first time ever, he contemplated Randy as a person in his own right – not Giant, not Stick’s brother, not the year 8 student from school, but just Randy – a unique individual. He was startled to realise that Randy had grown up a lot over the last year. Not just physically – that part was always shrouded by his nickname – but in character. His actions last night had hinted at a deep well of compassion hidden in that large frame.
Letting his head fall back onto the pillow and staring at the ceiling, Adam contrasted Randy with David. David also had that wellspring of compassion – he had shown it openly in too many ways over the last couple of years for Adam to deny it existed. But something had happened to taint it. Why couldn’t David show the same compassion to Adam that Randy had?
Adam lay there for a while, trying to resolve what was likely to happen that day. He would need to be honest in order to gain the support of this family. The first order of business would be to inform them of what had happened since Tuesday, when his Dad had discovered that his only son is gay. That would lead into them learning that Aiden, Gary, and their families also knew.
The sounds of Randy stirring ended his contemplations. It was time to get up and face the music.
It was obvious that everyone knew that the morning was going to be special. Randy and Adam came in for breakfast just after 8 a.m. – normally ridiculously early for a Saturday. I flinched when I saw Randy grimace with disgust as he caught sight of me. He was still obviously harbouring ill feelings to me for my comments from the night before. And then I flinched again when a flash of pain crossed Adam’s face before he looked away. I had some serious fence mending to do that morning. I sighed, knowing that I had better get started on it – waiting wasn't going to make it any easier.
I had just started to rise when I felt my Dad’s hand on my arm, gently restraining me. I glanced at him surprised, when he whispered quietly, “Wait a few minutes – he’s just walked in. Let him get a cuppa before you say anything.” Realising the sense of that, I nodded my thanks, and settled back into the chair.
Watching Randy and Adam make themselves cups of tea – my brother has never been a strong coffee drinker – I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw them having a quiet chuckle together at something Randy had said. I had never felt more excluded in my life, and knowing that the pain was largely my own fault didn’t help. The sooner I could get Adam off the idea of being gay, the sooner things could all go back to the way they were before.
I suddenly had an idea to begin to thaw relations. “Adam and Randy, would you like me to cook you breakfast this morning? We’ve all had omelettes, but if you prefer, I can cook bacon and eggs for you.” I waited hopefully for a favourable response.
Randy and Adam looked at me in surprise, before each turned to see how the other was reacting. Randy raised an eyebrow at Adam as if asking him what he thought, to which Adam simply shrugged. A long second passed while I held my breath, before Randy turned to me with a smile.
“Thanks, David. I'd like that. Can I have an omelette please?” He turned to Adam. “What would you like?”
Still refusing to look at me, Adam replied without enthusiasm, “I'll have an omelette, too, if that's okay.”
That was a start, even if it was a small one.
As Randy and Adam ate their breakfast, I got more and more nervous. I was trying to decide how to start my apology. Just come out and say it? Ease into it somehow, and if so, how should I start the conversation? Should I wait until they have finished eating, or should I start while they're occupied? Glancing around, I saw my Dad smiling at me encouragingly. As he caught me eye, he nodded at Adam, as if to say that now was the time.
I had intended to look Adam in the eye when I apologised, to show how sincere I was, but when it came to the time, I found I just couldn't do it. With a downcast face, I began.
“Umm... Adam? I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said last night. I went way over the top, and I'm sorry about that. I didn't think of what it was that you were going through, and I'm afraid I just made it worse for you.” Looking up, I saw Adam staring at me with a stony expression. “I'm happy for you to stay here as long as you want to, and if you want me to keep out of your way, I'll do my best. I'll even drop out of the team, if that helps. Please forgive me?” I ended, pleadingly.
Everyone was silent as they waited for Adam's response. Never letting his eyes leave mine, Adam put another forkful of omelette in his mouth. Chewing slowly, his stony expression altered into a flickering series of emotions that went by too fast for me to read. As he finished his mouthful, he cleared his throat. The look he finally gave me was filled with more sorrow than I thought a person could bear.
He began softly, loaded with raw emotion that tugged at the soul. “Do you have any ideas of how much pain you put me through? I've been searching since Tuesday for a place I can be safe and try to start sorting out my life. I could have accepted not being able to stay because your parents wouldn't let me. I could even, reluctantly, accept you wanting to put a little distance between us.” The anger and volume rose steadily as he continued. “But to have a good friend reject me so instantly, so absolutely – that gutted me. I felt like my insides were being ripped to shreds. I had been caught in a torrent that was carrying me from everything I knew. I THOUGHT I had found a lifeline to keep me safe, and then you went and cut it. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW CLOSE YOU CAME TO FUCKING KILLING ME?” he ended up screaming, tears pouring down his face.
Randy put his arm across Adam's shoulders, and Adam finally broke the lock on my eyes as he turned to rest his face on my brother's shoulder. With Randy holding him like a protective guardian, Adam continued in a quieter and sadder tone, “No, I can't forgive you. Not yet. It's too early. Once I have my feet back on the ground – maybe then, but not now.”
I felt all energy drain from my body as I slowly collapsed into a nearby chair. It was worse than I had expected. Now it was my turn to be rejected, my turn to feel gutted. What could I do now?
I rose slowly to my feet and started to shuffle off slowly towards my room. “Okay, then. Best of luck with the game this afternoon,” I said, resigning myself to leaving the team for Adam's sake.
“Stick, wait!” was Adam's surprising response, as he turned away from Randy to face me. “If anyone quits the team, I think it should be me. I don't know if we'll even have a team if I try to play,” he continued in a wistful tone.
“What do you mean, Adam?” queried Mum.
“I need to tell you what's happened between Tuesday and Friday,” Adam responded, still with that same wistful tone. His eyes seemed to lose focus, as if he was viewing scenes from his memories. “There are things that happened that you all need to be aware of.”
“Tell us whatever you feel comfortable with, honey,” was Mum's supportive response. “You don't have to tell us everything now if you don't want to.”
Adam shook his head. “If I don't say it now, you'll probably hear it from others, and I want to make sure you understand what has happened.”
There was a long pause while Adam appeared to gather his thoughts. No one made a sound. The only one to move was Randy, who squeezed Adam’s shoulders again in support.
Eyes still unfocused, Adam began to speak. There was almost no emotion in his voice. It wasn't a case of having no interest in the story, but more as if he was walling the emotions off because he wouldn't be able to talk if they broke through.
“The story properly begins almost two years ago, when I slowly realised I’m gay. All my friends were starting to notice girls, but I just couldn't understand the attraction. At first I thought it was just that I was a late developer, but when I found myself looking at boys in the same way they seemed to view the girls, I knew that I was different. It was another couple of months before I could put a name to what I was feeling.”
My mind reeled when I heard that. Two years ago! He's considered himself gay that long! I had been thinking that this was a recent thing. I started to feel uncomfortable about my plans to make him straight again. I didn’t think it was going to be as easy as I had first thought.
“I went into denial for a long time. I tried to get myself involved with a girl to prove to myself that I was normal, but I just couldn't do it. I tried looking at porn on my computer, but that did nothing for me either. I only really began to accept what I am a few months ago – just before Christmas.”
I could see I needed a backup plan straight away, but I was getting a sinking feeling that I might be fighting a losing war. It sounded like Adam had already tried everything himself.
“Since then, I've been discretely surfing the web, trying to work out how to cope. What to do, and what not to do. Sorry to say, I hadn't gotten very far when I got caught.”
He paused and took a sip of his then-cold cup of tea. He grimaced slightly at the taste, and continued.
“At the end of last week, Dad was made redundant at work. Naturally, this made him bitter, and he started taking it out on the rest of us. Mum was very supportive for him, and she seemed to be able to control his temper, but without Dad's wage, she had to work longer hours. This meant that she wasn't there a lot to buffer Kelly and me from Dad. Kelly took the simplest solution – she just spent more time at Uni or with her friends. With a license and car, she has that option.” He paused. “I don’t,” he added sadly.
Brushing a tear from his eyes, he continued.
“It seems that Dad knows more about computers than I had suspected. I thought I had been careful about removing the cache and history from my web browser, but somehow he discovered that I had been visiting gay web sites. When I got home from school on Tuesday night he was waiting in the living room. A nearly empty bottle of Jim Bean was on the side table next to him. I looked at him, puzzled, when I saw this, as he's not usually a big drinker. Then he looked up at me.” Adam's lips started to tremble, and his hands began to shake. “I had never seen such a look of contempt, disgust and anger in my life.”
He dropped his eyes down to meet mine. “You came close to that same look last night, Stick,” he added callously, letting his voice show some of the anger he still felt towards me.
I cringed and looked down at the table. I didn't want to see the look of hatred and sense the feeling of betrayal I knew would be there if I looked up.
“'So my poofter son has come home,’” Adam imitated his father. “’Well you can just turn around and leave again. You are no longer welcome here.'” He then returned to the same deadpan delivery he had been using for most of the story. “I was stunned and didn't move. He then proceeded to tell me how he had found gay porn files on my computer, and if that's what I liked, I could do it somewhere else.
“I started to go to my room, but he jumped up and yelled at me to get out. After taking one look at the expression on his face, I fled. I went to a nearby park, where I sat in shock. I don't know how long I was there, but when I came to my senses, it was already dark.
“Having nothing with me but my school bag that I had somehow grabbed automatically as I fled, I knew I needed to get back into the house to get some of my things – clothes if nothing else. I waited at the park until I thought it was after midnight, and then crept back to the house. I used my key to unlock the back door and crept into my room. It was a mess. The computer monitor had been smashed and my CD collection was all over the floor. My various trophies and other stuff had been scattered everywhere, most of them broken.
“I grabbed my duffle bag from the closet and started to throw clothes into it. I had worked out that my best chance of getting somewhere to stay until my dad calmed down was through school, so I made sure I packed enough school clothes to last me to the weekend, plus a handful of other clothing. I picked up the little bit of cash I had in my room and then crept back out of the house. At the time, I thought I'd be back once Dad had a chance to calm down.
“I was wrong.”
By this stage I had looked back up, and I could see the effort it took for him to say those last three words without breaking down. I doubt I could have if I had been in his shoes.
He took a couple of deep breaths and then continued.
“I stayed at the park until the sun came up. After grabbing a donut and coffee at the local shop, and trying to clean myself up as much as I could, I waited for the school bus. I was jumping at every sound, as I half expected my dad to show up at the bus stop so he could have another go at me.
“Once at school, I made arrangements to stay with Aiden that night. The only reason I chose Aiden was because he was the first one I saw that I felt comfortable asking. After school we headed back to his place. Once there, I tried ringing home to see how things were. Dad answered the phone. He sounded calm and sober until he found out who was on the other end of the call. Then he blew his top. He told me never to call there again. He said I’m not his son, and he will deny having a son to anyone who asks, and then he slammed the phone down. When Aiden came back into the room he saw me shaking and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I had problems with my dad, but I didn't tell him why. Everything was fine until his dad got home late that night. His dad rang my dad, and the shit hit the fan. He called me a poofter and told me to get away from his son. I obviously didn't move fast enough or far enough for him, as he slammed a fist hard into my left arm. It's still sore. I was allowed to sleep on the floor of the living room, but it was made very clear to me that I had to be out of the house at dawn. Aiden was told to go to his room and not to come out until I was gone. I still don't know what Aiden thinks of me. He has avoided me at school for the rest of the week.
“The next night, I stayed at Gary's. I tried a different story, but Gary's mum still ended up ringing my dad. She was at least a little sympathetic. She came back in to Gary and me and said that my dad had said I’m a homo. She then asked me if it was true. I wanted to deny it, but I couldn't. I admitted that I am. Gary got a look of horror on his face. His mum said that I could sleep on the couch that night, but I needed to find somewhere else for the next night. At least they gave me breakfast the next morning. Gary came in while I was eating, but after one look at me he turned around and went back to his room. His mum dropped both of us off at school that morning – yesterday morning – but Gary hasn't said a word to me since he learnt I’m gay.”
He looked around at everyone, his eyes brimming with tears.
“So you see, over half the team now knows I'm gay. David, Aiden and Gary all hate me. If I drop out, you'll still have seven players. If I stay, we might only have five. Less if Break, B1 or B2 freak out when they learn.”
I jumped in quickly before anyone else could comment. “Ads, I'm happy to have you in the same team as me. I thought you wouldn't want me in the same team as you. If you can put up with me, I'm more than pleased to play with you.”
My dad came in next. “Adam, I think you should play. More than anything else, I think you need some normality. You've been playing basketball with these guys for years now. You were talking earlier about wanting a lifeline. Basketball is one of your lifelines. Playing today will take your mind off things for an hour or so. Not playing is just going to make you dwell on it more.”
Randy added, “You can't keep running, Ads. Too many people know, and it looks like your dad is telling everyone who asks about you. You can face up to the issue, or wait for it to hit you when you don't expect it. We'll all be there with you. Please play?” he pleaded.
Adam sat there for a moment, his mouth half open. He looked uncertain as he gazed around at everyone's encouraging faces. I tried to give him a smile to show that I supported him, but he only glanced fleetingly at me. I looked down at the table as the smile fell from my face. After Adam's story, my mind was going back to mush. So many assumptions I had built the previous night’s decisions on looked to have been founded in quicksand. I was no longer confident in the direction I was planning to take.
As the silence dragged on, Mum brought it to a close. “You don't need to make a decision now. You can decide this afternoon, if you like. In the meantime, would you like another cup of tea? That one’s gone cold.”
Adam smiled at her. “Yes, please,” he said, and then started to giggle. I looked at everyone and they all looked as puzzled as I was as to the reason.
“What is it Ads?” Randy asked, concerned.
“Never mind,” Adam replied, still giggling. “Let’s just say that I'm feeling a lot better having had a laugh to finish that off with.” Calming down, but still smiling, he continued, “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”
“Actually, yes, there is,” Dad replied, still puzzled, but obviously willing to put that aside for the moment.
Mum said from where she was making another cup of tea, “Once you've finished your breakfast, can you put your dirty clothes into the laundry basket for me? I'll get them started before we go shopping.”
“Shopping?” Adam asked, surprised.
“Yes. From what you've said, I don't think it's a good idea for any of us to go to your house and ask for the rest of your clothes, so we'll need to buy some new ones. Unfortunately, I don't think Randy’s or David's clothes would fit you very well, so you can't borrow theirs,” Mum replied, examining him with a critical eye.
“We can't get the other important things done until Monday,” Dad added.
“What things?” Randy asked curiously.
“Well, the first thing we need to do is to get a lawyer to write up a letter that appoints your mum and me as Adam's guardians.”
He looked inquiringly at Adam, “I’m assuming that you’d like to stay here. Is there anywhere else you would prefer to go?”
“Home,” Adam replied forlornly. “But I don’t think I can do that.” He glanced at where Mum was smiling encouragingly, before turning back to my dad. “Yes, I’d like to stay here if you’ll have me.”
Smiling his acceptance, Dad continued, “Okay, once we have that letter, we then need to get your mum and dad to sign it. Once we have that, we can sort out other things, such as school, health insurance, etc. I don't know how hard that is going to be, but if your dad stays the way he's been going, he'll hopefully sign it without any qualms.” He then frowned at Adam. “I'm less sure on how your mum is going to react to the request. You haven't indicated what she feels about this. Do you have any ideas?” he asked gently.
Adam looked nervous. “I honestly don't know. I tried ringing her at work on Thursday night, but they said she wasn't there. I think she'll sign a guardianship letter, because she can see that it would be good for me. But I just don't know!” he finished, distressed.
As I watched, pained at anyone having to consider whether or not their mum still loves them, my mum crossed over to where Adam sat and took him into her arms. He was going to have one good mum, at least.
I suddenly noticed Randy glaring at me across the table. I was wondering why, when he spoke to Adam, “Hey, I hope it all goes well, as it'll be nice to have a new brother around here. Especially as the last one I had turned out to be a homophobic prick,” he added cruelly.
“Randy! Watch it or you'll end up grounded,” my dad growled. “There is no need for that. David is trying, and we don't need to have you sniping at him from the sidelines.”
I was glad Dad jumped in then, because I was speechless. I’d never heard Randy be so cruel and heartless. I couldn't work out what had brought that on, when a disturbing thought popped into my mind. I tried to push it out, denying it as a possibility, but it wouldn't go away. Could he be overreacting because he was trying to defend his boyfriend? No, it couldn't be – if they were boyfriends, Adam would have come straight here on Tuesday night. And Randy told me last night that he isn’t gay. But that was before they shared a room last night. Could Adam have corrupted my little brother that quickly? Surely not! But...
Just then the phone rang. Glad for the distraction from my thoughts, I jumped up. “I'll get it,” I yelled.
“David speaking,” I said as I picked up the phone.
“Hi, Stick, it’s Aiden. I'm trying to track down Adam. Do you know where he might be?” Aiden was speaking softly, in an almost furtive manner.
I thought for a moment, then shrugged. The news would get out soon enough. “Sure! He's here with us at the moment. Do you want me to get him?” I asked.
“Thanks! But only if he's free now. If he's busy I can give you a message for him,” Aiden replied, still whispering.
“Okay, I'll get him now.” I walked back to the table. “Ads, it's for you. It's Aidy,” I said in a neutral tone.
Adam took the phone nervously. “Aidy?” he quivered. As he listened, his face became calmer and happier, before suddenly becoming nervous again. “Thanks, mate. Thanks for everything. See you later,” he finished with a smile.
He sat for a moment, staring at the fresh cup of tea that my mum had put in front of him while he was on the phone.
“Ads, what is it?” Randy asked quietly.
Adam stared at the cup for a moment longer and then looked up at Randy and smiled. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Aidy is cool with me. It's not going to be a problem with him.” Then he frowned. “The bad news is that because of me, his dad is going to be at the game this afternoon. He tried to pull Aidy out of the team, but Aidy convinced him that it's just a game and that he doesn't need to do that. Instead, he's going to start going to the matches to ensure that 'that bloody poofter doesn't try anything'. Aidy's concerned that he's going to mouth off in a big way. If he does, I'm going to be outted to everyone who's there. It'll be all over school by Monday,” he finished, apprehensively.
He looked up. “As you said earlier, Randy, I can't keep running. The word is going to get out sooner or later,” he quietly stated. “My only decision is do I let it out today when I know it's going to happen, or wait for it to leak sometime later.”
Thinking for a second, he set his face into a resolute mask. “Giant... no, David,” he started, turning to face me, “can you please try to contact Gary to find out how he feels about me playing today? I might as well try to find out now rather than wait until just before the game.”
“Sure!” I replied, then queried, “But why do you want me to do it and not Giant?” I could see Randy echoing the question in his mind. I also noticed that Adam called me by my name instead of my nickname. I was afraid to ask whether there was an ulterior motive for that.
Looking away from me as if he didn't want to look at me more than he had to, he answered, “Because if Gary reacts badly I think you'll handle that better than Randy. Giant's just as likely to blow his stack at him if he comes over as homophobic, which will just make things worse.” Turning to my dad, he continued, “Mr. Castle, I know B1 and B2 often get a lift to the games with you. Are they going to do so today as well?”
My dad smiled. “Firstly, you can either call us Yvonne and Kevin, or hopefully, Mum and Dad. And, yes, Brett and Brian will be getting a lift with us to the game.” Raising his eyebrows, he asked, “Why did you want to know?”
“Can you ask them to come over early?” Adam asked hopefully. “If I can tell them before we leave and give them a chance to think about it, that will leave only Break to tell at the stadium.” He pondered for a second before shaking his head. “No, it's better to do it face to face, and not over the phone,” he finished, as if to himself.
When no one stepped forward to continue the conversation, I headed to the phone. “I'll try to call Gary now.”
Standing with the phone in my hand, I stopped to gather my thoughts. Given Adam's determination to not hide, I don't think there is anything I need to avoid saying, so a simple question should suffice. Okay, here goes nothing...
“Hello?” a female voice answered the phone.
“Hello, Mrs. Loveridge. It's David Johnson here. Is Gary home?”
“Just a minute,” she replied, before calling out, “Gary! Phone!”
“Hi, Gary speaking,” came Gary's voice after a few minutes.
“Hi, Gazza, its Stick. How's things?” I asked, suddenly nervous. I didn’t know how to get onto the desired topic.
“Pretty quiet at the moment. I've got some chores to do before I can head into town. Do you want to catch up?”
“Sure. I'm meeting Liz at about eleven at the coffee shop and then staying for lunch before heading off to the game. If we're not at the shop, we'll probably be down by the racetrack.”
“Sounds good to me! I'll see you then. Is that all you called for?” he asked.
“Actually, no,” I began. “Uh... I understand Ads stayed at your place on Thursday night,” I continued nervously.
“So?” was the cold response.
“He stayed with us last night, and he's told us about everything that has been going on. He said that you know that he's gay. Is that right?” I asked tentatively.
“Go on,” was the non-committal answer.
“We just want to know if there’s going to be a problem if Ads plays in the game today. Are you okay with that?” I asked nervously. Gary was certainly making me work at this.
I waited for the answer. “Gazza?” I said after a few seconds.
“Just thinking. Give me a minute or so,” was the neutral response.
It was a long minute. On the plus side, it wasn't an outright rejection. On the minus side, he obviously had grave concerns. At least he was thinking about it seriously.
Gary's voice sounded over the phone suddenly, “Who else knows he's gay?”
“My family, and Aidy and his family,” I replied. I thought for a second, then added, “But we suspect that it's going to become common knowledge pretty quickly. He's planning on telling B1 and B2 before the match, and Break at the game, so they find out before the rumours start.”
“Hmmm,” was the only response I received to the news.
After another long minute, Gary finally answered the original question. “I don't mind Ads playing. Anything else we'll play by ear. You can tell him that I wish him luck, but I don't know if I can support him when he gets in strife. Sorry,” he finished in a regretful tone.
“Thanks, Gary. I'll pass that on. Will I still see you in town?”
“Probably, but don't wait for me, just in case. See you later, Stick,” he finished.
“Okay, see you soon,” I replied before hanging up.
Returning to the kitchen, I gave Adam a smile as I walked back to the table. A look of relief flooded his face as he smiled in response.
“Gary's fine with Ads playing,” I announced happily, but then frowned. “Ads, he said to wish you luck with everything, but don't expect him to be able to support you. He said to say he’s sorry.”
Adam's mood faded visibly as he absorbed the news. Then, shrugging, he replied philosophically, “I'll take a neutral friend over an active enemy any day.”
“Okay, everyone. Let’s get moving. We have a lot of things to do this morning,” Mum piped up in the silence that followed Adam's statement. “Adam, go get your dirty clothes, and then let’s go shopping!” The enthusiasm that Mum put into that last statement brought a smile to everyone's face.
“Can you drop me off in town on the way through?” I asked. “I'm meeting Liz at eleven.” I then turned to Adam, “Is there anything you don't want me to say to her? I sort of promised last night that I’ll fill her in on what’s going on,” I added apologetically.
“I'm not running anymore,” Adam replied resolutely, though still without looking at me. “You can tell her anything you want. Just ask her to check with me before she starts telling anyone else. I'd like to have some idea of who knows and who doesn't.”
“Okay.”
As they headed off shopping, Adam felt a sense of empowerment. With the support of the Johnsons, he was beginning to take control of his life again. It would have been nice to have had the option to controlling when he was outted to everyone, but he was beginning to feel that he could survive the trial by fire that was approaching. Realistically, he knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he had some support.
Randy had mentioned some web sites that he and his dad had found the night before. Adam resolved to check them out that night. As a thought hit him, he changed his mind. That afternoon, after shopping, he had better check out what tips there were for handling verbal abuse. That was going to be the first priority. He’d check the rest out later.
It was half past ten when Mum dropped me off in town. Yarra Glen is the closest town to us, and is located just outside the northeastern suburbs of Melbourne. While there are enough things there for most shopping trips, for what Mum was planning to buy, she was travelling the extra distance to the Chirnside Park shopping centre in the Melbourne suburbs.
I decided to fill in some time looking in one of the antique stores that abound in Yarra Glen. Now, antiques are not my favourite cup of tea. Indeed, I'd have to say they are so far down the list that they rate only slightly above watching paint dry. However, my Dad's birthday is coming up next month, and I still had absolutely no ideas on what to get him. Since I had to fill in some time, I thought I'd wander through one of the stores and look for inspiration. As I'd already tried the tractor, hardware and automotive stores on earlier trips, I was beginning to get desperate.
Unfortunately, inspiration hadn't struck by the time I had to head off to the coffee shop. Yarra Glen does have more than one coffee shop, but there is only one that the school kids hang out at. So when we say “the coffee shop” it’s obvious which one we mean.
I hate being late for anything, so I wasn't surprised to find that I had beaten Liz there. Sitting down at a corner table where we'd be able to hold a semi-private conversation, I started to worry about what I was going to say when she showed up.
Ten minutes later, still in a confused, dazed state, I was startled when Liz settled into the seat next to me.
“Twice in two days! You really are slowing down, Stick,” she teased with a smile. However, when she spied my confused expression, the smile slipped. “What's wrong?”
“I thought I had it sorted all out last night, but this morning everything went crazy again. I just don't know what to do anymore,” I said, dejectedly. “I hope you can help me work it all out.”
“How about starting with what is going on?” she asked gently. “You told me that Adam's been kicked out, but not why. What's he done that made you say that his dad might have been justified in kicking him out?”
Trembling, I told her, “His dad found out that Adam's gay.”
She sat still for a moment as she absorbed what I had said.
And then she slapped me.
Raising a hand to my cheek, I looked at Liz in surprise. She had never slapped me or even threatened to slap me.
“Why’d you do that?” I asked. There was no anger in my question, only puzzlement.
“Why?” she echoed indignantly. “Why? You told me last night that Adam had been kicked out of home and that you thought it might have been justified! I spent the night trying to think of what he could have done. The only thing I could come up with was that he is into drugs, maybe even dealing drugs.” Her face was going red with anger, but thank goodness she kept her voice down. I didn’t really want the entire shop to overhear our fight.
“Now I find out that the only thing going on is that Adam’s gay,” she continued intensely. “You had me up half the night stressing out, and it’s all over such a non-issue! You deserve a lot more than a slap across the face for that.”
As I watched, she pulled herself together and appeared to calm down, though her eyes still flashed an anger that I couldn’t appreciate.
“But it’s not a non-issue!” I stated forcibly. “Look at how many people have been affected by this. He’s lost touch with his mum and sister. His dad publicly disowns him. My brother and I are fighting and Aiden’s dad could pull Aiden from the team because of Ads. How can you say it’s a non-issue? Who knows who else is going to be affected.”
Liz ran a hand through her hair as she paused to digest my point of view. “Maybe non-issue is not a good term,” she admitted. “But he’s certainly done nothing to justify being kicked out of home,” she finished hotly.
Reflecting on what I had said, she added, “What exactly are you and Randy fighting about, anyway?”
I glanced down at the table. This was not a subject I felt comfortable talking about, especially to my girlfriend. “I’m really worried about how he’s reacting to Adam,” I confided. “He told me last night that he isn’t gay, but this morning he was acting so protective of Adam that it was as if he was trying to keep his boyfriend safe! I told him that he shouldn’t stay the night in the same room as Ads,” I finished with a note of anguish.
“You’re an idiot,” Liz exclaimed with exasperation. “Either Giant’s gay, in which case you will just have to get used to the fact, or he’s just looking after a mate who needs some support.”
“My brother is not gay!” I replied angrily. Suddenly realising that I may have spoken a bit too loudly, I looked around nervously to see a few people looking at me curiously. Turning back to Liz, I quietly added, “Look, can we continue this somewhere a bit more private? Let’s walk down to the racetrack.”
Liz tilted her head slightly to one side as she considered the request, before rising to her feet. “Okay, Stick. Let’s get going.”
We walked down to the racetrack in silence, each wrapped up in our own thoughts. At least she let me hold her hand as we walked. The slap had unnerved me. Not being able to hold her hand would have probably freaked me out.
There were no races in Yarra Glen that day, though with races scheduled for the next day there was still a lot of activity going on. Liz and I sat down on a hill overlooking the course and watched quietly for a few minutes as workmen prepared the track for the next day.
Sensing that Liz was wanting me to take the lead, I slid my arm around her shoulder and lent into her for support. “Liz, I’m awfully confused at the moment. I had no idea that Ads is the way he is, and I’m not handling it well. I blew up at him yesterday when he told us, and said a lot of things that I now regret.”
Feeling her lean back into me gave me a sense of comfort and encouragement. Continuing, I said, “At first I thought this must be a phase he’s going through, because he’s just a bit confused. I thought we could fix the problem. I was going to ask your help in finding him a girlfriend to sort him out.” Feeling Liz stiffen under my arm, I quickly added, “But I learnt this morning that that isn’t true. He’s known he’s gay for two years now. I don’t understand it, but I think I’m just going to have to get used to the fact.” I gave a small sigh of relief when I felt her relax again.
“Keep going, Stick. You’re doing well,” Liz encouraged softly.
I sighed. Now was the hard bit. “I worked out last night that more than anything else, Adam needs someone to talk to – someone to give him support. Unfortunately, after my outburst, he doesn’t even want to look at me most of the time. I’ve pretty much forced him to turn to Giant to help him get through this. Randy’s great, but I’m concerned because he’s only fourteen. He can be easily led astray by Ads. He’s already said that he prefers Ads over me as a brother,” I finished sadly.
Liz and I sat together in silence for a moment, still watching the activity at the racetrack. I didn’t know what more to say.
Slowly, Liz moved out of my embrace. Turning and wondering what she was doing, I saw her smile as she moved to where she could look at me.
“Stick, what’s really your problem?” she asked gently. “Is it that you just don’t understand how Adam can be gay? Or is it that you don’t think he’s your friend anymore? Or could it be that Giant is doing something that you think should be your job? Or is it that you’re concerned that Giant is going to be hurt by all of this?”
I started to speak, but nothing came out. I knew I was concerned but I wasn’t sure why. Looking down at the ground, I thought about the questions Liz had asked.
Do I understand how Adam can be gay? The answer to that one is easy – NO! But that wasn’t really Liz’s question. It really was, am I having a problem with accepting his being gay? And the answer to that one I reluctantly admitted to myself has to be yes.
“I don’t understand him anymore,” I started as I reflected on the questions. “I’m not even sure that I ever did. Was everything we shared before a lie? Yes, that bothers me. I’ve enjoyed having him as a friend, but I don’t think I could call him that now, even if I wanted to. And I know that’s partly my fault, and that’s eating me up as well.”
I hesitated as I thought about the situation with Randy. “As for Giant, I think he’s getting in too deep. I have a feeling he’s going to get hurt, but I don’t know what I can do about it. He’s not talking to me at the moment. He’s really angry about the things I said to Ads last night. I’ve apologised to Ads, but Randy hasn’t really accepted it, and Ads didn’t accept it at all.”
Looking Liz straight in the eye, I concluded, “Randy’s only fourteen. Because of my stupidity, Adam’s turning to him for support instead of me. I don’t think Giant is mature enough to handle it without getting trapped. I’m scared for what Ads could do to him, and I’m scared about what will happen to him at school because of Ads.”
“You could be right,” Liz acknowledged quietly, as she turned back to the view over the racetrack. “But I think you need to give Randy a chance to prove himself. I’ve been watching him over the last few months, and I think he’s really started to mature.”
“You’ve been watching him?” I asked in astonishment. “What have you been watching him for? I thought I was your boyfriend!”
Smiling cheekily at me over her shoulder as she lay back into my chest, she answered, “You are! But I can tell a lot about a guy from his family, so I’ve been watching yours, and I’ve been very impressed.”
A warm glow spread through me at her compliments. I put my arms around her as she rested her back against my body, and some of the dark clouds started to leave my mind.
“There is one thing, though, that I think you need to understand, Stick,” she continued. “When we started, you listed some of the things that are going on. Do you realise that absolutely none of the issues you raised have anything to do with Adam?” she asked.
Surprised by the comment, I thought for a moment. Everything has to do with Adam! If he weren’t gay he’d still be at home with his family, and Randy would still be speaking to me. There would be not disrupting influences on the basketball team, and everything would be going well.
“What do you mean?” I asked. I really couldn’t understand where she was coming from with that comment.
“I think it’s obvious,” she replied calmly, leaning her head back to rest on my shoulder. “All of the issues you raised are to do with the other people, not Adam. Mr. Trent has a problem with accepting who his son is. He’s the one who is causing the problems in that family, not Ads. And you seem to have the same problem and that’s upset Giant. It’s not Adam that’s caused the fight between you and Randy – it’s you and how you reacted. And now Aiden’s dad is having a problem accepting that his son plays basketball with someone who is gay. That’s not Adam’s fault. All everyone has to do is accept him for who he is, and all the problems will disappear.”
While I tried to absorb this, she continued with a touch of steel in her voice, “I am assuming that you no longer have a problem with Adam being gay. I am right, aren’t I? You don’t have a problem with him being gay?”
My mind started to race as I realised that my response to her question was going to be critical. I knew better than to try to lie. I haven’t managed to do that successfully with Liz for months.
I started slowly, “What he does in the privacy of his own bedroom is really none of my business. I don’t need to know and I don’t want to know any details of what he does.” I paused for a moment and then continued, “But, if he tries to do anything with my little brother, I’ll definitely have a problem with that. I don’t want him corrupting him!” I finished firmly.
My pleasure at being able to correctly answer her question was blown away in an instant, as she pulled herself out of my arms, and spun around to glare at me.
“How dare you think that of Adam!” she challenged. “You’ve known him for years, and he’s never been anything but a good friend. How can you even consider that he’d do something to Giant? You’re seeing possibilities that just aren’t there!”
“That’s not true!” I responded indignantly. “How am I supposed to know what he’s thinking, anymore? If he puts his arm on my shoulder during a game, is it because he’s being a mate, or is he trying to start something?” My voice started to rise in volume and anger as I continued, “And you didn’t see the way he’s got Randy acting! I just know that he’d love to turn Giant gay. I don’t want that to happen if I can prevent it!”
“You’re a bastard!” she snarled, as I looked back in shock. “You think Adam is some sort of pervert that’s going to go around molesting everyone. Haven’t you got it through that head of yours that HE HASN’T CHANGED! He’s still the same person who pulled you out of the creek last year during the floods. He hasn’t changed at all. All that’s happened is that you now know why he doesn’t have a girlfriend!”
Standing up, she looked down at me in disgust. “I’m going now before one of us says something that we’ll both regret. Don’t expect to see me at the game, and don’t try calling until you’ve sorted out your issues. I don’t need a homophobic boyfriend!” she finished with vehemence. Turning, she strode away up the hill back into town.
I sat there for a moment before my brain registered that she was walking off. Possibly even walking out of my life! I rose quickly and ran after her. “Wait, Liz. Please wait? Can’t we talk this out?” Putting my hand on her shoulder, I pleaded, “Please?”
Spinning round to face me with an anger that seemed to be held in check only by a thread, she said through gritted teeth, “Take your hands off me, you prick!” At least she didn’t yell it. As I quickly dropped my hand, she added, “Don’t follow me. Don’t talk to me. Just go back and start thinking!”
I stood there as she marched out of sight. With my world crumbling around me, I fought back the tears that threatened to well up from the bottom of my breaking heart. Not caring that I was in the middle of the path, I dropped where I was standing and squatted, holding my knees to my chest. With Liz’s words running through my mind, I recalled that incident during last year’s floods.
Adam, Randy and I had been playing down by the creek, watching as the floodwaters sweep down on their way to the Yarra River. It was the biggest we’d ever seen the creek get, and we were enjoying watching the debris swirl down the stream. It was Randy who first spotted the joey in the water, clinging desperately to a small log. The way its head was swinging from side to side showed that the baby kangaroo was in trouble.
Not one to let the joey drown, I jumped to my feet and stripped off my clothes. I remember calling out to Randy and Adam to get a tree branch to help pull me back in. Our parents had made us take swimming lessons since we were three, and I was confident that there was no real risk in going in to rescue the joey. After all, the creek was less than thirty feet across. It was flowing swiftly with all the floodwater, but I wouldn’t be in there for too long.
What I hadn’t anticipated was being hit in the head by the log as I grabbed the kangaroo from it. I don’t remember too much of what happened next, but I know the story that Randy and Adam told my parents later that day.
After being hit, I disappeared from sight for several long seconds. Randy just stood there screaming my name as he desperately looked for me in the water. Adam, however, ran downstream to where an old gum tree reached across the creek. Quickly swinging himself out over the creek, he dropped into the water as soon as he saw me surface, still holding the joey tight to my body. Grabbing me under the arms, he slowly swam us back to the quieter water at the edge of the creek. Once there, he and Randy pulled me and the joey onto dry land.
I must have let the kangaroo go then, because they told me that Randy went white at the sight of the blood on my lower body. It seems that in its panic, the joey had clawed at me with its hind legs. I was lucky it wasn’t a full-grown roo, as otherwise it would have disembowelled me with those claws.
Adam used his shirt to wash away most of the blood and then applied pressure to try to slow down the bleeding. Randy, in the meantime, had rushed back home to get help. I had passed out by the time Mum came down to get me in the four-wheel drive, so I don’t remember later on when I took the only ambulance ride I’ve ever had. Luckily, there were no permanent injuries, just a few scars down my right side.
At least we saved the joey! It turned out that it had a broken leg, so the ranger took it to the Healesville Wildlife Sanctuary for recuperation. It was released back into the wild about six months later.
I have to admit that Adam probably saved my life that day. I might have managed to get out of the creek by myself, though I was groggy from the blow to my head, if I hadn’t been holding onto the joey. If Ads hadn’t dragged me out, would I have eventually recovered my senses enough to let the baby kangaroo go and save myself? Or would I have held on until it was too late? I don’t know the answer to that one, and I’m glad that the question is academic. I lived and so did the joey. The ranger allowed me to accompany him when he released the joey back into the wild. Watching it bound back into the bush is still one of the proudest moments of my life.
Now I know that even then, Adam knew he’s gay. Does that make his saving my life any different? Honestly, I have to admit that it doesn’t. Saving a life is an absolute. But what about the motive? Did he save me as a friend, or did he save me because he wanted something more?
My mind started racing in ever-diminishing circles as I started to review incidents over the last year, wondering if there had been other reasons for Adam’s actions than just being a friend. Had he been attracted to me? Shying back from the images that suddenly arose, I tried desperately to think of something else.
“Stick? Are you okay, mate?” Where did that voice come from?
I felt my body being shaken as I brought myself back to reality. Focusing my eyes, I looked up into Gary’s worried face.
“You look all spaced out and your face is so pale! Are you coming down with something? Do you want me to get you home?” Gazza’s concern was evident as he examined my face intently, looking for a clue as to what was wrong.
Still dazed from everything that had occurred, I blurted out, "Liz has left me!" I struggled again to keep back the tears that threatened to form.
Glancing over to my left, Gary reached down and grabbed my right hand. Pulling me to my feet, he said, “Come on, mate. Lets find somewhere to sit down and talk.” Following his glance, I saw his girlfriend Mary standing nearby, watching me anxiously as she ran a hand through her long black hair.
As we walked back up into town, I felt grateful to Gary and Mary. Arriving when they did had shaken my thoughts from the useless cycle they had been running through.
As we approached the coffee shop I realised that I couldn’t go in there. The memory of being slapped by Liz in there was too recent. As I froze in place, Gary and Mary took a couple of steps forward before they noticed that I wasn’t following.
“What’s the matter, Stick?” asked a concerned Mary.
“Can we go somewhere else, please? How about the park on the other side of the road?” I pleaded, evading the question. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer it, but rather that I didn’t want to explain everything while we stood outside of the coffee shop.
Mary and Gazza exchanged looks of puzzlement before yielding to my request. I could tell that they weren’t going to let me go without a full explanation. As we approached the park, I began to think of how to tell my story. I hadn’t done a good job with Liz, and I didn’t want to end up losing another friendship because I haven’t explained myself properly.
Gazza and Mary sat on one side of a picnic table in the park and I sat on the other side, facing them, and began:
“Gazza, how much have you told Mary about what is going on at the moment? I mean about Adam and why he’s staying at our place for now.”
Gary seemed to shrink into himself as Mary turned to look at him.
“He hasn’t told me anything,” Mary interjected in surprise. “Is there something I should know about that he’d been holding back?” she continued in a threatening tone whilst glaring at Gary.
Aghast that I’d put my foot in it again, I quickly jumped in, “It’s almost certainly going to be all over the school on Monday, but I know that Gazza promised Adam not to tell anyone. Adam only told my family last night, and informed us this morning that Gazza knows.”
Mary turned her steely gaze to me. I was peripherally aware that Gary had relaxed with relief, but Mary’s gaze held my attention with an unspoken threat of trouble if I didn’t start talking, and fast.
“Adam was kicked out of home by his father on Tuesday night because he’s gay,” I started. Mary’s eyes widened in astonishment as that simple statement struck home, and I continued, “He stayed with Aidy on Wednesday and Gazza on Thursday. Last night he stayed with us, and my parents have offered to let him stay as long as he wants to.”
Knowing that I had to get this out quickly before I lost control of my emotions, I rushed on. “I blew up and said things to Ads that I now regret. Giant and I have had a big fight on the subject and he now hates me. Liz appears to be against me as well. She told me that she doesn’t want to see or hear from me and walked off. That was just before you found me.” Looking down at the picnic table before me, I quietly added, “Everything is breaking up on me, and it’s all because Adam’s gay.” I struggled hard to keep the pain that was rising in my heart from breaking through my wall of stoicism.
Silence reigned after I stopped speaking. I probably should have looked up to see what they were thinking or doing, but I was afraid that I’d see another rejection. I had already lost the two most important people in my life – Randy and Liz – and I couldn’t bear to lose any more. As I contemplated a life without Randy and Liz, the pain broke through and I lost control. Lowering my face into my hands, I started to weep. Tears cascaded down my face, as sobs of anguish rose from what was left of my heart. My ears heard noises, but nothing penetrated until I felt someone sit down on my right, and then another on my left. Words were spoken to me from both the left and right, but I didn’t hear or understand any of them. All I could absorb was the feeling that I wasn’t alone – that there were still people who cared about me.
I have no idea how long I sat there, but as I slowly regained control and brought myself back to reality, I noticed that the words had stopped. The comforting souls were still there, but all of the communication was now being done by simple proximity. With a final gulp to end my cries, I raised by head from my hands.
I was amazed to find Gary’s mum sitting across the table from me with an anxious look. Turning my head, I found Gazza on my left, his hand still on my left shoulder. He gave me a small smile of support, which I returned after I wiped my tears away with a quick swipe of a hand. When I turned to the right, Mary didn’t smile at me, but instead gave me a look of compassionate support that acknowledged the pain I was going through.
Mrs. Loveridge began quietly, “David, I think I should take you home. Staying in Yarra Glen isn’t going to do you any good today.”
“How...” I began, but then turned to my left as Gary quietly interrupted me.
“I called her on my mobile. I tried your place first but there wasn't any answer, so I called my mum,” he explained softly. “Try to get some rest. And if you don't make it to the game today it's not the end of the world. We're going to make the finals regardless of the outcome of the match. You can skip the game if you need to.”
I looked at Mary as I heard her start to speak softly, “We haven't really had a chance to talk before, David, but if you want a sympathetic stranger to talk to, give me a call.” She put a piece of paper in my jacket pocket before continuing, “Or you can talk to Gary if you just want to sound off to a friend. I've given you his mobile number as well, as he said that he didn't think you had it.” Rising to her feet, she finished gently, “We'll let Mrs. Loveridge take you home now. As Gary said, just try to get some rest. You look like you've been through a war.”
Sitting at that picnic table as I watched them walk away, hand in hand, I began to appreciate the quality of my friends. Randy's comment from the night before returned to haunt me – how he has more faith in his friends that I seem to have in mine. How much faith DO I have in my friends?
Shaking myself free from my thoughts, I turned back to Mrs. Loveridge. “Thank you very much for this, Mrs. Loveridge. I really appreciate it.”
She smiled wryly. “That's okay, David. Let's get you home.”
I don't remember the trip back. I can't even remember what I was thinking about. It was as if my mind shut down until we pulled into our driveway. It was only when I heard Mrs. Loveridge telling me that I was home that my mind re-engaged. After thanking her again, I slowly strolled towards the house.
For a moment I stopped and thought about going down to the dam, but as I recalled what it was I would be contemplating, I abandoned the idea and continued on into the house. Since everyone was still apparently out shopping, I did what Gazza and Mary had suggested and lay down on my bed to rest. I hadn't expected to fall asleep, but the exhausting drain of my emotional release in the park was more powerful that I had realised.
When I awoke, it was to the noise of Adam and Randy laughing in the corridor. Not wanting to confront them, I rolled over to face away from the door. If they looked in, they'd see me, but hopefully would think I was asleep.
As I lay there, my mind shied away from any attempt to ponder the circumstances that had brought me to this point. All I could do was silently rage at the injustice of the world. I had done nothing wrong, but the people I loved were abandoning me! Swinging from anger to grief, from sorrow to bitterness, my emotions kept circling. I knew that was doing me no good, but I couldn’t stop it.
There may have been some noises from out in the corridor, but the emotional cycle I was on left no room for interruptions. It was only when the bed moved from the weight of someone sitting on the edge that the cycle was broken.
“Honey, what's wrong? We thought you were staying in town with Liz until the game,” came my mum's concerned voice.
Without turning over, I sobbed, “I don't want to talk about it.” Taking a deep breath to settle myself, I added, “Can you please just leave me alone for awhile?”
Feeling her hand gently squeezing my shoulder, I heard her say, “Okay, honey. Come on out when you're ready.” I returned to the emotional cycle that was slowly draining me of all energy.
It was sometime later before I finally accepted that I was getting nowhere. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it would soon be time to get ready for the game. I was in no fit state to play, but I made up my mind to go, even if only to watch.
Getting up, I went to my closet to get my gear, and then cursed. I had packed everything earlier, when I thought I'd be going straight to the game, and it was already in the Land Cruiser, ready to go.
Mentally arming myself for the gauntlet of questions I'd be facing, I opened my bedroom door and headed off to get my gear.
Just before I got to the door of the living room, I stopped as I heard Adam's voice.
“... and I'm gay,” I heard him say.
For a moment I was confused about who he was talking to, before I remembered that he was going to tell Brett and Brian before they all headed off to the game. I froze as I waited for their response. So far those three simple words had caused tidal waves in the lives of everyone who’d heard them.
There was no noise for almost a minute. I could imagine the silent conversation the twins would be having with each other. It was something I had seen many times, but it never ceased to amaze me how they could come to a consensus on something without saying a word.
“So, do you have a boyfriend yet?” I don't know which twin said it, but I could only gape at the matter-of-fact tone with which it was asked.
“No,” was Adam's surprised response. “No one knew until Tuesday when my dad found out. I haven't even thought about a boyfriend.” I could tell from his tone that he was relieved that the twins had taken the news so well – almost as if the news really didn't matter.
Not wanting to hear anything more just in case he mentioned Randy's name, or worse, that Randy piped up with a comment, I ran out the front door and sprinted to the car. Collecting the bag containing my basketball gear, I waited a moment to settle myself before slowly walking back to the house. Stopping with one hand on the doorknob, I wondered what I was going to do. How should I handle the inevitable questions? Still uncertain, I opened the door and entered the house.
Walking down the hallway back to my room, I was stopped as B1 came out of the living room.
“Hi, Stick! Shouldn't you be getting ready? We'll be heading off soon,” he said amiably.
“I'm just going back to get changed now. I had forgotten that my gear was in the car,” I replied nervously, as I moved past him. I hoped he wouldn’t want to keep chatting, as I didn't want to get caught by anyone else. Holding a conversation was beyond my capabilities at that moment.
He looked at me, puzzled at my obvious discomfort, before shrugging and heading off to the bathroom.
With a sigh of relief, I returned to my room and shut the door. Putting my bag on the floor, I sat on the side of the bed and looked blankly at it. Did I really want to get ready for a game of basketball for which I no longer had any enthusiasm? With my inclination to find a hole to crawl into for the rest of my life warring with my sense of team loyalty that demanded I go, I just sat and did nothing for several minutes.
Eventually accepting that my wish to just disappear was immature, I picked up my gear and got changed. I thought… If Dad coaches, as he usually does, I'll tell him that I don't really want to play – I'll just be there if they really need me.
Moving with a weariness that seeped through every pore of my body, I joined the rest of the family. I found them all in the living room, in an obviously cheerful mood that immediately sent a surge of resentment through me. How dare they be happy when my life was crashing down around me!
Looking concerned as he saw me standing in the doorway, my dad asked, “Are you okay, David?”
“No,” I answered bluntly, “but I don't want to talk about it. Are we ready to go?”
“We're ready, but it's a bit early. We’re not leaving for another five minutes,” he responded, apparently perplexed by my behaviour.
“Fine!” I said coldly. “I'll wait in the car until then.”
Turning to go, I was stopped by Dad's plea, “David, please wait. If there’s a problem, we have time to talk about it before we go.”
Without turning, I replied, “I've already said I don't want to talk about it! Now can you please just leave me alone?” My heated response appeared to have served its purpose. I stormed off to the car.
Not wanting to talk on the ride to the stadium, or even look at anyone else, I had two choices on where to sit in the Land Cruiser. If I took the front seat, I wouldn't have to see anyone, but Dad would be in a position to question me as he drove. Quickly deciding, I took one of the two fold-down seats at the back of the car. That way, everyone else would be in front of me and unable to watch me without turning around. Since those seats face sideways instead of to the front, I wouldn't even need to look at the backs of their heads.
Staring blankly into space, I waited for everyone else to show up.
When the others arrived sooner than I had anticipated, I caught sight of startled looks as they saw where I had chosen to sit. Randy took the front seat next to Dad, as I expected, with Adam sitting in one of the middle seats. B1 and B2 exchanged a quick glance before Brett sat in a middle seat. I was surprised and angry, however, when Brian took the other fold-down rear seat, facing me. The fold-down seats are more uncomfortable for someone of our size than the middle seat, so I knew this was done deliberately for my sake. Now I would have to sit facing B2 for the entire trip. Couldn't he see that I wanted to be left alone?
“Okay, boys, let's get going!” Dad enthused as he started up the engine. Normally his eagerness to get to the basketball stadium would get us all revved up for the game, but today I was not letting anything dispel my gloomy mood.
After scowling at Brian's sympathetic expression, I turned my head to the back of the car and looked out the rear window. If I didn't look at anyone, I wouldn't have to acknowledge that I heard anything they said. The trip was going to be miserable, anyway. How bad it was going to get depended on whether or not Brian could take a hint and leave me alone.
Giant, Ads and B1 started up a conversation about the weakness of the various players on the Steels Creek basketball team that we would be playing. Since we'd already played against them several times in the last year, and we also knew several from school, there was little new information discussed. We were beaten last time we played them, in a tightly fought contest that was decided in the last minute of the game. I quickly tuned them out. With no intention of playing much of the match, I didn't need to be reminded of which players to watch out for.
“You know, Stick, that you can talk to us if it will help.” Brian's low-voiced comment interrupted my thoughts as I stared out the rear window.
Before I could catch myself, I turned my head to glower at him. His expression of sympathy infuriated me further. How could he just sit there patiently with everything that was going on around him?
I was about to yell at him when my anger drained away like water down the sink. B1 and B2 were not the ones I was upset with. All they were doing was trying to be helpful. They probably didn't even know what was going on.
“Sorry. I know you're just trying to help,” I apologised quietly. “I'm just not ready to talk about it. Can you please just leave me alone for awhile?”
“Sure thing, mate. Just remember, we'll be there whenever you want,” came the supportive reply.
Mercifully, Brian stayed silent for the rest of the journey. I tuned out the others, as they made no effort to involve me in their conversations. Brett parried any attempt Randy or Adam made to speak to Brian, giving me a quiet oasis at the back of the car to relax into. With my anger gone, the gloom that had embraced me before seemed to be more distant. As with Gazza and Mary at the park, I drew strength from the simple proximity of Brian. My mind was still in chaos, but a new foundation of friendship and support was being formed to help me through the troubles I faced.
Standing outside the entrance to the hospital’s emergency department in a confused state of anger and fear, I reflected that this was not the way I had intended to spend my Saturday night. I felt anger at the actions of Aiden’s dad – how could any adult go so far as to put a kid into hospital? – and fear, because I could feel that this was just a warning of things to come.
Everyone else was inside, but I couldn’t stay there with them. The sight of him lying unconscious, still covered in blood, was too much for me. Instead, standing outside in the fresh air, looking blankly over the car park in front of me, I recalled the events that lead to our being there. I couldn’t help wondering if there was something that I could have to done to prevent this from happening…
When we arrived at the basketball stadium, I was feeling relaxed and almost ready to play. It felt strange that the events that turned my world upside down had started near here less than forty-eight hours ago.
When the school had a new sports stadium built five years ago, to help defray the costs they negotiated an arrangement with a number of sporting associations to allow it to be used outside of school hours. This meant that we now had basketball games at both the main stadium in Lilydale, and the new stadium at the Yarra Valley Christian College.
So here I was again, just across the car park from where Adam had approached Randy and me yesterday morning. Looking reflectively back at that significant spot and remembering my dad’s concerns, I knew that Adam needed a safe place to stay, but why did it have to be with us! Dropping my eyes to the tyre-marked concrete, I let the surge of resentment fade away. Wishing that the past could be changed wasn’t going to help.
Turning towards the stadium entrance, I was surprised to see Dad, B1 and B2 watching me anxiously. With everyone else having apparently already entered the building, I was touched at the concern they showed. Giving them a wry half-smile, I started to walk slowly towards where they stood. Brett and Brian glanced quickly at each other before grinning back to me. With a cry of, “See you on the court!” they dashed up the stairs and went inside.
As I approached, Dad questioned me with his eyes. Shaking my head, I wordlessly told him that I wasn’t ready to speak on what was troubling me. Turning to enter the stadium with me, he placed an arm across my shoulders and gently squeezed. “Whenever you’re ready,” were the softly spoken words.
We found that the game before ours was still going, with thirteen minutes still on the clock. With the local rules for stopping the clock after each whistle during the last three minutes of the game, I knew we had at least fifteen minutes before we could take the court to warm up. As I sat down on one of the benches that ran down both long sides of the court, I glanced around to see who else was there.
I saw Michael O’Conner and his dad from the Steels Creek team sitting with Randy and Adam. Michael shares a number of classes with me at school and we generally get along pretty well. He’s also the only player in our grade who can give Randy a run for his money under the basket. An affable redhead, his Celtic heritage shows in his mild Irish accent. Despite the on-court rivalry, there is no rancor between Randy and Michael, either on or off the court – only a healthy respect for each other's talents.
Further down the court, I could see Brett and Brian chatting with Leo and Tran, two more of the opposition players who had arrived early. As both go to the same school as B1 and B2, I don’t know them very well, but apparently the four of them often practice together at lunchtimes. Tran is one of the Steels Creek's main players. What he lacks in height, the young Vietnamese boy more than makes up for in speed and shooting accuracy.
Given my current emotional state, I was going to sit down somewhere by myself, but when I saw Fiona Britton bearing down on me, I quickly decided to join Randy, Adam and Michael. Fiona is one of Liz's girlfriends, and I was in no mood to be questioned about why Liz wasn't there. I was hoping that if I was talking with the others, she wouldn't interrupt with questions.
Ignoring the look of disgust that Randy flashed me as I squeezed in next to Adam, I forced a smile at Michael. “Hi Mike! Are you going to let Giant show you how to play properly today?”
“I thought he was going to continue the lessons on how NOT to play properly,” Michael replied cheekily.
Randy opened his mouth to retort, but unfortunately Fiona chose that moment to butt in, “Stick, where's Liz? I thought she was with you today.” Her tone indicated clearly that she wanted a serious answer.
“Sorry Fee, I don't know where she is,” I replied indifferently, though it took every bit of self-control I had, as I glanced up at her. “She wasn't feeling very well, so I think she decided to head home,” I continued, lying through my teeth.
“Oh. I'd better ring her tonight to make sure she's okay,” she declared, as she glanced back towards Leo, her current boyfriend. “Good luck with the game,” she added as she headed off.
Relieved that I had managed to get out of that one easily, I failed to notice Gazza and Mary coming in until they were standing in front of me.
“Are you feeling okay now, Stick?” Mary asked gently, while Gary, holding onto her hand, looked at me with concern.
“Yeah, I'm fine!” was my reply. I knew it was unconvincing as I said it, but I couldn't tell the truth, not there in public. I tried looking away to hint that I didn't want to talk, but that tactic backfired miserably when I caught Randy staring at me.
“Stick, are you going to tell us what's going on?” he asked flatly. “Did something happen between you and Liz today?”
Panicking, I jumped up and raced out the door. A tidal wave of despair swept over me as Randy's words brought everything back to the front of my mind, shattering the calm that I had achieved on the drive to the game.
As I stood on the stairs outside, struggling to hold back the tears rising from the depths of my heart, I felt a hand rest gently on my right arm.
“We're sorry, David. We didn't realise that you hadn't told anyone else,” Mary apologised quietly as she stood next to me.
“’S okay,” I sniffed, trying to regain my composure.
As I settled down, I could hear Gary's angry voice coming from the open door. Knowing his temper, I half-heartily smiled. “It sounds like Gazza's reading the riot act to Giant in there.”
Mary flashed me a quick grin. “If you're feeling okay, I think I'd better go back inside and make sure that he and Giant will still be able to play. You have a game starting in a few minutes.”
“Go. I'll be all right. Just give me a little time to calm down,” I responded, truthfully.
After an intense examining look, she apparently felt that I was being honest. Letting go of my arm after a quick squeeze of support, she returned to where her boyfriend was arguing with my brother.
Struggling to control myself, I forced my mind away from the subject of Liz and back towards the game that would soon start. Recalling my dad’s comments from last night, I realised that for me as well as Ads, basketball is a lifeline that I can grab hold of when events are sweeping everything else out of control.
Slowly regaining a semblance of calm, I noticed Aiden and his parents getting out of their car. My personal concerns were suddenly swept aside as I viewed the family. Mr. Trent is a broad, middle-aged individual, but much of his size is muscle, not fat. He had been in the Australian Defence Force, but I couldn't remember if I had ever been told whether it was the Navy or Army. I know it wasn't the Air Force, as I recall Aiden retelling his father’s disparaging comments about flyboys. Watching him move towards the stadium entrance, a look of thunder on his face, I had a vision of an unstoppable tank bearing menacingly down on me.
Realising that I was staring, and not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, I stepped back inside. Noticing that Gary and Randy were still arguing, I moved quietly over to Adam.
“Ads, I just saw Aiden and his parents arrive. It’s up to you, but you might want to move down and join B1 and B2,” I suggested softly. With the noise of the argument going on, I’m sure no one overheard my comment.
With a surprised look that transformed into one of gratitude, Adam stood up and pushed his way between Gary and Randy. “Excuse me,” he said, as he headed down to the other end of the stadium.
As I followed Ads with my eyes, I was peripherally aware that Gary and Randy had stopped arguing and were staring at me, puzzled.
“Aiden and his dad have just arrived,” I answered their unspoken question quietly. “I think we should all go down to join B1 and B2, don’t you?”
With a quick nod of agreement, Randy, Gary and Mary headed off to join the others. I was about to go as well, when I noticed Michael and his dad looking at me, perplexed. Remembering Adam’s comments from last night about hearing stories first hand rather than via rumour, I sat down again.
“Some sort of explanation is in order, I suppose,” I started, hesitantly. “There is a lot going on at the moment, and it’s not my place to tell all of it, but we have reason to suspect that there might be some conflict today between Aiden’s dad and Adam. We’re just trying to minimise the risks.”
At that moment, Aiden and Mr. Trent came through the door, Mrs. Trent following anxiously behind them, staring worriedly at her husband. I watched nervously to see what they would do. Scowling fiercely, Mr. Trent looked around the stadium. “Is that faggot here yet?” he asked rhetorically, making no effort to keep his voice down. “Ah. There he is! Come on son, you’re sitting with me on the other side of the court,” he continued with contempt, dragging Aiden by the arm.
I sighed. So much for my hope that he would stay quiet.
“Okay, that answers one question,” I stated despondently. Turning back to Michael and Mr. O’Conner, I filled in some of the missing details. “Adam was kicked out of home this week because he’s gay. He stayed one night with Aiden, but you can see what his dad thinks of the situation. Adam’s living with me and Randy now.” Standing up, I pleaded with Michael; “He’s going through a really rough patch at the moment, Mike. Can we try to keep this off the court for today? Everyone’s tempers are being frayed, and I’m afraid the wrong comment could end up starting a fight.”
“Okay, Stick,” was the distracted response, as he sat looking and frowning at Aiden and his parents. I had obviously given him a lot to think about. Hopefully he’ll be able to keep his teammates from stirring up anything.
Starting off to join the others, I suddenly turned and headed back outside instead. The situation with Aiden’s dad had taken my mind off my Liz problem for the moment, but it reminded me that Scott still hadn’t been told about Ads. Waiting outside for Scott would allow me that much more time to settle myself.
Stepping outside, I came face to face with Scott and his elder brother, Chris. There went any chance for settling my mind.
“Hi, Break. Hi, Chris,” I said with false cheerfulness. “Ads wants an urgent word with you, Break. Come on, we don’t have much time before the game starts,” I added, heading back inside.
“Do you know what Ads wants?” Scott asked, as he followed me into the stadium.
“I do, but I think its best that you hear it from him.”
The three of us proceeded down the side of the basketball court to where everyone else, apart from Aiden, was waiting. Most were striping off their shirts and putting on the uniforms that Dad was handing out.
As he watched us approach, Adam stood up with a look of nervous resolve. Seeing this, the rest of the team sat down and went quiet, apart from Randy, who stood behind Adam with one hand resting on his shoulder in support. My dad sat quietly next to where Adam was standing. I could tell he was ready to jump up and intervene if anything went wrong.
Stopping in front of Adam, I said, “Ads, I’ve told Break that you wanted to speak to him. Also, I heard Aiden’s dad mouthing off, and he wasn’t trying to keep quiet about it. I think we’ll need to assume the worst.” Ads nodded, and I moved behind Scott and Chris. It was now up to Adam.
He began, “Break, I need to say this quickly, so I understand if it’s too much to sink in at once. If you want time to absorb it, just say and I’ll give you as much space as you need.”
Scott looked perplexed. “What the hell are you going on about, Ads?” he asked.
Adam took a deep breath. “I was kicked out of home by my dad on Tuesday. He’s disowned me and doesn’t want to see me again. I’m now staying with Giant and his family. Everyone in the team, apart from you, now knows all the essential details of what’s been going on.”
I was gutted when I realised that he had mentioned Randy by name, but not me. I don’t know if Scott picked up on it, but I saw Brett and Brian exchange glances before turning back to watch the scene that was playing out.
“Aiden’s dad also knows the reason, which is why he’s here today and keeping Aiden on the other side of the court.”
Scott’s head flicked around in surprise to where Aiden was sitting. Until then, I don’t think he had realised that Aidy was there. As he turned back to look at Adam, I could see that he was now totally perplexed. Before he could ask anything, Adam continued.
“Scott, the reason for all of this is because I’m gay,” Adam stated firmly, straightening his back and looking directly at Scott. As Scott’s jaw dropped, Adam added, “We’re all expecting Aiden’s dad to start mouthing off during the game, so I wanted to get in and tell you what the situation is first.”
“You’re a fucking faggot?” Scott was asking a question, as if he hoped Adam would deny it.
As Adam urgently raised a hand towards him, Scott flinched away. “Keep away from me!” Spinning around, Scott bolted for the door.
I started to go after him. After all, I probably knew what he was thinking better than anyone else, but I felt someone grab me by the arm. Turning in surprise, I found Chris holding onto me. “Let him go,” he said calmly. “He’s not going anywhere. It’s just a bit of a shock to find out your best friend’s queer.”
Staring blankly for a second, I nodded as I realised he was right. Chris had the car keys, and Scott had no reason to run away. If he didn’t come back in, he’d be waiting for Chris by the car after the game.
Turning back, I saw total devastation on Adam’s face. He had been crushed by Scott’s reaction. I could tell he expected Break, his best friend, to take it with little trouble. Finding an unlikely parallel with my current problems with Liz, I felt a wave of kinship with Adam. Both of us had been shocked by the negative response of a close friend to unexpected news. It was only the uncertainty and, to be honest, fear, of how he would react that prevented me from approaching him to offer some sympathy.
A sudden thought made me turn to Chris. He was still standing, looking back sadly at where Scott had disappeared.
My eyes narrowed with suspicion as I attracted his attention. “Er… Chris? You seem to have taken the news remarkably well.”
Looking at me with a wry smile, he responded, “Been there before. I had a good mate recently tell me that he’s gay. It was a shock at the time, but I’m over it now, and we’re still great friends. I think Scott took it harder because of the surprise. After all, it’s not the sort of thing you expect to hear in the middle of a basketball stadium, just before a game.”
Reflecting on what Chris had told me, and on my insight into what Adam was probably feeling, I sat down and tried to sort what it all meant, but my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the siren signalling the end of the first game. On the other side of the court, I saw Aiden nodding to something his father said, before he headed over to collect his uniform from my dad. From the way Aiden was trying to keep away from where Adam was standing, I’m sure Mr. Trent had given his son strict instructions on what he could do.
As we started to warm up, it was quickly apparent that our thoughts were not on the game. Scott was missing, Adam was still in shock, and I wasn’t feeling much better. I knew I was going to have to play. We just didn’t have enough players left to allow me to sit out.
Looking around, I saw the usual group of spectators. Apart from a handful of friends, the only ones here to watch were the parents or siblings who had driven the players to the game. If we ever reached A grade that would change but for now we played mainly for ourselves.
It wasn't long before the referees called us out to start. After quickly looking at Adam and me, Dad made Giant, Aidy, Gazza, B1 and B2 the starting five. He didn’t have much choice in the matter. Unfortunately, it was a starting combination we had never used.
I found that paying attention to the game caused my other concerns to fade into the background. As I watched our team struggle during the first few minutes, I slowly came down from the emotional rollercoaster I had been riding. Randy and Michael were having their usual tough battle under the basket, which Randy was winning more often than not. However, not having Scott to pass the ball to reduced the number of opportunities he had to capitalise on the possessions he gained.
After ten minutes, it was clear that we were in trouble. Already eight points down, we were struggling to find any consistency. Gazza was beginning to lose his temper and had already had two fouls called against him.
Dad looked at Adam and me. “Do you two feel up to taking the court?”
With a quick nod, I answered, “I think so. Just take me off again if I can’t keep up. I’m pretty worn out at the moment.”
Adam just nodded. He looked better, but he certainly wasn’t the ball of energy that he usually is at our games.
“Okay,” Dad continued, “I want you two to take Aiden and Gary off. Tell the others that we’re going to switch to a two and three man/zone defense. Brett will guard Tran and Brian will guard Leo. You two and Randy just block up the key and don’t let them in.”
I looked up in surprise. Having two players play man-on-man while the other three played zone was hard on the two. Without Scott to give them a breather, they were going to be exhausted. Dad smiled back at me. “Go on. Trust me.”
Shrugging, I turned back to the game and waited for the next chance to call for a player substitute. It came soon enough, as Gazza committed his third personal foul.
As Adam and I were waved onto the court by the referee, I called out for Aiden and Gazza to take a rest on the bench.
“What’s the fucking faggot doing on the court? I thought this was the boys’ competition, not the girls’,” Mr. Trent yelled out as we moved into position.
There was a stunned silence through the stadium. Adam and I faltered and looked at each other before glancing at Aiden’s dad.
“Hey, ref! Make sure you watch the poof’s hands. We don’t want him trying to feel up the other players.”
“Ignore him,” I whispered to Adam. “There’s nothing we can do about it, so just tune him out.”
“Easy to say, not so easy to do,” he whispered back, obviously shaken. “Thanks anyway, David.”
As we joined our teammates on the court, Brett and Brian were holding Randy back. If fury by itself could have silenced Aiden’s dad, Randy’s would have done it.
Glancing around, I saw mainly looks of indifference or curiosity on the faces of the opposition players, and most of the spectators. Apart from Mr. Trent’s, there didn’t seem to be any openly hostile reactions. I hoped Adam would have to endure abuse from only one person.
We were just getting ready to start playing again when Paul from the Steels Creek team strolled up to Adam and me.
“Just curious, but which one of you is supposed to be the homo?”
I was stunned. I hadn’t realised that people could have interpreted the comments as applying to me! It was only then that I became aware that Mr. Trent had used no name. As both Adam and I had entered the court at the same time, he could have been talking about either of us.
Paul had asked his question so casually that I didn’t feel offended. I even appreciated that he was giving us the option to deny it completely.
Before I could respond, Adam spoke up belligerently. “I am. Do you have a problem with that?”
Raising his hands as if to fend of any accusation, Paul replied, “Not me! Just wanted to find out what’s going on.” Giving a huge grin, he said, “Can we get back to the game now?”
Noticing that Adam grinned in return, I smiled. Things were working out better than expected for him. Maybe now we could start to concentrate on the game.
Quietly giving Brett and Brian Dad’s instructions, Adam and I joined Randy under the basket. My brother seemed to have calmed down a little, though the angry glint in his eye threatened trouble for anyone who ended up in his way on the court.
When play got underway again, my dad’s plan became obvious. With almost every team in the competition playing a simple 2-1-2 zone defense, most teams become rattled when they encounter something different.
Suddenly finding themselves pressured by B1 and B2 as soon as the ball came into play, they panicked and lost control of the ball. B2 grabbed it quickly, and sprinted down the court for an easy goal.
Jumping up from the bench, Dad yelled out, “Full court press.” This was the code to tell Adam and me to rush to the centre of the court to help B1 and B2 put more pressure on the other team as they tried to bring the ball back in from the end. Again, it worked a treat, with Adam picking off a loose ball and passing it off to B1 for another quick goal. In less than a minute we had gone from eight points down to only four points.
Repeating the full court press brought almost identical results, though with B2 getting the goal this time. We were on our way back into the match!
Obviously needing to re-group, the Steels Creek coach called a timeout. With huge grins, we all gathered around my dad. He was about to say something when he stared beyond us with a thoughtful look. Turning to follow his gaze, I saw Scott standing at the door, watching.
“David, could you please go over and tell Scott he’s welcome to join us if he wants to,” Dad said.
“Okay.” I ran over to where Scott stood.
“Hi, Break. We’d love to have you back in the team if you still want to play,” I said hopefully.
“Are you sure?”
I grinned. “Definitely. We need you, mate!”
Scott seemed hesitant, in spite of my enthusiasm. “Come on, Break, the timeout’s almost up!” I turned and ran back to the team, confident that Scott would follow.
As we came up, Adam turned to us with an uncertain grin, handing Break’s uniform to him. “Here you are, mate. Welcome back.” I was pleased to see Scott smile in reply.
Just then, the referees called us back to the game. I raised my eyes quickly at Dad and he answered my question. “We’re dropping back into normal zone defense. We don’t want to run more than we have to, yet.”
Nodding my acknowledgment, I ran back with the others.
Before we knew it, it was halftime. With Scott joining us and with Adam and me coming out of our funks, we were beginning to click as a team again. Four points down, we knew that the match was still going to be tough. Aiden’s dad had continued to snipe from the sidelines, but we were able to ignore him most of the time. I did notice that Adam took care to always ensure he was playing on the other side of the court, though.
I was disturbed to see one of the referees coming over to talk to Dad during the halftime break. Wondering what was going on, I jogged over.
“Excuse, me coach, can you please inform the parents of your team that no more abusive language will be tolerated? If it persists, we’ll have to stop the game until they leave the stadium.” Colin had refereed a lot of our matches, and I knew that he was more than willing to follow through on his threat. Only twenty, he was one of the most hard-nosed referees we had encountered. In his favour, though, was the fact that he cared about trying to do the best job he could. Some other referees would just stand around on the court doing a half-hearted effort, but Colin was always moving to try to get into position so he could always see the play clearly.
Dad looked worried. “I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t control what he says.”
“That’s all I can ask you to do, coach. Thanks for this.” With that, Colin returned back to the score bench.
Dad and I looked at each other with concern. We both knew that talking to Mr. Trent was going to be useless – potentially worse than useless! But if he were thrown out of the stadium, he’d take Aiden with him. What could we do?
Sighing, Dad spoke up, “I’ll speak to Margaret. Maybe she can keep her husband quiet.”
It sounded like as good a plan as any, but we didn’t get our hopes up that it would work.
We started the second half with Randy, Aiden, Scott, Gary and me on the court. The first five minutes were furious, with neither team gaining an advantage. We managed to get two quick goals when Randy gathered in rebounds on defense and then passed quickly to Scott on fast breaks. However, Tran quickly answered those goals with a couple of shots from behind the three-point line, leaving us six points down.
At the next chance, Dad took me off the court and put Adam on. I waited anxiously for Mr. Trent to make a comment but thankfully, for once, he was silent.
A couple of minutes later, Aiden and Adam combined to double-team Paul as he tried to drive to the basket. Aiden was knocked down trying to block Paul’s path, but luckily the referee called a charging foul on Paul.
As Adam reached down to help Aiden up, Mr. Trent jumped to his feet.
“Leave my son alone, you fucking pervert!” he yelled, red-faced.
As I looked on aghast, he ran onto the court straight at Adam, who had turned towards him, not understanding what was going on.
Pushing Adam to the floor, Aiden’s dad continued to scream, “You come fucking near my son again and I’ll rip your fucking balls off. You faggots don’t deserve to live.”
Randy, anger written on every line of his face, stepped up to Mr. Trent and pushed him away from where Adam was lying. “Keep away from him, arsehole!”
Rage pouring out of him, Aiden’s dad threw a fist at Randy’s face. As my brother collapsed backwards, I was shaken by the loud thud as his head hit the floor.
Racing onto the court, I was surprised to find Mr. O’Connor there before me. With one action, he grabbed Mr. Trent by the arm, spun him around, and threw him face down onto the ground. With his arm held securely held behind him, Mr. Trent struggled ineffectually to free himself.
“Let me go, you fucking bastard! Let me go, or I’ll fucking report you to the cops for assault!”
“Well then,” Mr. O’Conner replied in a dry Irish accent, “as a cop myself, I should warn you that I don’t think they’ll take you too seriously. I’m just a concerned citizen restraining someone who has assaulted two minors.” Glancing up, he added, “David, go check on your brother. I didn’t like that sound I heard when he landed.” Looking past me, he continued, “Kevin, ring the police. I’ll restrain him until they arrive.”
Moving to my brother, I found Brett and Brian already there. The expressions I saw on their faces still didn’t prepare me for the sight of my brother lying unconscious, blood pooling around his head.
As I went to grab him, I found a pair of arms restraining me. Preparing to flatten whoever was keeping me from my brother, I heard Colin’s soft voice through the jumble of rage, fear, and horror controlling my mind. “Easy, Stick. Don’t touch him until we’re sure he hasn’t hurt his neck.”
The fear of doing more damage drained me of all other emotion. Sinking to the ground, I watched as Colin gently checked Randy, being careful to not disturb him. Focussing on my brother, I was vaguely aware that Colin asked my dad to call an ambulance, just to be safe. He suspected a broken nose since that’s where all the blood was coming from, but he didn’t want him moved until either he regained consciousness or a paramedic arrived.
I heard Colin telling everyone that he was calling the game off, but I didn’t care. There was only one thing in my mind at that time – a fervent prayer that Randy would be all right.
As I waited outside the hospital, time passed me by without touching. People came and went, and all I could do was stand there and stare blankly into space.
A touch on my shoulder pulled me out of my musings. I turned and found Mum smiling softly.
“He’s going to be okay. He woke up for a few minutes while we were with him. The doctors suspect concussion, and want to keep him in overnight for observation. They will also treat his broken nose, but they said that it looks worse than it really is. Your dad is just filling in some paperwork and then we can all head home.”
The knot of fear that had been twisting my heart broke apart at Mum’s words. The surge of relief I felt flew up from my soul and shone through my face. I pulled Mum into a huge hug, physically passing on the thanks I felt for the good news.
And then I saw Adam standing behind her.
“You!” I screamed in anger as I pulled away from Mum.
Shaking my fist at him, I yelled, “This is all your bloody fault. You keep away from my brother! You come near him again and I’ll make sure it’s your turn in hospital!”
Adam's face went white as he stared at me in shock.
“David! You apologise right now!” Mum demanded angrily. “This is not Adam's fault.”
“Yes it is! If he hadn't shown up, Randy wouldn't have gotten in the way of that punch. My brother wouldn't be lying in hospital right now!”
I was startled by Dad's angry voice behind me.
“David. Go to the car. If I hear one more word from you, you'll find yourself grounded for so long you won't know what's hit you.”
“But...”
“One more word, David. Just one more word,” he interrupted.
Sullenly, I stalked off to the car, deciding that if he didn't want one more word, then that's the way it would be. No more talking.
I maintained a sullen silence throughout the trip home.
When we got home, I jumped out of the car as fast as I could and headed to the house. Unlocking the door, I switched on the lights and went straight to my room. I expected my dad or mum, or maybe even both, would want to see me about my outburst at the hospital, but they would have to come to me. I wasn't going to go to them.
Lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I heard someone playing back messages on the answering machine. One of the messages sounded like it was from Liz, but I didn't care. Liz had berated me for being concerned for Randy, and events had shown that I was right. Randy had been hurt, and hurt badly, trying to defend Adam. It was now up to Liz to come back to me.
“David, Liz called. She heard about Randy and wants you to call her,” Mum said from the doorway to my room.
After a moment of reflection, I stood up and went toward the door. Mum didn't move as she looked at me with concern, but as I waited sullenly, she stepped aside. She continued to watch me as I picked up the phone and carried it back to my room. Pointedly closing the door to exclude her, I sat down on the bed to call Liz.
She answered after only one ring, “Liz Richardson.”
Still angry at the way she had treated me, I spoke flatly, “Liz, its Stick.”
Liz was frantic. “Stick, Fee told me about Giant. She said that Aiden's dad decked him, and he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, blood everywhere. Aiden's dad was arrested and dragged off in a cop car. What happened?”
“Randy got between Mr. Trent and Ads. He's got a broken nose and probably concussion. They're keeping him in hospital overnight. He should be okay to come home tomorrow.”
“Thank heaven for that. Do you think he'll mind if I drop around tomorrow to see him? Can you let me know if they keep him in for another day?”
“Sure, Liz. I think he'll like that.” Pausing for a second, I added, “So you realise that you were wrong this morning?”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you that I was worried that Randy was going to get hurt because of Adam, and I was right. I've told Ads that I don't want him anywhere near my brother.”
“This isn't Adam's fault. It's Aiden's dad that went off his tree!”
“If it wasn't for Adam, he wouldn’t have had a reason to go off his tree and Randy wouldn't have gotten between them. It's all Adam's fault,” I yelled down the phone. “Admit it!” I demanded.
“Stick, calm down. You've frantic. We can talk about it when I come over tomorrow.”
“Fine!” I said through clenched teeth. “I'll expect to hear your agreement then, after you've had a chance to think about it. If you're not ready to agree, don't bother coming over.”
“Stick...” I heard faintly as I hung up the phone. If Liz wasn't ready to admit that Adam was putting Randy at risk, then I wasn't ready to talk to her.
The phone rang. Hesitating for a moment, I wondered if Liz was ringing back to apologise.
“David Johnson.”
“Stick, please don't hang up,” Liz responded.
“Is it Adam's fault?” I demanded.
“Stick, just calm down,” she began to plead. I hung up. I wasn't interested in a discussion.
The phone rang again but I didn’t answer it. As I was putting the phone back into its cradle in the hallway, the answering machine took the call. Not bothering to listen to who it was, I returned to my room. I didn't want to talk to anyone.
I shut my eyes and leant against the closed door. It wasn't late, but I felt exhausted. I started to strip off for a shower before going to bed.
“David, Liz is on the phone!” Mum called out.
If I didn't do something, I knew she'd keep calling me. Heading out of the room in only my basketball shorts, I walked down to where Mum was holding the phone.
“Here he is, Liz,” she said, before handing me the phone.
Silently, I took the phone, hit the button to hang up, and then gave the phone back to my mum. Not waiting to see her reaction, I went back to my room to get ready for my shower, hoping both of them would take the hint.
My shower was uninterrupted, so apparently the hint worked.
As I settled down to go to sleep, someone knocked on my door. Knowing there was no one in the house that I wanted to talk to, I ignored it.
“David,” my dad called. “I think we need to talk. Can I come in, please?”
Disgruntled, I got up. I contemplated just ignoring him, but I wasn't sure that would work. Opting for a frontal assault, I opened the door.
I stood there defiantly blocking the entrance, dressed only in boxer shorts
“Are you going to invite me in?” he asked, when I didn’t move aside.
Shaking my head, I crossed my arms and waited.
“Fine,” he said. “Before she headed back to the hospital with some stuff for Randy, your mum told me that you had hung up on Liz. Have you two had a fight? Is that what's upsetting you?” he asked gently.
I shrugged. I didn't think it was any of his business, especially not at that moment.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Okay,” he sighed. “We'll talk in the morning when you've had a chance to calm down and think things over. I'll let you go to sleep.”
As I lay down, my last vision before sleep took over was of Randy’s blood-covered face. I silently promised myself that I wouldn’t let that happen again.
The next morning I awoke feeling greatly refreshed. Glancing at the clock, I noticed that it was still early. As I lay in bed, having no reason to get up, I tried to sort out what is going on in my life.
First, I thought about the issue of my brother and me. We had been fighting for the last day, and I didn’t know how his stay in hospital was going to impact on that. Would it drive some common sense into him? I decided to remind him that on Friday night he had claimed that he’d be able to handle any physical abuse that came his way. Obviously he can’t, and I need to make sure he learns that lesson now, so it won’t have to be repeated later on.
I decided that the problem I need to solve, though, is his relationship with Adam. I’ve already told Ads that I want him to stay away from Randy, but how do I keep Randy away from Ads? I realised that the approach I need to take is to point out that at school Adam and I share a lot of classes, so I'm in a better position to watch out for him than Randy is. I expected that Mum would keep Randy restricted to the house for the day, so all I needed to do was to get Adam out of the house. Perhaps a trip across to see B1 and B2 would do the trick?
I felt sure Randy would bring up the issue of my attitude toward Adam. How would I handle that question? Maybe the best approach would be honesty. Yes, I have a problem with Adam, but that’s not as important as protecting my brother. If I have to take on a role of protecting Adam to prevent Randy from getting hurt any further, then so be it.
Was there anything else I needed to consider about Randy and Ads? Thinking for a while, I couldn’t come up with anything more. I knew that more things would probably come up, so I decided I would have to play it by ear. My guide would simply be that I would do whatever it took to keep my brother safe.
Next, my parents… or Liz? Shying away from the situation with Liz, I thought about my parents. Resentment surged through me at their attitude. Couldn’t they see that Adam was the cause of the harm to Randy? How could they be so protective of him? Yes, he needs somewhere to stay, and I can reluctantly accept that we can provide that for him, but does that mean he takes precedence over their son?
Dad said last night that they would talk to me this morning. I was not looking forward to that talk. I probably couldn’t maintain my silence, but I could try to keep myself to one-word answers. As far as I was concerned, they were not doing their job. They were supposed to protect Randy, and they were failing miserably at that. They couldn’t see that Randy was at risk of falling for Adam, and they were doing nothing to stop it.
Was there anything more I could do? Reluctantly, I had to admit that I didn’t think there was. As parents, most of the cards are still in their hands. All I could do was to try to keep Adam and Randy separated as much as possible.
Knowing it was going to be painful, I let my thoughts drift to the situation with Liz. Why did she have to come down on Adam’s side? Hadn’t I made it clear enough to her that these new problems are all his fault? I cringed when I recalled that I effectively told her that if she didn’t agree with me, then I didn’t want to see her. Was this really something I wanted?
Could I give up on my resentment and distaste for Adam, for Liz’s sake? If it weren’t for Randy, I would probably try, but I need to be responsible for him as well. I don’t want to have to choose between protecting Randy and staying with Liz. I suspect the conflict would be too much for me. I love Liz, and in a different but equal way, I love my brother. I don’t want to have to choose between them!
I decided that I needed to clear the air with Adam. Getting up and putting on a tracksuit, I moved quietly to the door. Opening the door a notch, I listened. I could hear noises from the direction of the kitchen, so at least one of my parents was up, and probably both. Careful to avoid any noise, I moved the other way to Randy’s room. Finding the door ajar, I looked inside and found Adam asleep in Randy’s bed.
Slipping inside, I shut the door and stood, watching Ads. His face was calm, but the telltale streaks on his face revealed that he had been crying during the night. Despite all that he had put me through, I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. He’s disrupting my life, and I’m struggling to cope with the changes, but what he’s been through so far is worse, far worse. It’s his misfortune that he has come between Randy, Liz and me. If it weren’t for that, I might be able to accept him. I still might, in the future, but at the moment he is the cause of my problems, and until they’re resolved, I can’t put my resentment aside.
Nerving myself, I slowly walked over and sat down on the side of the bed. Reaching out, I gently shook Adam’s shoulder.
“Ads, wake up. We need to talk,” I whispered.
“No, Dad! Please, not that! I’ll be good, I promise,” Adam murmured.
“Ads, wake up. It’s Stick. We need to talk.”
With a start, Adam’s eyes opened. For a moment, he didn’t appear to see me, but then his eyes focused. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he struggled up into a sitting position in the bed.
“David, what are you doing here?” he asked groggily.
“We need to talk about what happened to Giant, Ads. I don’t want that to happen again. Can we work together to make sure it doesn’t?” I pleaded. “Please?”
“Give me a sec?” he asked, still trying to wake up.
I silently watched as he rubbed his eyes and struggled to put himself into gear. Eventually glancing at the clock, he turned to me accusingly. “It’s only just after eight!”
“I know, but this can’t wait,” I replied.
“Okay. Start talking,” he grudgingly said.
“Randy was badly hurt last night. He was hurt because he was trying to defend you. I will do anything it takes to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Can we agree on that?”
“I don’t want anyone hurt, anymore that you do, but I don’t have any control over who’s going to take a swing at me!” Adam responded, starting to get heated.
“I know, but can we make sure that Randy doesn’t get caught it the crossfire again? He’s only fourteen, for God’s sake!”
Adam stared at me for a long moment. “And I’m only fifteen,” he finally answered, softly. His face reflected a pain that no teenager should have to bear.
My train of thought stopped dead. I had forgotten that even though we’re both in the same year at school, Adam is a year younger than me. He really does need help to cope with what he’s going through.
“Sorry, Ads, I keep forgetting that,” I mumbled an apology, looking down at the bed.
“I’m not as big as Randy, but since you and I share a lot of classes, I’ll promise to look out for you at school. If it’ll keep Randy from getting hurt again.”
In the silence that followed, I looked up to find Adam looking blankly across the room.
“So, you won’t do it as my friend. Only to protect Randy,” was Adam’s emotionless reply.
“I’m sorry, Ads, but I don’t understand you anymore. We might be friends again in the future, but now I’m just too confused.”
Turning back to me angrily, Adam spat out his reply. “You’re confused! What is there to be confused about? I’m still the same person you’ve known for years now. I haven’t changed. I’m just the poor guy who’s having his life ripped apart, and if that makes you so uncomfortable that you can’t stand me, then I don’t think you were ever my friend. I don’t even think you know what being a friend means!”
I moved back away from Adam, startled by the vehemence of his response. Too stunned to answer, I waited, as Adam continued.
“You’re concerned about Randy being hurt again, but what about me? Randy was only – what do the military call it? Oh, yeah – collateral damage! I was the target, and I’m going to continue to be the target. I don’t want Giant or anyone else to get hurt, but I know I need help. If Randy offers again, I’ll take any help I can get. He just might be enough to ensure that I don’t GET KILLED!” he finished, screaming.
“Please, calm down,” I interjected, frantically. “I’m offering to help. I’ll help in any way you want. Just please keep Randy out of it. Ads?”
“Don’t call me that again,” Adam growled at me. “Only my friends call me Ads. You’re no longer a friend, David, and that’s by your choice, not mine. Now get out of here. I don’t want to talk to you any more.”
“Ads…” I started to plead, but was quickly interrupted.
“My name is Adam, not Ads. Now get out!” he yelled.
As I stood up, the door opened and my dad looked in. Taking in the scene quickly, he motioned to me. “Come on, David. Let’s go.”
With a last pleading glance at Adam, which was met with a look of fury, I turned and followed my dad out of the room.
Dejected, I stopped outside of the room and looked down at the floor. What was I going to do now?
“David?”
As I looked up at Dad, he continued with a note of anger, “What the hell was that about?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but then recalled my decision not to talk to them. Closing my mouth with a snap, I shrugged.
Dad just stared at me. Glaring sullenly back, I stood my ground. I was not going to be the first to back off. Finally, Dad sighed and turned away.
“Your mum and I will expect to see you in the kitchen shortly. Don’t make me come back and get you,” he said, as he walked slowly back down the corridor.
I knew that putting things off wasn’t going to help, so I followed him.
Mum was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee as we entered the kitchen. Looking up concerned, she asked, “What was the yelling about?”
“David was in talking to Adam. He won’t say what it was about, but whatever it was clearly upset Adam,” Dad answered.
Turning to me, he pointed at one of the chairs. “Sit,” he commanded.
Seeing no point in fighting about unimportant things, I sat.
“Do you want a coffee or tea before we start?” Dad asked me. I was surprised at the polite tone. I had expected to be lectured. After a moment’s thought, I shook my head.
“Okay,” he sighed, before continuing. “You're obviously having troubles handling Adam’s being here. You're also apparently having some sort of fight with Liz. I’m guessing that the two things are related. Am I right?”
I looked at him, surprised that they had worked that out. Narrowing my eyes, I remembered that Liz had been speaking to Mum when she rang last night. I wondered what they had talked about.
“Am I right?” Dad repeated.
I nodded slowly.
Mum leant forward and looked at me. “David, if you have problems, we’re here for you to talk to. We don’t want this to cause you any trouble, but we can’t help if you don’t talk to us. Can you please tell us what is bothering you?”
Shaking my head, I looked down at the table. I knew that they wouldn’t kick Adam out, or forbid him from seeing Randy. If they wouldn’t do those things, I couldn’t see what they could do to help.
“David, this isn’t helping. I think you believe that Adam’s causing trouble. Can’t you understand that he’s not?” Dad pleaded.
“Then why is my brother in hospital?” I blurted out angrily, as I looked up at him. Realising what I had done, I slammed my mouth shut and stared back down at the table.
“Honey, Adam didn’t put Randy in hospital. That was Mr. Trent’s fault. You can’t blame Adam for that,” Mum said soothingly.
Yeah, sure. And Aiden’s dad had just waltzed onto the court because he wanted to deck someone for no reason. What sort of idiot do they think I am? I know all about cause and effect. Adam is the cause and my brother in hospital is the effect. It’s that simple.
“Adam is going to have it really tough over the next few months, if not years,” Dad stated. “There are a lot of people who just can't tolerate homosexuals. Most won't take it further than words, but a few, like Aiden's dad, will resort to physical violence. This is something that Adam is going to have to face for probably the rest of his life. Until he's capable of defending himself, he's in danger. We're going to try to speak to the school principal tomorrow, but the teachers can't be everywhere. Adam needs friends who can help head off trouble. What you need to be clear about is that Adam is not the cause of the trouble. He's only the target. The cause is the narrow-minded intolerance of those who can't see that he’s as much a person as anyone else.”
“That's what I was trying to tell you a few minutes ago, David,” I heard Adam say. Looking back to the entrance to the kitchen, I saw him leaning against the doorway. The way he was slumped showed clearly the exhaustion that he still suffered. It was easy to see that he hadn't been sleeping well.
As I started to digest all that had been said, we were startled by a knock at the back door. As he was already facing in that direction, Adam was the first to react, with a huge smile appearing on his face.
“Kelly!” he called.
Staying at the table, I watched Adam rush to the door to let his sister in. Wrapping both arms around her brother, Kelly's hug of welcome echoed the relief displayed on her face.
“Adam, I'm so glad to find you. I spent most of yesterday trying to track you down!”
Mum quietly interrupted the reunion. “Kelly? Please take a seat. Would you like a cup of tea or coffee, or maybe some toast?”
As she sat, Adam pulled out the chair next to her, and started asking questions.
“How's Mum? What's Dad doing? How did you find me? Are you okay?”
Laughing, Kelly interrupted, “Slow down, Adam! Why don't you give me a chance to answer some of your questions?”
The smiles and laughter dropped away as she started to answer Adam’s questions. As she did, she never let her eyes leave his face.
“Mum is not doing well at all. I saw her for the first time in ages on Friday night, and she looked dreadful. I think she's working too hard, and she’s heading towards a breakdown. Did you know that she's taken a second job? I've been avoiding home because of Dad, who I think is getting worse, if possible.” She looked down at the table, embarrassed. “I'm sorry, Adam. It was only on Friday that I found out that you were no longer at home. If I'd known that he was getting so bad that you had to run away, I would have done something to help.”
I was puzzled by the fear that Adam suddenly showed, until I realised what Kelly had just said. She thought he had run away. That meant she didn't know the real story.
“Kelly,” he started hesitantly, “I didn't run away. I was kicked out.”
“Kicked out? Has he gotten that bad?”
Watching closely, I saw both Mum and Dad give Adam encouraging smiles before he turned back to Kelly.
“He kicked me out because he'd found out that I'm gay.”
Kelly's face went blank for a second before she broke into tears. “Oh, Adam!” she cried, as she reached over and grabbed him in a hug. Still holding him, she said, “That would have sent him off the deep end. I'm so sorry. I just didn't know.”
As the two comforted each other, Dad caught my eye. Rising to his feet, he signalled to me that it was time to leave Adam and Kelly alone. Nodding my agreement, I quietly headed back to my room.
It had happened again. Just when I had thought I was getting a handle on what was going on, my thoughts and ideas were turned upside down. Dad was trying to tell me that Adam is only a victim. He isn’t the cause of the problems. That he’s probably going to be a target for abuse for most of his life. Is this really true?
I shook my head. It was getting too complicated for me. I needed to think about this more, but my mind was beginning to feel like mush. I still resented that Adam had put Randy in a position to get hurt, and that was something concrete I could hold onto. The rest would take time for me to sort out.
Lying down, I tried to work out what was really going on. My mind, however, was not co-operating. Too much had happened since Friday night. Eventually I gave up and decided I needed to think about something else for a change.
Sitting up, I thought for a moment and then smiled wickedly. I knew the perfect thing to deaden my mind. Pulling out Of Mice and Men, the book assigned by our English teacher, I began to read.
Sometime later, I was disturbed by a knock on my door.
“David?” I heard my mum call. “I'm about to head off to the hospital. Do you want to come too?”
“Sure,” I called out, as I dropped the book back into my bag. It was only when I was reaching out to open the door that I realised that once again I had forgotten that I wasn't speaking to my parents. Hesitating, I realised that the core of anger that had started the passive rebellion was gone – replaced with a well of confusion that was still disturbing my thoughts. Shrugging philosophically, I decided to see how things played out. If my parents were still going to be obnoxious, I could always go back to being silent.
As I headed down the hallway, I saw Adam and Kelly talking quietly in the living room. I wondered what spin that was going to put on the already confusing state of events. However, going to see Randy was more important to me at the moment. I had some things I needed to say to him, and the hospital would be a good place to do that.
Mum was really great on the trip to the hospital. Rather than talking about any of the issues of the day, she kept the conversation, or more precisely, monologue, to trivia and minor items. She gave me a detailed update on her preparations for a horse competition the following weekend, with interjections addressed at the callers to the talk back radio station she had on. Letting most of it wash over me gave me a feeling of normality that had been missing all weekend.
It was only as we pulled into the hospital car park that she finally raised the issue of the day.
“David, Randy might still be a bit groggy. Upsetting him isn't going to help his recovery. Can you please wait until later if you want to argue with him?”
Watching Mum as she backed the Land Cruiser into an empty spot, I weighed up her concerns against my need to have a heart-to-heart with Randy. Waiting until the car was parked and we were getting out, I decided to ask Mum for her advice.
“Mum, there are some things I need to talk to Randy about. Things to clear the air between us. But if I say them wrong he might get upset. That's what happened this morning with Adam. I was trying to offer my help, but it didn't come out right and he got upset.”
Mum paused after she locked the car. After looking at the hospital for a moment, she turned back to me. “We can take a few minutes before we go in, if you like. Would you like to sit down and tell me what you want to talk to Randy about?”
As I nodded my agreement, we headed to a raised garden bed at the side of the hospital. Sitting on the side, Mum waited patiently for me to speak.
Looking across the car park, I wondered where to start.
“On Friday night I told Randy that he could be physically attacked at school if he defended Adam too vigorously. He said that he was able to cope with anything that happened. Obviously, he can't. Aiden's dad proved that. I need to make sure he understands, as I couldn't handle him getting hurt again because of Adam.”
I turned my head to see my mum's reaction. She was leaning forward, resting her chin in her hands, with her elbows on her knees. I could see that she was contemplating what I had said.
When she didn't say anything, I continued. “I think he's getting too protective of Adam. He needs to back off a bit so he doesn't get too involved. I just don't want him getting hurt.”
Mum sat back up and smiled at me. “Getting too involved is something he learnt from you, David.”
“Huh?”
“How many sick animals have you brought home over the years? And how upset did you get when some of them had to be put down?” she gently reminded me.
“That's different!” I exclaimed, indignantly. “So I like animals and don’t like to see them in pain. What's that to do with Adam?”
“That's just one example of how much of a protector role you can take. You do it all the time. In fact, you're doing it now. You're trying to be Randy's protector against Adam, aren't you?”
Turning away, I looked down at the ground. I know I'm trying to protect Randy, but that's what brothers are supposed to do – protect each other. In a flash of insight, I recalled Randy's comment about brothers, from yesterday morning. He had called Adam his new brother. So what he’s doing is the same as me. The difference is that I don’t think of Adam as being my brother, so he isn’t the one I’m trying to protect.
Standing up, I looked back down at my mum. “Thanks, Mum. That's made things a lot clearer. I'll try to be careful about what I say. Can we go in and see him now?”
As we started to walk off, I put my arm around her shoulder – something I hadn't done for a long time. When she glanced up at me surprised, I smiled back my appreciation at her. We walked into the hospital.
Since we’re family, and Randy’s a minor, normal visiting hour restrictions didn't apply to us. We wandered down to the adolescent health unit, where we were stopped by one of the nurses on duty.
“Can I help you?” she asked politely.
“We're here to see Randy Johnson. He was admitted last night. He's in that room over there,” Mum replied, pointing.
The nurse smiled, “He's been moved. He's in room sixteen now.”
“Thanks!”
Room sixteen turned out to be a shared room. Another teenage boy occupied the other bed. The casts on his arm and leg showed clearly the reason he was in hospital.
As we entered, Randy looked up from the book he was reading. Excited, he put the book on the bedside table, and waved us over.
“Mum, Stick! How's things?”
“We're fine. Adam's sister, Kelly, showed up this morning. They were still talking when we left to come here,” Mum said, as she sat down in the chair next to Randy's bed.
As Randy turned to me, I examined him carefully. The bandage on his nose couldn't conceal the swelling, and his two black eyes gave him an almost surreal appearance. The delight that shone out of those eyes gave me hope that we could set our differences aside.
“Hi, Randy,” I said quietly, giving him a small, wry smile.
“Hi, Stick,” he echoed quietly. “I'm sorry.”
“You're sorry?” I was perplexed. “What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the one who's been a prick.”
“You told me that I'd get hurt, and you were right. I thought I'd be able to handle things, and the first person who tried something knocked me out.”
I had been stressing about this conversation, and now Randy goes and says it first. Feeling relieved, I sat on the edge of the bed.
“So, has the doctor told you when you're getting out of prison?” I asked him.
“The nurse said she'll be around sometime this morning. Hopefully that will be soon. Until then, I've got to stay here. There's a PlayStation in the games room around the corner, but I'm scared that if I go in there to play, I'll miss the doctor.”
The three of us spent almost an hour chatting about uncontroversial issues. I don't know if Mum and Randy were doing the same, but I made a careful effort to avoid talking about Adam, Liz, and the issues around them, except in passing. I didn't want to disrupt the renewed friendship with my brother, as I suspected that it was still fragile, and saying the wrong thing would bring back the rift between us.
Mum was allowed to stay while the doctor examined Randy, but I was asked to step outside. I paced up and down the corridor, wondering what I should do about Liz. Had I been too harsh in requiring her to admit that I had been right? I don’t like fighting with Liz, but she needs to understand how much my family means to me.
I still hadn't made any decisions when the doctor left Randy's room, but I rushed back inside. I instantly knew from Randy's triumphant smile that he was going home.
“Come on, let's get going,” I said excitedly.
“Slow down, David,” Mum laughed. “I have some paperwork to sort out first. Why don't you and Randy go find that PlayStation and I'll come and get you when it's all organised?”
“Can I make a phone call first?” I asked.
“Of course. Will you ring home and let your dad know as well? Tell him we should be leaving here in about thirty minutes,” Mum called out as she headed out of the room.
“Okay,” I said, as I moved over to the phone next to Randy's bed.
Randy looked at me quizzically. “Who are you going to call?”
“Liz,” I answered, and then stopped. Because I had hung up on her the night before, maybe she wouldn’t want to talk to me. Turning back to Randy, I added, “She heard from Fee last night that you had been taken away in an ambulance. She rang and asked about you. Maybe you can talk to her and tell her firsthand?”
Hesitating for a moment, he reached out for the phone. “Okay, Stick. I take it you and Liz are still fighting?” he asked quietly.
Damn him for being so perceptive. He's not usually that quick on the uptake. “Yeah,” I answered despondently. Sitting on the side of the bed, I waited for him to ring her, but he just stared sadly at me. “What are you waiting for?” I eventually asked.
“You'll either have to give me the phone number or dial it for me. I don't have her number memorised,” he reminded me gently.
Embarrassed, I dialed the number, and then left the room. I didn't want to hear what they discussed, just in case it included me.
I nervously waited for ten minutes before Randy came out. I watched him closely for any clues on what Liz had said. At first, he was looking down at the floor, but after a minute of silence, he looked up at me.
“David, you're a prick,” he stated flatly.
Cringing inside, I turned away. I was afraid that whatever Liz had told him had broken open the rift between Randy and me, and that anything I said would probably just make it worse.
From behind me, I heard Randy moving away. Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw him enter what must have been the games room he'd mentioned earlier. Deciding that we were probably better apart, I walked back into Randy's room. Noticing his gear scattered around the bed, I started to pack everything up. Unfortunately, that didn't take as long as I would have liked. Rather than go somewhere else, I slumped down in the visitor's chair and waited.
“David? What are you doing in here?” Mum asked, when she finally re-appeared.
I looked up to answer, but nothing came out. Finally, I just shook my head and slumped back down again.
She looked at me, perplexed. “Thanks for packing everything up, anyway. It's time we got moving. Where's Randy?”
“He should be in the games room.” I stood and picked up Randy's bag. “How about I meet you at the car?”
“Okay, David,” Mum replied hesitantly.
As I walked slowly to the car, I tried to work out, yet again, how everything had gone so wrong, so quickly. Everyone keeps telling me that it's not Adam's fault, but I can't help getting back to the fact that if he weren’t gay, it all wouldn't have happened. How can one small word – gay – have such a huge impact?
My mind was in turmoil as I waited for Mum and Randy.
I was silent during the trip home. Randy and Mum chatted away the whole time, but after I spurned Mum’s initial attempts to involve me, they just ignored me. I knew I was being childish, but the fear of what else might happen was crippling me. It seemed that all weekend I had been trying to think things through, but I was still confused. Maybe retreating for a while would give me breathing space to sort it all out.
When we got home, however, I started to panic. Trevor’s car was parked in the driveway, which almost certainly meant that Liz was also there. I just wasn’t ready to face her.
“Mum, I’m going down to the dam for a while. I’ll be back later,” I said, as we all got out of the car.
“It’s almost lunchtime. Why don’t you go after having something to eat?”
Glancing at Trevor’s car and feeling my stomach churn, I answered, “I’m not hungry. I might get something to eat when I come back.”
Before I could get away, though, Mum stopped me. “David, when was your last decent meal?”
My stomach shifted into growling mode, as I realised yesterday’s breakfast was my last big meal. Knowing that my body had given me away, I slowly turned back and walked towards the house. Dreading an encounter with Liz, I didn’t expect to be able to eat lunch, but Mum wasn’t going to let me get away without trying to feed me.
Letting Mum and Randy enter before me, I waited at the door.
“Liz!” I heard Mum say. “It’s good to see you. Hello, Trevor. How have you been?”
“I’ve been fine, Mrs. Castle, but Randy looks like he’s been in the wars.” I waited anxiously for Liz to say something, but I heard nothing. Letting my curiosity overcome my fear, I walked into the house.
The scene I found when I entered the kitchen wasn’t quite what I had expected. Liz had her face buried in Randy’s shoulder, as he gave her a welcoming hug. Adam, Brett and Brian were sitting at the kitchen table with shocked stares as they looked at the damage to Randy’s face. Trevor and Mum were standing near the sink. Both looked concerned, but it seemed that Trevor was staring at Liz, not Randy.
Trevor was the first to notice me. The switch from concern to anger was quick. If he was angry with me, then I knew things were not well with Liz. Resigning myself to the worst, I ran down the hallway.
“David!” I heard Mum cry, but I didn’t stop. Slamming the door shut after I raced into my room, I threw myself face down on my bed. I didn’t know what to do or what to think. When I heard a tentative knock at the door, I looked up.
“Stick? Can we talk, please?” Liz asked.
Sitting up on the edge of the bed, I stared at the door. Was this going to be the end of our relationship?
“Stick?” Liz pleaded, as she knocked again.
Getting up was hard. My arms and legs felt like lead as I carried a sense of dread to the door. Opening it, I saw Liz with her arm raised, ready to knock again.
“Come in, Liz,” I said glumly.
Glancing around as she entered, Liz moved over and sat on the side of the bed. Not wanting to risk upsetting her, I chose to use the chair at the desk. Sitting on it backwards, with my arms folded on the top of the chair and my chin resting on my arms, I sadly looked at my girlfriend. Possibly my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.
“What do you want to say to me, Liz?” I asked quietly.
Looking worried and puzzled, she slowly asked, “Stick, what’s happening between us?”
I felt like looking away, but I wanted to grab as many memories of her face as I could. I might not get many more chances.
“We’re fighting,” I said sadly. I didn’t want to be the first to mention the possibility that we might break up.
She waited until she realised that I wasn’t going to say anything more. I had put my foot in my mouth so often recently that I didn’t want to do it again, if I could help it.
“Is that all?” she asked.
Was she trying to get me to say it?
“I’ve done most of the talking recently,” I answered quietly. “I think it’s your turn to say what you think.”
She looked down at the floor as the silence grew. Just as I was reaching my breaking point and was going to say something, she started softly speaking.
“We’ve had some great times, Stick. New Years Eve at the Sorrento back beach was especially great.”
I remembered that night well. It had been a beautiful summer evening on the beach with Liz’s family, celebrating the end of the old year. Liz and I had disappeared into the sand dunes a little before midnight, and we had spent an hour or so of quality private time together before returning to the party. A magical night that I will remember fondly for a long time.
“But now we’re growing up. Real life is crashing in on us. The situation with Adam is driving us apart.”
So she felt it too. My only question was whether or not she wanted to let it drive us apart. I waited, afraid of what she would say next.
“I don’t want it to, Stick”.
My heart leapt. Things were going to be okay again!
“But you need to sort yourself out first”, she continued. “You need to understand Adam and what he’s going through.” For the first time since she had started talking, she looked up at me, pleading, “Help him, Stick. I know you can do it, but you’re not trying. You have a picture in your head of what he is that just isn’t true. Until you fix that, I don’t think the two of us will be able to keep going.”
My heart sank. She was using Adam as an excuse to break up with me. Sighing, I stood up.
“Okay, Liz. If that’s what you want,” I said dejectedly. Turning to stare at my desk, and the picture of the two of us from last Christmas, I added with a whisper, “I think it’ll be best if you leave now. I’m sorry.”
“Stick?”
“Please, Liz. Just go,” I said, not turning around. I didn’t want to see her walk out. It seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a minute of two, before I heard my door close.
I was standing by my desk, lost in memories of better times, when I was startled by a touch on my arm. I had been so distracted that I hadn’t even heard the door open.
“David, it’s time for lunch,” Mum said.
Nodding, I followed her back to the kitchen where she had laid out lunch. Dad, Randy, Adam, Brett and Brian had already started. Mum believes that people should serve themselves, so there was a wide collection of salad ingredients and a basket of fresh bread rolls. Adam and the twins were busy building huge salad rolls, but Randy was merely snacking on small pieces of meat and cheese.
“Randy, what’s wrong?” Mum asked.
“It hurts if I open my mouth too wide, so I can’t eat a roll. I’ll just graze on bits and pieces.”
Adam paused in the feeding frenzy and stared at me. “Maybe we should break David’s nose, too. It might help him keep his mouth shut for a change,” he said, sarcastically.
Everyone’s attention was immediately focused on Adam. The twins, in particular, looked surprised and a little uncomfortable.
“Adam! That was uncalled for. Apologise immediately!” Mum demanded.
“I’ve heard you say that to David several times this weekend, and he never has. Why should I?” he yelled back.
“While you live in this house, you’ll obey our rules,” Dad replied sternly. “We’ve been giving both you and David a lot of slack this weekend, but you’ve overstepped the mark, young man. Either apologise, or go to your roo... er... go to the living room until you’ve calmed down.”
Adam stared at me for a moment, before looking back down at his plate. “Sorry, David,” he muttered, grudgingly.
I thought Adam might be right. If I had kept my mouth shut a few times, things might have turned out better. Slumping down onto a spare chair, I started putting together some lunch.
In spite of Dad’s scolding, Adam was still in the mood to pick on me. “Liz said that you’ve broken up with her. Is that true?”
Staring at the lunch I was trying to make, I wondered what to say. I noticed that everyone had gone silent. Looking up, I found myself the centre of attention. Adam had an evil smile, but the twins had mirror imaged looks of concern. Mum half raised a hand, as if to interrupt, but dropped it as I watched. Dad was looking concerned, but made no effort to interfere. The distortions from the swollen nose and black eyes made Randy’s face unreadable.
“I suppose you could say that,” I forced myself to answer calmly. My stomach was churning, but I wasn’t going to give Adam the satisfaction of knowing he’d stung me.
“So, has this been building up for a while, or did you just dump her out of the blue?”
Mum interrupted. “Adam, don’t bait David. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, leave him alone.”
“Its okay, Mum. I don’t mind answering.”
Turning to face Adam’s smirk, I replied flatly, “One. I didn’t dump her, she dumped me. Two. It was sudden. Three. You’ll be happy to know that it’s all because of you. Congratulations, I don’t think you could’ve ruined my life any better if you had tried.” I had the pleasure of watching the smirk disappear from Adam’s face. It was the only pleasurable thing I felt – the rest of me was in pain.
In the silence that followed, I stood up and grabbed the salad roll I’d made. “I think I’ll eat this in my room. Bye, everyone.”
As I turned to leave, I saw Adam drop his eyes to the table. Brett and Brian were exchanging looks in one of their silent conversations. Mum and Dad just looked stunned. Randy was the only other person to move, rising to his feet.
“David, wait,” he said. His broken nose gave his voice a strange sound.
Without stopping, I answered sullenly, “If you want to say something, I’ll be in my room.”
Entering my room, I left the door ajar. If anyone wanted to come to me to talk, then okay. If Adam came, I was prepared to bite his head off. How dare he say that I’d dumped Liz!
Pausing in my rage, it suddenly struck me what he’d said. Liz had told them that we’d broken up. Had she said anything else? Had she told them the reason?
As I sat down at the desk to eat my lunch, I mentally withdrew my offer of protection for Adam at school. He hadn’t accepted it anyway, and I hated his guts too much now to help him.
I had finished eating and was sitting staring at the pictures of Liz and me on my desk, when I heard a knock at my door. Turning around, I saw Brian standing there looking uneasy.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“Sure,” I sighed, standing up. Offering him my chair, I sat down on the bed.
He sat down on it backwards, in an eerie repeat of the pose I’d taken when Liz was here.
“Stick, Liz told us some of the things that are going on between you two. If you want to talk, even if it’s just to get it off your chest, you can come to Brett or me at any time. You know that, don’t you?”
“Did Liz tell you why we’re fighting?” I asked.
“Just that it has to do with the way you’re treating Adam. She didn’t say exactly what. To be honest, she was really telling her brother – we were just in the room at the same time. She was really upset.” His embarrassment at having heard it was obvious.
So Adam knew before he started picking on me. That just strengthened my resolve to not help him out at school. It also confirmed that I was right not to trust him. I was furious!
“What did Trev say?”
Brian grimaced. “He said he was going to rip your fucking balls off. Liz held him back and asked him to take her home instead.”
Turning to look out the window, I sighed. Would telling Brian the full story help? Probably not. I didn’t think he’d understand. After all, he and Brett seemed to have accepted Adam pretty easily.
Turning back to look at Brian, I asked, “How come you and B1 aren’t concerned about Adam being a poofter? The first thing I heard you ask him after he told you, was whether or not he had a boyfriend!”
Brian looked up at the ceiling as he thought about the question. Without looking back down, he started to respond.
“I’m not really sure. We’ve known Adam for a few years now, but it was certainly a surprise to find out he’s gay. I think the answer is partly that we don’t think we have anything to fear from him. We trust that he won’t try anything with us, and even if he did, we’re sure he’d stop if we told him to. If he had a boyfriend, in a funny sort of way, that would make it even safer.”
He shook his head as he dropped his gaze back to where I was sitting. “I’m not saying this very well. Basically, it’s because we still think he’s a decent human being. As far as we can see, his being gay isn’t going to make any difference. It’s like if he told us that he had always been a stamp collector. It’s just something that won’t impact on us.”
As I started to reflect on what he was saying, he continued, “Having said that, we’ve advised him to not tell our parents. They’re both strong Catholics and I’ve heard Dad go a bit rabid on the subject of homos. How it’s a sin, and so on. Brett and I don’t think it is, so that doesn’t bother us, but we’re sure our parents would go ballistic if they knew. They will probably find out soon, anyway, but we don't think Adam needs to tell them.”
He looked at me with a question in his eyes, “You’ve got a problem with Adam being gay, don’t you, Stick? Will it help if you talk over your concerns?”
I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t think so, Brian,” I said softly. “That’s what started my problems with Liz. I don’t want to go through that again, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, Stick. Just remember we’re not far away if you want to talk.”
Still staring blankly upwards, I replied, “Sure, Brian. Thanks for the chat. I think it’s helped.”
“That’s what mates are for, Stick. I’ll leave you alone now. Brett and I have to get home.”
As I heard Brian leaving, I started going over, yet again, what my problem is with Adam. My first reaction to the news hadn’t been good, and I’m still ashamed about that. My only defense is that it had been a big shock and I'd reacted without thinking. I’ve grown up with jokes about poofters, and about how you have to watch yourself around them. Then there are the occasional comments I’ve heard at school from a few students and teachers, about how it’s a sin. Add in examples such as the news report last week about some guy molesting a twelve-year-old boy. Even the occasional TV show with gays in it often implies that they’re all sex crazy. I haven’t had any real-life experience with a homosexual to teach me otherwise. So when Adam told me he’s gay, I freaked out.
I’m over that now, I think. His being gay still makes me want to throw up, but Adam’s not acting gay, and has never acted gay, so I can ignore that part of him if I want to. As several people have said to me, he’s still the same person I’ve known for years.
So what’s my concern? I know it has something to do with Randy. Am I afraid that Adam is going to molest him? Turn him gay? Part of me says yes, and part of me says no. There is something there that is bothering me, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m just being a bit too protective of my younger brother. But is Randy mature enough to know where to draw the line with Adam?
Eventually I decided that I wasn’t getting anywhere. Needing some fresh air, and feeling a bit guilty about the chores that had been neglected all weekend, I changed into some old clothes suitable for working in the paddocks.
Walking past the living room, I saw Dad, Randy and Adam talking. “Dad, I need some fresh air, so I’m going down to check the fences.”
“Okay, David. Take your time. There’s no rush to do anything today. We’re having a roast for dinner tonight, so bring back an appetite,” he said, grinning.
Waving a hand in acknowledgment, I headed off to the garage. Picking up the electric fence tester, I headed down to the paddocks. Mum was busy with her horse in the first paddock, so I skipped that one and headed further down.
Testing the electric fence is monotonous. Stick one end of the tester into the ground, and then touch the other end to the electric tape. The tester then shows if there's a current going through the fence. If there isn’t, backtrack until the break or short is found.
I’ve tried convincing Mum and Dad to switch over to using a wire, which requires less maintenance, but they prefer to use the tape. They claim it’s easier for the horses and other animals to see, and easier to replace when needed. It’s also more flexible. They often use it to make temporary paddocks or to block off part of a paddock if they don’t want the animals to get in there. Of course it has a tendency to stretch, and when that happens, the wires inside the tape break and it needs to be either replaced or repaired.
Most of the time it’s the wind that stretches the tape, but occasionally a kangaroo gets caught up in it and stretches it before it gets away. We don’t have a strong electric unit, so it doesn’t cause any permanent damage, but you can still get a big shock if you touch it.
Normally I hate testing the fence but there are times when the fresh air and quiet atmosphere can be soothing. Taking my time, I fixed a couple of places where the tape had caught on the fence and was shorting out. There were also two places where the wires in the tape had broken. Marking those, I made a mental note to go back later to fix them. As they were in paddocks that were not being used, there was no rush.
I still had two paddocks to go when I noticed the storm clouds coming in from the west. Glancing around, I noticed that Mum had already gone inside. Picking up the pace, I quickly tested the far corners of the paddocks. When there is a charge there, the odds are that the rest of the fence is okay. If there wasn’t any charge I would have to keep checking. As it turned out, the fates were with me. Quickly moving back to the garage, I put the fence tester away.
Checking the time, I noticed that I’d been out for almost two hours. Normally I would’ve finished in an hour, but today I just hadn’t felt like rushing. Still reluctant to go back inside, I picked up a few carrots from the bin at the back of the garage and headed down to say hello to Mark.
Smiling as I watched him trot up to see me, I thought about how little it takes to make the horse happy. Feeding him a carrot, I moved to the side of his head and started scratching his chest.
“Hello, Mark. I’ve been neglecting you, haven’t I?”
Receiving a small nicker in response, and a nudge from his head, I gave him another carrot. I smiled at how eager he was. Mum had obviously been keeping him on a diet. He was keener than usual for the carrots.
“Mum’s going to a dressage competition next weekend at Yarrambat Park. If everything is still crazy, how about we go with her and have a ride around the park? She won’t let us do any of the cross-country jumps, but it’s still a nice place to ride. What do you say?”
I suspect the nudge I got in reply was more a request for another carrot than an acceptance of the offer. Still, I was sure he'd enjoy the ride if we went. He hadn’t been taken anywhere in a long time.
All too soon, the winds picked up and rain started to fall. Rushing back to the house before it got heavy, I felt calm after my time in the paddocks. I’m definitely more an outside person than an inside one. I still had a small smile on my face as I opened the door and when inside.
“Hi, David. Thanks for doing the fences,” Mum said as I took off my boots. She was sitting at the table, cleaning her horse's bridle.
“That's okay. I needed the fresh air.” I hesitated, then decided to ask her about the idea I'd had about next weekend.
“Mum, if things are still crazy next weekend, I may need to get out of the house for a while. Do you think you could take Mark and me with you to Yarrambat? A ride there is usually pretty relaxing.”
She looked up, surprised. “I don't see why not. Jacque and Mark have traveled together in the horse float before. You just have to promise not to try any of the jumps if there isn't anyone around.”
I gave her a huge grin. “Thanks, Mum. I’ll let you know near the end of the week if I still want to go for a ride.”
Smiling back, she said, “That's fine, honey. Now why don't you get changed and say hello to Scott. He's with Randy and Adam in the living room.”
“Break's here? I didn't see a car when I came up.”
“He and Chris came by to check on Randy. Chris had to go, but he'll be back after dinner to pick up Scott. Now go and get changed. You might want to take a shower, too!”
As I headed off to my room, I glanced into the living room. Scott was sitting on the couch next to Randy, with Adam slouched on a nearby chair, one leg hanging over the armrest. Everyone looked very relaxed and happy. Moving on before they noticed me, I was glad that Scott had come to visit. It's good that Randy gets to see how many people are concerned about him.
After a shower and a change of clothes, I was feeling good. While I couldn't be called happy, I felt relaxed and ready to start socialising again.
About to enter the living room, I heard Scott and Adam laughing, and stopped in the doorway. Scott was nestled in the corner of the couch, one leg stretched out along its length. Adam was still slouched in the same chair. Randy, on the other hand, was standing up, posing in front of the fireplace. “What's so funny?” I asked.
“Hi, Stick,” Scott said, still laughing. “Giant has just been trying to do Looney Toon impressions, and his broken nose is really making them hilarious.”
As Randy is not known for his impressions, I looked at him with raised eyebrows. When he gave a wry smile and a shrug in response, I grinned.
“I think they're better than they normally are,” he said.
“They certainly couldn't be worse,” I retorted.
“You have no taste!” he replied, indignantly.
“I know,” I responded. “After all, I like you.”
After struggling for a moment to come back with a reply, Randy gave up. Grinning widely, he conceded the exchange. “Okay. Maybe you have some redeeming features.”
Sitting down in the spare chair, I smiled. Things were getting back to normal with Randy.
We spent the next hour chatting like typical teenagers. With a conversation that ranged over movies, music, sport and school gossip, I'm sure Randy didn't notice that Adam and I never spoke to each other. We'd respond to comments by Randy and Scott, but neither one of us spoke or responded to the other. It looks like, by mutual agreement, that we will ignore each other as much as possible. I caught Scott looking strangely at Adam at times, when Adam wasn't watching, so maybe he had spotted something.
Our discussion was eventually interrupted by Dad calling from the kitchen.
“Randy, can you please set the table for dinner?”
“Okay, Dad!” he responded. As Randy headed out the door, Adam rose to his feet.
“I'll help, if you don't mind, Giant. I should start learning where everything's kept,” he said.
“Come on, then. It shouldn't take too long,” Randy replied.
After watching them leave, I turned back to Scott. He was still staring after the other two. I thought he looked concerned, but it was hard to be sure. I don’t know him well enough to pick up on subtle clues.
“Break, can we talk privately for a bit?” I asked.
Swinging his attention to me, he looked a little curious. “Sure, Stick. What do you want to talk about?”
“It's about Adam,” I said. “I'm still a bit concerned about him being a homo, and what it all means. You're his best friend. Did you have any clue?”
“Hell no! He’s never done anything to make me think he’s gay.”
“I didn't suspect either. It was a big shock when I found out,” I said. Leaning forward in the chair, I continued, “You were a bit shocked as well. You must have some reservations about him, too. Can you tell me what you think?”
Straightening up, he swung his leg down from the couch and looked down at the floor. There was a long silence before he replied.
“I think it was just that it came completely out of left field,” he began slowly. “It isn’t the sort of thing you expect to be told on the basketball court. It took me a little time to process it.”
Looking up at me, he continued, “I don't think I have any reservations. He's still my best friend, though this does change things a bit. I'm just not sure how.”
“But aren't you afraid that people will think you're gay too?” I asked.
He looked uncomfortable. I heard a note of fear in his voice as he answered, “Yeah, I'm concerned about that. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want people to think I'm gay. But I don't want to abandon Ads, either. Do you have any suggestions for that?”
“All I can think to do is ignore it. Even I'm going to catch it, as I'm sure that some idiots will link my breakup with Liz to Adam, and think it's because I'm gay. I'll deny it whenever it crops up, but I doubt that’ll stop the rumours.”
Thinking for a moment, I added, “If enough of Adam's friends stick by him, people would be stupid to think they're all gay. I just don't know how many will do that.” Looking away, I added quietly, “I know I won't.”
Scott was obviously surprised. “You won’t?”
“No. Adam and I aren't speaking. We've been fighting since he got here. Some of that is my fault, but he's rejected every apology I've tried. Some of it's his fault, and part of that is linked to his being gay. I don't really know how we got to this point, but I know it's partly because Liz and Randy are both involved. I suppose it gets down to the fact that I just don't understand Adam anymore.”
“What is it that you don't understand, Stick?” Scott asked.
As I tried to work out how to answer that question, Randy stuck his head in the door.
“Dinner time! Mum says to wash up, then come to the table.”
I didn't get a chance to continue that conversation with Scott. I wished I could have, as everyone I’d spoken to up to that point had added another perspective to the situation. If I get enough views, maybe I'll be able to sort out the mess.
Traditionally in our house, Dad cooks the weekend dinners. He happens to like cooking, and he’s pretty good at it. We usually have a roast every couple of weeks, so the dinner wasn't anything special. By the time we got to the table, Dad was putting down the tray of roast lamb slices. The roasted vegetables and the jug of gravy were already on the table.
Serving ourselves took care of the first few minutes of the mealtime. By unspoken agreement, the conversation was limited to safe matters; the weekend sporting results, schoolwork, and the upcoming basketball finals.
Near the end of the meal, a random remark from Randy sent my mind into a tangent. He mentioned that the police had interviewed him while he was in hospital. It was only then that I wondered how Aiden was doing. After all, it must be pretty devastating to have your dad arrested for assaulting one of your friends. I felt guilty that I hadn't considered it before, so I resolved to ring him immediately after dinner was finished. If his dad answered the phone I'd hang up, but otherwise I wanted to find out how he was doing.
After we'd put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, Randy, Adam and Scott returned to the living room. Telling them that I'd be along shortly, I grabbed the phone and retreated to my room.
Taking a deep breath, and crossing my fingers that his dad wouldn't answer the phone, I rang Aiden.
“Trent residence, Aiden speaking.”
“Hi, Aiden, its Stick.”
“G'day Stick!” Aiden replied. The pleasure in his voice was obvious. He wasn't keeping his voice down, so I knew he wasn't afraid of being overheard. “How's Randy doing?” he asked anxiously.
“He's quite happy at the moment. He's got a broken nose and two very black eyes, but he's otherwise pretty good. He doesn't appear to be in any pain.”
“That's good. Can you please tell him how sorry I am for what happened?”
“Sure thing, Aidy. Anyway, I was ringing up to see how you are. I haven't heard what happened afterwards, just that the police interviewed Giant at the hospital. Are you okay?”
“Things are pretty tense here,” Aiden said seriously. “Dad's still locked up. We can't get the bail money until tomorrow. Mum's such a wreck that she's staying with my aunt tonight. Because of school tomorrow, I convinced her that I was better off staying here, so I'm home alone at the moment. I just don't know what’s going to happen when Dad's released.” I could tell he was worried.
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked. I didn't expect there to be, but there's no harm asking.
“No,” he answered sadly.
“What do you think is going to happen?”
There was a long pause.
“Aidy?” I asked.
I heard him sigh.
“Normally I'd say that it's none of your fucking business, but I suppose your family is all tied up in this now,” he said. “I'm pretty sure that Dad will pull me from the team. I can't see that he'll let me keep playing after this. If you could warn your dad, it'd be appreciated. What I'm worried about is what else he'll do.”
A sudden thought came to me. During one of last year's classes, we’d studied the topic of child abuse. Given that Mr. Trent had shown he is capable of assaulting a kid, and Aiden's customary reluctance to talk about his personal life, I wondered whether or not he was in danger. Given Aiden's last statement, I decided I had to ask.
“Uh, Aidy,” I started hesitantly, “I've got a personal question I need to ask you. I'll understand if you tell me to go jump.”
“What is it, Stick?”
“You said you don’t know what your dad will to do. Is there any chance he's going to take this out on you?”
The silence that followed dragged on for too long. If he wasn't worried, he would have answered quickly.
“Thanks for asking, Stick, but no, I don't think he'll take it out on me.” Aiden sounded distant, as if his mind really wasn't on what he was saying.
“I've got to go now. See you at school tomorrow.”
He hung up before I could answer. Knowing I was out of my depth, I went looking for my dad.
I found him in the study, working on the computer.
“Dad? Can we talk?”
He turned away from the desk and gestured towards the spare chair. “Sure, David.”
Sitting down, I nervously looked around the room, avoiding meeting Dad's eyes. I wasn’t sure how to say what was on my mind.
“I've just got off the phone to Aiden. I wanted to see how he was coping,” I started.
“That might not have been a smart thing to do,” Dad said gently. “What if his dad had answered?”
“I would've hung up. As it is, Aidy's at home by himself tonight. His dad's still at the police station and his mum's staying with his aunt.”
Not hearing a response, I glanced across at Dad. He was just sitting there, waiting patiently for me to continue. Looking down at my feet, I decided to give him the easy news first.
“Aidy said that he's expecting his dad to pull him from the team. He wanted you to know.”
“I sort of expected that. But it was kind of him to pass it on,” Dad replied, quietly.
Taking a deep breath, I looked up and met my dad's gaze. Nervously, I spat out the bad news.
“Dad, I was wondering if Aiden might be in trouble. His dad has already put Randy into hospital. What happens if he blames Aiden for what's happened? Do you think he might hit Aidy?”
Dad looked away. Holding his chin in one hand, I could tell he was thinking hard, and that it wasn't about happy things. After a minute of silent contemplation, he turned back to me.
“Thanks, David,” he said thoughtfully. “I don't know if your concern has any merit, and I sincerely hope it doesn’t, but I think I'll ring the police. This is a matter for them and the magistrate that set the bail. Hopefully they'll tell me it's already been considered, but there is no harm in alerting them.”
Rising to his feet, he smiled and added, “It was good of you to think of Aiden. I'm very impressed by your concern on his behalf. I'm proud of you, son.”
Relieved that it was now out of my hands, and appreciative of the compliment, I smiled in return. “Thanks, Dad.”
In a happier frame of mind, I joined the others in the living room. As I sat down in the only empty chair, Randy gave me a questioning look.
“David, who did you call?” he asked.
“Aidy,” I replied. “I wanted to find out how he's doing. He asked how you’re doing, and said to say he’s sorry.”
Randy looked surprised and a little guilty. “Thanks, David. I hadn't considered how Aiden might be doing. He's in the middle of his own family mess now, isn't he?”
“Yeah. He's expecting to be pulled off the team, but I think he's worried about what else his dad will do when he's bailed.”
Scott interrupted, “He's not bailed yet?” He sounded surprised.
“No. It seems they can't get the money required until tomorrow.”
I could tell from the grimaces on all three faces that none of them were looking forward to Aiden's dad getting out. No one, however, appeared to have anything to say on the matter.
Visibly shaking himself from whatever was on his mind, Scott turned to me.
“On a completely different topic, can I ask a favour, Stick?”
I was about to give my automatic response, that you can ask but I can't promise, when it struck me that Adam had started with the same question on Friday morning. My mouth temporarily frozen, I just nodded my head.
“The English test is coming up next week. Do you think you can help me study for it? We both know that you're a lot better at English than I am.”
Relieved that it was something as simple as that, I smiled.
“Sure, Break. And I want you to help me study for Computer Studies. Some of the things the teacher talks about just go straight over my head.”
“Deal!” he grinned in response. “I'll talk to Chris about bringing me over after dinner a couple of times a week. How does that sound to you?”
“Sounds fine to me. I'm pretty much free any night, since my parents won't let me get a job.”
“Why is that?” Scott asked curiously.
“Because we live so far out of town,” I answered, disgruntled. “Until I have my own transport, or can organise guaranteed rides, I'm not allowed to take a job. They don't want to end up being a taxi service on weeknights. At least not any more than they are now. I'm allowed to take a job during the day on Saturdays, but to make any sort of reasonable money, I'd have to work all day. That’d mean no basketball, so that's out as well.”
Showing his sympathy for my plight with a consoling look, he said, “Okay. I'll discuss it with Chris on the way home tonight and I'll let you know at school tomorrow what nights he can give me a lift.”
After a short silence, the conversation restarted on more neutral topics. We chatted away for almost an hour, before Chris showed up to take Scott home.
Knowing that continuing a conversation with Randy and Adam was going to be impossible while Ads and I weren't speaking, I excused myself and went to my room. It had been another long and eventful day.
Since just before lunch, I had walled myself off from anything to do with the breakup with Liz. Now, at the end of the day, I couldn't hold it in anymore. After eight months together, we had suddenly broken up. It wasn't as if this had been building up, so I could've prepared myself. Instead, because of Adam, we found ourselves staring at each other across a wide difference of opinion. One wide enough that we didn't appear to know how to bridge it.
Like a little boy, instead of the sixteen-year-old that I am, I cried myself to sleep.
I woke up the next morning still tired. With so much going through my mind, my sleep had been very disturbed. I don’t believe I managed to get more than two hours sleep at once without waking up.
It was going to be a tough day at school. Seeing Liz throughout the day, knowing that she’d left me, was going to be hard enough. But there were also going to be questions about the fight at the basketball game, and the allegations against Adam. The only positive thing that I could think of was that I wouldn’t have any time by myself to sulk. The day was going to be too busy for that.
Dragging my weary body out of bed, I went and had a shower. As the hot water eased some of the strain, and began to bring me back to normal, my mind slowly came back to life. All too soon, it was time to get out, get dressed, and face the horror of the day.
After getting dressed, I shuffled my way down to the kitchen. Not surprisingly, I was the first one there. Normally I wouldn’t have gotten out of bed for another fifteen minutes, but there I was, already showered and dressed.
My appetite was still pretty poor, but Mum had drilled into us kids from an early age that we must have a good breakfast. So, more from habit than a desire to eat, I poured out a large bowlful of cornflakes, added a sliced banana, and started eating.
That was the way Mum found me when she came inside. From the way she was dressed, I knew she’d been out feeding the horses.
“David! You’re up early,” she said, surprised.
“I had trouble sleeping,” I replied, tersely.
Taking off her jacket and hat, she watched me eat. She was obviously concerned, but she didn’t press me. Once she had put the jacket away, she moved over to the kettle.
“Would you like a cup of tea or coffee, David?” she asked.
“I think I’ll have coffee today. I need something to wake me up properly,” I replied after a moment’s thought.
As she made me a cup of coffee, she spoke to me over her shoulder.
“I know the original plan was for me to take you boys to school. Unfortunately, I need to take Randy to see the doctor this morning. So I’d like you and Adam to take the bus. I’m going to ring the school soon to tell them that Randy won’t be in, but I’d appreciate it if you could take the doctor’s certificate to the office for me.”
“Huh?” I said, looking up from my breakfast. I hadn't really been concentrating on what she was saying.
She sighed as she turned her head to look at me. “Randy’s not going to school today. I want you to take to the office the medical certificate that excuses him. Can you please remember to do that?”
“Sure, Mum.”
Well at least Randy is going to be out of it today. I had been hoping that would happen, but I didn’t know what the doctor had said to my mum about him. Returning to my breakfast, I thought at least one thing was going right.
As Mum put a cup of coffee in front of me, I wondered about the plans that had been made. I knew there had been a lot of discussion, but I didn’t recall hearing the final decisions.
“Mum, can you fill me in on what’s going to happen? I sort of missed out on what you and Dad are doing today.”
Sitting down with a cup of tea, Mum sat for a moment as she organised her thoughts.
“Randy’s getting hurt has messed up a lot of the plans. I’m taking him to the local doctor for a final checkup. Hopefully, he’ll be cleared to go back to school tomorrow. As for Adam, your dad is getting some papers drawn up by a lawyer friend to appoint us as guardians. We’ll try to get those signed by Adam’s parents today. We’ll then be able to take those to the school tomorrow.”
Looking worried, she continued, “What we’re most concerned about is what might happen today. We don’t know if we should say something to the school now, or wait until we see what sort of reception Adam gets. Because we’re not his guardians, yet, we think we’ll have to wait until something happens.”
Pausing, she caught my eye. “David, if Adam gets hurt today, we need you to tell the school the situation. Adam doesn’t need the school ringing his parents and getting his dad on the phone. That would only cause trouble.”
As I finished my breakfast, I thought about what she’d said. It didn’t sound like there had been that much change. All they've done is put off telling the school what is going on.
Adam came in while I was making myself another cup of coffee. After a quick glance, we ignored each other. I tuned out while Mum spoke to Adam. I just wasn’t interested in what she had to say to him.
The time until we caught the bus went by too fast. Before I was really ready, Mum was driving us down to where the bus would pick us up at the end of the road. All too soon, our school bus showed up. We are one of the earliest pickup stops, so I wasn’t surprised to find the bus almost empty. There were a couple of younger students at the back and a year 12 student sitting in the middle. None of them did more than glance at us, so it looked like they hadn’t heard any gossip. I had let Adam board first, so I could see where he was going to sit. Noticing him sitting down at the front of the bus, behind the driver, I moved down to the back. I wanted to make it clear to him that he wasn’t going to get any support from me.
As I sat down in front of the younger kids, one of them leant over the back of the seat.
“Hey, Stick, where’s Giant?” he asked.
Turning to look at him, I responded, “Mum’s keeping him at home today. He broke his nose in a fight at the basketball game on Saturday.”
Startled, he sat back. I hoped that would hold off any speculation about Randy for a while. While fights at basketball are pretty rare, they do happen, so the story is believable. The fact that it’s true, if misleading, doesn’t hurt either.
As we continued on our way, I kept an eye on each person who boarded. It wasn’t that I was going to help Adam out, but I wanted to know what was going on. Most of them didn’t react to Adam’s sitting at the front, apart from the occasional questioning glance. After all, he wasn’t normally on this bus. Rick, one of the Steels Creek team, was the only one I saw react. He stopped dead, surprised, just as he entered the bus, and it was only the pushing of the people behind him that got him going again. He gave Adam a few glances over his shoulder as he moved down to the middle of the bus, but otherwise didn’t do or say anything.
Getting off the bus at school, I found Adam standing there, waiting for me. Looking concerned, he moved to intercept me as I headed off towards the school buildings.
“David, …” he started.
Not stopping, I interrupted flatly, “Get lost, Adam. You made your position quite clear yesterday, so now you’re on your own.”
“David, please wait. I’m sorry about what I said. I need some help here.”
Stopping in my tracks, I turned to him. A cold anger made me spit out my reply.
“Well that’s just too fucking bad. I may stay around to watch, but I’m not going to interfere. You’ve stuffed up my life enough. I won't give you a chance to wreck it further.”
Moving off again, I ignored the pleading he kept up. When I saw Liz up ahead, I stopped again. I couldn’t find the nerve to walk past her. As she looked up and saw me, I quickly decided to get out of there. Changing direction, I headed around the side of the school. My intention was to get to my class from the opposite direction, hopefully avoiding a confrontation with Liz. I noticed as I moved away that Adam didn't follow me. A quick glance back showed his dejected figure beginning to slump off towards the classrooms.
My first class was English. In many ways, it was going to be the worst class of the day for me. It was the only time that I would be in the same room as both Adam and Liz. Normally it’s my favourite class. The teacher, Mr. Landsmith, is an entertaining man who controls his class by making it interesting to practically everyone. Today, however, I expected it to be difficult. Steeling myself for the reception I was going to get, I headed to the room. Deliberately not going to my locker, I was hoping to avoid anyone who might try to waylay me there. I knew I would have enough time between my first two classes to use my locker.
Arriving at my English class about ten minutes early, I quickly looked around to see who was already there. Spotting Adam, but not Liz, I moved to an empty seat at the back of the room. Adam watched forlornly as I sat down, but made no move to approach me. A few other classmates looked at me, perplexed. It was only then that I realised that I’d made a mistake. Normally I sit in the middle or front of the class, so by sitting at the back I was advertising the fact that something was wrong. Accepting that it was too late to change, I pulled out my copy of Of Mice and Men and began to read. I didn’t really see what was on the pages, but it served its purpose of preventing conversation.
Watching as the other kids came in, I saw that a few were obviously choosing seats away from Adam. Most, however, paid no attention to him.
When Gary came in, he glanced across at Adam, but came straight over to me.
“G'day, Stick! How's Giant doing?” he asked, as he sat down in the chair next to me.
“Mum's keeping him at home until the doctor says he can go back to school. He's pretty chirpy, but he looks awful. Mr. Trent really messed up his face,” I answered.
“I'm sorry. I wanted to come over yesterday, or at least ring, but it was the day I was with my dad, and he took me up to Daylesford. He didn't drop me back home until late,” Gary explained. I had wondered why we hadn't heard from him, but with his parents divorced, he doesn’t get a lot of chances to spend time with his dad.
“That's alright, Gazza. I'll let him know tonight when I get home.”
Looking over to where Adam was sitting, Gary asked, “What's up with Ads?”
“Adam and I aren't speaking. It's a long story and I don't want to go into it.” My voice started to catch as thoughts of Liz took me by surprise.
Gary looked puzzled for a second, but then a look of sympathy crossed his face. “Liz, huh?” he asked gently.
Not trusting myself to speak, I just nodded.
Giving me a chance to settle myself, Gary turned away and started pulling out his books. He could sense that I wasn't ready for a chat.
With the typical surge of late arrivals, I saw Liz come in. Ducking down and lifting up my book, I avoided any chance of eye contact. I certainly didn't want it to appear as if I was inviting her to come and talk to me. After a short pause, I looked up from my book to find Liz sitting near the front of the class, where she normally sits. She was looking anxiously at the door, as if expecting someone, when Adam got up and spoke quietly to her. The way her head spun around to stare at me made me realise that she had been looking for me. Ducking my head back into my book, I couldn't work out if that was good or bad.
I managed to get through that class without too much stress. I kept catching pained looks from Liz until Mr. Landsmith told her to keep her attention to the front. Meanwhile, I was trying to plot my escape. It was looking like Liz wanted to speak to me. About what, I wasn’t exactly sure, but I knew it would be painful.
When the bell rang to signal the end of the period, I quickly grabbed my bag and pushed my way to the door.
“Stick, wait up!” I heard Liz call out, but steeling myself, I ignored her. I had just reached the corridor when I felt a hand grab my arm. Glancing back, I saw Liz’s anxious look.
“Let go, Liz,” I said quietly. I struggled to keep myself under control. I felt like bursting into tears from the pain at being so close to her. I couldn’t let that happen.
With other students pushing past us, many showing their irritation, I moved off away from the door, Liz still hanging onto my arm.
“Liz, I said let go!”
Letting her hand drop, Liz asked, “Stick, can’t we talk about this?”
“I thought we talked yesterday. What’s changed?” I replied, letting some of my anger at the world start to show. Liz was just the only target in sight.
“Stick, don’t be angry,” she pleaded.
“Why the fuck shouldn’t I be angry?” I said in a low, heated voice. “Between you and Adam, nothing is going right. I don’t think I can take any more. If you want to fix things, then go ahead. Just don’t expect me to do any fixing.”
Not waiting for a response, I headed off to my locker, leaving Liz behind. I should just have enough time before the next class to dump my excess books.
I’ve always struggled with maths, but I think I hit new lows. By the end of the class, I couldn’t remember a thing that had been taught. With my mind constantly wandering over the events of the weekend, the concentration required for trigonometry just wasn’t there. Adam and Scott were in the class, but at least I didn’t have to share it with Liz. I couldn’t stand another confrontation with her. A few students made obvious moves to avoid sitting near Adam, but I didn't hear any comments. The whispers and glances in his direction, however, increased as the class went on.
When the lunchtime bell rang, I quickly picked up my books and started to leave. Halfway to the door, I saw one of our classmates stop Adam. A regular member of the school soccer team, Peter Papadopolous is a popular student. We tend to have different circles of friends, but with both of us being sports mad, we cross paths every so often.
“Adam. There’s a rumour going around that you’re gay,” Peter said politely.
Besides me, half a dozen other students stopped and waited for Adam’s answer.
“So I believe,” Adam replied, evasively.
“Any truth to the rumour?”
Adam glanced around at the waiting students. His gaze rested on me for a second, before returning to look at Peter.
“Yeah, it’s true. Do you want to make anything of it?” he answered defiantly.
I heard a couple of gasps, but my eyes were fixed on Adam and Peter.
“Not really,” Peter said, though a look of disgust briefly crossed his face. “Do your parents know?”
“My dad's kicked me out of home. Does that give you an idea on whether or not they know?” Adam replied sarcastically.
“Holy shit!” Peter exclaimed, shocked. “That’s pretty bad. So where are you staying?”
“The Johnsons’ place,” Adam replied, glancing over at me. “Randy and his parents have been really great about everything.”
After thinking for a moment on what he had been told, Peter said, “I should warn you that I heard someone say that Luke’s looking for you. You might want to make yourself scarce at lunchtime.”
With a look of gratitude, Adam replied, “Thanks, mate. I really appreciate it.”
Luke Williams is an eighteen-year-old thug. Strong on muscles and low on brains, he trades on intimidation. School bullying rules keep him under control most of the time, but occasionally he cuts loose. When he does, if you’re the target, the smartest thing to do is to run as fast as you can.
As I was about to head off, Peter turned to me.
“Stick, I think it’s great what you and your brother are doing. No one deserves to be kicked out of home, even if he's a homo,” he said.
I started to answer when the mention of Randy prompted my memory about the doctor’s certificate.
“Shit!” I exclaimed.
Peter looked surprised. “What?”
“Sorry. I just remembered something I was supposed to do earlier. I’ll see you around, Pete. I’ve got to run.”
Running down to the school office, I thought about Peter’s reaction. As one of the more popular kids in our year, he’s got a lot of influence. If he’s okay with Adam, then there might not be too much trouble. Of course, there are always the Lukes of the world, but maybe Adam can just avoid that type until something else takes their interest.
Arriving at the school office, I found an older student I didn't recognise sitting there. The front desk was unattended, though I could see a couple of adults working at the back of the office, so I sat down and waited for someone to show up. A quick look through the magazines on the table by the chairs revealed nothing worth reading. Sighing, I resigned myself to being bored while I waited.
After about five minutes, the outside door was flung open. Looking up, I was shocked to see Aiden’s dad marching in. The fury on his unshaven face seemed to complement the wrinkled and stained clothing he was wearing. It looked as if he had come straight from the police cells where he’d spent the weekend.
Slumping down in the chair, I prayed that he wouldn’t look in my direction. Luck was with me as all he did was march up to the desk and start yelling.
“Where is the fucking principal? I want to see him now!”
The other kid and I exchanged glances. We weren’t used to seeing an adult in such a towering rage.
“Where is he? I fucking demand to see him, fucking now!”
The door to the principal’s office opened, and Mr. Pitt strode out.
“I’m Mr. Pitt, the principal. Please mind the language, sir!” he demanded sternly.
“I’ll fucking say what I fucking want! I’m here to take my son away from this bloody ridiculous excuse for a school.”
He’s going to do what? I just stared at him. Aiden had been afraid of what he might do, but I don’t think he expected this.
“Would you care to step into my office to discuss this?” Mr. Pitt’s reply was cold. Whether that was from the language being used, or from the man’s opinion of his school, was hard to tell.
“No, I fucking don’t. All I want is for you to get my son here, so I can get him away from the fucking faggots you’re keeping here.”
“I think this is best discussed in my office, sir. If you’ll come this way,” Mr. Pitt said, moving aside and gesturing for Mr. Trent to precede him into his office.
“There’s nothing to fucking discuss. I want my son away from that fucking faggot Adam Kennedy and his fucking boyfriend, Randy Johnson. You get him here now, so I can take him somewhere fucking decent.”
I looked, stunned, at the other kid. His eyes were round as he looked back at me in surprise. Aiden’s dad had just told the kid and half the school office that my brother’s gay. I tried to jump up and deny the accusation, but the memory of Mr. Trent decking Randy was too fresh in my mind. My body just didn’t want to co-operate.
Forcing myself out of the chair, I slid to the door and slipped away. Running out into the yard, I started looking for Aiden. I needed to tell him what I had overheard, as soon as I could.
Scanning our usual lunchtime places as I ran, I eventually found Aiden, Scott, Adam, and surprisingly, Michael O’Conner, sitting on one of the benches down by the outdoor basketball court.
As I ran up breathless, everyone looked at me. Adam looked away immediately, but Scott and Michael stood up to give me room to sit down. Waving them off, I rested my hands on my knees and took a few deep breaths.
Looking up, I ignored everyone else and spoke directly to Aiden. “Your dad’s in the school office.”
Fear swept over Aiden’s face.
Before he could say anything, I added, “He wants to take you out of school. He’s saying it’s to get you away from Adam and Randy.”
Adam interrupted, “Why Randy? I can understand me, but why Giant?”
I looked at him with disgust. “He called Randy your boyfriend. This is what I’ve been afraid of. The rumours are going to start now that my brother’s gay.”
Turning back to Aiden, I continued, “Mr. Pitt doesn’t seem to be too impressed, but I don’t think he’ll have any choice. I think they’ll be calling you on the PA soon. I thought you should know.”
Right on cue, we heard the PA system come on. “Aiden Trent to the office. Could Aiden Trent please go to the office immediately?”
“Thanks, Stick,” Aiden said softly, as he picked up his bag. His air of dejection was apparent to all of us.
“I’ll go back with you. I still need to hand in the doctor’s certificate for Randy,” I said. Receiving a faint smile in response, I picked up my bag and started keeping pace with Aiden.
I was surprised when Michael also joined us, walking on the other side of Aiden. When I glanced across at him, he smiled back. “My dad will want to know what’s going on. You should have heard him yesterday morning after he finished his shift at the station. He thinks Mr. Trent is a right old loon.” Looking apologetically at Aiden, he added, “Sorry, Aiden. I didn’t mean to insult your dad.”
Staring straight ahead as he walked, Aiden replied distantly, “That’s okay, Michael. I know what he’s like.”
I started getting nervous. Aiden clams up at times, but this was different. It was almost as if he had resigned himself to some dreaded fate. He was falling into himself, hiding his emotions. By the time we got to the office, he could have been a robot.
I bravely entered first. As I stepped to the side to let Aiden and Michael enter, I took in the scene in front of us. Mr. Pitt had been joined by the vice principal, Ms. Ng. Though shorter than most of the students, Ms. Ng carries a presence that could dominate any situation. Rumour has it that she has a black belt in Judo, though no one has ever claimed to see her use it.
Mr. Trent’s military background was obvious in the way he stood stiffly, with his arms held firmly behind his back. You could imagine that he was standing waiting for an officer to come along and give him orders to go and kill.
Sneering at me, he dismissed me from consideration as soon as he saw Aiden. He jerked into action immediately.
“Right, son. Grab your gear. I’m taking you home,” he said as he went to seize Aiden by the arm.
“Not so fast, Mr. Trent,” Ms Ng stated calmly, as she moved to stand between Aiden and his dad. “We have a legal obligation to not release Aiden unless certain circumstances are met. At the moment, you have not demonstrated sufficient need. If you would care to come back to my office, we’ll complete the paperwork required before you can take Aiden out of here.”
Aiden’s dad looked down at her with disdain. He tried to stare her down, but her calm expression never wavered. Mr. Trent was the first to crack.
“Bloody hell. Let’s get it over and done with it. I’ve wasted enough fucking time as it is.” Turning back to Aiden, he issued his orders. “Go get your stuff. You can leave the schoolbooks; you won’t need them again. I’ll be back soon.”
Realising I only had one chance, I grabbed Mr. Pitt by the arm as he started to follow the other two adults to Ms. Ng’s office. Startled, he looked at me before frowning.
“Young man, …” he started.
“Please, sir,” I interrupted in a low voice, “I need to speak to you urgently about Mr. Trent.”
He stared at me, as if to divine what it was that I was going to tell him. Putting on my most pleading face, I mentally prayed for him to listen. He glanced down the corridor to where Ms. Ng stood by her office door, looking back at us, before waving at her to continue without him.
“Come into my office. This had better be good.”
This was the first time I had been in the principal’s office. In normal circumstances, I would have felt intimidated, but this was anything but a normal time. Standing nervously by the chair in front of the desk, I waited for Mr. Pitt to settle into his chair.
“Well? Perhaps you can start by telling me who you are,” he demanded.
“I'm David Johnson, sir. Mr. Trent has just been released from police custody for the assault of two kids on Saturday night: Adam Kennedy and my brother, Randy Johnson. I’m afraid that he might take out his frustrations on Aiden. All I’m asking is that you check with the police before you let him take Aiden away.”
As he sat there, staring, I felt compelled to fill in the silence.
“Randy ended up in hospital, and is still at home now. I have the doctor’s certificate with me that excuses him from school today. He’s got a broken nose and he had concussion.” I was starting to babble, but I couldn’t help myself.
Reaching over the desk and holding out his hand, Mr. Pitt finally spoke. “Can I see it, please?”
He opened the envelope and read the contents quickly. Still reading, he picked up the phone and dialed a short number.
“Jeni, it’s Rob. Keep him there as long as you can. I need to do some checking before we let him take his son away.” After a short pause, he said, “Okay,” and hung up.
Looking up at me, he said, “Thank you, Mr. Johnson. You can go now. I’ll see what I can do.”
Before I was out the door, he was on the phone again. “Sally, please get me the Yarra Glen police station straight away.”
Closing the door behind me, I looked over to see Michael waiting nearby, watching me quizzically. Aiden was nowhere in sight, so I guessed he was out following his dad’s orders. I grabbed Michael by the arm and took him out into the corridor.
“Michael, how much do you know of Mr. Trent’s bail conditions?”
Looking surprised, he answered, “Not much. Dad doesn’t normally tell me details like that.”
“Damn,” I said to myself. Seeing Michael’s perplexed look, I added, “I was hoping there would be bail conditions that would mean that he wouldn’t be able to take Aiden away.”
Looking down the hall and seeing Aiden approaching, Michael said quietly, “I doubt they would do that unless there was a past history of assaults. I don’t think there is.”
Standing there silently, both lost in our thoughts, we waited for Aiden to reach us. When he did, he dropped his bag and grabbed me in a bear hug. “Tell Giant I’m sorry. Sorry for what happened, and sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye. Look after Giant and Ads for me, will you, Stick? They’re both going to need you.”
Shocked by the sudden display of emotion from the usually reserved Aiden, all I could do was nod my head. I didn’t really comprehend what I was doing.
Releasing me, Aiden reached out and shook Michael’s hand. “Thanks, mate, for being here. And thank your dad for Saturday. I think Dad could have killed one of them if your dad hadn’t stopped him.”
“Sure thing, Aiden. No problems.”
Butting in, I asked, “Do you want us to stay until your dad’s finished with Ms. Ng?”
“Thanks anyway, but no. Just go, please,” Aiden insisted.
I glanced at Michael and saw that he agreed. We said goodbye to Aiden and headed off to where we had left Adam and Scott. We walked in silence, but I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to say much, anyway.
First it was Randy in hospital, and then Liz breaking up with me. Now it was Aiden being taken away. What else was going to happen because of Adam?
When we got back, we found that Peter had joined Adam and Scott. Adam was in the middle of telling the story of what had happened since Tuesday night. Stopping, he looked questioningly at Michael and me.
“I've told the principal about Saturday night, and asked him to check with the police before they let Mr. Trent take Aiden out of school. It's up to them now.” My lack of enthusiasm showed what I thought the chances were of Aiden staying.
Nodding his thanks, Adam resumed his story. Giving a quick recount for Michael's sake, he picked up from where he had stopped.
Tuning them out, I felt myself fill with anger. I wanted to turn the anger on Adam, but at the bottom of my heart I knew that it wasn’t all his fault.
“There’s the poofter!”
Startled back to reality, I looked up to see Luke Williams and two of his cronies approaching. Because of the volume behind Luke’s comment, we were suddenly the centre of attention of all the kids in the area. Glancing at my watch, I saw that we had fifteen minutes to go until the end of lunch. Being saved by the bell wasn’t going to happen here.
“We don’t like faggots hanging around here, do we, boys?” Luke sneered, as he stared at Adam.
Adam was frozen on the bench, staring at Luke. Scott had slid off the side of the bench and was tugging on Adam’s arm, trying to get him to move. I was surprised, though, at Peter and Michael. As if they had practiced it, both stood up in unison and crossed their arms nonchalantly as they looked back at Luke. He would have to go through them to get to Adam. The fact that they could appear so unconcerned was amazing. Not only were they outnumbered, but their older opponents outweighed them by a lot.
“You can always go somewhere else, Luke,” Michael drawled.
“Hey, fellas, it looks like the cocksucker is pretty good. He’s already got two satisfied clients,” Luke called back to his two friends. I had seen them both around before, but I had never found out their names.
Frowning, Peter asked, “Why don’t you just leave him alone?”
Luke leant forward, “Because I fucking hate poofters, that’s why.”
Smirking, he added, “Do you really think you’re going to stop us from teaching him a lesson? It’s three of us against only two of you. Don't expect the faggot to fight, he might break a nail.” His two cronies laughed at the feeble joke. I should've expected that their mentality would match Luke’s.
At that point, there was a disturbance in the crowd that had surrounded us. Hoping to see a teacher, I was disappointed when Ian Ashton pushed his way through and stood between the two groups. The ruck-rover for the school's Aussie Rules football team and the local Yarra Glen football club, his solid build gives him the appearance of a brick wall. A year 12 student, he moves in different circles than me and my friends.
After looking at Michael and Peter for a moment, he turned to Luke.
“Get lost, Williams. You’re not touching them,” he said firmly. Luke’s surprised expression showed his confusion at this turn of events. I could understand. It was not what I would have expected from a football player.
“Out of the way, Ashton. This ain’t your business. We just want to show the poofter what we think of him.”
“I’m making it my business,” Ian growled. “You leave Adam Kennedy alone. If I hear you’ve touched one hair on his head, you’ll find yourself picking up teeth.” Taking a half step towards Luke, Ian raised his fists, ready to fight.
Looking a little uncertain of himself, Luke backed up. After a quick glance around at his friends, he looked past Ian to where Adam had dragged himself to his feet.
“You’re dead, Kennedy. Sometime, somewhere, you’re going to get it.” Turning his back, he continued, “Come on you two, let’s get out of here.”
After watching Luke and his cronies disappear, Ian glanced around at the crowd.
“The same applies to everyone. Anyone touches Adam and I’ll break their teeth. Got it?” he stated forcefully.
Looking slightly amused, he watched as Adam tried to sort out what had just happened. “I heard a little while ago what you said at the end of your maths class. When I found out that Luke Williams was out to get you, I followed him here,” he explained.
Turning to face Michael and Peter, he extended his hand. “Thanks, guys, for standing up for Adam. It takes real guts when you're outclassed. If you think you need any help in the future, let me know.”
As he shook their hands, I was amazed. Why was Ian doing this? As far as I knew, before today he had never even spoken to Adam. Now was acting as his guardian angel.
Standing up, I asked, “Why are you doing this, Ian? What’s it to you? He’s only a fucking homo.” I ignored the shocked looks that Peter and Michael gave me. They hadn’t been through the weekend that I had.
Ian walked over and glared at me. His physical presence and obvious anger made him loom larger than I would have expected.
“Do you want to know why I'm defending him? If you sit down and shut up, I'll tell you,” he growled.
“Okay,” I replied nervously as I sat down.
“Last summer, I made a comment like yours to my mum,” he started. His anger was evident by the intensity of his voice. “She said if that was my attitude, then it was time for some re-education. The next day she dragged me into work with her. In case you didn't know, she works as a palliative care nurse at a hostel in St. Kilda.”
He paused, then growled, “Do you even know what that means?”
“Uh... no?” I answered hesitantly.
“Palliative care is looking after people who are dying,” he explained tersely. “It's treating them so their last days are spent with as much dignity and as little pain as possible. Most palliative care nurses work with the aged, but my Mum specializes in working with AIDS patients.”
“AIDS? The poofs’ disease? They probably deserve it, anyway,” I said with derision.
Ian's face convulsed with rage as he grabbed my shirt and pulled my face up to his.
“Really?” he raged, getting louder as he continued. “Did the thirty-year-old girl who got HIV when she was raped by her boy friend when she was sixteen deserve it? Did the twelve-year-old who got HIV before he was born because his mum shared a drug needle deserve it? Or the guy who got it at a tattoo parlour that used dirty needles? Yeah, many of the patients were gay, but you know NOTHING about them. How dare you say what they do or don't deserve!” he yelled.
He pushed me back down as he stepped back. Stunned by his fury, I stayed silent.
“What I saw there opened my eyes to what a gay person is. I didn’t see it from the patients, but from their visitors,” he continued, reining in some of his anger. “Yeah, some were effeminate, but many were not. They looked and acted just the same as anyone else you would see down the street. There’s talk that the 'gay lifestyle' is loose, with shallow and short-lived relationships, but what I saw didn't fit that picture. There was the football player who came every day to help tend to his partner of eight years. The builder who spent all weekend retelling stories of their lives together with his partner of twelve years. The love and affection they showed was as strong as any that I've seen from married couples – stronger than many, with the divorce rate nowadays.”
Looking over at Adam, who sat wide-eyed and stunned, he continued, “From these and other examples, I learnt that gays are just people like everyone else. The only thing different is the sex of the person they love.”
My eyes didn't leave his face, and I saw a range of emotions sweep across his face as he spoke. His anger transformed into pain and sorrow as his eyes lost their focus and appeared to recall scenes from that hostel.
“But I learnt the most from a guy named Craig.”
I could see tears start to form in his eyes, with his voice conveying the anguish he was feeling. The fact that this hulking football player was showing so much emotion was not lost on me. Whatever had happened had really affected him hard. A quick glance around showed a quiet crowd of teenagers hanging on Ian’s every word.
“Same as Adam, Craig was kicked out of home when he was fifteen and his parents found out he was gay. This was back in the early ‘80's. He didn’t have any money or a place to live, so he looked around for a job. But no one would hire a fifteen-year-old with no skills and no address. Yeah, he could have gotten a job at McDonald's or somewhere like that, but he wouldn't have earned enough for him to have a roof over his head at night.
“He couldn’t find any legal way to make enough money to live, but he was too honest to steal, so that left him with only one choice – prostitution.”
His eyes refocused on me, and the anger came back to his face as he bent down to stare into my eyes.
“To make sure he could eat and have a place to sleep, he sold his body to whoever would pay.
“I'm sure you're thinking that he would have enjoyed that – he was gay, after all. Well, it wasn’t like that. He wasn't anyone's boyfriend. He never made love. He was a piece of meat that was available for rent – to be used in whatever way the buyer wanted.”
Straightening up, his eyes lost focus again, as he stared into the distance. His voice lost all emotion as he continued the tale.
“He put up with that for almost eighteen months. He made enough money to survive, if you could call it that, but he couldn't see what future he had. So, for his seventeenth birthday, he decided to give himself a present. He walked down to St. Kilda road and stepped in front of a bus.”
He shuddered and took a deep breath.
“He didn't get his present – he lived. It was at the hospital that he learnt that he was HIV positive. At first he didn't understand what it meant. Once he did, he broke down and cried for two days.”
He looked back down at me with the saddest face I have ever seen.
“He had no family. The hospital contacted his parents, but they denied that he was their son. He had no job. His conscience wouldn't let him go back to his old trade, even if he had wanted to. He couldn't take the risk of infecting someone else with a death sentence. He was still suicidal. From his point of view it was a choice between killing himself then or dying painful from an incurable disease at some time in the future.
“He was lucky. While he was at the hospital, one of the pastors got him a job working at the Melbourne City Mission, helping other homeless kids. He worked there until the middle of last year, when he developed full-blown AIDS and ended up at the hostel. After all that time, the only people he knew were the ones he worked with. My mum assigned me as his carer. I was practically the only one to spend any time with him, which is how he came to tell me his story.”
Tears started to roll down his face, as turned and spoke directly to Adam.
“Through all of this, it was obvious that he was basically a good soul that life had dumped the worst possible shit on. To the end, he still claimed to love his parents. He never said a thing to indicate that he hated anyone for what had happened to him.”
The raw emotion that showed in his voice and on his face left no doubt at how much that man had affected him.
“Craig died, holding my hand, on Christmas Eve. It was the worst Christmas I have ever had.” His last words were soft, but the silence of the crowd meant that everyone had heard the pain they contained.
Blinking back the tears, he looked at me.
“Why am I defending Adam? It's simple. I don't want him to become another Craig.”
I watched as Ian walked over to a blonde-haired girl in the crowd and put his arm around her shoulder. They then slowly strolled off together. Even though she was shorter and slimmer than he was, you could see the support he was drawing from her. Telling Craig’s story had really drained him.
As the crowd dispersed, I became aware of being the focus of attention. Adam was staring at me with an unreadable expression, but the sorrow on Scott’s face made me wonder what was going through that curly head of his.
Michael and Peter were looking at me puzzled, and a little annoyed.
“What was all that about?” Peter demanded.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Firstly, staying on your bloody butt when Luke and his thugs showed up, and then going off on Ian when he came along. What sort of mate are you, anyway?”
I looked at Peter. I could see that Michael was also interested in the answer, so I carefully considered what I was going to say. When I noticed that Peter was about to explode, I realised I was taking too long. I had to say something, and quickly.
“Okay, it's a long story, but here's the short version. If Luke had started something, I would've helped you and Michael, but Adam and I discussed this yesterday, and he doesn't want my help. I'm just doing what he wants.”
“You bloody hypocrite,” Adam interrupted, angrily. Stepping up to me, he added, “I asked for your help this morning, and you refused.”
“I offered it yesterday, but you threw it back at me. After what you did, did you expect me to suddenly forget everything and do anything you wanted?”
“I was hoping you'd be a friend! I needed you!”
“You told me that I’m not a friend, remember? Only friends are allowed to call you Ads, Adam!” I spat the last word out at him.
Suddenly, as if by magic, Scott appeared between us.
“Stop it, both of you! Shut up before you say something you'll regret,” he implored, as he looked at each of us.
“Too late, Scott,” I snarled, “Adam went too far yesterday.”
“And you went too far on Friday night,” Adam spat straight back.
Responding to a pleading look from Scott, Peter grabbed Adam, and Michael grabbed me. Shaking off Michael’s hand, I grabbed my bag and walked away. I had promised to keep an eye on Adam, but there were limits to what I was willing to do.
Wrapped up in my thoughts, I was startled when I heard Michael speak to me.
“Can you tell me what happened?” he asked.
I hadn’t realised that he had followed me from the basketball court. I paused and considered the request. Because of the help his dad had given on Saturday, I felt that I owed him something. He had also come along as support for Aiden only a short while ago. Nodding my head, I started walking slowly as I spoke.
“Adam's right about me going too far on Friday night,” I admitted. “When he told us that he's gay, I went right off and called him a lot of things. And I’m sorry about that. I've tried to apologise a couple of times, but he won't accept it. He was desperate at the time, and I really hurt him.”
After letting that sink in, Michael asked quietly, “And yesterday?”
I sighed. “Because of Adam, Liz and I have broken up. Adam was rubbing my nose in it yesterday.”
Michael's eyebrows disappeared under his hair, as he looked at me in surprise. “You and Liz? So that's what upset you before the game? I thought you two were pretty solid.”
It was only then that I remembered that he'd been sitting there when Randy had tried to find out what was going on between Liz and me.
“How did Adam make you two break up?” he asked, perplexed.
“It's a bit complicated, but she thinks I should be doing more for Adam. She doesn't understand what a danger he is,” I said, staring off to where I could see Liz and some of her girlfriends by the school buildings.
“And what sort of danger is he?”
I hung my head down. “I don't know, I just feel he is,” I mumbled. Looking back up at Michael, I continued defiantly, “He's a bloody poof, for heaven sake. Look at what happened to Randy because of him!”
Michael nodded his head. “I understand what you’re saying. I don’t agree with it, but I can see why you think it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Michael stopped as he turned to me. “Well, because Adam’s gay, Randy ended up in hospital. I know how much your brother means to you, so you feel angry with Adam because of that. But it wasn’t Adam who put him in hospital; it was Aiden’s dad. It should be him and his attitude that you’re angry with.”
Looking back to where I could see Liz, I sighed, “Liz said pretty much the same thing, but she said it before the game.”
“Then trust her!” Michael stated firmly. “She’s a smart girl.”
As we started moving again, I thought about what Michael had said. Were my concerns for Randy messing everything up? I remembered thinking, after talking to Brian yesterday, that the core of my problem with Adam was to do with Randy. But I still couldn’t put my finger on what it is that’s bothering me.
We were interrupted by the bell announcing the end of lunch. It was time to head off to my next class, the only class that day that I didn’t share with any of my usual friends. I was strangely heartened to remember that Michael also takes woodworking. Working with my hands instead of my head is excellent therapy.
Halfway through the class, I took the opportunity while we were sanding and staining the stools we were building to continue the conversation with Michael.
“Mike, can I ask you something?” I said quietly.
Looking up from the piece in front of him, he said, “Sure, Stick.”
“We’ve never really talked a lot, but this thing with Adam is really messing me up. Will you tell me what went through your head when you found out?”
He was silent for a long time, as he stood gazing at the stool he was working on. Picking up his sanding block, he slowly worked on smoothing the top.
“I’m not sure I can explain it,” he eventually said, “but I’ll try.”
“My first reaction was that it was some sort of joke, but I couldn’t see Aiden’s dad being involved in something like that. So, even though I would never have thought it of him, I had to accept that Adam’s really gay.”
“It was a shock. I really didn’t know what to think. But in front of me I had two examples of how to react; Aiden’s dad and you.”
He stopped sanding and looked up at me. “At the time, I thought you were accepting Adam for what he is. Aiden’s dad’s attitude repulsed me, so I thought that if you could handle it, I probably should be able to as well. So you can imagine how surprised I was today.”
Returning to my own sanding, I said, “I think I was handling it, at the time. Not well, but coping. But then Randy got hurt, and that’s thrown me.”
We were silent for the next few minutes as we worked side by side. Thinking the conversation had ended, I was startled when Michael started speaking again.
“I had a long chat with my dad yesterday. It was all on stereotypes. Being a cop, he sees all kinds of people in stressful situations. The main thing I took from it is that you should always judge people as individuals, not as members of a group. Everyone is different. Look at what they say and what they do. Don’t worry about what they might do, unless you have a reason to think they’ll do it. Because of that, I’m thinking of Adam as the basketball opponent we’ll probably be playing against in the grand final, who’s also someone I see at school. I’m not thinking of him as being gay. His being gay is something that’s just none of my business.”
“B2 said pretty much the same thing to me,” I replied. “I just can’t ignore it, though. You’re not living with Ads. I’m constantly being reminded about why he’s at our place.”
As the silence stretched out, punctuated only by the sounds of the class working on their projects, I thought about what Michael had said about people's reactions. Going over what I knew, I felt a chill run through me.
The people who were reacting badly to Adam were his dad, Aiden’s dad, Luke… and me.
Everyone I liked and admired was coping with Adam. Some, like Gary, were staying on the sidelines, but there were lots who were willing to step up and help. I, on the other hand, was in the same camp as people I despised.
Somewhere, somehow, I had made a big mistake and ended up on the wrong side of the fence. I still had a nagging concern about Adam, but too many people were accepting him without apparent reservation. I needed to work out my problem, but I couldn't let those worries control my reactions anymore.
“Mr. Johnson, the work isn’t going to get done by just staring at it. You actually have to do some manual labour.”
Mr. Chapman’s deep gravelly voice drew me quickly out of the daze I had settled into. With a mumbled apology, I commenced work again. I had a lot to think about, but then was the not the time to do so.
I was still thinking over Michael’s comments and observations when Scott caught up with me just before I entered my last class of the day.
“Stick, I forgot to ask you at lunchtime. Is it okay for me to come around tonight to study? I’d like to catch up with Randy again, anyway.”
“Sure, Break,” I answered absently. My mind was not really taking in what was going on around me.
He had been about to head off, but stopped after I responded.
“Are you alright, Stick? You’re not sounding all here,” he asked, concerned.
Shaking my head, I brought myself back. Smiling, I said, “Thanks, Break, but I’m back again. I was just drifting off. I’ve got a lot to think about. See you tonight.”
After another searching look, he seemed to accept what I had said. With a grinning reply, he headed off.
My last class for the day was history. I shared this one with Adam and Gary. I arrived just before the class was due to start, so I didn’t have a lot of options on where to sit. Apart from one seat right up front, the rest of the empty seats were near Adam. It was easy to see that most of the students felt uncomfortable sitting near him. The only exceptions were two girls who were sitting in front of him. They had turned around and were trying to talk to him. From the squirming he was doing, it was obvious that he didn’t want the attention.
Before I could make a conscious decision on where to sit, I found myself walking over to Adam. There was an aura around him like a trapped wild animal. My instinct to help creatures in distress kicked in, and I sat down next to him.
“Hi, Maise, Helen. How’s things?” I asked the girls, cheerfully.
Looking startled and a little annoyed, they gave me dirty looks. It seemed I had interrupted something.
“Hi, Stick,” Helen replied, grudgingly. “We were just talking to Adam about going to a movie on Saturday.”
“I'm sorry, but we've got an important basketball game on Saturday, and we need Adam. We're going to be two players down, so without him, we’d be in big trouble,” I explained, cheerfully. “Maybe another time?”
Helen eyed me suspiciously. “What time is the game? Surely he'll have time for a movie afterwards.”
“The game is late in the afternoon,” I said, “but it's going to be rough one. So the chance of being fit enough to enjoy a movie afterwards is pretty slim.” I smiled at the two girls. I'd never seen them at a game, so I'm pretty sure they had no idea what our games are normally like.
Before they could come up with another suggestion, Mrs. Leadbetter arrived, and it was time for the lesson to start.
With a lot of effort, I managed to pay attention through most of the class. My mind wandered off a few times, but Mrs. Leadbetter didn't appear to notice. We were covering the period of Australian history known as the Rum Rebellion. There were enough interesting stories as part of that period to keep the focus of the class on her for most of the period. You have to feel a little sorry for William Bligh. First he had the mutiny on the Bounty, and then, as Governor of New South Wales, he had a second mutiny by the police force. You wonder if he was just unlucky, or whether he was the sort of person that should never be put in charge of other people. Overall, looking at the events of 1808 took my mind off the events of today, at least for a while.
When the bell sounded to end the school day, I grabbed Adam by the arm.
“Come on, Adam. We don't want to be late,” I said, as I bundled him out the door before Helen and Maise could react. As we passed Gary, I called out, “Gazza! Can I give you a call tonight?”
Glancing over to me a little surprised, he said, “Sure, Stick! Anytime after eight will be fine.”
Waving a hand in acknowledgment, I pulled Adam along towards my locker. We had gone about thirty feet from the classroom when he pulled himself out of my grip.
“I can walk fine on my own, thank you,” he said icily.
I smirked back, “And if you look like you might be having any trouble, I'm sure that Helen and Maise would love to help you out.” I enjoyed the way his iciness switched to fright so quickly. I was right. Their attention had him rattled.
“Why are you doing this, David?” he asked nervously.
I let the smirk drop from my face. Honesty was the only thing I could answer him with.
“I don't know. Not really. I had a chat with Michael O’Conner earlier, and it made me take a good hard look at myself. I found some things I didn’t like. I think I'm getting myself sorted out, but I'm not there yet. There's still something that's bothering me, and until I work it out, I don't know where we're headed. I’m going to try to keep my temper under a bit more control, though.
“Truce? At least temporarily?” I asked him.
Examining my face, as if for any sign of deceit, he eventually nodded. “I can forgive you for your comments at the hospital, because you were upset over Randy. But I can’t forgive you for what you said on Friday night. I hope you understand that. I think you’re trying, David, so okay. Truce. For the moment.”
Delighted that I had started to mend one of my broken fences, I was smiling as we headed to join the crowd around where the buses would pick us up. The smile slipped, however, as I saw the way the students in front of us moved aside as we approached. There were mixed signals in the way that was done. Disgust or fear seemed to be dominant, but I was more worried by the occasional flashes of hatred. Because of Mr. Trent, I knew that Randy would be the target of the same reaction tomorrow when he came back to school.
“A little bit like the parting of the Red Sea,” Adam joked. I could tell he was forcing himself to find humour in the situation.
“I’ve known for almost three days now, and I’m just getting my head around it. Give them time. We’ll be back to pushing our way through soon enough,” I replied.
I desperately looked around for someone who wasn’t going to move away as we approached. I was relieved when I spotted Ian Ashton moving towards us.
“Look who’s coming over,” I said to Adam, pointing in the direction of Ian.
Smiling, Adam stepped forward. “Thanks, Ian. I really appreciate what you did at lunchtime.”
Ian grinned. “No problems, mate.” He then frowned. “Has anyone else been hassling you today?”
Adam paused, then answered, “Yes, but nothing more than I had expected, and a lot more low-key than I had feared. As David just said, I need to give them time to get used to the idea. If I'm still being hassled at the end of the week, I'll let you know.”
Ian frowned at me. I could tell I wasn’t one of his favourite people. With some justification, I had to admit. Looking around, I couldn’t see our bus, so with some trepidation, I grabbed the opportunity in front of me.
“Ian, can I ask you a question?” I asked.
Suspicious, he stared at me. “Why?” was his flat reply.
“I’m trying to get myself sorted out, and I’m finding it helpful to know what others think. Can you tell me what you thought, the first time you met someone you knew was gay?”
Softening his gaze, he said, “That seems fair. I can’t do it now, though. I’ve got to go. I’ll try to find you tomorrow at lunch. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure!” Glancing at Adam, inviting him to interrupt if he wanted to, I continued, “We’ll probably be where you found us today, unless something makes us move, or if it’s raining.”
With a wave of his hand, Ian turned and headed off. Looking back over his shoulder, he called out, “See you then!”
After Ian had left, we were both silent. The normal banter we would have exchanged last week was gone, and I had to admit to myself that I missed it. I thought about trying to pick up from where we were before Friday night, but I didn't. That would just trivialise the current situation, and I couldn't do that.
As I watched our bus roll up, I suddenly had a thought.
Turning to face him, I asked, “Adam, do you want me to sit next to you on the bus?”
He looked at me, suspicion written on his face.
“Why?” he asked bluntly.
“Firstly, as an apology for my behaviour today, and secondly because I’m not sure what the others on the bus are going to be like. This will give you another day before you have to find out.”
His expression relaxed as he considered what I had said. Finally, he nodded his head. “Thanks, David. I'd like that.”
As we boarded the bus, I sensed Adam was jostled. Looking around, I saw a few hostile stares, and a couple of smirks, but I couldn't pick who had done it. Adam just seemed to ignore it, so I followed him on without trying to make it an issue. From the way he hadn't reacted, I suspected that this was not the first time today that it had happened.
We were lucky. There was an empty seat near the front of the bus. Adam sat down and slid across to the window. With me sitting next to him, the only way he'd get harassed would be from the seat behind us. As I kept an eye out to see how the other kids were reacting, and to also see who would sit behind us, I noticed that Adam had his face firmly turned away, staring out of the window. After a moment’s thought, I realised what he was doing. By not looking at the other kids, he wasn't giving them any excuse to make a comment. If they said anything, it would be clear that they were starting it.
The way over half the kids slowed down and stared at Adam showed how well the school grapevine had worked all day. Most just seemed curious, though a reasonable number looked disgusted. A couple of the older girls looked thoughtful, and whispered something to each other with small smiles. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I didn't think they looked vindictive. It was more as if they saw an interesting challenge. Remembering Maise and Helen, I chuckled to myself. I think Adam is going to find himself being chased by a few girls who want to find out for themselves if he's really gay.
I felt relieved when a couple of young girls took the seat behind us. I think they were in Randy's year, but I wasn't sure. Regardless, I didn't think they were likely to start anything.
The trip home was pretty uneventful. The only thing of interest was when Rick got off the bus. As he walked past us, he stopped and asked me to pass on his best wishes to Randy. He glanced across at Adam and looked like he was going to say something, but then just shook his head and walked off.
Normally, the ten-minute walk home from where the bus drops us off goes quickly. Randy and I are usually chatting away with the gossip of what occurred in school that day. The walk with Adam, instead of Randy, seemed to last forever. The silence between us just emphasised the stress we were both feeling. As we passed the entrance to the Ricardo property, I finally broke the quiet.
“Would you like to drop in to see B1 and B2 before we go home?” I asked.
“No. I'm not sure what their parents would've heard by now, so I don't want to risk showing up without an invite. I also want to find out how my mum is doing. Your parents were going to try to see her today,” he replied, as he strolled along. With a sidewise glance, he added, “Thanks for the suggestion, though.”
I had forgotten about that. Adam must be a bundle of nerves, waiting to find out what his mum and dad have done today. From what Kelly had said on the weekend, Adam's mum must be really stressing out. Was there a possibility that she'd leave his dad, and so be able to take Adam back? It wouldn't solve all my troubles, but it'd put some distance between Adam and Randy until I could sort out what my problem was.
I cringed as I realised what I had just been thinking. I had been callous enough to think about someone getting a divorce as a partial solution to a personal problem of mine, without being concerned for the people involved. Mrs. Kennedy had to be really hurting. Her husband had turned morbid, her daughter was rarely home anymore, and now her son had effectively been pushed out of her life. And all I had thought of was her leaving her husband to make my life easier. I felt very, very ashamed.
When we finally got home, Mum and Randy were sitting at the kitchen table. Randy looked a little better, but the main thing that shone through was his enthusiasm as he jumped out of his seat to greet us.
“Stick, Ads! How was the day? Any problems? What did everyone say? Anyone hassle you?”
Grinning at the eager stream of questions that were springing out of Randy's mouth, I was going to respond, when I noticed that Adam was ignoring him. Turning towards Adam, I saw him looking fearfully at Mum. After opening and closing his mouth a few times, two words eventually made their way out.
“My mum?” he asked. The concern in his voice made the question hang heavy in the air.
Randy fell silent as we waited for Mum to respond.
Rising to her feet, she gave Adam a gentle smile. “Come with me to the living room, Adam. I'll tell you all about it there.” The smile made me think that there had to be some good news in what she had to say. The fact that she took him away to tell him made me think there was probably some bad news as well.
Turning back to my brother, I asked, “Do you know what she's going to say?”
He shook his head, “No. She didn't say much about what she and Dad got up to today.”
In a lighter tone of voice, he continued, “Anyway, are you going to tell me what happened today, or do I have to drag it out of you?”
“How about I give you the bare bones, and we wait until dinner so everyone gets the full story at the same time?” I offered.
“Deal!” he grinned.
Taking a moment to think about it, I decided that the real events of interest were all those that occurred at lunchtime.
"At the start of lunch, Peter Papadopolous asked Adam about the rumours. He admitted to them, and told Peter that he’s been kicked out of home and is living with us. Peter then warned Adam that Luke Williams was on the warpath. Aiden's dad showed up at the school office, and he's taken Aiden out of school. Luke found Adam, but Peter and Michael O'Conner faced him and his cronies down. I thought there was going to be a fight, until Ian Ashton, the footy team's ruck-rover, showed up and forced Luke to back off. When I asked him why he was helping, he told us a story about working in a hostel with AIDS patients before Christmas. He's offered to break the teeth of anyone who interferes with Adam. Oh, and a couple of girls in our last class seem to have decided to start chasing Adam. They were asking him to go see a movie with them on Saturday.”
Laughing at Randy's obvious confusion at the rapid dump of the day’s events, I headed off to my room to dump my books and get changed. I knew my brother would be hassling Mum to have an early dinner so he could get the complete story as soon as possible. Having to wait drives him nuts.
My happy mood evaporated quickly as I stepped into my room. The pictures on my desk quickly reminded me of what I’ve lost with Liz. I knew I needed to sort myself out as soon as possible if I was going to have any chance of winning her back. Turning all of the pictures face down, I sat down and started work on those bits of homework that I knew wouldn't require much thinking.
At dinner I let Adam do most of the talking. I noticed as I sat at the table that he'd been crying, but the small smile he had on most of the time showed that the talk with my mum had gone well. If there was bad news, the good news clearly outweighed it.
Adam did a good job of explaining the day. The only way he strayed from the truth was in the way that he neglected to mention the two fights he and I’d had. The one before school started and the one at the end of lunchtime. I took that to mean that he was honouring the truce we agreed to at the end of school. While I had been prepared to get into trouble with my parents, I was relieved that I didn't have to worry about it.
The only real bit of talking I did was explaining the scene with Aiden's dad at the office, and my chat with the principal. I told them about how Mr. Pitt had been contacting the police station when I left, but as Aiden never reappeared, I guessed there wasn’t anything to keep Mr. Trent from taking his son out of school. Dad nodded, sadly. He said that as there didn’t appear to be any history of abuse, the school and police really didn’t have much option.
I also mentioned that Scott would be coming over later tonight to study. As our computer classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I would need his help next time he showed up, but not tonight. Tonight I'd just be tutoring him on English.
Randy asked about the guardianship papers, and Dad told him not to worry about them. Randy and I exchanged glances at that, and we both silently agreed that there had obviously been some sort of trouble. Adam on the other hand looked unconcerned, so maybe Mum had already filled him in on what was going on. It was very clear, though, that Dad didn't think it was any of our business, at least for now.
We had finished dinner and the cleanup afterwards, before Chris dropped Scott off.
“Hi, Break! Isn't Chris staying?” I asked.
“No. He's got a few things he wanted to get done. He said he'd come back around ten. That should be enough time to go over things, shouldn't it?”
“More than enough time!” I replied, smiling.
Settling ourselves at the kitchen table, we were joined by Randy and Adam. Even though he'd had the day off, it looked like Randy still had some long-term homework left over from the week before. As the others started on their work, I quickly reviewed his English notes with Scott to find out what he was up to, and where he needed some help. Overall, I thought he was doing quite well. The hardest bits were the clear thinking exercises, and learning to structure his essays.
Time went by quickly, and it was only when I glanced at the clock and noticed it was after eight, that I stopped.
“I think you have enough to work on for the moment, Break. Okay if I disappear for a while?” I asked.
“Sure,” he answered, puzzled. “What’s wrong?”
Glancing across to where Adam was doing his homework, I said, “I need to talk to Gazza. I know I have problems and I’m trying to talk to as many people as possible. Like I spoke to you, yesterday.”
As I stood up, I added, “The problem’s with me, not Adam, and I want to try to get it sorted out as soon as I can. Do you mind?”
Smiling, he waved at me to go. I could tell he approved of what I was trying to do. Adam and Randy both looked up at me as I started to move off, but they both returned to their homework before I could read anything in their expressions.
Grabbing the phone, I disappeared into my room. After closing the door, I sat on my bed and rang Gary.
“Hi, Gazza here.”
“Hi, Gazza. It’s Stick. Are you free to talk?”
“Sure, Stick! What do you want?” he replied.
I knew that working out how to start was always going to be the hardest part, no matter who I talked with about the Adam situation. Taking a deep breath, I dove right into the middle of the problem.
“I realised today that I’ve got a problem. Most people seem to be handling Adam being gay a lot better than I am. I’m trying to work out what I’m doing wrong. Do you think you can talk to me about it?”
There was silence at the other end of the phone for a long time. Just as I was going to say something, Gary started speaking.
“I have to admit that I’m uncomfortable with him too,” he said. “I don’t have to live with him, though, so it’s easier for me. Maybe we can help each other?”
“Sounds good to me. Shall I start, then?”
“Go ahead, Stick.”
“Okay. My opinion has gone up and down since Friday night when I found out. A lot of people have told me that he’s still the same guy we’ve been playing basketball with for a couple of years now. B2 told me that to him and B1, his being gay is just not important. They trust him enough that they’re sure he won’t try anything with them.”
Gary interrupted, “Trust. That’s the key, I think. Can we trust him? To trust someone, you have to know them. I don’t feel like I know him anymore.”
I considered what Gary had said. What does it take to know someone?
“I thought the same, but after I heard what he's been through, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He's been hurt real bad by this, and it's not something he has any control over. Did you know that he tried for almost two years to go straight?”
“Two years?” Gary exclaimed. “Shit! I never realised it went back that far. I thought this was all recent.”
“No. He told us on Saturday morning that he's known for just under two years. He only really accepted it himself at Christmas. Until then, he'd tried to deny it, to convince himself he wasn't gay.”
“So, we've been friends and teammates with a poof for two years, and didn't know it,” Gary mused. “That's going to take a bit to understand.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, either he's harmless or he's been biding his time,” Gary said. Then, as if struck by a sudden thought, he added, “Or maybe he's been using us as sex objects in his fantasies.”
“I didn't need that last one,” I said, gagging. “That's gross!”
“Yeah,” he agreed. He sounded a little sick as well. “What's he been thinking of doing to us as he jacks off?”
The images that came into my mind were so disgusting I almost threw up. Swallowing a few times, I forced myself to think of something more pleasant. My favourite fantasy sprang to mind.
“I'd much prefer to think about Kylie Minogue, thank you very much!” I said, trying to take my mind away from the images Gary had put there.
“You're a Kylie boy? Me, I much prefer Delta Goodrem,” Gary replied. He seemed to prefer the sudden change of topic as much as I did.
“She's not bad, but with Kylie, you also...” My voice faded as I realised what we were doing.
“Stick? What's up? What do you get with Kylie?” Gary asked.
“Shit, Gazza. Do you know what we were just doing?”
“Yeah. We were talking about our favourite jack off ... oh.” He paused. “I see what you mean. We were doing the same thing, weren't we? Imagining others as sex objects.”
“It's still disgusting to think about it, but we can't blame Adam if he does it, can we? As long as he keeps it to himself?” I asked.
“Let's be honest. He's more likely to be dreaming about Ryan Phillippe or The BackStreet Boys, anyway,” Gary joked.
“You don't think I'm as good looking as Ryan Phillippe?” I said, faking a hurt tone.
“Stick, how should I put this?” he started. “No. Now me, on the other hand, I'm definitely fantasy material,” he finished proudly.
“Horror movie material, maybe, but not fantasy material,” I shot back.
“Okay, if you've finished insulting me, shall we get back to the subject at hand?” he laughed.
I sighed, “Okay, but it's tough to talk about him.”
“If he's been gay for two years, and done nothing, I'd have to think he's harmless,” Gary conceded.
“That’s what I’ve been thinking as well. As Liz said to me...” I stumbled a bit as I recalled what a mess I'd made of that situation. “As she said, he's still the same guy who pulled me out of the creek last year.”
“So, you're going to be cool with Ads now?”
“I've still got another problem that I can't sort out,” I admitted.
“What's that?”
“There's something that's bothering me about Adam and Randy, but I don't know what it is.”
“Talk to me, mate,” Gary encouraged.
I sighed. “There's just something that strikes me as...” I searched for the right word. “Unnatural, in the way they are behaving to each other.”
“You know the rumour that was going around at the end of school today? That Giant's gay?” Gary asked, hesitantly. I could tell he was trying to disbelieve it.
“I hadn't heard it, but I expected it. I was in the office when Aiden's dad said that Randy is Adam's boyfriend. There was another kid there, and gossip like that is too good not to spread.”
“Do you think it might be true?” Gary said gently.
“I hope not,” I replied quietly, “but he's not doing anything to make me believe otherwise. He's acting like an over-protective boyfriend. He told me on Friday night that he’s not gay, but he's spent a lot of time with Adam since then.”
Talking about it, one of my fears about Adam finally came into focus. I could handle Adam being gay, but I was scared for my brother. Could Adam have turned him gay?
“Gazza, do you think that Giant's gay?” I asked. I half hoped he wouldn't answer.
“Stick, I would never have thought that Ads is gay. How am I supposed to know if Giant is?”
“Fair call, I suppose,” I answered, dejected. “Do you think that Adam might be turning him gay?”
“That's a harder one. Someone told me once that being gay is something you’re born with. If that's true, you can't turn someone gay. I just don't know if that's true or not. It's not something I've spent a lot of time asking about.”
“Then why is he acting like he is?” I pleaded.
There was a pause, and then I heard chuckling coming down the phone line.
“Stick! Have you ever considered how you look after Giant? It sounds like he's doing exactly the same things that you do when he needs help. If we didn't know you were brothers, we'd probably think you were his boyfriend! He's just being a normal member of the Johnson twins.”
“Mum said that he's learnt from me how to be protective. Giant's also called Adam his new brother so he's treating Adam the way he thinks a brother should be treated. Maybe that's all it is,” I mused.
“Stick, I'm sure that's all it is. You know your brother better than anyone. If he told you he isn’t gay, why can't you just believe him?”
“Because I'm scared that he's going to get hurt, regardless?” I answered softly.
Gary sighed. “He's a big boy, Stick. We can all protect him as much as we can, but he's going to have to stand on his own two feet sometimes. He's going to have it tough when he goes back to school, but from what I heard, Ian Ashton has threatened to have the entire football team bash anyone who touches Ads. He'll do the same for Giant, I'm sure.”
I laughed. “He never mentioned the rest of the team. He said he’d break the teeth of anyone who hurt Adam. He even made a point of checking on him before we got on the bus home.”
“You were there when it happened?” Gary asked, surprised.
“Yeah, I was. I was pretty surprised, too, at the things he said.”
“So, did he really have a boyfriend who died of AIDS at Christmas?” Gary asked eagerly.
“No,” I laughed. “The rumour mill has certainly gotten that one confused. His mum made him work with AIDS patients over summer and one in particular. That's the one who died at Christmas, and that's the one who taught Ian that gays are just normal people. I don't think Ian’s gay.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard so many wild rumours going around as I did at the end of school today,” Gary admitted. “And they all centre around Ads. There’s going to be a lot of confusion over the next few days until the truth starts filtering through.”
As I wondered what to say next, Gary continued hesitantly, “Stick, I even heard a rumour that you broke up with Liz because you’re gay too.” He quickly added, “Of course, I don’t believe that one at all, but I thought you should know.”
At the thought of Liz, a shudder ran through my body. Once I get myself sorted out with Adam, I need to work on reclaiming Liz. She had made it clear that I can’t have her back until then.
“Thanks, Gazza,” I said, appreciatively. “I half expected that one. If you don’t know what happened, it sort of makes sense, in a weird way. Just something else to put up with, I guess.”
“So, Stick. What are you going to do now?” Gary asked.
“I don't really have any choice, do I? I'm just going to have to trust Adam and Giant and keep my worries to myself,” I answered, resigning myself to the inevitable.
“My gut feeling is that you can trust them, Stick. Giant's very mature for his age, and we were just saying that Adam's harmless. What we need to do is to make sure they don't get hassled at school.”
“Yeah, but I don't have to like it,” I said, sadly.
“Oh, and Stick, if the worst thing happens...” Gary said, then paused.
“What?” I asked, worried when he didn't continue.
“I think Ads and Giant would make a wonderful couple,” he finished, laughing.
“You little shit!” I exclaimed, and then started laughing, too. “They might make a great couple, but that’s not something I'd wish on my brother.” I was glad Gazza had lightened things up. It really did help.
“Okay, I'll trust them. And we'll help them out as much as we can. Deal?” I asked Gary.
“Deal. I'll make a point of telling Ads myself tomorrow before school. Thanks, Stick. This has been a good call.”
“Thanks to you, too, Gazza. I think I've finally got myself sorted out. I'm going to go tell Adam, so we can start getting back to where we were before. Bye, Gazza.”
“See you tomorrow, Stick.”
Getting up from my bed, I felt as if a large burden has been lifted from me. I still had worries, but I could see which ones I could do something about, and which ones I just had to accept, and that made a huge difference. The best news was that all my serious worries about Adam were in the category that I just had to accept. They aren’t going to change, so I just have to take Adam as he is.
Back at the kitchen table, I was surprised to find Randy sitting by himself.
“Giant, do you know where Adam’s gone?” I asked.
“He and Scott headed off to my room. Break was going to show him how to do something on the computer as part of his homework,” Randy said, looking up from the pile of schoolbooks in front of him.
“Thanks. I’ve got something I need to say to Adam. I’ll be back soon.”
I was happy as I rushed, almost danced, down the hall. There was a good chance that everything could go back to normal. I felt I had a handle on what was going on, and I was ready to move forward.
I burst into the room, ready to tell Adam what I had decided, but the words died on my lips when I saw the scene in front of me.
Adam and Scott in an embrace.
Kissing.
I stood frozen as I watched the two kiss. For what seemed an eternity, they didn’t appear to notice me. When Scott’s eyes opened and he saw me standing there, the scene changed. Terror replaced the blissful expression that had been on his face. Breaking the kiss seemed to alert Adam, who half turned to see me standing in the doorway.
As they jumped apart, my body suddenly returned to life. Spinning quickly, I fled from the room and down the hall. Ignoring the cry of “What’s wrong?” from Randy, I burst through the kitchen and charged outside and started running.
There was a slight chill to the air, but it was not cold enough to bother me. Rather, it seemed to reflect my state of mind, as my body proceeded on autopilot. It was only as I found myself approaching the dam that anything like a rational thought emerged.
Scott’s gay!
I’d just gone through hell sorting myself out over Adam, and now I had my relationship with Scott to re-evaluate. My body started to tremble uncontrollably as I realised yet again that I don’t really know the people I call my friends.
While the moonlight illuminated the dam, the rock that forms my special resting place was still in shadow. Feeling it was strangely appropriate, I climbed up into the darkness and drew my legs up to my chest. Resting my head on my knees, I gazed back over the dam. My body was still shaking as I tried to calm down.
On Friday night I had spoken without thinking, and that had caused Adam a lot of pain. I didn’t want to do the same again, so I knew I needed to at least start sorting out what I felt about Scott before I spoke to him.
After my conversations with Gary, Michael and Brian over the last couple of days, I had slowly come to realise that my problems with Adam were not really with him being gay. Somehow, he had managed to interfere in my relationships with Liz and Randy, and that was the real source of our conflict. As long as Scott remained separate from those two, I shouldn't have a problem with him. The whole idea of being gay is something I still can’t understand, but that shouldn't stop me from maintaining my friendship with Scott.
Forcing myself to breathe slowly, I tried to let the noises of the night calm me down. I was surprised to realise that the normal small sounds were missing. The sound of someone moving through the trees was making all the animals keep silent.
Angry that someone had followed me down, I was surprised when Scott emerged from the trees and stood at the edge of the dam, looking around. Realising that he couldn’t see me in the shadows, I waited to see what he would do.
“Stick? Are you here?” he called out, tentatively.
Staying silent, I sat and watched him. He was nervous, that was obvious, but he seemed fearful as well. It was only as he turned away to leave that I saw that he was carrying a light jacket. As he was already wearing one, he had to have brought it down for me. Whether it was a peace offering or just being thoughtful, it showed he wasn't angry with me.
At that thought, I broke my silence.
“Break, I’m over here,” I said quietly, knowing that the sound would carry to where he stood.
He turned sharply back, and I could see him still trying to find where I was.
“On the rocks,” I called out. “Come sit up here with me. I think we need to talk.”
As he made his way around to where I was sitting, I examined him closely. Just like Adam, he appeared no different from the guy I’ve played basketball with for a couple of years now. Only now, I know something about him that I didn’t know before.
I reached out and helped him up onto the rock. Prior to this, the only person I’d ever shared it with was Liz, but that had been different. Oh, so different. Now I was sharing my private place with another guy. A guy who likes other guys.
I sighed. My world was changing, and I had no control over it. All I could try to do was to ride it out and hope that I’d be happy with where I ended up.
“David?” Scott asked, as he handed me the jacket.
As I put it on, I wondered how Scott had managed to imply so many things with that simple question. I chose to answer the easiest one first.
“You took me by surprise, Scott,” I said quietly. I gazed over the dam, rather than look at him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to look at him, but I just found it easier to talk that way. “I was just coming to terms with Adam. I came into the room to tell him that I thought I had finally sorted myself out, and then I found the two of you.”
“I’m sorry, Stick,” he mumbled, as he put a hand on my shoulder in apology.
Involuntarily, I stiffened at his touch. Before I could relax, he quickly dropped his hand. Even without looking, I could feel him cringe at my reaction.
“Sorry, Break,” I said, as I finally turned to look at him. Realising I had to do more, I put a hand on his shoulder, echoing what he had done to me. “I didn’t mean to do that. I just wasn’t expecting it.”
As I felt the tension slowly fade from him, I realised that Scott was petrified. Not merely scared, he was terrified of what was happening or could happen. Unlike Adam, who was confronting the world with a “Take me as I am” attitude, Scott was still hiding.
I knew what he really needed, but I couldn’t bring myself to put my arm across his shoulder to comfort him. That might imply things I didn’t mean. Instead, I kept my hand where it was and waited for him to relax.
“Before we go any further, let’s make sure I haven’t misunderstood things,” I suggested. “I’m assuming you’re gay. Am I right?” I asked, gently.
He nodded. The shadows prevented me from seeing anything clearly, but the way he jerked his head indicated how even that admission had been dragged out of him.
“And you didn’t really need my help with English. That was just an excuse to come over and see Adam, wasn’t it?” I continued. I tried to keep my tone soft, as I felt he’d bolt at any sign of aggression.
He nodded again.
Remembering his brother’s comments from before the game on Saturday, I said, “Chris told me he had recently found out that a mate of his is gay. That’s you, isn’t it?”
“He caught me looking at gay porn on the Internet. It was hard to deny,” he answered softly.
“Adam told us he’s known he’s gay for a couple of years. What about you?”
“I’ve felt different for at least five years. I really only put a name to it a bit over a year ago. I’m still having trouble accepting it in my heart, even though my head knows it’s real.”
I thought about that for a moment. The anguish he was feeling was obvious. If he’s confused and having trouble coping, I could easily make things worse without meaning to.
“Scott, I made a lot of mistakes when I found out about Adam. I’m trying to not do the same thing with you. If I say something wrong, please tell me straight away.”
“Thanks, Stick,” he replied quietly.
Dropping my hand, I turned back to looking over the dam. I could hear the sounds of the night beginning to re-emerge.
“Adam’s kept your secret pretty well. He never even hinted that you’re gay,” I said, admiringly.
“He didn’t know.”
I quickly twisted around to look at Scott.
“He didn’t?” I asked, surprised. “But tonight? In Randy’s room?”
“I’d only just told him. It’s taken me two days to build up my courage enough to say something,” he said quietly. I could hear fear in his voice. He was still afraid of what was happening. “Chris keeps telling me it’s going to be okay, but it’s still been hard.”
“So, Chris is cool with all of this?”
“Yeah. He keeps telling me that he thinks Adam’s a great guy. He told me off last night as he took me home because I’d chickened out and hadn’t said anything.”
“And your parents? What do they think?”
Scott didn’t answer that one immediately. When I sensed him tensing up again, I guessed the answer that eventually came.
“They don’t know,” he whispered.
As I absorbed this bit of news, Scott started sobbing quietly. It was slowly sinking in what a traumatic time this was for Scott and probably for Adam too. Scott must be terrified of what his parents’ reaction will be. After what happened to Adam, he has reason to be.
As I watched Scott change from a confident teenager into a frightened boy, I felt my heart go out to him. He was showing me what he was feeling, even if he was doing it involuntarily, and his plight touched me in a way that Adam’s never had.
Taking a deep breath, I reached out, put my arm across his shoulder, and pulled him towards me. I’d deal with any consequences later. At that moment, he just needed someone. I had ruined my chances to help Adam, but maybe I could make amends by helping Scott.
I didn’t say anything as I held him. I just couldn’t think of what to say. Comforting a guy who’s afraid of what is going to happen because he’s gay is just too far outside of my experience.
His sobs gradually slowed down. When he straightened up and wiped his hand across his eyes, I let him go. Still watching him, I waited until he was ready to talk again.
“Thanks, Stick,” he eventually said.
“Glad I could help, Break,” I replied gently. “Do you want to keep on talking?”
“I think so,” he answered, hesitantly. “I’m just a bit of a wreck at the moment. I didn’t expect to break down like that.”
“That’s okay. I think I’m beginning to understand a little of what you’re going through. I’ll never understand completely, but you’re afraid of what’s going to happen, aren’t you?”
He nodded his head. “I look at what happened to Adam, and what Ian told us about that Craig guy, and I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my family,” he finished, forlornly.
“Cheer up!” I said, trying to inject some enthusiasm into what I was saying. “You’ve got Chris on your side, and you’ll always be welcome here. And not everyone’s family is like Adam’s or Aiden’s. Look at my family. Look at Ian’s. You don’t have to expect the worst!”
“I don’t think you understand, David,” Scott said quietly as he stared over the dam. “This is something that can only be done once. There won’t be a second chance. Once people know, that’s it. There's no turning back.”
“I think I see,” I replied, as I turned back to watch the moonlight over the dam. “I remember how nervous I was when I introduced Liz to my family. And that was about something that isn’t permanent. It must be a hundred times worse for you each time you tell someone, or someone finds out. You're right, I don't think I'll ever understand, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it.”
“I've told one person, and two others have found out. I've been lucky so far, but will that continue?”
There was nothing I could say to that. The question wasn't really addressed to me anyway. As I sat and thought about what was going on, something struck me as a bit strange.
“Break, why are you here and not Adam? And shouldn't you be talking to him about these things? He’s your boyfriend now, isn’t he?”
“I don’t know about the boyfriend part. It’s a bit of jump from best friend to boyfriend. Neither of us know any other gay guys, and we know each other pretty well, so I’m hopeful. He's still very angry at you though, Stick. After you walked in on us, I just had to see how that’s going to change things. Adam told me to leave you alone, but I couldn't. Giant said you'd probably be down by the dam, so that's why I'm here.”
Curious about my brother, I asked, “What did you tell Randy?”
“Nothing for the moment. I sort of promised I’ll tell him when I get back. I'm not looking forward to that,” he answered quietly.
I laughed. “He's probably the safest person in the world to tell. Look at how well he's dealt with Adam! You don’t have to worry about telling him.”
“Yeah, I know. But it's still that 'only one chance' thing. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable telling anyone,” he replied, despondently.
“You’re going to have to sort something out about that if you want to have a chance with Adam. It’s going to be hard to be a couple without letting other people know that you’re gay,” I pointed out.
“Don’t remind me. I’m scared enough as it is. But I really want things to work out with Ads. I’ve been thinking about it ever since he told me.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes longer and then Scott spoke up again.
“Stick, I have to ask you something. Please don't get angry,” he pleaded.
Wondering what it was he wanted to ask, I replied amiably, “Sure, Break. Ask away.”
“You and Adam seem to hate each other’s guts at the moment. Why don't you hate me as well?”
I sensed, rather than saw, the tension in Scott as he waited for my reply. He was ready to bolt if I said the wrong thing.
“I don't know how much Adam has told you, but I didn't handle the news at all well when I found out about him. I said a lot of things that should never have been said. It took me a while, but I eventually realised that I'm not really bothered by his being gay.” I quickly added, “I don't understand it, but it's not really bothering me.”
“Then what's the problem?” he asked, still tense.
“On his side, he still hasn't forgiven me for what I said on Friday night. On my side, I only worked it out tonight, after talking it through with Gazza. Somehow, and it's probably mostly my fault, Adam has messed up things between me and Randy and me and Liz. Because I didn't understand it, I've been blaming him for my problems. I was actually going in to tell him that and to try to fix things up, but I found you guys kissing.”
“So you’re fine with me being gay?” he asked, anxiously.
I smiled. I knew he couldn't see it in the shadows, but I hoped he could he hear it in my voice.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said. “Just don't rub my nose in it. I don't really want to know any details about your sex life.”
I heard a soft chuckle. “My non-existent sex life? I think I can avoid telling you about that,” he said.
“Then I think we have a deal. Let’s go back to the house.”
“Okay,” he said, as he stood up.
Heading back, I remembered part of the conversation I'd had with Gary. I knew I shouldn't ask, but my curiosity got the better of me.
“Scott, while I was talking to Gazza, we touched on our favourite fantasies. Mine is Kylie, but neither one of us was sure who’s hot for a gay guy. You don't have to answer, but I was just wondering...”
He laughed. “After telling me you don't want to hear about my sex life, you want to know about my sexual fantasies?”
I raised my hands to fend off what was coming. “Okay, okay! Yeah, that was weird. Just forget I asked!”
“Nah. I've never told anyone, and you made the mistake of asking. Time to suffer the consequences,” he said, happily.
“I don't know about other gay guys, but for me it’s Ian Roberts.”
“Who? Never heard of him,” I said, puzzled.
“Not really surprising, as he's a former rugby player from New South Wales,” he explained. “Rugby's not that popular here in Melbourne.”
“Rugby!” I exclaimed. “What's wrong with an Aussie Rules player?”
“Nothing, but I don't know of any gay footy players. Ian's Australia's only top-level sportsman to come out as being gay. He did it while he was still playing, and went on to captain the North Queensland Cowboys. He also played for Australia thirteen times. He finally retired in 1999. As I know Ian's gay, I can always dream I have a chance with him. He's already got a boyfriend, but hey, we're talking fantasies anyway. Like you'd have any chance with Kylie Minogue,” he finished, laughing.
“Does this mean you're a rugby fan? You certainly know a lot about it.”
“Nah. Only about Ian Roberts. He's been one of the things that's always given me hope that I'll eventually be alright. After all, rugby's always been considered to be a very macho sport. If a gay guy can play the game at the top level and be generally accepted, then maybe I can make it in normal life. At times, I've really needed that hope,” he finished quietly.
I didn’t know what to say to that, and Scott didn’t say more, so we walked the rest of the way back to the house in silence. I had learnt more than I had expected in that short conversation. Scott only seems to be interested in other gay guys, which was good to hear. But disturbingly, it sounded like he suffers bouts of severe depression about being gay. With the research Randy and I had recently done on suicide risk factors, I started to wonder how depressed he really does get. He had never shown it before, but then I was finding out that there is an entire side to Scott that I'd never known existed.
When we walked into the house, I was still wondering what to do. Distracted by my thoughts, I was startled when Adam and Randy ambushed us.
Adam took one look at Scott's face, and then turned on me in fury.
“You're an utter bastard, David! What have you done to him? Couldn't you have kept your bloody mouth shut for once in your fucking life?” he yelled at me.
Bewildered by this verbal assault, I turned to look at Scott. He seemed thrown by Adam's reaction as well. Then I noticed that Scott's eyes were still red, and you could see tear tracks on his face. It was obvious that he'd been crying.
Adam grabbed Scott by the arm and started to pull him down the hall. “Come on, Scott. I won't let that bastard do anything more to you,” he said firmly.
Too slow to react, I just watched as the two headed off, Adam almost dragging Scott away. My parents came out of the living room as they went past, but Adam ignored their questions about what was going on. Only when Mum and Dad came down to the kitchen to speak to me did I pull myself back together.
“David, can you please explain what is going on?” Dad demanded. He looked angry, but he didn't appear to be blaming anyone, yet.
Mum kept sending worried glances down the hall as she waited for my answer. Randy’s face was still distorted from the broken nose, but I could tell he wasn't happy with me, either.
“Dad, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. Only Scott can do that. It's not my place to say anything. All I can say is that I didn’t do anything to upset Scott. I was just able to be there for him,” I explained, praying for them to believe me.
“Then why did you go charging out of here so suddenly? And then Scott and Adam came chasing after you. It certainly looked suspicious,” Randy accused.
“Sorry, I can't tell you. Scott has to do that. I'd love to tell you, but I can't. Please believe me?” I pleaded to Randy.
He stared back to me for a moment before looking back to Dad. When I turned as well, I found Dad staring down the hall to where Adam and Scott had disappeared. When he started to head down to find them, I acted.
Stepping forward, I grabbed Dad by the arm. “Dad, wait! Give them some time alone, please? I'm sure Scott is telling Adam what he needs to know, and then he'll come out again.” I winced internally at my poor choice of words, but hopefully no one noticed the Freudian slip.
Stopping, he looked back at me. “Okay, David,” he said quietly, “but there had better be a good explanation for all of this. You're currently on very thin ice, young man,” he finished sternly.
While we waited, I looked at the schoolbooks on the table. Quickly deciding that I was in no mood for homework, I headed over to the kettle and started to make myself a cup of coffee and cups of tea for Mum and Dad. I didn’t know how long Adam and Scott would be, but I knew having a hot drink would help calm my parents.
By this stage, Randy had abandoned any pretence of doing homework. After packing up his books, he alternated between staring at me and staring down the hall. Mum had grabbed the newspaper and was seated opposite Randy. Dad and I were still standing, sipping our drinks.
That’s how we were when Scott and Adam reappeared.
Obviously startled at the attention that was suddenly focused on them, they paused before continuing into the kitchen.
“David, I owe you an apology,” Adam said, eyes downcast.
“That’s okay, Adam. I can imagine how it looked. Forget it,” I answered.
“Now will someone tell the rest of us what is going on?” Dad asked, eyeing Adam, Scott and me. His no-nonsense tone clearly indicated he was in no mood for excuses.
As one, Adam and I looked at Scott, who seemed to shrink into himself.
“Sorry, Scott. I told them that only you can say what’s going on,” I said, apologetically.
As he looked from face to face, I could see the fear in his eyes. I was trying to find some way out of this for him, when Adam stepped up and whispered something in his ear.
Scott looked at Adam, and then nodded. Smiling, Adam put an arm across Scott’s shoulder and turned to face everyone.
“I’d like to introduce you to my new boyfriend,” Adam stated proudly.
I almost laughed at the reactions. Randy’s jaw dropped so far that I’m surprised it wasn’t dislocated. Mum simply froze. Dad was so stunned that he forgot he was holding a cup of tea and ended up spilling the hot drink onto his pants. While he jumped around before grabbing a towel to dry himself, I walked over to the new couple.
“Congratulations, Adam,” I smiled, as I held out my hand.
He scowled at me before shaking my hand. He squeezed hard, but with an effort, I didn’t let anything show on my face.
“Well done, Scott,” I said, after Adam released his grip. “I know it was hard for you to let Adam say that.”
“What would you know?” Adam demanded.
I looked at him for a moment. Even though he was beginning to get on my nerves, I knew at the bottom of my heart that it was because I'd hurt him badly. Struggling to control my temper, I responded.
“Scott and I had a long talk when we were outside. No, I don't understand, you're right there, but I do appreciate something about how hard it must be.”
“Ads, let it be,” Scott said gently. “I know you and Stick are having problems at the moment, but just let it rest for now. Please?”
Adam's scowl faded to a soft smile as he looked at his boyfriend. “Okay, Break,” he said quietly.
Randy's mouth was still hanging open. I don't think he'd moved more than his head as he kept looking between Scott and me. Mum had a faint smile on her face as she looked thoughtfully at Scott and Adam. Dad, having calmed down from spilling his drink, was gazing off into the distance, looking worried.
“Dad, what's wrong?” I asked.
He focused back on me and smiled. “I think I've missed a parenting class somewhere along the line. I know what talk to give when one of my sons brings home a girlfriend,” he said, grinning as I shuffled my feet in memory of that talk, “but I don't think I know what talk to give when one of my sons brings home a boyfriend.” Still grinning, he looked over at Scott and Adam. “I'm going to have to think about that one for a while.”
Randy finally piped up. “Stick, you knew, didn't you?” he accused.
“Yeah, I did,” I admitted, grinning.
“When?”
“Just before I raced outside.” I paused as I worked out what I should say next. “I caught them kissing in your room.”
He blanched. “My room?” Turning to Scott and Adam, he demanded, “What have you two been up to?”
“Just kissing, Giant,” Adam responded, defensively. “Nothing more than that.”
“And that's enough for the moment,” Mum interrupted smoothly, as she stood up. “We'll work out some ground rules later. For now, come here you two. I want to give you both a big hug.”
As first Adam and then Scott hugged my mum, I noticed she whispered something to each of them. Adam seemed to take it in his stride, but Scott pulled away from her looking startled. He then smiled and gave her another hug.
While they were occupied, I pulled Randy across into the corner.
“Randy, Scott isn't ready for everyone to know yet,” I whispered. “Can you keep it quiet?”
“Okay,” he whispered back. Glancing over to where Adam was staring at Scott with a goofy grin, he continued, “But Adam is going to make it hard to keep it a secret if he keeps that up.”
Needless to say, we didn't get back to our homework after that. A question from Mum brought out the fact that Scott's parents don’t know yet. This time, Adam got to comfort Scott as he began to shudder with fear. It didn't take Adam long to calm him down, but I could see that Scott was still very much afraid of people finding out.
While Adam was calming Scott, I filled Mum, Dad and Randy in on the rumours that Gary had told me about. In particular, the rumour about Randy being gay.
Randy laughed. “I told you before, Stick. I'm not gay!”
“Yeah, but that won't stop people from believing the stories,” I replied.
“Listen to him, Giant,” Adam said from where he was standing with Scott, surprising both Randy and me. “You're going to be hassled, bumped and ostracized all day. When you're not being ignored, you're going to be constantly fending off extremely personal questions and remarks. This is no laughing matter,” he finished seriously.
“Yeah, but my friends aren't going to believe it,” he insisted.
“Trust me, Randy,” Adam said, as he left Scott to stand directly in front of my brother. “Even if they don't believe it, they're not going to act as if nothing has changed. They won't know what to believe, and that'll confuse them.”
I could tell that Randy wasn't sure, but a seed of doubt had been planted. I just hoped that it would be enough to make sure he wasn't too rash tomorrow.
Before anyone could say anything else, we heard a knock at the door. As we all turned to see who it was, Scott's brother Chris walked in.
“Hi, y'all,” he smiled. “I know I'm a little early, but I was bored at home. If you haven't finished your homework yet, I can wait.”
“No, we're all finished,” I said. “We were just talking about school, that's all.”
I could see Chris asking a silent question of Scott. It was then I realised that neither Scott nor I had mentioned that Chris knows that Scott's gay. Curious as to what he'd say, I kept quiet as my mum asked Chris if he'd like a cup of tea or coffee.
After Scott shook his head, Chris scowled for a second. Wiping that expression from his face, he turned to where my mum and dad stood. “A cup of coffee would be great. Thanks, Mrs. Johnson,” he answered with a smile.
Seeing Scott's faint smile, I knew he was up to something. Catching my eye, he shook his head. I grinned in reply, and retreated further into the corner. This would either be a big anti-climax, or extremely entertaining.
With his brother's back turned, Scott moved over to Adam and put an arm across his shoulder. Scott started to whisper something to Adam, but I'm sure that from the other side, it would have looked like a kiss on the cheek. I saw my dad suddenly become a little panicky. When Chris started to turn around, Dad quickly caught his attention.
“So, Chris. What did you think of the cricket today?”
Now my dad is not usually a cricket fan. He can talk about it when he needs to, but I've never heard him start a conversation about cricket. Meanwhile, Randy's head snapped around to where Chris was standing before looking back to Scott and Adam. From where I was standing, I saw him kick Adam. “Ouch! What was that for?” Adam exclaimed, as Scott stepped away.
“What do you mean?” Randy asked, innocently, while trying to signal to Adam by tilting his head to where Chris was sitting.
“You kicked me,” Adam said, beginning to get annoyed, not picking up on the signs from Randy.
By this time, Chris had turned to see what was going on.
“I certainly did not!” Randy stated.
“Yes you did! There wasn't anyone else it could have been.”
“It's okay, Ads,” Scott interrupted. “I'll make it better.”
He then stepped back up to Adam, leant over and kissed him on the cheek.
Randy's jaw fell to the floor again. Adam went a bright red, and Mum dropped her cup onto the kitchen bench. Dad stood frozen, with one hand reaching out to Chris.
Chris stood there, stunned for a moment, before he turned on Scott.
“You bastard!” he yelled, and then went as red as Adam. Turning back to my mum and dad, he apologised, “Sorry, I didn't mean to swear. I'll just take my idiot brother home now.”
Scott and I couldn't help ourselves. We doubled over with laughter. Part of it was hysteria, and part of it was just a release of emotion after a stressful evening, but regardless, we just couldn't stop laughing.
Glaring at the two of us, Chris asked, “So does this mean that you finally told them?”
Still laughing, Scott said, “No.” When Chris looked confused, he added, “I let Adam tell them.”
Turning his back on the two of us in disgust, Chris spoke to my dad, “Just to make sure these clowns don’t try to confuse us again, will you tell me what he’s told you?”
Dad looked thoughtfully at Chris, but didn’t answer until he saw Scott wave at him to indicate that it was okay.
“Scott’s actually correct. He hasn’t told us anything. Instead, Adam introduced him as his boyfriend.”
Chris pumped his fist. “Yes!”
“And what do you know?” Dad asked, politely.
“I found out a few weeks ago that Scott’s gay. Since we found out about Adam, I’ve been hassling Scott to tell Adam, but he’s been too scared. To the best of my knowledge, no one else knows,” Chris answered. Frowning at where Scott and I were slowly recovering from our laughing fit, he added, “Though if he tries this again, I just might tell everyone, so I don’t have to go through it again.”
Scott sobered up instantly. “No!” he exclaimed, his terror obvious.
Chris smiled, “Just kidding, Scotty boy. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“So, where to from here?” Dad asked.
Everyone fell silent as we just looked at each other. What was the next step? Adam, through no real fault of his, was well and truly out. Scott, on the other hand, was well and truly still in the closet. How were they going to manage a relationship like that?
“Break,” I piped up, “I think I’m going to need lots of tutoring in Computer Studies. Do you think you can manage to get here most nights? Oh, and with the finals coming up, you’ll probably need to be here on weekends for basketball practice. What do think?”
Seeming hopeful, he looked at Chris. Seeing him smile, Scott turned back to me. “Sure thing, Stick!”
“Chris, what are your parents going to say if Scott is over here all the time?” Mum asked.
Chris looked thoughtfully at me. “David’s come up with some pretty good reasons for Scott to be here, at least for the next few weeks. If we still need excuses after that, we’ll think again. But until then it should be fine.”
“We’ll need to decide what to do about B1 and B2. They’re over here a lot,” Randy commented. Smiling at Scott, he added, “Given how they handled Ads, they should be cool with you too, Break.”
Scott looked nervous. “I’d prefer that they didn’t find out, at least for a while.”
“I understand, Break, but the more people to run interference, the easier it’ll be for you,” I said. When he looked blankly at me, I explained, “The more people there are hanging around Adam, the less chance there is that someone will notice that you’re always with him. As long as you can trust them, you’ll get more time with Adam without stress. Private time will have to wait until you’re here, but you can’t spend all your time lip-locked with him, anyway.”
He smiled at Adam. “Oh, I don’t know. Sounds like a good idea to me!” Turning back to me, he continued, “But I understand what you’re saying. Just give me some time to think about it?”
Adam broke in, looking puzzled, “David, why are you being so nice to Scott when you’ve been such a bastard to me?”
Glancing around, I found myself the centre of everyone’s attention. Scott gave me a small smile of encouragement, and with that I turned back to face Adam.
“We got off to a really bad start on Friday night, Adam, and I apologise again for that. Then Randy got hurt, and I blamed you. I know now that wasn’t fair, but that’s what I did. It’s taken me awhile, but I’ve finally realised that my problems with you are not really with you being gay. The problems of the last few days have been because somehow you’ve been messing up my relationships with Liz and Randy.” Before he could respond, I raised a hand. “Yes, I know that’s not your fault either, but I blamed you anyway. After having long talks with Michael today, and Gazza tonight, I’ve come to realise that. That’s why I barged into the room earlier tonight. I was going to tell you this.”
Looking over at Scott, I smiled. Brian was right. Scott and Adam as a couple were easier to handle than Adam by himself. My worries about Randy seemed to diminish.
Turning back to Adam, I said, “I’ll admit it was a shock to find out about Break, but I’m getting over that now. B2 said it would be easier if you had a boyfriend, and strangely, it does seem easier. So, I’m trying to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes with Break that I did with you. Does that make sense to you?”
Adam stared at me for a long time. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for his response. Still silent, he stood up and walked over to look out the kitchen window. The moonlight gave a soft glow to the countryside. Knowing from experience how restful it could be just gazing out, I waited.
“Okay,” he finally said in a soft voice. “You still have no idea what you did to me on Friday, and that’s going to take a long time to get over, but I’m willing to give you another chance.” Turning back, he stared at me with narrowed eyes. “I still can’t call you a friend. You’ve got a lot to prove before we can get back to that,” he added, firmly.
“Fair enough,” I replied, walking forward. “The ball's now in my court to prove my words with actions.”
I held out my hand to him. As I waited anxiously, he just looked at it. Finally, he reached out, nodding his head.
We shook hands.
Lying in bed that night, I thought about the days ahead. Adam and Scott still have a long way to go before they can settle down and just be a couple. Even if there weren’t outside pressures on them, they’re just starting out. I crossed my fingers for them as I hoped they will be happy together. We still didn't know how Scott's parents would react to the news, but with Chris on Break's side, I'm sure sanity will reign.
School was a big unknown. There were people like Ian who had come out of nowhere to support Adam, but others like Luke who were looking to make trouble. Today had just been the opening act. I was sure that there was a lot more trouble to come before Adam and Scott would be accepted at school. I hoped that the rumours about Randy would die quickly, but the next few days could be rough for him.
I wondered what was happening with Aiden. The logical place for him to be going to school now was the same public school as B1 and B2, but I wouldn't put it past Mr. Trent to send him somewhere further away. I'm sure the twins will let us know if he shows up there. Until then, there’s nothing we can do. I made a note to myself to try to find out when the trial will be. If Aiden's dad is put away, maybe Aiden can come back to school with us.
I suddenly remembered that my parents didn't have the guardianship papers signed. Did this mean that Adam could be leaving us at any time? Surely he couldn't be forced back to where his dad could have another go at him? I sighed as I realised that there were too many things I didn't know. Until something changes, I’ll just have to assume that Adam is staying.
Finally, I let my thoughts drift to Liz. She had told me that I had to look after Adam. I'm starting to do that now. Does this mean I have a chance of winning her back? Or have I burnt that bridge down? Should I try to talk to her tomorrow, or should I wait until she can see that I’m helping Adam?
One step at a time. While I want to get back with Liz so badly that it hurts, I have to mend my fences with Adam first. He’s family now. I have to prove I’m a friend, as well.
My last thought as I drifted off to sleep was that there are some interesting times ahead for all of us.
As we waited for the bus to take us to school on Tuesday morning, I watched Randy and Adam chatting. Even though his black eyes and swollen nose were not as prominent as they had been on Sunday, my brother still looked grotesque. Despite that, he exuded a cheerfulness that ran counter to his appearance.
Adam was obviously nervous. Each time he glanced in my direction I gave him a smile of encouragement, but I could tell he still didn’t know if he could trust me. Considering what I’d put him through, that was understandable. I thought we’d made some progress, but given that we hadn’t been talking just twenty-four hours prior, it was too much to expect that our immediate history would be forgotten so soon.
It was going to be Adam’s real first day as an “out” student at school. The previous day had just been the warm-up – the introduction to the main event. He was nervous, but so was I. I think I kept it off my face, but waves of terror kept sweeping through me as I thought about all the things that could go wrong. Randy was the only one who didn’t seem to be concerned.
As the bus arrived, we picked up our school bags and prepared to board. Hesitating, I turned to Adam.
“Do you want to sit anywhere in particular?” I asked.
He started biting his lower lip as he thought about the options. Setting his mouth into a firm line, he nodded his head, as if to himself.
“Somewhere in the middle; I’m not going to hide,” he stated firmly. He then ruined his appearance of confidence by looking for reassurance from my brother and me. Naturally, we both gave him grins in return. It seemed a good choice. The front is where it’s safest, as it’s near the driver. The back is where you go to hide or to get up to mischief.
As the bus doors opened, I entered first. Taking in the scene at a glance, I saw the usual set of students, all of them staring at us. Somehow, I doubted it was because of the way Randy looked.
Moving down the aisle, I came to the where a year 12 student, the only older kid on the bus, was slouched in the middle of a seat. Though he’s been on the same bus as us for as long as I can remember, I didn’t know his name. With a few exceptions, most students don’t chat outside their own class. It’s only when there are outside interests, like our basketball team, or Ian’s concern for Adam, that communication starts to flow across the years.
The guy didn’t look hostile; it was more the stare you’d give an interesting and unusual bug. I wasn’t sure if I was being brave or if it was just bravado, but I decided to make a stand.
“Is this seat taken?” I asked him politely.
Surprised, he glanced around at all the empty seats around us, before looking back at me.
“No,” he said, dragging the word out, as if to ask me what it was I trying to do.
“Good,” I said, and started to sit next to him. He quickly moved over to the window to give me room. Randy and Adam took the seat on the other side of the aisle, with Randy by the window.
As the bus pulled out, I heard Randy call out to the other kids at the back of the bus.
“Hi, guys! How’s it going?”
Twisting around, I saw the two students exchange a glance before giving Randy a nervous wave. It was obvious that they didn’t know what to say. I saw Randy frown slightly before he turned back towards the front. Those kids’ reaction wasn’t what he’d expected. Adam had tried to tell him that things would be different because of the rumours, but I don’t think Randy had taken the advice to heart. It looked like he was starting to understand how much things had changed.
Turning to the guy next to me, I held out a hand and said, “Hi, I’m David, though most people call me Stick.”
He cautiously shook my hand. “Harrison.”
“Hi, Harrison!” I said cheerfully, trying to put him at ease. “You’ve obviously heard some rumours, so why don’t you just ask me for the truth? That way you’ll know what’s going on before anyone else.”
He gave me an unreadable look. I could sense he was trying to edge away from me. If it hadn’t been for the seriousness of what I was trying to do, I would’ve laughed. He out-weighs me by a huge amount, yet he seemed scared of me.
“Are you trying to come on to me?” he asked tentatively.
“Okay, rumour number one,” I sighed. “No, I’m not gay. I’m straight. My friend, Adam, however, is gay. He’s been kicked out of his home because of it, so he’s staying with my brother and me.”
I could see curiosity warring with his instinct to mind his own business.
“Why are you telling me this?” he eventually asked.
Being honest with myself, I realised that I really didn’t know the answer to that one. I hadn’t intended to force a conversation with him when I had entered the bus, but some of Adam’s take-me-as-I-am attitude must have rubbed off on me. Rather than wait for the battle to come to us, I had elected to get in the first blow.
“Because you’ve obviously heard something, and I wanted to make sure it was the right story. Adam is going to have a hard time today. If I can make his life easier by getting the true story out, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
“You seem pretty relaxed about it,” Harrison commented neutrally.
I gave a short laugh. “I’ve been anything but relaxed. I had a really bad weekend over this issue, but I think I can understand Adam better now. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve gone through on anyone.”
He looked at me, obviously puzzled. He opened his mouth but then slammed it shut. He then effectively terminated the conversation by turning away.
I thought of trying to explain my last comment, but I didn’t think I could. After thinking about it, I just gave up. Harrison had been told the true story and I hoped he’d pass it on.
“Thanks, David,” Adam muttered from across the aisle.
When I turned my head to look at him, he gave me a small nod of appreciation. His expression was still one of resolution, but I could tell that was because he was still trying to psych himself up for the day ahead. His eyes glazed over as he returned to looking to the front of the bus. His mind was clearly not focused on the world around him.
If I were a psychology or sociology student, observing the range of behaviours as the other students boarded the bus would’ve been interesting. As it was, I was only interested in those who reacted negatively or strangely. I ignored the ones who seemed just curious or indifferent.
Trying to figure out the emotional responses of people I’m not familiar with is fraught with peril, but I was reasonably sure that there were only three students – two girls who got on together and a guy who got on a bit later – who gave overtly hostile glares at Adam. Those three were older students. There were a couple of younger kids who could only be described as scared, which was understandable if they thought that Adam was going to jump them. I hoped that over time they would realise that he’s not like that, remembering that that had been one of my concerns initially, too.
A number of people made disparaging remarks to each other as they passed us, but they didn’t direct them at Adam; they were all about poofs or queers in general. I was going to say something to the first pair of guys who said something like that, but Adam caught my eye and shook his head.
More disturbing was the reaction of a couple of Randy’s classmates. To his cheerful “Hi” they gave a curt, almost-rude response, and quickly moved on to the back of the bus. He twisted to watch them disappear, then turned back towards the front. He hadn’t expected that and was clearly perplexed. I found it more worrying than puzzling. The rumour mill had spread Aiden’s dad’s comment about Randy being Adam’s boyfriend and a lot of people seemed to have taken it to heart. In hindsight, Adam and Randy’s sitting together in the bus hadn’t been a smart move.
Rick’s reaction was encouraging, though. He made a point of saying hello to both Randy and Adam. He said that he hoped Randy would be okay for the basketball finals, as it wouldn’t be the same for them to beat us if he wasn’t there. Randy quickly retorted that he’d be ready, and it wouldn’t be us that would be losing. It looked like Rick was at least one person who had decided that things hadn’t changed.
I decided that if the people on the bus were indicative of the rest of the school, only a small minority of the student body would be hostile to Adam. I knew we’d still need to watch out for the arseholes, but I hoped the school policies on bullying and aggression would keep most of them under control. There would probably be a large group who would think of Adam as being fair game for teasing and abuse, but I thought they wouldn’t go out of their way to make trouble. The majority would just ignore him, as they’ve always done.
I was feeling a sense of mild optimism when we exited the bus. There was going to be trouble, that was obvious, but I didn’t think it would be a calamity. As long as enough people supported Adam, I thought things should be okay.
Glancing around the schoolyard, I felt my hands start to shake and my breath go short. I saw Liz talking to some of her girlfriends. I wondered if it was too early to tell her that I’d started looking out for Adam. That was what she had wanted me to do, and the issue we had broken up over.
I was vaguely aware of Randy and Adam saying something to me, but I wasn’t listening. I only had one thing in my sight and mind. Dragging myself reluctantly forward, I started to walk towards Liz. Trying to mentally prepare what I was going to say, all I could come up with was a lame “I’m sorry.”
Before I could reach her, another figure appeared in front of me, as if by magic.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” asked Fiona Britton, disgust dripping from every word.
“I need to speak to Liz,” I replied simply. Fiona was not the person I had to speak to.
As I tried to step around her, she moved to intercept me.
“Well, she doesn’t need to speak to you,” Fiona spat at me. As I flinched at her tone, she added, “Don’t you think you’ve done enough already? Keep away from her and she’ll be happy, okay?”
I swayed on my feet as I tried to absorb what she was saying, wondering if I was too late.
Fiona stuck her face in front of mine, leaving only inches between us. “Okay?” she repeated forcibly.
“Okay,” I sighed. With my shoulders slumping and my head hanging, I slunk away. Fiona had delivered the message that Liz didn’t want me. My ex-girlfriend clearly hated me so much that she couldn’t even let me speak to her. I would have to find time to rebuild my life without Liz, but I wasn’t in the mood to start just then.
Lifting my head, I scanned around for Adam. Even if Liz and I were finished, I was going to honour her last request of me. It was the right thing to do, anyway.
I spotted Adam talking with a couple of girls. Randy had disappeared, probably to find his friends. Wandering over, I forced my depression into a corner of my mind. I needed to do one thing at a time. I would sort myself out over Liz later.
As I approached, I recognised Maise and Helen, the two girls who had accosted Adam in our last history class. I thought Adam might need rescuing again.
“Hi, David,” Adam said cheerfully as I joined them. Unlike his previous encounter with them, he didn’t seem stressed by the girls.
“G’day, Helen, Maise. Looking forward to another dreary day of having facts pounded into our heads?” I asked, forcing myself to appear happy to see them. Adam didn’t seem to need help, but a change of topic wouldn’t have hurt, anyway.
“Oh, hi, David,” Helen said with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. “We were just asking Adam about his plans for the weekend.”
“I was telling them that I’m going to be busy this weekend, but I thanked them for the offer to go out,” Adam explained to me. Turning back to girls, he continued, “Perhaps sometime over Easter? I’m a little new to this, but maybe you can suggest somewhere we could all go to check out some cute guys? I’m looking forward to being able to really look at boys without worrying if anyone is going to spot me. Who knows? I might find myself a boyfriend!”
I rocked back at that, and the two girls were clearly shocked as well. This was just so different to the Adam of the day before, I couldn’t believe it. It was as if he had taken some mood-altering drugs. Nothing else seemed to explain the sudden change. I’ve heard stories about how gays will go for anything in pants, but I hadn’t expected Adam to be like that. It was less than a day since he’d gotten himself a boyfriend, and he was already talking about looking around for someone else.
“Maybe some other time, then,” Maise said quickly. After sharing a glance with Helen, she added, “We have to get going. We’ll see you around, Adam. You too, Stick.”
Adam kept a straight face until the girls had disappeared into the mob of students waiting to start school. He then broke out in a huge grin. “That was fun. I think they honestly believed that I wanted to go out looking at guys with them!”
“What was all that about?” I asked, perplexed. “Yesterday you were like a frightened rabbit around them.”
Adam looked around quickly to make sure we wouldn’t be overheard. Even so, he leant forward and whispered, “Yesterday, I didn’t have a boyfriend. Knowing Scott is there for me makes all the difference. I have that much more confidence because of him.”
Pausing, he straightened up and gave me a critical look.
“You and Giant have also helped,” he added in a normal voice. “And your parents, and Chris. I have people pulling for me. I know it wasn’t the case, but yesterday I felt alone. Today, I don’t.”
It was that simple. Adam probably didn’t realise it, but he had just delivered a massive blow to my emotional solar plexus. After all the pain I had put him through on the past Friday night, on Monday I had abandoned him again. At the time, I had thought I had reason to, but I really hadn’t. It would’ve been different if Randy had been at school, instead of being kept home, but Adam was right. He had been left alone. Alone and vulnerable.
Guilt ran through me as I contemplated what I done. Dad had made sure Randy and I had understood the danger that Adam had been in while he was homeless. Because of my actions and words, I had pushed Adam further along the path of depression. Liz had told me to help Adam, and all I’d done was drive him closer to suicide.
“Ads, wait up?”
As one, we turned to see Gary jogging up to join us.
“Hi, Gazza,” Adam said cautiously. I could sense that he was ready to fight or flee if things didn’t go well.
“I just wanted to say hi, and to let you know that I’ll be around if you need me,” Gary stated, not taking his eyes off Adam.
Adam looked startled, then grinned. “Thanks, Gazza. I really appreciate it.”
“What are mates for, if not for sticking up for each other when one’s in trouble?” Gary asked rhetorically, shrugging his shoulders. Before we could say anything, he added, “Got to go. I have to see Mary before the first class.”
With that, he was gone.
Adam and I exchanged looks, before Adam gave me a wry grin.
“Fast, furious and to the point. Gary hasn’t changed!” he remarked. I could tell that adding another name to the list of supporters had further boosted his confidence.
I smiled back at him, while thinking that Gary had changed. Before the phone call I’d had with him, he had been cold on Adam. It was only after we’d chatted that he, like me, had decided that Adam is harmless; just a friend who needs some help.
The question that Gary had raised about mates was stuck in my mind. For me, the problem is always how to work out who my mates are. For all of the horror weekend, Adam had been conspicuously absent from that list. I wanted to put him back, but it was hard work. It was not only that Adam wasn’t sure he wanted to be on that list, but also things like the incident with the girls, where he acted so different to what I was used to. There was so much I didn’t understand about what “gay” meant. I knew it couldn’t be as simple as Randy had made out, or even Ian’s explanation. I knew there was more to it than just a question of the sex of the person they love. It had to make an overall difference in the way they thought about things. Hearing Adam talk about perving on other guys had unsettled me. I didn’t know how that would affect the way I dealt with him.
As we headed to our first class, I dropped back to appraise Adam with a fresh eye. He looked confident, but he wasn’t strutting. He seemed to realise there were times he could play up on his being gay, like with the two girls, and other times he had to let it slide, like at the snide remarks on the bus. I wanted to get back to being his friend, but I wasn’t sure who I’d face at any given time: the gay Adam or the pseudo-straight one?
As I entered my English class, I realised I had to make a decision. Adam was likely to take his usual place by the window in the middle. If I took a position near him, I’d probably also be close to where Liz would be sitting. I really wanted to avoid that.
“Adam,” I started hesitantly, “do you mind if I sit at the back? I’m not ready to face Liz.”
He looked at me blankly. Then, as the light dawned, his eyes opened wide.
“David, you don’t have to sit in the back, but if you want to then that’s okay.”
I was surprised at that. He was making it sound like he wanted me to confront Liz. After what she and I had said to each other, I didn’t think that would be a good idea. Fiona had made that very clear.
With a quickly expressed thank you, I retreated to the back of the room. I was attracting a few looks again, but not as many as I had expected. Most of the others in the class were concentrating their attention on Adam. He just sat there and ignored them. The half-smile on his face was causing a bit of gossip, from what I could overhear. I knew where it came from, but some of those I overheard had expected him to be a scared, quivering wreck. That half-smile was confusing them.
Liz entered a few minutes before the class was due to start. Unlike the day before, she spotted me immediately. Instead of hiding behind a book, I just stared at her. I wanted some more memories to hold onto.
She gave me a look I couldn’t translate. She was obviously trying to hold something in, but I couldn’t tell what it was; I hoped it was anger, not hatred. I didn’t think I could stand it if she started hating me.
Turning away from me, she headed over and sat down next to Adam. When she started pulling out her books, I realised that she was making a gesture of support for him. In a strange way, it made me happy. Even though Adam had been the cause of our break-up, both of us were working towards the common goal of helping him.
Adam and Liz chatted for the remaining time before the class started. He seemed genuinely happy to talk with her. I couldn’t help staring; she looked so animated and cheerful that I felt gutted. My heart sank deeper into despair as it appeared that she was over me already. It seemed clear I had no chance of regaining her affection.
When Gary arrived at the last minute, the only vacant chairs were near Adam. Without any hesitation, Gary sat down in one of them, said hello to Adam and Liz and then started to get his books out, ready for the class. He gave me one long look, but when he followed it with a flick of the eyes toward Liz, I knew he understood why I was at the back of the room.
Mr. Landsmith arrived right on time, as usual. Without pausing, he started the class and proceeded to lecture us on the things we would need to know for the following week’s exam. Taking notes, and mentally comparing them with what I knew, took my mind off my worries, at least partially. I caught the teacher giving me a strange look a couple of times, but I suppose that was because I’m normally closer to the front and more involved than I was at the moment. I just didn’t feel like drawing attention to myself by interacting as I usually do. I just wanted to stay back and let the world forget about me for a while.
At the end of the period, Liz gave Adam a quick peck on the cheek and disappeared out the door. I moved forward and joined Gary and Adam, and we left the room as a group. Gary’s next class wasn’t too far from where Adam and I were taking maths, so he was with us for most of the way there. There was one clear call of “fucking poofs,” but when I scanned the crowd I couldn’t work out who had said it.
“Ignore them,” Adam advised out of the corner of his mouth. “As long as it’s only words, it means nothing.”
I wasn’t sure. Letting too many taunts go by without a comeback would just encourage more of the same. However, it was Adam’s call. He was the one to decide which battles he wanted to wage and which ones to avoid.
Scott was waiting anxiously by the maths classroom door when Adam and I arrived. With a relieved grin, he came up to say hello.
“Hi, guys! Everything okay?” he asked casually, though Adam and I both knew how seriously he meant it.
“Everything’s fine, Break,” Adam responded cheerfully.
With that, I noticed a subtle tension leave Scott’s body. If I hadn’t been looking for it, I wouldn’t have caught it, but clearly Scott had been worried about Adam.
Finding empty seats near each other, we sat down and prepared for the class. I thought about asking Adam to help me with my maths homework that night, even though he isn’t the most brilliant student around. Of course, almost everyone in the class is better than me. I just have trouble thinking the way maths requires. We had an exam coming up on trigonometry, but I still was getting my sines and cosines around the wrong way, let alone the perversions I could make tangents do. My state of mind wasn’t helping either.
I was pleasantly surprised when Peter Papadopolous came in and said hello to me. Given that he had berated me for not sticking up for Adam in front of Luke Williams, I was intrigued as to why he did it. All I could think of was that Scott must have had a chat with Peter after that encounter. Either that or someone had told him that Adam and I seemed to have patched up our differences. He also nodded to Adam, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t the best response, but it showed a degree of acceptance that I hoped the other students would pick up on. A neutral indifference is a vast improvement over even mild distaste, let alone outright hostility.
I managed to concentrate during the lesson and was beginning to think that I might have a chance with the exam the next week, when the PA system burst to life.
“Adam Kennedy to the office. Can Adam Kennedy please come to the office immediately.”
Everyone turned to stare at him. I heard a couple of people behind me snicker, as if hoping Adam was in trouble. What surprised me most, though, was seeing a huge grin appear on Adam’s face as he rose to his feet. A quick glance around showed I wasn’t the only one startled. I saw several whispered conversations that almost universally ended with someone shrugging their shoulders. No one seemed to know why Adam appeared so glad to be called to the school office. Even Scott looked worried.
“May I be excused?” Adam asked politely, still smiling happily.
With a wave of his hand, Mr. Irving dismissed Adam. He was obviously disgruntled at the disruption to his class, but there was nothing he could do about it except scowl at Adam’s retreating back.
A wave of muttering spread across the room, only to die into sudden silence as the sharp clap of a long, wooden ruler striking the top of the teacher’s desk stopped all conversation.
“If you insist on chatting instead of listening to what you need to know for next week’s exam, then I’ll be happy to start the test now,” Mr. Irving said menacingly. Everyone knew that was not an idle threat. Two years ago he had carried out that promise, to the chagrin of one of the year 11 classes. None of those students are still at the school, but having an entire class fail a test because they weren’t given enough time to finish is not something that students forget quickly. It was lucky for that class that it was only an internal test. Some kids doubted he’d have been allowed to get away with it if it had been an externally-set exam.
Despite that, Scott and I exchanged looks. With a raise of his eyebrows, he silently asked if I knew what was going on. By shrugging my shoulders I told him I had no idea.
The rest of the lesson dragged on. My concentration had been shattered by Adam’s departure and I couldn’t regain it. By the end of the lesson, Adam had still not returned.
As I rose to my feet, Scott and Peter joined me.
“Any ideas on what’s happened to Adam?” Peter asked me. He was curious, but I could detect a touch of concern in his voice as well.
“Not a clue,” I responded with a shrug. “All I can say is that he seemed totally happy to be called out of the class.”
“It was as if he was expecting it,” Scott added in a distracted tone, as he let his eyes drift in the direction of the school office.
“Yeah, and that it was good news,” Peter said, plainly perplexed. “Do you mind if I stick around with you guys for a bit at lunchtime? I hate having to wait to find out what’s going on, and I think Adam will seek you out as soon as he’s free.”
I laughed, though my heart wasn’t really in it. “I have never, in all these years, picked you as a gossip, Peter.”
He shrugged before giving me a sheepish grin. “Different circles, Stick.”
As we turned to leave the room I noticed Andrew Driver, another classmate, hovering nearby. I don’t think I’d said more than two words to him all year, so I stared at him quizzically.
“David,” he said, making my name sound incredibly formal, “Ian said to say he’ll catch up with you near the end of lunch by the outside basketball courts. He’s got a few things he has to do first.”
I just stared at him as I tried to work out what the fuck was he talking about.
“Ian said you wanted to talk to him today. Is that right?” he asked nervously. His eyes started to dart between the three of us, as if trying to keep an eye out for trouble.
“Yeah,” I said slowly, “But how did you know that?”
Relieved, he grinned. “Ian’s my cousin. When I heard what Adam had said at the end of the maths class yesterday, I went and told Ian straight away. I knew he’d be interested.”
I was still trying to put all of that together when Scott piped up.
“So, you’re the one we have to thank for Ian’s fortuitous arrival yesterday,” he remarked. “Thanks, Andrew, it was very much appreciated!”
Andrew blushed a bit and turned his head away slightly. “It was nothing,” he muttered, before spinning around abruptly and heading out the door.
“He’s always been so quiet,” Peter stated, as if talking to himself. “I never knew he’s Ian Ashton’s cousin.”
I don’t know how he could’ve known. There’s absolutely no physical resemblance between them. Ian is a huge, hulking footballer. Andrew is a short, weedy intellectual. About the only thing they have in common is the colour of their hair.
As the three of us strolled to our lockers to dump our excess books, I noticed a few odd looks, but I didn’t hear any comments. The rumour that I was gay seemed to be dying. Either that or Peter’s presence forced a silence on those who would have otherwise said something. There’s a certain advantage in having one of the more popular students walking with you.
My locker was the last one we visited. As we turned the corner to get to it, I was startled to see Michael O’Conner leaning against the wall nearby.
“Hi, Stick,” he said, straightening up and sticking out a hand in greeting. “I heard the announcement for Adam, and I thought I’d come to find out what’s going on.”
Grasping his hand, I looked carefully at his face. It was as if he had a mask on; there was an expression of politeness there, but all other emotions were hidden away.
“Sorry, Mike. We have no ideas what it’s about. Adam never came back to the class,” I told him.
He frowned as he looked in the direction of the school office, as if he could see through the buildings to what was going on.
“That’s almost an hour ago,” he said slowly.
“Tell us about it,” Peter injected. “I’m dying to know what’s going on as well.”
We wandered out to take up positions on the benches by the basketball courts. Adam knows that’s one of our favourite places for lunch, so it was the best place to wait for him.
Scott was the first one to spot him, before we had gotten to the benches.
“There he is!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet and pointing.
We all saw Adam ambling towards us. He looked distracted, and didn’t even flinch when an older student went out of his way to bump him with his shoulder.
“Watch where you’re going, you fucking faggot!”
Adam just waved a hand, without even looking at the guy. “Sorry,” he said, as if on automatic.
The other guy started to growl something, but then spotted Scott, Peter, Michael and me approaching. With a wordless snarl, he turned and stormed off. I slowed as I tried to memorise the face. I’d seen him around the schoolyard before, but I didn’t know his name. Given the way he deliberately ran into Adam, I knew I needed to correct that. I had a hunch that we, or at least Adam, would be seeing more of him.
“Ads! What were you called into the office about?” Scott asked, concerned.
Adam just smiled at him, before turning to me.
“David, your mum said to say hi.”
“What was my mum doing here?” I asked, surprised at the sudden topic change.
As we walked on towards the seats by the outside courts, Adam replied in a contented, if distracted, tone, “She brought my mum to the school to see me. Mum wouldn’t sign the papers until she’d spoken to me in person.”
“What papers?” Peter asked quickly, before anyone else could say anything.
“Guardianship papers, so my parents can legally look after Adam,” I remarked absently, as I tried to work out what was going on. “So that’s why your mum didn’t sign them yesterday?”
“Yep,” Adam said cheerfully. I could tell he was still on a high from seeing his mum for what I suddenly realised was the first time in week. He acted as if he should be walking about a foot off the ground.
“We had a good private chat in the principal’s office, and then she signed the papers in front of Mr. Pitt. The school has a copy, too.” He gave me a grin before adding, “It’s official. I’m now your brother, David.”
“That’s all I need,” I groused. “Another younger brother.”
I instantly regretted my attempt at humour, as Adam started to scowl. “Only joking!” I quickly added with a grin. I was too slow, though, because Adam still gave me a hard look before turning to the others. Yet again, my big mouth had done me a disservice; Adam’s happy mood had disappeared.
“So, your mum is cool with you?” Scott asked.
“Yeah, she is,” Adam replied with a grin to his boyfriend. I made a mental note to speak to him privately later. It may have been only because I knew, but I thought the smile he gave Scott showed a lot more affection than is safe for a guy to give another guy, especially when the smiler is gay.
“What about your dad? He’s gone off his nut, hasn’t he?” Scott queried.
“Mum thinks so. She’s really worried about him. She’s organising for Kelly to move out, just in case,” Adam said, clearly worried.
When we arrived at the seats, Adam remained standing while Scott, Michael and I sat down. Peter just leant against the tree that was there.
“Why doesn’t she just leave him?” Peter asked.
Adam stared at him and then turned to look away into the distance.
“ ‘For richer, for poorer; for better, for worse; in sickness and in health; until death do us part,’ ” he quoted in a distant tone.
“What was that all about?” I asked.
He turned to me and gave me a half-smile. “That’s what Mum replied when I asked her the same question,” he answered quietly but firmly. “She thinks he’s sick and he needs help. She won’t abandon him just when he needs her. If she was forced to, she said she’d pick me over him, but only if forced. Until then, she’s willing to let me go now, so she can have both of us in the future. That’s why she wanted to see me before she’d sign those papers.”
There was silence at that. As Adam turned away, lost in his thoughts, the rest of us exchanged amazed looks. Adam’s mum was giving him away in the hope that father and son could eventually be reconciled. Because it was being done with love, Adam didn’t feel betrayed. If anything, he was ecstatic.
After a couple of minutes, Adam lifted a hand and wiped it across his face. As he turned back to face us, we could all see where he’d just wiped away some tears. The smile on his face made it clear that those had been tears of joy.
Standing up, I turned and looked over at the others. It suddenly struck me that I didn’t understand why Michael was there. Peter had been up-front about simply being curious, though there may have been more to it than that. He was clearly about to head off, as he was pulling himself away from the tree he had been leaning against, and was picking up his bag. Michael, though, had originally expressed concern about knowing what was going on, but even though he’d just learnt what had happened and why, he was showing no signs that he was going to move. He had also gone out of his way to wait by my locker.
“Okay, everyone. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you all around, later. Good luck, Adam, with everything,” Peter said, before striding off.
Once Peter was gone, I decided to take this chance to try to find out what was making Michael tick.
“Mike,” I asked, “why are you hanging around with us? Not that I mind,” I added quickly, “but you never have before.”
He looked at me, poker-faced, before turning to stare across the school grounds. As he did, I could see the mask drop away from his face and an expression of horror appear.
“My dad,” he whispered, before shuddering. “He brought home some photos from work last night. He told me that the pictures showed the results of gay bashing.”
Ignoring me, Michael turned around to look at Adam. Michael probably didn’t see it, but Scott was staring at him open-mouthed. I could feel the apprehension for what he was about to hear radiating from Break.
“He never told me to hang around with you, Adam, but I know what he wants me to do. He showed me those photos so I would know what can happen if no one stands up for you. My dad has told me that personally he can’t stand most of the gays he’s met. He thinks they act too much like girls. But he’s told me that they’re just the obvious gays, and no one, absolutely no one, deserves what was done to the guys in those pictures.”
With another shudder running through his body, he dropped his eyes to the ground.
“One set of photos were taken from the morgue,” he finished in a tortured whisper.
Adam and Scott exchanged glances. The fear they were feeling was palpable. Any chance of Scott coming out of the closet in the near future had just taken a huge dive.
I had just gone numb. It didn’t seem real to me, what Michael was saying. In my head, I could hear his words, but the implications just weren’t coming through. He was talking as if Adam was in danger of being badly hurt, or even killed!
Eyes still downcast, Michael continued, “That’s why I’m here. Dad’s always taught me about right and wrong, and I want him to be proud of me.” Looking up at Adam, he added, “He’s told me that you can’t help being who you are. You’re the way God intended you to be. I don’t have to like you, though I do think you’re an okay sort of guy, but he says everyone should step in to stop injustice. Those that stand by and let it happen are as bad as those who do it.”
Stepping forward, I put a hand on Michael’s shoulder. As he turned to look at me, the mask he first wore was coming back, hiding his emotions behind a wall, again.
“Thanks, Michael. It’s really appreciated,” I said. “I’ll have to check with my mum, but would you and your family like to come around to our place one weekend? I think it would be good for us to all get together, sometime.”
Michael gave me a small smile. “Thanks, Stick. I’d like that. I’ll ask my dad tonight.”
For a couple of minutes, no one knew what to say. First, Adam had given us his good news, putting everyone on a high. Then, Michael had dropped his bombshell and the atmosphere had chilled instantly. My mind was racing in circles, trying to find something to focus on.
As I let my gaze wander aimlessly over the yard, I made eye contact with a student on the far side of the basketball courts. It was as if I had been shot by an arrow of hatred. The emotions that came through, even from that distance, were strong and dark. That guy was watching us with what appeared to be a deep and lasting hate.
As the guy broke eye contact and started to walk away, I recognised him as the person who’d bumped into Adam on our way to the courts.
“Quick, guys. Anyone know who that is?” I asked, pointing. I was anxious for the others to also see the guy.
“Who?” Scott asked, as he peered in the direction I was indicating.
“The guy with the red bag. Black hair, thin. He’s heading towards the art rooms,” I described quickly.
“I see him!” Adam exclaimed.
“Do you know him?” I asked again.
“Nope,” Adam replied, shaking his head as he turned back to me, “Why?”
“He’s the guy that went out of his way to bump you as you arrived. I just saw him staring daggers at us,” I said, trying to convey the hatred I had felt radiating from the guy.
Adam shrugged. “I get bumped all the time, now. No big deal.”
I resisted the impulse to throttle him for not seeing that we need to know who’s likely to make problems for him.
“I think he’s going to cause trouble,” I said with exasperation. “We need to know who he is so we can be prepared.”
Adam sneered at me. “You think he’s going to cause trouble,” he repeated sarcastically. “Half the school could be about to harass me. What’s so special about this one guy?”
I clenched my fists to stop them from grabbing him by the throat. It was clear that I still had a long way to go before he accepted me. However, the ball was firmly in my court. I had to show him, by actions, not words, that I wanted to be his friend.
“He’s not in our year,” Michael interjected thoughtfully from where he was sitting on the bench. “I think he’s in year 11, but it could be year 12.”
“You didn’t see how he looked at us, or the way he went out of his way to bump into you before,” I tried to explain to Adam. “Call it a gut feeling, if you like, but I don’t think that was a one-off incident.”
Adam just shrugged and turned away. It was clear he didn’t think much of it. I wondered if he would have been so indifferent if someone else had been the one who had spotted the guy. He was accepting my help, but he still couldn’t bring himself to trust me.
Michael rose to his feet. “I’ll do a bit of checking around to see if I can find out who he is.”
I watched Michael leave, with a sense of relief and gratitude. Someone was taking me seriously. Until the guy did something, there wasn’t a lot more I could do, so I pushed the issue to the back of my mind.
As Michael strode off, I looked around carefully to see if we could be overheard. Seeing no one nearby, I turned to Scott. He and Adam needed to talk. Adam must have been dying to tell him about the chat with his mum.
“I’ll just be over there,” I said to Scott, pointing to the end of the basketball court. “Give me a yell if you need me to come back.” After giving him a critical look, I smiled and added, “Just keep your hands to yourself. Talking; no touching. And make sure you’re not overheard.”
Scott looked perplexed for a moment, then blushed as he realised what I meant. With a grin, I left him to have a private chat with his boyfriend. The smile fell from my face as I recalled the times I’d had private chats with my girlfriend in the schoolyard; a privilege I’d recently lost.
Forcing my mind away from happy memories that were causing so much pain, I realised I couldn’t leave Scott and Adam alone for too long, or too often. Scott wants, and probably needs, to keep on hiding. He’s going to come into some ribbing, simply for being a friend of Adam’s, but as long as enough of us run interference, no one should suspect the truth.
While I was working out what other opportunities I could create for Adam and Scott, I saw Randy, eyes downcast, shuffling slowly across the school grounds. His usual energetic walk had been replaced with a lethargy that looked unnatural on my normally happy brother. Worried about what may have happened, I strode over to intercept him.
“What’s up, Randy?” I asked, concerned. “Is there something wrong?”
He looked up at me. I was relieved to see he wasn’t distressed. I had been privately worried about what the other kids in his classes may have been saying to him; knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Instead of looking distressed, he looked puzzled, as if there was a problem he just couldn’t understand.
“Do you remember our chat the night Adam first stayed at our place?” he asked, his mind obviously not totally in the here-and-now.
I was confused. “Which chat?”
“The one about me having more confidence in my friends than you seem to have in yours,” he answered, beginning to focus on me instead of his thoughts.
“What happened? Did one of them say something to upset you?”
He shook his head. “No. I was right about that, at least to a degree. Practically all of them came up to me to say that they don’t have a problem with me being gay. It doesn’t bother them.”
I stared for a second in disbelief, before responding. “But you’re not gay!”
“I know. That’s what I told them,” Randy said, looking at me like he wanted help to understand what was going on.
“They don’t believe me.”
Of all the things that could’ve occurred, that was one I hadn’t thought of.
I was ready for my brother to be accused of being gay. I was hoping that most people would not believe it, though I knew it was only a faint hope. But for him to be accepted as gay by his friends – that was something I just never considered as a possibility.
I suppose it’s because his friends are all around his age or younger. They just haven’t had a chance to hear the things that might’ve changed their minds. After all, Randy accepted Adam easily, so I suppose it’s not unreasonable for Randy’s peers to do the same for him.
But why don’t they believe him when he tells them that he’s not gay?
“Did they tell you why they don’t believe you?” I asked, desperate to find an answer for this. If even his friends believe he’s gay, there is no chance that the rest of the school will think otherwise.
“Well, there were a few things,” he admitted sheepishly. “I’d accidentally mentioned that Adam was staying in my room, and they’d heard that we sat together on the bus this morning. Then, of course, there’s the story about how I defended him on the basketball court last Saturday. I also came down heavy on one of my friends when he said something about Adam.”
He blushed and looked away guiltily. “I may have overdone it a bit. They’re all convinced that Adam’s my boyfriend, and that I was defending him as such on Saturday.”
I was ready to throttle him, except that I knew he’s always been too open to hide things. As a consequence, he tends to tell things as they are, and just lives with any fallout that results.
“I warned you about letting Adam stay in your room, didn’t I?” I pointed out, though without any heat. He didn’t need me to be telling him off.
He scowled. “It was still the right thing to do! You didn’t hear Adam crying out in the middle of that first night. I did, and I was glad that I was there. He needed someone to be with him, and he still does now,” he stated forcibly. With a sigh, and much quieter, he added, “He had a nightmare last night, too. I suspect they’ll be going on for some time.”
I hadn’t realised. It should’ve been obvious, but it just never occurred to me that Adam would be having nightmares. He can cope during the day, but at night his defences drop. Just like my situation with Liz is worse at night, so is Adam’s. At least I haven’t been having nightmares.
“You’re right,” I conceded with a sigh. “Now what are we going to do?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not really causing a problem. I just wish they’d believe me.”
“Come on. Let’s join Adam and Scott. Maybe they’ll have some ideas about this,” I suggested.
As we walked slowly towards the others, another thought struck me.
“What about that girl you mentioned when I asked you if you’re gay? Why don’t you tell your friends about her?”
He grimaced. “I’d prefer not to. That’s a private thing; not something to spread around the school.”
“Who was it, anyway?”
“No comment,” he replied cheekily. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Seriously, you might have to,” I stated, worried. “If things get bad, you may need to prove that you’re not gay. That girl may be the only thing that will stop it.”
Randy laughed. “You worry too much, Stick. Things are not going to get bad. I have most of my friends supporting me. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks.”
I was concentrating on my brother so hard that I didn’t even check to see if I was interrupting anything between Adam and Scott. I just walked up to them.
“You said most of your friends,” I half-stated, half-asked.
Randy sighed. “Vera and Doug have been avoiding me. They don’t want to talk. But all the rest have been great!” he finished enthusiastically.
I noticed Scott and Adam looking a little puzzled.
“Giant has been getting lots of support from most of his friends. They all think there’s nothing wrong with him being gay,” I explained, ending with a touch of sarcasm.
“I’ve told them that I’m not gay,” Randy added with a shrug. “They don’t believe me.”
Adam gave a short laugh, while struggling to keep a smile from his face. “Let me guess. You’re supposed to be my boyfriend?”
Randy blushed and gave a quick nod. I saw him flash a guilty look at Scott.
Scott gave a quick glance around to make sure we wouldn’t be overheard, before turning back to Randy.
“Don’t worry about it, Giant. I know you’re not. If anything, it’s going to keep attention off me,” he said in a low voice.
“Hey, wait a minute!” I jumped in quickly. “Randy is not going to pretend to be Adam’s boyfriend to make your life easier!”
“Keep your voice down, David!” Adam demanded in a low, angry voice. He looked around, worried, as did I, but there was no one near us.
“Sorry, but I still don’t want Randy involved,” I repeated in a quieter tone.
I then noticed my brother looking thoughtful.
“Don’t even think it, Randy!” I said, almost jumping down his throat. I could tell he was seriously considering the idea.
“It’s not going to hurt me any more than the rumours going around already,” he pointed out, “and it’ll help out in other ways.”
“But if you do that, then it’ll be impossible to convince anyone that you’re not gay!” I cried.
He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “You have a problem with having a gay brother?”
“I’ve already got one; I don’t need two!” I replied frantically. I was beginning to think he was going to do it!
“I think I’m with David on this one,” Adam broke in tentatively. “You may not have been hassled so far today, but you will be, I promise you. You don’t want to go through that if you can avoid it.”
I was surprised but pleased at Adam’s support of my position. As I looked at him, he gave me a small grin before he turned back to Randy.
“So, both your brothers are telling you to not do it. Are you going to be stubborn, or listen to reason?” Adam asked. “You’re a bit big for us to try to beat some sense into you.”
Puzzled, Randy started swivelling his head back and forth as he looked at the two of us in turn. Suddenly his eyes lit up and his mouth stretched into a wide grin.
“The papers have been signed!” he exclaimed joyfully.
“That’s right, little brother,” Adam grinned back, as he leant forward, “so please remember that you’ve just been pushed down the pecking order and start respecting your betters.”
“Oh, I’ve always respected the elderly,” Randy retorted with a grin, “and I’ve always respected Break. He’s the only other decent basketball player on the team!”
With the change of subject, we settled into a furious debate on how exactly the changes were going to affect things. Scott took the job of refereeing the family discussion, though he showed a noticeable bias in Adam’s favour. Neither Randy nor I minded, though. It was better than letting the previous discussion go on. I shuddered mentally at the mere idea of Randy deliberately presenting himself as a target for all the idiots at school.
While we still having our friendly argument, I noticed Gary and Mary approaching, hand-in-hand. They were clearly heading our way.
“G’day, guys! How are things going?” Gary asked. While normally this would be a rhetorical question, we could all tell that this once he meant it seriously.
“Apparently, I’m supposed to be gay,” Randy announced pontifically.
Gary gave him a look of mock disgust. “I think even Adam will agree that no one is supposed to be gay. You are or you aren’t, Giant.”
Glancing over at Adam, he added in an almost anxious tone, “Is that right, Ads?”
Adam grinned back at him. “You don’t have to treat me like I’m about to break, Gazza. And I think you’re right.” He paused, then continued, “Though that will depend on what you mean by ‘supposed to be’. I don’t think anyone is supposed to be anything.”
“So, are you?” Gary asked Randy. It was done in a light tone, as if the answer really didn’t matter.
My brother raised his hand and placed a finger at the side of his head as he theatrically considered the question.
“No, he’s not!” I jumped in, just in case Randy decided to deliberately give the wrong answer.
After a mock scowl at me, he grinned at Gary and Mary. “No, I’m not,” he agreed, “though all my friends seem to think I am. They’ve been telling me all morning that they don’t mind.”
“What did they say when you told them you’re not?” Mary asked.
My brother’s façade broke at that and some of his worries came through. “They don’t believe me,” he stated softly. His confusion was obvious.
Mary and Gary exchanged surprised looks.
“Why the fuck not?” Gary asked angrily.
Randy looked embarrassed. Staring at the ground, he replied hesitantly, “Ummm… they just added up a few things and… er… came up with the wrong answer.”
As he finished, he looked up and caught my eye, sending me a silent appeal to help him out.
With a sigh, I explained. “Giant let it slip that Adam’s sharing his room. They’ve heard how Adam and Giant sat together on the bus this morning and about the fight on Saturday. He also came down heavy on one of his friends who made a comment about Adam. Throw in the rumour going through the school, and they’re all convinced that Adam is Randy’s boyfriend.”
“They don’t have a problem with that! Maria even went as far as saying she thought it was cute. They keep telling me that I don’t have to deny it to them,” Randy hurriedly added, as if to make sure that we wouldn’t think the worst of his friends.
Gary threw his hands up in the air. “I give up! I don’t know what is going on anymore!”
“You and me, both,” I whispered to myself as I stared at the ground. Life was becoming too confusing.
“What about you, Stick? How are you doing?” Mary asked gently.
I looked up in surprise at the question and found myself the centre of attention. I knew what she was talking about, but I hesitated as I tried to work out if I wanted everyone to know my thoughts.
“I’ve been better,” I eventually answered, looking away as I tried to control the tremor I felt run through my body.
Feeling someone grab my upper arm, I turned to find Randy standing by me.
“It’s your turn to talk, David,” he said quietly. “Get it out of your system.”
I was suddenly furious.
“How dare you tell me when it’s time to talk!” I yelled at my brother as I shook his hand off my arm. “You aren’t the one whose life has been gutted. You don’t have to watch the person you love and know that you can’t even go up and talk to her.”
With a sudden thud, my anger fell away. All that was left was a feeling of emptiness.
“You aren’t the one who knows he’s wrecked his chance at being happy,” I finished softly as I looked away to the place where Liz and I used to have our lunches together when we wanted some time alone.
As if on autopilot, I started to walk towards that spot. Behind me, I heard a compassionate voice say, “Let him go.” It might have been Gary, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t really care. Instead, a flood of memories was welling up and blurring my vision.
As I sank down and sat by the tree where Liz and I had shared so much, I closed my eyes and bowed my head. I didn’t want to cry, so I struggled to keep my tears in check. What was I supposed to do now? With nothing else of importance to occupy it, my mind wandered through bittersweet memories; sweet because they were of happy times; bitter because I knew they were the only ones I’d have.
While there isn’t much that we could do here at school, in public, we had a lot of deep conversations at this place. It was here that we explored our interests in music, animals and life in general. It was here that we made our plans for the Christmas holidays; where we first spoke of my joining her family for New Year’s Eve. It was here that ultimately I fell in love with her.
To control myself, I struggled to hold back my knowledge of recent events and just let the memories spring forth. I wasn’t totally successful, but I could feel a smile on my face that reflected the happy times I was remembering. Despite my efforts, I felt tears fall down my face, reflecting the loss of what might have been.
I heard a distant noise, but I paid no attention to it. The sound of someone calling my name and tugging on my arm brought me out of my daze.
“Stick, it’s time to get to our next class,” Scott was saying insistently. His words slowly penetrated my brain.
After using the back of my arm to wipe away any tears that may have remained, I looked up at Scott’s anxious face. Pushing myself back to my feet, I glanced around to see the schoolyard quickly emptying. None of the others were nearby.
“Come on, Stick,” Scott said, grabbing me by the arm. “Adam’s going to grab a couple of workstations next to each other, but we need to get to the computer room as quick as we can.”
I was vaguely aware that my next class was Computer Studies, but I had lost all inclination to go. If I’d had an ounce of self-will left, I would have skipped the class.
We were halfway there when I suddenly stopped.
“Shit!” I exclaimed as a thought struck me.
“Come on, Stick! We’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on,” Scott said urgently, grabbing my arm again, trying to pull me along by brute force.
Giving in to his tugging, I started moving again.
“I was supposed to meet Ian Ashton at lunchtime,” I said frantically.
“He showed up,” Scott said, “but we explained what was going on and he decided to leave you alone. He said he’ll try to catch up with you later in the week. He wasn’t annoyed. Now, can you pick up the pace a bit, please?”
Scott got me to class just in time.
How I did it, I don’t know, but I managed to bring enough concentration to the class that the teacher didn’t notice me. They were teaching something about the use of forms on web pages, but I didn’t take it in. I knew I’d have to get Scott to explain it to me later. For the moment, I just let myself wallow in despair and depression.
I’d pulled myself together by the end of the lesson. I even think I managed to remember a couple of the things that were being taught!
Scott, Adam and I headed out after the class to go to our lockers to dump the remainder of our books. While we were at Adam’s locker, I happened to spot the guy I’d seen at lunchtime. He was looking at us again, hatred in every line of his face. As soon as he realised I had seen him, he turned and quickly moved away, losing himself in the crowd of students nearby.
Had he been following us? If he had, he now knew where Adam’s locker was. He might even know where Scott’s and my lockers were! I hadn’t thought to look around before, to see if anyone might have been following us. It just hadn’t occurred to me that someone might.
As I contemplated it, a coldness seeped through me. The chance of his just being there at that time was so slim, it wasn’t worth considering. On the other hand, the ramifications of his following us were too broad for me to think about. About the only thing I could conclude was that he was up to no good. I suspected he was a danger, but how much of one remained to be seen.
“Er, guys,” I said quietly, as Adam closed his locker. “You remember that guy from lunchtime?”
“Which one?” Scott asked.
“The one I said I thought could be trouble?”
“Yeah, what about him?” Adam said, almost indifferently.
“I just saw him watching us,” I replied. “He now knows where your locker is, Adam.”
I think that got through to him, as he stiffened and looked around quickly.
“I don’t see him,” he said hesitantly.
“He fled as soon as he realised I’d seen him,” I explained.
Adam looked around again while chewing on his lower lip, but didn’t see the guy.
Scott caught Adam’s eye. “I don’t think you should leave anything of value in your locker, anymore, Ads.”
“I think you’re right,” Adam agreed with a nod
Turning back to his locker, he opened it and started dragging out a number of books. Putting them all in his bag, he closed his locker and hefted the bag to his shoulder.
“I’m going to put on a few muscles if I keep carrying this much, but it’s better than to risk getting it vandalised,” he remarked lightly. There was still a touch of nervousness in his voice, but the determination with which he had started the day was still carrying him through. He wasn’t going to let the threat drag him down.
Adam and Scott headed off to their last class of the day. I started dragging my heels. My last class was one I share with Liz. Normally, we sat and worked together during the class. It had been my “brilliant” idea, when we were discussing which of the electives to take for this year, for both of us to try to pick the same ones. We both agreed to do Media Studies, and now that decision was going to cause me a lot of pain. Our teacher did not like her students to keep moving around, but insisted that we take the same seats each class. I was about to be forced to sit next to my ex-girlfriend.
I thought about skipping the class, but that would just delay the inevitable. Taking a deep breath, I forced my unwilling legs to carry me to the torture that awaited.
I stood in the doorway for a moment. Liz was already in her seat. As she glanced up at me I sensed fear emanating from her.
“Hi, Liz,” I said quietly and emotionlessly as I slid into the chair next to her. I was struggling to hold in what I felt for her, because I knew letting it loose would just cause trouble.
“Hi, Stick,” she responded in the same vein.
By unspoken mutual agreement, we set up an invisible wall between us. If we could fool ourselves successfully, we could pretend that the person on the other side of that divide was a stranger of no consequence.
We struggled through that class.
When I thought she wouldn’t be watching, I would steal glances. Sometimes, I’d flick my gaze in her direction, pretending to be looking at someone beyond her, and see her quickly turn away.
It was civil, with not a single angry or heated word spoken. Indeed, barely a word was said, though the silence between us spoke volumes. From the stares and whispers we endured from our classmates, I knew the tension and agony we were experiencing was shining through.
I thought of trying to say something when there was a break in the lecturing, or when we were looking something up in our textbooks, but I held back. Fiona had made it crystal clear that morning that Liz didn’t want to talk. Even after all this time, I still didn’t have anything more to say than, “I’m sorry.” Struggling to find words to explain that I still loved her, and that all I wanted was for her to be happy, I stewed in my cesspit of despair. Saying nothing and causing no more pain was a better option than trying to say something and ripping another shred from her heart.
I just wished she’d say something to me. If she were to initiate a conversation, I was sure I’d find the words I needed. But I couldn’t find the ones that would allow us to start.
The time dragged on. I would look at the clock and find only a scant handful of minutes had gone by since the last time I looked. Mrs. Okering’s droning voice just enhanced the feeling that the class would go on forever.
When the bell for the end of the period sounded, I froze. Should I move first, to allow Liz to leave at her leisure, or should I stay put and give her the freedom to escape immediately?
When neither one of us moved, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Jumping to my feet, I grabbed my bag and fled from the room. I had to push a couple of guys out of the way, but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of there and away from the source of my pain. I should’ve said something before I left, but I just couldn’t do it. I knew that if I tried, the walls I’d built up would likely crumble.
When I reached my locker I rested my head against the locked door. By forcing myself to take several long, deep breaths, I slowly calmed down. When I felt myself regaining control, I straightened up and opened the lock. Quickly transferring the things I needed for the night's homework, and dumping the rest, I slammed the door shut and headed to Randy’s locker. I knew he’d be waiting for me, as he has since the start of the year, so we could head to the bus together.
With the tangled mess of my emotions stuffed into a back corner of my mind, I forced a smile onto my face as I turned the corner to where my brother’s locker is located.
I noticed Adam was already there, smiling faintly. He was chatting with Randy, but he turned to me as I approached and nodded his head. I sensed that he was pleased with himself, or maybe with the way the day had gone.
“Hi, Stick,” Randy called out as he spotted me.
“Hi, Giant,” I said. “Did things improve this afternoon?”
He shrugged. “As I said at lunchtime, things weren’t particularly bad, so there wasn’t much scope for things to get better. No, the afternoon was pretty much the same as the morning.”
We headed to the section of the car park where the buses would pick us up. There was a noticeable parting of the crowd as we approached. If there had been more space between the car park and the school building, I think we would’ve had even more room to ourselves.
“This is odd,” Randy remarked, expressing his curiosity at the behaviour of the other students. I don’t think it had sunk in that he was part of the reason most people were getting out of our way.
“That’s right. You didn’t see it yesterday,” I said. “Adam likened it to the parting of the Red Sea.”
My brother laughed. He didn’t need to force it; it just came out naturally. He was clearly unconcerned. Whether he noticed the flashes of hostility we attracted, I don’t know. If he did, they didn’t appear to bother him.
As we neared the section where our bus would pick us up, a small squad of younger students intercepted us. Even before Randy’s greeting, I recognised a couple of them as being his friends.
“Hi, guys! What’s up?” Randy asked.
“Hi, Randy,” one of the guys replied. “We’ve got some important questions for Adam.”
“What sort of questions, Stu?” Randy asked, curious, but not overly anxious.
“Oh, just some stuff,” he replied evasively. As he started scanning over us, his eyes fixed on Adam. “Adam?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Adam replied hesitantly. “What do you want?”
As Stu paused and licked his lips nervously, one of the girls poked him in the back. “Get a move on. We don’t have all day,” she whispered loudly.
“Don’t get your knickers in a knot, Maria. We agreed I’d do the asking,” Stu muttered back.
Adam, Randy and I exchanged glances. What was this about?
“Adam,” he started, drawing himself up to his full height, trying to look and sound more mature, “we understand you stayed at a couple of people’s places before you went to Randy’s. Is that right?”
“Yeah, it is,” Adam replied, sounding perplexed at where this was leading.
“We just wanted to know why you didn’t just go to Randy’s place first?”
Adam shrugged. “I went wherever I could find a place to stay. I didn’t know where I would be accepted, so I just tried whoever I could. Randy and David were just number three.”
“I told you,” Maria piped up, looking smugly at the other kids in the group.
“Shut up. I haven’t finished,” Stu responded as he glanced over his shoulder, looking annoyed at the girl behind him.
Turning back to Adam, he continued, “But you knew that Randy was going to let you stay, didn’t you?”
Adam gave him a wry smile. “By that stage, I had no idea about anything. I didn’t know who would be upset or who would reject me. I was almost at the stage that I didn’t think anyone would want me,” he admitted with a touch of despondency.
“See?” Maria interjected again.
Stu looked around at the rest of the younger kids. Most were nodding. One kid, I think his name was Kim, was rocking his head from side to side, as if he was still tossing up on something.
“I’m not convinced, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt,” Kim stated.
“Will you tell me what the hell this is all about?” asked Randy, exasperated.
Stu turned back to him. “Sorry, Randy. We’d like to apologise. We believe you now. You’re not gay.”
Randy rocked back on his heels in surprise. “Why the change of heart?”
“I worked it out this afternoon,” Maria announced proudly. “If Adam was your boyfriend, he would’ve gone straight to your place last week, and not gone to the other places first. He didn’t, so you’re not.”
Randy smiled at her. “Did I ever tell you that I think you’re smart, Maria?”
She grinned back at him. “Not often enough!” she replied.
“Don’t make me sick,” Stu said, sticking his finger into his mouth, as if to force himself to vomit.
“Well, Stu, I think this means we need to come up with another idea,” said one of the other kids I didn’t recognise.
“What do you mean, Kev?” Stu asked, turning back to the rest of the group.
“I don’t think Randy is going to want a dress for his birthday, anymore,” Kev replied with a grin.
Stu twisted his head and looked over his shoulder at my brother with a smirk.
“I don’t know. I still think it’s a good idea. I’ve always thought he’s a big girl, anyway.”
“Why you...” Randy exclaimed, throwing his bag against the nearby wall. Stu took off, laughing, as Randy started chasing him along the side of the car park. It didn’t take long for Randy’s longer legs to catch the smaller boy, though it took a couple of minutes for Randy to have him pinned and begging through his laughter for mercy. The rest of us moved along to keep them in view. I was still aware that Randy was a target as far as the wider school community was concerned, even if his friends had come around.
The two boys were both dishevelled but smiling when they returned.
“Does this mean you’re not going to get Randy a dress anymore?” Adam asked Stu with a grin.
“If I am, I’m not admitting it,” Stu replied, as he ducked the mock punch Randy gave him, “He’s just going to have to wait until his birthday to find out.”
“You do that for my birthday, and you better not invite me to yours. You’ll regret it if you do,” Randy threatened, spoiling it with a wide grin pasted across his face.
Retrieving their bags, Stu and Randy continued to trade threats while the rest of his friends dispersed.
As we settled down to wait for our buses, I saw the guy who had bumped Adam at lunchtime smirking at us from behind a group of students. When he noticed me looking at him, he suddenly turned away and disappeared from view. I stared in the direction he had gone. What, if anything, was he up to?
Our bus arrived soon afterwards. Stu waved goodbye to Randy and the rest of us as he moved off to wait for his bus.
“Watch it!” Randy cried out, as he staggered off balance.
I heard a muttered, “Bloody poofters,” but I didn’t spot who said it. Randy was also looking around, annoyed.
“Ignore them, Giant. Just ignore them,” Adam said in a resigned tone. It was clear that he’d decided that being bumped and hassled was just something to be endured.
“You can ignore them if you want, but I’m not going to put up with it,” Randy stated furiously. Raising his voice, he addressed the surrounding students. “If you have a problem with me, tell me to my face. If you’re such a gutless coward that you have to hide and hit me from behind, then just leave me alone!”
As he stared around angrily, no one accepted his challenge. Many of the students shuffled uneasily, avoiding his gaze. For the moment, at least, it looked like he had them cowed.
“Come on, Adam, Stick. Let’s get going,” he said as he turned back to the bus. It was clear from his tone that he was still in a huff. If anyone said the wrong thing, I wasn’t sure what he’d do. He’s not normally an aggressive person, but he’s also not normally that angry. His black eyes just added to the aura of pending violence that shrouded him.
Stomping his way onto the bus, Randy marched down the aisle and took an empty seat near the centre. Putting his bag on the floor at his feet, he crossed his arms across his chest and stared his defiance at every student who made the mistake of catching his eyes.
I glanced at Adam, disturbed. While my brother is quite capable of looking after himself, I wasn’t comfortable leaving him in the seat by himself. My original plan had been to sit with Adam, but I didn’t know if that was a good idea anymore. But leaving Adam by himself was just as bad!
There was only one solution, and it was one I wasn’t happy with.
“Adam, I think you should sit with Randy. I don’t want anyone else sitting with him while he’s like this,” I said in a resigned voice. It would just fuel the rumours that they were boyfriends, but that couldn’t be helped.
“Why don’t you sit with him?” he asked, as we made our way towards Randy, Adam leading.
“Because that would leave you by yourself,” I replied dryly.
He looked over his shoulder and gave me a startled look, then quickly followed that with a nod of thanks.
As Adam took his place next to my brother, I took the empty seat opposite. I was still worried. Randy’s outburst may have stopped people for the moment, but it may just encourage more harassment in the future.
The bus loaded quickly after that, mostly in an almost freaky silence. The normal banter and chatter were largely absent as Randy’s stormy presence in the middle of the bus dominated the atmosphere. The three hostile students I had detected that morning slunk into seats near the front of the bus, avoiding us. They were careful to refrain from even glancing in our direction. The fact that they were intimidated for the moment didn’t mean much for the future, however. If anything, the shame at being scared off may have increased their hostility. I remained worried about those three.
“For the record, I don’t have a problem with you, except maybe as a basketball player. You really should start to play for a decent team,” Rick stated with a hint of laughter in his voice, as he passed my brother. “Good luck, with everything,” he added as he leant over to give Randy a high-five.
Randy’s face fell back into its more natural grin, as he responded, “Thanks, Rick. You should join a decent team, too.”
I was glad to see Rick’s comments had shaken my brother out of his bad temper. Now that it was gone, everyone around him seemed less tense.
“Don’t worry; if I need to, I’ll tell you to your face, too,” Harrison remarked, as he passed. He didn’t stop, but just kept moving towards the back of the bus. I twisted around to watch him go. As he sat down, he saw me looking and gave me a nod. No smile, but I gave him one back, anyway. Turning back around, I wondered if my chat from the morning had caused that, or if he was just naturally that sort of person. Regardless, I appreciated the extra bit of support. Effectively from a complete stranger, it must have made an impression on Randy and those around us.
The noise level slowly picked up, as everyone started to relax. Shamelessly, I tried to eavesdrop on the nearby conversations; it was my brother’s safety that was at risk, after all. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear anything of interest. Randy’s name was mentioned a couple of times, as was Adam’s, but I couldn’t catch the context. All I could go with was the tone of voice, which was either neutral or curious, not hostile.
I got off the bus with a sigh of relief when we reached our stop. I hadn’t realised how tense I’d been until we were standing alone by the side of the road. Feeling a lot lighter, I turned to the other two.
“Time to get home, guys. I’m looking forward to a nice, long, cool drink,” I remarked as we started to walk down the dirt track that leads to our house.
“If we were older, I’d say it was time for a stiff drink,” Adam replied, his relief obvious.
Randy and I exchanged grins. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Randy asked me.
“I think so,” I answered. “Who’s going to sweet-talk Mum into opening a bottle of wine for dinner?”
“You do it,” he said. “It sounds better coming from a sixteen-year-old than a fourteen-year-old.”
“Will she do that?” Adam asked in disbelief.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Mum and Dad like a bottle of wine every so often, and they don’t mind us having a glass with dinner. The only rule is that we have to finish our homework first. They never let us drink too much, but I think we can talk them into opening a second bottle tonight. It’s been an eventful day for all of us.”
“That’s an understatement,” I heard Randy mutter to himself.
We walked in silence for a couple of minutes, before the conversation started up again, but this time on the subject of the game coming up on Saturday. The last game before the finals started, it didn’t really matter whether we won or lost. The result would have no influence on our team’s final position in the competition. We expected to win easily, as the team we were playing was quite low on the ladder. The last time we played them, we won by more than thirty points.
We arrived home and found Mum in the kitchen, reading the newspaper. As we walked in, she looked up.
“How did it go today?” she asked to no one in particular.
Randy and I looked at each other. He indicated with a tilt of his head that he wanted me to answer. I guessed that the issue of his friends was something he wanted left until later.
“Eventful, but generally pretty good,” I answered my mum. “We’re going to get started on our homework straight away. We were thinking that a glass of wine with dinner tonight might be a good idea,” I finished on a hopeful note.
Mum laughed. “Under the circumstances, I think a glass of wine is probably reasonable. Your dad and I will want a full account of the day, though.”
“Not a problem!” I responded with a smile. “We’ll just get our schoolwork out of the way first. Oh, and Scott said he and Chris will be around after dinner.”
She frowned slightly. “We must have those two boys around for dinner. If they’re going to come around regularly, we should arrange something with their parents,” she remarked, as if to herself.
I dumped my bag by the table and was heading over to the fridge to get a drink, when she stopped me.
“Are you going to study when Scott gets here?” she asked.
I glanced over to where Adam and Randy were dropping their bags. Adam looked up at me, as if to check to see what I was intending to say.
“I might need some help with Computer Studies, but I don’t think it’ll take much time or effort,” I answered, a little nervous as I realised that she might change her mind on the glass of wine. My parents are generally pretty strict on the subject of mixing alcohol and study.
She looked intently at me for a moment. “Okay, but that means only one glass of wine with dinner.”
I was surprised at that. I knew better, though, than to open my mouth and take the risk that she might cancel the alcohol completely.
“Randy, Adam, what would you like to drink?” I asked, as I stood by the open fridge door.
“Anything cold and wet,” Randy responded, as he sat at the table.
“Orange juice, please,” Adam replied as he sat next to my brother.
Making life easy for myself, I made three glasses of O.J.
After putting their glasses in front of them, I remained standing as I drank my juice. It hadn’t been a bad day. I knew I needed to sort myself out over Liz, but I kept pushing that issue to the back of my mind. If I spent time thinking about it, like I had at lunchtime, I would be useless for a long time afterwards.
“Adam, can you give me a hand with my maths?” I asked as I put my empty glass into the kitchen sink.
“Sure, David,” he responded absently. Looking over at him, I noticed a faint smile and a distracted look. I was pretty sure he was thinking about seeing Scott in a few hours’ time.
“What the fuck!” Randy sudden swore.
He was looking inside his school bag. Placing it on top of the table, he reached inside and, using a thumb and forefinger only, gingerly drew out a cylindrical container. It was one of the paint containers we use at school during art classes.
As Adam and I joined him, we all peered inside his bag.
Everything was covered in bright, fluorescent-pink paint.
“What is it, Randy?” Mum asked, concerned.
“Someone’s tipped an entire jar of pink paint into my bag,” my brother replied, anger resonating through every word. “I suspect it was either Kev or Stu. They probably think this is funny. I’m going to kill somebody, as soon as I work out which one did it.”
I looked across at Adam. From the worried expression he returned to me, I knew he had the same thought as me. It wasn’t one of Randy’s friends playing a joke. It was a deliberate, malicious act by someone who thought that Randy’s gay.
“Uh, Giant?” Adam started hesitantly, not taking his eyes off me. I knew he was offering me the chance to say something first, but I didn’t know what to say. I felt a flash of resentment that my brother was being put through this, but I tried not to aim it at Adam. As Liz had tried to explain to me at the racetrack, Adam wasn’t the cause of this, only the trigger. It was hard, though – if it weren’t for Adam, the school wouldn’t think Randy’s gay!
“What is it, Ads?” Randy said as he walked over to drop the paint jar into the rubbish bin.
“I don’t think it was your friends who did this.”
We twisted around to watch my brother’s reaction to Adam’s assertion.
“Who else could it be?” Randy replied, irritated. As the other possibilities popped into his head, his mouth dropped open and his eyes opened wide. “Oh….”
“If it wasn’t one of his friends, who do you think did it?” Mum asked the three of us.
“Mum, the whole school thinks Randy’s gay,” I explained. “I think, and Adam looks like he thinks so too, that it was done by someone who hates him because of that.”
My dad, like Randy, tends to have a flash of anger occasionally, but calms down pretty quickly afterwards. My mum rarely gets angry, but when she does it simmers for a long time. From the expression on her face, someone was going to get slammed... hard.
“It’s supposed to be a Christian school!” she exclaimed to no one in particular as she marched over to pick up Randy’s school bag. “How can people who call themselves Christians do something like this?”
Peering inside, she grimaced. “We should be able to salvage most of this, Randy. Get some old newspapers from the recycling bin. We need to get these things out and put them on the newspapers to stop the paint from spreading any further.”
For the next thirty minutes, instead of doing homework, we cleaned up the mess. After getting everything out, we saw that the damage was largely restricted to the outside of the books. Mum found some old sheets of contact which we used to re-cover Randy’s notebooks. The textbooks and reading materials that belong to the school were the most troublesome. All we could do to them was wipe off most of the paint. Mum wrote a note to explain why the books were damaged and gave it to Randy to take to school the next day.
She also rang to make an appointment to see the principal or vice principal, but the school office was shut by the time she tried. She said she’d try again the next morning.
While we worked, Mum questioned us as to what had happened that day. It didn’t take long for her to pick up the general thread. I could see her fury growing as she extracted the details of what Randy and Adam had gone through. I was lucky to miss most of her attention. The grilling I got about the three students on the bus and the guy at lunchtime was bad enough. She seemed to think that I should know who they all were, and she wasn’t impressed when I had to admit I didn’t know their names.
It seemed that Adam had received more attention than Randy. While a lot of people would consider the younger student an easier target, in this case that wasn’t true. Randy appeared to have a wider circle of friends helping him than Adam did. He is also a much more physically intimidating person than Adam.
There was one other factor that I mulled on while we helped clean up. I really saw only four apparently hostile students, and they were all older than us. While I hated to think anything nice about them, they may have had some qualms about harassing a year 8 student. A year 10 student would be a lot more attractive target, morally, if that term could be used for them.
I didn’t say anything about that, because it was all guesswork, and Randy had ended up getting the worst abuse, anyway – the paint in his bag.
Finally finishing, Mum rocked back in her seat and looked thoughtfully around at us.
“We can’t do much more, now. You boys had better get to work on your homework. Your dad is going to want to go through this, too, so you won’t have a chance later.”
“What about when Scott gets here?” Adam asked.
Mum sighed. Leaning forward, she replied, “We’ll worry about that later. I think he needs to be told, don’t you?”
Grimacing, Adam nodded. Scott isn’t a target at the moment, but he will be when the word gets out. He needs to know, so he can be prepared.
We did our homework in a very somber mood. There was none of the talking or complaining that usually happens during our homework time. Things had changed, anyway, with Adam being there, but no one was in the mood to talk.
I was the last one to finish, mainly due to the revision I needed to do for maths. Randy and Adam had already disappeared outside to blow off some steam by playing a bit of one-on-one. Normally, I’d have joined them, but I wanted to make some phone calls first.
“Gazza speaking,” came Gary’s distracted tone.
“Hi, Gazza. It’s Stick.”
“Is it important, Stick? I’m a little occupied at the moment.”
“Someone dumped some paint into Giant’s bag at the end of school. I was just wondering if you saw anything,” I asked, not hopeful, but it was the opening gambit for what I really wanted to ask.
“WHAT!” he yelled. “Sorry, Mary, this sounds important,” I heard him say to his girlfriend. For a moment I wondered what they were up to, as I knew his mum wouldn’t be home yet, but I quickly decided it didn’t matter.
“Someone dropped an open jar of pink paint into Randy’s bag. We found it when we got home,” I explained.
“Pink, eh,” he remarked, before he told Mary what I’d said.
“Stick, this is Mary. Was anyone hurt?” she asked, concerned. I guessed that Gary had the phone between them.
“No, just all the stuff in his bag,” I replied glumly.
“Any ideas on who did it?” Gary asked.
“If the colour is relevant, any homophobic arsehole,” I replied sharply, before continuing a bit calmer. “There is one guy that I suspect, but I’ve got no proof and I don’t know who he is.”
“Why do you suspect him?” Mary queried.
“I saw him go out of his way to bump into Adam at lunchtime. It also looked like he followed us to Adam’s locker after school. Both times he looked as if he hated us, or at least Adam. Just before we got on the bus I saw him smirking at us. He’s my best guess, based on that smirk. It’s not much, but it’s all I have,” I admitted.
“Sorry, Stick, but neither of us saw anything,” Gary said, regret coming through clearly.
“It was a long shot,” I said, “but thanks anyway.”
“Is there anything we can do to help?” Mary asked.
Smiling, I mentally thanked Mary for volunteering. That was what I had hoped for, though I had expected Gary to be the one to offer. His quick temper usually has him diving head-on into any trouble around his friends.
“Yeah, there is,” I started. “Before he got on the bus, Giant challenged everyone there to tell him to his face if they had a problem with him. He called anyone who sniped from behind a gutless coward. Well, this guy sounds like a gutless coward, so I expect him to keep sniping. I think we need to have as many eyes as possible keeping watch on both Adam and Randy. Do you think you can help?”
Without a pause, Gary jumped straight in, enthusiasm blasting, “Too bloody right! We’re not going to stand by on this one, are we, Mary?”
“Of course, not,” she responded more calmly, but I could almost hear the smile she must have given Gary as she said it.
“Good, then there is one more thing I need to ask you,” I said, trepidation creeping up on me.
“What?” Gary asked with his typical bluntness.
“Can one of you ring Liz and tell her?” I pleaded. “I think she’ll want to know.”
There was a pause from the other end of the phone line. I tensed up as I started wondering what was going on over there.
“Sure, Stick,” Mary answered kindly. “We’ll do that now. Is there anyone else you want us to call?”
“No, thanks,” I replied with a sigh of relief. “That’s the only one I can’t do myself.”
“Is there anything else?” Gary asked.
“No. That’s it. I’m going to ring a few more people. Thanks again for this,” I replied.
“Okay. Bye, Stick!”
“Bye, Gazza, Mary.”
I rang a few more people that I know who I thought might help out. I’m not as good friends with them as I am with my basketball teammates, but I was very pleased with the responses I got. Without exception they all expressed disgust at what had been done, and why. While they couldn’t always be there, they said they would keep an eye out for trouble and promised to help if they saw any.
I wished I had Michael or Peter’s phone numbers, but I didn’t. I made a mental note to correct that. From what he’d said, Michael’s help was a given. Peter, I wasn’t as sure about, but I think his sense of fair play would mean he’d do what he could. It might not be as much as some of the others, but simply showing he supported Adam and Randy would bring a lot of his circle of friends into line.
Dinner that night was a tense affair. No one was in trouble, but the concern radiating from our parents was putting a damper on everything. My dad listened to our description of the events of our day without comment; just the occasional question to clarify what had happened. We were all allowed a glass of wine with dinner, but even that tasted flat because of the emotions that were hanging the air.
As we finished, Dad looked at Mum and remarked that they would have to go to the school sometime soon to make sure that the staff would be able to keep things under control. Mum replied that she was going to ring to make an appointment, and that she was happy to look after it herself. The look of determination on her face left no doubts as to how seriously she took the situation.
When Scott and Chris showed up a bit later, our parents sat them down and made us go through everything again. As this was the third round, it flowed out quickly. I could see Scott going pale. Michael’s news at lunchtime hadn’t helped him to be comfortable with being gay, and this was just exacerbating that.
Afterwards, Scott and Adam went for a walk. The weather was fine, though a little cool.
While they were out, the phone rang. I listened idly as Mum answered it.
“Hello?”
“Oh, hi, Trevor. Nice to hear from you. How have you been?”
I quickly sat up straight in my chair. Trevor? What was Liz’s brother doing ringing us? Mum caught my eye as she spoke on the phone. All I could do was send her an unspoken sense of panic.
“I’m glad to hear it. Yes, I’m sure he’ll love to talk to her.”
I started shaking my head violently from side to side. How could I speak to Liz?
“Randy! Liz is on the phone. She’d like a word,” Mum called out as she kept eye contact with me. She looked concerned, but I wasn’t sure why. I also didn’t know why Liz wanted to speak to Randy, unless it was because of the phone call I had asked Gary to give her.
I stood and left the living room, passing my brother as he was on his way to the phone. As soon as he was gone I accelerated down the hall to my room. Once in, I slid to the floor with my back resting against the closed door. I knew Liz would want to know about Randy, but why did she have to ring?
My heart was racing and my breathing was short and fast as I struggled to bring myself back under control. I had thought that when we broke up, that would be it. There would be a period of time while we both got over it, and then we could get on with our lives. That’s how it’s supposed to be, but it’s not working out. I keep running into Liz at every turn, with things seemingly forcing us together. I’m forced to sit with her in some classes and to be near her in others. Now she’s even ringing here at home!
I remembered Liz saying that she had been observing my family. She had also been concerned about Randy after the fight at the basketball game.
With a subdued sigh of relief, I realised that was probably all it was. She still liked my brother, and wanted to check how he was. It was causing me a huge load of anxiety, but I felt glad she still cared for him, even though she’d broken up with me.
I looked at the clock. It was early, but not an unreasonable time for me to go to bed. Adam and Scott could have their goodbyes without me being around, and I didn’t want to listen to Randy talk about his conversation with Liz.
As I got undressed there was a knock at the door.
“Are you okay?” my mum called out.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. “I’m having an early night. Goodnight, Mum!”
“Goodnight, David,” came her hesitant and puzzled reply. She knew something was up, but she probably didn’t know if she should push the issue. I was lucky that she decided to let it go.
As I lay down I knew it would be some time before I fell asleep. My mind was racing too much for me to relax properly. My emotions were in a stir, too.
Adam’s presence was still causing major ripples in my life. My relationship with Randy seemed to be heading back to normal, but I was afraid I’d lost Liz for good.
Now, though, Randy had become a target because everyone thought of him as Adam’s boyfriend. For a moment I wished for a time machine so I could go back and wipe out all of the past few days, but with a sigh of resignation I knew that even that wouldn’t work. Adam would still be gay and his dad would still kick him out of home. He would still need a place to stay and everything would still happen.
Because my brother is being attacked, Liz is still hovering around in my life. Like a sore that just keeps getting worse when it’s picked at, my feelings for Liz aren’t settling. Each time she appears, I feel another sharp stab of agony.
Am I being too fatalistic? Is it really over with Liz? We broke up because of my pigheadedness over Adam, but I’ve been working to fix that. She doesn’t want to speak to me; Fiona had made that clear. But maybe there’s some way I can still tell her that I love her and that I am sorry.
It was as I made, and discarded, plans along those lines that I eventually drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, Mum offered to drive us all to school. We discussed it, but Adam thought it would look too much like he was trying to hide. Randy agreed, but I privately thought Mum was right. A bit of breathing space to think about the situation may have been all that was required to make a lot of people back off. But, we found ourselves waiting for the bus, again.
This time Randy was silent. I could tell he was still stewing on the incident with the paint. That concerned me – he normally doesn’t hold onto his anger for that long. There must have been more to it than I could see. I wondered if the hassling and taunts he’d mentioned when Mum and Dad questioned him were eating at him more than he was letting on.
“Giant?”
“Yeah, Stick? What is it?”
“Try to limit yourself to thumping one person a day, okay?” I joked.
When he blushed and turned away I knew I’d scored a hit. He was still thinking about the abuse he’d received, and was working himself into another stormy mood.
“Seriously, try to let it slide. Most will give up if you don’t react to them,” I said.
“Listen to him, Randy,” Adam added. “You can’t fight the whole school. Just stick with your friends and ignore the arseholes.”
Randy was still looking away and I could tell from his posture that he was trying to ignore our advice. He was being obstinate just because he could. He still felt he didn’t need help handling anything that came his way.
“Okay, how’s this?” I began. “You pick which of your mates you want to end up in hospital with a broken nose and two black eyes just because they stuck up for you in a fight you could’ve avoided.”
Spinning on his heels, Randy snarled at me. “That’s a low blow, David.”
“Yes, it was,” I admitted, “but it’s still the truth. Your friends will stick up for you like you stuck up for Adam on Saturday. If you pick the wrong fight, one or more of them could get hurt.”
He stared angrily at me for a couple of seconds before responding.
“Fine,” he spat out through clenched teeth. “I’ll let as much ride as I can.”
It wasn’t good enough, but I knew I wasn’t going to get anything better out of him. When Adam looked like he was going to keep on arguing, I caught his attention and just shook my head. Randy was going to have to learn what he could do, and what he couldn’t, by himself. He won’t listen when he’s in a mood like that.
Randy stormed onto the bus first. I followed quickly behind, as I wanted to be in a position to grab him if I had to. Harrison gave us a nod of acknowledgment as we boarded, and then turned back to the book he was reading.
Randy’s classmates at the back just cringed when they saw us. Without hesitating, Randy marched down and sat in the seat opposite them.
“Hi, guys! How’s things?” he asked with a hint of aggression.
“Uh… fine, thanks, Giant,” the first one answered. The second just bobbed his head up and down nervously, as if agreeing with the first guy.
After quickly looking back at Adam and seeing him indicate to keep going, I moved and sat down in a seat a couple up from where Randy was. I hoped that was close enough to hear what was going on, but not so close that my brother would think I was being overly protective. Adam took the seat opposite me. As I raised my eyebrows in a silent question to him, he just smiled back and slouched down on the seat. It looked like he’d decided he could do the trip without one of us sitting with him. I was glad, because I wanted to keep on eye on what Randy was up to, or at least an ear to his conversation. Turning to watch him would have been a little too obvious.
“Do you have any questions for me? Things you might want to know?” Randy asked with an edge to his voice, daring them to make an issue.
“No, we’re cool!” the spokesman replied quickly.
“Good!” Randy said sharply. “I’m getting a bit annoyed about people who don’t know how to mind their own business, Mark.”
That gave me the name of one of the two. I was tempted to turn and tell my brother to listen to his own advice, but I knew that would just inflame him more.
“Umm, Giant? Can I ask a personal question?” the other one queried.
“Sure, Luke,” Randy answered in a milder tone. It sounded like he might have been calming down. I crossed my fingers, hoping that Luke wouldn’t ask a dumb question.
“How long have you and Adam been going out?” Luke asked tentatively.
I tensed up, worried that Randy was going to blow up at the question.
“Adam’s not my boyfriend!” Randy stated firmly. “Understand? I’m… not… gay!”
“Okay, Giant,” Luke replied quickly, trying to placate my brother, “I was only asking.”
“Why doesn’t anyone believe me?” Randy asked, pleadingly.
I didn’t need to turn around to know that he was looking up at the roof of the bus, with his arms raised as if asking for divine intervention. He was getting frustrated because everyone thinks he’s gay. He does the same thing every time other people confuse him.
For a while there was only the engine and road noise in the bus. No one was talking. Adam seemed relaxed, just gazing out at nothing. I quickly glanced back and saw my brother scowling out the window. Mark and Luke kept giving him worried looks, but seemed too scared to actually say anything.
Most of the students who boarded at the next stop sat down at the front of the bus. One girl, I think in year 11, came down to where we were sitting.
“Is this seat taken?”
I twisted around and saw her smiling at my brother. I could see Adam had also turned in his seat, looking puzzled and maybe a touch anxious.
“Not at all.” Randy smiled back at her and shuffled across to the window to give her room.
I turned back to face the front and looked over at Adam, who just shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know what that was about, either.
My best guess was that she was one of those girls who wanted to find out for herself whether or not Randy’s gay. But why didn’t she try Adam? I personally think Randy is better looking than Adam, but he has that indescribable aura that indicates he’s also young.
Going out with a girl for a few weeks would do a lot to settle the rumours Randy’s gay, but that girl was too old for him. There’s really only one way he’d be able to demonstrate that he’s not gay, and I was a bit nervous about that. He’s already implied to me that he’s not a virgin, but he’s still a bit young to know when not to have sex.
Sighing, I slumped into my seat. There was nothing I could do. Randy is his own person and has to make his own mistakes.
A few minutes later I looked back to find the two having a whispered conversation. Neither looked particularly happy, so it certainly wasn’t a lighthearted chat. As I watched, the girl smiled, leant over and gave Randy a kiss on the cheek. He blushed and gave her a small smile. I was just about to turn away when she stood up and moved to another seat. I was still staring when Randy caught sight of me. Glaring at me, he silently told me to mind my own business.
What the fuck was that all about? I knew better than to ask my brother after we got off the bus. He can be incredibly tight-lipped at times, and the mood he was in just made it worse.
When Rick boarded the bus he came straight to the back and sat down next to me. What was good was that he included Adam in our conversation. Rick started chatting about the other teams in our competition, and we spent the rest of the trip talking about various incidents that had occurred through the season. Partway through, Randy moved up to the seat behind me and joined in as well. It was almost like old times, with Adam added to the mix. We were so busy, I don’t think any of us paid any attention to anyone else on the bus.
When we arrived at school we found Gary and Mary waiting for us. They greeted all of us warmly, which just reinforced the improvement in Randy’s mood that Rick had started on the bus. Adam was a little tense, but as soon as he spotted Scott most of that disappeared. I reminded myself, again, that I needed to tell Adam to try to avoid being too obvious.
A feeling of optimism grew as the morning progressed. I still sat at the back of the English class, but otherwise things were reverting slowly back to normal. Our classmates seemed to be taking Adam in their stride. There was a little bit of uneasiness from a few, but nothing that seemed significant. It was only as we moved between classes that we heard any comments, but Adam coolly ignored them.
At lunchtime, Michael told us what he’d found out about the guy from the day before. His name is Nick Tremen, a year 11 student and a bit of a loner. The only piece of gossip that Michael had managed to pick up was that although he is an above average student, he had repeated year 9. His parents had divorced near the end of that year, and the stress at home must have affected his final grades.
There wasn’t a lot there, but at least we had a name to go with the face. I hadn’t seen him all day, and I had been careful to keep an eye out for him. Maybe the day before had been a one-off incident, and whatever grudge or hate he had for gays had been satisfied by the paint prank.
Even Luke Williams had been conspicuous by his absence. Someone had remarked that they had seen him with his cronies down at the far end of the school, but he was staying out of the way.
I checked in on Randy and saw that his friends seemed to have him well in hand, so I left without approaching them. As I walked back I overheard a couple of girls making comments about how disgusting it was that they let perverts into the school. Otherwise, things seemed normal.
I was smiling when I rejoined the other guys.
“What are you grinning about?” Gary asked me.
“Just that it seems things are settling back to normal,” I replied.
“Unless it’s the calm before the storm,” Scott muttered, though we all heard him clearly.
“It’s too early to say,” Michael interjected. “I’m hearing a lot of comments, so the grapevine is still working overtime. After Luke got shot down by Ian on Monday, I think they’re waiting to see what happens next.”
“Yeah, but most people seem to be taking it in their stride. It’s only a handful who look like they might be a problem,” I pointed out.
“It only takes one,” Michael responded solemnly.
“Anyway, that’s only the students,” Adam added glumly. “We’ve got Sister Brenda next, remember?”
The Sister from Hell. She teaches our Religious Education classes. They’re only once a week, which is just as well, as it’s sometimes that long before we’ve recovered enough to face her again.
After Adam had damped my spirits with that reminder, the rest of the lunch break passed too quickly. Long before it seemed right, we were entering our next classroom.
We sat down and awaited the arrival of Sister Brenda. Having her as our Religious Education teacher gives us a benchmark for the horror stories we sometimes hear about disciplinarian nuns. Everyone is absolutely terrified of her. I’ve never managed to work out why, even though I am, too. Normally in a class there’s a soft whisper in the background, as the students quietly talk about whatever they want. With Sister Brenda, everyone is absolutely silent until she asks a question. Then it’s a case of, “Yes, Sister Brenda. No, Sister Brenda. I’m sorry, I don’t know, Sister Brenda.” In her class, you never just say you don’t know; it has to be prefaced with an apology. She’s never told us to do it, but it just seems necessary when she stares down at you with those dark, angry eyes of hers.
As least we’re luckier than the kids at the local Catholic school. As a non-denominational Christian school we’re not linked to any of the major churches, but instead have a broad spectrum of teachers. Sister Brenda is the only member of a religious order who teaches at our school.
Adam and I exchanged nervous glances. Would she treat him any different, now? It was clear from a few comments heard earlier that day that the teachers knew. Both of our teachers that morning had had a quiet word with Adam at some stage during their classes. Adam told me afterwards that they just told him that if he had any trouble he was free to come and see them at any time.
I tried to offer him a smile of encouragement, but Sister Brenda’s presence could be felt in that room, even when she wasn’t there. Something as lighthearted as a smile just felt out of place.
Just as the bell sounded, a short, stout man wearing a grey suit walked into the classroom.
“Good afternoon, class. My name is Mr. Martin. I will be teaching you, today. Sister Brenda is unfortunately laid up with a virus. We all pray that she will be up and about as soon as possible.”
A substitute teacher!
An audible sigh went through the room as everyone let go of their tension. It would be another week, at least, before we would have to face the Sister from Hell.
Adam gave me a relieved grin as he visibly relaxed back into his seat. I was feeling happy, at least in comparison to how I had felt before Mr. Martin had walked in, as the teacher started to read out the class roll.
“Johnson, David.”
“Here, sir,” I responded with a raised arm when he reached my name in the roll. As I lowered it I suddenly felt uneasy. Up until then he had just been reading the names and marking them off as each person responded. After my name there was a noticeable pause as he stared at me before going to the next name.
“Kennedy, Adam.”
“Present, sir,” Adam responded. That time everyone caught it. Mr. Martin grimaced at Adam for several long seconds before lowering his head and reading the next name on the class list.
As he continued the roll call, most of the students were whispering to their neighbours. From the glances they all gave Adam, it was clear what the topic was. Maybe Sister Brenda wasn’t the only one we needed to be cautious about. Adam was sitting stiffly again, eyes fixed forward and grim determination in his expression. I knew from our earlier discussions that he wasn’t going to give the teacher a chance to pick fault, if he could help it.
Once he had finished checking the names, Mr. Martin walked around to the front of the teacher’s desk.
“I understand that Sister Brenda has been instructing you on the differences between Christianity and Islam. While normally I would continue that instruction, I do not wish to interfere with her excellent teaching. Instead, we will spend this class on some complementary education.”
His delivery was flat; almost emotionless. A sense of passion or zeal seemed to drive him, but little of that coloured his voice.
“While there are many differences between the two religions, there are many commonalities as well,” he continued, before suddenly lifting his arm and pointing at me.
“Mr. Johnson, why is that?”
I rose to my feet to answer. Of all our teachers, only Sister Brenda insists on that. There was something about this guy, though, that made me cling to the formality of that action. It also gave me a precious couple of seconds to consider my answer.
“Because Islam was originally derived from the same teachings that form the basis of Christianity. They consider Jesus to be a prophet, instead of the Messiah, but they still respect him and the prophets before him,” I replied carefully.
He gave me a hard stare before nodding. As I sat down he started pacing slowly across the front of the room.
“Basically, correct. As a consequence of this, there are many areas in which the Islamic religion has the same principles and codes of behaviour as Christianity,” he said.
“One of the more prominent issues on which the two religions agree is the subject of homosexuality.”
I stiffened and stared at him with narrowed eyes. I’m not sure, but I think he flicked his gaze in the direction of Adam for a moment. Otherwise, he was being painstakingly careful to avoid looking at Adam.
“Sir, are you referring to Leviticus, Chapter 20, Verse 13, where it says that if a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, they both must be put to death?” Adam asked, as he rose to his feet.
Mr. Martin’s head snapped around at the question. It was clear that he hadn’t expected to be challenged in that way.
“Correct, Mr. Kennedy. The Bible is extremely clear on the subject. Homosexuality is an abomination,” he replied, distaste evident in his tone and posture.
“I’ve noticed that Verse 10 of the same chapter says that if a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, both should also be put to death. I take it, sir, that you have the same feelings for Wayne Carey as you do for homosexuals,” Adam replied with a faint grin.
A whisper ran through the class. Wayne Carey was the captain of the North Melbourne football team in the Australian Football League until it was discovered that he was having an affair with the wife of one of his teammates. Though many considered him to be one of the best players in the competition, he was forced to quit the club and go into hiding to avoid the media pack that descended on him.
Adam’s linking so strongly the subjects of homosexuality and adultery was causing a stir.
Mr. Martin stood there, gobsmacked, while the noise of the class escalated.
“That is enough, Mr. Kennedy. Resume your seat and refrain from any more outbursts,” he eventually stated loudly.
“But, sir, I’m only trying to learn. If the Bible says that both of these behaviours should be punished by death, surely that means that both are equal?” Adam asked politely, though he remained standing.
“Mr. Kennedy, please return to your seat!”
“But, sir…” Adam started.
“Now – or I will be forced to place you on detention!”
Smirking faintly, Adam resumed his seat.
Mr. Martin glared at him before turning to the rest of the class. “Now, as I was saying, Islam and Christianity both consider homosexuality to be an abomination. It is not to be tolerated.”
“Actually, sir, that’s not true,” Adam interjected, though he remained seated that time.
“I’m warning you, Mr. Kennedy,” Mr. Martin said ominously.
“The different branches of the Christian Church don’t have the same opinion on this subject. The Uniting Church of Australia, for example, is currently debating if they’ll allow homosexuals as ministers. It obviously can’t be an abomination if they are considering that,” Adam said quickly.
“That’s enough! Out of my class, at once!” The teacher’s face had gone red with anger.
“But I’m only asking questions, or correcting mistakes. Isn’t that what we’re here for?” Adam asked, looking a little shocked at Mr. Martin’s over-the-top reaction.
“Out!” Mr. Martin yelled, pointing to the door.
Adam gathered up his belongings and stood up. As he headed to the door, he paused.
“I don’t how you can call yourself a teacher when you can’t even answer simple questions,” he stated with disgust.
“Get out, you disgusting pervert! I won’t have your kind in my class!”
Mr. Martin shocked the entire room into momentary silence with that outburst.
I stood up as Adam reached the door.
“That was wrong, and you know it, Mr. Martin,” I stated loudly, putting as much derision into the teacher’s name as I could.
“You can get out, too. I’ve heard about you and your brother!” the teacher screamed.
He had just hit the wrong button.
“How dare you say anything about my brother!” I yelled. “He’s a much more decent Christian than you are. He knows how to care for someone, not just yell abuse. He shows a lot more Christian values than you’re showing! I’m not going to sit around and let you abuse your position by accusing Adam or my brother! I’m not leaving this room because you’ve told me to. I’m going because I don’t want to listen to the fucking rubbish you’re spewing out!”
At the edge of my vision I saw Adam standing by the door with an open mouth. I didn’t care what he or anyone else thought. I’d had enough.
I picked up my bag and threw back into it the few things I’d taken out of it, and then straightened up to find the teacher writing furiously on a piece a paper on his desk. As I approached, he folded it in two.
“Here! Take this to the office. I’ll be checking at the end of the period, so don’t even think of not taking it there. I don’t want to see either of you two again!” he said, slamming the paper into my chest.
I scrunched the paper as I closed my fist on it. I was tempted to throw it into the bin as I walked out the door, but a little voice in the back of my mind was telling me that I was in enough trouble already. I didn’t care – no one badmouths my brother in front of me!
“Come on, Adam. Let’s find somewhere where the air’s not putrid,” I stated loudly as I stormed out of the room.
My temper cooled slightly as we walked to the office.
“Thanks for sticking up for me, David,” Adam said quietly.
“That fucking excuse for a teacher!” I replied, temper rising again. “You raised reasonable questions and he couldn’t answer them! Then he goes over the top, calling you a pervert!”
I had taken a couple of steps before I realised Adam had stopped. I turned and found him staring at me with a puzzled look.
“What?” I asked, irritated.
“You called me worse than that on Friday night,” he said softly.
I turned away as I felt myself go red with embarrassment. My anger slipped away at the same time, as I heard the truth in that statement.
“I reacted without thinking,” I muttered as I looked at my feet. “I shouldn’t have said those things,” I added apologetically, looking over my shoulder at Adam.
He stared for a few seconds longer, then grinned. “Apology accepted, David.”
I felt a surge of exultation, sensing that at last he’d finally forgiven me for what I had said that night.
As we recommenced our trek to the office, Adam asked, “What’s in the note?”
Guiltily, I opened it up. I’d forgotten it was still in my fist. It was lucky that I hadn’t dropped it along the way.
Reading it quickly, I was surprised at how unemotional the note was.
“He’s reporting us for disrespect, disrupting the class, and abusive language,” I replied. “He wants us suspended.”
After a moment’s reflection I added, “He can’t get you on the last one. I was the only one who swore at him.”
“Somehow I don’t find that particularly comforting,” Adam responded dryly.
“I didn’t think I’d ever say anything like this, but I think Sister Brenda would’ve been preferable to that guy,” I remarked. “She’s a bitch, but she’s never been so unreasonable.”
“I think you’re right,” Adam agreed. “And I’m thinking that respect has to work both ways. He’s reporting us for being disrespectful. I’m going to report him as well for what he said to me as I was leaving.”
“Great! I hope he never gets another teaching job,” I said, feeling a little happier over what could happen to that excuse for a teacher.
I handed the note to the person at the front desk when we arrived at the office. After quickly reading it, she suddenly straightened.
“I think you boys had better wait here. I’ll get someone to see you as soon as I can,” she stated, before heading down the corridor to what I now knew was the vice principal’s office. After knocking, she went through the door.
Dropping into the seats that were there, Adam and I looked at each other. Apprehension was beginning to set in on what we’d done and what it could mean.
“What do you think will happen?” Adam asked tentatively after a minute of silent waiting.
I shrugged. “If there is justice in the world, he’ll get fired. However, at best, I think we’re in for some detention. I’m not sure I want to think of what the worst could be,” I admitted.
“The worst is suspension,” a dry voice replied from the direction of the corridor. “If Mr. Martin had written anything about either of you committing physical violence, it would be expulsion.”
We looked up to see Ms. Ng standing there, holding that little piece of paper that was beginning to mean so much. The diminutive vice principal didn’t look happy.
“Come into my office and tell me what happened,” she said, sounding resigned as she turned and walked away.
Scrambling to our feet and grabbing our bags, Adam and I followed her. At the entrance to her office she waved us inside and then entered and closed the door.
Adam and I looked at the chairs in front of the desk, but with one accord we elected to remain standing. We felt like little kids about to be reprimanded and it seemed better to be standing.
As she sat on her side of the desk, she frowned at us. “Sit down, please. I’ve already checked and none of your teachers have ever reported anything like this before, so I want to know what’s happened. When people do something out of character, there’s always a reason.”
Adam and I sat down quickly.
“While I can guess what’s going on, I’d like your side of the story first. Adam, can you please start?” Ms. Ng asked. She sat with an air of polite attention that indicated that she was willing to listen with an open mind.
Adam started nervously, but he quickly gained some confidence when he realised that the vice principal was listening respectfully as he recanted the events.
As he was finishing, Adam added, “I would like to register a formal complaint about Mr. Martin’s behaviour. He was disrespectful and abusive to a student who was only trying to seek clarification on what he was trying to teach.”
He said it stiffly, but he looked Ms. Ng in the eye while he was doing it.
“Thank you, Mr. Kennedy. I have recorded your complaint,” she replied, as she made some notes. She then looked up and asked, “Do you have anything you’d like to add, Mr. Johnson?”
I thought about it. Adam had done a good job of stating what had occurred. He’d done it with as little emotion as he could, going for clarity instead
“I’d just like to state that I’m sorry that I swore. I did it in response to Mr. Martin’s implications about my brother who wasn’t there to defend himself, but that does not excuse it. Otherwise, Adam’s given a pretty good account of what happened.”
“Thank you, Mr. Johnson,” she said with a faint smile. “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to stay at the office. I can’t make any decisions without first hearing Mr. Martin’s side of the story. There is an empty room down the corridor to the right. You have exams next week, so I suggest you spend the rest of the day studying. Now, if you’ll excuse me?”
As she rose to her feet, Adam and I jumped up.
“Thank you, Ms. Ng,” Adam said politely, before heading to the door.
“Yes, thank you,” I added. As I turned away I thought I caught a glimpse of a smile on her face, but when I glanced back she was looking at me with a neutral expression. At least it didn’t look like she was pre-judging us.
We found the empty room and sat down after closing the door. I knew I wasn’t really in the mood to study, and I doubted Adam was.
“I think that went pretty well,” Adam stated nervously, as he looked across the table at me.
“You were honest. If they believe us, we should be okay,” I said, trying to make myself feel more confident.
“Yeah, we should be all right,” Adam agreed, as if saying it would make it so.
We sat looking at each other, not bothering to hide our worry. Our parents were going to kill us, regardless of what the school did.
I eventually broke the silence. “Can you help me with my maths, Adam? It’ll give us something to do.”
He sighed. “Sure, David, as long as you help me with my English homework, afterwards.”
“Done,” I said, with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. I knew that Adam understood the reason for that.
We studied until the bell rang for the end of the period. With an unspoken agreement, we stopped what we were doing. Mr. Martin would soon be with Ms. Ng, giving his side of the story.
“You know, if he tries to stretch the truth, we have most of the class who can give evidence on what really happened,” I said, trying to find something positive.
“I think the VP has already worked that out,” Adam replied dryly before continuing in a worried tone. “I’m more nervous about what she thinks about gays. Is she going to be biased because I’m gay?”
I threw my hands up in the air. “I have no idea. She didn’t give anything away while we were with her. Maybe that means she doesn’t mind?” I suggested hopefully.
Adam grimaced. “I’ve got my fingers, toes and legs crossed. I can’t do much else.”
“Try crossing your eyes, too,” I suggested, trying to be helpful.
After taking a second to absorb that little gem of advice, Adam gave a short laugh. “Thanks, Stick. I needed that.”
He’d used my nickname! Carefully pushing my delight into a corner of my mind, I reminded myself that he was stressed. He might have just used my nickname from past habit, without really meaning it. I decided to ignore it. If it really did show a change in heart, he’d do it again. In the meantime it represented hope, at least on that front.
“I meant to ask, before. How did you know about that stuff you said to the teacher in class?”
He grinned. “Web sites. I checked them out last night, so I’d be ready for whatever came up today. I had a whole lot more material ready to go, but I didn’t get a chance to use it.”
“Like what?”
“Like all the other things in Leviticus that no one pays any attention to anymore. Did you know that our school uniform is expressly forbidden?”
“You’re joking!” I said in disbelief.
“Nope. It clearly states you are not supposed to wear clothing made of mixed fibres. Our uniform is a polyester-cotton blend,” he said smugly.
As I sat there with my mouth open, he added, “I believe there is something in the New Testament that implies that a lot of those things don’t apply anymore. That’s what a minister told me once when I asked about the mixed fibre thing, but if that’s the case, how come they are so selective about what still applies?”
We chatted about some of the things that he had read, and it was certainly an eye opener. I was planning on dragging out my Bible and double-checking them when I got home.
“Petria Silk to the office. Can Petria Silk please come to the office?”
We stopped at the announcement from the PA system.
“She’s in our class. They’re starting to cross-check our stories,” Adam remarked. I nodded. It seemed likely. Petria is one of the better students, conscientious and hard-working. She also does some volunteer work outside of school hours. Overall, she has a reputation of being honest, so it made sense for her to be called up if our story disagreed with Mr. Martin’s.
Adam and I pulled out our English books and returned to our study. We hadn’t been going very long when the PA system made another announcement.
“Tristan MacDonald to the office. Can Tristan MacDonald please come to the office?”
We looked at each other. “Another one?” I asked, worried. “Why?”
Adam looked thoughtful. “I think it’s good news. If Petria’s story agreed with Mr. Martin’s, they wouldn’t have gone any further – just taken his word over ours. If they’re getting more stories, then it may be as evidence against him. Don’t forget, I lodged a complaint, too. They may be checking that out.”
Three more names from our class were called over the next hour. It seemed that Adam’s theory was the most likely one. They wouldn’t be going to that much trouble if they thought that Mr. Martin was innocent.
I became alarmed, however, as another name was called shortly before the end of school.
“Randy Johnson to the office. Can Randy Johnson please come to the office?”
I stared at Adam across the table. The concern I felt was mirrored in his eyes.
“What do you think that’s about?” he asked me nervously.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It can’t have anything to do with us, can it?”
Adam shook his head. “I don’t see how it could. Maybe something else has happened?” he suggested hopefully.
I had joked that morning about Randy restricting himself to thumping one person a day. I hadn’t been serious, and I knew that my brother knew I wasn’t serious, but I wondered if he had been called to the office because he had laid into someone, anyway.
My ability to do any further studying had gone out the window. Adam managed to force himself back to his books, but I just sat there, staring into space. I couldn’t work out what was going on, and until I had the answer, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else.
The door opened and I leapt to my feet. I saw Ms. Ng standing in the doorway.
“What’s happened to my brother?” I blurted out. “Is something wrong?”
The vice principal stood silent for a moment, a raised eyebrow her only indication that she had heard me and was considering a response.
“You’ll find out soon enough, but no, nothing is wrong,” she eventually answered. “In the meantime, you should be more concerned about your own fate. Please pack up your books and come to my office.”
With that, she turned and left. I threw my books into my school bag with no consideration for damaging them. If I ripped a page or two, they could be repaired. I had more important concerns on my mind. I wouldn’t find out what was going on with Randy until Ms. Ng had finished dealing with Adam and me.
I stood impatiently while Adam stored his books away in a more normal manner. As soon as the last book was away, and even before he had lifted his bag off the table, I was out the door.
Once Adam had joined me outside the VP’s office, I knocked loudly. Barely waiting for permission to enter, I opened the door and stepped inside.
“Sit down, please,” Ms. Ng said politely, indicating two seats in front of her desk.
Adam sat properly, but I perched on the edge of my seat, leaning forward anxiously. As soon as we were still, Ms. Ng started speaking.
“Mr. Johnson, your behaviour in the Religious Education class was totally unacceptable. For the school to function, a certain level of respect must be maintained between the teachers and pupils. The comments that have been reported to me show that you well and truly crossed that line. Now,” she added, lifting a hand to forestall me as I opened my mouth to respond, “I will concede that Mr. Martin also crossed that line, and appropriate actions are being taken in that respect. However, your being provoked does not justify what you did. We are trying to teach you to become a responsible young Christian. You have shown that you still have some way to go before you can be considered to be an adult.”
She paused and looked down at some papers on her desk. I thought about saying something, but there was enough truth in what she had said; enough to keep me quiet. I waited nervously for the punishment.
“Mr. Johnson,” she started formally, looking up and catching my eye, “after reviewing your past record, and taking the provocation into account, Mr. Pitt and I have decided to be lenient. You are suspended from school for the rest of the week. As you have exams next week, I seriously recommend that you use that time to study hard. You will not have the benefit of any more reviews with your teachers before you take your exams.”
She waited a moment for me to absorb what she’d said, before continuing.
“If you consider this too severe, you can ask your parents to contact either Mr. Pitt or me. However, as we have already discussed this with your mother, and she is in full agreement with the punishment, I sincerely doubt that that will occur.”
I rocked back in surprise. I had been worried about how to tell my parents, but that wasn’t a problem anymore; the school had done that for me. Now I just had to face Mum’s fury. I had a sinking feeling that being suspended was going to be the least of my worries.
Ms. Ng turned to Adam and stared at him for several long seconds before speaking.
“Mr. Kennedy, your behaviour was not as severe as Mr. Johnson’s, but, for various reasons, Mr. Pitt, Mrs. Johnson, your current guardian, and I have decided to suspend you, too, for the rest of this week. This may sound unfair, but we have our reasons for being harsh.”
She looked sympathetically at Adam as she continued in a more kind and less formal tone.
“You, more than anyone else in this school, must learn that you are not free to retaliate to attacks, verbal or otherwise. We all sympathise with what you are going to face, and we will do everything we can to prevent incidents here at the school, but we’re powerless outside of these grounds. Even on school property, we’re unable to monitor the behaviour of every student. There will be times when standing up for yourself will be the right thing to do. What you need to learn is how to identify those times, and what is the best way to respond.”
Adam nodded thoughtfully to Ms. Ng’s comments, though there was an underlying anger showing in his posture and expression. When he didn’t say anything, Ms. Ng continued.
“The two-day suspension will give you time to think about what I’ve said, as well as give us time to reinforce the lesson of tolerance on the rest of the students and on the teachers. We are all praying that incidents of this type will not be repeated, but we’re realistic enough to know that they probably will. Please work with us, Adam,” she said, using his given name for the first time. “We’ll do everything we can to allow you to learn in peace.”
“Thank you,” Adam replied softly. “For understanding, if nothing else.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry, Adam, I really am. I wish things could be different, but they aren’t. I can’t even guarantee that you won’t experience bias from your teachers, though Mr. Pitt and I will be using these two days to try to ensure that you won’t. What we need from you is for you to avoid escalating things, and to let us know who causes you problems.”
I was shocked to see Adam actually sneer at the vice principal. I thought she was bending over backwards to try to help him; even going as far as to admit that he might have problems with some of the other teachers.
“Yeah, right. And what can you do when it’s just my word against theirs? All that will do is to make everyone else start resenting me for dobbing them in,” Adam stated bitterly.
Ms. Ng stared dispassionately at Adam until he began to fidget.
“We want to help, Adam, but we can’t do it if you won’t let us,” she said quietly. “Life’s not perfect. We all know that, but you don’t have to go through this alone. Just give us a chance to do what we can.”
When Adam didn’t respond, Ms. Ng dragged herself wearily to her feet.
“Okay, then. It’s time to go to the principal’s office. Your mother and brother will be waiting there, Mr. Johnson.”
“What was he paged for?” I asked quickly, as I rose to my feet.
She smiled at me. “Nothing to be worried about,” she answered soothingly. “We called your mother in because of your misdemeanour, and she took the opportunity to inform us of some incidents involving your brother. Now, school’s finished for the day, so I think it’s time for you to go home.”
She walked around her desk and waited for Adam and me to pick up our bags and precede her out the door. She then led us down to the principal’s office. After knocking, she opened the door and ushered us inside. Randy was sitting with Mum in front of Mr. Pitt’s desk. Randy looked up with a nervous grin at the sight of us. I think he was happy to see us, but whether it was because of where he was, or why we were there, he was still clearly concerned about something. Mum stood up as we entered the room. She was furious, and I could tell that I was one of the targets of that anger. I tried to make myself as small as possible, even though I knew that was a wasted effort.
“Any problems, Jeni?” Mr. Pitt asked the vice principal.
“Nothing serious. Adam has the valid concern that if it comes down to his word against someone else’s, he’ll lose,” Ms. Ng replied. “I don’t think there is much we can do about that. Hopefully, he’ll tell us about any problem, so we can keep an eye on the situation, even if we can’t do anything initially.”
Adam looked at her in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected her to take in what he’d said in her office. There are so few adults who actually listen to what we teenagers say.
“If there is nothing more, I think it’s time to take these boys home,” Mum said with an angry edge to her voice.
“I don’t believe there is anything more to discuss at the moment, Mrs. Johnson. Thank you very much for coming in,” Mr. Pitt replied as he rose to his feet.
“No, thank you for putting up with these two,” Mum replied. “I would’ve suspended them for a week, and just failed them on their exams next week.”
Adam and I exchanged worried glances. Mum clearly didn’t think the school’s decision was harsh enough. The only question left was whether we’d find out the rest of our punishment in the car or have to wait until Dad got home.
The answer to that was quick. Mum talked to Randy in the car, but studiously ignored Adam and me. We were left to stew on our own, wondering anxiously what would be thrown at us. Strangely, the punishment that was usually reserved for the more heinous offences didn’t apply to me. Stopping me from seeing Liz wasn’t applicable, anymore. They could ban Adam from having Scott come to see him, but I doubted they would go that far. As even Ms. Ng had acknowledged, Adam’s suspension was already harsher than he deserved.
As I went through ways I could be punished, I came to the realisation that my parents really didn’t have many options. Withholding spending money was no longer a big deal for me, as I didn’t feel like going out. Grounding me was a waste of time for the same reason. The most likely thing they would do would be to give me additional chores around the farm. Even that wouldn’t be a big deal – getting out in the fresh air can be a real pleasure at times.
I climbed out of the car with a fatalistic air when we arrived home.
“Inside,” Mum said curtly, the first time she’d addressed Adam and me directly since we’d gotten into trouble.
Randy had already disappeared down the path to the house as Adam and I headed off.
“What do you think she’ll do?” Adam whispered to me.
“No ideas, but I think I’ll get it harder than you, whatever it is,” I replied quietly, trying to reassure Adam.
Inside the house, I noticed that the light on the answering machine was flashing. Randy was already gone, presumably to get out of his school uniform and into something more trendy. I’m used to that; his first priority when he gets home is almost always to get changed.
As I put my school bag down and headed to the fridge to get something to drink, Mum piped up from behind me.
“David, there is a pile of clothes in the laundry that I was just about to iron when the school called,” she started dryly. “I expect them to be finished before you have dinner.”
“Ironing?” I asked in disbelief as I looked back her. About the only thing I knew about ironing clothes was that it wasn’t something I was supposed to do.
“Start with Randy’s school clothes, as he needs them for tomorrow,” she added, turning away. “Don’t burn them.”
I looked at Adam.
“Do you know how to iron?” I asked hopefully.
“Sure, it’s not hard. I’ve been ironing my own clothes for a couple of years,” he responded.
“Adam, David has to do it. You can show him what to do, and criticise to your heart’s content, but you are not to help him, understand?” Mum interrupted from where she was pulling things out of the freezer. “Once you’ve done that, come back here and start cooking dinner. Anything you ruin, you and David have to eat. I’m going to get changed and go ride my horse. I need some fresh air,” she finished flatly.
Adam cringed. My mum had managed to accurately pick chores for each of us that we were incompetent at. I knew from Adam’s expression that I needn’t look forward to dinner.
After showing me the basics of ironing, Adam disappeared back to the kitchen. I heard Mum playing back the messages on the machine, but I couldn’t make out what they were. I thought one of the voices sounded like Scott’s, which wasn’t surprising, but one of the messages was definitely from a female.
I slowly ironed away. It was painstaking and mind-deadening work. I had to concentrate, though, because I knew I’d have to re-do anything that Mum didn’t consider up to scratch.
I heard the door open and close shortly after I started, and then the sounds of someone bouncing a basketball. Randy must have decided to get some practise in. I felt a small surge of jealousy, but suppressed it quickly. There was no reason for Randy to suffer for what Adam and I had done.
When I left the laundry after finishing the last of the clothes and putting the iron away, I found Adam setting the table for dinner. He looked up as I came out and gave me a wry smile.
“It should be edible,” he stated, before adding hesitantly, “I think….”
I frowned, then shrugged.
“The way I’m feeling, I don’t think I’ll have much of an appetite, ” I remarked despondently as Mum opened the door, coming back in from her ride.
“That’s too bad, David,” Mum remarked with a distinct lack of sympathy, “because you’re going to have to eat it all, regardless of how you’re feeling.”
Not bothering to respond, I dragged myself down the hallway to my room. It was about time I got changed out of my uniform and into something more comfortable.
Dad showed up soon afterwards, and then it was time for dinner. Mum had been kind to Adam, as it was a fairly simple dinner of grilled lamb chops and a selection of vegetables.
“So, what happened at school today?” Dad asked automatically, as he started to serve up some of the mashed potatoes.
“Adam and David decided to get suspended,” Mum responded sarcastically on our behalf.
“It wasn’t our fault,” I piped up defensively. “We had a bigoted relief teacher who decided to pick on Adam, and we just stood up to him.”
Dad paused and stared at first me, then Adam. As he slowly resumed the transferring of food from the serving dishes to his plate, he looked back at me.
“How long are you suspended for?” Dad asked.
“Until the end of the week,” I replied glumly.
Dad looked at Adam. “And you?”
“Same,” Adam answered quietly. “Sorry to cause trouble, Mr. Castle.”
“Call me Kevin, or Dad,” my dad said absently as he slowly started to eat. “What happened?”
“Sister Brenda was off sick, so we had a Mr. Martin as a substitute teacher for Religious Instruction,” Adam explained cautiously. He’d never been involved in a Johnson family dispute, and was clearly being careful about what he was saying.
“He almost immediately launched into an attack on homosexuals, and wasn’t happy when I questioned him on it,” he continued.
“Adam was polite and restrained,” I added. “He didn’t say anything rude or disrespectful.”
“At least not then,” Mum interjected sourly. “Later on, it was a different story.”
Randy was listening with great interest. I don’t think anyone had filled him in on the details of what had happened.
“Adam was justified in everything he said!” I stated forcefully. “Mr. Martin is a bigoted fool who should never have been a teacher!”
“Leaving that aside, what about you?” Mum asked me crossly. “Polite and restrained are not the first words that spring to mind for what I was told that you said.”
“David was just defending me and Randy,” Adam replied, as I cringed at Mum’s heavy sarcasm.
“Can anyone give me a short summary of what happened, without the social commentary?” Dad asked dryly as he looked around the table.
Adam looked at me nervously. While I thought he could probably give a better answer than I could – he had given an excellent one to Ms. Ng – I appreciated that he didn’t want to make too many waves while he was still settling into the family.
“Adam questioned Mr. Martin on the chapter of Leviticus that condemns homosexuals, and asked if he held the same views on adultery, which is condemned in the same chapter,” I started, trying to be as dispassionate and honest as possible. Hedging the truth was unlikely to work, as I was pretty sure that Mum had received a full account of what had been said.
“The teacher didn’t have a response, and just told Adam to shut up. He then said that homosexuality is considered an abomination by the Christian churches, and Adam pointed out that the Uniting Church doesn’t have that opinion. Mr. Martin lost it, then, and ordered Adam out of the class. Adam told him that he was incompetent, to which the teacher made a comment about deviants. I stood up and defended Adam, and Mr. Martin then made an abusive comment about Randy.”
I paused and looked down at the table before adding softly, “I, umm… blew up at that, and swore at him. That’s when I was kicked out, too, and we were both sent to the office.”
“Good on you, Stick!” Randy stated enthusiastically.
“Randy!” Mum snapped.
“But Mum, David didn’t do anything wrong. He was just defending his brothers. Isn’t that what he was supposed to do?” Randy asked.
I looked up and saw Mum start to say something, but Dad interrupted her.
“I’d like to hear David’s answer to that one,” he stated non-judgementally, while catching the eye of my mum.
I looked at him, and then back at Mum, who pursed her lips and nodded sharply. She glared angrily at me.
I knew what he was doing. I either had to justify my actions, which would basically say that Mum and the school were wrong, or admit that I was at fault, when I knew I wasn’t totally to blame. Looking for a target for the surge of resentment that I was feeling, I focused on Mr. Martin. I was angry at Dad, but he was just making me take responsibility for my actions; something he’s done before. I was angry at Mum for not sticking up more for us against the school, but I knew that I was partially at fault on that front. I even felt anger at Adam for being gay, but that was a road I’d travelled before, and I knew it lead to a dead end. Ultimately, I was mad at Mr. Martin for refusing to accept that Adam has a right to be left in peace.
Adam gave me a look of sympathy as he realised the predicament I was in. I took a deep breath and tried to give the best answer that I could.
“Giant, while defending you and Adam was the right thing to do, it was the way I did it that was wrong. I shouldn’t have sworn at the teacher, and it was for that that I ended up getting suspended,” I admitted.
“Well done, David,” Dad said quietly. His pride in me was evident in the smile he gave me.
With a worried frown, he turned to Mum.
“What did the school say about the teacher?” he asked. His concern was clear.
She scowled while looking out into the distance. I had the impression that it wasn’t us that she was scowling at.
“Adam filed an official complaint about his behaviour. They investigated and found the complaint justified. He should never have been teaching, with an attitude like his,” she conceded.
She gave Adam and me a faint smile. “The two boys were justified in getting upset. As they said, that teacher is a homophobic bigot. He shouldn’t be allowed to call himself a Christian,” she stated, still with a touch of anger in her voice. I relaxed slightly, knowing I wasn’t the target.
Dad nodded in agreement and asked, “Did you discuss the possibility of other teachers like that being at the school?”
“Yes, I did,” Mum said. “Both Mr. Pitt and Ms. Ng expressed their support, and are planning on pulling out all the stops for the next two days to try to ensure there won’t be a repeat. With both the principal and vice principal onside, I think we can expect no more problems from that quarter.”
Randy, Adam and I were listening quietly to this conversation. It was almost as if our parents had forgotten we were there. I was heartened by the fact that what we were hearing made Ms. Ng’s comments to us seem even more supportive.
Mum caught my eye, and then Adam’s.
“Nothing that’s been said here stops you two from being punished for what you did,” Mum stated firmly. “As David said, you two have to learn how to respond to these sorts of small-minded attacks. The way you did it just inflamed the situation. I’ve already informed Scott that he’s not to come over here tonight. Your father and I will decide on the rest of your punishment after dinner.”
Adam’s face dropped at the news. He’d been looking forward to some quiet time with Scott, but now it wasn’t going to happen. I sincerely hoped that they wouldn’t be too hard on him.
“That’s not fair!” I pointed out angrily. “Adam didn’t swear, and he was being unfairly victimised. All you’re doing is more of the same!”
“One night without Scott is not going to kill him,” Mum retorted. “It might just make him, and you, stop to think for a second, next time, before you say something to enflame a situation.”
She paused and looked over at Adam.
“Sorry, hon, but it’s not like you won’t be seeing him again,” Mum said gently.
She stared for a moment before giving him a soft smile. “Kevin and I also need to make sure you’ll be listening when we talk, later. Despite what you might think, we can still remember what it’s like to be a teenager in love. We want this to be a safe place for you and Scott, but we also need to make sure that you stay safe outside of these walls.”
Adam seemed hesitant as he glanced nervously at first Mum and then Dad.
“Son, we’ll talk privately, later. Think about what you want to say,” Dad said gently to Adam. “I’ll just give you this one bit of reassurance. No matter what, you will not be asked to leave this house!
“This family can get a bit volatile at times. You saw a good example of that last Friday,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me. I cringed back into my chair at the reminder. “You are free to argue your case as much as you want. We have been known to change our minds. Don’t be afraid to speak up. No one else in this household is,” he finished wryly.
After a wait to see if anyone wanted to add anything, Dad turned back to his food, ending that part of the conversation.
There was a short period of silence while everyone served themselves. Randy and I both examined the food carefully, before transferring it to our plates. None of it seemed to be ruined, though the carrots looked like they may have been overcooked.
“So, anything else happen?” Dad asked, once everyone started eating.
“I had a long chat with Mr. Pitt and Ms. Ng about yesterday’s episode with the paint,” Mum remarked. “They understand what’s going on, and I’m happy with the plans they’re putting in place to try to stop it from happening again.”
“Good! Anything I need to know about?” Dad asked.
“I don’t think so. I’ll fill you in on the details, later, if you’re interested. In the meantime, maybe Randy can tell you about the incident at lunchtime,” she suggested, staring intently at Randy. “The one that he didn’t bother reporting until I had him called into the office.”
“What incident?” I asked quickly. When I’d checked in on him, everything had seemed cool, so it must have happened right at the end of the break.
“It’s not like I was hurt or anything,” Randy stated. “If I have to report everyone who ever says anything or looks at me funny, then I’ll be spending all my time at the office!”
“Throwing things at you is a bit more serious than that, Randy,” Mum said sternly.
“They were water balloons!” Randy exclaimed, clearly annoyed at Mum’s over-protectiveness. “Even if they’d hit me on my broken nose, they wouldn’t have done any damage.”
“Who threw water balloons at you?” Adam asked. He seemed as surprised as I was.
“Luke Williams and a couple of other idiots,” Randy said disparagingly. “They ambushed me just after the bell rang for the end of lunch.”
That startled me. I wouldn’t have thought that Luke would be that childish, but it seemed that I was wrong. It just shows that it’s possible to over-estimate people as well as under-estimate them.
“What about your friends?” I asked. “Were they there?”
“Yeah, and Maria got hit by one, but that was because one of the arse… uh… idiots was a rotten thrower. He missed from only a couple of yards away. They then all ran off. Stu was ready to charge after them, but if they had got him alone, they would’ve clobbered him, so Kev and I grabbed him and held him back until it was too late to chase them. As it was, we barely got to our class in time.”
“Still, I want you to report anything like that straight away,” Mum stated firmly. “If we don’t stop it early, it’ll just get worse.”
“MMMMUUUUUMMMM!” Randy wailed. “I’m not a little boy anymore. I don’t need to go crying for help every time someone picks on me!”
“Randy,” Dad said sternly, “you saw those things on the web sites we looked at; the things that can happen to people who are thought to be gay. If you’re not careful, they can happen to you. Report it now, so it doesn’t get worse later on.”
Suddenly, Randy kicked his chair back and stood up. He was angry, and he was making no attempt to hide it.
“Can’t you get it through all your heads? I’M… NOT… GAY!” he yelled.
With that, he stormed out, heading to his bedroom. He left behind a stunned silence.
As Dad started to get to his feet, Mum stopped him.
“Let him go, Kevin,” she said compassionately. “I think he just needs some time by himself. He’s been holding things in and trying to act like it doesn’t matter.”
Nodding his acknowledgement, Dad sat down. Slowly, we all started eating again. I didn’t know how the others felt, but Randy’s outburst had disturbed me. There was a huge empty space in the room, which my brother’s personality usually filled, and the whole place seemed different without him there.
“Nice dinner, Adam,” I remarked after a couple of minutes.
“Thanks,” he replied with a faint grin.
I saw my dad looking a little perplexed by that.
“I made Adam cook dinner, since I wasn’t able to do it earlier because I was at the school, picking up a pair of recalcitrants. I also made David do the ironing, for the same reason,” Mum explained, with a touch of anger. “I’ll be checking it shortly to see if any of it needs to be redone.”
She then turned to me and gave me the evil eye.
“I don’t recall you having complimented me on my cooking for a long, long time, David,” she stated, in a deceptively mild tone. “I think Adam has a full-time job, now.”
“No, please?” Adam anxiously jumped in. “I much prefer your cooking. I’ll help, if you insist, but can you please do it?”
As Mum stared at me, I quickly tried to find a way out of the hole I’d dug for myself. I hadn’t expected that thanking Adam for dinner would land me in hot water, but Mum had a point. I’d been taking her cooking for granted. Even Dad compliments her every so often on the meals she serves up.
“Sorry, Mum,” I said lamely. I paused while I tried to think of what else I could say, but everything I thought of sounded worse than nothing, so I left it at that.
When she realised that I wasn’t going to say anything more, she sniffed dismissingly and turned her attention back to her food.
With the same poor timing that I’d been experiencing for the previous few days, I had managed to insult my mum just before she and Dad sat down to work out what my punishment would be for being suspended from school.
I kept my mouth shut for the rest of dinner. Adam did the same, as he flicked nervous glances at both my parents.
As we were finishing, I remembered that I hadn’t mentioned my invitation to Michael, from the day before.
“Uh, Dad,” I started, picking the parent that I thought would be the most sympathetic, “I forgot to mention that I’ve asked Michael O’Conner and his dad if they’d like to come up here one weekend. With all the help they’ve given us, I thought we should show our appreciation.”
“Who’s Michael?” Mum asked, slightly annoyed.
“Michael’s dad is the one who restrained Aiden’s dad on Saturday,” Dad explained, before turning back to me. “I think that’s an excellent idea. Just let us know when they’ll be coming. Thank you, David. I should’ve thought of that.”
I felt pleased that I’d done at least one thing right. I carefully neglected to mention when I’d asked Michael. After all, it was the thought that counted, not when I remembered to mention the invitation.
As soon as we had all finished eating, Adam and I jumped in and started clearing the table. It was unlikely to help, but cleaning up certainly wasn’t going to hurt. We both wanted Mum and Dad to be in a happy mood, or as happy as possible, before they worked out what they’d do to us.
We were still cleaning when my parents disappeared into the study. I could see that Adam was tempted to sneak down the hall to eavesdrop, but I quietly warned him against it. The risks were too great and I couldn’t see how we’d benefit from hearing their discussion.
Once we’d finished, we looked at each other, wondering what to do next. Adam was the first to sit down at the table and drag out some schoolbooks to review, but I quickly followed suit. I was slowly realising that I’d have to guess what items would be covered in the next week’s exams. I’d need to review everything, just in case.
We were both busy when my parents came out.
“Hmmm,” Dad said, “it looks like you’ve worked out one thing to do right, at least.”
We both looked up anxiously. What was it going to be?
“Adam, could you please join us in the study? We’d like to discuss some things,” Dad stated ominously.
When Adam gave me a worried glance, I tried to smile back some reassurance. While Mum and Dad occasionally come down heavy on Randy and me, they are rarely unreasonable. Given the circumstances that had Adam staying with us, I expected them to treat him lightly.
It wasn’t that long before he came back out. He looked a little disappointed.
“What’s wrong, mate?” I asked.
“Scott isn’t allowed to visit until Friday, and I’m only allowed ten minutes on the phone to him a day,” Adam said forlornly, before smiling. “I get to invite Scott and Chris for dinner on Friday night, though. Your parents also started discussing having him stay a night, sometime soon.”
“While we’ll never replace your real parents, Adam, we’d really like you to think of us as your Mum and Dad, too,” Dad said quietly from the doorway, where he’d snuck up while Adam was talking.
“David, if you don’t mind?” he added, before turning and walking down to the study.
I followed nervously, but also with a sense of resignation. I felt there wasn’t much they could do to punish me that would make a lot of difference, since I had broken up with Liz.
Despite the seriousness of my situation, I couldn’t help reflect over one thing that Adam had said. Liz had never stayed here overnight, so the question had never been raised on what the sleeping arrangements would be. I did know that both sets of parents had several discussions on the subject before I was allowed to stay with Liz and her family over the previous New Years period. If Scott stays here, where would he sleep? I couldn’t imagine my parents letting Randy be exposed to the possibility of Scott and Adam sleeping together, but they’d constantly surprised me with their attitude to Adam. I resolved to wait until something happened, and then raise any objections I felt needed to be said. Now was not the time to talk about this with Mum and Dad.
I silently took a seat in the study and waited for my parents to start.
My dad started ominously: “David, we discussed everything from grounding you to kicking you off the basketball team until next season.”
My mouth dropped to the floor at that last one. They wouldn’t do that to me, would they? I anxiously waited, as I wondered exactly how badly they thought I’d messed up.
“Before we tell you what punishment we think you deserve, I’d like to say that we think you and Adam each did one thing that was absolutely correct,” Mum said. “The thing that Adam did that was right was filing that complaint against the teacher. There are remedies in place for situations like this, and Adam used one of them. The thing you did correctly was standing up to defend both Adam and Randy.”
If their plan was to put me into a state of confusion so that I wouldn’t be able to argue about the punishment, then it was working well. The last thing I had expected when I walked in was to be complimented!
“As you admitted,” she added, “you were wrong in how you defended them. You’ve always had a tendency to speak first and think second. It hasn’t mattered much, before, but now you really need to learn to think first. Saying the wrong thing can get people hurt, especially when you are dealing with homophobes.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but closed it without saying anything. They were right, and I knew it. I felt a surge of resentment at being told it so bluntly, but I was too honest to deny it.
When they realised I wasn’t going to say anything, Dad pronounced the judgement.
“We eventually decided that keeping you off the team would be punishing the other players for your mistake. You are, however, grounded. You’ll be spending the time until the end of Easter here at home. The only times you’ll be away will be when you’re with us, or at school. To make sure you’re not bored, we’ll have a list of chores for you to do. Adam will be helping for the next couple of days, and after that, you’re on your own. If you behave yourself, we may shorten the time, but we’re not making any promises on that.”
I gave a sigh of relief. Two weekends wasn’t too bad, even if one of those was a long weekend. At least I’d still be allowed to play basketball. It wasn’t as if I had anything else I wanted to do over those weekends.
I thought about objecting, but I quickly decided that if I did, it would be more for the sake of arguing than anything else.
With the sentencing out of the way, I returned to the kitchen, where Adam and I returned to our study. After about thirty minutes, Randy came out of his bedroom and silently joined us. He still seemed a little tense, but he looked more determined than angry.
“Hi, Giant,” Adam started, but Randy interrupted him rudely.
“I’ve got homework to do. Can you please keep the noise down?” Randy said curtly.
Adam was surprised at that and I was feeling a bit concerned. That wasn’t like my brother. The things that were going on at school were affecting him, even though he’d been trying to pretend that everything was still normal.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked him.
“Do you want to talk about Liz?” he retorted, spitefully.
I shut up. Randy wasn’t in a mood to speak, and I didn’t know how to change his mood. The way he had blown up at Mum and Dad earlier, and then at Adam, seemed to indicate that he wouldn’t be opening up to anyone here; not in the short term, at least.
We studied silently for a few minutes, and then Randy spoke up.
“Sorry, guys. It’s not your fault, but I’m just really on edge,” he said softly, without looking up from his book. Before I could say anything, he added, “And no, I’m still not ready to talk about it.”
I nodded to no one in particular. My brother was still in there, somewhere. With a bit of luck, this would just be a passing thing. His friends at school should help him through the problems he’d be facing while Adam and I were suspended.
We were still studying when there was a knock at the door. Looking up, I saw Brian coming through. He’s been here enough times to know that he doesn’t have to wait to be invited to enter.
“Hi, B2! How’s things?” I asked.
“Actually, I’m Brett,” he said apologetically.
I stared at him, and the clothes that he was wearing. He was definitely wearing Brian’s clothes. I’ve always assumed that if there is a “1” on the clothes, it’s Brett, and if there’s a “2”, it’s Brian.
“I got into trouble at school today, and Mum’s given me a whole lot of chores to do. Brian offered to swap shirts to give me a break,” he explained sheepishly.
I couldn’t help wondering how often the twins did that trick. That was the first time they’d admitted it, but that didn’t mean it was the first time they’d swapped clothes.
“What happened?” Randy asked.
He shrugged and grinned. “A couple of idiots decided that they could have fun at our expense. They said we played for a team of poofs, and we must be sissies, too. The fight was broken up by the time the teachers got there, so we didn’t get into trouble with our school, but Mum got the story out of us when she asked why my clothes were torn. Brian managed to get away with it, but I’m being punished.”
“Who was it? Which team do they play for?” Randy queried angrily. “They’re going to get a thumping, next time we play them!”
I watched nervously at that. Randy’s temper had clearly been simmering just below the surface, and it didn’t take much for it to rise to the top again. That was not his normal behaviour. The whole “gay” thing was really messing him up.
“They don’t play; they’d just heard rumours. Otherwise, they would have realised the mistake they were making,” Brett answered with a cheeky grin. “There was a new guy at school today, and he was standing right behind them when they started in on us. They outweighed us, and if the new guy hadn’t joined in on our side, it might have gone badly,” he admitted.
He paused for a moment before smiling widely. “Aiden said to say ‘hi’!”
“Yes!” I exclaimed with a grin. “How is he?”
Brett shrugged. “He’s doing okay, but he was glad to see us. I don’t think his dad knows that we go to that school,” he said before grinning. “Russell and Paul know now, though. I don’t think they were particularly happy to find out....”
At that moment, Dad poked his head out of the living room.
“Hi, Brian!” he said. “I’m sorry, but Adam and David are not permitted visitors at the moment. You can talk to Randy, but those two are still in trouble for what they did at school today.”
“That’s alright, Mr. Castle,” Brett said, not correcting my dad’s mistake. “I was really just coming over to let you know that my dad is inviting everyone to a barbeque at our place after the game on Saturday, to celebrate the end of the main season. I’ll be going, now.”
Dad frowned, before slowly nodding his head. “Okay, Brian. Tell your dad we’ll be there,” he answered reluctantly, while staring at Adam and me. I could tell he was trying to decide whether or not to allow us to attend. After a long pause, he disappeared back into the living room.
“So, what did you two get up to?” Brett asked quietly, curiosity overcoming his stated intention to disappear.
“David and I got suspended today,” Adam stated with a shrug. “We had a homophobic teacher, and we sort of said a few things that we shouldn’t have. The only good news is that the teacher got into trouble, too, but we’re still in the bad books with the parents.”
“Cool! I’m not the only one who got into strife. That makes me feel a lot better,” Brett said cheerfully. “I better get back and relieve Brian. I don’t want him upset with me, just in case we need to do this again.”
With a wave, Brett headed back home.
I didn’t know how the other two were feeling at that moment, but getting the news that Aiden was okay, and at school with the twins, cheered me up. Something was going right with one person, at least.
Eventually, it was time for bed. Mum was going to have a long list of chores for Adam and me to do, and we’d be studying for next week’s exams. She’d also told us that we were expected up at the normal time. The fact that we wouldn’t be going to school didn’t mean we could sleep in.
With the news about Aiden still buzzing through my head, I lay down and had my first restful sleep for several nights.
It was Friday afternoon and Adam and I were playing basketball. Despite the concentration required to make sure that Adam wouldn’t score another goal, my mind couldn’t help but flick over the previous couple of days.
One positive to be taken out of being suspended from school for two days was that Adam and I had gone a long way towards rebuilding our relationship.
Adam’s living with us was a constant reminder to me of why he was there, but when I could ignore that, I found that he was just the Adam of old. He didn’t do or say anything different, so his being gay wasn’t shoved in my face. I could even handle his talking about his boyfriend; it felt weird, but it wasn’t grossing me out.
I still didn’t understand it, but I was beginning to accept it, and I was slowly coming around to treating it as normal – at least, for him.
If there was a dark cloud, it was hanging over my brother. His outburst on Wednesday night hadn’t been an isolated incident. The next day, after coming home from school, he snapped at Adam when asked if he was still being hassled. Randy apologised soon afterwards, but he was not coping well. He snapped again at dinner when Dad asked him how things were at school. He asks that almost every day, but for some reason Randy took offense, as if what was going on was not anyone’s business except his own. It was clear he needed to unload on someone, but he wasn’t letting anyone in to help him. It was if he felt he had to handle the situation by himself. Maybe he felt that no one could do anything about it, so he shouldn’t burden us with his problems.
Despite those thoughts, I was feeling on top of the world.
While we were cleaning out the garage that day and loading all the accumulated junk into the skip that had been delivered the day before, Adam and I had chatted away, like old times. Somehow, the conversation swung around to Liz. I knew that she and Adam were still talking, but I hadn’t realised that one of the things they had been talking about was me.
That part of the conversation is engraved in my memory:
“David, you keep saying that Liz broke up with you,” he remarked at one point. “She doesn’t see it that way.”
“I don’t know what other way you can look at it,” I replied bitterly. “She told me that she doesn’t want anything more to do with me.”
“That’s not what she told me,” he said in a matter-of-fact way. “She believes you broke up with her.”
“Does it really matter?” I asked, getting depressed. “We broke up, and that’s that.”
“Well, if you say you didn’t break up with her, and she says she didn’t break up with you, then maybe it’s all just one huge misunderstanding,” Adam suggested.
I just looked at him, unable to process what he’d said.
“I spoke to her again, last night,” he continued. “I’m sure she still loves you, but thinking you left her is breaking her up. Why don’t you try to get her back? Just don’t leave it too long.”
“But…” I said, while I tried to think of something sensible.
“You’ve been trying to show me that you’re still my friend,” Adam said kindly. “This is my offer back to you.”
I didn’t think. I just grabbed him in a bear hug, to thank him. After a couple of seconds I realised I was hugging a gay guy, and I suddenly let go. I felt uncomfortable, but I gave him a nervous grin to show my appreciation.
I began bouncing suggestions off Adam. I had already half-decided that I wanted to try to get Liz back, but Adam had just given that plan a real kick forward. There was a real possibility that some of my ideas might work, instead of just being wishful thinking.
The fact that I was grounded suddenly turned into a real nuisance. While I had lots of ideas of what I’d like to do, I recognised that the first step would simply be to start talking to Liz again.
While I was discussing that with Adam, I realised that Fiona had taken it on herself to talk to me, that day at school. I couldn’t remember exactly what she’d said, but I didn’t think she’d ever said that Liz didn’t want to speak to me. Rather, she’d indicated that she didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to speak to Liz. I’d just assumed it had been Liz who’d told her to say that.
After that, Liz and I had each thought the other didn’t want to talk. The ordeal in our Media Studies class had shown that clearly.
As I started jumping around excitedly, Adam watched me, seeming amused. We were still taking rubbish out to the skip, but I found myself full of energy and I couldn’t help getting enthusiastic.
When we’d finished, it was Adam who’d suggested a bit of one-on-one basketball practise. It was a good idea, as it helped me concentrate on one thing, instead of having my mind racing off in all directions. Being honest, Adam is a strong player, marginally better than me. I consider my defense tougher than his, though.
We’d been playing for maybe half an hour, and we were both working hard.
Adam had the ball held low and was trying to fake me out so he could drive to the basket, when suddenly he straightened. I was looking for some sort of trick, but then I realised he was staring beyond me.
“What the fuck happened to you?” he exclaimed in wonder.
I hesitated for a moment, in case he was just acting, but when he let the ball drop to the ground and started walking past me, I turned to see what he was talking about.
Randy was walking up the driveway in a towering fury. A towering pink fury, with his hair, face, and most of his upper body – clothes and arms – all stained pink. Splotches of colour also marked his school bag and pants.
“Luke…fucking…Williams,” Randy spat through gritted teeth. “This time the fucking water balloons were filled with fucking dye!”
Adam and I followed him to the house, our game forgotten. I was getting worried. Not about the water balloons, but by my brother’s reaction. Both he and I occasionally swear, but usually only when we’re stressed. The way he was going off, he must have been ready to explode.
I knew he was more than just angry when I noticed that his hand was shaking as he reached for the doorknob. Whatever had happened had shocked him, and he was still unsettled.
Mum was sitting at the kitchen table repairing a fly-veil for her horse when Randy threw the door open. She took one look at him and froze, slack-jawed and wide-eyed.
“I’m going to have a shower,” Randy announced to the room as he stormed off down the hallway. Adam and I stayed where we were. For me, it was just a case of having absolutely no ideas of what else to do.
“Do you know what happened?” Mum asked quietly, once she’d recovered from her surprise.
“The only thing he said was that it was Luke Williams, again, and this time they had dye in the balloons,” I said, as I dropped into one the chairs by the table.
Adam headed over and put the kettle on. He’d already learnt that when something stressful happens, Mum likes to have a cup of tea. It was at times like this that I could appreciate that little ritual. It gave her time to comprehend what was going on, and to think of a response. I know that I tend to mouth off first, but Mum almost never does.
“Not just any dye, I’m afraid,” Mum remarked softly, as if to herself. “That looked like marker dye, and if I’m right, it’s not going to wash out.”
“Marker dye?” Adam asked, as he waited for the water to boil.
“The stuff we add to the poison before we spray the paddocks,” I answered. “It doesn’t wash away, so we can tell which weeds have been sprayed and which ones were missed. You can get it from any rural supply store around here.”
“David, can you please go up to the shed and check our bottle of dye to see if there are any instructions on how to remove it?” Mum asked me in a distracted tone. “I don’t think there are, but it’s worth checking.”
“Sure, Mum,” I replied, getting to my feet. I looked over at Adam. “Do you want to come and have a look, too?”
“Okay,” he said, before looking back at the kettle. I could see him trying to decide whether or not the water would boil before he got back.
“I’ll make myself a cup of tea, hon,” Mum said kindly to Adam. “Thanks for putting the kettle on. Now get going. Randy was still wet, so he must have gotten hit on the walk home from the bus. I want to know if there is anything we can do before the dye dries completely.”
I kicked myself for missing that detail, but I’d been shell-shocked by the initial appearance, and then by Randy’s language.
Adam and I jogged up to the shed. I spotted an old, empty container as well as the one that we were currently using. I gave one to Adam and I read the other one.
As Mum had thought, there were no instructions on how to clean the dye out of something. The idea was that it was only supposed to be put on things that needed to be permanently marked.
“It says here to avoid swallowing or contact with the eyes or skin. It looks like Giant got hit in the head with at least one balloon of this stuff,” Adam pointed out. “Shouldn’t we warn your mum?”
“I think they’re talking about the undiluted stuff, but yeah, we better tell her,” I responded.
We took the empty container with us and headed back to the house. After I’d had time to think about it, I reluctantly had to admire the planning that Luke and company had undertaken. The water balloons earlier in the week had clearly been preparation for the dye assault. They got to test out the idea in a way that didn’t get them into trouble. Luke normally doesn’t spend that much effort on any of his victims; it’s usually an impulsive or opportunistic thing with him. I was worried. I wondered what had changed and caused him to plan ahead what he was going to do.
Inside, Mum took the container off us and read the warning. She agreed with me that it was probably just for before the dye was mixed with water. The warning about contact with the skin was just that it didn’t come out; it had to wear off – something I knew from experience. Given the colour of the stains on Randy, they hadn’t used a lot of the dye, which is actually described on the container as being red. They’d used just enough to turn everything pink.
I was at a complete loss as to what to do next. I just stood there like an idiot until Adam asked me if I wanted anything to drink.
“Coffee, I think,” I answered hesitantly. “Make it strong, please.”
“Sure, David,” he said, and started to busy himself in the kitchen.
I knew we’d had only a few days together, but I was beginning to learn that Adam likes to keep himself occupied. Sitting and thinking isn’t his preferred mode. He’s a little like Randy in that respect.
“David, I know you’re grounded, but I think I’ll need you to do some things for me, tomorrow,” Mum said, looking up from her cup of tea.
I stared at her in surprise.
“I need to get Randy an appointment at the hairdresser to have his hair dyed, probably to black. That stuff isn’t going to wear off for days. His clothes are ruined, but a new uniform can wait until next week. I’m still trying to work out what to do about the dye on his face,” Mum stated, as if she was working her way through a checklist of things to do.
“I’m no longer happy with leaving Randy by himself. Someone is going to have to stay with him. I need to get the week’s shopping done, tomorrow, so I’d like you to go with him to the hairdresser. I hope I can get an appointment at this short notice.”
I noticed that she was rambling. While she was trying to hide it, I had the suspicion that she was rattled by all of this and didn’t know what to do. The more Mum continued her monologue, the more certain I was. I felt one of my perceptions of my parents begin to waver. Mum and Dad had handled without a fuss everything from Randy being sent to hospital, Adam coming out of the closet, and even my near drowning in the floods when I rescued that joey. Sensing that Mum was unusually disturbed by the attack on my brother was a shock to me; she wasn’t as unflappable as I wanted to believe.
“Adam, if you weren’t planning on spending some time with Scott, I’d like you to go with David and Randy,” she went on, looking over at where Adam was standing in the kitchen. “You need to ring Scott and tell him dinner tonight is cancelled, too.”
“Cancelled?” Adam repeated. “But, why?”
Mum sighed. “I don’t know how long we will be at the police station, that’s all.”
It was my turn to be the echo.
“Police station?”
“Yes. That was an assault by an adult against a minor. This Williams character is eighteen, I think you’ve said before?”
“Yeah, I believe so,” I replied, a little uncertainly. I then nodded my head and continued more confidently. “Yes, he definitely is. He drives to school, so he has to be eighteen.”
“Then we’ll go down to the station and make a formal complaint,” Mum stated firmly.
“Why bother?” Randy said bitterly from the hallway entrance. I hadn’t noticed his arrival. “It’ll just be my word against his: the word a known poofter against that of an adult.”
“You’re not a poof!” I exclaimed quickly, anxiety rising fast at the resentment Randy was projecting.
“You try telling that to half the school!” Randy spat back at me.
I just stared at him. This was not my brother. This was a monster with a personality that didn’t match the brother I knew. His anger must have been slowly growing over the previous few days, as he’s normally quick to settle down. This thing in front of me looked like it was on a constant simmer, just waiting to boil over at the slightest provocation.
At least the shower had had some effect. The pink tint on his skin, while noticeable, was not as obvious as it had been. It looked a little like a case of sunburn. His normally blonde hair, however, was still a flamboyant pink. I hoped that Mum could get an appointment for him, as he couldn’t be seen with his hair like that. Everyone would believe he’s gay.
“I’m not going to the police,” Randy stated firmly, with an edge that was just begging for someone to disagree with him. “It’s a waste of time, and I’d prefer to be here, instead.”
“If that’s the way you want it,” Mum agreed carefully. I could see her watching him like a hawk. She showed no fear, but a strong sense of concern radiated from her. “David, will you get me the phone? I need to ring your father.”
“Sure, Mum,” I replied, as I headed over to the where the handset was cradled. Mum and I both knew that Randy was just being stubborn. He probably didn’t care whether he went to the police or not, but he was just putting his foot down to tell us that he was making his own decision. Mum and Dad both normally encourage that, but Randy wasn’t behaving rationally. It may be that he was still shaken from whatever had happened, and was just lashing out, but that isn’t his usual way of doing things.
“Randy, why don’t you and the boys go out and get in some practise for tomorrow’s game?” I heard Mum suggest in a very neutral tone, as I came back with the phone. She was still being very cautious with my younger brother.
“What’s the point?” Randy retorted. “I’m not going to be allowed to play, anyway. Remember? The doctor said I’m not to play this week.”
“Giant, I need to practise against someone who knows how to play defense,” Adam piped up. “You know David’s hopeless at that. Come on, mate! Give me a hand, here.”
I bit my tongue. Adam was just trying to get Randy out of his funk. I knew he didn’t mean what he said about my defensive skills. At least, I certainly hoped that was what he was trying to do.
As I moved over and handed Mum the phone, I watched Randy frown at both Adam and me. He’s not stupid, and he knew what was going on. I could see him trying to work out whether he wanted to play along or just blow us all off.
When Randy nodded his head I let go of the breath I had been holding. We all watched as he headed off to his room to change into some sports clothes.
“Let him burn out as much aggression as he can,” Mum said quietly to Adam and me. “I’m going to ring your father and ask him to try to contact Mr. O’Conner. Maybe he’ll know what to do.”
“Okay, Mum,” I responded, as Adam nodded his agreement.
I was still rattled by Randy’s behaviour, but basketball offered the best chance of getting him to stop stewing over whatever was bothering him.
Adam and I headed out again, and retrieved the ball from where Adam had dropped it. We took turns shooting, until Randy came out. After that, we played a very tough game of two-on-one. Mum had been right about my brother burning out his aggression. If we’d been playing a real game, he would’ve been fouled out within the first ten minutes.
As we continued, he slowly started to play more sensibly. After a while, it became a closely fought tussle, with Randy dominating, as usual, but with Adam and me pushing him whenever he tried to slack off.
We were still playing when we heard the noise of a car coming up the driveway. Looking around the corner of the shed, we saw a police car slowly approaching.
“What are they doing here?” Randy asked, with a touch of anger.
“No ideas,” I answered, though I guessed that Mum or Dad had asked them to come out. “Why don’t we wait and see? We’ll know in a couple of minutes.”
Randy shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the basketball ring.
“Come on, you two. Just because the cops are here doesn’t mean you can slack off. You need to be ready for the game tomorrow, since I won’t be able to save your arses,” he teased, though with more aggression than he would normally show.
Smiling at the hint of his old personality shining through, I joined him.
“As if we need you, anyway. It’ll be nice to be able to play a game without you and Break hogging all the scoring,” I retorted.
Randy scowled at me. The new monster was back, I noted sadly. I didn’t know whether it was the appearance of the cops that brought it out, or whether it had been lurking just under the surface, but a sullen demeanour had again swallowed the old Randy.
We had barely resumed our game when Mr. O’Conner, dressed in a police uniform, walked up, along with a young constable.
“Howdy, boys!” he called out as he approached. “You’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you, Randy.”
I saw Randy’s frown and guessed that he was trying to work out who the man was. Given that he’d been unconscious when Mr. O’Conner had tackled Aiden’s dad, he probably didn’t remember him.
“Hello, Mr. O’Conner,” I said, hoping that would eliminate the cause of Randy’s expression. “What brings you out here?”
“Work, I’m afraid,” he admitted sadly, staring mainly at Randy. “How about we all go inside, so I can say hello to your mum?”
I kept a cautious eye on Randy. I could see that he was torn between annoyance at having the cops there and a sense of gratitude for the assistance Michael’s father had given him the weekend before.
“Sounds good to me,” Adam remarked. “I think I’ve had enough practise for now, anyway.”
“Me, too,” I quickly agreed, taking most of the options away from Randy. Unless he wanted to stay by himself and shoot baskets, there wasn’t much else for him to do.
“Okay, Mr. O’Conner,” Randy said, though with some resentment shining through. “Thanks for last weekend, though I don’t remember you helping me.”
“That’s alright, Randy,” Mr. O’Conner said cheerfully in his broad Irish accent. “I was glad to be of service.”
We all headed to the house, Adam leading. I brought up the rear, just in case my brother decided to wander off. He knew that the cops were there for him, but the fact that one of them was the guy who’d restrained Aiden’s dad disrupted his stubborn resistance.
By the time I entered, Mum was already greeting the two policemen warmly. I learnt that the other policeman was Constable Kasprovich, and that Michael’s dad is a Senior Sergeant.
It only took a word from Mum for Adam and me to put a fresh kettle on and then clear out. We were tempted to hang around in the hallway, to eavesdrop, but we didn’t want to get caught. Adam’s punishment had just ended, but with the possibility of being able to win Liz back I wasn’t willing to take the chance of having my grounding extended.
I headed back to my room, aiming to find a change of clothes and then take a shower. As I stepped in, Adam stopped by the door. I looked over my shoulder at him as I started to rifle through my drawers.
“David, can I ask your opinion on something?” Adam started hesitantly.
I paused and turned to face him properly. He was worried about something, but I didn’t know him well enough to guess what.
“Sure, Adam.”
“Do you think Giant was hit because I wasn’t there, or because they think he’s the easier target?”
Adam was clearly concerned, and I guessed he was distressed that Randy was copping all the abuse at school. He was ready to handle it, if it came his way, but he didn’t seem to like what my brother – his brother, too, now – was going through.
“Come in and sit down,” I suggested, indicating the chair by my desk.
As he came in, I moved past him and closed the door. I didn’t want to take the risk of Randy hearing any of our conversation.
Turning back, I moved slowly over to the bed and sat down. I looked up at Adam’s anxious face and saw a reflection of my own worries. Earlier that week, when I’d spoken to him about Randy getting hurt, he’d called it collateral damage and said he’d accept any offer of help. I was getting the impression that he no longer thought like that. In his own way, he was as concerned for Randy as I was.
“Adam, some of it is because you’re not there, but I think some of it’s because he’s not as well protected as you,” I started, trying to avoid any implication that I was blaming Adam for what was going on. “When you’re at school you have several people standing up for you – enough that most will avoid causing problems; people like Michael, Ian, and even Peter. Randy has most of his friends around him, but they’re all thirteen- and fourteen-year-olds. They don’t have enough influence to stop idiots from thinking about an attack.”
Adam made a face and dropped his gaze to the floor.
“Fuck,” he said softly, as if to himself, before looking back up at me and continuing at a more normal volume. “I was hoping you’d have a different opinion. I’d thought the same thing, and I wasn’t happy about it. Luke is four years older than Giant, for God’s sake! How can he pick on someone that young?”
“Luke Williams is a mindless bully. I don’t think he’s capable of feeling guilty about anything he does,” I replied with derision.
“So, how do we stop Giant from being picked on?” Adam asked me. He clearly wanted a solution, and was hoping I’d have the answer. I was unhappy that I couldn’t give him one.
“The only way I can see is to convince everyone that he’s not gay. But all that will do is concentrate all the attention on you,” I said regretfully.
“Yeah, but I’m the one who is gay,” Adam said softly, as he stared into space. “It’s just not right that Randy has to bear any of this. I’m the one they’re supposed to be picking on.”
“They’re not supposed to be picking on you, either,” I said angrily. “How about they just leave everyone alone! That’ll include Break, too, when he finally starts telling people.”
Adam’s attention snapped back to me. I suppose he had a right to look surprised. I hadn’t exactly built myself a reputation as a defender of gay rights.
“Unless he finds himself a girlfriend, soon, and makes that fact public, most of the school will go on thinking he’s your boyfriend,” I continued. “Randy is a stubborn fool. His friends know he’s not gay, and he doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion. I don’t know what it’ll take for him to change,” I finished, dejectedly.
“I just feel so helpless,” Adam admitted. “He’s taking the abuse that should be coming my way, and he’s not handling it well. What can we do?”
I just shook my head.
“We can’t do anything. Once he’s got his mind set on something, that’s it. For some reason, he wants to shoulder this by himself,” I said.
I noticed Adam staring at me and biting his lower lip.
“What is it, Adam?” I asked pointedly. “Spit it out.”
“He told me earlier in the week that he thought I needed someone to stick up for me. Since you weren’t doing it, he said he’d do it,” Adam replied reluctantly. “I’m sorry, David. I don’t want to lay any more guilt on you, but that’s why he’s doing it.”
I looked away. Adam’s comments fit perfectly with my brother’s behaviour. I’d told my dad that I’d made things more difficult with my outburst when Adam told us he’s gay. The repercussions of that event were still being felt. I was making it up to Adam, though we still had some way to go before we’d be back to where we were, but it seemed I had to do something for Randy, as well.
Randy had picked up a burden that I should’ve shared. He was being too stubborn to just hand that burden back to me, so I knew I’d have to find some way of helping him out, while leaving him his pride. How I’d do that, I didn’t have the faintest idea.
Adam and I talked for some time but came no closer to any solutions. Our conversation had deteriorated into silent frustration by the time we heard a knock.
“David?” Mum called through the closed door. “Sergeant O’Conner would like a quick word with you.”
“Okay, Mum,” I called out as I rose to my feet. Adam also stood up, and we left the room together. The shower would have to wait a little longer.
Mum was down the corridor, looking into Randy’s room. When she turned and saw us, she smiled.
“There you are, Adam! Sergeant O’Conner would like a word with you, too, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, Yvonne. We’ll go see him now,” Adam replied carefully. I heard the hesitation before my mum’s name. It was something he still had to make himself say, despite constant reinforcement during the previous two days at home.
We walked down the hallway in silence. When we arrived at the kitchen, Mr. O’Conner and Constable Kasprovich were seated opposite a very sullen-looking Randy.
“Hi, guys!” Mr. O’Conner said as he spotted us coming into the room. “Have a seat. We won’t take up much of your time.” He seemed cheerful instead of coldly professional, as I would’ve expected from someone doing an investigation. He waited until we were seated before continuing.
“I have, finally,” he started, drawing out the last word as he gave my brother a small glare, “found out what occurred this afternoon. Before we came here, we had already identified the site of the attack and collected some evidence for further investigation.”
Lowering his voice, he leant forward and added, “You would think they would’ve realised they’d leave a large stained area by the side of the road as a result of using marker dye. There are signs they drove through it, so they may have dye on their tyres.”
Straightening up, he continued more formally, “Did either of you witness the attack today, or the earlier one at the school?”
“No, sir,” Adam and I both answered.
“Do you know anyone who might have?”
Adam looked at me. I took that to mean he wanted me to answer.
“A number of Randy’s school friends were there on Wednesday when he had water balloons thrown at him,” I replied.
“Do you have any names? Your mum mentioned the same thing, but she couldn’t remember who they might’ve been” Mr. O’Conner asked politely, as the constable sat with a pen poised over his notebook.
I twisted to stare at my brother in surprise. He just glared angrily back at me. Why hadn’t he told them? Returning my attention to the policemen, I started to cautiously draw names from my memory.
“Randy said that Maria was hit by one of the water balloons, and that Stu got angry enough to want to chase the people who threw them. He mentioned another name at the time, but I can’t remember it.”
“Do you have last names for Maria and Stu?”
I grimaced as I tried to recall their last names. Eventually, I had to shake my head.
“Sorry, no,” I answered apologetically.
“Randy, would you care to tell us their last names? We can get the information from the school, anyway, but it’ll be easier if you just tell us,” Mr. O’Conner said politely.
Randy had clearly been uncooperative, and he visibly struggled to decide whether or not to start working with the cops instead of against them.
“Maria Henderson and Stuart McMillan,” he eventually conceded, resentment dripping from every word forced from his lips.
After that bit of information had been dragged from Randy, Mum looked up the details in the school directory. Once they were armed with the contact details, the police left. I stood up and noticed Mum in the doorway, staring worriedly at the back of Randy’s head. Randy remained seated, fuming about something and not bothering to move.
“I said I didn’t want to talk to the cops!” Randy suddenly burst out, turning accusingly at Mum. “Now the word is going to get out, and everyone who didn’t care before is going to hate me for being a dobber! Are you trying to ruin school for me?”
His chair flew backwards as he jumped to his feet and stormed down the hallway to his room.
Adam and I exchanged glances. The memory of our conversation was written on our faces.
“Uh…Yvonne?” Adam started hesitantly, as he looked at my mum. “Do you think it’ll be better if I sleep in the lounge room, at least for a little while?”
Before Mum could answer, I put in my opinion.
“I think that’ll make him worse, Adam. He’s given himself the role of your protector, and he’ll take it the wrong way if you move out of his room.”
“I think David’s right,” Mum said sadly. “I’ve never seen him like this, and he’s likely to take offense at any changes. He can be quite obstinate at times, and he’ll just get more upset if he thinks anyone is interfering.”
Shaking herself out of her mood, she suddenly became full of energy.
“In the meantime, I need some help getting dinner ready. It looks like Scott and Chris will be coming for dinner, after all,” she said matter-of-factly.
Mum had us wash our hands and join her in preparing the meal. Adam looked a little shell-shocked at the amount of food Mum was preparing, but she always over-caters. If we run out of food, she takes it personally.
By the time Dad came home, everything was well underway. Mum excused us and suggested we take the showers that we had skipped before, and change into some fresh clothes. It was a pretty transparent way of getting rid of us so she could talk to Dad, but I knew she’d been rattled, earlier, and passing on the problems to Dad would help her cope.
Adam and I walked down the hall. When we got to my room, Adam paused again.
“Do you think you have any clothes I can borrow?” he asked cautiously.
I started to open my mouth to ask him what the hell he was talking about, when I noticed that Randy’s door was still shut. I didn’t blame Adam for being hesitant in going into what might be a lion’s den.
“I’ll find something,” I offered, “but it won’t fit you well. You’ll probably need to get changed again before Scott gets here. Mum has certain standards when guests are coming, and you wearing my clothes may not reach them.”
He gave me a small grin. “The longer before I have to open that door, the better, I think.”
I had to agree with that. Randy might not attack him, if the theory about him trying to be Adam’s protector was correct, but there was no point in risking it earlier than necessary.
I found a pair of loose tracksuit pants and a T-shirt he could wear. I stopped, uncertain, when it came to underwear. I didn’t feel comfortable with giving any of mine for him to put on. The thought of him wearing any of my briefs or boxers made me feel queasy. It wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t gay, but he is, and I couldn’t bring myself to offer anything. In the end, I just stayed silent on that subject, and he didn’t ask for any.
I took the first shower and changed into some decent clothes. Mum doesn’t like scruffy wear when we have guests, even if it’s casual and regular guests like the twins. If we have visitors staying for a meal, we have to be neat. For the twins, the standard required is not that high, but my old, comfortable farm-wear clothes, complete with holes, were just not good enough. After years of practise, I guessed what standard I’d need to meet for Scott and Chris, and dressed accordingly.
When I returned to the room I gave a small, and hopefully unnoticed, sigh of relief. Adam had raided the laundry and recovered a clean pair of his own briefs. That was one small crisis that I didn’t have to face. As Adam disappeared for his own shower, I forced my mind away from that topic and headed back down to have a word with Mum.
Dad was gone when I strolled in. I smiled. That was probably just as well. While Mum had been the one most upset when Adam and I had gotten suspended, Dad is usually the one that makes us stick to whatever punishment we’re given. Mum can be a lot more flexible, especially on the topic I was about to raise.
“Mum, can I ask you for some advice?”
She looked up from where she was stirring a saucepan on the stove.
“Sure, David,” she answered, seeming curious, but not overly so.
“Adam told me today that he thinks I have a chance of winning Liz back. I’m just not sure how to start. After all this time, I don’t think phoning her to say I’m sorry is right. Neither is trying to say something at school. What do you think I should do?”
She stopped stirring and put the spoon down. Wiping her hands, she kept a speculative eye on me.
“What were you thinking of?” she asked me, after a silence that seemed to stretch for hours, though was probably less than a minute.
“I was thinking of trying to meet her at the coffee shop in town, and then maybe taking her shopping in Lilydale,” I said hopefully, crossing my fingers behind my back. Mum can be a romantic, at times, and I hoped she just might lift my grounding to allow me to do that.
“A bit hard, when you’re grounded,” she commented dryly.
I uncrossed my fingers. I didn’t know why I’d bothered – crossing my fingers had never worked in the past.
“If I were her, I’d probably refuse, anyway,” she added thoughtfully. “You need to do something to show you’re sorry, first.”
I felt a surge of hope. Mum was treating this seriously. She was more likely to know what would work than anyone else I could speak to.
“I’d suggest a bunch of flowers, with a card, as the first step,” she said seriously.
“Where should I give them to her?”
“You won’t,” she replied bluntly. “You’re still grounded. Otherwise, you could go to her place to give them to her. No, you have them delivered.”
“Can I leave Randy at the hairdresser’s long enough to order the flowers?” I asked quickly, while she seemed in a semi-cooperative mood.
She contemplated the suggestion for a moment before slowly nodding. “Okay,” she said reluctantly, before sternly adding, “but don’t leave him alone for too long.”
“Sure, Mum,” I said happily, as I stepped forward and gave her a hug. “Love you,” I added.
She was surprised by both the embrace and the words. I took that to mean that I hadn’t been doing enough of either, for some time. I supposed I’d been slowly slipping into the Aussie Male mode of showing strong emotion only to a girlfriend. For everyone else, affection needed to be shrouded by joking or just left unsaid.
I mentally went through my finances as I mechanically started to set the table for dinner. Dad’s birthday present was quickly downgraded. I hadn’t worked out what to get him, anyway, and he’s always said he likes anything we give him. This year I might end up testing that, depending on how expensive it gets to show Liz how much I want her back.
Adam joined me soon afterwards, and together we helped Mum get things ready for dinner. Mum raised an eyebrow at the clothes Adam was wearing, and gave me a strange look, but she didn’t say anything. I took that to mean that Adam wouldn’t have to change his clothes again. It was looking more and more likely that Randy was going to stay locked up in his room until dinnertime.
We’d finished getting everything ready, and Mum was just keeping an eye on some of the food that was simmering away on the stove, when there was a knock on the door.
An enormous grin spread across Adam’s face as he jumped up quickly and opened the door for Scott and Chris. Scott entered first, and Adam gave him a hug. I was surprised to notice that Scott seemed tense, as if he didn’t want, or expect, the embrace. Adam didn’t hold it for long, but whispered something to his boyfriend that made him relax and smile.
Adam then shook Chris’ hand and thanked him for coming. He followed that up by asking if they wanted anything to drink.
I saw Mum giving Adam an approving look, which Adam missed completely as his attention was on the two visitors. I could guess what that was about: Mum appreciated the fact that Adam was acting as the host, as they were really his guests. I wondered if she’d had a word earlier, or if he just naturally knew that that was what would be expected of him. Randy and I know, from many years of practise, that when we have guests, we’re responsible for ensuring they have a good time.
While Adam was getting drinks for Chris and Scott, Mum came up to me.
“David, can you please tell Randy that Chris and Scott are here?” she quietly asked. “If he doesn’t want to join us, don’t push him. I’ll send your dad to get him, later.”
“Sure, Mum,” I replied softly.
With a backward glance to make sure everything was fine with the other three guys, I slipped off down the hallway.
I paused outside Randy’s door. I didn’t know what sort of reaction I was going to get, and the uncertainty was unsettling me. I took a deep breath and knocked firmly on the door.
“Come in,” a resigned voice called through the door.
That wasn’t the best reaction, but it was better than a lot of the possibilities. At least he was willing to see people.
I opened the door and entered his room. After taking in the scene, I closed the door behind me and sat down on the edge of Randy’s bed. I realised Mum might wonder why I was taking so long to get back, but I was sure she wouldn’t mind, once she found out.
Randy was stretched out face-up on his bed, with his hands behind his head. It was clear he’d been crying, and crying hard. On the floor beside him were the ripped-up remains of his school shirt – the one that had been stained in the attack. Of all the things he could’ve taken his rage out on, that had been a good choice; the shirt had been rendered useless by the dye, for anything except as a rag. Less pleasing were the schoolbooks thrown around the room.
After a single glance to see who had just entered the room, he rolled his head back and stared up at the ceiling.
I sat there for a few seconds, waiting to see if Randy wanted to say anything. I was about to break the silence when Randy started speaking.
“Why are some people bastards?” he asked. I was pleased that he had asked the question in a contemplative way, instead of in anger.
“You can’t please everyone, Randy,” I replied gently.
“I’m not trying to please them! I just want them to leave me alone,” he replied heatedly, as he lifted his head to look at me.
I raised my hands to ward off his anger.
“Steady! I’m on your side, remember?”
Dropping his head back onto his hands, he returned to gazing at the ceiling.
“Yeah, I know,” he sighed.
“They’ll leave you alone if they stop thinking you’re gay,” I suggested.
“And how am I supposed to make that happen?” he asked sarcastically, before continuing sadly, “And all that will do is drop it all onto Adam.”
“What about that stuff you hinted at when I asked you if you’re gay?”
He grinned to himself, and then reverted to a forlorn expression.
“Can’t do that. It wouldn’t be right,” he sighed.
“Why ever not?” I asked indignantly. Was he really going out of his way to make sure people wouldn’t think he was straight?
“I’m fourteen,” he replied simply.
“What’s that got to do with anything?” I asked, trying to keep my temper under control. Was he just trying to bait me?
“The age of consent is sixteen. If I say anything, she risks going to prison on rape charges,” he answered calmly, but sadly.
He floored me with that one. I’d never even considered the possibility that someone would consider that to be rape.
“I spoke to her about saying something, and that was when she told me about the statutory rape laws. She’s more than two years older than me, which technically makes her a child molester. If I say anything, she’s in big trouble,” he continued. “I won’t do that to her.”
He was adamant on that. I’d heard that tone before. I felt a mixed surge of admiration and jealousy. At fourteen, I’d still been a virgin, and had only dreamt of having an older woman. My brother had managed to do it! Not only that, but he’d shown a great deal of maturity in not wanting to get the girl into trouble. My little brother was growing up fast.
“What about another girlfriend?” I suggested.
He scowled at me.
“I’m supposed to find a girl and fuck her brains out, just to prove I’m not gay?” he said crudely. “Forget it! I won’t be like that.”
“You don’t have to sleep with her…” I started, before he interrupted me.
“Unless I sleep with her and then tell everyone about it, they won’t believe me,” he insisted. “For now, I just want to forget about it. I want my life to be normal again,” he finished forlornly.
I waited to see if he’d say anything else. When he didn’t, I took it to mean he still wasn’t ready to talk about everything. At least he’d acknowledged that I was on his side. That left the door open for the future.
Standing up, I said, “Break and Chris are here. We’ll be having dinner, soon.”
Without looking at me, he just nodded. When he did nothing else, I headed to the door. As I opened it, I heard his voice from behind me.
“Thanks, Stick,” he said softly.
“Anytime, Giant,” I replied compassionately.
I quietly left the room, closing the door behind me. Randy needed some help, but he wasn’t ready to accept it. The signs were good that he’d come around, but I didn’t know how much pain he’d have to go through first.
I went back to the kitchen and found only Mum and Dad. They were talking quietly. Neither looked happy.
“How is he?” Mum asked as soon as she noticed me.
“Very down, but I think he’s getting over it. Give him a little while and he might come out on his own. He took most of his frustration out on the school shirt that was dyed. It’s been ripped up.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “Okay. No loss there. The other boys are in the lounge room. Why don’t you grab a drink and join them. I’ll call you when dinner is about to be served.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
I quickly poured myself an OJ and headed off to join the other guys. Adam and Scott were draped over each other on the couch and Chris was sitting in a chair opposite them. They seemed to be talking about plans for the upcoming Easter long weekend.
As they didn’t appear to have noticed me, I stood back and observed them. Adam and Scott were relaxed – that was very clear. They weren’t as touchy-feely as some couples I know, but I know others that show few signs of affection in public. Apart from the holding of hands, what they were doing wasn’t too far from what guys our age would do if they were relaxed with their mates and just playing around. It wasn’t too much of a stretch for me to accept the scene in front of me as just two good mates who were comfortable with each other. I knew that wasn’t what it really was, but I found it easier to think of it that way.
As I watched, I noticed Adam was regularly squeezing Scott’s hand. Was that to show he was happy that Scott was there, or was it to reassure Scott about something? I still remembered Scott’s fears from the night that I first found him and Adam together. He really wanted to keep things hidden for as long as he could. He knew he could be open here, and with his brother, but the whole thing was still bothering him. Michael hadn’t done him any favours with his talk about gay bashings.
“Stick!” Scott suddenly said, giving me a big grin. “Good to see you again. How’s your holidays going?”
“Holidays?” I replied in mock disbelief as I entered the room.
“You don’t know my mum, if you think this has been a holiday!” I added.
“We know,” Chris said sympathetically. “Adam’s been filling us in on what you two have been up to.”
“Yeah, well, all I can say is that I think going back to school next week is going to be the holiday, even if it’s to a week mainly of exams,” I said with a shake of my head.
I dropped into the spare chair and hung one leg over the armrest. Mum hates me doing that, but I find it relaxing.
We were chatting about various things – mainly school, music and basketball – when Chris’ eyes opened wide in surprise. As he looked past me, he grinned.
“Is this some gesture of solidarity, Giant?” he chuckled.
I turned my head to see Randy standing there, pink hair and all. He wasn’t as sullen as he had been, but he wasn’t any bundle of laughs, either.
“No,” he answered bluntly. “It was a gift from a bunch of arseholes.”
I looked over at Adam, who seemed to be feeling a little guilty.
“You didn’t tell them?” I asked him.
“Sorry, no. It slipped my mind when Break got here,” he replied sheepishly.
Scott glanced at Adam, then me, before turning back to stare at Randy.
“Luke Williams and his mates ambushed me on the way home with balloons filled with dye,” Randy explained, a touch of anger reflecting in his narrowed eyes. At least he wasn’t swearing.
“Shit, mate, were you hurt?” Chris asked.
“No,” Randy replied, a faint smile showing his appreciation for the concern. “More shaken and angry than anything else.”
“What happened?” Scott asked.
I was expecting him to refuse to answer, but I was wrong. He must have calmed down a bit. Either that or, having told the police, he may have felt there was nothing to lose in retelling the story.
“I was walking along the road home, after getting off the bus, when I heard a car behind me,” he started. “I looked back and saw it stopping just after the corner. I thought they must have been lost and had just pulled into the side street to check the map. Shortly afterwards, I heard the car coming up slowly behind me. I stepped off to the side and started to turn to face them, expecting to be asked for directions, when I heard someone yell, ‘Take this, ya poofter!’ There were two guys hanging out the passenger side windows. Before I could do anything, they threw the balloons at me and the car sped up and headed off down the road.”
He paused and scowled, as he looked down at the floor. I could see him restoking his anger.
“I knew they’d be back, because it’s a dead-end road, but I didn’t know what to do. I was still standing there, looking at the dye on my clothes, when the car came hooning back. That’s when I saw Luke Williams driving with the window open and a balloon in his hand. I turned to run away, but he got me in the back of the head before he drove off. The idiot was laughing as he went, as if he thought it was funny. I think that was the one that did most of the damage to my hair.”
“Mum was planning to organise an appointment for tomorrow to get his hair dyed black,” I said. “I haven’t checked if she got one, or not.”
Randy stared thoughtfully at Chris. A twisted grin appeared on his face.
“No,” he said slowly. “I like Chris’ idea better. I’m going to leave it this way.”
“WHAT?” I yelled. “How are you supposed to convince everyone you’re not gay when you’ve got pink hair!?”
“Let ‘em think what they want!” he snarled back at me. “I’ve given up on telling people I’m not gay. I’m almost ready to try to find myself a boyfriend. If I’m supposed to be gay, then maybe I should get some of the benefits, as well as all the crap!”
“But you’re not gay!” I stated angrily.
“Fuck off, David,” he spat, shocking me to my core. “You have no idea what it’s like.”
I was sitting there trying to find something sensible to say when Dad appeared in the doorway.
“Randy,” he said calmly, “Can you please give me a hand out here?”
There was no way Dad hadn’t heard our yelling. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the twins had heard it from their place. Dad didn’t mention it, so he must have wanted to say something to Randy in private.
Randy stormed out of the lounge. He’d seemed calm and collected in his bedroom, but it hadn’t taken much to set him off.
“Giant’s not coping well,” Adam remarked sadly to Scott.
“That’s an understatement!” Chris commented.
“As long as everyone thinks he’s gay he’s just going to keep getting hurt,” Adam continued, locking eyes with Scott.
Scott just sat there, stiff and unmoving. His eyes never left Adam’s face.
“Giant’s too good a guy to go through that crap. I’d like to help him out, if I can,” Adam added softly.
He and Scott just sat there staring at each other. Scott was slowly shaking his head. They were ignoring everyone else in the room, until Chris stood up.
“Adam, we all want to help Randy,” he said, “but just don’t ask too much of us, okay?”
Adam broke eye contact with Scott and looked up at Chris’ stern expression.
“How about you get the balloons, I get the dye, and we all go for a drive and look for some bullies?” Adam suggested to Chris with a laugh.
Chris started to pat his pockets, looking increasingly desperate. With a sigh, he spread his hands.
“Sorry, guys. I’m fresh out of balloons. Maybe another time,” he said sadly, before grinning.
We were called for dinner shortly afterwards. Chris, in particular, was a good dinner guest, with lots of interesting stories to tell. Scott kept most of his attention on Adam and didn’t say a lot. If anything, he seemed tense. Randy was quiet for most of the meal, though he did show a few signs of his old self when the conversation strayed to the subject of basketball.
The night finished late, though Dad tried half-heartedly to end it earlier, with some lame excuse like we had a basketball game the next day. He was shouted down by everyone except Randy, who’d disappeared back to his room soon after we’d finished the meal.
There was another delay when Adam and Scott disappeared outside to say goodbye to each other. Chris dryly asked how long we should give them.
Dad answered, “To be fair, we should give them as much time as David used to take with Liz – say, a couple of hours?”
I blushed, though I’d never taken that long. I couldn’t recall how many times Trev had been left waiting for Liz and me to say goodbye to each other.
When Scott and Adam came back in, I noticed that Scott had been crying. He was still holding Adam’s hand firmly, and had to be prised away. They had been best friends, before, but it seemed that they were moving quickly into a much deeper relationship.
When I finally got to bed that night, I had two things running through my mind: the problems with Randy and my new hope for a reconciliation with Liz. As they started getting jumbled up, I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning with a buzz of anticipation.
Mum would be taking Randy and me into town so Randy could get his hair dyed black. He’d made some dumb comment about keeping it pink, but I couldn’t believe he’d do it. He’s too sensible for that.
While I was in town I would duck into the florist and order some flowers to be delivered to Liz. The night before, I’d agonised about what to put on the card, but I’d eventually decided a simple, “I’m sorry, David” would do. After all, my main purpose was to open up some communications, so we could talk about our problems and, hopefully, resolve them. Adam had convinced me that it was all just a big misunderstanding and that Liz would be happy to have me back. I wanted her so much I’d have done almost anything to end our separation.
That afternoon we would have our last basketball game before the start of the finals. It should be an easy win, but we were down to only six players, with Randy injured and Aiden off the team. We’d all be tired by the end of the match, but I had no doubts we would beat them without any real trouble.
I was nervous about the barbeque to follow at the twins’ place. They had said that their dad is a bit rabid on the subject of homosexuals. Did he know about Adam? If he did, then there might be some fireworks that night. At least, Adam could walk back to our place if he had to leave suddenly, though I think Dad would take us all home if it came down to that.
Scott and Chris would be at the barbeque as well, but it would be too obvious for them to come over to our house afterwards. I decided I would have a word with Adam and Randy to see if we could come up with a legitimate-sounding reason for them to come back to our place. That way, Scott and Adam could have some time together. They certainly wouldn’t be able to do that with Mr. Ricardo, the twins’ dad, hovering around. I couldn’t even imagine how frustrating that would be for those two guys – each knowing that his boyfriend was just there, within reach, but not being able to show any sign of affection.
On second thoughts, I did know how that felt. I’d gone through something similar with Liz earlier in the week, when the two of us were forced to sit together in that Media Studies class. It was absolute agony.
As I rolled out of bed, I was determined to not let myself go through that again. I glanced at the clock and saw it was still early. I grabbed some clothes and headed for the shower.
As I let the warm water soak through me, I had an inspiration for my dad’s birthday present. Mum’s reaction the night before, when I’d given her a hug and said that I loved her, showed me that I hadn’t been telling my parents how much I appreciate them. I’d need to get Randy and Adam to put in as well, but I thought it would be a good idea to shout them a dinner in town – just the two of them. We’d pay for it ahead of time, and all they would have to do would be to show up and enjoy themselves. Feeling pleased with myself, I turned off the water. The only thing I had to do then was to sell the idea to the other two potential contributors. It wouldn’t work unless we all put in.
I was very cheerful as I walked into the kitchen. It felt like one of those days when everything was going to work out. I wasn’t overly surprised to see my dad already in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand, staring out the window.
I silently made my own cup and joined him. There was a light drizzle of rain outside, and as a consequence, everything looked dull.
We stood there quietly, absorbing the scene while sipping our coffees. Without looking at me, my dad reached out a hand and placed it on my shoulder. I turned my head but he didn’t say anything – he just squeezed gently. I took that as an indication of thanks, or maybe affection. Sometimes Dad doesn’t say what he feels, but instead tries to communicate non-verbally.
Eventually, his cup was empty, though mine was still half full. With a sigh he turned away and started making himself some toast for breakfast. Instead of looking at the scenery outside, I watched my dad.
There was a slowness about his movements that was out of place. Something was dragging him down and, unless it was work-related, it had to be the situation with Randy and Adam. I was worried, but I didn’t know what to do or what to say.
As he finished buttering his toast, he looked over to me and caught my eye for the first time that morning. His face was haggard, as if he’d had little or no sleep.
“David, your mum and I are worried about both Randy’s and Adam’s safety. Yesterday’s attack could just be the start of things more vicious. Do you have any ideas on what we should do?”
Dad had asked my advice in the past, but never in such a desperate tone. Usually it was just to field some extra options to consider. This time it looked like he and Mum didn’t have any ideas of their own, at least not any that they were happy with. That didn’t make me feel particularly good, as I didn’t have many ideas, either.
“Apart from making sure they’re not left alone in public, I don’t know,” I admitted.
Dad sighed and bowed his head.
“That’s all we could come up with, too. Hopefully, the police will be able to charge the ones who attacked Randy. We’re going to inform the school first thing Monday morning. We just have to get through the weekend, first.”
He looked up, showing no enthusiasm.
“Your grounding is terminated. We’re going to need you to help out,” he added quietly.
The news that I was no longer restricted to the house would normally have had me smiling broadly. The reason for the lifting of the ban stopped that dead in its tracks.
A silence settled between us as we became lost in our own thoughts. While I desperately wanted to go order those flowers for Liz, I was having doubts on whether I should leave Randy alone at the hairdresser’s. Dad had scared me. Was Randy really in that much danger? And maybe even Adam, too?
While Dad was having his breakfast – a single slice of toast and another cup of coffee – I started to get something for myself. I didn’t feel like cooking anything, so I ended up with a bowl of cereal and a banana.
Mum came inside shortly afterwards. As is typical, she’d been out looking after the horses. Dad quickly poured her a coffee while she put away her wet jacket. The two of them had a whispered conversation that I made no attempt to overhear. I thought I knew what it was about, and I didn’t want to hear anything that might disturb me even more. The buzz of excitement that I’d woken up with had long since disappeared.
I’d finished my cereal and was pouring myself some more coffee when Adam entered the room, followed by Randy. Adam seemed tense and gave a couple of nervous glances over his shoulder at the younger boy behind him, but Randy looked defiant. He strode in as if he wanted everyone to notice him and his pink hair, and was daring us to make a comment.
When no one said anything about his hair, Randy seemed to deflate slightly. He still had an aggressive air, but he settled down and made his breakfast without a fuss.
Once the two were finishing their food, Mum was the one to light Randy’s fuse.
“Randy, dear, I got you a 9:30 appointment to get your hair colour changed. I suggest black, but if you want to go for a deep red or brown, that will be fine, too. You might even go for streaks or tips, if you like,” she finished with a soft smile.
“I like my hair the way it is!” my brother replied angrily, rising to his feet
“Your hair is currently pink,” Dad pointed out gently, “not one of the normal teen colour schemes.”
“I’m not getting my hair dyed!” Randy stated loudly and firmly. Standing with crossed arms, he glared defiantly around the room.
To my surprise, Dad slowly nodded his head.
“Okay, as long as you’re prepared to live with the consequences of that decision,” he replied.
Randy’s head jerked up and down. He was tense, and he didn’t seem sure that he’d made the right decision, but he wasn’t backing down.
“Good. The first thing is that either David or Adam, or both, will be with you all weekend,” Dad said.
“Why?” Randy exclaimed, looking angry.
“Because there are idiots out there who will take offense, and I want someone with you at all times,” Dad answered, leaning forward to make sure he had Randy’s full attention. “If you’re going to go around with pink hair, you are not going by yourself.”
Randy scowled and looked away before reluctantly nodding his head. Without turning back he headed down the hallway to his room. I admired the way Dad had manoeuvred Randy into accepting an escort for the weekend without revealing his real concerns. On impulse, I decided to follow my brother. He seemed almost in a semi-reasonable mood, and he might be ready to give me some answers.
Randy looked up at me as I approached his room. After an indifferent shrug in my direction, he started going through his CD collection. I stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
“Why are you insisting on keeping the pink hair, Giant?” I asked, trying to just sound curious, instead of accusing.
“I have a few reasons. None are good enough by themselves, but when I add them up, I think it’s a good idea,” he answered without turning to face me.
“Like what?”
He twisted his head and stared at me, looking like he was in deep thought. With a sigh, he straightened up, moved over to his bed, and sat down. Staring into space, he hesitantly started to answer.
“Probably the main one is that it feels like if I get my hair dyed, Luke wins. By leaving it pink, I’m telling him that I don’t care, and that what he did was a waste of time.”
He looked up at me and seemed a little distant, as if he was thinking of something else.
“I was reading one of Dad’s books a few weeks ago, and there was a character in it who was the target of a nasty joke, but instead of hiding away, she was brave enough to stand her ground, and that started to change people’s attitudes. The joke backfired. I don’t know if that will happen here, but I’m willing to give it a go. If people can see the level of abuse that Luke and his type dish out, they might stand up and help stop it.”
I shook my head. “That’s fiction, Randy. Real life doesn’t work that way.”
“Why not?” he asked indignantly. “At least it’s worth a try.”
Before I could respond, he continued, “It’s just a colour, anyway. If it was green, blue, purple or gold, it wouldn’t be an issue.”
“Pink’s a girl’s colour, though,” I pointed out. “That, and a colour associated with gays.”
“Do you know why that is? Kev explained it to me yesterday,” Randy said quietly.
“No,” I answered, intrigued by the sudden change of topic. At least Randy was talking, and not bottling things up. I decided to try to have a word with some of his friends. They seemed to be taking a strong interest in what was going on. “How does he know?”
“He’s a history buff. It seems it dates back to World War II. Jews weren’t the only ones in the concentration camps. Homosexuals were there, too. The Jews had to wear the Star of David to show what they were. Gays had to wear a pink triangle. That’s where it came from – a symbol the Nazi’s used to oppress homosexuals,” Randy explained. “The gay movement has picked up on that, and now it’s a symbol of pride for them.”
He stared directly into my eyes. There was a depth to his feelings, and it had seemed to flow through his words.
“I’m not going to let the Luke Williamses of the world take away my pride. He thinks this is shameful,” he said resolutely, indicating his hair. “I’m going to show him otherwise.”
In spite of my serious doubts, I couldn’t help but feel proud of my brother. Rather than just taking the abuse, he was planning on standing up to the bullies, and in a way that my parents would heartily approve. I knew I couldn’t do anything but support him.
I smiled as I said, “Okay, Randy. Let me know if you want me to do anything to help.”
He gave me a twisted smile.
“How about getting your hair dyed pink?”
I rocked back at that one. I wasn’t sure I could do it, but if I was really pushed I’d probably go through with it, for my brother’s sake.
Some of my shock must have been evident, as Randy gave a wide grin.
“Only kidding, Stick,” he said cheerfully. “Now, how about getting out of my room? I want to get changed, and I don’t need you perving on me while I’m doing that.”
I grinned and left quickly, closing the door behind me. That had been classic Randy at the end. Even if he still had lapses into anger and aggression, my brother was still in there.
I rejoined the others and found Mum and Dad asking Adam pretty much the same question Dad had asked me earlier. Adam didn’t have any better suggestions than me. He did make the additional comment that if they could convince everyone that Randy isn’t gay, it should stop him getting any more serious abuse. Mum started to ask how they could do that, but her voice faded and she just stared at Dad with a strange expression. Dad just shook his head and said they’d have to think about it.
I could understand that. As far as I could work out, the only way to prove he’s not gay would be for him to have sex with a girl. At fourteen, that was not something my parents could easily accept. I didn’t bother them with a summary of the conversation I’d had with Randy the day before. He hadn’t approved of the idea either, so the whole thing was not likely to happen.
I kept quiet on my other concern, too. Since Randy wasn’t getting his hair dyed, I wouldn’t be going into town. That meant no trip to the florist to order flowers for Liz. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t escape feeling that it would come over as being selfish. I would just have to come up with another plan.
With that out of the way, Mum started to get ready to do the grocery shopping for the week. When Randy emerged soon afterwards, she asked the three of us if we wanted to go into town. Adam and I turned as one to see what Randy wanted to do. He straightened up, as if he was preparing himself to face the hordes, but then dropped his shoulders. In a quiet voice he said he thought he’d stay at home until it was time for the match.
Adam quickly said he’d stay, too, as he wanted to get a little more study done.
I was about to say I’d stay, when Mum offered to take me to the florist if I would help her with the shopping. I grinned widely as I accepted. I had resigned myself to not organising flowers for Liz, but Mum hadn’t forgotten.
The shopping took the rest of the morning. Mum gave me some time off to organise the flowers, but she vetoed my suggestion of taking them in person. I still had to arrange for them to be delivered. She didn’t explain why, but just told me to trust her. I was at the shop for a long time as I tried to work out what to get Liz; there were just too many choices. Uncertain I was making the right choice, I eventually settled on a mixed arrangement that included some Australian native plants. It just seemed more natural and more “me” than the other selections.
With that out of the way, we headed back home for lunch. After quickly unpacking the car and putting everything away, I made myself a cheese and vegemite sandwich and a cup of tea. Not the biggest of lunches, but my stomach had started going queasy after I’d paid for the flowers. I was so nervous about whether it would work, and I was trying to sort out what the next step should be.
I was doing odd jobs around the house that afternoon when the phone rang. Mum picked it up and then yelled out for me.
“David! Phone!”
I headed into the kitchen where Mum was standing with the handset. Without a word, she gave it to me.
“David here,” I said.
“Listen, you bastard,” Trevor snarled, “I don’t know what sort of game you’re playing, but I’m not going to let you break my sister’s heart a second time. You stay away from her, you hear?”
With that he hung up.
I just stood there, speechless. The flowers had been delivered, but that wasn’t the reaction I’d expected. Did Liz see them, or did Trevor get rid of them first?
“What did he say, honey?” Mum asked.
“He told me to keep away from Liz,” I replied numbly.
“Did she see the flowers?”
“He didn’t say,” I answered, before throwing the phone onto the bench and racing off to my room. I wanted to get there before the tears started.
My hopes had been raised so high, first by Adam, and then by my mum’s help. Trevor had smashed those dreams with a handful of words.
As I lay face down on my bed, trying to smother my sobs with my pillow, I felt someone sit on the bed beside me.
“Don’t give up,” Mum said softly. “You’re hurting, but hope isn’t lost. The only one who can turn you down for good is Liz, not Trevor. We’ll wait until Monday and see if Liz says anything. Until then, hold on, honey. Don’t let go of your dreams.”
I nodded my head. I wasn’t prepared to give up, but I didn’t like the pain I was having to go through while I was hoping.
“Should I call her?” I asked, my voice still partially muffled by the pillow.
There was a pause before I heard her answer.
“I don’t think so, honey. Give her some time to think about it, first. You don’t want to aggravate Trevor any more, besides.”
When I didn’t say anything more, she put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently before standing up and leaving me to my misery.
I worked at taking Mum’s advice on board. While Trevor may have hated me, he wasn’t the one I was aiming for. If Liz would take me back, he’d come around; I was sure of it. He loves his sister, and he was just trying to protect her.
By the time Dad came in to tell me to start getting ready for the basketball game, I’d calmed down. Mum was right – I just had to be patient and see whether Liz had got the flowers.
I was slightly better than a robot as I got changed into my basketball gear, but I was still very wooden. Luckily it was only going to be Dad, Adam and Randy in the car with me. The twins were going with their dad. I slowly brought myself back under control and started to focus on the game that was coming up. By the time we arrived at the stadium, I was almost back to my normal self.
When we entered the basketball stadium, I quickly took stock of the game before ours. There was still about five minutes to go, but the Steels Creek team was leading by more than twenty points. It looked like it was going to be an easy finish to the main season for them.
As we walked along the end of the court, Leo was on a fast break, steaming down towards us. It was a regulation lay up, but he stuffed it up as his head snapped around at the sight of Randy. He quickly recovered, retrieved the ball, and shot a goal, but then couldn’t help staring for a second or two. With a shake of his head, he headed back to the other end of the court where the rest of his team was waiting. He glanced back over his shoulder a couple of times on the way, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
Leo wasn’t the only one affected. B1, B2 and their dad were all staring, their dad scowling. Gary had left Mary behind and was already on his way to intercept us. Scott and Chris were whispering to each other – they knew about the hair, but clearly had been expecting it to have been fixed before we arrived.
“Bloody hell, Giant. What happened?” Gary asked as he came up to us.
“Luke Williams ambushed me on the way home from school, yesterday,” Randy stated with a touch of anger. Indicating his hair, he added, “This is the sort of thing the arsehole thinks is funny.”
“Why didn’t you just get it coloured?”
Randy scowled, but with a hint of a twisted smile. “I’m not going to let him win. I want everyone to know what he did to someone four years younger than him.”
Gary slowly shook his head. As he did, a slow grin crossed his face.
“Count on me, Giant. He deserves everything that’s coming to him,” he eventually remarked.
At that moment, I saw Michael O’Conner getting up from the Steels Creek bench and starting to make his way over to us.
We were all moving to the seats where everyone else was waiting when Michael reached us. He held out his hand to Randy.
“Sorry to hear about the attack, Giant. Dad told me all about it,” he said sympathetically.
Randy took his hand and gave a small smile as they shook. Every extra bit of support seemed to boost my brother’s confidence and self-esteem.
“Thanks, Michael,” he said. Looking past him, he added, “I should apologise to your dad for my behaviour yesterday. I wasn’t being very helpful.”
Michael shook his head while smiling.
“He understands. He told me that he thought you were still in shock when he spoke to you.”
Before Randy could say anything more, Michael wiped the grin from his face and leant forward.
“I need to tell you that I saw Nick Tremen talking privately with Luke Williams on Wednesday and again yesterday. I don’t know if it means anything, but I thought you should know,” he stated, lowering his voice.
“Who’s Nick Tremen?” Randy asked, scowling.
I realised I hadn’t passed along that information. Michael had told us on Wednesday, but with the events of that afternoon it had slipped my mind.
“He’s the guy I suspect of putting the paint in your bag,” I quickly interjected, before turning back to Michael.
“Thanks again, Michael. Can you give me your phone number before you leave?” I asked. “I think we need to keep in touch, if you don’t mind,” I finished lamely, realising I was assuming that he wanted to get more deeply involved.
“Sure, Stick. I’ll do that now,” he said, glancing back at the play on the court. “I don’t think I’ll be back in the game. We seem to be doing pretty well,” he finished, with a dry understatement.
With the wave of a hand, he trotted back to where his dad was sitting and had a quick word. Mr. O’Conner immediately started ferreting around inside the bag next to him and pulled out a pen and something to write on.
Turning my attention back to my teammates, I found Randy sitting next to Mary, filling her in on what had been happening. For the first time in a few days, he actually looked relaxed. Somehow, the way she was listening and paying attention to him was getting him past the anger and frustration. I decided to leave him in her capable hands, and moved down to where Adam was just sitting down between Chris and B1.
“Brett,” the twins’ dad said sternly as he rose to his feet. “Swap seats with me.”
B1 cringed, but did what he was told, throwing Adam an apologetic glance before he moved. It couldn’t be more obvious that Mr. Ricardo had heard the stories about Adam.
Rather than have Adam sitting next to Mr. Ricardo, I quickly jumped into the vacant space between Adam and Brian. The twins’ dad stared at me for a second. I returned his stare as innocently as I could, and he nodded and resumed his seat. He made enough room so that Brett could sit on the other side of Brian.
“Sorry, Stick,” Brian whispered to me out of the corner of his mouth. “He found out last night.”
“Will there be problems at the barbeque?” I whispered back.
Brian twisted and looked at his brother. I saw Brett grimace a couple of times and then shrug. Brian then turned back to me.
“We don’t think so, but we’re not sure. Just don’t let our dad get Ads or Giant alone,” he responded quietly.
That was not a promising start.
Turning to Adam, I whispered, “Did you get any of that?”
“No,” he replied quietly. “There was too much noise. What did they say?”
I quickly relayed the conversation. Adam shrugged and said, “We’ll wait until then. Your parents are going to be there, so I don’t think things will get out of control. Let’s get this game out of the way, first.”
He then turned to pass on the information to Chris and Scott. As he did, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“What happened to Giant?” Brian asked me, in a slightly louder voice than before.
I scowled as I stared blankly across the court.
“He was ambushed by some homophobic arseholes,” I declared bitterly. “They’re years older than him, but that didn’t mean anything to them. Even though he’s not gay, they think he is, and in their minds that makes him a legitimate target.”
“Do you know who it was?” Mr. Ricardo asked, concerned and apparently non-judgemental.
“Yes. It was someone from school. The police have been informed, and it’s in their hands,” I answered, turning to face him. I was surprised at his reaction. After the way he clearly didn’t want his sons to sit next to Adam, he showed nothing like that about Randy. Maybe the twins had convinced him that my brother is not gay.
“Good,” he replied, nodding his head sternly. “Even if he is a homosexual, he doesn’t deserve that.”
That was interesting. I had been assuming that if he was as rabid on the subject of homosexuals as the twins had warned us, then that was only one step removed from attacking them, like Aiden’s dad had. But Mr. Ricardo didn’t seem to be like that.
There was no time to ask him any questions, as the game before ours finished just then, and it wasn’t the right place for that sort of discussion, anyway.
I was pleased when some of the Steels Creek team came over to speak to Randy. While I was too far away to hear what they said, the body language, hand shaking, and especially Randy’s smiles, indicated that they were offering their support for my brother. I also noticed Michael speaking to a number of players and parents.
We warmed up for a few minutes before one of the refs called for the game to start. I noted that we had Neil and Lawrence as the two refs for the game. Both eighteen-year-olds were notoriously lazy, so the game could end up as rough one, but physically we were more than capable of handling the other team.
Our spectators were just Chris, Mr. Ricardo, Gary’s mum and Mary. The other team had a few parents, and that was all. It was going to be a quiet game, at least as far as crowd noise was going to be concerned. I felt relieved at that. I knew it was irrational, but I felt the less people around while Randy had pink hair, the better.
Dad quickly called out the starting five, or more accurately, who would be sitting on the bench. Randy was sitting out, as expected, and Gary was the other one. We all knew that Randy would be taking the court only if we really needed him. Otherwise, he was just there to cheer the rest of us on.
Before the ball was even tossed up by Neil, there was a bit of pushing and shoving around the centre circle. I could see it was going to be a rough game. With Randy out, I took the centre jump. I was very surprised when Lawrence blew his whistle as soon as the ball was tossed.
“Foul on number eight,” he announced loudly. “Keep your hands to yourself, next time.”
Adam just looked at him in amazement. “But I didn’t do anything,” he protested.
Lawrence blew his whistle again. “Technical foul, number eight.”
Dad jumped up, outraged. “What was that for?” he demanded.
“Disputing the ref’s decision,” Lawrence replied smugly, before heading down the court to administer the free throws.
We all just looked at each other. Everyone knew that the ref was cheating, but we didn’t know what to do about it.
“Adam, just stay out of it as much as you can,” Gary suggested, not very confidently.
“Four and one,” I quickly decided. “Adam, you stay up in offense.”
Everyone agreed, and we raced down to get into position for the free throws. Adam wasn’t going to play defense for the game. If he did, he’d be off the court in a matter of minutes, as Lawrence had made it clear than any contact between Adam and another player would be called a foul. Instead, four of us would play defense, and Adam would stay up the court, waiting for us to throw him the ball.
Against a better side, this wouldn’t have worked, but the team we were playing was second bottom on the ladder. Four of us were able to hold them out, barely. Lawrence was still clearly biased against us, but Neil made a special effort to try to be as fair as possible. The extra goals that the other team managed to get because of our decreased defense were balanced by the quick responses we got by throwing long passes down the court to Adam. Lawrence wasn’t blatant enough to make any more flagrant miscalls. As long as Adam was careful, he was okay. After a three-second call when he’d barely been in the key for a second or so, Adam took to shooting from just outside.
At halftime, we were eight points up. Normally, I would have expected that lead to be closer to twenty, but under the circumstances, eight wasn’t too bad. The worrying thing was that everyone had two or three fouls against them, except for Adam, who was sitting on four fouls. Even my dad had received a technical foul as the coach, for complaining about an obvious wrong call.
The other thing that was irritating everyone was that two of the dads of the opposing team were yelling out homophobic abuse. Their sons on the court were echoing them, without a whimper of complaint from Lawrence. Neil warned them both repeatedly, but he didn’t take it any further. If we opened our mouth to say almost anything, Lawrence was quick with a technical foul. Gary had only two fouls against him, but both were technicals for complaining to the ref. He had shown incredible restraint by keeping his mouth shut for the rest of the half – something he’d previously never managed to do.
Lawrence was only one ref, but he was making a huge difference. Instead of being an easy game, it was turning out to be one of the toughest we’d ever played.
“Okay, boys,” Dad said, as we all sat on the bench wondering what to do. “We don’t have to win this game. No matter what, our position on the ladder is secure. I’m prepared to pull the game, if you want. We walk out and don’t look back.” His disgust at the refereeing was crystal clear. Usually, Dad doesn’t make any comments about the refs apart from advising us on how to play to the game that’s being umpired. This was a rare exception.
We all exchanged glances. I was very tempted. Basketball is supposed to be enjoyable. Lawrence had sapped all the fun out of it, and was close to making me hate the game.
“You do that, and the bastard wins,” Randy said firmly. “We have to show we’re not intimidated. We quit now, and they’ll say we’re all a bunch of girls.”
“If I pull the team out in protest it’ll be my decision, not yours,” Dad replied. “I’m even happy for you to all yell abuse at me for doing so, as we walk out.”
“No, Giant’s right,” Gary said, nodding his head towards my brother. “We play this one out. If we lose, so what? As you said, it doesn’t matter. If we end up getting fouled out, we’ll still show that we aren’t quitters.”
Everyone quickly agreed. We’d play the game out, regardless of what they threw at us.
The second half started similar to the first. We were slowly pulling further in front, but everyone was in foul trouble. To be fair, Neil was trying to be as harsh on the other team as Lawrence was on us, but we had fewer players than they did.
With about five minutes to go in the match, we started to relax. The game was almost over, and it looked like we’d win. We were seventeen points up and we had the ball. At Dad’s suggestion earlier in the half, we’d taken to slowing the game right down. If we didn’t get a fast break, we’d take as long as we could before trying for a goal. The other team was getting frustrated at the tactics, but there wasn’t a lot they could do about it. Our competition uses a thirty-second shot clock only during the finals, so we took advantage of that and really stretched things out. The score wasn’t going to be as high as we would have expected, but we’d win.
Adam had the ball and was dribbling carefully across the top of the key when one of the opposition players raced out of their zone defense and slammed into him, knocking him to the floor.
Lawrence, who was only a few feet from the incident, blew his whistle.
“Charging foul, number eight. Keep your elbows down in future.”
It was the most blatantly biased call he’d made all match. Most of the rest could be argued, if you were extremely generous, but there was no way that Adam was at fault.
Randy jumped off the bench and charged onto the court.
“You bloody excuse for a ref! How could you call that a charging foul!” Randy yelled, as he raced towards where Adam was slowly picking himself up. Randy was furious, and wasn’t trying to hide it.
Lawrence backed quickly away, looking terrified.
“Well, what do you poofs expect, anyway? If you can’t take it, go back to the girls’ comp!” one of the other team yelled out.
Randy was ready to explode. He took one step towards the guy, but Gary, Brett, Brian and I grabbed him. I saw Scott standing at the side of the court, ready to charge on if we needed any help, but Dad was holding him back.
“Don’t get yourself into trouble!” I pleaded with my brother, trying to calm him down. “Don’t let him get to you.”
Slowly, we pushed Randy back to the bench. He resisted for the first few steps, but then allowed himself to be steered away.
“Randy,” Dad said, “if you can’t control yourself, go wait by the car. We can’t afford for you to get reported.”
Randy scowled for a second before he grabbed his bag and started to head off. In the meantime, the refs had informed Adam he had just been fouled out of the game.
“Adam, don’t leave the court!” Dad said quickly.
“He’s been fouled out, coach,” Neil said, trying to be reasonable.
“I’m allowed a full minute to make the substitution,” Dad replied testily. “He’s got until then to leave.”
Neil nodded his head in agreement and stepped away.
“Okay. I just want to run the clock down,” Dad explained to the rest of us who were hovering around. “I’m hoping that with both Randy and Adam off, things might calm down. But take care, all of you. If at all possible, keep the ball near Neil. If they try the same thing again, he’s more likely to make the correct call.”
“What about Randy?” I asked, worried that my brother was outside by himself.
“Adam, as soon as you step off the court, grab your things and follow Randy. Try to keep him out of trouble until I can join you,” Dad instructed. “I’m not going to wait for the end of the game. I just want to make sure things are okay here before I come out.”
With a quick look up at the clock, he nodded his head. “Okay, guys, we only have a few more minutes to go. Just play it safe. I don’t want any of you hurt. Get going.”
True to his word, Dad was out the door less than a minute later. We managed to get through the rest of the match without any real drama. There was a bit of verbal abuse, but even Gary let that go.
We were really relieved when we heard the siren sound for the end of the game.
We congregated in a corner of the stadium, as far from the other team and the refs as we could get. No one had suggested it, but it was an unspoken agreement that it was better to avoid any further contact.
As we stripped off our uniforms and put on our tracksuits, I saw Mr. Ricardo yelling at another adult, down the other end of the stadium. It was one of the parents who’d been yelling abuse during the match. Gesturing wildly, Mr. Ricardo seemed very agitated. I thought they were going to start throwing punches at each other, but then the twins’ dad turned and stormed away.
I also noticed Chris standing near the score bench while the refs signed off on the results. Suddenly, Chris looked around wildly and then ran out of the stadium.
“What was that about?” Scott wondered aloud, staring after his disappearing brother.
“I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s good news,” I answered. “Why don’t you wait here while I go check it out?”
“We’re coming, too,” the twins chorused. The others quickly insisted on not being left behind.
So, as a group, we headed to where the refs were standing. Lawrence took one look at us and headed off in the direction of the toilets. He didn’t seem to want to take any chance on talking to us.
“Hi, Neil,” I said. “Can we look at the scoresheet?”
“Sure, Stick,” he said, seeming to be nervous about something. “I suggest you start by checking the back,” he added tentatively.
I looked at him in surprise. I picked up the sheet and turned it over. With the others crowding around, we read what Lawrence had written there.
Randy had been reported for threatening a referee.
“You’ve got to be joking!” I said to Neil.
“Sorry, but the report’s been made,” he said apologetically. “I suggest you organise some witnesses as to what happened. I guess I’ll be seeing you on Tuesday night.”
“That’s a complete load of shit!” Gary exclaimed, beginning to lose control of his temper.
“I can’t do anything about it,” Neil apologised again. “Sorry.”
A player from the other team approached at that point and asked to see the sheet. I handed it over without a word as I turned to look at my teammates. I just didn’t know what to say.
The others were still muttering angrily when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw that the player who’d taken the sheet was standing there with a piece of paper.
“Here’s my phone number. My dad and I will be witnesses for your brother, if you want. Just give us a call.”
I took the paper and looked at it in surprise. I saw the name Brendan Stanlen written there.
“Thanks, Brendan,” I responded with genuine relief. “That should make a good impression on the tribunal!”
He gave me a shy smile. “My dad and I think it was totally unfair what happened. I’m also thinking of quitting the team, after what the other guys said. None of you deserved that.”
I quickly scrambled for a pen and paper of my own, talking as I searched.
“We’re down a player. Give my dad a call and maybe you can switch over to our team for next season.”
“I’ll think about it, but I think you guys are too good for me. Anyway, good luck for Tuesday night, and good luck for the finals.”
I gave him our phone number, and with that he jogged off.
Dad arrived on Brendan’s heels.
“What’s this about a report?” he asked breathlessly.
“Randy’s been reported for threatening the ref,” I answered, looking around for Neil. The referee, after catching my eye, brought over the scoresheet.
“Here, coach,” he said in a resigned manner. “I’m guessing this is what you’re looking for.”
Dad took the scoresheet and read what was written on the back. He went white. After handing the sheet back to Neil, Dad glanced over our assembled team.
“Come on, everyone. It’s time to go to the Ricardos’ place for dinner,” he said, showing a distinct lack of enthusiasm.
We all trudged out of the stadium. Behind us, I heard Neil starting the next game. I didn’t think Lawrence had left the toilets.
Gary, Mary and Gary’s mum headed off to their car, and the twins followed their dad. Scott went over with us to where Chris was waiting with Randy.
“What’s this about being reported?” Randy asked angrily.
“Get in the car, everyone,” Dad said, ignoring the question. “Thanks, Chris. We’ll see you shortly.”
“Can I ride with you guys?” Scott asked quickly, before Chris had moved.
Dad and Chris exchanged looks.
“Okay,” Dad said with a sigh. “We can tell anyone who asks that you wanted to talk to Randy.”
We all clambered in – Randy in the front and the rest of us in the middle seats. Scott sat between Adam and me.
“What’s this about a report?” Randy asked again as soon as we were all settled.
“Lawrence reported you for threatening him,” I answered when Dad didn’t say anything.
“I didn’t do anything!” he snarled back. “That guy is full of shit!”
“This is serious, Randy,” Dad said, as he pulled out of the car park and onto the main road. “It can mean big trouble if they find you guilty.”
Randy shrugged. “So I miss out on the finals. Big deal. We’ll just try again next season. How many weeks would I get, anyway?”
Dad was silent for a few seconds.
“For this charge, they don’t measure the penalty in weeks,” Dad said quietly. We all strained to hear what he added next. “They usually measure it in years.”
“Years?” Randy repeated faintly.
“Years,” Dad affirmed.
“When I was a referee, I was only ever involved in one case like this. There were two charges. One was threatening a ref. The second was assaulting a ref after the match. All the guy did to get the second one was to poke the referee. He got two years for the first charge and five for the second. I doubt they’ve changed things much since then,” Dad said in a flat tone. “This is serious, Randy.”
We were all silent after that. No one knew what to say.
“I’ve got the phone number of a member of the other team, Dad,” I eventually said. “He offered to be a witness for Randy. He and his dad were not impressed by what happened.”
“That’s really good, David,” he said with some enthusiasm. “The tribunal is more likely to take notice of that than anyone from our team. Who is it?”
“Brendan someone,” I replied, digging into the bag at my feet for the piece of paper. “Brendan Stanlen,” I added, once I’d found the details.
“He said he’s thinking of quitting his team because of the abuse they gave out. I’ve suggested he join our team,” I added.
“Thanks, David. If he wants to play with us, I think that’ll be great.”
After that, the conversation died. Scott and Adam started up a quiet chat, but I didn’t mind being excluded. I had enough on my mind as it was. Dad had really scared me with his talk of Randy being suspended for years.
All too soon, we arrived at the twins’ house. Chris pulled up alongside us, and we all got out at the same time. Scott got out on the side between the two cars, so unless someone saw him exit, they’d probably assume he got out of Chris’ car. Even if they didn’t, it wouldn’t be that unusual for him to have gotten a lift with us.
I was a little nervous, worrying about what sort of reception we’d all be getting, but Mrs. Ricardo quickly put us ease. With a flair that only Italian mothers seem to manage, she had food and drinks in our hands before we realised. She repeated, for the umpteenth time, her criticism that I was too thin, and that I should come over for dinner more often. I stood there grinning, like I always do when she fusses over me. I gave my traditional sigh of relief when she moved on to Randy, telling him that he had to eat more if he was to keep growing. She didn’t seem to think he was tall enough….
I spotted my mum chatting with Gary’s mum. It looked like the two of them were talking about something serious, so I started wandering around the yard. The night chill hadn’t come yet, but it wasn’t far off. The rain from earlier in the day had ended and the sky stayed clear. From past experience, I expected the temperature to drop quickly with the sun, causing everyone to move inside.
Mr. Ricardo had already fired up the barbeque and was taking charge. He and his wife were exchanging an almost constant stream of Italian, accompanied by expansive gestures from both. It sounded like they were arguing, but their body language showed that it was just some of ritual between them.
We teens were alternating between feeling angry and feeling almost helpless. After someone told Maria, the twins’ younger sister, about the earlier events, the incidents of the basketball game were recapped endlessly, and everyone agreed that Lawrence was an arsehole. We just hoped he wouldn’t be refereeing during the finals.
Before long, dinner was called. As usual, the Ricardos had put on a brilliant spread of food. I wouldn’t want to judge on who over-caters more, mum or Mrs. Ricardo, but if I had to I’d say Mrs. Ricardo. Everyone grabbed a plate, piled it high with food, and started eating. Conversations kept going in fits and starts, but the main noise was just that of people enjoying their food. Maria took around a basket of homemade bread rolls for everyone, and the twins, each carrying a bottle of wine, wandered around to all the adults. Chris declined the wine, saying he had to drive, but all the rest had a glass.
After the outside temperature started to drop, and people had consumed all they wanted, everyone slowly migrated inside.
I kept an eye on Mr. Ricardo after we had moved to more constrained spaces. Apart from a slight frown whenever he looked at Adam, he neither did nor said anything untoward. Someone must have spoken to him; he wasn’t treating Randy like that. By the time people were starting to leave, I was feeling sure that everything was going to be okay.
Eventually, only our two families were left. I expected Mum and Dad to leave when Scott and Chris did, but to my surprise they headed back inside.
“Come on, boys,” my dad said as he and Mum moved away. “There is something we need to talk about.”
Randy, Adam, Brett, Brian and I followed them in. The twins exchanged puzzled glances, which they then shared with the rest of us. With a few shrugs, we all entered the house and went into the lounge room. There was only one likely topic that I could think of.
As we went in, Mum and Dad were sitting on a couch, Mrs. Ricardo had taken a chair in the corner, and Mr. Ricardo was standing in front of the unlit fireplace.
“Thanks for coming in, boys. Find a seat where you can,” Mr. Ricardo said as soon as we arrived. He looked nervous, but resolute.
“Maria,” he said sternly, “this does not concern you. Please go to your room.”
Maria pouted, but left the room as ordered. If I was right about what would be discussed, Mr. Ricardo clearly thought that, at twelve, Maria was too young to be involved. I thought he was wrong, as she’d contributed to our conversations outside, but none of the adults had heard those comments.
“Firstly, thank you, Kevin and Yvonne, for giving me this chance to say a few things,” he started, nodding his head towards my parents. “We need to clear the air, but we couldn’t do it with the others around.”
Mum and Dad stayed mute but gave him a non-committal nod in return.
Mr. Ricardo looked first at his wife and then at his two boys, before bringing his attention around to Adam.
“Adam, I have been informed that you have called yourself a homosexual,” he said cautiously. “Do you want to confirm or deny it?”
“I’m gay,” Adam said with a quiet dignity.
The twins’ father grimaced slightly and looked away for a moment. Taking a very visible deep breath, he turned his attention back to Adam.
“In that case, I have a number of things to say.
“I have been taught to believe that homosexuality is a sin. Despite recent attempts from various sources,” he said, glancing quickly at the other members of his family, “I have not changed my mind on that matter. However, I have been convinced that as long as you are not breaking the law, your sins, whatever they may be, are between you and God.”
He paused for a moment and leant forward slightly as he frowned at Adam.
“However, if I find out that you have done something inappropriate with either of my boys, I’ll make sure that you go to God as a soprano. Capisce?”
Adam shrank back slightly. Before he could respond, Brett spoke up.
“We’ve told you, Dad, Adam won’t do that!”
“I know, son, and I believe you. I’m just making sure that Adam doesn’t even think about changing his mind,” he said soothingly, as he looked over at his two sons.
Turning back to Adam, he frowned and repeated, “Capisce?”
“Capisce,” Adam conceded in a quiet voice.
“Good,” Mr Ricardo said, straightening up. “With that out of the way, you are welcome here at any time. You’ll have to excuse me if I occasionally preach at you,” he added with a small smile, “but you’re free to come and go as much as these two louts you’re living with.”
“Tony,” Mrs. Ricardo said hesitantly, “earlier today you were adamant that Adam wouldn’t be allowed to come here. What changed your mind?”
Mr. Ricardo sighed and looked away.
“The basketball game,” he said simply.
“What about the game?” Dad asked.
“It brought back some bad memories,” Mr. Ricardo said. Bringing his attention back to the other occupants of the room, he saw a total lack of comprehension on everyone’s faces.
“It goes back to when I was a young boy,” he started, but then he paused and looked over at his sons. “What does the word ‘Wog’ mean to you, Brett?”
“An Italian or Greek,” Brett responded slowly, like he was wondering if it was a trick question.
“Is that all?”
Brett just nodded his head, still confused. I looked over at Mum and Dad and saw them nodding with comprehension. They seemed to know what this was all about.
“When I was growing up it meant that, but it was also an insult. It was saying they were second-class people – almost less than human,” Mr. Ricardo explained patiently. “Attitudes were changing, and I only got the tail end as people slowly became more tolerant, but I know my dad and elder brother got it a lot.”
He turned back to Adam.
“It was like someone being called a poofter – not just because they are, but as a way of saying they are also scum, or lesser beings,” he continued. “That’s what struck me when I was watching your game and listening to what those parents and kids were calling you and the rest of the team. I remembered being called names as I grew up, names that cut into your very soul and make you wonder if that is what you really are. I had promised myself I’d never do the same to anyone else.”
Dropping his gaze to the floor, he added, “I almost forgot that promise.”
In the silence that followed, he looked up at Adam. His eyes were moist.
“Until I learn otherwise, you are the friend my boys have known for years. I hope you stay the same, and don’t change simply because your secret is out. On my side, I’m going to keep an eye on you, but I won’t interfere. You’ll get enough from others; I don’t need to add to it.”
He gave Adam a wry smile.
“And if I forget that, you have my permission to call me a ‘Wog’ to remind me.”
As Mum pulled into the school car park, I wondered what would happen. Sunday had passed without a word from Liz, and I was a nervous wreck over that. I didn’t even know whether she’d gotten the flowers, or Trevor had thrown them out before she saw them.
Randy had tried to argue that we should catch the bus to school, but Mum was firm. She was going to sit in the school office until she could see either Mr. Pitt or Ms. Ng. Since Mum was driving, there was no need for any of us to ride the bus. We could sense her unspoken fear that there might be another attack, but no one was brave enough to even hint about that subject.
We three boys got out of the car and hovered uncertainly nearby.
Before she locked the car, Mum reached in and got the file that Michael’s dad had dropped off the day before. It was a copy of the police report, which she would make sure was added to Randy’s school files.
Mr. O’Conner had been off duty when he’d dropped the file at our place, and he’d brought Michael with him. It turned out that Dad had rung him earlier and invited both of them around. What I had thought was going to be a short visit ended up stretching through dinner. They were still there when Scott and Chris showed up afterwards. There was an awkward moment when Michael stared at Scott, clearly puzzled, but I think I saved it when I grabbed Scott and asked him to help me review my Computer Studies notes. We worked on that until Michael and his dad left. I don’t know if we were being paranoid about Scott showing up, but the last thing he needed was a rumour going around that he had become a regular visitor to our house. A little covering up was a small price to pay to keep Scott’s secret.
I hadn’t known that Michael’s mum had died of breast cancer two years earlier. We all learnt that when Adam asked a question. We could all see the pain in Michael’s eyes as he told us. After a simple statement, he asked us to drop the subject.
“Okay, boys,” Mum said, shaking me out of my memories of the day before, “get going. Just stick together, please?”
After we waved an acknowledgement, we headed towards the outside basketball courts and Mum headed to the school office. We were a lot earlier than we’d have been if we’d caught the bus, so none of our usual friends were around.
“So, what are we going to do until everyone else arrives?” Randy asked as we walked along.
The difference in my brother from the previous Friday was dramatic. Two days of unwinding, apart from the incident at the basketball match, had eliminated much of his anger. He had seemed tense as we got into the car, but he appeared to be settling into the same sort of determination that Adam had, rather than showing a need to lash out.
I think a good part of that was due to church on Sunday morning. Randy had outright rejected the idea when Dad had announced it, and Adam had looked nervous, which I could understand, considering the events from our Religious Education class. Mum and Dad had insisted, though, and we had all gone to church.
From the way he’d scowled, I could tell that Randy had been prepared to throw any abuse back at anyone who made a comment, but he was completely disarmed when the minister went out of his way to say hello to all of us – especially Adam. Nominally an Anglican, Adam hadn’t been to our church before and had been surprised by the kind attention he received.
He seemed confused, though in a happy way, when the sermon shifted from that traditional for Lent and onto the subject of tolerance and love. The minister explicitly mentioned homosexuality, causing a faint whisper to run through the congregation, but he moved on without belabouring the point.
Afterwards, a number of other young people came up to say hello to both Randy and Adam. The conversations were on safe topics – apart from a couple of questions about Randy’s hair – but just the gesture was enough for Randy to start to respond. A goofy grin had appeared on Adam’s face, and it had stayed there until well after we’d left the church.
“Hang around and do stuff-all?” Adam suggested in response to Randy’s question, as we kept walking towards the basketball courts.
“If you two don’t mind, can we be somewhere where we can see both the main car park and the bus stop?” I asked.
“Why?” Randy queried.
“I want to catch Liz as soon as she arrives,” I answered meekly.
The other two exchanged knowing glances. Grinning, they quickly agreed, and we settled ourselves down. They started to chat about something, but I didn’t pay any attention. I had other things on my mind.
There was nothing I could do about Liz until I saw her and found out whether or not she’d got the flowers. If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t know what to do or say. So much depended on just being able to start to talk to her again, and to do that I needed an opening.
I’m sure the other two guys thought I was thinking on Liz, and she wasn’t far from my mind, but most of my thoughts were on Randy and Adam.
Strangely, it’s Randy who’s been teaching me about Adam and what it means to be gay.
Randy’s not gay – he’s said that several times – but he’s being hassled as if he is. I was slowly learning that being gay means a lot more than just being attracted to other guys. That’s the core of it, and something I don’t think I’ll ever understand, but I was beginning to see the consequences of it. The sex part, something that I’m still uncomfortable even thinking about, is what most people seem to focus on, but I was learning that there’s more than that to being gay. I was also realising that society’s attitudes affect how gay guys think and act.
Scott was hiding, and had hinted at times that he was having trouble keeping going. Randy had changed from a happy-go-lucky teenager into a sullen, stubborn prat, all because some people thought he was gay. I was hopeful that he was getting over that, but I still had a doubt, especially at times when a certain glint in his eyes showed that his temper was only being kept in check. If it can affect Randy that badly, it must be much worse for a guy who knows that what he’s being accused of is true.
Randy had accepted Adam as another brother very fast, but it just didn’t seem right to me. I was still trying to work out Adam’s place in my life. He was a schoolmate, a teammate, hopefully a friend, and a sort-of brother. Overshadowing all of that was the knowledge that he’s also gay. It was a struggle at times, but I knew I had to accept that part of him. When I first learnt it, I thought that was the only thing to consider, but as time went by I realised that it isn’t the major part of him. The only times I actually saw anything that reminded me of his orientation were when he was with Scott at home, or when some idiot spat abuse at him as they passed by him.
I still remember the pain in Adam’s voice when he told us he’s gay. I hadn’t taken it in at the time, but I haven’t forgotten. He’s bounced back a long way since then, but his attitude to life and the people around him is still being shaped by the fact that he’s gay and that everyone knows it. I’ve seen it in the classroom, where he tries to make sure he doesn’t give anyone any excuse for abuse. He used to be more relaxed and free to laugh and joke. That has changed. It might change back again, but he’s erected a wall that keeps most people at arms length. Scott, Randy, and, to some extent, my parents, are allowed inside that wall. I’ve managed to get to the stage of being allowed to sit on the fence. There are signs that I’ll be allowed in, too, but I still need to work on it.
Liz was probably also allowed inside Adam’s wall, but I didn’t know. I was hoping that I would be able to find out when I spoke to her. I felt a flash of pain and jealousy, which I quickly repressed. I had a good idea of why Randy had changed, and also what Adam and Scott were feeling, because I’d been one of those who’d represented the harsh side of society; one who’d helped Adam build that barrier to keep us out. I had done that from ignorance, but I’d hurt Adam and I was still paying the price for it. I don’t think I would have been as harsh on my brother Randy as I was on Adam, if he had announced he was gay, but that just further shows me how much society influences the lives of gay guys. Society doesn’t know Adam and Scott as well as I know them, so it will react in a more harsh and cruel way than I did.
It’s a sad fact that good and bad don’t balance out. The number of people who seem to be against Adam, to one degree or another, isn’t large. There are at least as many who support him. But as far as his peace of mind is concerned, the supporters aren’t enough to cancel out the detractors. He needs several people on his side for each person against him. Most have been indifferent, which is good, but not good enough. So far, he’s been tolerated, not accepted.
The more I thought about those things, the more Liz’s comments – the ones that lead to our breaking up – made sense. The problem wasn’t with Adam, but with peoples’ attitudes. Adam had never done anything to make me think he’d make a move on me, and I suspected he never would. Apart from handholding with Scott, and the occasional kiss, I doubted I’d ever see anything that would disturb me. At least I hoped I never would. I decided that if I never see or hear anything, and no one is hurt, I shouldn’t let anything Adam does in private mean anything to me.
Liz understood that instinctively, and I suspect Randy did, too. It took me a little longer to let it sink in. It also sank in that it isn’t just gays that are mistreated. There had been the fat guy – I felt guilty that I couldn’t remember his name – who had been picked on by almost everyone a few years back, before his family moved away. Anyone perceived as being different was a potential target. Conformity was the general rule at school, and pity anyone who was unusual in any way.
The next big challenge would be to work out how to pass my thoughts on to others, but I shied away from that. I was still coming to grips with them myself – I wasn’t ready to teach someone else.
My thoughts were still switching between Randy, Adam and Liz when I finally spotted the redhead I was looking for.
As I rose to my feet, I found myself paralysed with fear. Had she gotten the flowers? Was she going to speak to me?
Though I didn’t really believe it, I told myself that if she rejected me outright it would be time to move on. I’d try to start the communications again, and tell her that I was sorry. If that didn’t work, I would need to put her behind me, but I knew it wouldn’t be as simple as that.
“Come on, David,” Adam said encouragingly, “Giant and I will go over with you, but you have to do the talking.”
I gave him a weak smile. He grabbed me by the arm and I allowed him to pull me forward for a few steps, but then I took control of my body and forced it into action. Taking a couple of quick strides, I moved in front of the other two guys.
I was still about twenty feet away when Liz looked around and caught my eye. My stride faltered as I saw the surprise on her face. A smile was what I had been hoping for; a scowl or disgust was what I’d feared. I hadn’t considered surprise.
When she schooled her face into a neutral expression, I resumed my forward motion. It gave me hope that she was waiting to see what I would say.
“Hi, Liz,” I started faintly, cringing at the quiver I heard in my voice.
“Giant! What happened to you?” she asked, ignoring me completely.
I felt crushed. Pretending that I wasn’t even there was even more cruel than saying she didn’t want to see me anymore. It was as if she’d said it, and then taken it one step further and acted as if it was literally true.
I dropped my eyes to the ground and started to turn away, but Adam grabbed me by the arm. I looked up and saw him give me a faint smile and a shake of the head. Given that he’d been talking with Liz, I took his actions to mean that he wanted me to wait.
“Luke Williams and his mates ambushed me on the way home, last Friday,” Randy explained with a hint of hostility. He then gave a short chuckle. “I’m planning on letting everyone know, too. I want to see how many people think that fourteen-year-olds are fair targets for a thug like him.”
“Come here,” Liz said, holding up her arms.
Randy looked embarrassed, but he stepped forward and let her give him a hug. His face started to match the colour of his hair, but he didn’t try to pull away. She whispered something to him while she had him close, and he said something back to her. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and let him go.
She then turned and looked at me. For what seemed like an eternity, we just stared at each other.
“I’m sorry,” I said, hoping she hadn’t been too badly hurt by my behaviour.
Her expression didn’t change, and she just stood there.
“You were right,” I added, dropping my eyes to the ground. I couldn’t take that look anymore. If she didn’t say anything, I was going to walk away and try to accept that things were over between us.
“I got your flowers,” she remarked, as if that was just simply a matter of fact, and nothing special.
I quickly lifted my head. The left side of my mouth kept twitching up in a half-smile and then dropping back again as I nervously waited to see if she’d say anything more.
As the silence between us stretched on, a shout snapped our attention away from each other.
“Hey, Kennedy! Does your boyfriend like his new hair?”
Luke Williams was striding forward with a huge, and not particularly nice, grin. I was surprised that his cohorts weren’t with him. He obviously felt confident enough without their support.
Looking around, I saw that we were the centre of attention for a large group of students. Liz and I had been so wrapped up with each other that we hadn’t noticed the arrival of a bus and the subsequent whispering and staring at Randy’s hair.
Adam glanced around at the assembled students and then turned his attention to Luke.
“Randy is not my boyfriend,” Adam announced, louder than necessary. Everyone there could hear him. “He’s just a good friend who doesn’t care that I’m gay.”
Luke stepped forward menacingly. Adam took an involuntary step backwards before straightening up and glaring at the larger boy.
I quickly moved up next to him. This time I wasn’t going to leave him to face the bully by himself.
“Well, even if he’s not your boyfriend, he’s still in trouble,” Luke growled. “Running to the cops was not a smart thing to do!”
“Randy didn’t go to the cops. The rest of us got the police involved after you were so gutless to pick on a fourteen-year-old,” I interrupted, with a touch of nervous bravado. I thought the three of us could probably handle Luke, but he was one big, mean thug.
Luke turned on me. “The stick insect speaks!” he sneered. He reached out and grabbed me by my shirt and added warningly, “I like breaking sticks, so watch out.”
“Leave them alone, Williams! Pick on someone your own size, for a change.”
The strange voice from the crowd to my left distracted everyone. As one, we turned our heads to see a muscular, older student pushing his way through. Well over six feet tall, he towered above all of us.
I had no idea who he was. Regardless, I was thankful for his intervention. Luke can be very intimidating when he focuses on you.
“Piss off, Roberts. This doesn’t concern you,” Luke said, his attention firmly on the approaching guy. His grip on my shirt wasn’t slipping, though, and I was still petrified that he was going to thump me. The out-of-control edge to his behaviour was scaring me.
“Well, I’m making it my concern,” Roberts rasped, raising one eyebrow and crossing his arms. He was daring Luke to do something stupid.
Luke pushed me away. I staggered, but managed to avoid the indignity of falling to the ground.
“Don’t think this is the end,” Luke said to me, Adam and Randy, before turning and storming away. A young girl who wasn’t quick enough to get out of the way was knocked over as Luke passed her.
Roberts stared after Luke, keeping a careful and serious eye on what the bully was doing. He didn’t relax until Luke had disappeared around a corner.
“You guys okay?” he asked, dropping into a mildly concerned stance as he turned to look over at us.
“Thanks,” Adam said with a warm smile. “Yeah, we’re okay. He hadn’t been here long.”
“Good,” he said, returning the smile. “I’ll let you be, then.”
“Thanks, uh...” I said, holding out my hand tentatively. I was trying to work out what to call him. “Roberts” didn’t seem right, especially as that was what Luke had called him.
“Ty,” he said, shaking my hand with a strong grip. “Ty Roberts.”
“Thanks, Ty,” I repeated with a grin.
With that, he was off.
“Who was that?” Randy asked to the general surroundings as he stared after our disappearing rescuer. The crowd around us started to scatter as everyone realised the drama was over.
“Ty Roberts,” Adam replied facetiously. When Randy rounded on him, scowling, Adam added, “He’s the centre-half-forward of the same football team that Ian Ashton plays for on the weekends. He doesn’t play for the school – I don’t really know why.”
“How do you know all that?” Randy asked.
Adam gave a sheepish grin. “Things have been tense at home for a couple of years, so I used to go out on weekends to watch the local football matches whenever I could. It got me out of the house, and it was something my dad actually approved of, though he would’ve preferred me to be playing.”
I saw Liz standing beyond Adam, staring speculatively at the three of us.
Hesitantly, I stepped past Adam and stopped a few feet in front of Liz. At first, I looked her in the eye, but I couldn’t maintain that. Instead, I dropped my eyes down to her feet.
I just stood there struggling to work out if I should let Liz speak first or if I should say something. She got me out of that tight spot by speaking first.
“You hurt me, David,” she said softly. “You tore my heart out when you told me to go.”
She didn’t say it angrily. I looked up, hoping that might be a sign that meant we could rebuild. She had her arms crossed, clearly showing she wasn’t happy with me, but most of that didn’t reach her face. Her expression was one of gentle sadness. It might have been wishful thinking on my part, but it seemed there was a touch of hope in there, too.
“I didn’t mean to,” I said lamely. “Can we accept I made a mistake and just move on?”
She looked away.
“I don’t know,” she said slowly, making me tense up in fear of what might come next.
Turning back to me, she added, “I don’t ever want to go through that again.”
I nodded my head. There was nothing I could do but agree with her.
“I’m not sure I want to give you a second chance,” she continued quietly.
“I know,” I said quietly. “Trev told me.”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “Trevor has been told to mind his own business,” she stated firmly. “He is not to make my decisions for me!”
I started to feel confused. What was she trying to say?
As she began to seem more angry than sad or hurt, she looked past me to Adam.
“What do you think, Adam?” she asked. “He’s hurt you as much as he’s hurt me. Should I give him a second chance?”
I knew her well enough to know that Adam’s answer to that serious question wouldn’t make any real difference in her decision. She would make up her own mind. She was playing some sort of game with me, and I wasn’t sure where that would lead.
“David can be a real arsehole,” Adam said, without any heat, “but he can also change. He’s come around a lot over the last week. I’m giving him another chance, and I think he’ll prove to be a good friend.”
I twisted around and stared at him. While I’d thought we’d been rebuilding our relationship, I hadn’t realised that he thought that way about me. He gave me a faint smile and a nod, and I turned back to Liz, suddenly hopeful.
She glanced at her watch. “We’ll talk more at lunchtime,” she announced. “I’ve only got enough time to go to my locker before we have to get to class.”
I recognised the end of the conversation – she hadn’t really left any room for misunderstanding – but I couldn’t stop myself from asking one more thing.
“Can I sit next to you during our class?”
She had started to move away, but she paused at the question. After a moment, without looking back at me, she jerked her head stiffly up and down. While that wasn’t a gracious welcome, I grabbed hold of it with huge relief. She wasn’t blocking me out of her life.
We all headed towards the school buildings. As we reached them, Randy peeled off with Stu and Kevin, who’d appeared somewhere along the way. I hadn’t noticed when that was, but between Luke, Ty and Liz, I hadn’t been paying a lot of attention to what was going on around me. I was pleased to see that Randy wasn’t being left alone. Stu and Kevin weren’t exactly the best possible bodyguards for my brother, but they were better than leaving him by himself.
Liz disappeared shortly afterwards, heading towards her locker. I wanted to go with her, but I knew that would be pushing my luck. Although Liz had indicated that she was willing to give me another go, I had to be careful not to step over the line. I was very much on probation.
We headed to Adam’s locker first.
“What the fuck has happened here?” Adam asked to no one in particular, as he looked at his locker. It had been freshly painted.
“Someone had written something on it,” a mature voice remarked dryly behind us.
We turned around and saw Mr. Marshpool, known by all the students as Swampy – a name he didn’t seem to mind – standing nearby. Swampy is the school’s main maintenance man. He’s been there for years – he looks to be about seventy, not out – and he’s always around, fixing things. He never has a harsh word for the students, and he always listens respectfully to their comments. He won’t tolerate abuse, though, and he’s been known to physically drag students to the office when he’s caught them vandalising school property.
“When was this?” I asked.
“What did it say?” Adam asked at the same time.
Swampy gave a wide smile that showed all his crooked, nicotine-stained teeth.
“It was late last week, and I can’t tell you what it said,” he replied before leaning forward conspiratorially. “If I told you what was written, I’d be sacked for obscene language.”
Straightening up, he continued with a growl that I was glad was not directed at me. “If I find out who did it, they won’t be sitting down for a week, even if they aren’t expelled.”
He looked at Adam. “I believe this is your locker?”
Adam nodded slowly.
“Well, if you want a locker in a more secure area, just let me know,” Mr. Marshpool offered. “From what was written, I don’t think this will be the last incident of this type.”
“Thanks, sir,” Adam said with obvious heartfelt relief.
Mr. Marshpool stared thoughtfully at Adam. Just as Adam seemed to be getting uncomfortable, the maintenance man smiled and nodded his head.
“Just in case what was implied is true, I think I should let you know I’m happily married. I know I’m good looking,” he said with a completely straight face, “but I’m spoken for.”
Adam looked shocked at that, and I was a bit stunned, too. Swampy is anything but attractive. Gnarled and hunched over, he has more wrinkles than those shirts I’d had to iron the previous week.
Adam recovered first. “She’s one lucky lady, sir,” he said with a smile.
With a grin as an answer, Mr. Marshpool moved along. He must have been hanging around just to speak to Adam.
Adam took a couple of things from his locker, and then we headed to mine. I was uneasy until it came into view and I saw that it was in the same state I’d left it the week before.
With the morning locker ritual out of the way, we were ready to start school.
Our first class was English. Being an exam week, even if they were all internally set exams, our normal schedule had been changed. All morning had been set aside for our English exam. The next day we would have the entire first half of the day for our Maths exam, and then the same for our history exam the following day. The rest of the week we would revert to our normal morning timetable.
Liz was already in the room when we arrived. There was a subdued hush amongst the students. The usual banter was there, but it was being kept low-key. Several students appeared to be doing last minute cramming, something I couldn’t understand. After all, if they didn’t know it by then, trying to memorise it just before the exam wasn’t going to help.
I cautiously took the seat next to Liz. I gave her plenty of time to change her mind, but she just ignored me. Trying to be generous, I thought she was probably concentrating on the upcoming exam and didn’t want to be distracted by saying hello. Regardless, I still felt a wave of despair sweep over me.
Adam took the seat behind Liz, and Gary, who I hadn’t notice following us in, took the seat next to Adam.
It wasn’t long before the bell sounded and Mr. Landsmith walked in, carrying a large bundle of papers.
“Okay, class,” he started, “I’m going to hand out the exams. You are not to open them until I say.”
With that, he proceeded to walk down each row, handing out the exams. Once he’d finished, he went back to the front of the room.
“You have three hours to complete the exam. There will be no talking. If you have a question, raise your arm and I will come to see you.”
After a final glance around the room and a quick check of his watch, he nodded his head.
“You may now open the exam.”
I turned over the first page and started to quickly scan what we would have to do. There were the usual clear-thinking exercises, some book review type questions, and the mini essay that they always make us do. I checked the last one first, as I knew it would take the longest time to complete. It was also worth the most marks. “Comment on the incidence of ignorance and apathy amongst today’s youth.”
I felt a crazy urge to just write, “Don’t know. Don’t care.”, but while that might have been a wonderfully cute response, I knew the markers wouldn’t find it amusing, and it didn’t reflect my views on the subject.
I went back and started on the other items while letting the details of the essay brew in the back of my mind. With my family’s recent encounters with ignorant people, I knew I had something to write about. I just had to be careful I didn’t wander off onto prejudice and intolerance instead of ignorance and apathy.
I finished the other questions and started work on my essay. I decided I would tackle the subject by raising the question of who gets to decide what defines ignorance and apathy. After all, just because I don’t know something, that doesn’t make me ignorant. The essay’s subject implied that there were topics that someone had decided today’s youth should know and be active in. My response was that just because some topics mattered to other people, that didn’t mean they should matter to us.
I was doing a final review of the exam when Mr. Landsmith spoke up.
“Time’s up, everyone. Please bring the exams to the front. You can then leave for lunch.”
I was reasonably pleased with my work. I’ve always considered exams to be an unfair way of judging a person’s competence, as all they measure is ability under a time constraint. We were given no time to research the essay we had to write, and we had to write it without access to references. If they were marking on content, then that was grossly unfair. They always say that they mark on the presentation of the ideas, not the ideas themselves, but you always know that you have a better chance of a good mark if your opinions agree with those of the marker.
There was general silence, broken only by quiet muttering, until we were all outside.
“How do you think you went?” Gary asked me.
I shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I passed, but I’ll just have to wait to see how well I did. What about you?”
Gary looked concerned. “I don’t know. There were just too many things that weren’t cut-and-dried enough for me. I like things that are more concrete than English, which is way too subjective.”
We talked for a couple of minutes longer, with Adam putting in his two cents’ worth of comments as well.
I looked around for Liz and saw her talking to one of her girlfriends. I wanted to go up and interrupt, but I was too uncertain of what my reception would be. Instead, I just made sure I hung around within sight. Liz had said we’d talk at lunchtime, and all I could do was make sure she could find me when she was ready to chat.
She left me waiting for what seemed a long time, though any wait would have felt like an eternity. Adam and Gary tried to talk with me, and I know I responded, but I don’t recall what they said or anything that came out of my mouth. I was operating on automatic. Eventually, Liz wandered in our direction.
“Excuse me, guys,” I said as I started to move towards her. I heard a faint snicker behind me but I ignored it.
There was an awkward silence when we met up. Each of us seemed to be expecting, or wanting, the other to speak first. Before it dragged on for too long, I spoke up.
“Shall we sit down over there?” I asked, pointing in the direction of an empty bench.
“Okay,” she replied in a subdued tone.
Without speaking another word, we headed over and sat down. I took a deep breath and decided to give it a go.
“What do I have to do to fix things?”
She looked at me, and then stared across the school grounds.
“I have to regain my trust in you,” she replied quietly, after thinking carefully for some time. “I don’t know how you can make that happen.”
“Am I allowed to try?” I asked hopefully.
“Would I just be giving you another chance to hurt me?” she asked as she turned back to look at me. Her eyes glistened as she stared openly at me. “I trusted you with my heart. What will you do if I give it to you again?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you this time,” I said sadly. I dropped my gaze, unable to keep eye contact. “From what Adam’s told me, it was a big misunderstanding between us, not something either one of us intended.”
I sensed that she was going to say something, but I jumped in first. I didn’t want any more confusion.
“I’ll admit I was to blame for what happened, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I know,” she whispered, and then fell silent. Despite the silence, I felt a surge of hope. We had made a start that left an opening for us to talk.
We ended up talking all through lunch, slowly and painfully at times, but neither one of us seemed willing to give up. I should have been staying close to Adam and Randy, but Liz was also important to me. I kept half an eye on where they were and what they were doing. I noticed that Michael was with them, as well as Scott and several of Randy’s friends. It looked like the two groups – Randy’s and Adam’s – had merged, at least for the day. There were also a bunch of older students in the vicinity all through lunch. Recognising Ian Ashton as one of those guys, I sent an unspoken thought of thanks to him. I was sure he had been responsible for Ty Roberts’ coming to the rescue that morning. Ian wasn’t taking an active role with Adam, but he was making sure he was around if help was needed.
Surrounding all of them was a swarm of students. They kept appearing and disappearing all through lunch. It was obvious that most, if not all, had just shown up to look at the kid with the pink hair. With the number of clear friends hanging with Randy, the curious just took a look and then left. I didn’t see any signs of taunting or other abuse, but most of my attention was on the girl beside me.
By the time the bell rang for our next class, Liz and I had agreed to keep talking. I wanted to ring her that night but she told me not to. She said she needed time to think, and when she was ready, she’d call me. Otherwise, she’d see me back at school the next day.
It was just as well that my next class didn’t have an exam, as I wasn’t up to doing much concentrating. We were putting the finishing touches on our stools in woodworking class. I took it easy and only did enough work so the teacher would leave me alone. Michael took the bench next to where I was working, but he didn’t say anything. I think he was waiting for me to speak first. Just before the end of the class, he finally spoke.
“Stick, I should warn you about some rumours I’ve heard,” he said quietly. The noise in the room ensured that no one would be able to overhear us.
“What rumours?”
“Luke Williams is out to get you and your brother in a big way,” he said, catching my eye to make sure I knew how serious he was. “He’s been heard talking about breaking all your bones.”
I looked down at my woodworking piece, but didn’t really see it.
“He made some threats this morning,” I remarked before looking back up. “Do you know if he’s said anything since, or if this is just a repeat of that incident?”
He frowned slightly as he considered that.
“What did he say?” he eventually asked me.
I gave him a summary of the morning’s encounter, and tried to remember Luke’s exact words. I know I didn’t get them quite right, but it was enough to make it clear to both Michael and me that the rumours might be just a rehash of that incident. However, they could’ve been from comments he’d made later, as well. With the rumour mill being what it was, it was hard to tell.
I thanked Michael for the information and made a mental note to pass on the warning to Randy. There was probably nothing in it, but it pays to be cautious.
My history lesson passed in a blur. There was going to be an exam later in the week, but I knew I would be able to get the notes from Adam, so I just sat and thought of other things. I mustn’t have been too obvious, as the teacher never bothered me the whole time.
I pulled myself together at the end of that class. In some ways, home time was one of the more dangerous periods for Adam and Randy. That was when their friends couldn’t be with them all the time, so I knew I would have to be more alert, just in case.
“How’s your day gone?” I asked Adam as we headed to our lockers for the last time that day. Gary was with us, but from the way his head kept twisting around I suspected he was looking more for Mary than for any potential trouble.
“Not too bad,” Adam replied with a mild grin. “It seems to come in waves, and this morning’s events must have made some people stop and think.”
“I wonder how Randy’s day has been,” I said.
“He was fine at lunchtime,” Gary replied. “Some of his friends are really cool. I think we should hang out together more often. His mate Kevin is amazing,” Gary continued with a touch of awe. “The stories he told us of things from World War II were incredible! He made it sound a lot more interesting than any of the teachers have ever managed to do.”
“Well, that’s because he only tells the interesting things,” Adam replied with a smile as we stopped at my locker. “The teachers have to pass on the boring stuff, too.”
“It would help if they’d tell us some of the good stuff,” Gary retorted. “I think their job is really to put us all to sleep, rather than to teach us anything.”
After unloading my bag of all the things I didn’t need and making sure I had my Maths textbook for study that night, I closed my locker and we continued on.
“Do you think Maria has the hots for Randy?” Gary asked out of the blue.
Adam and I both stumbled at the sudden change of topic. With a sideways glance at Gary, we continued walking.
“What makes you think that?” I asked.
“I didn’t,” Gary replied. “Mary made a comment to me after lunch. It was a little cryptic, but I believe that she thinks Maria wants Randy.”
A slow grin spread across Adam’s face.
“That’d be one way to prove he’s not gay,” he remarked. “Any ideas on what to do about it?”
“Don’t ask me!” I said in mock horror. “What would I know?”
I left unsaid that my recent track record with Liz was not very good.
Gary chuckled. “I’d leave it with Mary. Matchmaking is not one of my strong suits, either.”
“Okay, Gazza. Your homework is now to get Mary working as a matchmaker. Don’t stuff it up. We want at least a passing grade, here,” I said with a laugh.
We all knew we weren’t serious, at least not completely. I’d like Randy to get himself a girlfriend, and from what I know of Maria, she’d make him a good one, but you can’t force these things. It either happens or it doesn’t. Interference from the rest of us would likely stuff things up.
We caught up with Randy near the bus stop. His friends were all there, though one of them ran off to his bus as soon as we arrived. I noticed Ian Ashton and his girlfriend nearby. Michael was also hovering around, but he moved off after giving us a wave.
I watched Maria closely for the short time we had before we had to get on our bus. I didn’t see anything out of place, so if Mary had picked up on something it was probably something that only a girl would spot.
The students on the bus seemed to have moved on from the subject of Adam and Randy. Apart from one older girl who turned up her nose as she passed us, and a number of stares at Randy’s hair, we were all either ignored or greeted, as was normal.
Because of the previous Friday’s attack, we were all nervous when we got off the bus. Mum had earlier suggested she pick us up from the bus stop, but we had vetoed that. The last thing teenagers want is to be picked up by their mum – it would look too much like we were scared to walk home on our own.
As it turned out, we got home without incident.
With a Maths exam hanging over our heads first thing the next morning, Adam and I immediately hit the books. Randy also had some work to do, so we were all industriously studying when Mum came in.
“How did the day go?” she asked.
It was clear that she wasn’t just asking it as she normally did. This time, if we didn’t give a full and frank update, it would be time for a detailed interrogation.
All three of us teenagers exchanged glances. I was wondering whether or not to mention the incident with Luke Williams that morning, when Adam started up. I suppose he was still new enough to the family that he didn’t want to get into trouble for withholding information.
“Apart from a minor problem with Luke Williams before school, it was pretty quiet. I think all the older kids were busy with their exams and couldn’t be bothered with me,” he said before turning to Randy. “Did you cop any real abuse today?”
“Nope,” my brother replied nonchalantly. “It went pretty smooth.”
“What was that about Luke Williams?” Mum asked, her tone threatening dire consequences to someone. I hoped it wasn’t directed at us, but I knew that if she thought we were holding out on her, then we’d feel some of the backlash.
“He confronted us before school started, and made a comment about my hair,” Randy said, running a hand through his pink locks with a gesture that I thought he must have been practising. He must have done that a lot that day, to show that he wasn’t self-conscious about the colour.
“Luke wasn’t happy about the police becoming involved,” Adam added, not mentioning the threats. I interpreted the sideways glance he gave me as he was leaving it up to me whether or not to say anything. With a reassuring smile to my mum, he added, “Nothing came of it, because a football player friend of Ian Ashton intervened.”
Mum looked concerned at the summary. I thought she’d better get the full story. I knew that if Randy got hurt because I held back Luke’s threats, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.
“Luke Williams was threatening Randy for going to the police,” I said. “I don’t know how serious he was, as Ty Roberts stepped in at that point and made Luke leave.”
“Actually, Luke was threatening you, not me, when Ty stepped in,” Randy pointed out.
My brother needs to learn when to shut up. Up until then, Mum had only Adam and Randy to be concerned about. She didn’t need to start worrying about me, especially as I’m not the real target for Luke.
It was thirty minutes before we could get back to our study. Mum extracted out every detail of what had happened that morning. We learnt from her that as soon as the police had reasonable evidence that Luke was involved in the previous attack, the school would suspend him. If he was found guilty, he’d be expelled.
Until then, the school had agreed to keep her informed of any incidents, no matter how minor, and would also assign an extra teacher to watch over things on the school grounds during lunchtime.
I had to put up with Mum telling me to be careful. I felt like telling her that I’m sixteen and don’t need to be treated like a baby, but that would have only inflamed her more. She wasn’t angry with any of us; she told us she was just scared that one of her three boys would get hurt. I noticed Adam stiffen in surprise, and then blush, when she made that statement. I think it was sinking in that she really does consider him to be part of the family. I felt guilty at that, as I seemed to be the only one who was still having trouble thinking of Adam as a family member. A friend and guest, yes. My brother? Not yet.
At dinner that night, after the events of the day were recapped again, Dad changed the subject and gave us some more homework. I started to bristle, until he told us what it was. On Sunday morning he’d made us, individually, write up what had happened at the basketball game. His new assignment, for after dinner and before Scott and Chris showed up, was to practise running through our stories. We would need to be clear and unemotional when we presented to the tribunal the following night. Dad had already contacted Brendan and his dad. Chris and Mr. Ricardo were also planning on being there. Dad said that we might not all be called in, but it was better to have too many witnesses than not enough.
By the time Scott joined us in the lounge room, we were all slightly depressed. As we went through our stories, it became clear why Lawrence had thought Randy was going to hit him. It was going to be tough to prove that Randy had been heading to Adam, and not the ref, when he had charged onto the court.
Scott’s arrival shook us out of that mood. After talking about the tribunal for a few minutes, we changed the topic. Scott and Adam sat together on the sofa and Randy and I slouched in the chairs. I could hear Chris and Dad talking in the study. I guessed that they were talking about the tribunal, and what to do about the charge against Randy.
We spent twenty minutes chatting on typical teen things. The mood had lightened considerably when the phone rang.
With a quickly-yelled, “I’ll get it!” I went into the hallway and picked up the handset, hoping it would be Liz. While I hadn’t mentioned her all night to any of the others, the possibility of her ringing had been at the back of my mind the whole time.
“Hello… David Johnson,” I said as I walked back to the lounge room. If it was Liz, I’d go to my room to talk in private.
There was no response for about a second, and then I heard the ‘engaged’ signal. After looking at the phone for a moment, I shrugged my shoulders.
“Who was it?” Adam asked.
“Don’t know,” I answered, dismissing it from my mind. “Whoever it was, they hung up almost immediately.”
“I’ve heard about that,” Scott remarked. “Some of the tele-marketing companies have automated dialers, but if none of their people are free, the machine just hangs up.”
“Pity,” Randy remarked with a smirk. “Dad loves talking to those sorts of people. He has fun being perverse with them. Like, if they ask his name, he tells them that they rang him, so they should know it. He always tells us afterwards that he shouldn’t be like that, as they are just trying to earn some money, but he can’t help himself.”
The phone rang again. As I was still holding the handset, I hit the button to accept the call.
“Hello… Johnson residence.”
There was a pause. I thought I had another wrong call, or machine, when the other person spoke.
“Randy?” he said hesitantly.
“Just a moment,” I said, and held out the phone to my brother. “It’s for you.”
Randy took the phone and lazed back into his chair. “Randy,” he said.
He stiffened and sat upright. A flash of anger appeared on his face.
“No, Adam is not my boyfriend. How many times do I have to tell you people!”
Adam, Scott and I all straightened at that. I started to get to my feet, but then Randy relaxed.
“Sorry, but I’m a little sensitive about that. I’ve been dealing with too many idiots recently,” he remarked into the handset, as he waved a hand to indicate that we should all relax.
While Randy listened to whoever was on the phone, I slouched back into my chair. Adam settled down, too, while Scott leant against his boyfriend’s shoulder. Adam quickly moved that arm so it could drape around the back of Scott’s neck.
Suddenly Randy stiffened again. That time his expression showed panic. As he glanced wildly around, his mouth opened and closed several times. He took the phone away from his ear and looked at the handset in disbelief, then returned it to his ear.
“No, no,” he said quickly. “You just surprised me, that’s all.”
He paused and bit his lower lip. He didn’t see the rest of us anymore – he was staring out into space. I was perched on the edge of my seat, trying to guess in what direction the conversation was going. He didn’t look frightened or angry, but whatever had been said had startled my brother.
“Yeah, I’d like to do that, Tony, but I have to be up front with you. The rumours are wrong. I’m not gay.”
He took the handset from his ear and looked at it oddly.
“He hung up,” he remarked, puzzled about something.
“What was all that about?” I asked quickly.
Randy came slowly back to our planet. He looked around at each of us, as if he was trying to work that out for himself.
“Some guy from school named Tony just asked me out on a date,” he replied, shaking his head in a confused manner.
We all just stared at Randy.
Who was Tony, and why was he asking Randy out on a date? My mind had stopped working; I couldn’t understand what was going on.
“Sorry, mate, but I think that’s my fault,” Adam said apologetically from where he was nestled with Scott. “When I started telling people at school that you aren’t my boyfriend, I thought they would realise you aren’t gay. It just never occurred to me that someone would think that it meant you’re available.”
“Who’s Tony?” I asked, perplexed, before anyone could say anything.
Randy shrugged. “No ideas. I know a couple of Tonys at school, but I didn’t recognise the voice. He might not be in my year, anyway.”
He sat thoughtfully for a moment before adding, “I hope he rings back. I’d like to get to know him.”
“WHAT!” I yelled. “You can’t be serious! What if he makes a move on you?”
My brother scowled at me. He leaned forward and looked me straight in the eye.
“Don’t tell me what I can or can’t do, David,” he said, quietly but firmly. “If he’s gay, he’s probably all alone. Even if I can’t be his boyfriend, I can still be a friend that he can be open with. Why don’t you try talking to Ads and Break to find out what it’s like to be hiding something from everyone and not being able to say anything?”
I rocked back in my seat. Randy’s words didn’t intimidate me, but they certainly made me start thinking. I still hadn’t sat down to talk one-on-one with Adam, but I had had a good, if short, chat with Scott on the night I found out he’s gay. I also recalled my thoughts from the morning.
“Sorry,” I said, hanging my head to stare at the carpet. “You’re right.” Looking back up, I added, “Just be careful. He might assume more that you want him to.”
A muffled grunt made me glance across to the other two. Scott was smiling faintly, but Adam didn’t appear very happy with me. He wasn’t quite scowling, but he wasn’t far off it. I realised I’d done it again.
“Sorry, Adam, Scott,” I said. “I was stereotyping again. I’ve been trying not to, but sometimes I just react.”
Adam just looked away in disgust.
“That’s okay, Stick,” Scott replied. “I understand. You’re still adjusting.”
I gave him a faint smile of thanks. For some reason, Scott seemed to be more forgiving than Adam. That’s partly because of the difference in their personalities, but I suspected that it was also due to the difference in what they’d gone through. Adam had been hit head-on with abuse due to assumptions people make about homosexuals, while Scott had seen it but not experienced it.
Adam turned back to me.
“David, you need to talk less and think more,” he said, still showing disgust.
“Actually, I think Stick’s right,” Scott interjected. “At least to a degree.”
He was suddenly the centre of attention. Even Adam shifted around so he could look at his boyfriend. Scott looked uncomfortable, but still continued.
“Just because the guy is gay doesn’t mean he can be trusted. Stick’s right as far as that is concerned. The guy might take Giant’s friendship to mean more than that. Giant needs to be careful around the guy. Tony might be the gay equivalent of Sean McInnes.”
I was grateful of the support, but disturbed at the comparison he made. Sean McInnes was a student who’d ended up in juvenile detention the year before on sexual assault charges. He thought he was God’s gift to women, and while, according to the rumour mill, he was quite successful, he made the mistake of not understanding that “No” meant “No”. The girl got away before he went too far, but it seemed that he thought that if a girl went out with him, she would have sex with him.
“He might not be, and probably isn’t,” Adam said, though in a thoughtful manner, “but I see your point.”
I bristled a little at the implication that if Scott said it, it was reasonable, and if I said it, I was talking through my arse, but I had to admit that Break had said it a lot better than I had.
“While we’re on the subject,” Scott said to Adam, “what are you going to say when it’s your turn?”
Adam looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“This was only the first one,” Scott said reasonably. “Think about it. If you’re a gay kid at school, and you find out that there are a couple of other gay guys, and then learn that they are not a couple, what are you going to do? Most will probably be too scared to do anything, but some will take the chance and try to contact one or both of those guys with either a view of just being friends, or trying for boyfriends.
“There’s about five hundred kids at school. If ten percent are gay, that’s fifty kids. Half will be lesbian, so that means around twenty-five gay guys who would’ve heard the rumours.
“Tony was just the first, and obviously doesn’t have much taste,” he added with a cheeky grin at my brother. “After all, he asked Randy out and not Adam, who’s the much better catch.”
“Hey! That’s not fair!” Randy pouted, playing up to the line he’d been given. “I’m a good catch!”
“Yeah,” I put in. “Randy’s a lot better looking than Adam.”
Scott grinned at me. “Sorry, Stick, but unless there’s something you haven’t been telling us, you’re not qualified to say who’s better looking to a gay guy,” he teased.
He silenced me with that one. Even Randy waved a hand to concede the point. I could’ve argued that even though I’m not gay, I can still tell who’s attractive or not, but I knew Scott meant it as a joke. I was surprised he was relaxed enough to do that. It looked like he felt safe in our home.
Scott turned back to Adam and eyed him speculatively.
“So, what are you going to do when someone rings up and asks you out on a date?” he asked.
As if on cue, the phone rang. We all looked at it for a moment, before Randy picked it up and answered it.
“Randy Johnson,” he said tentatively.
He then relaxed back into his chair.
“Hi, Tony,” he said cheerfully.
He listened for a while, with a smile playing across his face.
“Don’t worry, Tony,” he eventually said. “I won’t tell anyone at school, but I still would like to meet you. Why don’t you come out to our place at some stage? Everyone here is cool with Adam, so they’ll be cool with you, too.”
Randy suddenly looked panicky.
“Uh… sorry, but Adam isn’t here at the moment,” he lied. “Why don’t you trying ringing Wednesday after school and you can ask him then?”
He then gave an inaudible sigh of relief.
“There’s a basketball tribunal we all have to go to tomorrow night, that’s why. Things will be hectic here.”
After a short pause he added, “Yeah, same to you. Stay in touch!”
With that, Randy put the phone down.
He looked over at Adam and gave a sheepish grin. “He asked me if I thought you’d like to go out with him. I thought you’d like a bit of time to think of an answer, so I lied,” Randy said. “I hope you didn’t mind.”
Adam gave a fake frown. “So, I’m the second choice, am I?” he asked, before continuing more seriously. “Thanks, Giant. I really need to work out an answer to that, don’t I?” he asked rhetorically, looking at his boyfriend. “I don’t want to hurt him. We both know what he’s going through, don’t we, Break?”
“Yeah, we do,” Scott replied, subdued. It was as if they’d forgotten that Randy and I were in the room. “But I’m not sharing!” he added forcefully.
Smiling, Adam leant forward and kissed Scott lightly on the lips. “I’m not sharing, either,” he said softly before being silenced by a return kiss from his boyfriend.
“Eww... gross! Boy germs!” Randy exclaimed.
Adam and Scott jumped slightly as they suddenly realised where they were. Randy started chuckling and they both started blushing. I couldn’t help smiling, but I refrained from actually laughing at them. I’d been caught like that a few times with Liz, so I knew what it felt like. I’d felt uncomfortable seeing the two kissing, but it hadn’t been as bad as I’d expected. I knew it was a simple sign of affection, rather than a kiss of passion.
We continued the discussion after that, but didn’t really get anywhere. Both Adam and Scott were firm that they wanted to help other gay guys, but didn’t want to lead them on. Adam very tentatively suggested that he tell any gay guy who might ask that he’s already seeing someone, but he said he realised that that may mean Scott’s secret would be revealed. I was surprised that Scott, while seeming nervous, didn’t object. He said that if he had to come out to more people, other gay guys would be an easy group to do so to.
After talking that subject into the ground, we started talking about the basketball tribunal that was coming up the following night. That wasn’t productive, either, but I became aware, again, of how much anger Randy still had bottled up.
He made a couple of comments that I jumped onto quickly. It seemed that things hadn’t been quite as smooth that day as he’d lead our parents to believe. Some of his classmates who hadn’t said or done anything earlier had spent the day snickering at him. He’d also heard a couple of older students make a few suggestive comments. It was mainly low-key stuff, and that was why he hadn’t said anything earlier.
I was going to gripe at him, but Adam beat me to it. In retrospect, I was happy about that. Randy was taking advice and comments from Adam more readily than he was from me. After promising Adam that he would pass on any future comments, at least to Adam and me, he fell back to insisting that it had been no big deal.
Chris joined us after that. He had been in the study with Dad, discussing the tribunal. They both thought that one of the key things would be Brendan and his dad showing up to testify on Randy’s behalf. Brendan’s being from the opposition team should have a big impact on the tribunal members.
Soon afterwards, Chris and Scott went home and the rest of us went to bed.
I woke up early the next morning. I wouldn’t call it a nightmare, but having a dream about trigonometry functions coming to life and chasing you around in circles has to come close. I took that as an omen – the test that day was not going to be fun. Not that I really needed a dream to tell me that; mathematics has always been a struggle for me.
Deciding to do some last minute revision before the alarm went off, I sat down at my desk and reviewed, again, the formulas that I would have to know for the exam. I had been having a tendency to mix up sines and cosines and I wanted to try to drill the difference into my brain.
As the sound of music filled the room, I closed my textbook with a sigh of relief. I got up, walked over, and switched off the alarm. After stretching to relieve the muscles that had gotten stiff while I was bent over my mathematics book, I headed off for a shower. I didn’t know if that last bit of review was going to help, but I couldn’t see how it would hurt.
The rest of the morning went according to routine. There was a light drizzle as we walked down to the bus stop. Despite our jackets, we ended up lightly soaked. It wasn’t enough to require us to get changed; just enough to dampen our spirits. To me, it felt like the universe was no fonder of Maths exams than I was, and was doing its bit to put everyone into an appropriate frame of mind.
When the bus arrived, the driver’s greeting surprised me.
“Ah! Good to see you, boys. Things were too quiet, yesterday,” he remarked with a grin as we started to board.
Adam and I looked at each other, puzzled by the comment.
“Sorry about that. I promise it won’t happen again,” Randy said sheepishly from behind us.
“That’s okay,” the driver replied cheerfully. “Nice hair, by the way.”
When we turned to stare at my brother, he scowled back. “Hurry up, it’s wet out here!”
Adam and I started down the aisle, but both of us threw glances back at Randy as we went. What had happened, and when? It had to have been the previous week, while Adam and I were suspended, but Randy hadn’t mentioned anything. Of course, he had been in such a sour mood on both of those days that it wouldn’t have taken much to set him off. Whatever it was, the driver seemed to have found it amusing.
With only a handful of other students on the bus, we had plenty of seats to choose from. I glanced down the length of the bus to where two of Randy’s classmates were seated. I might have been mistaken, but I thought they looked terrified, and they seemed to be trying to avoid looking in our direction.
“Here,” I muttered to Adam, well before we reached the younger students. Intuition told me that it wouldn’t be good to let Randy too close to them. As I moved across to the window, Adam dropped into the seat next to me.
“Hi, guys!” Randy called out cheerfully. If I hadn’t been listening for it, I might not have noticed the touch of steel behind those simple words.
“Umm... hi, Giant,” one of them called back hesitantly. A quick look showed clearly false smiles painted on their faces.
Randy chuckled quietly to himself, as he dropped into the seat opposite us.
I leant over Adam to try to catch my brother’s eye. “Okay, Giant,” I whispered across the aisle. “What happened?”
He tried to return my gaze innocently, but he couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.
“Nothing,” he lied.
His tone indicated we weren’t going to get anything out of him. I wondered if the bus driver would tell me, if I asked, but I decided that maybe I didn’t really want to know. It couldn’t have been too serious, if the adult found it amusing, but Mum would kill me if she found out I knew something and didn’t tell her.
I settled back into my seat and paused for a moment before asking Adam how he felt about that morning’s exam. It wasn’t a typical conversation for the bus, but I was feeling desperate enough to want some extra reassurance, or help, prior to sitting down to a Maths test.
That trip had to be the oddest I’d ever had on the bus. Randy made a point of saying hello to almost everyone who boarded. Most gave indifferent replies; a few gave nervous ones. Only three people glared at him; the same people I remember from the first trip after Adam came out. Randy just smiled back. Rick dropped into the seat next to Randy without any hesitation and engaged him in a conversation, as if nothing else was happening around him.
Adam was ignored – it was Randy that had the focus. There wasn’t a single person that didn’t look in his direction when they came on board. He seemed unperturbed by it. I wondered if it was just the pink hair, which was fading but still quite noticeable, or if it was because of something he had done the week before. I felt curiosity warring with caution. Should I ask Rick what was going on, and would I receive a straight answer if I did?
I still hadn’t made up my mind by the time we arrived at the school, and then I had other things to keep my mind occupied: Liz was waiting for me.
I approached cautiously, not sure of the reception I’d be getting. Unlike the day before, this time her attention was fixed on me.
“Hi, Liz,” I said quietly, trying to keep my tone neutral.
“Hi, Stick,” she responded in a similar manner.
An awkward silence followed. Only two weeks prior, we would have been chatting happily about all sorts of inconsequential things. None of those topics seemed appropriate anymore.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Randy and Adam heading in the direction of their lockers. I was torn on whether or not to follow them, ready to help out if they needed it, or stay with Liz.
“Can we follow the other guys?” I asked lamely. I’m sure I could have said that more gracefully, but the words just weren’t flowing.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise, before glancing over her shoulder to where Randy and Adam were going. Turning back to me, she gave me a flash of her old smile.
“Sure, Stick.”
We started walking after the other guys, who’d been joined by Mary and Gary. I started to stride out to try to catch up, but when Liz didn’t follow suit I dropped back to join her. I glanced back at her as she caught up to me and found her nodding to someone ahead of us. Quickly looking in that direction, I saw Mary turning her back on us. Mary and Liz hadn’t had a lot to do with each other previously, as Mary and Gary had only been going out for a few weeks, but it seems they have been talking since then.
One face I wasn’t happy to see was Nick Tremen’s. I don’t know if the others saw him, but after they passed, he stepped out of an alcove and glared at them. His face was contorted with fury, and his hands kept clenching into fists and then relaxing again.
Making an instant decision, and wondering if I was doing the right thing, I left Liz and stepped up behind him.
“Why don’t you tell us what the problem is?” I asked politely.
He spun around in surprise. For a moment, I thought he was going to hit me, but his arms quickly dropped back down by his side.
“If you need to be told, it’s too late for you,” he snarled, before shoving past me, deliberately knocking me with his shoulder. “Enjoy your brother while you still have him,” he threw back as he headed off.
I shivered at the malice in that last statement. By the time I thought to chase after him and ask him what he meant, he’d disappeared.
“Stick, what did he mean?” Liz asked from just behind me.
“I don’t know, Liz. I just don’t know.”
I turned to her and found my concern mirrored in her eyes.
“Should we say anything to Randy?” I asked. “Or should we just tell the office?”
She frowned as she tried to work out an answer.
“We have to tell the school staff. I promised Mum,” I added, trying to be more decisive. “That was definitely a threat.”
“Let’s go while it’s still fresh in our minds,” Liz said firmly, having made up her mind. Grabbing me by the hand, she started to drag me towards the office.
With my longer legs, I was walking next to her almost immediately, and I expected her to let go. For a few strides, I thought she wouldn’t, but then she just relaxed her hand and I allowed mine to slip out. I made a conscious effort to not turn and look at her at that point. The momentary handholding had sent a complex surge of emotions through me, and I didn’t want to ruin the feeling by finding out what expression she had on her face.
Checking my watch, I realised we didn’t have a lot of time before we were supposed to be in class. Luck was with us, though, as Ms. Ng was in the outer office when we got there, talking to one of the office workers.
“Excuse me, Ms. Ng, but we just heard something that we thought you should know about, straight away,” I said, taking the lead.
She turned at my voice, looking ready to berate whoever it was who’d interrupted, but that expression disappeared quickly when she recognised me.
“You’d better come to my office, then, Mr. Johnson,” she sighed. After a thoughtful look at Liz, she added, “Miss Richardson?”
Liz nodded, and the three of us headed down the now-familiar corridor. It felt strange that after never having been down there for my first few years at the school, that hallway seemed like a regular haunt for me. I was impressed by Ms. Ng’s recognition of Liz. She visits the classes regularly, but I hadn’t expected her to know Liz’s name.
“All right, Mr. Johnson, Miss Richardson, what is this about?” the vice principal asked once we were all seated.
“A student said something that sounded like a threat against my brother,” I said, before relating Nick’s comment.
After Liz gave her version, adding a couple of things that I’d forgotten to say, Ms. Ng sat back in her chair and stared at a picture on her wall for a few seconds. I followed her gaze and saw a print of The Last Supper. I wondered if she was considering something in the print, or if it was just a place to rest her eyes while she thought.
As the bell sounded to indicate the start of school, she jerked her attention back to us.
“Thank you for the information,” she said, as she started to scribble something onto a piece of paper on her desk. “We’ll keep an eye on the situation and work out what to do.”
Standing up, she held out two late passes to us. We clambered to our feet and accepted them as she continued.
“These will stop you from getting into trouble, but you had better get moving. You both have exams starting in a few minutes. In the meantime, thanks again for coming forward.”
Sensing we were dismissed, Liz and I headed to the door. As we left the room, I heard Ms. Ng pick up her phone and dial a number.
Liz and I quickly made our way to our lockers and then on to our separate classes. Mr. Irving started to scold me for being late, but fell silent when he saw who’d signed my late pass. He gave me a strange look; understandable, as it must be a rare thing for the vice principal to sign a late pass.
After looking around, I took one of the few empty seats. I was mildly surprised to find that all the seats near Adam were taken. It was clear that most, if not all, of his immediate classmates didn’t have an issue with his being gay. It was the students in other years that seemed to be the main source of concern.
“Now that Mr. Johnson has deigned to join us, we can begin,” Mr. Irving declared, staring pointedly at me as he spoke. “You will have three hours to complete your test. There will be no talking. If you have a question, raise your hand and I will come to see you,” he continued, gazing indiscriminately around the room.
With that, all the nerves and worries that had been pushed aside by my concerns for Randy came flooding back. I had wanted to do some final studying beforehand, but that option had been taken away from me.
I turned over the paper and looked at the first question.
“Using a unit circle, show the relationship between the trigonometric functions of sine, cosine and tangent and a right-angle triangle.”
They had kindly provided three circles for me to destroy, so I started searching through my memory for what to do. I knew the basics, but I had trouble remembering which way around everything was. All I could do was hope I got it right in the end.
The wave of relief that swept over me when Mr. Irving announced the end of the test was for an ordeal ended, not for a challenge overcome. I thought I had done well enough to pass, but there were too many questions where I wasn’t confident of my answers.
As was normal after a major test, all the students were reasonably subdued until we’d exited building. Adam, Scott and I left as a group.
“So...” Peter drawled, startling me as I hadn’t realised he had followed us out, “why were you late?”
Shifting mental gears took me a couple of seconds, as I was still in exam mode and didn’t understand what he was talking about.
“Uh... I had a message I had to give the VP,” I replied, adlibbing quickly. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. The general student community frowns on dobbers. Under the circumstances I thought I’d get away with it, as there seemed to be a genuine sense of sympathy for Randy, but I wasn’t sure and I didn’t see how telling anyone would help.
“And?”
“And what?” I asked back, stalling for time by playing dumb.
“And what was the message?” Peter asked, looking a little exasperated with my reluctance to say anything.
“It was about the attack on Randy, and I’d prefer not to say anything more as the police are still investigating,” I responded, as inspiration struck me on how to get out of that.
“Fair enough,” Peter said, nodding his head. “I hope the cops get the evidence they need quickly. Luke Williams deserves anything that happens to him for that!”
“How do you think you went on the exam?” I asked, partially to try to double-check my answers, and partially to force a change of topic.
Peter shrugged and gave a small smile. “Pretty well, I think.”
“I got confused on question five,” I admitted. “How were we supposed to do that?”
With that, we started reviewing the exam. I found out I’d completely messed up a number of questions, as Peter explained the correct solutions, but it seemed I had a few others right – at least as far as Peter was concerned. Either that, or we had both made the same mistakes. Adam and Scott threw in a few comments, but largely let Peter and me dominate the conversation.
His curiosity satisfied, Peter left us soon afterwards.
“Okay, David,” Adam said sternly. “What’s the real reason you were late? And don’t give us some bullshit story about having to tell the VP something!”
I looked around. There were no other students within easy earshot. Momentarily, I thought of refusing to tell him, but the matter was too serious for that.
“I spoke to Nick Tremen this morning,” I said, lowering my voice. Adam and Scott took a half step closer so they could hear me. “He made what sounded like a threat against Randy, so I went and told Ms. Ng.”
“Shit, David,” Adam said, suddenly concerned. “What did he say?”
“He told me to enjoy my brother while I still have him.”
That simple statement silenced the other two guys. There was a long pause while they tried to make sense of it.
“It could be that he expects him to get AIDS and die,” Scott remarked thoughtfully. “It may not be a threat; just a warning.”
I shook my head. “I know you want to see things in the best light, Break, but you didn’t hear the hatred in his voice.”
“We only have your word for that,” Adam said, bristling slightly as he defended his boyfriend’s opinion.
“Liz heard it, too,” I added quietly, looking at him squarely, willing him to understand and believe me.
Something got through to him, as his eyes went wide before flicking across to Scott.
“Hi, guys!”
We turned as one to see Gary and Mary approaching, hand-in-hand. Both looked cheerful, which implied that they were fully recovered from their exam ordeal, as I couldn’t see how anyone could be happy if they were still thinking about what they’d gone through.
“I don’t want everyone to know,” I whispered quickly to Scott and Adam, before facing our other friends.
I didn’t have time to explain, so I just hoped that Scott and Adam would keep quiet. They needed to know, just in case they were threatened next, but I didn’t see how the information would make any difference to anyone else. They’d all been warned about Nick and my earlier suspicions; telling others would only risk giving me a reputation.
The conversation shifted to safer topics after that. When I spotted Liz, I dropped out and headed over to see her. I asked her how her exam went, and we discussed it for a few minutes before I switched to the subject of Nick Tremen.
“I’ve told Adam and Scott, but I don’t think we should tell anyone else the details, or we’ll get reps for being dobbers,” I explained.
She frowned slightly as she nodded her head. “What about Randy?”
“He knows about Nick, though I don’t think he knows what he looks like. I don’t see how saying anything would help. He should already be on his guard.”
After a couple of seconds thought, she shook her head.
“No, David, I think you’re wrong. We need to tell people what Nick said. We just don’t tell them we told the VP,” she said, staring across the grounds to where our friends were standing.
“Why?” I asked, looking for her reasoning, rather than objecting.
“A lot of people are already up in arms about the first attack on Giant,” she said. “Rumours of another threat against him will make them keep an eye out. The more people who are looking out for him, the better.”
I slowly nodded my head. Even if it backfired and I was accused of running to the teachers telling tales, my brother’s safety was more important.
“You’re right,” I conceded.
When she looked at me, I gave her a soft smile and added, “I’ve missed your advice on things like this.”
She flicked me a smile that I reflected back to her. I couldn’t help it – it had been too long since I’d seen her do that.
We headed over to join the others. Michael had appeared at some stage, though I hadn’t seen him approach. Once we were all together, Liz and I told everyone about Nick’s comments.
The reactions were of anger.
Gary had to be restrained from heading off looking for Nick. Michael wasn’t much better, but his was more a cold rage. He mentioned, again, that he’d seen Nick talking to Luke Williams the previous week, and wondered out loud if there may have been a connection with the attack on Randy.
Scott pointed out that we might all have been misinterpreting what had been said, and repeated his earlier comment. Liz agreed with me about the malice with which the statement had been made, but did say that maybe Nick just liked the idea of gays dying from AIDS. However, she did reiterate her earlier statement to me, and said that we needed to let people know so they could be on the lookout for Randy, just in case.
Soon afterwards, Randy and his friends joined us.
Randy’s reaction to the news irritated me. Despite everything that’s happened to him, he still had a feeling of invulnerability.
“Doesn’t sound like much,” he commented. “Let’s not go overboard. This is not a soap opera; kids don’t go around knocking off other kids just because they don’t like them. Unless he’s wacko, this guy is not going to do anything stupid. He may make threats, but he’s not going to do anything.”
“And if he is wacko?” Gary asked.
Randy shrugged. “The odds are against it. Why worry about something that’s unlikely to happen?”
I was ready to step in and try to shake some sense into him, but someone beat me to it.
Maria stepped forward and slapped Randy across the face.
Putting his hand to his cheek, he just stared at her in surprise.
“Don’t be an idiot, Giant,” she growled at him. “Yeah, he may not try to kill you, but that doesn’t mean he won’t hurt you. How about thinking of someone other than yourself, for a change? Do you think we like seeing you being abused and hurt? Give us a break and try taking this seriously!”
Randy’s other friends all made noises of support for Maria. He glanced over them in amazement. As they all stared back at him defiantly, he dropped his eyes and started to blush.
“Okay,” he said, shamefaced.
With that out of the way, the rest of lunch went quickly. Gary and Mary disappeared partway through, after making a comment about spreading the news. Mary gave Liz a hug and whispered something to her before they left. I looked at Liz with a raised eyebrow, but I wasn’t confident enough to ask her what that was about when she just gave me an innocent stare in return.
The rest of the day was too busy to leave much time to worry. We had a practical test in our Computer Studies class that afternoon, but it was a straight continuation of what we’d been doing the previous weeks. It was also not going to be a major part of our overall class mark, so it didn’t produce the same level of stress as our other exams that week.
Unlike the week before, Media Studies was almost a joy. That subject was being marked mainly on papers we’d had to submit, rather than a written test, so it was just a normal class. Liz and I hadn’t resumed our normal level of banter, but the communication we didhave was a vast improvement over the painful silence I’d felt when we weren’t talking.
The school rumour mill was working well. By the end of school, I’d overheard several rumours about threats to Randy. Most of them named Luke, rather than Nick, but they almost all expressed disgust at the idea of anyone attacking my brother. Liz was right in that respect – my brother was attracting a lot of sympathy for what he was going through. A reasonable number of people seemed indifferent to the whole business, but few said anything that even implied that he deserved whatever happened to him.
While we waited for the bus, Randy was more contrite than he’d been previously. Maria’s comments at lunchtime must have sunk in; he was being very cautious with all his friends, as if he was trying to avoid offending them. He even went as far as going up to Mark and Luke, his classmates from the bus, and apologising. I was shamelessly eavesdropping, hoping to hear what he was apologising for, but no details were mentioned.
That night, after we had explained the events of the day, Mum made a point of thanking me for going to the vice principal. She wasn’t happy at the threat, naturally, but she was pleased with how we all handled it. Randy was careful to avoid mentioning that he’d initially made light of the matter, and Adam and I let it slide. The important thing was that he was taking it seriously, not when he started doing so.
Adam and I managed to get some study done for the next day’s history exam, but our preparations were cut short when Dad announced it was almost time for us to go to the main basketball stadium in Lilydale for Randy’s tribunal hearing. Mum made all us get changed into better clothes before she let us go out. It wasn’t a major thing, but she felt that a neat appearance would make a better impact than a scruffy one.
We made the trip to Lilydale in silence. Randy was getting tense, as were the rest of us. Matters at school faded into the background of our minds as my brother’s basketball future was in the balance.
When we entered the stadium, Dad took us over to the tables near the canteen, overlooking the basketball courts below. Neil was already there, sitting at a table in the corner. He glanced up at us, nodded his head once, and then returned his attention to the book he was reading.
We sat down at a table about twenty feet from Neil.
“Now, boys, remember to keep your cool. Getting emotional isn’t going to help. Just tell the truth, and don’t try to hedge. If they think you’re lying, it’s going to hurt Randy’s chances,” Dad said, his concern showing by the nervous way he kept glancing around.
“You’ve told us that, already,” Randy replied with a roll of his eyes. He was trying to be nonchalant, but was betrayed by the white-knuckled, clenched fist on the table in front of him.
Dad gave him a tentative grin but didn’t say anything more.
“Here comes trouble,” Adam muttered to the rest of us.
Following his gaze, we saw Lawrence strolling in, chatting to another referee, who was in uniform. She gave him a quick kiss before she headed off to the refs’ room. Lawrence was grinning like a fool as he watched her leave. The smile transformed into a scowl when he turned around and saw all of us staring at him.
After a quick look around, he headed to the table in the corner where Neil was reading. With nothing better to do until we were called in, I kept watching. I was surprised when seconds after Lawrence sat down, Neil closed his book and stood up. Moving to another empty table, he sat down and opened his book and resumed reading.
Lawrence’s face was a picture of confusion. He just stared after his fellow referee. It was obvious he didn’t understand what had just happened.
“That could be really good news,” Dad stated quietly. He had also observed the incident.
“What do you think it means?” I asked.
“What are you two talking about?” Randy asked, irritated.
“Neil’s refusing to sit at the same table as Lawrence,” I explained quickly, before turning back to my dad, who looked cautiously happy.
“I’d say that Neil isn’t going to be giving Lawrence much support tonight,” he said. “How much that helps us will depend on whether or not he goes the other way and offers us support.”
“Why don’t we ask him?” Adam suggested.
Dad shook his head. “We don’t want any accusations of collusion. We have to let Neil give the evidence the way he wants to.”
“Hi, guys!”
With our attention focused on the two referees, we were startled by the voice behind us. Brendan and his dad stood there with smiles on their faces.
“Hi, Brendan,” I said, standing up and extending my hand. Adam and Randy followed suit.
“Thanks for coming, Wayne,” Dad said to Brendan’s dad. “Tony Ricardo can’t make it because of work commitments, so we really appreciate having you here.”
“The least we could do, Kevin,” Mr. Stanlen replied.
“Brendan, this is Adam, and this is my brother, Randy. Guys, this is Brendan,” I said as I realised they probably had never been introduced.
As I grabbed a couple of spare chairs for the newcomers, Dad and Mr. Stanlen pre-empted me by moving to a nearby table.
After we all sat down, there was an awkward silence for a few seconds. I wasn’t sure whether to talk about the tribunal, or if that would sound too mercenary. After all, Brendan was there doing us a favour and I didn’t want to be ungrateful.
Randy spoke first. “Stick told us you might be looking for a new team for next season.”
“Yeah,” Brendan replied with a sigh. “I just don’t think I can tolerate those guys anymore.”
“They weren’t like that the last time we played them,” Adam said, clearly begging for an explanation.
Brendan gave him a wry smile. “Last time, they didn’t know you’re gay.”
After a pause, he added, “They’re a bit bigoted on a few things. I play with a few of them in another competition, which has a team of mainly Aborigines. They’ve made comments about the Abos that I felt were out of line. The things they said to you were just the last straw.”
Adam tensed up slightly and asked, “You don’t have a problem with me?”
Brendan laughed. “Only on the basketball court. You’re too tall!”
That broke the ice and we started gossiping about the various teams we played against. We were still chatting happily when Scott and Chris joined us. After quick introductions, we continued our conversation. Everyone was relaxed and comfortable when Dad approached.
“Time to go, boys.”
I looked up and saw that one of the tribunal members was standing in a doorway nearby.
“Randy, you come with me. The rest of you stay here and wait until you’re called. We may not need all of you, but please be ready. Just remember: tell the truth and don’t get emotional,” Dad instructed.
We all nodded nervously and watched my brother and dad follow the referees into the tribunal room, where the door was then closed behind them.
The easy atmosphere of only a minute before was gone. It was quiet at our table as we sat solemnly, each of us absorbed in his own thoughts.
Fifteen minutes passed before Mr. Stanlen was called as a witness. Having never been to a tribunal before, I had no idea whether that was a short or long time. Ten minutes later, he came out and Brendan was called in. Mr. Stanlen came over and sat down at our table.
“How’s it going?” I asked nervously.
He smiled, but it didn’t look like a confident smile.
“I don’t know. They asked a lot of questions about the whole match, rather than just the one incident. I can only see that as good news for your brother. Lawrence questioned me on the details of when Randy got up off the bench, and I was forced to admit that I was sitting down near the other end of the court. I don’t think that helped.”
He shrugged. “I don’t think it’s going badly for Randy, but I don’t know if it’s going well enough for him,” he said, almost embarrassed at having to admit a lack of certainty.
After a look in the direction of the canteen, he stood up. “I’m going to get a coffee. Would you like anything?” he asked, glancing around the table.
“No, thanks,” I answered. I was too nervous to think about food or drink.
“Thanks, Mr. Stanlen, but I’m fine,” Adam replied, while Scott just shook his head.
“I’ll go with you,” Chris said, rising to his feet.
Before they were back, Brendan came out and Adam was called in.
I wanted to ask Brendan how it went, but I was afraid of the answer. I think he worked out what I wanted from the way I was staring at him.
“I think it’s going fine, Stick,” he said with a quick grin. “There were a lot of questions about Lawrence’s umpiring and his attitude towards Adam. That has to be good news.”
I gave him a weak smile in response. I knew I would stay nervous until Randy came out and said he’d been cleared.
When Mr. Stanlen came back, he put a can of Coke in front of Brendan before sitting down with his coffee. Chris dropped into the chair next to Scott with his drink.
“How did it go?” Mr. Stanlen asked his son.
Brendan shrugged. “I think it went well. At least one of the tribunal members seems really annoyed with Lawrence, and Neil doesn’t seem to be giving him any support at all.”
We all fell silent after that. I just sat there, fidgeting in my seat, as I waited for my turn in front of the tribunal. It seemed to be going well, but would I say something that would sink my brother? All it would take was the wrong word at the wrong time, and he would be banned for years. That was worse than my worries before the Maths exam earlier that day.
Adam came out of the room. I started to get up, ready for my turn, but the person who’d let Adam out just closed the door behind him.
I was stuck there, half out of my chair, wondering what to do. Should I sit down, since they hadn’t called me, or should I get up so I can go straight in when they did?
Deciding to get ready, I finished standing up and pushed the chair back under the table.
“I don’t think you’ll be going in,” Adam said quietly, as he came up to us.
“Why not?” I asked, worried at the change in plans.
Adam gave me a nervous half-smile.
“The chairman asked the other members if they’d heard enough, and they both nodded. Your dad was told that they didn’t need any more witnesses.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?” I asked anxiously.
“It sounds good to me,” Mr. Stanlen said from behind my back. “If they thought he was guilty, they’d have to let all his witnesses have their say, so they couldn’t be accused of preventing evidence from being presented.”
At that moment, the door opened and Randy and Dad came out, followed closely by Lawrence and Neil. Lawrence immediately headed away to the far corner, but Neil followed the other two towards our table.
Dad smiled. “I think it went well. I don’t think we could’ve put forward a better case.”
He turned slightly towards Randy, then appeared startled to find Neil hovering nearby.
“Good luck,” Neil said with a shy smile. Before anyone could say anything, he headed over to another table, sat down and pulled out his book.
“Thanks, Wayne,” Dad said to Mr. Stanlen, extending his hand. “Between you, Brendan and Neil, Lawrence came off looking like an idiot. I don’t think the members of the tribunal were happy about wasting their time on this report.”
“Neil?” I asked in disbelief. I was already puzzled by Neil’s comment, and this just confused me more.
Randy gave a short laugh.
“Yeah! Neil started contradicting Lawrence almost immediately. While he never said Lawrence was ever wrong, he just insisted that he saw nothing of what Lawrence was saying, but agreed with me on almost everything!”
Dad and Randy seemed optimistic, though still a little tense. Until the announcement was made, he wasn’t off.
The door to the tribunal room opened just then, and the man signalled that everyone should go back in.
“That was quick,” Dad remarked as he gathered Randy up with a glance. “Hopefully that means good news.”
I started to follow them, but a frown from the tribunal member stopped me in my tracks. It was clear that I would have to wait until they came out again before I found out the verdict.
Sitting back down, I gazed blankly down at the table. All I could do was wait and worry.
At some point, a cup of coffee appeared in front on me. Looking up, I saw Chris lowering himself into his seat.
“If you’re going to sit there ignoring everyone trying to speak to you, you might as well have something to drink,” he remarked dryly. “You haven’t responded to anyone for the last few minutes.”
“Thanks, Chris,” I said faintly. I looked around. “How long has it been?”
“About ten minutes,” he replied, sounding a little worried. “I don’t know what’s keeping them. All they need to do is to announce the verdict, don’t you think?”
I shrugged. I had no idea on what went on in a tribunal, as I’d never been to one before.
Taking a quick sip of my drink, I started getting more tense, if that was possible. What was keeping them? Dad isn’t the sort to start thumping his fist on the table when he disagrees with something, but if they found Randy guilty, he just might’ve done that. An argument with the tribunal could be what was keeping them, but that thought didn’t feel like good news to me.
“Relax, Stick,” Scott said soothingly. “Everything will work out in the end.”
“Yeah,” I replied despondently, “but if he’s found guilty, that end may be years away.”
The conversation died, again, with that. Everyone was trying to be optimistic, even Brendan and his dad, but the longer that door stayed closed, the worse the tension became. My coffee cooled down, but I barely noticed it as I kept taking sips automatically.
Randy was the first out the door. The angry look on his face told the story of how things had gone. He started to stomp towards us, but we all got up quickly and met him halfway.
“What happened?” I asked, getting in slightly ahead of Scott and Adam.
“Not guilty!” Randy beamed suddenly.
“You little shit!” I said, giving him a light punch to the arm. “From the way you looked, I thought they’d found you guilty.”
He scowled angrily. “Lawrence wants to appeal.”
“He doesn’t have any grounds to do so,” Dad said mildly, as he came up behind Randy. “That’s what kept us so long – the tribunal arguing with Lawrence about the result. They were pretty damning in what they said about him. Either things have changed, or they were really annoyed, because when I was a ref, the tribunal never criticised the ref in front of the players; they would ask the refs to stay behind afterwards to tell them what they thought.”
“They asked them to stay behind, anyway,” Randy said cheerfully. “I’d love to know what they’re saying to them. If they save up their worst stuff for when they have the refs by themselves, they must really be slamming into them!”
“Anyway, I think I can shout everyone something,” Dad announced, rubbing his hands happily. “What does everyone want?”
He took orders from everyone, before glancing over to where Brendan and his dad were getting to their feet.
“You, too,” Dad said. “It’s the least I can do for your help.”
“You don’t have to,” Mr. Stanlen replied.
“I insist.”
“Okay,” Mr. Stanlen replied, returning to his chair. “But I still think we only did what was right.”
Dad took their orders and headed off. While he was gone, the tribunal door opened and the two refs came out. Lawrence glared at us before heading off in the direction of the basketball courts. I guessed he was hoping to get consolation from his girlfriend, or whoever that was he had kissed earlier. Neil, on the other hand, was headed in our direction.
Randy stood up as he approached. Everyone else had gone silent.
“I’m glad it all ended up okay,” Neil said, extending a hand.
My brother reached forward and shook hands. A grin appeared on his face.
“Thanks for your help, Neil,” he said simply.
Neil shrugged. “No big deal. All I did was tell the truth. I wasn’t doing you any favours.”
“Still, I appreciate it.” At Neil’s puzzled look, Randy clarified, “Your honesty, I mean. Lawrence wasn’t happy about that.”
Neil made a face. “I’m going to tell the supervisor that I don’t want to ref with him ever again. From a couple of comments he made, I think the feeling is mutual.”
Clearing his expression, he added, “Good luck. I doubt you’ll be getting him as a ref for any of the finals, so you should do okay.”
With that, he headed off, not waiting for Randy to say anything else.
Randy stared after him for a few moments, before returning to his chair. The conversation picked up, and a blow-by-blow account of the tribunal hearing was in full swing by the time Dad came back with our orders.
A number of us wanted to keep celebrating, but Dad soon reminded us that we had school the next day. Recalling that I had a history exam coming up, and I hadn’t done much effective study for it, I reluctantly agreed.
On that depressing note, we headed home.
The next morning, everyone was in a good mood. The outcome of the tribunal had lifted our spirits. Even Randy showed no signs of the simmering anger that had been making random appearances over the preceding week.
With the rain still falling, Mum gave us a lift down to the bus stop before she continued on to work. The weather was not putting a damper on the high spirits we were all feeling. Even a reminder from Adam about the history exam coming up later that day didn’t faze me.
Randy was quieter on the bus than he had been the previous day. I think Maria’s comments were sinking into that thick skull of his. He still attracted most of the attention, but everything stayed low-key.
“How did it go last night?” Rick asked, as he slipped into the seat next to Randy.
“Not guilty!” Randy said proudly, before scowling. “Lawrence wants to appeal, though.”
When Rick looked concerned, I spoke up.
“Dad doesn’t think Lawrence has grounds to appeal, so Giant should be okay.”
“Well, are you going to give me the details, or do I have to beat them out of you?” Rick asked my brother.
With a smile, Randy started to tell the story of what happened at the tribunal. I was silently thankful for Rick, as he kept Randy occupied for the rest of the trip. Glancing around, I saw a few other students listening to the conversation. As far as I could tell, they were just being curious. None of them showed signs of anything except interest in something unusual.
When we reached school, we found Gary, Mary, Scott and Liz waiting for us. Scott explained that he was there early because Chris had given him a lift in. Randy’s friends, Stu and Kev, joined us soon afterwards. Scott had already filled the others in on the events of the tribunal, so Randy was busy accepting congratulations from everyone. Stu and Kev weren’t happy, though. It seemed that Randy had neglected to inform them about the tribunal. They had previously learnt about the report, from Randy’s teammates, but they hadn’t known the tribunal had been held. After giving my brother a bit of abuse for keeping secrets, they added their congratulations for the successful outcome.
There was still some tension between Liz and me, but it was dissipating the more we spent time together. I saw Fiona scowling at me in the distance, but I didn’t care. I hoped that Liz wouldn’t have a falling out with her girlfriends over me, but I was selfish enough to not care if some of them couldn’t stand me. I had the girl I wanted with me, and I just wanted it to stay that way. She was happy to stand next to me while Randy had the spotlight. We weren’t holding hands, though I was very tempted to reach out, but I was happy to just share some common space.
As we began making the rounds of everyone’s lockers before our classes started, we were laughing at a joke that Gary had just told us – a clean one, for a change – when Scott suddenly stopped dead and just stared ahead. We all fell silent as we followed his gaze to my locker.
I stepped forward and read what was scrawled on the door: “My brother gives great head!”
“Pretty tame stuff,” Randy remarked with a touch of anger.
“But it means that whoever is doing this is starting to target other people,” Liz pointed out, concerned. “What about your friends and classmates, Randy? Will they be next?”
I glanced over at my brother and saw anger and fear fighting for a place on his face. Fear won.
“Surely they wouldn’t target them?” he asked, pleading for an answer he wasn’t going to get.
There was a small well of silence around my locker as everyone just looked at each other. I didn’t know what to say, and it was clear that no one else did.
“Ah, you’ve found it,” a gravelly voice remarked mildly.
I looked around to see Swampy approaching, carrying a small pot of paint.
“I’m sorry about that,” he continued, “but I was busy fixing the other locker first. I thought it had priority.” Fixing an eye on Adam, he added, “I’m moving you to a new locker. I have better things to do with my time than to keep repainting your current one. I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve got it organised.”
He was disgusted, but it wasn’t with Adam.
“Wh... what did they do to my locker?” Adam asked hesitantly.
Swampy looked around. He peered at Liz and Mary before leaning forward to speak softly to Adam.
Adam started to go green as he listened to what the maintenance man was telling him.
Straightening up, Swampy addressed all of us.
“Now, whose locker is this?”
“Mine,” I answered tentatively, wondering what it was that Adam had been told.
“Okay. Get what you need out of it, and I’ll repaint it. If it happens again, I’m moving you to a new locker, too,” he said with a sigh.
Mechanically, I did as I was told. I kept glancing at Adam, as did most of the others, unable to ignore the way he kept swallowing, as if he was trying to stop himself from throwing up. No one said anything, though, until we’d finished at my locker.
As soon as we moved and were out of Swampy’s earshot, Gary was the one to ask the question everyone was thinking.
“What did he say?”
Adam looked extremely uncomfortable. Fixing his eyes straight ahead, he sighed.
“Someone stuck a used condom onto my locker,” he said without expression. He then made a face and continued, “Trust me, you don’t want to know what they wrote.”
Gary and I exchanged puzzled looks, but we both trusted Adam enough not to ask any more questions. None of us are particularly squeamish, but if Adam was sickened by what he was told, then it must have been really revolting.
We headed down to Adam’s locker after that. The paint on it was still wet and Adam had to be careful when he opened it.
“What the fuck?” he exclaimed as soon as he glanced inside.
It was just as well that there was hardly anything in his locker, as there was a fine spray of some lightly-coloured liquid over everything. Looking over his shoulder, I noticed a lot of whatever it was on the back wall of the locker. Adam started to gingerly take things out.
“I’ll get some paper towels from the toilets,” Gary volunteered, and ran off.
“It looks like they sprayed it in through the slits in the door,” I remarked. “What is it, Adam?”
After one sniff, he rocked back in disgust. “Piss.”
“Someone pissed into a jar, or something, and then sprayed it into your locker?” Randy asked in disbelief. “The bastard!”
Adam and I looked at each other. A quick unspoken agreement flashed between us. Randy was going to be getting a new locker, too. Whichever one of us saw Swampy first would mention it. The bastard had indicated that my brother was a target and we wanted that target to be as small as possible.
When Gary came back, everyone was expressing disgust, and thanks that Adam would be shifting lockers. As soon as Gary found out what the liquid was, he was ready to start stomping on heads, but the fact that the perpetrator was completely unknown stopped him.
We were a somber group as we continued the rounds of the lockers. As this was not something we’d done much, we found ourselves running out of time and broke up into small groups just before our classes started, so the others could get to their lockers in time. Adam, Gary and I headed to our history exam, while Scott, Mary and Liz went with Randy and his friends to make sure he got to his class safely. I saw a flash of resentment on his face, but when Mary slipped her arm around his back on one side and Liz did the same on the other, he was quickly disarmed. Walking around the school with a pair of good-looking older girls appeared to do wonders. He quickly gave up the struggle and let a proud grin appear on his face. While Scott carried his bag for him, Randy draped his arms over the two girls’ shoulders.
Gary smiled after them. “It’s lucky that I trust Giant. Otherwise, I’d have to have a few words with him,” he chuckled.
“Yeah,” I said quietly. I knew Liz liked my brother, but at the moment she seemed more comfortable with him than with me. I trusted both of them, but that didn’t stop me from feeling uneasy. After a moment’s thought, I decided I was just being nervous because I’d barely started to get Liz back. There was no way I could be jealous of my brother. Liz was just being helpful.
As we entered the classroom, we noticed that Mrs. Leadbetter was already there, even though there was still a few minutes before the class would begin.
“Put your bags against the wall, please,” she ordered as we entered, pointing to the front of the class where a collection of school bags had already accumulated.
“What about pens?” Gary asked. “Won’t we need them for the exam?”
“I’ll be providing the writing equipment,” she told him, “so just put your bags down and find a seat.”
We were all puzzled by that, but did as we were told.
“She’s paranoid about cheating,” a voice whispered from behind us after we’d sat down.
We turned to find Andrew Driver leaning forward in his seat.
“Apparently, a student once hid notes inside a pen. Now, all she’ll let us have on the desk is the exam and a pen that she provides,” he explained.
“She’s going a bit overboard, isn’t she?” Adam asked.
Andrew shrugged. “It’s her class. She’s allowed to run it any way she wants to, I suppose.”
Adam was right. Those instructions were only the start of the draconian rules our teacher had for the exam. It was as if she’d researched all possible ways for students to cheat and had put procedures in place to counter them.
Despite the overbearing nature of the teacher, I thought I did pretty well on that exam. There was one section that I found interesting, because it wasn’t in our textbook. Rather than a dry recitation of facts and figures, one part of the exam asked for our opinion on whether or not the actions of Governor Bligh that triggered the Rum Rebellion were justified.
The issue had been discussed in our lessons, and for anyone who’d been paying attention there was plenty of material to work with, but I knew it wasn’t a subject mentioned in our reading material. I wondered if that was just a creative way for the teacher to draw out of us what, if anything, we had learnt from class discussions. It wasn’t clear how it would be marked; whether it would be like an English essay and marked mainly on presentation, or whether it would be marked mainly on content. I guessed it was the latter, but I tried to make sure my answer was well constructed.
As we left the room after the exam, we found Swampy waiting patiently outside.
“Ah, there you are,” he said when he saw Adam. Straightening up from where he’d been leaning against the wall, he added, “Come with me. I’ll show you to your new locker.”
Gary and I followed, causing Swampy to stop for a moment and cast a critical eye over the two of us before continuing on his way.
“I’ve picked one that should make anyone pause before they attempt to deface it,” he remarked to Adam as we walked along.
“Where is it?” Adam asked.
Swampy chuckled. “You’ll see.”
As I realised where we were heading, I grinned. If I was right, it would be a brave student who’d attempt any graffiti.
“Here you are,” Swampy announced proudly when he stopped, pointing to a nearby locker.
I was right; Adam had a locker that was within spitting distance of the teachers’ staffroom. With the danger of a teacher appearing at any time, only a lunatic would try anything.
“Swampy,” I said, attracting the attention of the grinning maintenance man, “would it be possible to get a new locker for my brother, as well?”
He frowned at me. “I don’t like making changes during the term. Why does he need a new one?”
“Whoever has been doing this has shown that they’re not just targeting me,” Adam replied. “David’s brother was mentioned in the graffiti on David’s locker. We don’t want him to get any of this.”
Swampy stared intently at first me, then Adam. Pursing his lips, he looked away as he considered the suggestion. Turning back to me, he asked, “Your brother, is his name Randy?”
“Yes.”
He nodded his head. “Consider it done. It may not be until tomorrow, though.”
With that, he waved and headed off.
Adam took the opportunity to dump several items from his bag into his new locker. Since he’d learnt about the first episode of vandalism he’d taken to carrying almost all his gear with him. That morning, he’d cleared the last of the things from his old locker. Even though I stood a couple of feet away, the odour wafting from those items was noticeable. Adam would need to take them home and give them a good airing to let the smell fade. At least he wouldn’t have to carry them for the rest of the day.
“Are things getting better, Ads?” Gary asked quietly as Adam closed up the locker.
I leant forward to make sure I heard the answer. It was a question I’d wanted to ask but was too uncertain of the reception I’d get. Most of the time, Adam and I had been getting along, but I still sometimes put my foot in it if I talked about the “gay issue”.
Adam gave the question serious thought before responding slowly, “I think so, Gazza. I think so.”
His uncertainty was clear, but there was an undercurrent of hope in the way he said it.
As we started to head to where we always have lunch, Gary nodded his head.
“You’ve had your fifteen minutes of fame, and now everyone’s moved on,” he remarked.
“Almost everyone,” Adam replied, “but yeah, that’s the way it seems.”
With the morning’s rain ended, and the occasional ray of sunshine as the cloud cover started to break up, we took up our position near the outside basketball courts. The bench was wet, but a quick wipe with the sleeve of my jumper dried it off enough for us to sit down.
Liz and Mary soon joined Adam, Gary and me. Gary and I both got up at the same time to offer our seats to the girls. Mary gave Gary a quick kiss on the cheek before she sat down, while Liz just smiled softly. I’m sure I had a foolish grin on my face in response, but I couldn’t help it.
Scott trotted up just then, and we all settled into a discussion about the exams we’d just had. From the post-mortem, I was confident that I’d passed, and thought I’d done reasonably well.
Adam filled everyone in on the location of his new locker, and we all agreed that it was as safe a place as the school could manage.
I was looking around, wondering what was keeping my brother and his friends, when we became aware of a commotion in the direction of the sports field. Several guys were running in that direction, and a couple of kids were running away from it. One of guys running away started shouting out to some other students nearby.
“Hey, Paul! Luke Williams is bashing up some kid on the footy oval!”
We all heard that clearly. Still looking around for my missing brother, I added two and two and got a number I didn’t like.
“Randy!” Scott and I said at the same time.
All of us guys started sprinting, and Scott quickly outpaced the rest of us. Joining the general throng heading towards the football field, I was slowed down as bulkier kids kept getting in my way. Scott, on the other hand, used his smaller size and agility to zip through gaps as they appeared. Adam and Gary just barged through, trying not to knock anyone over, but not caring if they did.
When we got to the slope that overlooks the sports field, we saw that Luke Williams was being restrained by a number of older students. I recognised Ty Roberts as one of them. Luke was screaming obscenities. “Poofter”, “faggot” and “cocksucker” were some of the common expletives he was using. Scott had stopped at the top and was just watching. I quickly scanned the area around Luke, looking for his victim. I saw a body lying on the ground and was relieved that whoever it was had black hair, not the pink/blonde I’d been looking for and dreading to find.
As I watched, I saw someone lean over the guy and shake him gently, and realised with horror that Luke must have gone mental – whoever he’d bashed wasn’t moving.
Not knowing if there was anything I could do to help, I started down the slope. At the least, I could run to get a teacher.
It seemed that someone had had that thought before me, as Mr. Presley, the head P.E. teacher, arrived at the same time I did. He gave one glance at where the guys were holding a struggling Luke Williams, before turning his attention to the guy on the ground. Another student was busy on a mobile phone. From what I caught, he was asking for an ambulance and the police to be sent to the school as quickly as possible.
Very gently, the teacher turned the victim over. I gasped as I recognised him, despite the blood covering his face and the bruising that was already beginning to show. It was Nick Tremen.
“Okay, everyone. Move away, please. There is nothing for you to do here,” Mr. Presley commanded, as he began to gently check Nick for injuries. He glanced at the four guys holding Luke down and added, “Keep him there until we get help. He’s done a real number on this guy.”
He glanced around and caught my eye.
“You! Go to the staffroom and tell them I need help, NOW!”
I hesitated for a moment, to see if he had any other instructions, but all he said – with a touch of desperation in his voice – was “GO!”
I started running and Gary, Adam and Scott quickly joined me. We were moving too fast for a conversation, but Scott managed to gasp out a question.
“Who is it?”
“Nick Tremen,” I replied between breaths.
I was puzzled by why Luke had bashed up Nick, especially so badly. From what Michael had told us previously, it seemed that they’d been mates, or at least co-conspirators. My musings were brought to a stop when we arrived at the staffroom.
I quickly explained what Mr. Presley had told me to say. They seemed a little hesitant to get out of their comfy seats on just my word, but when I mentioned Luke Williams and an unconscious kid, they acted quickly. Before I could move, one teacher was ringing the nurse, while another was calling out names to go down to help Mr. Presley.
Effectively dismissed, we all headed outside. We were followed out by a group of five teachers who started running in the direction of the oval.
“What happened?” Adam asked me, as we strolled back to our normal lunchtime place.
I shrugged. “Beats me.”
I was trying to make sense of it, and I’m sure the other guys were as well, but I hadn’t come up with anything to say by the time we got back. Randy and his friends had shown up while we had been away, and were busy talking to Mary and Liz. Michael O’Conner was also there.
We filled them in on what we had seen. Michael was the one who came up with what sounded like the most likely explanation, though it still left a lot of questions unanswered.
“If Nick was the one who put Luke up to the attack on Randy, Luke might’ve blamed Nick for the police being involved. If the wrong thing was said, Luke just might’ve snapped,” he said thoughtfully.
“He certainly looked like he was ready to start breaking bones the other morning,” Randy remarked.
“If that’s the case, then that’s two problems solved at once,” Gary said cheerfully.
“Gary,” Mary said warningly, “a kid was hurt, and hurt real bad. You don’t describe that as a problem being solved.”
Gary cringed. “Sorry, that’s not how I meant it. I just meant that that is two people who didn’t like Adam out of the way. The school has to expel Luke for this!”
Mary gave him a stern glare before responding. “You did mean it that way, and you know it.”
Gary flashed the rest of us a silent plea for help. I was mildly amused at how well Mary had Gary wrapped around her finger. Of course, I knew Liz was able to do the same to me at times, so I stepped in to try to help him.
“Do you guys think Luke or Nick vandalised the lockers?”
The conversation shifted and we started to discuss my question. Gary gave me a look of gratitude, but I’m sure he didn’t realise that Mary gave me a wink and a small grin, as well. I smiled wryly at the thought that we hadn’t fooled her in the slightest, but she’d let us get away with it, anyway.
Everyone quickly agreed that Luke wasn’t the sort to write things on lockers. He would’ve been more likely to make the owner of the locker write it, if he’d ever thought of it. Doing something without his victim seeing it happen was just not his style.
No one knew enough of Nick to say if he was the culprit or not. I thought it was likely, but as Scott pointed out, there were more than two people in the school who’d indicated they weren’t part of the gay fan club.
It wasn’t long before everyone in the schoolyard stopped to watch the arrival of first an ambulance, and shortly afterwards, a police car. Most of the school, including our little group, congregated near the football oval and watched as the police put handcuffs on Luke and took him away, and Nick was loaded into the ambulance.
After that, the crowd dispersed. We all wandered back to our usual spot. With the previous topic dying, we started to talk about what we’d be doing over the Easter break. I saw Liz give me a speculative look when I mentioned that I had no special plans for the long weekend. I wanted to ask her if she wanted to do something, but I wasn’t sure if I should let her be the first to raise the subject.
As the bell rang for the end of lunch and everyone started to scatter, I noticed Adam looking rather tense.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“Have you forgotten what class we have next?”
With everything that had been going on, and the disruption to our normal timetable because of the exams, it took me a moment to realise what he was talking about.
“Oh,” was all I said. The next class was Religious Education with Sister Brenda. The corresponding class the week before had resulted in our being suspended.
“I saw the Sister from Hell earlier today, so it’s pretty definite it’s going to be her, this time,” Adam added as we headed towards the classroom. He sounded depressed.
“I’m not going to start anything, but I’m not going to let her put me down, either,” he added in a firm tone.
We continued on our way in silence. I had no ideas on what was going through Adam’s mind, but I was getting ready for a repeat of the week before. This time, I was planning on watching a bit more carefully what came out of my mouth. I was hoping that wouldn’t be needed, but from what little I knew of Catholics and homosexuality, I expected Sister Brenda to be only a more refined version of Mr. Martin. The twins had given me the impression that homophobia is rampant in the Catholic Church.
We arrived to find most of the class already seated. As one, their eyes all followed Adam as he walked in and sat down. No one said a thing, but an aura from the week before was hanging over the room.
I looked around before I sat down. Being tense was normal for this particular lesson, but it had been raised up a level in intensity. I was pleased to see no one was gloating in anticipation, and a handful even looked concerned, but everyone looked like they were just trying to be spectators, not wanting to get involved.
As the final stragglers came in and sat down, the noise of other students outside the room died away. We could hear the low hum of other classes starting, but everyone in our room was quiet.
Sister Brenda entered the room. The silence intensified with her physical presence.
With scarcely a glance at us, the elderly nun walked over to the teacher’s desk and sat down. She then commenced reading the roll, noting, as normal, each student’s reply of “Present, Sister Brenda.”
I listened carefully for any change when she came to my name and Adam’s, but I couldn't detect anything. That, at least, was different from the week before with Mr. Martin.
When the roll call was completed, she paused and cast her gaze over the class.
“I have been informed of the reprehensible events that occurred in this class last week. Needless to say, I was not impressed by the behaviour that was reported to me. I shouldn’t have to say it, but I will not tolerate a repeat – today, or at any time in the future,” she stated forcefully.
“I was also subjected to a lecture on the importance of tolerance; something I found extremely distasteful,” she continued. “For many years I have taken my instruction from one and only one source.” Lifting up the Bible she always carries around with her, she added, “I take my instruction from this, and I consider it to be the ultimate source for how I should live my life.”
The entire class remained silent as she paused, though almost everyone, including me, flicked glances across at Adam, to see how he was reacting.
“Mr. Johnson, will you please stand up?” Sister Brenda ordered.
I rose slowly to my feet, cringing at what was about to happen. Tongue-lashings from the Sister from Hell have been known to reduce students to quivering wrecks. I steeled myself as I expected the worst.
“I have been informed of your comments of last week. Do you intend to repeat more of the same, today?” she asked me. She raised an eyebrow, seeming to indicate that she would’ve been amazed if I’d answered anything but “no”.
“No, Sister Brenda.”
She nodded. “You may be seated, Mr. Johnson.”
I let out a controlled sigh of relief as I sat back down. I wanted to wipe my brow, but I didn’t want to take the risk of drawing her attention.
She turned to look at Adam. You could hear almost every student take a breath and hold it, as they waited for what was going to happen next.
“Mr. Kennedy, will you please stand up?” Sister Brenda asked.
I don’t know if anyone else picked it up, but the tone she used was different to the one she’d used on me. For me, it had been an order, though phrased as a request. For Adam, while he still didn’t really have a choice, it was more like a suggestion than an instruction.
Adam rose stiffly. His face was set into an expression not often seen in Sister Brenda’s classes: steely determination.
“While the subject of homosexuality is not on the curriculum, it appears that it must be addressed. I have been informed of the Bible quoting spree engaged in by Mr. Martin and Mr. Kennedy. I would like to state that I consider the statement that Jesus made on the subject of homosexuals to be definitive,” she stated firmly to the class, before turning her attention to where Adam was standing. “Do you care to disagree with the word of our Lord, Mr. Kennedy?”
Adam looked confused. Something about what Sister Brenda had said had thrown him.
“Umm... what statement, Sister Brenda?” Adam asked cautiously.
“You do not know it?” the elderly nun asked rhetorically. “I’m very much surprised. I had expected you to have everything on the subject memorised.”
I heard a faint giggle at Adam’s discomfort from someone to my left.
Sister Brenda quickly flicked her eyes across the room.
“Do you wish to say something, Miss Wheelan?” she asked sharply.
“Sorry, Sister Brenda,” Kim Wheelan stammered, clearly not expecting to be caught.
“Then please be quiet until you have something to contribute,” Sister Brenda ordered before turning back to Adam.
“If you are not aware of what our Lord has said on this subject, then I think it is appropriate that you read that statement out to the class. Please come up here to the front, Mr. Kennedy,” she stated firmly, as she picked up her Bible again and rose to her feet.
Adam walked nervously up to join the nun. As he stood there hesitantly, she gestured that he should face the rest of the students. She then handed him her Bible, already opened to whatever page she wanted him to read.
“I want you to read the marked verses. I’m sure you’ll find it amusing that I have used a pink highlighter on them,” she stated dryly.
I had a sudden suspicion that Adam had been set up. Why did she have the section to be read already highlighted? Several other students seemed to have the same idea, as many leant forward in their seats in anticipation of Adam’s humiliation.
Adam looked at the Bible pages for a couple of seconds, and then his jaw dropped open and his head snapped around to stare at the nun.
“If you could please start soon, Mr. Kennedy,” she said politely, if a little sharply. “We have a lot of other things to cover today. I do not wish to spend the entire period waiting for you to learn to read.”
To everyone’s surprise, Adam smiled at the nun before turning back to the class with a broad grin. His whole body seemed to lift as all his nervousness disappeared.
“Mark, Chapter 12, Verses 28 to 31,” he started confidently.
“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, ‘Of all the commandments, which is the most important?’
“ ‘The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.’
“ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’
“ ‘The second is this: Love your neighbour as yourself. There are no commandments greater than these.’ ”
Adam reverently closed the Bible and handed it to Sister Brenda. I might have been mistaken, but I thought he gave her a short bow as he did so.
“Do you wish to disagree with our Lord?” Sister Brenda asked him, as she accepted the Bible’s return.
“No, Sister Brenda,” Adam said happily.
“Then you may resume your seat,” she said. Turning to the class, she swung her steely gaze over all the students.
“Does anyone want to say anything, or can we consider this topic closed?” she asked, clearly not expecting anyone to say anything.
“Sister Brenda, what about the sections of the Bible that say homosexuality is an abomination?” Tristan MacDonald asked politely.
She raised an eyebrow at him, and the rest of the class stared in amazement at his audacity. I was surprised that Tristan was willing to continue something that the sister clearly wanted ended.
“The verses that were read out don’t say anything about that,” he added defensively.
Slowly, the elderly nun nodded her head.
“You are correct; they do not,” she admitted. “I will not make comment on that directly, as different branches of the Christian church have varied opinions on the subject. I will just point out that a person’s actions are between him and God. Our Lord said ‘Judge not, least you be judged.’ He also said ‘Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.’ What I have indicated is how Jesus Christ taught that we should treat each other, regardless of what sins we may or may not have committed. I would expect everyone here to follow those instructions.”
She looked almost apologetically at Tristan as she added, “That is all I am prepared to say on that subject at this point in time. If you feel that is insufficient, I am willing to meet with you privately at a later date to discuss it further, Mr. MacDonald.”
Tristan nodded his head thoughtfully.
“Thank you, Sister Brenda. I will think on what you have said,” he said with careful formality.
I stared at him for a few seconds longer, as I tried to work out what that meant. There had been no hostility in what he’d said, and I hadn’t noticed any hostility from him prior to Sister Brenda’s class. Was he just trying to sort out what he believed, or was he trying to stir the pot against Adam?
“If you would kindly bring your attention back to the front, Mr. Johnson, we can continue with our planned lesson,” Sister Brenda said sharply.
I quickly turned back to the nun. The last thing I wanted was to get into more trouble.
The lesson continued after that, though there was an odd feeling in the room. Somehow, the terror that the Sister from Hell normally instilled in the students seemed muted. It was as if, by indicating her tacit support for Adam, she’d shown that she was human and had a sense of compassion. Everyone was still incredibly formal and polite, but the edge had been taken off it.
Tension returned at the end of the lesson when Sister Brenda asked Adam to stay behind. I paused and let everyone else leave, while I tried to decide if I should ask to stay, too.
“You may stay, if you wish, Mr. Johnson,” Sister Brenda graciously offered, when she noticed me hovering by the door. “Please close the door first, though.”
I closed the door, then walked back to where Adam was sitting, and sat next to him. The nun left her desk and sat down in a chair near us.
“Mr. Kennedy, I’ve asked you to stay because I want to address some of the things that you said to Mr. Martin last week,” Sister Brenda started.
Adam and I both stiffened at that.
“Please relax,” she added quickly. “This is not an attack, but an attempt to provide you with some advice.”
The nun in front of us was not the iron-willed disciplinarian that normally taught us. As if a switch had been thrown, this was a compassionate person, extending an offer of help.
“What do you mean, Sister Brenda?” Adam asked carefully.
“You made two major mistakes last week, and I want to point them out to you. Hopefully, if you are in that situation again, you will perform better,” she replied.
Adam and I exchanged quick glances. Both of us were perplexed by what she was saying.
“Your first mistake was to get into a Bible quoting contest. Please remember what happened to Jesus during his temptations: even the Devil can quote the scriptures when it suits him.”
Adam nodded his head thoughtfully. I could see the point, too. It seemed a bit of a cop-out to me, but I understood what she was saying. The ability to quote sections of the Bible that support your point of view really doesn’t mean a lot.
“The second thing is that in response to the comment about homosexuality being an abomination, you replied by commenting about the subject of adultery,” she continued. “That was a mistake.”
“But he was being hypocritical by only picking part of that chapter and ignoring the rest,” Adam pointed out, though without anger. It was as if he was trying to understand what she was getting at, and wasn’t taking offense.
“You are correct, but don’t you realise that you were conceding that homosexuality is a sin?” Sister Brenda asked politely.
Adam rocked back in his seat as he absorbed what she had just said. My own mind was racing, as I tried to work out what she meant.
“Adultery is listed in the Ten Commandments, while homosexuality is not. Linking the two raises the subject of homosexuality to the same level,” she explained patiently.
“Are you saying that you don’t think it is a sin?” Adam asked, wonder in his tone.
“That is a question you have to answer for yourself,” she replied kindly. “My opinion is not important. If you are to grow up as a Christian young man, you need to be confident of that answer in your heart, in your mind, and in your soul.”
When Adam didn’t respond, she sighed and looked out the nearby window.
“When I was younger, I worked in Belfast during the height of the IRA activities. Two young people there made me realise that those verses I made you read were what I had to base my life on.
“The first was a young woman whom I met in hospital. She had been badly hurt as a result of a bomb blast that destroyed the shop where she worked. The reason the shop was blown up? Because they opened on St. Patrick’s Day.”
She reached into a pocket and brought out a handkerchief. Dabbing at her eyes, she continued.
“The second was a young man whom I met in prison. I spent several days visiting and praying with him. It was only as I was finishing that I learnt why he was there. He had ruthlessly assassinated two people for being suspected informers.”
She sighed and hung her head.
“He said he was a Catholic, but he had no qualms about breaking the commandment, Thou shalt not kill. The people who planted the bomb that injured that young woman also claimed to be Catholics. The other side was just as bad. People claiming to be Protestants would go out at night and kill people.
“That was when I highlighted those verses in my Bible. I read that section daily. I am not able to say who is right and who is wrong, but I can do my best to love all of them as my neighbours.”
She looked up and stared directly into Adam’s eyes.
“His Holiness, the pope, has said that homosexuality is a sin. I will not debate that with you,” she stated firmly. “The Lord Jesus Christ has commanded me to love my neighbours and to not judge. Whether or not the life you live is sinful is something for God to decide when you face Him. Until then, you are my neighbour, and I don’t want you hurt.
“Take care, Adam,” she added, using his given name for the first time. “Love the Lord, and love those around you. That’s all I ask. The rest is up to you. Take my love with you as you go.”
She stood up and walked back to her desk. As Adam and I got to our feet and picked up our bags, she started writing.
“Here are passes that excuse you for being late for your next classes. Don’t abuse them by dawdling along the way,” she stated dryly.
“Thank you, Sister Brenda,” Adam and I chorused. We also gave her nods of thanks. Adam surprisingly had an ally in the elderly nun. It was clear to me, at least, that she wouldn’t tolerate any sort of attacks against him.
When we opened the door, we found her next class lined up quietly and neatly. If that had been any other class, it would’ve been a rowdy mess. Sister Brenda’s control extends beyond her room, however. Even though the class was supposed to have already started, none of the students had been game to open the door and interrupt her chat with us.
“Okay, class. You may now come in,” she commanded from her desk.
The students entered the room in an orderly and quiet way. Not one of them was brave enough to risk the ire of the Sister from Hell.
Adam and I exchanged quiet smiles as we walked along. I had to start thinking of Sister Brenda differently. The title of the Sister from Hell just didn’t fit her, anymore.
“I’d like to keep what she told us quiet,” Adam said, as we walked to our next class.
“Why?”
“It just felt like Sister Brenda was sharing something private. Telling others about it doesn’t feel right, somehow,” he explained. He looked across at me as we continued on our way, pleading without words for me to understand and agree.
I thought about it. During the first part of the conversation, Sister Brenda had been just giving advice, but I knew that wasn’t the part Adam wanted me to be quiet about. I wanted to know more about what Sister Brenda had experienced in Northern Ireland, but I couldn’t see how passing on the story she’d told us would help Adam. As he said, it was a personal bit of her history that she shared with us – actually, with Adam. I was just there because she allowed me to stay. The major bit of help she gave him was at the start of the class. She’d told everyone loudly and clearly how she expected us to treat Adam.
“Okay.”
Adam grinned. “Thanks, David.”
We soon arrived at the computer lab. Everyone fell silent as we entered the room. I saw Scott sitting by two empty workstations, looking worried.
“Sorry for being late, Miss Conlan,” I said, as I handed over the pass from Sister Brenda. Adam followed suit, mumbling his apology.
Our teacher looked unhappy at the interruption to whatever it was she was doing, but her mouth dropped as she read the notes. She snapped her head up and stared at Adam.
“Are you okay, Adam?” she asked quickly. The way she used his first name, instead of his last, showed that she was rattled. “Is there anything wrong?”
“Everything’s fine, Miss,” Adam replied, looking surprised at the teacher’s concern.
Lowering her voice, the teacher leant forward. “If Sister Brenda said something inappropriate, you know you can complain, don’t you?”
That was when her odd behaviour made sense to me. At least one teacher was concerned about what the elderly nun might do or say to Adam.
Adam smiled. “Everything’s fine, Miss,” he repeated. “Really!”
Miss Conlan stared intently into his eyes for a moment before nodding her acceptance.
“In that case, please find a seat. We were just reviewing some solutions to yesterday’s set of problems. You’ll have to pick up, later, what you missed.”
Adam and I took the seats on either side of Scott. As Miss Conlan started pointing at the computer code projected onto the large screen, describing how it worked, I saw Scott nudge Adam.
“What happened?” he whispered to his boyfriend.
“It’s okay. I’ll tell you later,” was the quiet response, before Adam focused his attention on the lesson.
I could tell that Scott wasn’t happy with that answer, but there wasn’t a lot he could do about it. Because Adam had partially turned away so he could watch the teacher, he didn’t notice his boyfriend’s worried expression.
“It really is okay, Scott,” I whispered.
He still looked concerned but he nodded his head, accepting what I was saying.
“I heard she kept him back. What did she say to him?” Scott asked me quietly.
Unfortunately, either Scott was not quiet enough, or his turning away from the teacher to talk to me attracted her attention.
“Mr. Wilson!” she snapped. “Please pay attention. You can gossip with your friends later. You do not do it in my class!”
“Sorry, Miss,” Scott mumbled, as he turned back to the face the front.
I could tell that he wasn’t going to be listening properly to most of the lesson. He clearly had other things on his mind, and even though Adam and I had both told him that everything was okay, he wanted details as soon as he could get them.
By the end of the class, Scott was a bundle of nerves. He barely waited for the end-of-period bell to stop ringing before he grabbed Adam by the arm.
“Okay, what happened?” he demanded.
Adam smiled, seeming to be amused at how distraught his boyfriend had become. While I also found it mildly amusing, I was concerned that Scott might say or do something that would result in his being outed. However, my promise to Adam restricted what I was able to say. I had to wait for Adam’s lead. I noticed that a few other students were hesitating on their way out, as they watched and listened for any interesting gossip.
“Sister Brenda was just giving me some advice on how to handle things if I ever meet another Mr. Martin. That’s all. She was polite and considerate the whole time. There’s nothing to be worried about.”
Adam reached down and picked up his bag before rising to his feet. He was ready to get going, but Scott wasn’t.
“That’s all?”
“Yep,” Adam replied, grinning.
Scott turned to me and asked, without words, for me to confirm that story.
“That’s right, Break. Don’t worry about it.”
Scott didn’t look convinced, but he got up to leave. I suspected he realised that Adam wasn’t going to say anything more in the classroom. Scott would probably try again that night, when he had some private time with his boyfriend. I hoped Adam would share things with him, but I felt myself bound by my agreement – it wasn’t my place to say anything.
As we walked to where the bus would be picking us up, I overheard bits of the conversations around us. Not surprisingly, the major topic was the lunchtime fight.
“I heard that Williams killed the guy.”
“James told me that the guy was sleeping with Williams’ sister. I didn’t even know he had a sister!”
“Mr. Landerfield said that Luke Williams’ll go to prison for what he did.”
“Steve said the guy who got bashed is only a poof.”
That last one surprised and frightened me. With the hatred he’d shown towards Adam, I couldn’t believe that Nick Tremen was gay, but it was the word “only” that hit me the hardest. “Only a poof” was something I could’ve said a few weeks prior. I snapped my head around to try to see who’d said that, but all I saw was the usual throng of students. I couldn’t pick who had said it.
“Ads! What’s this about you being kept behind in class?”
Gary, Mary and Liz intercepted us as we walked along. Gary was the vocal one, but both girls were looking concerned.
“It’s okay, Gazza. Sister Brenda just had some things she wanted to share with me in private, that’s all.”
Gary looked like he was going to ask more questions, but stopped when Mary put her hand on his arm and started to whisper into his ear. He seemed annoyed, but didn’t say anything more.
“Is he really okay?” Liz asked me quietly as she took up position next to me.
I nodded my head. “Yeah, he is. Sister Brenda is on his side.”
I didn’t think I was giving anything out with that statement, as she’d made that position clear during the class.
“Sister Brenda?” Liz remarked in disbelief, though she kept her voice down. Mary was asking Scott something, so I didn’t think the others heard Liz. “The Sister from Hell?”
“I know, but I really think she is on his side,” I replied quietly, giving Liz a gentle smile.
When she returned the smile, hesitant though it was, my heart gave a leap. I felt like I had felt when we’d first started dating and had both been tentative, but I knew we could get past that stage again, if we tried.
As we continued our walk down to the bus stop, Liz slipped her hand into mine. Neither one of us said anything, but it was another step forward in rebuilding our relationship. I didn’t know what brought that on, but I wasn’t going to question it. I was just grateful that she’d hold my hand.
After the awful way the day had started, with two vandalised lockers, it was ending brilliantly. I was waiting for something to go wrong, while hoping that things would keep going the way they were. Adam wasn’t telling anyone about the after-class conversation with Sister Brenda, though he was happy to recant the events from the start of the class, and I was following his lead. He was happy, and it showed. Having the support of an influential teacher had lifted him. The principal and vice principal had both previously indicated they were on Adam’s side, but since they’re members of the school hierarchy, they don’t have much direct contact with the students. Everyone knows and respects – or fears – Sister Brenda, and having her on his side gave a big boost to Adam’s confidence.
Randy, Stu and Kevin were wrestling again when we arrived at the bus stop, but this time several people, and not just their friends, were keeping an eye on their bags. It was all low-key; no one was making a fuss, they were just being cautious. Ian Ashton and Ty Roberts were hovering in the vicinity and their mere presence was providing a sense of safety.
The gossip around us was about the lunchtime fight. Adam, Randy and pink hair were subjects I didn’t hear. While most of the students seemed to have the opinion that Luke didn’t need an excuse for what he did, a number were trying to come up with a reason. There were several who seemed to think Nick was gay, or that he had said something to made Luke think he was gay. The worrying thing was how unconcerned many of them were about that. It was like it was just an intellectual exercise for them.
I was still wondering whether or not to say anything, and to whom, when Mary came over to Liz and me.
“Stick, Gary and I would like you, Ads and Giant to come around to my place for lunch on Sunday.”
I looked at Liz.
“I’ve already said I’m going,” she said, answering my unspoken question.
“We’ll need to check with Mum and Dad,” I said to Mary, “but I can’t see why not. It’s not like we have school on Monday.”
“Good,” she said, smiling, before handing me a piece of paper. “Here’s the address and phone number. Your parents can ring mine if they have any concerns.”
“Thanks, Mary,” I said as I took the paper, glanced at it quickly, and slipped it into a pocket.
I noticed Mary lives in Yarra Glen, which would make it easier. We could all catch the bus into town. If it didn’t go too late, we could catch the bus back, too.
As Mary returned to her boyfriend’s side, I wondered about her. Despite not knowing us well, Mary had, without hesitation, stepped into the crisis that had enveloped my family. She was there, offering support, when Liz had abandoned me in Yarra Glen just after Adam moved in with us. She’d been there calming Randy at our last basketball game. I was mildly ashamed that I hadn’t really noticed her previously. It wasn’t until she and Gary had started dating that we crossed paths.
There was no comparison between her and Liz, but as a worthwhile person to know, Mary was certainly up there near the top of the list. I was looking forward to that lunch.
“How well do you know Mary?” I asked Liz quietly.
“Until recently, not very well,” she admitted, making me feel better. I hadn’t been the only one.
“She’s quite someone,” I remarked. “But then she needs to be, to handle Gary.”
Liz dropped my hand. For a moment I thought I’d offended her, but then she slipped an arm around my waist and leant into me.
“She cares a lot. She doesn’t like people being hurt. Mary’s been really good to me over the last week,” Liz said softly.
The last week. The time over which Liz and I hadn’t been together. I felt a blow hit my heart, but I steeled myself not to show it. Adam had done his bit to get Liz and me back together, but it seemed Mary had also been doing things in the background. I wondered if she and Adam had been talking, but I decided I didn’t need to know.
When it was time to go, I hesitated before letting go of Liz. Steeling myself for rejection, I stretched down and gave her a small, practically chaste kiss on the lips. She didn’t fall into it, like she would’ve done before our fight, but she didn’t pull away. It was enough to make me smile as I boarded the bus.
I dropped into an empty seat near the back of the bus. Randy joined me, while Adam sat down next to an older girl a short distance away. I looked around and noticed that no one seemed to be paying any attention to either Adam or Randy. For the kids on our bus, life was settling back into a normal routine.
“So, did you check out any Tonys, today?” Randy asked quietly.
I started at the sudden question. I’d been in a happy daze since my parting with Liz and hadn’t been paying attention to my brother.
“Well?” he asked.
It took me a moment to realise what he was talking about.
“No. I was too busy with other things. What about you?”
He shrugged. “I know two Tonys in my year, but I don’t think it was either of them that rang the other day. Their voices don’t sound right. I hope Adam can convince him to meet up. I’m dying to find out if he’s someone I know.”
“We’ll know soon enough. Just be patient.”
He made a face. “I don’t like having to wait.”
I looked away before smiling. I’d forgotten about that phone call, but my brother clearly hadn’t. In some ways, I was glad. Most of the signs of frustration and aggression he’d shown at the start of the weekend were completely missing. While a lot of that was probably due to a general decrease in the amount of abuse and comments he was getting, I couldn’t help wondering if some was also due to his being distracted by curiosity over who Tony was. Randy didn’t seem to think of the possibility that the guy may have given a fake name, and I wasn’t going to suggest it to him. As long as he didn’t drop back into that sullen state of his, I was happy to let him continue the way he was.
After we got off the bus, Randy pushed the pace as we walked home. Most of his contribution to the conversation was aimed at encouraging us to move faster. He normally has a relaxed pace, but it was clear to me that he was eager to get home and wait for a phone call from Tony. I found it amusing, but I was relieved that Randy had been upfront with Tony and said he’s not gay. Otherwise, I would’ve been concerned that my brother was following through with his threat to get himself a boyfriend.
Mum was outside when we walked up the driveway. As we approached, she stopped what she was doing and examined us carefully.
“Anything happen today?”
Randy grinned, snapped his heels together and gave an exaggerated salute. “Nothing to report, sir!”
Mum’s mouth twitched into a smile at Randy’s antics. She then turned her attention to Adam.
“A few things happened, but nothing to worry about. I’ll give you and Mr. Castle the story at dinner, okay?”
She nodded thoughtfully. “All right. I’ll be an hour or so, as I need to clean out the paddocks. You boys can go and do your homework in peace.”
With that, she turned her attention back to putting some gear into a wheelbarrow.
“Come on,” Randy insisted, as he headed towards the house, leaving Adam and me behind.
“He’s eager,” Adam remarked. “What’s got into him?”
Reviewing our walk from the bus, I realised Randy hadn’t mentioned Tony.
“He’s waiting for a phone call from Tony. He’s dying to find out who Tony is,” I explained.
Adam seemed startled at the explanation. As we slowly followed Randy, I didn’t interrupt his thoughts.
“Do you think it’s a good idea to try to meet him?” Adam asked me, hesitating with his hand on the door handle.
I turned and faced Adam. I hadn’t forgotten the discussion we’d had when Tony first rang. Randy’s comments at the time, and Scott’s support for my concerns, were still on my mind.
“I’m not happy, but I think it’ll be safe. I still remember Giant’s comments about how Tony will be needing friends,” I replied. After a moment, I gently added, “Randy makes a good friend when someone needs one.”
I wanted to say that I could be a good friend, too, but saying anything about being a friend would’ve sounded hypocritical, considering the way I’d acted on Adam’s first night in our house.
“Yeah, he does,” Adam muttered to himself as he opened the door.
Stepping inside, I saw Randy’s school bag thrown to the side. Sounds from down the hallway indicated he was busy getting changed. Adam and I headed in that direction.
“Do you have any homework to do?” I asked Adam just before we reached my room.
“Not much. We’ve finished our tests for the week, so I’ve only got an essay for English that’s due next week.”
“Same here,” I said. “Good! I could do with a break.”
Adam grinned. “I could do with a Break, too, but he won’t be here until later.”
I gave an exaggerated groan and went into my room. I smiled as I closed the door behind me. Adam’s joking seemed to indicate we were settling back into our old friendship. For some reason, I had the idea in my head that I wouldn’t be able to complete my reconciliation with Liz until I’d also gotten back into Adam’s good books. Liz had never said that, and her actions at the end of school that day had indicated it probably wasn’t the case, but everything had started going wrong when I had lost Adam as a friend, and it didn’t feel like things would be fixed until I got him back.
After quickly getting changed, I went to the kitchen to start my homework. Randy was already there, and he had placed the phone handset in the middle of the table. He’d started on his homework, but he kept glancing at the phone.
Deciding to not say anything, I sat down next to him and started on my essay. Adam joined us and started work, too. There was a quiet tension in the air as we all silently waited for a phone call. I knew it might never come, but I mentally crossed my fingers and hoped that Tony wouldn’t be too scared to call.
We were all working when the phone rang. Before Adam or I could react, Randy leant over and picked it up.
“Randy.”
There was a short pause before he smiled and looked over to Adam.
“Yeah, Tony, he’s here. Nice to hear from you again, too. I’ll put him on.”
With that, he handed to phone over to Adam.
“Hi… Tony?” Adam started hesitantly.
There was a long pause while Adam just listened. I was curious as to what was being said, but I expected Adam to fill us in on any relevant details, so I schooled myself to be patient.
“Tony, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there myself, and I want to help you out as much as I can,” Adam said, obviously trying to be supportive, “but I have to tell you that I’m already seeing someone.”
Randy lifted his hands up and crossed his fingers. I didn’t do the same, but I hoped that Tony wouldn’t hang up.
“No, it’s not Randy,” Adam said with a smile. “My guy’s not out, so you can understand how careful I have to be.”
There was another pause, during which Adam wrinkled his forehead as he concentrated on what he was hearing.
“Don’t go,” he said, suddenly sitting up straight as he appeared concerned. He then relaxed and slouched back into his chair.
“He said he’d like to meet you. Why don’t you come here to the Johnsons’ place sometime over the Easter weekend? Everyone here will be discreet.”
As he listened to the response, Adam smiled gently and started to go red.
“Yeah, that’s the address. Just a second while I check,” Adam said, before lowering the phone and addressing Randy and me. “Any problems with Tony coming up here on Saturday morning?”
“Not that I can see,” I replied as I glanced over at Randy to see if he could think of anything. When he nodded his head, I looked back at Adam and added, “Why doesn’t he stay for lunch?”
Adam lifted the phone back to his ear. “Yep, Saturday morning is fine. You can stay for lunch, too, if you want to.”
Adam smiled. “Yeah, same to you. Look forward to meeting you then.”
With that, he lowered the phone and pushed the button to disconnect.
“He knows where we live?” Randy asked.
“Yeah, he does,” Adam said, frowning slightly. Shaking his head, he added, “Probably not surprising, really. He knows who I’m staying with, and just looked up the address before he rang.”
“So?” Randy asked.
Adam looked puzzled for a moment, before grinning.
“He sounds like a nice guy. He was disappointed that I’m already seeing someone, but I think just speaking to another gay guy was a lift for him.”
“And the reason you started blushing?” Randy prompted.
Adam went red again and looked away. “Do you really want to know?” he asked, not allowing any eye contact.
“I don’t think so,” I jumped in before Randy could say anything. “Shall we just leave that one as something personal?”
Adam flashed me a grin of thanks.
“Not fair!” Randy pouted before smiling. “How am I supposed to learn about these things if you don’t tell me?”
“You could always ask your parents,” Adam suggested.
“Ask them what?”
Adam paused for a moment before asking, “Hasn’t your dad given you that talk?”
It was Randy’s turn to blush as he nodded stiffly.
“And did he talk about gay sex?”
Randy just shook his head. As Adam gave him a wicked grin, Randy threw up his hands. “Okay, you win. I don’t need to know!”
We all laughed, releasing the tension we’d been feeling while waiting for Tony’s phone call. While we relaxed, I reflected on the easy way Adam and Randy had interacted at the end. The two of them had gotten pretty close during the time since Adam had joined our family.
That night, over dinner, Adam filled in my parents on the events of the day. He mentioned the graffiti on the lockers without giving details, apart from it being abusive, and didn’t say anything about what had been sprayed inside. He emphasised that he’d been given a new locker just outside the staffroom.
The fight at lunchtime had both my parents concerned. In response to a look from Dad, Mum told him she’d ring the school the next day for details. I wasn’t sure what it was they were worried about, as Luke wasn’t going to be coming back, but I let it slide. No one else questioned them on it, either.
Adam was grinning as wide as he could while he told everyone about Sister Brenda’s class. There was a noticeable difference in him as he talked about that. The episode had seemed to lift him. It was as though no matter what else happened, he had a very strong, positive memory to support him, and he wasn’t letting it go.
He didn’t say anything about what was said after that class, though. I hoped he would tell Scott when he arrived later that night. Not only did Scott deserve the full story, but if Sister Brenda’s support meant that much to Adam, Scott should share in that, too.
“While I remember, Tony will be coming around on Saturday morning,” Randy remarked after Adam had finished.
“Who’s Tony?” Mum asked.
“A friend from school. He’s one of the guys who didn’t mind when everyone thought I was gay,” Randy explained nonchalantly.
I frowned. Randy was making it sound like Tony was an old friend, when he didn’t even know what he looked like. He also wasn’t mentioning that Tony’s gay. I glanced across at Adam to see what he thought of that. Adam appeared to be uncertain, but he didn’t say anything. If there was one thing that I’d learnt, it was that I shouldn’t out anyone without his permission.
“Okay,” Mum said, clearly dismissing the subject from her mind.
“Mary and Gary have asked the three of us to lunch on Sunday at Mary’s place,” I said, once it was apparent that neither Adam nor Randy was going to say anything more on the subject of Tony.
“If you take a change of clothes, I can drop you off after church,” Dad offered. “Where does she live?”
“In Yarra Glen,” I answered, surprised at the total lack of questioning. Dad had met Mary at some of our basketball games, but my parents usually like to know more about someone we’re going to see. All I could think of was that either Mary must’ve made a strong impression, or Dad just trusted Gary’s judgement in choosing a girlfriend.
“Is Scott going to be there?” Mum asked.
I looked at Adam who shrugged. “Don’t know,” I replied.
“I’ll ask him when he comes around tonight,” Adam promised.
“It’s a long weekend, so you can stay there late if you want to. If you give me enough notice, I should be able to come around to pick you up,” Dad said.
It was a night of surprises. Mum and Dad typically try to make sure they don’t end up running a taxi service for Randy and me. I wondered if it was the addition of Adam, or if there was something going on that I didn’t know about. Either way, I wasn’t going to risk messing up the offer by asking questions.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“On the subject of the long weekend, what are you and Scott planning on getting up to, Adam?” Mum asked.
Adam stiffened and looked startled.
“Uh… we haven’t discussed it,” he said lamely. He looked concerned at the oversight.
“With all the time you two’ve spent together, what have you been discussing, then?” Randy asked sarcastically.
Adam didn’t answer. He just went red and looked down at the table and concentrated on his dinner.
Randy grinned cheekily at Adam, while Mum and Dad just smiled knowingly. I felt sorry for Adam, but I couldn’t keep a grin off my face. Adam’s reaction was amusing, even if the reason was understandable.
“How about you invite him around for dinner tomorrow night?” Mum suggested. “Chris can come, too.”
Adam sighed and looked up. He seemed upset about something.
“Scott and Chris have a family dinner tomorrow night, so they can’t come over,” he said, sounding lost.
My first reaction was that he was just going to miss his boyfriend, but then I realised he’d put a faint emphasis on the word “family”. It wasn’t just being away from Scott for a night that was a downer, but also that Scott still had a family to be with, and Adam was being excluded.
I mustn’t have been the only one who picked up on that, as Mum reached over and patted Adam gently on the hand. No one else made a comment. Dad just looked sad, and Randy shook his head silently.
When Chris and Scott showed up that night, Mum and Dad retired to the study. The rest of us settled into what was becoming a routine: Adam and Scott were draped around each other on the couch in the lounge room, while Randy and I took a couple of chairs and Chris brought in one of the kitchen chairs so he could join us.
It turned out that Scott had also been invited to the lunch at Mary’s on Sunday, and that made Adam happy. Scott mentioned that he was going to pick a bunch of flowers from their garden for Mary’s mum, which made Adam, Randy and me look at each other, alarmed. Our garden doesn’t have a lot in the way of appropriate flowers, being mainly Australian native plants. They look great in their natural state, but are totally unsuitable as cut flowers.
Randy suggested that we take a cake. He then stared at me with a wide-eyed, innocent look.
“Okay,” I sighed.
“What?” Adam asked, flicking a glance between my brother and me.
“Randy wants me to bake a chocolate cake,” I explained, giving my brother a mock glare. “He knows Mum and Dad won’t do it, so one of us has to. If it was for someone we didn’t like, Randy would do the cooking, but since we don’t want to upset them, I’ll do it.”
“Hey!” Randy exclaimed, looking offended. “My cooking isn’t that bad!”
“What colour was that cake you cooked last year?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Black was the ‘in’ colour last year,” he replied sagely.
“Black?” Chris asked.
“As in charcoal black,” I said, grinning. “He put it in the oven, and then went to play games on the computer and forgot about it.”
“What were you doing baking a cake, anyway?” Scott asked.
“It was for the Lilydale show,” Randy replied enthusiastically. “We enter things each year. It’s just a bit of fun and nothing to take seriously. It doesn’t matter if we win or not, we just enjoy getting our entries together and then going around the show to see how well they did.”
I smiled. “Says the person who hasn’t won anything for a long time.”
“Just because you got a third place – once – you think you’re pretty good,” Randy retorted.
“Careful, or I might take back my offer to make a cake.”
“I’ve been to the show a few times, but never considered entering anything,” Adam remarked.
“That’ll change, this year, if Mum and Dad have anything to do with it,” Randy stated. “She goes in the horse competition, Dad puts in some of his photos, and we do either cooking or handicrafts.” He looked over at me. “We’ll need to find last year’s programme so Ads can work out how he’s going to humiliate himself.”
“Isn’t cooking a bit of a girl thing?” Chris asked. “Men don’t cook.”
Randy and I turned to stare sternly at him. We waited a couple of seconds until Chris began to squirm.
“Or a gay thing?” Randy asked rhetorically, which made Chris go red. I think it was Scott I heard chuckling quietly, but I kept my attention on his brother.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Chris protested. “It’s just that cooking is normally done by women…” His voice trailed off as he realised he was just digging himself into a deeper hole.
“I would advise against saying that where either Mum or Dad can hear you. Dad enjoys cooking, and Mum’s view is that if we like to eat, we should learn to cook,” I added.
“We’ve both been cooking things and entering them into the show since we started school,” Randy stated, before turning to me. “Scones.”
I considered it. “He’ll have to lie on the entry form, but I think that’s a good idea.”
“What the hellare you two talking about?” Adam asked.
I looked at him thoughtfully. “Giant’s suggesting you cook some scones for the show. The only problem is, you’ll have to lie on the entry form.”
“Why? What do I have to lie about?”
Randy answered him. “There’s a section for ‘Scones made by a gentleman’ that we used to enter. As long as you’re prepared to lie and say you’re a gentleman, there usually isn’t a lot of competition. We got away with it for years, so you shouldn’t have any problems,” he finished with a grin.
“Ads is a gentleman,” Scott said, before smiling and adding, “Most of the time.”
“If I’m entering scones, so are you,” Adam said firmly, staring at his boyfriend. “I’m not doing it by myself.”
“You know, I’ve just realised something,” Chris remarked before looking at Randy. “You asked me if I thought cooking was a gay thing, didn’t you?” When my brother nodded, Chris continued, “But you didn’t mean it as a homosexual thing. You meant it as an effeminate thing, didn’t you?”
“I don’t think of cooking as being either, but yeah, you’re right.”
Chris stared at Adam. “How many comments do you get that imply that being gay means you’re a girl?”
“Lots,” Adam relied bluntly.
“Is that part of the problem? People mixing up gay as homosexual, and gay as effeminate?”
We all looked at one another. Chris had a valid point. I know that I’ve done that in the past, myself. Strangely, a lot of the other terms that are used, like “poofter”, don’t have that double meaning. But “gay” is the term that the homosexuals seem to prefer for themselves.
“Could be,” Adam shrugged, “but I don’t see what I can do about that. I’m who I am and I can’t change that.”
After that, we talked about some of the things we’d seen and done at the show in previous years. It didn’t seem long before Chris told Scott that they’d soon have to go. Adam and Scott disappeared outside to say goodbye to each other. I excused myself at that point and headed to my room. I had problems with seeing those two guys embracing, but I was beginning to think that was partially because I was missing doing the same with Liz. Each time I saw them, memories of my times with Liz would float across my mind. Two guys kissing looked odd to me, and still made me somewhat uncomfortable, but that wasn’t causing the sadness and regret I felt each time I saw it.
The next morning, I was up early. As it was the last day of school before the Easter break, I didn’t expect it to be a difficult day. Some of the teachers would be giving us coursework to try to keep us busy, but it was unlikely to be too much.
I went through my wallet and worked out that I had enough money to take Liz to the movies, with just enough for a taxi home afterwards. Good Friday would be mainly a family day, and I knew my parents wouldn’t let me stay out late on Easter Monday, so it would have to be either Saturday or Sunday night. I was leaving it late to ask her, but with two days to choose from, I was hopeful Liz would agree to go out with me. It was so much like when we first started dating, but with the advantage of knowing her tastes.
That day, I felt like things were almost back to normal. There were a handful of comments or dirty looks from a few students, but Randy and Adam seemed to breeze through without noticing. At lunchtime, I saw Liz leaving the building with Fiona. I nervously approached them. I hadn’t been so concerned about asking Liz out for a long, long time.
“Hi, Liz, Fee,” I said, as I started walking next to them.
Fiona gave me one hatred-filled look before turning her attention back to Liz.
“As I was saying, Leo and I are going into the city on Saturday. Why don’t you join us? Leo said he could ask his friend Greg to come along, to make up a foursome. Greg’s a really nice guy, you’ll like him.”
“Hi, Stick,” Liz said, before turning back to Fiona. “I’ll think about it, Fee, but I want a word with David, now.”
Fiona sniffed. “If you want to stick with that loser, then I can’t stop you, but you can do a lot better.”
After that, Fiona departed, nose in the air. I hadn’t minded her before, but I was developing an intense dislike for that girl. The only thing I would allow in her defense was that she didn’t like Liz getting hurt. She’d decided I was going to hurt Liz again, and was making her opinion clear. What I didn’t like was how she didn’t want to let Liz make up her own mind.
“Don’t be angry with her, Stick. She’ll come around, eventually.”
I was startled. “Am I being that obvious?”
Liz smiled. “Not really, but I understand both of you. As a favour for me, can you just let her comments slide?”
“Okay,” I sighed.
With the knowledge that Fiona was pressuring Liz to go out on Saturday, I took a deep breath and made my pitch.
“I was wondering if you’d like to go to see a movie with me, on the weekend.”
I waited for her response, feeling hopeful, but my heart started to sink as she looked away and didn’t answer.
“Saturday or Sunday, afternoon or evening, and I’m not fussed about what we watch. You can pick the movie,” I added in a rush. As soon as the words left my mouth, I cringed at how desperate I was sounding.
Liz sighed and looked down at the ground. After the longest couple of seconds I could remember, she looked up. I’d been hoping for a happy face, but she was maintaining a neutral expression.
“Trevor won’t pick us up. He still thinks you’re the scum of the earth,” she stated without inflection.
“That’s okay. I was going to use a taxi to take you home,” I answered.
She seemed surprised at that. After a startled glance, she looked away again.
“That’s a lot of money to spend to see a movie,” she remarked as she looked over the schoolyard.
“I’m not spending it to see a movie,” I said with heartfelt honesty. If we’d only just started going out, I wouldn’t have taken the risk, but I knew she’d take that statement the right way.
After another silence that seemed to stretch for an eternity, she turned back to me and smiled.
“Saturday night sounds good to me. How about we meet at the cinema around sixish so we can decide what to see?”
I grinned foolishly back at her. “Sounds fine to me!”
She slipped her hand into mine and we strolled slowly over to where our friends were sitting.
I decided I didn’t need to know if Liz would be going into town on Saturday with Fiona and Leo. The important thing was that she would be going out with me on Saturday night.
The rest of the school day went quickly. With the four-day Easter weekend starting that night, there was almost a party atmosphere amongst the students. The teachers seemed to understand, and were generally tolerant of the more exuberant displays of high spirits.
Walking home from the bus, we stopped in to see the twins, and Mrs. Ricardo made her usual fuss over Randy and me. She then gave Adam a critical stare. With a sudden move, she reached over and pinched his upper arm. Adam flinched and automatically raised his other hand to rub that spot. He looked more surprised than upset.
“You’re too scrawny, Adam. How are you going to find yourself a boyfriend if you’re that thin?”
With that, she shoved a plate into his hands. I think it was only reflexes that allowed him to grasp it, as he looked shell-shocked.
Before he could do or say anything, Mrs. Ricardo was piling an assorted collection of food onto the plate while giving a constant stream of instructions.
“Now these will help you put on some more muscles. Gay boys like muscles, don’t they? I know the girls do, so it’s a good idea for you to build yourself up. Eat some of these, too; you’re all skin and bones. You’ll want to give your boyfriend something to hold onto. You don’t want to go overboard, but you’re so far from being overweight that you won’t have to worry about that. Just eat them all up, and you’ll have the boys all over you before you know it! Now that reminds me, I’ve being asking the girls at golf if they know anyone who’ll make you a good boyfriend. You deserve a good Italian boy – everyone knows they make the best lovers – so I’ve started asking around. You leave it to me, and I’ll find you someone appropriate before you know it.”
While Adam had met Mrs. Ricardo several times at barbeques after basketball matches, that was the first time he’d experienced her full attention. Randy and I were both so relieved at not being her focus that we couldn’t help him. She’s told me enough times that, while Liz was a lovely person, I really should find myself a loving Italian girlfriend. Randy once tried the cheeky comeback of asking for two girlfriends, and was quickly told that that was too many – he wouldn’t be able to keep both of them happy. So far, she hasn’t suggested anyone, though we don’t know if that’s because she hadn’t been serious when she’d talked about finding someone, or just that she hasn’t met anyone good enough.
Brett, smothering a laugh at Adam’s embarrassment, managed to get Adam away from his mum.
“Mama, we need to go outside. That’s enough food for now; the plate is full. We can always come back and get some more.”
“Okay, but Adam, if you’re hungry, just yell. I’ll have some more out to you before you know it. I don’t want you to faint from starvation.”
Adam seemed glad to get away.
“Is she always like that?” Adam asked as soon as we were out of earshot.
“Always!” Randy and I chorused.
“She’s serious on the boyfriend thing, too,” Brian remarked. “I overheard her talking to one of her golfing friends.”
Adam looked horrified while he shook his head. “Please, no!”
Brett grinned and nodded his head. “Sorry, yes!”
Randy and I exchanged glances. Neither of us had expected that, and I wondered what it would mean for Adam and Scott. Scott didn’t want anyone to know, but maybe there was a way we could let the twins know that Adam was already taken.
“Don’t worry. She’s really fussy about these things, so it’ll probably take her a while to find someone who’s up to her standards. You should have time to grab some camping gear and disappear into the hills,” Brian helpfully suggested, though he spoiled it when he couldn’t help laughing at the end.
“What’s your dad’s reaction to that?” Randy asked.
Brett frowned. “I don’t know. I don’t think he’s happy, but he’s not interfering. He’s keeping his promise about that.”
“Do you think I should find myself a boyfriend before I have one given to me?” Adam asked. I knew he was trying to make it sound like a joke, but we could all hear the underlying worry.
The twins shrugged in unison. “Wouldn’t hurt,” Brett said.
“She won’t be offended?”
“Nah. As long as he comes up to her standards, you’ll be fine,” Brian stated. “Of course, most people don’t come up to Mum’s standards, but… hey, you can’t have everything.”
“Liz doesn’t come up those standards, but she’s still welcome here and Mrs. Ricardo loves her to bits. She keeps trying to give Liz advice on how to fatten Stick up,” Randy told Adam with a chuckle.
“You know, I’ve always had a suspicion that Mike at school is gay,” Brett mused, looking at his brother. “What do you think?”
“Maybe, but how do we find out?” Brian replied. “I was thinking of Colin, myself.”
Adam was beginning to look more and more terrified as he stared at the two guys. I thought it was time to step in.
“Don’t you think you should let Adam pick his own boyfriend?”
The twins gave me innocent-looking gazes, but showed hints of devilry in the twisting of their lips. “Of course! We’re just helping him find candidates.”
Randy burst out laughing.
When he regained his voice, he waved a hand in Adam’s direction. “Sorry, but the look on your face was priceless, Ads.”
While I was tempted to let them continue teasing Adam, I changed the topic by asking for suggestions on what movie I should take Liz to on the weekend. While the twins started going through the options, Adam gave me a thankful glance.
We didn’t stay long with the twins, but it was good to catch up with them again. They mentioned they may drop in over the Easter break, but they had a big family get-together with their relations on Sunday, and would probably be away all of that day.
When we walked in, Mum told us we’d be having a late dinner, as Dad was delayed at work. He had some things that had to be finished before the Easter break, and he was staying behind to get them done.
After getting changed, we went outside and played some basketball for an hour or so, before going back inside and doing our homework.
Dinner was a very relaxed affair. Dad opened a bottle of wine and offered each of us a glass. He was obviously pleased about something at work and was in a mood to celebrate. Our report of a quiet day at school just seemed to top things off.
We were finishing dessert when the door was suddenly flung open and a distressed Scott flew in. Adam leapt to his feet as he saw the emotional state of his boyfriend.
“What is it, Break?” he asked, shocked concern flicking across his face.
Scott collapsed against Adam’s chest, a huge shudder erupting from his body. Adam wrapped his arms around his boyfriend as he gave Randy and me a worried glance, before focusing his attention back on Scott.
Scott’s muffled whisper escaped from where he was pressing his face against Adam.
“They both hate me!”
Lifting his head momentarily to look at Adam, he added desperately, “Just hold me, please?”
The agony in his voice was painful to hear. There was a large red mark on one cheek. Another shudder ran through him while I watched. I could hear him crying, his shoulders shaking as each sob forced its way out.
I just sat there, wondering what had happened. My mind had gone numb with shock.
“Take him into the lounge room, honey,” Mum said quietly to Adam, as she rose out of her chair. “You can look after him in private there.”
Adam nodded and led Scott away. The arm around Scott’s back was more than just comforting; it seemed to be holding him up. I wasn’t sure Scott’s legs could support him.
The door opened again, and we all turned to see an ashen-faced Chris walking slowly into the house.
“What’s going on, Chris?” Mum asked, showing concern.
“Can I have something to drink, please?” Chris responded, ignoring the question as he sank heavily into a seat at the kitchen table. I could see that he was also distressed, though not to the extent that Scott was.
“Tea or coffee?” Mum asked, not pushing her initial question. She headed toward the kitchen.
Chris raised his right hand and held it in front of his face. We all saw it shake, as if he couldn’t control it.
“Could you make it something stronger?” he asked quietly, almost dispassionately, examining the trembling limb as if it was some strange creature that wasn’t part of him.
“Bundy and Coke?” Dad offered.
“That’ll be great. Thanks, Mr. Castle,” Chris said, looking up. His eyes were wide open, and his face looked blank. It seemed that he wasn’t really focusing on what was about him.
Dad caught my eye.
“David, can you please go and get the rum from the drinks cabinet and make him a drink?” he asked me quietly. Pausing, he grimaced at the sight of Chris, who was again staring at his shaking hand. “Make it a strong one,” Dad added.
I was rattled as I poured the Bundaberg Rum into the glass. Whatever was going on, it seemed pretty serious, to disturb Chris that much.
I put the Bundy and Coke in front of Chris and then stepped back to let my parents handle him. They looked like they could deal with whatever was happening.
Chris gulped down half the drink in one shot. He put the glass back down on the table and just stared at the tabletop.
“Can you tell us what happened, Chris?” Mum asked again, keeping her tone gentle.
He looked up at her, a quiver in his lips.
“Scott told our parents tonight,” he said simply. “It didn’t go well.”
My parents exchanged glances before returning their attention to Chris. Dad opened his mouth to say something, but then just shut it and slowly shook his head from side to side. I could appreciate that; I had no idea on how to respond to that statement, either.
Before the silence dragged on too long, Chris focused his gaze on the glass in front of him and started speaking again.
“Dad was a little reserved, but Mum was the real surprise. She slapped Scott across the face and told him that no son of hers could be gay,” he started. With a shake of his head, he added, “Neither Scott nor I had expected that. We thought Dad would be the one with a problem, if either of them had one.”
He picked up the glass and took a small sip that time. He seemed a bit calmer and more animate. I realised he’d been in shock and had been operating on automatic.
“Just in case, Scott had packed a couple of bags, and we’d put them in my car ahead of time. I honestly didn’t expect things to get that bad, but Scott had insisted. I suppose after what Adam went through, he had a right to think the worst.
“When Mum went off and said she couldn’t have a gay son, Scott ran out and jumped in the car. I stood up and gave our parents an ultimatum before following him out and driving him here,” he finished sadly.
“What did you say?” Dad asked carefully.
Chris looked up at him. A shudder went through his body as tears he’d been holding back started to run down his face.
“I made this decision some time ago. I also packed a bag and it’s in my car now.”
The pain in his voice seemed to be coming from deep within him. I sensed he’d been badly hurt by what had happened.
“I told them they can have two sons... or none,” he stated firmly.
Dropping his eyes, he picked up the glass and swallowed the rest of the drink in one gulp.
Putting the empty glass down harder than necessary, he continued in a faint, despairing tone.
“I just pray they make the right choice.”
I stared in amazement at Chris. His love and concern for his brother had out-shone that for his parents. Instead of taking the easy way out, he had stood up for Scott and told his mum and dad that if they rejected Scott, they’d lose him, too.
I don’t know if I could be that strong. I hope I’m never put to the question, as I’d hate to lose anyone in my family. I love my brother, Mum and Dad, and I can’t imagine them not being there.
Chris was breaking down before my eyes, but that didn’t diminish a thing. It’d never been clearer that he was only a few years older than me. The fact that he had a fulltime job and drove a car made him seem more mature, but now he was a quivering teenager, going through something that shouldn’t happen. No one should be asked to make the choice that he made that night.
Mum was already there, pulling him into an embrace, but I stepped forward anyway. I put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, willing him to sense my support for him through that contact. I don’t know if it helped or not, but I felt I had to do it.
As Chris let out the emotions he’d kept bottled up until he could get Scott to our house, Dad touched me on the arm to get my attention.
“David, can you and Randy get their bags from the car? Just bring them in here for the moment. Then get the large air mattress from where the camping gear is stored. We’ll put it in the lounge room,” Dad said softly.
I nodded and headed for the door. Randy joined me and we went outside.
“Wow!” Randy breathed as we walked up the path.
“Yeah, wow!” I agreed. “Chris is one tough guy.”
“Do you think we’ve just got ourselves a pair of brothers?”
I considered that possibility. Our house really couldn’t take another two people for any length of time. Mum and Dad would let them stay as long as they needed, but I couldn’t see them staying permanently.
“I don’t think so. Chris is working, so he might be able to rent somewhere for the two of them. Mum and Dad will let them stay until they get back on their feet, and Break will probably sleep over on a regular basis, but I don’t think they’ll be staying for good.”
Randy nodded as we got to Chris’ car. He reached through the open window and hit the boot release. We headed around the back and retrieved the bags. As Chris had indicated, there were three large bags. Randy picked up two and I lifted the last one.
“I wonder why Dad said to get the large air mattress instead of the two smaller ones,” Randy remarked as we headed back.
Once he’d pointed it out, that did sound strange. Mum and Dad use the large one on the rare times we all go camping together. By the time we entered the house, I still hadn’t worked out a reason for Scott and Chris to use it.
I dropped the bag I was carrying and headed back to get the mattress and the pump to inflate it. When I returned, Chris was standing up with a cup in his hand, sniffling. I smiled wryly as I realised that he’d been given a cup of coffee, Mum’s hot drink therapy. Noticing the bottle of rum was relocated by the kettle, I suspected there was something extra in the cup. Despite that, Chris still looked like a stunned mullet.
“Randy, can you go check on Scott and Adam? Just come back without disturbing them, if you can,” Dad suggested.
“Okay, Dad.”
“Thanks for this, Mr. Castle, Mrs. Johnson,” Chris said. “I thought this was the best place for Scott, but if it’s inconvenient I’ll look for a hotel room for the night.”
“Chris,” Dad gently admonished, “firstly, you can call us Kevin and Yvonne. Secondly, of course you can stay here. You don’t have any choice, now, anyway.”
Chris looked surprised, but before he could say anything, Dad smiled and pointed at the empty glass on the table.
“You’re still a probationary driver, and that means a zero blood-alcohol level. I knew as soon as you had that drink that you were staying the night,” he pointed out, and then smiled.
Chris gave a sheepish grin in response. “Sorry, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll remember that for next time.”
“Next time? You’re planning on doing this again?”
Chris did a double take and then gave a short, sharp bark of laughter. “Sorry. I’m not thinking straight,” he said, before a lost look came over his face. “I don’t ever want to go through this again,” he finished faintly.
Mum stepped up and, putting an arm around his waist, pulled him into a gentle hug. “Shush, dear. I’m sure everything will work out. For now, just relax and try to get some sleep tonight.”
“Thanks,” Chris replied simply, awkwardly returning the hug while trying not to spill his coffee. As he stepped back, he took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. “I’ll just sleep on the couch, if that’s all right,” he offered.
I suddenly knew how I could help out and show my appreciation at the same time. “Why don’t you take my bed? I’ll take the couch,” I suggested. “It’s the least I can do.”
Chris looked at me, surprise on his face.
Before Chris could say anything, Dad jumped in. “There’s no need for that, either of you. Chris is going to use the folding bed in Randy’s room.”
“But where’s Adam going to sleep?” Randy asked as he re-entered the room.
The light dawned and my mouth opened as I stared at my parents. I couldn’t believe they were doing that so calmly. I felt a strange mixture of shock and pride in them as I heard Mum confirm my suspicions.
“Adam and Scott will be sharing the air mattress,” she said simply. “Scott needs Adam to be with him tonight. Anything else would be cruel.”
As Randy blushed and looked away, Dad smiled. “Get your mind out of the gutter, son. They’ll be in the lounge room and won’t have any real privacy. All they’ll be able to get up to is exactly what Scott needs: someone to hold him, and to know he’s loved.”
I wasn’t so sure, but I resolved to stay in my room until well into the morning. I didn’t want to take the chance of seeing something I didn’t want to see.
“Now, can we disturb them and start setting up the room?” Mum asked Randy.
“Yeah, sure,” Randy answered absentmindedly. He seemed a little stunned at the proposed sleeping arrangements.
Mum sent me off to get some sheets and a spare doona for the air mattress, and Chris moved his bag down to Randy’s room. As I carried the bedding into the lounge room, I quickly scanned the room for Adam and Scott. As I’d expected, the two guys were sitting together on the couch. Adam had one arm across Scott’s shoulders and was squeezing gently. Scott was leaning against his boyfriend’s shoulder. He’d stopped crying, but he still looked lost.
As Randy started pumping up the mattress, Scott tried to pull himself together enough to help with the makeshift bed. Mum sternly told him to stay where he was. I noticed that Adam hadn’t let go of Scott the whole time. When Chris came in and offered to help, Mum just gave him a silent stare, eyebrows raised. With a wry smile, Chris surrendered and dropped into one of the chairs. He wasn’t looking much better than his brother.
Randy and I had almost finished setting everything up, making the lounge room quite crowded, when the phone rang. A few seconds later, Dad stepped through the doorway.
“Chris, it’s your dad. He’d like to speak to you,” he announced neutrally, holding out the handset.
Chris’ almost relaxed expression disappeared in an instant. Fear and longing swept across his face as he jerked himself upright. He took one step toward my dad and reached out for the phone, but then stopped and pulled back his arm.
“No,” he said softly, before repeating it more firmly. “No! Not until Scott tells me it’s okay. He has to speak to Scott first!”
Dad gave him a small smile and a nod, before he lifted the handset to his ear.
“Did you hear that?” he said into the mouthpiece.
I looked over at Scott. His lower lip was trembling and his right hand was shaking. Adam had his right arm around Scott’s shoulder, and was holding Scott’s left hand with his. I saw him again squeeze Scott gently.
“Okay,” Dad said before smiling at Scott. “Your dad said he’d like to say they’re sorry and asks if you’ll speak to him.”
Scott’s head jerked up and down. He may not have been terrified, but he didn’t look too far from it. He held out his right hand, but his left was firmly grasping Adam’s and showing no signs of letting go.
After giving him the phone, Dad and Mum started to leave the room. Randy and I were getting ready to follow them when Scott spoke up.
“No, stay,” he said, pleadingly. “I need you all here.”
Mum and Dad exchanged glances before turning back to Scott.
“Sure, hon,” Mum said kindly.
We all watched Scott lift the phone to his ear.
“Hello,” he said hesitantly.
He was sitting stiffly, listening, when he suddenly turned to Adam and smiled.
“I love you, too, Dad,” he said, letting go of Adam’s hand so he could wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall again. The smile didn’t budge, though.
“Hi, Mum,” he said happily, as he reclaimed Adam’s hand. This time he just let the tears run down his cheeks. The red mark from where he’d been slapped was highlighted by the tear tracks running over it.
I was moving to the door before Mum and Dad could indicate it was time to go. Scott didn’t need us there, anymore.
I waited in the kitchen for my parents and brother to join me.
“Well, that was quite an event,” Mum remarked as she headed over to the kettle. “Not something I’d like to go through on a regular basis.”
“So, Dad, does this mean that I’ll be allowed to share the big air mattress with a girlfriend at some stage in the future?” Randy cheekily asked.
Dad frowned at him. “If she’s just lost her family, then yes,” he said quietly. “Otherwise, no.”
Randy cringed. He started looking around the room, trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone. I knew how he felt, from having put my foot in my mouth enough times.
“What do you think will happen with Scott and Chris, Kevin?” Mum asked.
“Well, they’ll definitely be staying here tonight. I don’t think it’ll be a good idea for them to go home, even if their parents come over to pick them up.
“As for the rest of the weekend, I don’t know. It’s a long weekend, so we won’t have to rush anything. It might be good if they stay a couple of nights. That’ll give everyone some breathing space,” he mused.
“We’ll ask them in the morning, but I won’t expect them to go to church with us tomorrow,” Mum remarked absently. “Maybe we should miss it? We’ll be going on Sunday, anyway.”
“Let’s wait until morning. We don’t have to make a decision tonight,” Dad replied.
Turning away from Mum, Dad caught sight of Randy and me listening intently to their conversation. He seemed startled that we were still there. He flicked a quick glance in the direction of the lounge room before bringing his attention back to us.
“Okay, boys. The house will be a little crowded in the morning. Can we rely on you two to make things as easy as possible?”
“Of course, Dad!” I exclaimed, surprised that he’d think we’d do anything else.
“Sure,” Randy replied, then waved a hand, dismissing the matter as unimportant.
Dad smiled self-consciously as he ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, I know I didn’t need to ask. This has all been just a bit of a surprise.”
There was a lull for a few seconds before Mum straightened up and rubbed her hands. “Time to clean up the dinner dishes, as it looks like everyone’s finished. David, Randy, can you please clear the table?”
“Sure, Mum,” we answered in unison, even matching our traditional tone of resignation. Some things don’t change.
While we were cleaning up, Dad wandered down to the lounge room. A few minutes later, he came back with Chris. Dad was talking on the phone. Staring past him, I noticed that the door to the lounge room had been closed.
“Okay, we’ll see you tomorrow around two. We can discuss the rest of the things then. Don’t worry about the boys, we’ll look after them,” Dad said into the phone.
Looking over at Mum, he nodded his head. “Bye, Phil,” he said before switching off the phone.
“They were going to come around tonight, but Chris and I convinced them to wait until tomorrow. I raised the option of Scott and Chris staying a couple of nights, but we’ll talk about that when Phil and Carol get here,” he explained to Mum.
When she glanced past him, he added, “Scott is worn out. He and Adam are settling down for the night.”
“What about you?” she asked Chris. “Do you want to go lie down?”
“I’m still too shaky for that. I’d prefer to stay up, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. No one has to do anything tomorrow, so you can stay up as long as you like.”
Turning an eye onto Randy and me, she added, “You two can stay up as long as Chris does, if you want to.”
My brother and I exchanged surprised glances. “Thanks, Mum,” I said.
We took advantage of that offer. After they assured themselves that Chris was okay, our parents retreated to their bedroom. Chris, Randy and I sat around the kitchen table, drinking soft drinks and coffee, and talking. I offered Chris some more rum, but he declined. He said he didn’t want to get drunk, as he didn’t want to have a hangover when he faced his parents the next day.
Chris told us that Scott had been working himself up all week to come out to their parents. Adam hadn’t pushed him, but Scott knew that Adam really wanted to be able to be open about their relationship.
When asked by Randy, Chris admitted that Scott hadn’t told Adam what he was planning on doing. Scott hadn’t wanted to commit himself, and if he’d told Adam that he was going to tell his parents, he would’ve felt forced to go ahead and do it. By not saying anything, he felt he’d be able to chicken out if he didn’t feel comfortable.
“It’s strange,” Chris mused, almost to himself. “I steered the conversation onto Adam and what he was going through. Both Mum and Dad said how sorry they were for Adam. He’s been around our place so many times over the last couple of years that they both know him well. Mum even made the comment that she didn’t think any kid should go through things like that. That was when Scott felt like it was safe to say something.
“I don’t know what went wrong. One minute, Mum was expressing sympathy for Adam, and the next she slapped Scott and said he couldn’t be gay. Dad just sat there saying something stupid like ‘Are you sure?’ Scott fled at that point. Mum rounded on me and told me I better not be gay, either. That’s when I stood up and gave them my ultimatum.
“I never expected to have to do it. I still don’t know why I had to.”
I could hear the regret and concern in his voice. With a flash of intuition, I guessed he was blaming himself for what had happened.
“Chris,” I started cautiously, waiting until he looked at me before continuing. “It took me a week to come to terms with Adam, and I’m still not totally there. How long did it take you to accept Scott?”
He looked at me wide-eyed for a moment before giving me a wry smile. “A couple of days,” he admitted.
“How long do you think your parents need?”
While Chris thought about that question, Randy spoke up. “It could be months.”
Chris and I both looked at him. I wondered where that idea had come from.
“If Scott had thought to ask for help from Adam and me, we could’ve warned him,” Randy said.
“How did you become an expert on coming out?” I asked sarcastically.
“The Internet,” Randy replied simply. “There’s lots of info available from reputable places. I found one that was written by the father of a gay boy, and what he went through, as well as how others have handled it. He was writing to give advice on how to come out to your parents.”
“And he said it could be months?” Chris asked in disbelief.
Randy nodded. “It’s not the same for parents, apparently. Their attachment to their kids seems to be different to how a brother or sister can feel. For example, one of things he said is that they can feel like they’ve failed as parents. That sort of thing makes it more complicated for them, and it can take longer to come to terms with having a gay son or daughter than having a gay brother or sister.”
We kept on talking until after midnight. Several comments Chris made reinforced my guess that he was blaming himself for something, but he was slowly coming around to realise that he wasn’t at fault.
When Chris seemed unable to control his yawns, we all went to bed. I must’ve been more tired than I realised, as the next thing I saw was daylight starting to appear past the bedroom curtains.
I intended to stay in my room until I was sure that someone else was up. I didn’t expect Scott and Adam to be up to anything, but after finding them kissing that first time I wasn’t going to take any risks. I listened for noises that would indicate others were awake, but it was the smell wafting up from the kitchen that made me leap out of bed.
I should’ve remembered, but the drama of the night before had messed up my thinking. I made myself presentable as quickly as I could, and then raced down the hallway.
“Hot cross buns?” I asked eagerly, as I slid to a stop.
“Of course,” Mum replied with a smile.
Dad was sitting quietly, drinking a cup of coffee, but he grinned at my enthusiasm.
I slipped into an empty seat and waited impatiently for Mum’s homemade hot cross buns to be brought out of the oven. While I sat there, I had a thought.
“Will we have enough?” I asked, concerned because we had an unexpected extra two mouths to feed.
“I have some store-bought buns in the freezer we can use if we run out,” Mum replied. “Don’t worry. You won’t starve.”
Hot cross buns – especially homemade ones – for breakfast are a family tradition on Good Friday. When we were younger they were all bought from the local supermarket or bakery. When I was twelve, though, Mum started making them. She’s only improved with practise and now Randy and I eagerly await Good Friday morning, for fresh buns straight from the oven. I was mildly surprised that Randy wasn’t already here with his mouth open and drool running down his chin.
The reason for his delay became apparent when he showed up a few minutes later, pushing a staggering Chris down the hallway. Chris looked dazed, as if he hadn’t managed to get any sleep. He was dressed in an old pair of tracksuit pants and a plain T-shirt, and his scruffy appearance wouldn’t have looked out of place in a late-night zombie horror movie. While I had to smile at Randy’s constant stream of enthusiastic promises for what would be coming, I was concerned for Chris. Had he not managed to get any rest, or was that the way he normally woke up?
Once Chris was seated and had a fresh cup of coffee in front of him, Dad caught my eye.
“Will you check if Adam and Scott want to join us?” he asked. “Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.”
I froze for a moment, then nodded my head stiffly and rose to my feet, trying to hide my apprehension. I didn’t expect Scott and Adam to be in an inappropriate situation, but I thought that if they were, it would be better for me to discover them than either Randy or my parents. I didn’t want Randy to be exposed to that sort of thing, and Mum and Dad just might go overboard.
I walked down the hallway to the lounge room, hesitated a moment, and then knocked. The door was slightly ajar, but I was sure that it had been shut when I had gone to bed the night before.
After several seconds with no response, I knocked again. When I didn’t hear anything, I nervously eased the door open. If everything was okay, I’d leave quietly, but otherwise I’d have to wake them before anyone else saw them.
Scott was sound asleep, but Adam was awake. The two of them were lying side-by-side on the mattress, with the doona up around their chests. Scott was wearing a T-shirt, but Adam was topless.
Adam met my eyes and raised his left index finger to his lips, asking me to be quiet. His right hand was firmly grasped by his sleeping boyfriend’s hand, on top of the doona.
When Adam tried to ease away, Scott stirred slightly and pulled Adam’s hand closer to him. With a wry smile for me and then a tender one for his boyfriend, Adam gave up and waved for me to go. He wasn’t getting out of bed until Scott woke up.
I closed the door behind me and headed back to the kitchen.
“Scott’s still asleep and Adam doesn’t want to leave him,” I explained when Dad raised an eyebrow to me.
Nodding his head, Dad said, “Okay. Let him sleep as long as he wants.”
I noticed Chris seemed to be a lot more alert than when I’d gone to check on the other two. He must be one of those people who can’t operate until they’ve had a coffee in the morning.
We were halfway through the second tray of buns when Scott and Adam wandered down the hallway and into the kitchen. They were holding hands, and I could see Randy biting his lip to stop himself from making a sarcastic comment. I understood. I felt like saying “How cute!” but resisted. Scott still looked fragile and I didn’t think it would take much to set him off.
While they started to catch up to the rest of us, and Mum brought out some more hot cross buns from the oven, Dad asked who wanted to go to church.
Chris paused in his eating and looked thoughtful. “I’d like to go, if you are.”
“I’m going, but I understand if some people are not up to it,” Dad replied, peering over the table at Scott and Adam. “Yvonne will stay behind with whoever doesn’t go.”
Scott looked relieved. “Thanks, Mr. Castle. I don’t think I’m up to going out, today.”
Adam was wearing a faint frown. He flicked a glance across at Dad before returning his attention to Scott. He then slumped slightly. “I’ll stay behind, too, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course we don’t mind,” Mum replied, as she placed the new batch of buns on the table. “Going to church is something you should want to do, and sometimes other things are more important.”
It was settled. Adam, Scott and Mum would stay behind and the rest of us would go. After finishing up our breakfast, and with a feeling of having eaten too much, we got ready for church.
Chris rode with us in the Land Cruiser. What he was wearing wasn’t what most people would consider to be their Sunday best, but it was presentable, and Mum never said a word about it. She just smiled and said she’d see us when we got back.
The service wasn’t overly long, and it had the usual Easter theme, concentrating on the Crucifixion. I noticed that Chris paid careful attention to several parts of the sermon – sections on the subject of forgiveness – even going as far as nodding his head in agreement, or perhaps to make sure he wouldn’t forget. I wasn’t sure if he was seeking forgiveness for what he thought he’d put his brother through the night before, or if he was looking to forgive his parents. Either way, he seemed to be readying himself for a reconciliation.
After the service a couple of other kids came up to talk to Randy and me, and they asked about Adam. Randy was quick to come up with a story about Adam not having a good night’s sleep and staying home for the day. There was a twinkle in his eye as he looked at me while he said that, and I could tell what was going through his mind. I hoped he was just trying to tease me and that he didn’t honestly believe what he appeared to be thinking.
We left soon afterwards. Chris seemed more relaxed on the drive home, as if he’d settled something during the church service, or made some decision, and was a happier person.
Once home, we found Scott and Adam helping Mum get lunch ready. She’d decided we would have roast lamb. It was already in the oven, and the two guys were cutting up potatoes and pumpkin for roasting.
After the rest of us got changed, Mum dismissed her helpers and told us to relax, as lunch was an hour away.
We retired to the lounge room, where the mattress had been deflated and put in the corner with the sheets and doona. Scott and Adam took the couch, Chris and Randy took the chairs, and I sat on the floor near my brother.
“Bit more room here than last night,” Chris remarked.
“Yeah, we did that after you left. Mrs. Johnson mentioned that we’ll be talking to your parents in here after lunch, and it might be a good idea to tidy the place up,” Adam explained.
As soon has Adam mentioned their parents, Scott and Chris tensed up. With a look of dismay, Adam grabbed Scott’s hand with both of his and squeezed gently.
“Sorry, Break. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he pleaded.
“It’s okay,” Scott replied faintly, giving Adam a weak smile. “They’ve been at the back of my mind all morning, anyway.”
“You know you can stay here until things get sorted out,” Randy said, before glancing over at Chris with his cheeky, innocent smile. “Of course, Chris’ll have to move in with Stick; he can’t stay in my room.”
“Why not?” Chris asked, looking surprised.
“I need my sleep,” Randy replied haughtily. “You snore!”
“I don’t snore!”
“Yes, you do,” Randy replied.
“You do, Chris,” Scott put in, looking better with a grin on his face. “I’ve heard you from my room at our place.” He never let go of Adam’s hand. It was like Adam was an anchor that was keeping him grounded.
They were still bickering good-naturedly when there was a cough from the doorway. We all turned to see who it was.
“Kelly!” Adam said with glee. Letting go of Scott’s hand, he bounded to his feet and raced to give his sister a hug.
“Steady, Adam. You’re going to break my ribs if you squeeze any harder,” she said, chuckling as she returned the hug.
When her brother let go, she grabbed his hands and looked him carefully in the eye.
“You’re looking a lot happier than last time,” she said kindly. “Now, are you going to introduce me to the guy you were holding hands with when I came in?”
There was a stunned silence throughout the room, broken only by a whispered “fuck” from Scott.
While Adam seemed flustered and incapable of speaking, I was sitting on the floor desperately trying to think of something – anything – to say. Chris was the only one to move. Rising to his feet, he stretched out his hand towards Kelly.
“Hi, I’m Chris. You must be Adam’s sister. My brother, Scott,” he said, indicating Break with a tilt of his head, “told me about your last visit here.”
Letting go of Adam, Kelly accepted Chris’ outstretched hand and shook it.
“Scott,” she said thoughtfully. “That sounds familiar.... Does he play basketball with Adam?”
“That’s right,” Chris replied, and smiled as he let go of Kelly’s hand.
While Chris and Kelly were talking, I saw Adam look imploringly at Scott. With a heavy sigh, Scott gave a single nod of his head. He didn’t look happy.
“He’s also my boyfriend,” Adam stated firmly, almost challengingly.
Kelly suddenly grabbed Adam in another hug. “Good on you,” she said quietly.
Adam stood there awkwardly for a second or two before he relaxed into his sister’s hug.
When she let go, she smiled at where Scott was still sitting on the couch. He was wringing his hands.
“Hi, I’m Kelly,” she said cheerfully to him. “If you need any juicy gossip about my brother, just let me know. I’ve got loads of the stuff.”
Scott tried to smile nervously back, but he seemed too concerned. Adam, finally noticing how distressed Scott was becoming, left Kelly and dropped into the seat next to his boyfriend. He reached for his hand, but Scott pulled it away quickly, as if by reflex.
“Break, what’s wrong?” Adam asked, ignoring everyone else in the room.
“I didn’t want anyone else to know,” he replied. He seemed scared, and the quiver in his voice must have been a reflection of tension in his body.
Kelly stepped forward and sank to her knees in front of Scott.
“It’s okay,” she said soothingly. “I’m happy for both of you, and I won’t say anything.”
Scott just shook his downcast head, avoiding eye contact. Adam put his arm across Scott’s shoulders and pulled him gently to his side.
“Scott came out to our parents last night. We spent the night here after Mum blew up,” Chris explained to Kelly.
“What the fuck is wrong with these parents?” Kelly exclaimed angrily as she rose to her feet. “Why can’t they just love their kids and leave it at that?”
Her fists were clenched as she looked down at her brother.
“You look after him, Adam. If you need any help, just let me know,” she said through gritted teeth.
“It’s not that bad,” Chris said as he stepped up and put a hand on Scott’s shoulder. “Mum and Dad rang and apologised soon after we got here, but we decided to stay, anyway. They’re coming around this afternoon so we can all talk.”
Kelly nodded thoughtfully at Chris. “Okay, thanks. I don’t want anyone else to have to go through what Adam’s gone through.
“He didn’t mention a boyfriend last time we spoke, though,” she added archly, staring down at a sheepish Adam.
“I didn’t know Scott was gay, then. We only got together later.”
“Well?” Kelly said sternly, though with a hint of smile on her lips. “Details, Adam, details!”
Adam gave Scott a questioning look. Scott sighed and nodded his head.
When Kelly and Adam started catching up on what they’d been doing, I stood up and headed out. As I’d expected, Randy offered Kelly his chair and then joined me in the hallway.
“Scott was freaking out,” Randy said quietly as we headed towards the kitchen.
“Do you blame him?” I asked. “After what Adam went through and then last night, he’s got a right to be scared.”
“Yeah, but it’s still not nice to watch.”
All I could do was nod my head in agreement.
Randy and I started setting the table. Mum told us that Kelly was staying for lunch, so the table would be a little crowded. Glancing up at the clock, I wondered if Kelly would still be around when Scott’s parents arrived. I wasn’t sure it would be a good idea if she was: she might just blow up at them at the wrong time.
Lunch was a great success. Scott had recovered most of his composure and was sitting comfortably next to Adam. I noticed them doing a lot of subtle hand holding beneath the table.
Kelly told us that her mum wasn’t coping well. Her dad was getting worse and Mrs. Kennedy was having trouble looking after him as well as holding down two jobs. Her mum had told her that one thing she was grateful for was that both of her children were out of the house, so she didn’t have to worry about what was going to happen to them.
Kelly apologised for not showing up the previous weekend, but she had been flat hunting. Her uni friend had said she should stay as long as she needed, but Kelly didn’t want to be dependent on charity. Instead, she was spending the weekends looking for a place to live. She’d already managed to find a part time job to pay for it while she kept up her studies. It would be hard, but Kelly was determined to keep going.
Mum, predictably, told her that once she had herself settled, she was welcome at our house at any time. Without sounding like she was trying to help, Mum managed to pass on the impression that having a few meals a week with us would help keep Kelly’s living costs down. Because of the appreciation that Kelly showed for the meal, I suspected she would consider Mum’s offer seriously.
When we have these sorts of get-togethers, we usually sit at the table and have a very leisurely end to the meal. This time, Dad cut things short by getting to his feet. A glance at the clock showed why: Scott’s parents would be arriving in about twenty minutes.
“Well, thank you very much for the meal and the chance to catch up with my brother,” Kelly said to Mum and Dad.
“No problem. You’re welcome at any time, you know that,” Mum replied with a smile. “You can stay longer if you like.”
Kelly shook her head. “Sorry, but I don’t think I should. Chris told me what happened last night, and they don’t need a stranger around when they talk to their parents. I’m going out with my friends tonight, anyway, and I want to get ready.”
“All right,” Dad said. “Have a safe trip back.”
Kelly gave Adam a hug goodbye. She then surprised Scott when she pulled him into a hug as well. I saw her whisper something to him, to which he nodded.
Kelly then turned to Chris and held out her hand. “Good luck, Chris.”
He took her hand and smiled. “Thanks.”
After she was gone, Chris looked wistfully after her. “She’s a cool girl,” he said to himself.
Adam chuckled. “You saw her on a good day. You should see her after something goes wrong. She’d rip you to shreds.”
Chris started as he realised we’d all heard his comment. Randy was smirking and Adam was amused, but Scott didn’t seem to have noticed. I decided against saying anything. They each have a gay younger brother, but otherwise they appeared to move in different circles. I wasn’t going to read any more into Chris’ comment than an appreciation for Kelly’s concern for Scott.
There was a mad rush while all the lunch dishes were cleared off the table and either stacked in the dishwasher or manually washed, dried and put away. After a quick glance into the lounge room, Mum ordered all the bedding material taken to the study.
When there was a pause in the action, Dad spoke to Chris and Scott.
“Do you want to talk to your parents in private, or would you prefer to have someone there with you?”
Chris and Scott exchanged glances.
“I want Adam there,” Scott said firmly, though I could see his arms trembling.
He seemed extremely anxious about what was about to happen. I could appreciate that. If things went badly, he and Chris might lose their family. The phone call the night before indicated that that was unlikely to happen, but until he’d spoken to his parents face-to-face, Scott didn’t know what would occur. He had to be dreading the worst.
“If Adam’s there, I think you two should be there, too,” Chris said to Mum and Dad.
Our parents looked at Randy and me.
“If you don’t mind, could you two boys stay out?” Dad said kindly. “I don’t want Scott’s parents thinking we’re ganging up on them.”
“Sure, Dad,” I responded, trying to conceal my relief. While I would be there if they needed me, I was happy to stay out of a situation that had the potential to get very stressful. I was afraid I might say something to make things worse.
“We’ll do the tea, coffee and cakes,” Randy offered. “That way you can concentrate on what’s important.”
“Thanks, honey,” Mum said, seeming relieved. “We all want this to go well.”
With most of the other preparations out of the way, Randy and I took over the kitchen and started organising things. We asked Chris what his parents normally drank and he told us they both prefer tea. I began getting the good cups out of the dresser while Randy started organising a plate of food.
We then waited. Randy and I kept a lookout from the kitchen window. Adam and Scott were holding each other; Scott resting his head on Adam’s shoulder. Chris paced nervously while Mum and Dad just sat and talked about minor things.
“They’re here!” Randy called out.
Adam let go of Scott, who stepped back and wiped his eyes.
“How do I look?” Scott asked Adam.
Adam gave him an encouraging smile. “Fantastic.”
“Okay, let’s go out and meet them,” Dad said. He looked nervous.
The Wilsons were just getting out of their car when we walked up. Both looked haggard, as if they’d had little or no sleep. Mrs. Wilson, in particular, looked as if she’d spent a long time crying. Without planning, Chris stepped forward, with Scott at his shoulder.
“Mum, Dad,” Chris said with a nod of the head. He was a little blunt but I was sure he was just uncertain about the reception he was going to get.
Mr. Wilson didn’t hesitate. He stepped forward and gave Chris a big bear hug. “Son,” was all he said.
A second later, he let go and grabbed Scott in an identical hug. “I love you, son. I don’t want to lose you.”
While Mr. Wilson was embracing Scott, Mrs. Wilson stepped over and hesitantly kissed Chris on the cheek. She didn’t say anything, but smiles appeared on both their faces. She then headed towards where her husband had just released Scott.
She reached forward to hug him, but froze when Scott flinched. Both stood staring at each other, Mrs. Wilson with her arms raised, for a long moment. Everyone held their breath.
Scott took a cautious half step forward. When nothing happened, he took another half step and collapsed into her arms. “Mum,” he whispered.
She put her arms around him. “My son,” was all she said, but it seemed to be enough.
Just before she let him go, she kissed him gently on the cheek. They were smiling at each other – still appearing nervous and unsure, but hopeful – as the rest of us stepped forward.
“Welcome, Carol, Phil. Why don’t we all go inside where it’s warmer?” Mum suggested.
“Thanks, Yvonne,” Mrs. Wilson said. “And thank you for looking after both my boys last night.”
The emphasis on the word “both” brought a grin a mile wide to Scott’s face.
Mrs. Wilson then looked past my parents to where Adam was standing. She scowled. “So, you’re the one who’s turned my son gay,” she said bitterly.
Scott’s face fell.
[Authors note: The advice on how to come out to your parents that is mentioned by Randy can be found at http://www.outproud.org/brochure_coming_out.html ]
“Now, Carol, we said we wouldn’t say anything about that,” Mr. Wilson said, trying to calm his wife.
“I said we’ll still love our son,” she barked. “I never said anything about thatboy.”
“Mum, Adam didn’t turn Scott gay. Scott was gay well before we learnt about Adam,” Chris said.
She spun around to him. “How do you know?”
“Why don’t we all go inside and talk about it there?” Dad suggested, gently taking Mrs. Wilson’s arm and guiding her towards the house.
“Yes, we can sit down and talk about this calmly. It sounds like Scott and Chris have a lot to fill you in on,” Mum added.
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just stood there, dumbstruck at Mrs. Wilson’s rage against Adam. I glanced over at him and started to worry. He displayed his now familiar steely determination by blatantly taking Scott’s hand before heading back to the house. That would just inflame Mrs. Wilson.
Scott made a half-hearted attempt to pull his hand away, but Adam didn’t let him. The two walked back to the house together, with Scott’s parents following.
“Scott...” It sounded like Mrs. Wilson was about to say something hateful, but her husband interrupted her.
“Let’s wait until we’re inside,” he said quietly, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Chris and my parents exchanged worried looks. The issue of Adam was going to be critical in the upcoming discussion.
Randy and I brought up the rear in the procession towards the house.
“Any ideas on what we can do?” Randy whispered to me as we walked along.
“None,” I replied curtly.
It was going to be up to Chris and Scott, and I hoped Adam wouldn’t make things worse by making some sort of stupid statement about not giving up his boyfriend. His belligerent stance in front of Scott’s parents was not a good sign.
I stopped in my tracks as I suddenly guessed at what was going through Adam’s head. He’d come so far since he’d been kicked out of home that I’d forgotten how recently that was. Scott had come out to him less than a week after he’d lost his family. Adam was afraid he was going to lose Scott, too, and he was trying to show that he wasn’t willing to let that happen.
“What is it?” Randy asked me as he stopped, too.
“Nothing,” I said. I didn’t see how sharing my thoughts with Randy would help, and I might have been wrong, anyway.
Once inside the house, Mum and Dad took everyone to the lounge room, while Randy put the kettle on. I hesitated for a moment before following the others.
The Wilsons were just seating themselves on the couch when I arrived. Mum and Dad had taken the two good chairs, while Adam, Scott and Chris were sitting in the extra chairs we’d brought in earlier. Adam and Scott were still hold hands, despite Mrs. Wilson’s disapproving glare.
“What’s he doing here?” Mrs. Wilson demanded, pointing at Adam. “This is a family matter, and I don’t want him in the room.”
“He’s here for me,” Scott shot back. “I want him with me, and what we talk about is going to affect him, too.”
Before Mrs. Wilson could explode, her husband reached over and put a hand on her arm.
“Just let it go,” he said gently. “It’s not that important.”
She snapped her mouth closed and scowled angrily.
“Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?” I asked Scott’s parents as politely as I could. I didn’t want to aggravate matters by being rude.
“We’ll both have tea, thanks,” Mr. Wilson replied, after glancing at his wife. She didn’t seem to notice me.
I hesitated. Chris had told me what they normally drink, but I wasn’t confident enough to just assume that was what they’d be having. Mr. Wilson guessed my dilemma.
“I’ll have black with one. My wife will have white, no sugar.”
“Black with one sugar. White with none,” I repeated, before turning to my parents.
“White tea, no sugar,” Mum said. The fact that she didn’t smile was telling, at least to me.
“Same here,” Dad added. I was a little surprised. I’d been expecting him to have coffee.
I turned to the others.
“White coffee with two sugars,” Chris quietly told me, before returning his attention to his parents. He was frowning slightly and gnawing at his lower lip.
“White coffee,” Scott said. He seemed preoccupied, and he was squeezing Adam’s hand.
“Tea, please,” Adam said, after a glance at my parents. “White, no sugar.”
Again, I was surprised. Adam normally drinks coffee.
As I left the room, I heard Mum start the conversation.
“Chris, why don’t you tell us what you know?”
I didn’t stick around to hear what he would say. I just hoped it would help.
Randy looked up as I joined him in the kitchen.
“Chris and Scott are having coffee, Chris with two sugars. Their dad is having black tea with one and everyone else is having white tea.”
I looked down at the cups Randy had out. There weren’t enough good teacups, so I headed to the dresser to get more.
“How’s it going?” Randy asked me, as he spooned instant coffee into two mugs. We’d asked Mum earlier if we should make a pot, and she’d said to do that only if the Wilsons wanted coffee. For everyone else, instant would be okay.
“Tense, but I’m hoping Chris can explain things to his mum.”
Randy nodded. “I hope she doesn’t end up blaming Adam.”
“Yeah,” I sighed, as I continued getting things ready. The early signs were that she was heading in that direction.
Once we had the drink orders organised and everything onto a pair of trays, Randy and I looked at each other for support. I was glad the pink in Randy’s hair had faded, as that colour could’ve been another thing to upset Mrs. Wilson. Randy raised both hands to show his crossed fingers, and then reached down to pick up a tray. I picked up the other, and we walked carefully to the lounge room.
“... and I had to keep encouraging Scott to tell Adam,” Chris was saying as we entered.
Everyone looked up as our entrance interrupted their discussion.
“Thanks, dears,” Mum said gently. She gave us a small smile.
I gave Scott’s parents their drinks first, starting with Mrs. Wilson. Her lips were pursed as she stared across at where Adam and Scott were sitting. She looked up at me and gave me a nod of appreciation when she accepted her tea, but didn’t say anything. Mr. Wilson softly thanked me but quickly turned his attention back to his two sons and Adam.
After placing a plate of cakes and slices next to the Wilsons, and handing Mum and Dad their drinks, I picked up the tray, ready to leave. Randy was waiting for me by the door.
“As I was saying, Scott was scared to say anything. I told him that I liked Adam and I kept pushing Scott to tell him about himself. After a few days, he finally did.”
“So, you were helping your brother to meet up with this...this...” Mrs. Wilson was struggling to find an appropriate word to describe Adam.
“My boyfriend?” Scott suggested. There was a touch of defiance in the way he said it, though his tone was civil.
“...homosexual,” Mrs Wilson eventually said. Her tone made it clear how unpleasant she found the word.
“I’m a homosexual, too, Mum,” Scott stated firmly, though politely, as I walked over to stand beside Randy. “I’ve known that for years.”
“But you weren’t like this, before. You’ve changed,” she said, seeming to try to contain her emotions.
“You don’t understand! Yes, I’ve changed. For the first time in over two years, I’m happy, and that’s because of Adam. I’m no longer alone. I want him. I need him, and I’m not giving him up.”
During the silence that followed Scott’s outburst, Randy and I slipped out of the room. A final glance back showed Mrs. Wilson looking like she was about to explode. She obviously wasn’t happy with what Scott had just said.
I was very tempted to stay and eavesdrop, but I headed back along the hallway. I didn’t want to give Mrs. Wilson any excuses for getting more upset. I hadn’t heard Mr. Wilson say much, so I could only hope he was listening with an open mind.
“It doesn’t sound too good,” Randy remarked, once we were back in the kitchen.
“No, it doesn’t, but it sounds like Scott’s not going to let her get away with blaming Adam.”
Randy looked thoughtful.
“Come with me,” he said suddenly, heading towards the study.
I followed, curious as to what he was planning. When he sat down at the computer and logged on, I made a guess.
“You’re going to print something off for Scott’s mum?”
“Yep. There’s a site I know of with information for parents. I should’ve thought of this earlier and had some stuff ready, but we thought it was all going to be okay.”
Randy was surfing through web sites.
“Ah ha! Here it is!”
I looked over his shoulder and saw lots of questions and answers. Reading a few of them showed me that it would’ve been a good site for me to have read earlier. I mightn’t have gone off the deep end as much as I did if I’d known those sorts of things when Adam came out.
“How many copies should I print off?”
I thought for a moment.
“Five. One each for Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, one for Chris, one for Scott and Adam, and one for Mum and Dad. That way, everyone will know what they are talking about.”
“Okay.”
I collected the copies as they printed, and stapled them together. Once we had the five copies ready, Randy was going to head straight to the lounge room, but I stopped him.
“They’ll have finished their drinks. Let’s get the trays so we can take the cups away. We can ask them if they want any more at the same time.”
Randy nodded. “We can give them the printouts then, too.”
“I don’t think so,” I said slowly, as I worked furiously through the options. “Just give them to Dad without comment. He can hand them out, if he thinks it’s okay.”
“Good idea. We don’t know what they’ve been talking about, and we don’t want to jump in and make things worse.”
I handed him the printouts after he’d picked up his tray. When he looked quizzically at me, I just said, “They were your idea. You should get the credit for giving them to Dad.”
We headed down to the lounge room and hesitated outside, listening to see if we would be interrupting at an inappropriate time.
“…we’ve done wrong? Haven’t we provided you with a good home to grow up in?”
It sounded like Mrs. Wilson had left her belligerent attitude behind and was now confused and upset. Randy looked at me and I nodded my head. I knocked on the door to alert them that we were coming in.
When there was no response, I pushed the door open. The first thing I saw was Mrs. Wilson dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. She was visibly distressed. Her husband was awkwardly patting her other hand. A glance around showed that Chris was looking worried, and that Scott seemed to be the verge of losing it. I wondered if Scott was about to start screaming abuse, or maybe just break down on the spot. Adam was holding Scott’s hand tightly in both of his and keeping his focus on his boyfriend. He barely looked up as we walked in.
While Randy went up to Dad, I stepped forward to grab everyone’s attention.
“Would anyone like another drink?” I asked, while scanning the plates of food to see if they needed to be topped up. The plate near Chris was half empty, but most of the rest didn’t look touched. I wondered whether that was a good sign or a bad sign. It could have meant that either they had been too busy talking or they were too upset and distraught to eat.
Mrs. Wilson had barely tasted her drink, but she asked for another one. Mr. Wilson accepted the offer, as did Mum, but everyone else turned me down. When I turned to Dad, I noticed he was busy scanning the printouts that Randy had slipped to him while everyone’s attention was on me.
Randy and I returned to the kitchen and put the kettle back on.
“Any idea on how it’s going?” Randy asked me.
I shrugged. There really wasn’t anything to say.
The kettle had just boiled when we heard a polite cough from behind us. We turned to see an apologetic-looking Mr. Wilson standing nearby.
“Excuse me, but where’s the toilet?”
Randy pointed him in the right direction. I was about to make the tea, but decided to wait until Mr. Wilson returned. There was no point in taking it in before he went back to the lounge room.
When he did return, he stopped and looked at us. He glanced down the hallway towards where the others were, and then turned his attention back to Randy and me.
“Umm, can I ask you boys a question?”
“Sure,” I replied while Randy nodded.
“You’re living with Adam. Aren’t you…uh…afraid he might…”
His voice drifted off as he struggled to say what he meant.
“He might what?” Randy asked with an edge to his voice. He was playing games. I knew he knew what Scott’s dad was talking about.
“Never mind,” Mr. Wilson quickly replied, looking embarrassed as he turned away. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Yeah, I was, but not anymore,” I replied. On that subject, I thought I understood things better than Randy.
Scott’s dad turned back to stare at me.
“Oh?” he said, raising an eyebrow.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Randy scowl at me, but he stayed quiet.
“When I first found out about Adam, I remembered some of the stories and jokes I’d heard. I was worried he might try something. Eventually, though, I realised that Adam is still the same guy I’ve known for years. He probably saved my life last year, and he just doesn’t fit the picture of the poofs I’d been told about.
“I’ve decided he’s a friend, first,” I added, lying through my teeth. It wasn’t the time to tell Mr. Wilson that while I wanted Adam as a friend again, he still hadn’t accepted me back. “That’s all that’s important.”
Mr. Wilson nodded his head.
“Thanks,” he said absently, before strolling slowly back to the lounge room. He looked like he was thinking hard.
I turned and put the kettle back on. It started to boil again almost immediately, so I started making the three cups of tea. Once I’d finished, I looked up to see Randy staring at me. He had an odd expression on his face, as if he couldn’t work something out.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
Ignoring my brother, I picked up the tray and took the drinks back down to the other room. I paused outside the room, waiting for a chance to go in without disrupting things. The conversation sounded heated. Scott was being interrogated on whether or not he’s really gay.
“Mum, I’m sorry. I’m gay, and that’s the way it is. I can’t change it. Both Adam and I have tried, but it just doesn’t work. Can’t you please understand that?”
I heard Mrs. Wilson say, “Scott…” The raw emotion in both of their voices was painful to hear.
There was silence for a few moments, so I knocked and entered. Scott had his head buried in Adam’s shoulder, and his whole body was shaking. Adam had both arms wrapped around Scott and was whispering softly to him. He looked distressed. Mrs. Wilson was half out of her chair, but was being held back by her husband. Both seemed very upset. Scott’s mum must’ve given up trying to keep her composure, as unchecked tears were streaming down her face.
I handed out the drinks and quietly left. I don’t think Scott even realised I’d been in the room. I was shaking when I stepped out of the room, due to the intense atmosphere I’d just left. Both Scott and his parents were going through something really painful. I was glad I didn’t have to go through it with them.
Randy and I were reduced to looking at the clock. Neither one of us felt like talking. I was worried for Scott, and I guessed Randy felt the same. It started raining, the weather seeming to complement the mood inside the house.
Almost an hour later, everyone came out of the lounge room. Scott’s dad was holding a rolled up paper, so I knew my dad had handed out Randy’s printouts. Scott and Adam were holding hands as they followed the four parents out of the room. Chris brought up the rear.
Scott was a wreck and his mum looked just as bad. Mr. Wilson looked slightly better, but he was moving as if he’d aged twenty years.
“Thanks for coming around, Carol, Phil,” Mum was saying. “We look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Yvonne,” Mrs. Wilson replied. There was definite sincerity in her statement.
She then turned to Scott and hesitantly lifted her arms. Scott stepped forward, but his expression was stony as he gave her a hug. After he stepped back to Adam, Mrs. Wilson gave a heavy sigh before turning to Chris and doing the same with him. Unlike his brother, Chris smiled down at his mum.
“Now, you two be good for Mrs. Johnson,” she instructed after letting go of Chris.
“Yes, Mum,” Chris said, smiling, while Scott just nodded. Scott’s face was a mask of neutrality.
Mr. Wilson stepped up and gave Scott a hug. He whispered something that seemed to surprise Scott, but whatever it was must’ve been encouraging, as Scott looked happier when his dad stepped over to Chris. Mr. Wilson only shook Chris’ hand, but both of them were smiling.
While Mr. Wilson did that, Mrs. Wilson was staring at Adam and Scott, who were standing together, each with an arm around the other’s waist. Adam noticeably pulled Scott closer when he became aware of the attention. He was scowling, as if in challenge. Mrs. Wilson was harder to read. She wasn’t happy, but she didn’t seem as hostile as she’d been when she’d arrived. Even in Adam’s grip, Scott was standing stiffly, like a soldier going to war. He wanted his parents to accept him, but he wasn’t going to back down on what he wanted.
After a few more pleasantries, the Wilsons left. The rest of us stayed inside, out of the rain.
“So, how did it go?” Randy asked impatiently, as soon as we saw Scott’s parents’ car disappear down the driveway.
We all looked at Scott to see if he was going to answer.
“Not good,” he said sadly. He leant against Adam, as if for support, and then continued. “But it could’ve been a lot worse.”
“We’re staying here another night, but we should be back home tomorrow,” Chris said, when it was clear that Scott wasn’t going to say anything else.
“Scott’s parents need more time to think,” Mum said, “so we all decided it’s best for the two boys to stay for a bit longer.”
“Thanks, boys, for those printouts, ” Dad said, smiling at Randy and me. “They really helped.”
“Randy gets the credit for that,” I replied.
“In that case, thanks, Randy.”
“That’s okay,” Randy said, giving a dismissive wave of the hand. “I’m just sorry I didn’t think of it earlier.”
“I’m not sure Mum was ready to listen before then,” Chris remarked. “She had to have Scott and me give her the background, first.”
I noticed Adam was staying very quiet and Scott didn’t seem keen to say much. Trying not to be obvious, I watched them closely. I wasn’t sure, but I thought both of them were still tense. Adam had an arm around Scott’s back and was holding him tight.
“Well, I suppose I should get the air mattress back out,” Randy said.
“Get the two singles out, not the big one,” Dad said.
“The singles?”
“Yes. We’ll organise things differently this time.”
Randy looked puzzled. “Different how?”
Dad looked over at me. “David, do you mind Scott staying in your room tonight?”
“Why can’t Scott stay with me?” Adam asked. There was an unspoken plea behind his words.
Dad fixed him with a critical eye. “Last night was special; Scott needed you. You’re only fifteen, Adam, and we need to take that into account. Tonight, you’re going back to your bed in Randy’s room.”
“Of course, we don’t have any special plans tomorrow, so you can stay up late if you want to,” Mum added comfortingly. “We’re not going to get between you and Scott, but there are boundaries we’d like you to respect.”
“I take it that means I’m sleeping in the lounge room, then,” Chris said.
Dad gave him a wry smile. “I heard a rumour that you snore, so I think that’s best for the rest of us,” he remarked dryly.
“I don’t snore!” Chris remarked indignantly.
“Yes you do!” Scott and Randy chorused.
“Hmph,” Chris snorted. “If you’re going to be that way, then I’m going to sleep in the lounge room tonight. I won’t want to sleep in the same room as either of you.”
“David, you haven’t answered your dad’s question,” Adam asked without inflection. He was staring at me as if he was waiting for me to make a wrong move.
“What question was that?”
“About Break sleeping in your room tonight.”
I then knew what he was waiting for. Luckily, there’d been time for me to think before the question was re-asked.
“Of course he can stay in my room. He can even have the bed. I’ll sleep on the air bed.”
Adam’s eyes widened at that, but otherwise he didn’t react. Scott was startled.
“You don’t have to do that! You keep the bed.”
I stared hard at him. “You’re still upset, Break. You’ll sleep better in a bed than on the floor,” I said sternly, before continuing more gently. “Please, let me help, even if it’s only in this small way.”
Scott was tired, or had more important things on his mind, so he stopped arguing and just accepted it with a nod of his head.
While it was only midafternoon, everyone, apart from Randy and me, looked worn out. The tension must’ve been high in that meeting. Mum went out to see her horses, and Dad retreated to the study to read a book. The rest of us returned to the lounge room.
“What else can you tell us?” Randy asked. I’d been trying to work out how to ask the same question, but I hadn’t been confident enough. I was afraid Adam might take it as putting my nose in where it wasn’t welcome.
Scott just sat there, resting his head on Adam’s shoulder. Either he didn’t hear the question, or he just didn’t want to think about it, because he didn’t react.
“Neither of them understand,” Chris answered. “Dad is trying really hard, but Mum seems to have some sort of mental block on the subject. It’s like until she can sort out what’s happened, she can’t move on to working out what to do next.”
He sounded sad, but he hadn’t given up hoping for a happy ending.
“On the positive side, both of them say they still love Scott. Dad even made the comment that we’re his sons first, and anything else second. Mum just can’t seem to be able to see Scott and ‘gay’ at the same time. We probably could’ve gone home today, but another night of thinking things over, separately, seemed like the smart thing to do. Everyone agreed to that.”
“What did our parents say?” Randy asked.
“They kept out of it, mostly,” Chris answered. “They said just enough to show they support both Scott and Adam, and then only intervened to correct mistakes or to keep things under control. Your dad was good with dispelling myths about gays, but he left a lot up to Scott and me. Your mum was really good at calming our mum down when needed.”
We talked for some time. Scott was very quiet and Adam’s attention was mainly on his boyfriend, but Chris filled Randy and me in on the events of the afternoon.
He was concerned about his mum. Despite the sympathy she’d expressed previously about Adam, she just couldn’t accept him as Scott’s boyfriend. She was also struggling with the concept of Scott being gay. Chris thanked Randy for the printouts. They’d helped redirect his parents into more useful areas of discussion. Whether another night of thinking about it would be enough to start Mrs. Wilson coming to terms with her gay son and his protective big brother remained to be seen.
Chris mentioned that his parents had said they hadn’t slept the night before. He was hoping that was part of the reason for his mum’s aggression. They’d be back for another talk the next afternoon, and the intention was that Chris and Scott would go home at that point.
When that was stated, Adam stirred and looked worried.
“Why can’t your mum accept that Scott and I are together, Chris?” he asked, showing some anger. “Every time she looked at me, I felt as if she wished she could shoot me.”
“She doesn’t understand, Adam. She’s still getting used to the news. Give her time.”
“What’s there to get used to? I love Scott and I’m not giving him up. Why can’t she just leave us alone?” Adam asked. He was building up into a rage against Scott’s mother.
Scott suddenly pulled away from Adam and jumped to his feet. He glared down at his startled boyfriend.
“She’s my mum, Ads! She’s not your father!”
With that, Scott stormed out of the room.
As soon as Adam had shaken off his stunned surprise, he leapt to his feet.
“Scott, wait!” he cried out as he sprinted to the door.
Randy started to move, but Chris held up his hand and stopped him. “Let them go. This is between them and none of our business.” Chris sounded very tired.
I heard what sounded like the door to the veranda closing, dropping the volume of Adam’s pleas. I nodded to myself. The veranda was probably the best place for them. They’d have some privacy without getting rained on.
I stood up and looked over at my brother.
“Come on, Giant. Time to organise things for tonight.”
Scott and Adam didn’t come back inside until just before dinner. When they reappeared, they were holding hands, but didn’t look comfortable. While they were gone, Randy and I had set up the air mattresses; one in the lounge room and one in my room. Chris had made a half-hearted offer to help, but ended up lying on the couch with his eyes closed.
The mood that night was somber. No one seemed willing to talk much. Even Randy didn’t tease me as much as he normally would. Mum made an effort to get things going by asking me what I was going to wear for my date with Liz the following night, but all that did was to make me start to worry. I’d been intending to wear jeans, a good T-shirt, and a jacket, but then I became concerned that that would be too casual. When we finished eating and cleaning up, I headed to my room to have another look at what options I had in the clothing department.
I had clothes scattered in piles all over my bed when I heard someone behind me.
“Don’t worry about it, Stick. Liz isn’t going to turn you down because of what you’re wearing.”
I looked over my shoulder at Scott, who was standing in the doorway. He looked tired and unhappy. Despite that, he seemed amused at me.
“I know, but I want to show that I’m making an effort,” I said, as I scanned my selections and moved one set off the bed and into the reject heap.
“She knows that already.”
Feeling a bit desperate, I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at Scott.
“You’ve been talking to her?”
“Not much, but yes,” he replied as he walked towards the bed. He glanced down at the piles of clothes and gave me a half smile.
“How about you take the bed and I take the mattress? That way you won’t have to move everything.”
I stood up quickly. Glancing at the clock, I was surprised to see it was already after nine. “I’ll move them, but isn’t it a bit early to go to bed?”
Scott shrugged and sat down on an empty spot of the bed. “It’s been a tiring day. Adam and I were about to start arguing, and I don’t want to do that, so I’ve decided it’s time to go to sleep.”
I started moving things from the bed to piles on the floor nearby.
“You and Adam were fighting?” I asked, surprised. I hadn’t heard anything, but I’d been obsessed with my clothes.
“Not quite, but it was heading that way,” Scott sighed. His shoulders slumped and his face looked drawn.
I debated with myself about whether I should get involved, while I cleared the rest of my stuff off the bed. Coming to a decision, I sat down at the other end of the bed.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Scott at first shook his head, but then nodded.
“Adam’s asking me if the worst happens, will I choose him or my family.”
Scott was worried, that was obvious, but I sensed he didn’t want to make that choice. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he didn’t know the answer to that question, and didn’t even want to think about it.
I got up and closed the door. We were going to have a private chat, and I suspected it would be unwise to let others overhear what we said. I also had a question I wanted to ask Scott, if I got the chance.
Returning to the bed, I looked at Scott before saying anything. He seemed dejected. He was sitting, slumped, staring at the floor. He’d been shaken by the situation with his parents, and still hadn’t recovered.
“You don’t want to lose your family, do you, Break?” I asked gently.
He shook his head.
“Adam’s already lost his family. He doesn’t want to lose you, too.”
“I know that, but it doesn’t make it any easier,” Scott admitted before turning to face me. There was a glint of anger in his eyes. “Adam doesn’t have the right to ask that of me!”
“Adam’s scared. He might look strong, but he needs as much support as he can get,” I responded. “I can still remember the effect you had on him. The day before, he’d been frantic when Maise and Helen harassed him. The next day, he was confidence plus. He told me afterwards that knowing you were there for him made all the difference in the world. He doesn’t want to lose that.”
Scott looked at me wide-eyed. “He said that?”
I nodded. “Yep. I’ve seen it, too. He’ll do anything to keep you with him.”
Scott looked away. “He still shouldn’t ask me to choose.”
“No, but he’s doing it because he doesn’t want to worry about you walking out on him.”
Scott jumped to his feet. He was halfway to the door before he glanced back over his shoulder at me.
“I’ll be back, Stick. I just need to say something to Ads.”
I smiled. Adam and I were still rubbing each other raw at times, but I was glad that Scott and I didn’t have that problem. Gay relationship counselling wasn’t something I’d ever considered I’d be doing, but I felt I understood Adam, at least to a degree. His situation was sort of like mine with Liz. I’d do anything to avoid having her walk away from me. In a strange way, I owed Adam, and helping him and Scott was a way of paying him back.
While Scott was out, I started thinking about having a gay guy spend the night in my room. I trusted Scott, but I was nervous. There were so many things I didn’t know. I made a quick decision and changed into a pair of tracksuit pants. I could sleep in those. Sleeping in my underwear like I normally do would probably have been okay, but I didn’t see any harm in being cautious.
Scott came back after about twenty minutes, and he was smiling happily. He closed the door behind him, sat down on the bed, and looked down at where I was sitting on the mattress.
“Thanks, Stick,” he said. The gratitude he felt came through loud and clear.
I shrugged. “It was nothing.”
“Do you mind if I go to bed? It’s been a long day.”
I grinned. “Go ahead. I want to get up early tomorrow, anyway. I have to make that cake.”
While Scott got undressed, I picked up a book to read. I was happy to let Scott take the lead if he wanted to talk about the day.
“Do you want me to turn the light off?” Scott asked me when he was finished.
I looked up. He was wearing a pair of boxers and a loose T-shirt. I gave a wry half-smile as I realised he looked exactly the same as every other time we’d slept over at the same place. It just reinforced the idea that he’s still the same guy he’s always been.
“I’ll do it. You’d probably fall over me if you tried to get back to the bed in the dark.”
Scott chuckled. “I wouldn’t want to do that. Okay, thanks.”
I got up and turned off the light. On impulse, before going back to the air mattress, I stripped off my tracksuit pants. The sooner I started treating everything as “business-as-usual” the better it would be.
After lying down on the mattress and pulling the doona up over my chest, I put my hands behind my head. I had a question I wanted to ask Scott, but I didn’t know if I should. It was important to me, but I would be asking Scott to talk about his boyfriend. That’s a different relationship than when he and Adam had just been best friends.
When I heard Scott roll around in the bed, trying to get comfortable, I took a deep breath and decided to go ahead. Raising myself up onto an elbow, I looked in the direction of the bed.
“Scott, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, Stick,” he replied hesitantly. “What do you want to know?”
After getting the go-ahead, I almost backed down. I suddenly realised that I might be risking my friendship with Scott, too, if he thought I was prying. It was only the feeling that if I didn’t ask then, I never would, that made me continue.
“I messed up big time with Adam. I’ve been trying to fix things up since then, but I don’t know if I’m getting anywhere. Do you think Adam will ever again accept me as a friend?”
I held my breath while I waited for a reply. I let it out in surprise when Scott gave a short, sharp laugh.
“Sorry, Stick, but that wasn’t what I thought you were going to ask about,” he said with a chuckle.
“What do you mean?” I asked before I could stop myself. I quickly added “never mind” when I guessed what he meant. I suppose I’ll eventually ask him questions about sex, but that was not the time.
I waited for Scott to say something, but when his silence stretched out, I got worried.
“Forget it, if you don’t want to answer,” I said quickly, as I tried to dig myself out of a hole. I was afraid I had somehow upset Scott.
“Sorry to take so long, but I want to make sure I answer this properly,” Scott said. “Give me a sec while I work out how to say this.”
I waited nervously.
“Stick, I don’t think you appreciate how much you hurt Adam that night,” Scott started cautiously. “While he wasn’t able to do it properly, he’s told me that there were a few people he had expected to be able to tell he’s gay without a serious problem. You were one of those, and when you fired out at him that night, he felt betrayed. He had faith in you, but you let him down in the worst possible way.”
Scott paused while I cringed at what he’d said. I’d always considered myself to be fair-minded and open, but I was anything but, when Adam told us he’s gay. I still don’t believe I understand exactly what I did, but I was gaining an appreciation for the pain I caused.
“Since then, you’ve tried really hard, and Adam knows this, but he’s slow to trust you again. He’s getting there, but it’s going to take time. Just keep going the way you’re going.”
“Is there something else I should do?” I asked, and was then afraid that I was sounding a touch desperate.
“Don’t worry about it, Stick. You’re doing fine. Just give Ads some more time.” I heard the smile in Scott’s voice. He’d heard my desperate tone.
We talked about minor stuff for maybe another hour. When I heard Scott yawn, I ended the chat, and we settled down and went to sleep. I woke up partway through the night to the sound of Scott tossing and turning, but I didn’t say anything. If he was having trouble sleeping, there wasn’t much I could do about it. I waited, and he eventually fell back to sleep.
I woke up early the next morning. I heard Scott snoring faintly, so I eased myself carefully out of bed and picked up some clothes to put on later. I quietly opened the door and went to take a shower.
After I’d finished and dressed, I went down to the kitchen. Tony was due later that morning, and I didn’t know how long he’d stay, so I needed to go ahead and bake the cake for Mary’s mum. Otherwise, I might run out of time.
Not surprisingly, both of my parents were up. Mum looked like she’d already been out to check on the horses. Dad was sitting down with toast and coffee, while Mum was eating a bowl of cereal. I said good morning and quickly made myself some raisin toast and a cup of strong coffee. After finishing my breakfast, I got everything ready to start cooking.
I was just putting the cake in the oven when Randy and Adam entered the room.
“Where’s Scott?” Adam asked.
“He was still asleep when I woke up,” I replied, setting the timer on the oven. I’d never hear the end of it if the cake got burnt.
Adam’s glance down the hallway couldn’t have been more transparent.
“Why don’t you go wake him up?” Mum suggested, trying to smother a smile.
Adam didn’t wait. He disappeared straight away.
“What’s your plan for this morning, Mum?” Randy asked casually as he started to organise his breakfast.
“I was planning on going for a ride. Why?”
Randy shrugged. “Just wanted to know, that’s all.”
Mum didn’t seem fooled by his attempt at nonchalance, but she let it slide.
“I’ve got some shopping to do down at Chirnside Park. Do you boys want anything?” Dad asked.
“Nothing for me,” I replied. I was secretly pleased that we’d probably have the house to ourselves when Tony arrived.
“I don’t need anything, Dad,” Randy added.
Adam and Scott came in soon afterwards. Scott looked a lot better that morning. When Chris came in, it was clear that both of them were a lot more relaxed than they’d been the day before. Their parents would be showing up at around two that afternoon. Unless something went terribly wrong, they’d be going home that day.
It was after nine when Dad left. Mum gave me a compliment on the cooling cake before she headed outside to ride her horse. The sky was overcast, but the rain had stopped during the night and it looked like it was going to stay dry for the day.
“What will we do when Tony arrives?” Randy asked, once we were all alone.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean, who goes out and says hello? If we all go, he just might turn and run away, thinking he’s about to be mobbed.”
“Good point,” Chris said. “I think Adam should go out to see him.”
Adam shook his head. “He rang Randy first, and it’s Randy’s home. He should go out first.”
“I’m happy with that,” Randy stated. He was keen to meet the guy.
“What if it’s a setup?” I asked. “Randy’s been attacked once when he was by himself.”
Randy snorted. “Yeah, right. You guys will be right here in the house. How likely is it that this guy will try anything?”
“It’s worth worrying about,” Scott said. “If he’s on a bike he could be away again before anyone could catch him. Why doesn’t Stick go with you, Giant? It’s his home, too.”
We all looked at each other and it was quickly agreed. Then it was just a case of waiting. Randy remarked that he hoped the guy hadn’t chickened out, but he was told there wasn’t a lot we could do about that. It was the best time for Tony to show up. Mum was down riding her horse and could be expected to be out there until close to lunchtime. Dad was out shopping, and wasn’t expected back until just after midday. Tony could show up and, if he wanted to, be gone before Mum and Dad saw him.
When we saw a bike coming up our driveway, Randy and I went outside. Randy was particularly eager to meet the mysterious “Tony” and find out who he was.
As the rider approached, I thought he was about the same age as me, though with the riding helmet obscuring part of his face, it was hard to tell. He looked average in size, but was clearly fit. I was guessing he’d ridden from Yarra Glen, but he was still going strong. He had on the typical brightly-coloured, skin-tight clothing that serious bike riders tend to wear when road riding. He was also wearing a backpack. He lifted one hand to wave to us as he came closer.
He pulled to a stop near us and dismounted. With his back to us, he flicked down the stand for the bike, then took off his helmet and shook his head. A mass of vaguely familiar black curls appeared. The guy then turned to face my brother and me.
“Tristan!” I said in disbelief.
“Hi, Stick, Randy,” Tristan MacDonald said in a reserved manner. He looked nervous.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I tried to put my brain into gear.
“Were you expecting someone named Tony, by any chance?”
“You’re Tony?” Randy asked, perplexed by something.
“Can we go inside? I don’t want to cool down out here,” Tristan said, as he slipped the backpack off and held it by one strap. “If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to take a shower. I’ve got a change of clothes with me.”
“Sure,” I said, waving him towards the house.
I wanted to talk privately with my brother, as he was looking at Tristan suspiciously, but we didn’t really have a chance. Tristan was never that far away. As he’d never been to our house, that wasn’t surprising.
I opened the door and let Tristan go first. Inside, Adam, Scott and Chris were waiting.
“Hi, Tristan,” Adam said, looking concerned. “What brings you to these parts?”
“This is ‘Tony’,” I said.
Adam shook his head and glared at Tristan. “He’s not Tony. I know Tristan’s voice, and that’s not who I spoke to on the phone. Okay, Tristan, what are you up to?”
Tristan ignored Adam and stared at Scott and Chris. He then glanced across at Adam and gave a small nod of the head, as if to himself. Stepping forward, he put out a hand to Chris.
“Hi. I’m Tristan. You must be Adam’s boyfriend.”
Chris stood up and accepted the offered hand. He shook it firmly. “I’m Chris. Before I answer that, can you answer Adam’s question?”
Once Chris had let go, Tristan nervously ran his hand through his sweaty black hair. He looked around at all of us before turning back to Adam.
“No, I’m not Tony,” he conceded. “Tony’s a friend of mine. I wanted to make sure things were safe before he came here.”
Adam’s belligerent mood subsided as he absorbed that statement. Randy’s tension also seemed to drop away as he accepted what Tristan had said.
“Sensible,” Chris said, with a nod of his head.
There was a moment of silence. I didn’t know what to say and no one else seemed to, either.
“Do you mind if I make a phone call?” Tristan asked. He looked liked he’d made some sort of decision.
“Go ahead,” I said, as I started to walk over to get the handset. “I’ll get it for you.”
“No need,” Tristan replied, and pulled a mobile phone out of his pack.
After hitting a few keys, he held it up to his ear.
“Hi, Tony. It looks okay. Come on up.”
Pausing to listen to the response, he smiled and then hung up.
The smile transformed into a cold stare as he glared around the room.
“Tony will be here shortly,” he stated curtly. “I’m putting my brother’s life in your hands, guys. You hurt him and I’ll make your lives a living hell.”
[Authors note: One website for parents like that mentioned by Randy can be found at http://www.bidstrup.com/parents.htm ]
We all stepped outside to meet Tony. He stopped his bike while he was still some distance away, probably put off by the sight of the crowd, but Tristan took a step forward and waved him on.
He cycled down, pulled up next to Tristan’s bike, dismounted, and removed his helmet.
Tony turned out to be a weedy young kid. He shared Tristan’s black hair, but his was more wavy than curly. He seemed fit and trim, like a smaller version of his brother, but a pair of gold-rimmed glasses distinguished him from Tristan.
Randy made the first move. Stepping forward, he held out his hand.
“Hi, Tony. I’m Randy.”
Tony grasped Randy’s hand hesitantly, and then smiled shyly.
“Hi, Randy. I’ve been waiting for this, though I’m disappointed you’re not gay. I’ve been watching you at school for the last week.”
Randy shrugged and grinned. “Everyone’s allowed a few flaws. One of mine is that I’m straight.”
I stiffened involuntarily, and then forced myself to relax. Tony was trying to hit on my brother, but Randy was able to look after himself. He was probably close to twice Tony’s weight and had a good six inches on him in height.
“What class are you in?” Randy asked, as he turned and lead Tony back to the rest of us. “I don’t remember you from school.”
“I’m in year 7, that’s why,” Tony explained. He then looked across at Adam. “Hi, Adam.”
“G’day, Tony,” Adam said with a smile as he a raised hand. “It’s good to finally meet you.”
“Hi, Tony, I’m Scott. Welcome to the family,” Scott stated with a half smile, stepping forward to shake hands.
“Hi, Tony,” I said, giving him a wave.
“And I’m Chris. Why don’t we all go inside where it’s warmer?”
I glanced over at Tristan. He was frowning slightly as his eyes flicked across the group. He was relaxing, but only slowly. I could tell he was deeply concerned for his brother.
“Come on, Tristan,” I said, as the others headed towards the house. “When you’re ready, I’ll show you where the shower is.”
Tristan nodded, though his eyes stayed focused on the guys surrounding Tony.
“What was that crack about welcome to the family?” Tristan asked as we followed the others.
I’d wondered that myself, and was guessing that Scott was referring to the extended family my parents were developing. They started with Adam, but I sensed that they placed Scott and Chris not too far behind him in the family stakes.
“It’s a bit complicated,” I answered. There was no point in trying to tell him everything. It was also not my place to tell Tristan about Scott, though I expected that issue would be resolved quickly.
When Tristan and I entered the house, Randy was already organising drinks for everyone. The rest were seated around the kitchen table. We joined them after Randy took our orders. “Chris is Adam’s boyfriend,” Tristan said to his brother.
Tony turned and looked across to where Adam, Scott and Chris were sitting.
“Can I tell him? Please?” Tony asked eagerly.
“What are you talking about?” Tristan asked, obviously puzzled and a little annoyed. I was puzzled, too.
“Sure, Tony. Go ahead,” Scott replied with a wide grin. He seemed to be the only one who knew what was going on.
It was only because I was aware of them that I spotted Scott reach across to Adam. I guessed that they were holding hands, out of sight below the table.
Tony turned to Tristan and grinned.
“Chris isn’t Adam’s boyfriend. Scott is,” he announced.
“What?” Tristan asked in disbelief.
“It’s true,” Scott said softly. His grin had slipped. He then just looked determined, like he was daring Tristan to make an issue of it.
“How did you know?” Tristan asked his brother.
I mentally echoed the question. Tony had just met Scott and had already worked out he was Adam’s boyfriend. Randy had told me about gaydar, but I’d never seen it in action. I frowned as I wondered why, if gaydar was that good, Scott and Adam hadn’t worked it out about each other earlier.
“Scott said, ‘Welcome to the family.’ He’s not related to either Randy or Adam, at least as far as I know, so he had to mean something else. I’m guessing he’s read some of the same stories on the ‘net that I have. ‘Family’ is sometimes used to indicate other gay guys. So, when he said ‘family’, I picked him as being gay. That would make him Adam’s boyfriend, especially as the two of them have been hanging out together at school all week.”
I looked over at the Scott, who was nodding his head. Adam looked a little surprised, so the explanation was news to him, as it was to me. I felt a little better. One code word had made it possible for Tony to reach his conclusion, but it had only worked because Scott set himself up.
“Then…who are you?” Tristan asked Chris, looking and sounding confused.
“I’m here to do the same job as you,” Chris stated cryptically, before he took pity on Tristan by adding, “I’m Scott’s brother.”
“So, how old are you, Tony?” Randy asked, as he returned to the table with the first of the drinks.
“Thirteen.”
“Isn’t that a bit young to know you’re gay?” I asked.
I realised I’d put my foot in it again when Adam’s face went stormy. Tristan saved me, though.
“I’ve been that saying to him, too.”
Scott shook his head. “No, it’s not. I knew before then, though I didn’t have a name to put to it until later. Some people realise earlier than others. Thirteen isn’t too young.”
“Same here. I spent two years, from thirteen to fifteen, trying to prove myself wrong, but I couldn’t,” Adam said, his stormy look having dropped away.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been afraid that he was going to shoot me down, again, but when Tristan showed the same opinion, Adam must have realised I wasn’t being unreasonable.
“I knew it when I was twelve,” Randy said.
When everyone stared at him, he just looked back innocently. “What? I’ve known I’m attracted to girls since I was twelve. If I could work that out, surely a gay guy could know at the same age.”
He stared down at Tristan and asked, “When did you know you like girls?”
Tristan gave a short, sharp bark of laughter. “Okay, you win on that one. I knew around that age, too.
“Tony’s never had a girlfriend. Maybe he’s straight and just doesn’t know what he’s missing.” he suggested.
Tony snorted at Tristan’s comment, but kept quiet. From the way he crossed his arms and glared at his brother, it looked like that was a discussion they’d had before.
“Have you ever had a boyfriend, Tristan?” Scott asked. “If not, maybe you’re really gay and just don’t know it yet.”
Tristan opened his mouth, but closed it without saying anything. I could appreciate how he felt. Scott, by turning it around, had made it obvious that that argument wasn’t going to go anywhere.
Tristan’s eyebrows narrowed as he looked across at Adam and Scott. “What about the idea that it’s just a phase that some guys go through?”
Adam and Scott exchanged glances. Scott dropped his gaze to the table, while Adam sighed heavily and shook his head sadly.
“That idea can really mess us up,” Adam said. “I tried for two years to believe it, and just made more problems for myself.” He looked over at Tony. “Do you feel it’s a phase? Do you have any interest in girls?”
“No and no,” Tony replied firmly. “I know what I feel and I’m sure it’s not a phase.”
“What’s your position in all of this, Tristan?” Chris asked cautiously. “You’re here, so you care for your brother, but you’re sounding like you’re not sure about the whole thing.”
Tristan looked down. There was a long pause before he raised his head and answered.
“I don’t know what to think. He’s my brother, that’s number one. I just don’t understand this ‘gay’ thing and I can’t work out what it means.”
“It means I like guys,” Tony replied, exasperated. It was clear to me that he’d tried explaining that to Tristan many times before.
“It means he’s going to need his family to support him when outsiders get abusive,” Adam added.
“And friends to tell him there’s nothing wrong with him,” Randy stated, serious for a change.
“It means that, unless he’s lucky,” Scott said, flicking a smile at Adam, “he’s going to have trouble finding a partner.”
“And he’s going to have to put up with ignorant arseholes who yell abuse because they don’t know anything about gays,” I put in, thinking back to the fateful night when I found out about Adam.
“He runs the risk of losing friends and family because of something he has no control over,” Chris said quietly, “so keeping the ones he has is even more important to him.”
Tristan and Tony were looking wide-eyed at all of us, as their heads jerked around to catch whoever was speaking. They mustn’t have expected the responses they were getting.
“You had some issues on the religious side, too, didn’t you, Tristan,” I stated, rather than asked. “Did Sister Brenda help you there?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, she did. I’m still not sure, but I’m giving Tony the benefit of the doubt in that area.”
“Tristan, I’m glad you don’t understand this ‘gay thing’, as you call it,” Adam said. “You don’t want to. Can you imagine what it’s like to be constantly hiding a part of you that sets you apart from all your friends? To be so afraid of saying something that might reveal you’re gay that you try going too far the other way? Having to worry about which friends you’re going to lose when they finally learn the truth, and being desperate to keep that day as far away as possible, but always knowing that today could be that day?”
I caught the way his eyes flicked to me as he mentioned losing friends. I made a face, and then forced myself back into a neutral expression as I mentally crossed my fingers that I was fixing that mistake.
Scott was staring into space, his eyes unfocused. “To be so depressed by all of it that you sometimes wonder if life is still worth living? To actually have to go searching for something that makes you want to be alive?” he asked in a distant tone.
Adam and Chris both stiffened in shock when Scott said that. He’d said something similar when I’d chatted with him the night he came out to my family. I just hadn’t realised how bad it had been.
“Is that how you feel?” Tristan asked Tony quickly, almost panicky.
“No, but I know what he means. It’s never been that bad for me,” Tony answered with a shake of his head.
Scott turned and smiled at Adam, who looked like he wanted to ask something but was afraid to. “Those days are gone, now, Adam, but yes, I went through times like that. That’s why I’m fighting so hard to keep you in my life.”
“Fighting?” Tristan asked, perplexed at the strange reference.
Chris was gnawing at his lower lip, trying to work out if he should say anything. Scott noticed that and nodded permission to his brother.
“Scott came out to our parents a couple of days ago,” Chris explained. “His relationship with Adam is a bone of contention with our mum.”
“It’s also why Chris and I have spent the last two nights here,” Scott added, still smiling at Adam. “We’re hoping we’ll be going home later today.”
Adam leant forward, as if he was going to give Scott a kiss, but backed off when he realised where he was. Instead, he turned to look across the table at Tony and Tristan.
“All of that is why Scott was willing to come out to you and Tony today, Tristan. He’s willing to risk you outing him at school, so that Tony doesn’t have to go through some of the things we’ve been through. Tony needs to know there are other gay guys out there, and that he’s normal.”
“Gays aren’t the norm, but they’re still normal,” Randy stated firmly.
“That’s from one of your web sites, isn’t it?” I asked him.
“Well, they’re not mine, but yeah. It’s part of some notes on how to help your parents understand. A lot of people get confused between the norm and normal. Left-handed people aren’t the norm, but they’re normal. Gays are the same,” Randy explained.
Tristan nodded his head slowly. “Okay, that makes sense. Thanks, Randy.”
“How long have you been out to your brother, Tony?” Chris asked.
“A couple of months. I told him because I thought he’d understand.”
We all heard the hurt tone in his voice. When Tristan made a face and refused to make eye contact with anyone, I guessed how it’d turned out.
“If Tristan came up here to check us out first, then things must be going okay,” I said hesitantly.
“I found out about the phone call after he rang Randy,” Tristan growled through clenched teeth, glaring at his brother. “He didn’t give me a lot of choice in the matter.”
“I had to ring then, or I wouldn’t’ve had the nerve to do it later. It took me three tries before I did it, as it was! You didn’t have to come here; that was your decision.”
“As if I’d let you out yourself to someone without me being there, just in case! If I didn’t come with you, you would’ve just snuck off while my back was turned,” Tristan snapped.
“Easy, you two,” Chris said quickly. “It’s done and it looks like it’s all worked out fine in the end. Tristan, if you have problems or questions, you can talk to me. I’m in the same boat, having a gay brother, and I’ve known about Scott for around the same amount of time.”
There was a war of expressions on Tristan’s face as he stared at Chris. Chris just sat there patiently, waiting for Tristan’s response. Everyone else held their breath.
“Can you give me advice on obnoxious little brothers, too?”
Everyone cracked up at the wry tone with which Tristan asked his question.
Chris laughed. “Yeah, sure. Just don’t expect me to know what to do with them. Sometimes I think they should’ve been drowned at birth.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. I’m the one who has to put up with a big brother that snores so loudly he keeps everyone else in the house awake,” Scott complained.
“I don’t snore!” Chris growled.
“Yes, you do!” Randy and Scott chorused.
Everyone relaxed as the tension was broken.
I invited Tristan and Tony to stay for lunch, but they decided against it. Tristan said he already had a lot to think about. Tony looked disappointed, but he didn’t contradict his brother. I showed Tristan where he could have a quick shower, and then I returned to the others.
While his brother was gone, Tony turned to Randy. “Do you mind if I start hanging out with you and your friends at school?” he asked eagerly.
Randy hesitated and flicked a concerned glance to the others around the table.
“That may not be a good idea for now,” Adam said. “Wait until things calm down. We don’t want you to get caught up in anything.”
“Randy will be there to make sure I don’t get hurt,” Tony pointed out.
“I can’t be there in your classes,” Randy said. “Anyway, if you start hanging out with me, some people will suspect you’re gay.”
“But… I am!”
“Yeah, but we don’t want everyone to know it, do we?” Randy pointed out gently.
Tony’s face fell. “I suppose not,” he muttered. He then brightened. “What about going to a movie together, though? That’d be okay, wouldn’t it?”
“Maybe,” Randy replied, looking uncomfortable.
“I don’t see a problem with you and Tristan going to see a movie with all of us,” Scott said, a faint grin playing across his face.
“What’s this about movies?” Tristan asked as he came back in, looking refreshed and more relaxed.
“Tony was just asking about going out,” Adam explained. “We’ve already told him it wouldn’t be a good idea to hang out around us at school, at least not yet.”
“Too right!” Tristan stated forcefully. He stared down at his brother. “Are you trying to get yourself into trouble?”
“Randy won’t let anyone pick on me,” Tony blustered back.
“But it’s still not a good idea,” I added. “Wait a few weeks, at least, and let’s see how things go.”
“Okay,” Tony sighed, getting to his feet. “Randy, will you show me where I can have a shower?” he asked, picking up his backpack.
While Tony was gone, I asked a question that had been bothering me.
“Tristan, Tony rang back on Wednesday night to talk to Adam. Did you know about that beforehand?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
“If you were that concerned, why did you let him ring?”
He gave a short, bitter laugh. “As if I could’ve stopped him.”
Sighing, he looked over at Adam before continuing. “However, I didn’t mind. I know you, Adam, and, strange as it may sound, I trust you. I don’t understand you, but I don’t understand my brother, either. If he needs to talk to someone, as he keeps telling me, I’m happy for that person to be you.” After pausing for a moment, he added, “And, you too, Scott.”
“Thanks, Tristan,” Adam replied simply. He didn’t really need to say anything more.
We talked for another hour before they left. It was clear to me that while Tristan wanted to protect and help his brother, he was still uncertain about his being gay. He seemed keen for Adam and Scott to be good role models for Tony, expressing concern about what sort of life Tony would be living as he grew up. There was only one thing that spoiled Tony and Tristan’s visit, and Randy mentioned it as soon as they had left.
“Adam, Scott, I need your help. I think Tony’s got a crush on me, and I don’t know how to let him down gently.”
Chris grinned. “You think so?” he asked sarcastically. “What gave it away? The constant ‘Randy said it, so it must be true’, in all its variations, or the ‘Are you sure you’re not gay, Randy?’, or was it the ‘Can I hang around with you Randy? Just the two of us?’ Or was it something else?”
“This is serious, Chris,” Randy shot back. “I don’t want to hurt him.”
Chris relented. “Okay, how would you handle it if he was a girl?”
“The idea’s the same, Giant,” Scott said. “Just make sure it’s clear you’re only friends, and don’t confuse him by crossing that line.”
“Of course, you could just give in to the inevitable,” Adam suggested with a grin.
“Don’t even joke about that!” I exclaimed. “Giant’s not gay and Tony doesn’t need to get messed up.”
Adam scowled at me for a second, before relaxing into a wry smile. “Yeah, you’re right, David. Sorry, Giant.”
Randy waved a hand to dismiss the apology. “I just need to be careful, I suppose. It’ll be easier if I don’t spend too much time with him,” he mused.
“I think we convinced him not to hang around you at school,” I said, a little uncertainly. “We’ve put him off for a few weeks. He might be over it by then.”
“Maybe you can ask Maria for advice,” Adam suggested, ingeniously.
I kept my grin to myself. If Maria did have a crush on Randy, that would get her going. There’s nothing like the suggestion of a rival to make someone act.
“But I can’t tell her about Tony,” Randy pointed out.
“No, but you can say that someone is hitting on you and you want advice on how to let them down without hurting their feelings,” Adam replied.
I could see the risk that Maria might think Randy was referring to her, but I doubted that was likely. As far as I could tell, she hadn’t made her feelings obvious, assuming Mary’s comments were correct in the first place.
We continued to talk about Tony and Tristan until Dad came home. When he asked a question about the state of the house, we realised that we hadn’t tidied up in preparation for the arrival of Scott’s parents that afternoon. We spent the rest of the morning cleaning the lounge room and making things neat and tidy.
Lunch was rushed. We didn’t have a lot of time before the Wilsons showed up, so everyone just grabbed whatever they wanted.
Scott and Chris went outside to welcome their parents. The rest of us, including Adam, stayed inside. Adam and I couldn’t resist looking out the window. Mr. Wilson gave Chris and Scott warm handshakes, but I thought Mrs. Wilson’s greeting to Scott looked too formal. If there’d been an improvement overnight, it wasn’t immediately apparent.
When they came inside, Mum and Dad said hello and started to take them into the lounge room, but Mr. Wilson stopped them.
“I don’t think this will be necessary, Kevin, Yvonne. While there’s a lot to talk about, we don’t think here is an appropriate place to do that. We do have a few things to say, though.”
He turned to Chris and Scott. His face was set in a gentle smile.
“We love you both and we want both of you to be happy. There will be times when we’ll say something to upset you, and we’d like to apologise in advance. This is going to take us some time to get used to, and we just ask that you be patient.”
Mr. Wilson peered at Scott. He looked stern.
“We’ve discussed things in great depth and we’ve decided that we have to accept that Adam is part of your life, for the moment. We won’t stop you from seeing him, but there are some rules we need you to observe when he’s visiting in our home.”
He paused and gave his wife a sidewise glance. Her tightly-pressed lips and narrowed eyes indicated her disapproval of the whole situation, but she stayed silent. Mr. Wilson turned back to Scott. Scott was looking relieved at the news that he’d still be able to see Adam, and that Adam would be able to come to visit.
“The first is that while you’re together in our home, we don’t want any overt signs of affection. No holding hands, no kissing, no cuddling. You are to act like two good mates, like you have in the past.
“Next, whenever the two of you are in your room, we want the door to be kept open at all times.
“We also want no discussion of homosexual matters in front of us unless we ask. You can talk about it between yourselves, and with Chris, if he doesn’t mind, but we don’t want you pushing it in our faces.
“Lastly, we don’t want the rest of the family to know. You are not to say anything to your cousins, aunts or uncles, is that clear?”
Scott’s relieved look was slowly being wiped off his face with each instruction. By the time his dad had finished speaking, his expression was one of stubborn defiance.
Adam started to say something, but Scott stopped him.
“You’re just trying to make things impossible for me and Adam, aren’t you?” he accused.
His dad shook his head. “No, Scott, we’re not. What we are trying to do is to give ourselves time to understand and accept. You have to let us work this out at our own pace.”
“Those rules don’t apply to Chris when he brings a girlfriend home!”
“They will from now on,” Mr. Wilson replied, startling everyone.
“Now, Phil...” Mrs. Wilson started to say something, but her husband turned to her.
“Carol, if these rules are fair to Scott, they’re fair to Chris,” he stated firmly. “If they’re unfair to Chris, they’re unfair to Scott. We have two sons, and we will treat them as two sons. Not one gay son and one straight son, but our two sons.”
“You mean that now, when I bring a girlfriend home, I can’t even hug her or give her a goodnight kiss?” Chris asked in disbelief.
“That’s correct.”
“That’s not fair!”
“If Scott can’t kiss his boyfriend, you can’t kiss your girlfriend,” Mr. Wilson stated firmly.
“If that’s the way you’re going to be, don’t expect me to bring anyone else home,” Chris said heatedly. He glared at his brother. “Nice one, Scott,” he added in a sour tone.
I thought I knew what Mr. Wilson was doing. Mrs. Wilson must’ve come up with the instructions, but had never dreamt her husband would apply them to Chris. By doing so, he was forcing her to back down. It might not happen immediately, but sooner or later she’d have to relax her rules. When I looked over at Scott, he seemed calmer, though still defiant. He knew that things would change. Until then, the rules at our house were more reasonable. I expected to see a lot of Scott in the coming weeks.
“Why can’t you just let us be ourselves?” Scott asked sullenly. “With these rules, what makes you think I want to come home?”
Mrs. Wilson gasped. I tensed up and I think everyone else did, too. Scott had just raised the stakes, and I wasn’t sure it was a smart thing to do.
“How long have you known you’re gay, son?” Mr. Wilson asked gently.
The sudden change in direction threw Scott off balance.
“A couple of years, maybe three,” he replied, hesitantly, as if he was wondering if that was a trick question.
“They why didn’t you tell us back then?” his dad asked, still in that soft, gentle tone.
“I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t sure,” Scott admitted. “I was afraid of how you’d react,” he finished, glowering.
“So, you’ve had two or three years to get used to the idea. We’ve had two nights. We need more time, son, and these rules are to give us that time.
“We still have a lot to talk about, but don’t I think we should do that here. We’d like you to come home now, son,” Mr. Wilson said gently and lovingly. His strong feelings for Scott were shining through.
“Am I permitted to say goodbye to my boyfriend first?” Scott asked bitterly.
“Of course,” Mr. Wilson replied with a nod and a smile.
“Come on, Adam. Let’s go outside where we can kiss without someone fainting in disgust,” Scott said, turning away.
“Scott!” my dad said suddenly, anger showing in his face and voice.
Scott stopped and looked over at Dad in surprise. He hadn’t expected my dad to intervene. Neither had I, especially in front of Scott’s parents.
“There are two things this household is based on. They are trust and respect. If you can’t show respect for the other people in this house, and that includes your parents when they are visiting, then don’t expect us to show respect in return. Unless you want us to enforce the same rules in this house that your parents have imposed for your home, you will behave as a mature young gentleman, and not a spiteful brat who’s upset because something hasn’t gone his way.”
Dad’s threat hit home. Scott didn’t say anything, but his pale complexion showed his understanding. He just nodded his head and silently led Adam out of the room.
“Scott...” Mr. Wilson started, as his son disappeared, but Dad interrupted him.
“Let him go, Phil,” he said quietly. “I think he’s learnt his lesson.”
I heard the door to the veranda open and close, so I knew they’d headed outside. They’d have some degree of privacy out there.
“So, what are they permitted to do here?” Mrs Wilson asked, frosty disapproval shining through in every line of her face.
Mum looked at her calmly, almost sympathetically.
“Exactly the same things as David and Randy. We don’t distinguish between them,” she answered. “Just like you aren’t distinguishing between Scott and Chris.”
“Humph,” Mrs. Wilson snorted, but she didn’t say anything else.
Mum, Dad and Mr. Wilson started chatting about various things while waiting for Adam and Scott to return. Mrs. Wilson maintained a cold silence until Chris spoke to her.
“Umm... Mum? About these rules...” Chris began hesitantly.
She smiled gently, completely transforming her face. “Don’t worry about it, Chris. We won’t really make you follow them.”
He shook his head. “No, Dad’s right. If they apply to Scott, then they apply to me. That wasn’t what I meant. It’s just that I’ve got a date tomorrow night, and I was going to bring her around before we go out, but I can’t now. It’s not that I don’t want you to meet her, but I don’t want to risk upsetting her by not showing affection in my own home.”
His tone had started out apologetic, but there was a steel edge to it when he finished. He was making it quite clear whose side he was on, and what he thought about the rules.
Mrs. Wilson scowled at Chris and turned away. She knew what he was doing. If, as I suspected, her husband also thought the rules were too harsh, then she was going to be under a lot of pressure to relax them.
I was making drinks for everyone, with Randy hovering nearby.
“Uh-oh,” he said suddenly. “This could be trouble.”
I turned and saw him staring out the kitchen window.
“What is it?” I asked.
“B1 and B2 are on their way. They’ll be here in a couple of minutes.”
He and I exchanged worried glances. I made a quick decision.
“I’ll get Adam and Break. You delay the twins,” I told my brother.
As I passed him, I saw my dad nodding his approval. I quickly stepped out onto the veranda. After hesitating a moment to think, I slammed the door behind me.
“Adam?” I called out, louder than necessary. “Are you out here? B1 and B2 have come to say hello.”
I cautiously walked around the corner of the house. I found Adam and Scott busy checking each other, as if they were making sure that there was no sign of whatever it was they’d just been doing.
Adam looked at me as I approached. He seemed panicky. “Where are they?” he whispered quickly.
“On their way up the driveway. We’re lucky. Yesterday’s rains must’ve made the paddocks too muddy. If they’d cut cross-country, like they normally do, they would’ve spotted you two. If we move fast, we can all be inside before they get here.”
Scott and Adam both nodded. “Thanks, Stick,” Scott said.
We beat the twins by less than a minute. They came in, accompanied by Randy.
“Hi, guys,” Brett said cheerfully as soon as he saw us. “I hope we haven’t come at a bad time, but since there’s no game today we were hoping for a bit of practise.”
I looked over at the Wilsons and my parents, unsure of what to say.
“We were just leaving,” Mr. Wilson said. “It was nice seeing you again, Kevin, Yvonne.”
He paused and looked over at where Scott was standing. With the stress he’d been going through over the last couple of days, Scott was having trouble controlling his emotions. His anger was still shining through.
“If Chris is willing to wait, why don’t you join the others, Scott? Just don’t be too late. We have things to do at home,” Mr. Wilson suggested.
Scott looked surprised, then grinned. “Thanks, Dad!” He turned to Chris and asked, “Is that okay?”
Chris smiled. “Sure, Scott. I can stick around for maybe an hour or so.”
“Okay, I’ll go get changed,” Scott replied, clearly happy as he headed off to my room.
“We’d better get changed, too,” Randy said to Adam and me.
“We’ll meet you outside,” Brian said.
When I got to my room, Scott was standing there, frowning.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“How are we going to explain the bags to the twins?”
I thought for a second.
“You’ve got a few options. You could just say that you stayed the night, sleeping in my room. Chris might be able to sneak the bags to his car while the twins aren’t looking, or you can just leave them here until the next time you visit. There’s nothing in them that you really need, is there?”
“I suppose not. The last option is probably the simplest,” he said, before grinning. “It also gives me an excuse to come back again, soon.”
We played three-on-three for an hour. Simple, clean exercise always helps clear my mind and gives me a break from any stress that I’m feeling. From the way we settled into our old routine, I thought everyone else was the same. We were disappointed when Chris walked out and announced it was time for Scott to go. The twins headed off at the same time.
I then started getting ready for the night. It would be like a first date again, only worse. I took so much time that I became concerned I was going to be late. Dad took pity on me and drove me down to Eastland in Ringwood. He warned me, though, that getting home was my responsibility.
I waited outside the cinema for twenty anxious minutes before I finally saw Liz coming towards me. I smiled with relief and moved forward to intercept her.
I took a gamble and opened my arms to offer her a hug, and she accepted it.
“Glad to see you,” I murmured in her ear, as I enjoyed our first embrace since we’d had our fight.
“Me, too,” she whispered back.
Reluctantly letting her go, I smiled down at her. “What do you want to see?”
“Honestly? Nothing.”
My surprise must’ve shown, as she grinned up at me. “I just want the company. I don’t care what we see.”
We headed in and started looking at the options available to us. We were close to picking a movie when Liz suddenly frowned.
“What are you doing here?” she asked accusingly.
I turned to see who she was talking to. Trevor was standing there, scowling at me.
“I’ve come to see a movie,” he replied to his sister, though his glare never left me.
“Hi, Trev,” I said, trying to be polite. I offered him a hand, which he ignored.
“Hi, wanker,” he growled.
“Trevor, I’ve told you to butt out. I’m capable of making my own decisions, and I don’t need you telling me what to do,” Liz stated firmly.
Trevor shrugged. “I’ve given up on that. I’m not here to tell you you’re making a mistake. You’ll have to work that one out on your own. I’m just here to watch a movie. I’m allowed, aren’t I?”
“All right then, what are you going to see?” Liz asked, suspicious.
“I don’t know yet. What are you going to watch?” he asked cunningly.
“Why can’t you just leave us alone, Trev?” I asked him, getting angry. When Liz stepped close to me, I slipped an arm across her shoulders. Her arm around my waist showed I’d made the right move.
Trevor leant forward, trying to use his bulk to intimidate me. “Listen, wanker. I can’t stop my sister from seeing you, but there’s nothing that says I have to approve or to make your life easy. I don’t want her to make the same mistake again, and that’s what you are: a mistake.”
I started to say something, then rejected the idea. Despite everything, he was still Liz’s brother. If things worked out, I’d be seeing a lot of him in the future. I couldn’t afford to burn too many bridges.
“Come on, Liz,” I said, turning my back on Trevor. “Let’s pick a movie.”
My suspicions were confirmed when Trevor bought a ticket to the same movie we picked. I expected that he would be sitting near us, no matter where we were.
“Trust me,” Liz whispered as we waited for the current session to finish. I looked at her for a moment and she gave me a wink, tilting of her head slightly towards her brother.
I didn’t know what she planned, but I nodded my acceptance.
When the crowd streamed out, I knew it wouldn’t be long before we’d be able to go in. We just had to wait for the theatre to be cleaned.
“Come on!” Liz said suddenly, grabbing me by the hand.
I followed, but I didn’t know what was happening.
“Trevor’s gone to the men’s room. Now’s our chance to escape,” she explained quickly, as we headed for the nearest exit.
Just before we left, I gently pulled her to a stop. She looked surprised, and then glanced anxiously over her shoulder.
“Just a sec,” I said, and headed to a group of kids who had just entered.
“Excuse me, but I heard you say what you wanted to see. Here’s two tickets for it. Have fun!”
With that, I forced the tickets into one kid’s hand and then headed out of the cinema with Liz.
“That was nice, Stick”
I shrugged. “Someone should enjoy them. There’s no need to just throw them away.”
She paused and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now, let’s find somewhere to hide.”
While I regretted the wasted money, the whole point of the night out was to spend time with Liz. I wouldn’t have been able to do that with Trevor breathing down our necks, probably literally, so the money would’ve been wasted, anyway.
We ended up sitting in the back of a coffee shop for a couple of hours. Liz soon found out that I was short of cash. She insisted on helping to pay for the coffee and sweets we ordered and I reluctantly had to accept.
We giggled together at what Trevor’s reaction might’ve been when he realised we’d given him the slip.
“You know, I’m going to have to thank your brother the next time I see him,” I remarked absently.
“Why?” Liz asked.
“His showing up broke the ice. I’m not sure we’d be chatting like this if he hadn’t forced us.”
She giggled again. “You’re probably right. I didn’t know what he had planned when he offered to give me a lift here tonight. When he came into the cinema, I saw red. I couldn’t stand the idea of him forcing himself on me as a chaperone. I’m sixteen; I don’t need one!”
She paused, then leant over and gave me a light kiss on the lips.
“Thanks for giving those tickets away. That was the Stick I originally fell in love with.”
I shrugged, embarrassed. “It was nothing,” I muttered.
We had to duck down at one point, when Liz spotted her brother passing by the shop, but we had the rest of the night to ourselves. By the time we both regretfully agreed it was time to go home, I knew Liz and I were back to where we had been. I suspected we’d still have the occasional rocky time, but we were solid.
We took the train back to Lilydale. We made the trip in silence, but that was because we were enjoying each other’s company and just didn’t need to speak. Liz rested the back of her head on my chest as I sat in the corner of the seat with my arms wrapped around her. There was a cocoon of warm quietness around us that neither of us wanted to break.
Liz finally spoke as the trained was pulling into Lilydale station.
“You know, I feel sorry for Adam. It’s unlikely he’ll ever be able to do this without being abused,” she murmured.
“Yeah. You’re probably right, though if his friends are around, hopefully he’ll be able to relax. I can’t imagine what it could be like to not be able to show someone that you care for them.”
Mrs. Wilson’s rules suddenly seemed a lot harsher than I’d first imagined. Rather than making me angry they made me sad, and also thankful for what I was enjoying with Liz. At least Adam and Scott would be able to be themselves in our home.
I had a small argument with Liz outside the train station.
“I can walk, Stick. I’m not an invalid,” she said, starting to get cross at my insistence on escorting her home.
“It’s more than thirty minutes’ walk from here, and it’s cold,” I pointed out. “And Trev is likely to be waiting outside for you, if I know him.”
She giggled. “Probably. That’ll serve him right.”
“So, can I take you home in a taxi?”
She thought about it for a couple of seconds before giving up. “Okay, David,” she said, giving me a kiss.
There were two taxis waiting, and we climbed into the back of the first.
“Where to?” the driver asked.
I gave him Liz’s address and then added mine.
He frowned. “That’s a long trip. Have you got the money for that?”
“Sure,” I said, snuggling up with Liz in the back seat.
“I’m sorry, but can you prove it? We’re allowed to ask for proof,” he said, pointing to a sticker indicating the conditions of fare.
I reluctantly let go of Liz and pulled out my wallet to show the driver the last of my cash. He hesitated a moment, then nodded his head and started the engine.
The trip was too short. As we turned into Liz’s street, I asked the driver to pull over.
Just in case Trevor really was waiting outside, I wanted to properly say goodnight to Liz. She reluctantly got out of the taxi about five minutes later.
“I’ll walk from here, Stick, just in case,” she said. “I’ve had a really good night. Thanks.”
“I have, too,” I replied quietly, grudgingly allowing her to leave.
“Night, David.”
“Night, Liz.”
I slumped back in the seat as I watched her walk down towards her house.
The driver started to pull away, but I quickly asked him to wait. I explained that I just wanted to make sure she got home safely. He smiled condescendingly, but didn’t say anything.
As soon as Liz disappeared from sight, I told the driver we could go. I reconfirmed my address and then just gazed mindlessly out the window.
The intermittent moonlight peeking through the clouds gave fields and vineyards a mystical feel as I watched them pass by. At some point the driver had switched on the radio and soft, romantic music was playing in the background, and that completed the mood for me.
When the driver pulled over to the side of the road, I dragged myself out of my happy-dazed state to look at him.
“Sorry, kid. Your money’s just run out,” he said, pointing to the meter. “It’s probably a twenty minute walk to your place from here. Are you going to be all right?”
I glanced outside to see where we were. My house was more than thirty minutes away, but walking that far wouldn’t be a problem.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” I replied, as I dug out my wallet and handed over my money. I was broke, but the night had been worth it.
Getting out, I took a deep breath as the cold of the night hit me. Shivering, I pulled my jacket tight and started to walk.
Striding out, I wasn’t even annoyed when a light, misty rain began to fall. My clothes may have been getting soaked, but my spirits were still on a high. The exercise in the clear air also helped, refreshing and cleansing at the same time.
I got home well after my curfew. The kitchen light had been left on, but there wasn’t anyone around. I guessed Mum had done that, so I’d see where I was going when I came in. As I headed off for a warm shower before bed, I glanced across at my parents’ bedroom door. There was a faint light coming from underneath, which went out while I looked. One or both of them had been staying up to make sure I arrived home safely. Despite it being late, they didn’t come out to see me. I was sure I’d be questioned the next morning, but for the moment they were giving me my privacy.
The trust they were showing just capped off a brilliant evening.
“You were in late last night,” Dad remarked as I sat down for breakfast.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be,” I replied cautiously.
Having recently been grounded, I didn’t want to get into trouble again. I was prepared to argue if I had to, but I decided to wait to see what Dad said.
“Did anything happen to make you late?” he asked neutrally.
I hesitated for a moment and then simply told the truth.
“I ran out of money for the taxi, so I had to walk the last thirty minutes. The driver checked to make sure I was okay to walk before I got out, which I though was pretty good of him.”
Dad nodded. “Fair enough. I think it’s time we got you and Randy prepaid mobile phones for emergencies. I’d prefer to come out and pick you up, or know why you’re late, than to be left wondering.”
He returned his attention to his plate of food, effectively ending the conversation. I was surprised and pleased. Pleased that I wasn’t getting into trouble for coming in after curfew, and surprised about the mobiles. Dad has always been ultra-conservative on that subject. I’ve never managed to work out why, but it looked like he was softening.
Adam and Randy showed up soon afterwards. While Adam starting cooking some eggs, Randy reversed one of the chairs, sat down, crossed his arms over the back, and stared at me.
“Okay, spill!” he demanded. “How did it go?”
I gave him a goofy grin. I tried not to, but I couldn’t stop it.
“Really good,” I replied in an understatement. “No, absolutely fantastic! It was the best night ever!”
“Well? What happened?” Randy insisted.
I gave them a short summary of the night, on the assumption they really didn’t need a thirty-minute, blow-by-blow description of what actually occurred. I skipped over the reason why we didn’t see a movie and just told them that we decided to let Trevor see one by himself.
Mum was watching me as I talked. She had a faint smile on her face. When I looked over at her, she turned away and busied herself in one of the cupboards.
“What time do you think you’ll be home from Mary’s house?” Mum asked, after I’d finished.
Randy, Adam and I looked at one another. Randy shrugged and Adam looked helplessly at me. None of us had any idea.
“Not sure,” I said. “Scott will be there, so maybe we can get a ride back with Chris.”
“We’d already guessed that,” Dad replied dryly. “We were more wondering if you’d be home for dinner.”
“Probably,” Randy said, “but you’d better make it a late one.”
“In that case, you can reheat something from the freezer,” Mum replied. “Your dad and I are going out for an early dinner. We won’t be late, but we may not be here when you get back.”
“If you need a lift home, make sure you ring us before three,” Dad added. He pulled out his wallet and handed me a ten-dollar note. “Just in case you catch the bus,” he explained.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said appreciatively.
My parents were being a lot less strict than they had been in the past. I wondered if they were finally accepting that I was able to make my own decisions. I looked over at Adam. I suspected that it was something to do with him, but I wasn’t sure. Certainly, the change in attitude had happened since his arrival.
I mentally shrugged. It didn’t really matter. They were treating me more as an adult, and I wasn’t going to argue.
We finished our breakfast and got ready for church. I took the easy option of wearing clothes that were at the low end of what Mum would find acceptable for church, and at the upper end of what I’d want to wear out. That way I wouldn’t have to get changed before we went to Mary’s place. When I left my room, I saw that Adam and Randy had done the same.
The way things went at church was almost a repeat of the previous week. The sermon was, predictably, on the resurrection, but the minister was clearly staring at Adam when he emphasised that the Easter message is for all of us. He didn’t say anything specific, but it was apparent to me that he was including homosexuals in that statement.
We didn’t stay long after the service, but a number of people came up to speak to Adam and to ask him how he was. A couple of them seemed cautious and avoided a lot of eye contact, but most treated him as just another teenager. Even the two that appeared uncomfortable still made the effort to say hello.
We were all in a good mood when Dad dropped us off at Mary’s house. Randy, being his usual boisterous self, led the way up the path. Adam followed and I brought up the rear, carrying the cake.
Gary answered the door. “G’day, guys. You’re the first ones here,” he said as he ushered us in. “We’re going to be out the back.”
“Is Mary’s mum here?” I asked, looking around.
The house was neat and clean. Our house is normally clean, but neatness is a state that it only sees on special occasions that usually involve visits from friends of Mum and Dad.
“She’s in the kitchen,” Gary replied, pointing to a door off the living room.
“Come on,” Randy said, heading in that direction. Adam, Gary and I followed.
Mary’s mum was checking something in the oven when we entered.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Bryant,” Randy said. “Thanks for having us around.”
“You’re welcome...” she replied, her voice fading away.
“Randy,” my brother said. Turning, he indicated Adam and me. “And this is Adam and David.”
Mrs. Bryant smiled. “Hi, boys.”
“Hi,” Adam said hesitantly.
“Hello, Mrs. Bryant,” I said, stepping forward. “We’ve brought you a cake.”
I put the cake box on a bench nearby.
“Thanks, David,” she said. She didn’t move to check it, though. Instead, she smiled at Adam. “Mary’s told me some of what you’ve been going through, Adam. I just want to say you’re welcome here at any time.”
“Hey, that’s not fair,” Gary protested. “I’ve got restrictions on when I can be here, but he gets to come over at any time?”
“You’re not allowed here while Mary’s got homework to do, as she wouldn’t get it done. I don’t think Adam will distract her as much as you do,” Mrs. Bryant pointed out with a smile.
“That’s not my fault,” Gary retorted with a grin.
“No, but you still have to live with the consequences,” she said. “Now, how about you take everyone outside, so I can finish fixing you boys something to eat?”
“Okay,” Gary said. He turned and waved us on. “We’re having lunch in the pergola out the back.”
Outside, we found ourselves in a very small back yard. At least that’s the way it felt to me, but I’m used to wide-open spaces. I have the same reaction when I visit any of our friends who live on standard housing blocks.
There was a decent sized pergola in one corner of the yard, with some sort of vine growing up each of the eight main posts. An octagonal wooden table occupied the middle. Mary was busy putting things on the table as we approached.
“You’re early!” she said, as we joined her.
I shrugged. “Dad dropped us off after church. We can help set up, if you like.”
“No, I think we’re just about done,” she replied, frowning down at the table. Lifting her gaze, she gave us all a warm smile.
“I’m glad you could all make it,” she said. “Have a seat and Gary’ll get you something to drink.”
“We’ve got soft drinks, fruit juice and water,” Gary announced, before lowering his voice. “I tried to sneak in some beers, but I got stopped.”
“And a good thing I did, too,” Mary stated. “I want to have people around again, but I won’t be able to if Gary abuses my mum’s hospitality.”
Gary reddened as he grinned nervously at his girlfriend. He quickly took our drink orders and headed back into the house.
We chatted with Mary about what she’d been doing over the long weekend. The conversation shifted to football when Gary returned, only to stop when we heard the doorbell ring.
“I’ll get it,” Gary shouted, getting to his feet.
“I’ll come with you,” I said. “I need another drink.”
I went to the kitchen while Gary headed to the front door. I’d just asked Mrs. Bryant for a jug that I could fill with water and take back out with me, when I heard Gary greet the new visitor.
“G’day, Scott. Are you okay? You look shocking!”
There was a muttered reply that I couldn’t make out. I headed over to the doorway.
“Well, come on out the back and join the others. Maybe all you need is some fresh air,” Gary suggested to Scott.
“Hi, Scott, Chris,” I said.
Scott looked exhausted. There seemed to be a tension present that drained his energy. He had a bunch of flowers for Mary’s mum, but they were held low, almost forgotten. As he trudged past, barely acknowledging me, I noticed that Chris seemed concerned.
“What’s wrong with him?” I whispered to Chris once Scott and Gary were out of earshot.
“He had a big fight with our parents last night and another one this morning. I don’t think he got a lot of sleep,” Chris whispered, eyes fixed on his brother’s back. “If it wasn’t a chance to get out of the house, I doubt he would’ve come today.”
He glanced over at me. “Keep on eye on him, Stick. He’s running on empty and he might snap if he gets a bit more stressed.”
I nodded. Scott had been through a lot in the previous few days. I hoped that getting out amongst friends, especially Adam, might give him some balance and a chance to relax.
“I’ll be back to pick him up at about four,” Chris said as he turned to go.
“Is there any chance you could give the rest of us a lift home?”
He looked back at me and then glanced in the direction where Scott had disappeared.
“Yeah, sure. I think going to your place might be a good idea, anyway.”
Chris waved and headed out to his car. I returned to the kitchen, filled the jug with water, and then headed back outside. I mentally crossed my fingers that Scott would be able to get through the afternoon.
He seemed a bit better when I rejoined everyone. He was sitting next to Adam. I sensed he wanted to collapse against his boyfriend, but had to restrain himself. He still didn’t look great, but he had a half-smile on his lips and was participating in the conversation, if only sparingly.
Liz showed up about ten minutes later. I stood up and give her a quick kiss before seating her on my right. She slipped her hand into mine beneath the table, but otherwise just joined in the chat.
Mary’s mum had prepared several trays of finger food, so we spent the next hour eating, talking and generally having a good time. Once he’d finished eating, Randy began rocking his chair onto its back legs, a bad habit of his when he’s trying to stretch out.
We all thanked Mrs. Bryant on her last trip out to see us, as she helped Gary and Mary collect the empty plates and take them inside.
When Gary and Mary came back, Mary sat down, but Gary just stood there nervously.
“Uhm… Adam?” he started, dragging everyone’s attention to himself. “I know I’ve said some of this to you over the last couple of weeks, but I want to apologise for the way my mum and I treated you that night you stayed with us. I should’ve known better and I just want to say we’re sorry. Mum says you’re welcome in our home at any time, though she’s still not sure about you staying the night.”
“What about you?” Randy challenged. “Would you be comfortable having Ads stay the night?”
Gary grinned and sat down. “Yeah, I would. Stick and I talked about it a couple of weeks ago and I’m cool with the whole idea. Ads is a good friend and I’m ashamed that I didn’t treat him right when he needed me.”
“Thanks, Gazza,” Adam said. “That means a lot to me.”
That upset me, but I was careful not to let it show. I’d been apologising for ages, and he hadn’t said anything like that to me. Scott had told me that it was because I’d really hurt Adam with what I’d said, and to just give him time, but it was beginning to annoy me that he didn’t seem to accept that I was sorry for what I did.
A gentle squeeze of my hand reminded me that there was someone there that I have trouble keeping secrets from. I forced myself to relax, and gave Liz a soft smile.
“I still don’t understand it, though, Adam,” Gary continued. He grinned at Mary and put his arm around her. “How can you not want someone like this?”
“I like Mary, but just not in that way. I just don’t have…” Adam struggled to find the words to convey what he was trying to say. “…the same reaction as you do. She’s a great person, but there’s no chemistry there.”
“So, who does give you that sort of reaction?”
“Gary!” Mary exclaimed.
“What?”
“You don’t ask things like that!”
“Why not? He’s just another guy. He knows what I mean.”
“It’s okay, Mary,” Adam said, while his face was going pink. “I like someone with a trim body. Not overly muscular, but just in good proportions. I prefer someone shorter than me, too. I think that’s because I’d like to hold him in my arms, more than the other way around.”
Scott was looking away. He seemed uncomfortable with the conversation. Adam had been very careful not to look at his boyfriend sitting next to him, but it was clear to me who he was talking about.
“But that’s only a physical attraction. I also want a friend, someone I can spend quality time with. I don’t see that as being any different to you.”
Gary and Mary exchanged smiles. Liz and I did the same. I gave her hand a squeeze and she leant against my shoulder for a moment. I knew what Adam meant, and I knew he was right. His relationship with Scott, while different in many ways, had the same emotional attachment that I shared with Liz.
“Okay, I can see that,” Gary said. “But you’re so…limited…in what you can do. You and another guy just don’t have the right parts to do things properly.”
“Gary!” Mary repeated, showing her exasperation.
“What did I do now?”
“You can discuss this with Adam in private. I don’t want to hear it, understand?”
Gary shrugged. “Well, okay, but how am I supposed to know how to treat him right if I don’t have some of the details?”
“If he wants to tell you, fine, but I don’t need to know.”
Liz whispered in my ear, “That goes for me, too.”
Randy laughed and rocked back in his chair again. “Just treat him as another guy, Gazza. Why do you need to know more?”
“Well, that’s fine while he’s single, but what am I supposed to do when he finds himself a boyfriend? I need to know what I can talk about, don’t I?”
“Just treat them as two guys, most of the time, and give them the privacy they deserve when they want to be a couple,” I suggested.
“I suppose so,” Gary mused. “That brings up the subject of boyfriends. How are you going to go about finding one, Ads?”
Adam went red and looked away. Scott just sat there staring down at the table.
“I’ll worry about that later,” Adam muttered. “Can we drop the subject, please?”
Gary shrugged and looked at Scott.
“You know, Break,” Gary said idly, “David and I have girlfriends, but you don’t. Some people are going to think any unattached guy who hangs around with Adam could be his boyfriend. You don’t really want them to do that, do you?”
“You’re right, I don’t want people to know,” Scott sighed.
I sat up straight, in shock. Randy tried to do the same, but he’d rocked too far back and his chair toppled over backwards. That turned out to be lucky, as it drew all the attention to him and away from Scott, who’d gone pale when he realised what he’d said.
Adam and I looked around, but everyone else was watching Randy pick himself up.
“I’m okay,” my brother announced as he stood up. His shirt was all wet from the drink he’d spilt when he fell over.
“The first time in years, if that’s the case,” I said, trying to move the conversation off what we’d been discussing.
“Well, it’s the first time in years that I’ve had an elder brother I can respect,” he retorted, grinning at Adam.
“Just as well you didn’t say ‘look up to’, because no one would believe that,” Adam replied. “Thanks for the compliment, though.”
“Are you sure you’re okay, Giant?” Gary asked.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Gary, why don’t you go inside and get a cloth and a towel so Randy can clean his shirt,” Mary suggested.
“Okay.”
As soon as Gary left, Mary turned to Scott. She chewed on her lower lip before looking over the rest of us. I tried to school my expression into one that wouldn’t reveal how worried I was. A quick glance around showed that Adam and Randy were also concerned. Liz was frowning faintly, staring at Scott. It was clear both she and Mary had heard what Scott had said. The question was whether or not they were going to say anything.
Mary broke the silence. “Should we forget what you just said, Scott?”
Scott dropped his face into his hands. No one said anything for several seconds.
“No, I suppose you can’t,” Scott whispered. He looked up. “Can you keep it quiet, though?”
“Of course, Break,” Liz said gently. “Won’t we?” she added, giving me a nudge.
“Yeah, sure,” I said uncertainly, before realising that Liz didn’t know that I already knew.
“So…are you and Adam a couple?” Liz asked.
Scott nodded. He dropped his head down again, as if he was too tired to keep holding it up. Adam put a hand on Scott’s shoulder, his face showing concern.
“How long has this been going on?” Mary asked softly.
“How long’s what been going on?” Gary asked as he came back. We’d been concentrating on Scott so hard we hadn’t noticed Gary’s approach. He handed Randy a damp cloth and a towel, but his concentration was on the rest of us. He looked puzzled.
Scott took a deep breath and stood up. He faced Gary and squared his shoulders.
“She was asking how long Adam’s been my boyfriend.”
Gary laughed. “I was only joking, Break. No one is really going to think you’re gay.”
“But I am,” Scott said, calmly but firmly. “Adam’s been my boyfriend for almost two weeks, now.”
Gary laughed once more, but stopped when he realised that Scott was being serious.
“You’re not joking,” he said in disbelief. He collapsed into his chair.
Mary looked at Randy and me as Scott sat back down.
“You guys aren’t surprised,” she said cautiously. Snapping her fingers, she smiled. “Of course! Scott’s been going to your place to visit Adam.”
“Is this right?” Liz asked me in an ominous tone.
Adam saved me from answering. “David, Giant, and their parents have been great with Scott. They even let him stay overnight a couple of times.”
“Does your family know?” Liz asked Scott.
Scott rested his head on Adam’s shoulder. When he didn’t respond, Adam answered for him.
“That’s why he and Chris spent a couple of nights with us. Chris already knew, but Scott told their parents on Thursday and it didn’t go well. He didn’t move back home until yesterday.”
“You and I are going to have a talk about keeping secrets,” Liz told me. As I started to worry, she smiled and added, “But you did all right with this one.”
She leant over and kissed me on the cheek.
“‘I can’t have a gay son!’” Scott quoted in a falsetto voice. “Mum hates me and she hates Adam.”
“I thought she’d gotten past that,” Randy stated in surprise. Adam looked startled, too.
Scott shook his head. “I don’t really know if she has or not. She came up with some more restrictions last night. She’ll be happy if I never see Adam again.”
Adam put his arm around Scott and pulled him close.
“Restrictions? What are you talking about?” Gary asked.
“Scott’s mum came up with a set of rules for him yesterday. They sounded like they came from the time of the Inquisition,” I explained. “No kissing, no touching, no signs of affection allowed. He can’t have Adam in his room unless the door is kept open. Basically, Adam’s not allowed to be Scott’s boyfriend while he’s in their house.”
“No phone calls with Adam longer than five minutes. If I don’t go straight home from school, I have to let her know where I’ll be,” Scott added in a monotone.
“What?” Randy asked angrily. “That’s total bullshit! I thought your dad was better than that, even if your mum isn’t.”
“How can she do that?” Adam growled. “You’re sixteen, for God’s sake! When’s she going to start treating you like an adult instead of a little kid?”
“Dad tried arguing with her, but she was firm. Dad told me he’d speak to her privately. I left them alone before I said anything more. I thought I’d said enough, as it was.”
“Chris said he’d take us all back to our place,” I said. “Mum and Dad will be out, so we’ll have the place to ourselves for a few hours. You and Adam can have some private time.”
“Thanks, Stick,” Scott said. Adam nodded his appreciation. I could see him muttering something under his breath.
“Uh… Mary? I think you should go see your mum. She looks like she’s wondering what’s going on,” Gary said, staring back towards the house.
Scott and Adam sprang apart as the rest of us turned to see Mrs. Bryant watching from the kitchen window.
“I’ll be back,” Mary said, rising to her feet. “Don’t worry, Scott, she’ll be fine.”
“So, what are we going to do about this?” Gary asked, looking around the table.
“Just don’t tell anyone, please?” Scott whispered, drained of energy.
I watched him and felt sympathetic. In the course of one long weekend, he’d gone through hell by outing himself to his parents and then accidentally outing himself to his friends. At least, his friends were handling it well. There was a chance that would help him regain his emotional feet.
“Scott and Adam can be themselves at our place,” I said. “We just need to help them out where we can, especially at school. I know you were joking, Gary, but some people will wonder about Scott. We’ve been trying to make sure they aren’t seen together too much, but any help would be appreciated.”
“Why are you worried about them being seen together?” Liz asked me.
“Because of what Gary said,” I explained, surprised that she didn’t see the problem. “If Scott hangs around Adam too much, people will suspect he’s gay, too.”
She laughed. “Don’t be stupid. Scott’s been Adam’s best friend for years; everyone knows that. All they’ll see is a best friend who hasn’t abandoned his mate just because he’s gay. If anyone makes a comment, just tell them that they’re best mates and Adam’s being gay won’t change that.”
“That’ll work,” Randy remarked, nodding his head. “I should’ve thought of that myself.”
Mary and her mother came out soon afterwards. Mrs. Bryant offered Scott the same reassurance that she had given Adam: that he was welcome there at any time. Scott just nodded his head and gave her a weak smile.
An unspoken consensus resulted in everyone except Adam and Scott moving indoors. They’d have some privacy outside as the trees and bushes would prevent the neighbours from seeing them.
We sat down in the lounge room and started talking again.
“How long have you guys known about Scott?” Gary asked Randy and me.
“Almost two weeks,” I said. “We found out on day that Scott came out to Adam. It was a few days after that basketball game.”
“Why did he tell you two and not the rest of us?” Gary asked, sounding peeved.
“Well, he didn’t tell us. I walked in on him and Adam when they were kissing,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Stick was out of there in a flash,” Randy laughed. “Scott followed him. When those two came back, the rest of us found out what was going on.”
“I still don’t know why he didn’t feel he could tell us,” Gary complained.
Randy and I looked at each other. When my brother shrugged, I turned to Gary to try to explain it.
“It was a few days after Adam had been kicked out of his home, and Randy had been put in hospital by Aiden’s dad. With something like that potentially waiting for him, Scott wasn’t ready to tell anyone. He told me that while it may be turn out okay, he only gets to tell anyone once. If it doesn’t work out, he can’t take it back. I think the only reason he told his parents was so that he’d be able to have Adam come over, but that hasn’t worked. Do you blame him for being slow to tell people?”
Gary nodded his acceptance. He looked thoughtfully at the wall, as if he could see through it to the two guys outside.
“Where does Chris fit into the picture?” Liz asked. “His name’s cropped up a couple of times so far.”
“Chris is on Scott’s side,” Randy said. “So much so that he threatened to walk out of home if their parents didn’t accept Scott. He found out a few months ago, by accident.”
“Who else knows?” Mary asked. “I don’t want to make the mistake of telling someone who isn’t supposed to know.”
“Scott’s brother and parents, our parents, and you guys. That’s it,” I answered.
“Plus two others that we can’t say,” Randy added.
“Oh, yeah,” I agreed, blushing. I had forgotten about Tony and Tristan.
“Why can’t you say?” Liz asked.
“Because one of them is gay and not out,” I explained. “The other is a friend of his.”
I could see she was going ask for more information, so I quickly added, “And that’s as much as I can say. Sorry.”
She frowned slightly but didn’t say anything.
“What about the twins?” Gary asked. “Surely he can tell them. I heard how they reacted to Adam when he told them.”
I shook my head. “Scott’s not ready. I agree, I think they’ll be cool. In fact, I think they’ll be really happy for both of them, but Scott’s still nervous.”
“Let him tell people at his own pace,” Mary told Gary. “David’s right: this is not something you can take back once you’ve told someone.”
Gary shrugged. “Okay.”
We talked for another hour, giving Gary, Mary and Liz the bare bones of what’d been going on, especially over the previous few days. Adam and Scott came in part way through, but they let Randy and me tell the story.
When Chris arrived, he got a surprise. Gary answered the door and invited him in. As soon as he appeared, Liz stood up, walked over and grabbed him in a big hug.
“What’s that for?” he asked. “Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he added with a grin.
When Liz released him, Mary grabbed him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“For being a good big brother to Scott,” Liz explained.
Chris’ head snapped around to locate his brother. Scott gave him a bit of a smile.
“I slipped up,” Scott said with a shrug.
“He outed himself by accident,” Randy clarified, “but everyone’s cool, even Mary’s mum. We’ve been filling them in on what’s been going on.”
“So, this is another safe house for you two?” Chris asked his brother.
“Yes, it is,” Mary answered for Scott.
Chris grinned at her. “Thanks,” was all he said.
“Time for another week of school,” I sighed as we got off the bus.
“It’s only four days, though,” Randy pointed out. “We got to relax, yesterday.”
“True.”
After the emotional stress with Scott and his family for the first two days of the Easter break, and then Scott’s accidental coming out on the Sunday, it had been good to have a quiet Easter Monday. We spent it just hanging out, talking, listening to music and playing ball. I think everyone was happy with the fact that nothing out of the ordinary happened.
Going back to school was a shock to the system. It was amazing how quickly we could fall out of the normal school routine during a four-day weekend.
“I know I’m paranoid, but can we check the lockers early today?” Adam asked.
“Sure, I don’t have a problem with that and I don’t think you’re being paranoid. You’re just being cautious,” I replied.
“Fine with me. Why don’t we do that now?” Randy suggested.
We visited Adam’s new locker first. It was untouched. I privately wondered if Randy would be getting a new locker that day, but there wasn’t any point in mentioning it. My brother didn’t know that Adam and I had asked Swampy to change Randy’s locker.
As it turned out, all three lockers were fine. We still had a fair amount of time before school started, so we headed back to see if any of our friends were around.
Randy spotted his classmates and went to join them. I felt nervous about that, but I realised we couldn’t spend the rest of our school lives being afraid of an attack. Staying in a large group during the initial hysteria had been sensible, but I thought things had calmed down since then.
I saw Liz before she saw me. Leaving Adam, I snuck up behind her.
“Hi.”
I grinned as she jumped and spun around. She gave me a small punch to the arm.
“Don’t startle me like that!”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” I replied, not very apologetically.
She smiled. “How’s things? You told me last night that you had a good day yesterday.”
“Yeah, we did,” I said. “I can’t think of anything more to add. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that nothing is going to happen this week.”
“I’m doing the same,” she admitted, her smile slipping away.
She looked past me. I turned to see what she was looking at and saw Adam, Gary, Mary and Scott talking nearby. We headed over and joined them.
“Hi, Stick,” Gary said. “I was just saying I’ve heard that Luke’s been expelled and Nick Tremen is back at school. He’s got two black eyes and he’s hobbling around on crutches, but he’s here.”
“I'm glad he’s okay,” Mary said. “I wonder how much of the Easter break he missed.”
I still felt that Nick was bad news, but I had no evidence, just a hunch, so I stayed quiet.
“I heard he got out of hospital yesterday morning,” Gary said.
“There seems to be a lot of sympathy for Nick,” Mary added. “He’s a bit of a hero for being the one to get Luke expelled.”
“Anyone who can get that bully kicked out of school is okay in my books,” Scott said.
I frowned and opened my mouth to respond, but Liz got in first.
“Nick is the guy who threatened Giant, Scott,” she pointed out coldly. “You weren’t there, but there’s no way I’m going to forget that in a hurry.”
“That goes for me, too,” I said.
Scott was startled. He dropped his eyes to the ground and seemed to shrink.
“Sorry, I’d forgotten about that,” he muttered. “Yeah, you’re right. He may’ve gotten Luke kicked out, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good guy himself.”
“Don’t feel too bad, Break. That’d slipped my mind, too,” Gary said.
Gary turned to Liz and me. He started to say something, but stopped and flicked a glance at Mary. Returning his attention to us, he nodded his head.
“Okay, Stick, Liz. I’ll keep an ear out for any word on what that guy’s doing. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”
“Thanks, Gazza,” I replied appreciatively.
The conversation ended at that point, as the others still had to go to their lockers. I went with Liz to hers, along with Adam and Scott. Fiona was hanging around Liz’s locker, but she left as soon as she saw me. I made a mental note to talk to Liz about that. I didn’t think Fiona and I would ever get along again, but I didn’t want Liz and Fiona to have a falling out over me.
The morning passed without incident. Our classmates seemed to be equally divided between those who were subdued from the long weekend and those who were bursting with energy after the break. I was firmly in the subdued camp.
When we left our Maths class and started our lunch break, I noticed that we were getting some odd looks, and the occasional hostile glare, from complete strangers. It was almost the same as the first day that Adam had been out at school.
“What’s going on?” Peter Papadopolous asked us, more annoyed than puzzled. He was walking next to Adam, Scott and me. We were all heading in the same general direction after the class, talking about the Easter break.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “You’re supposed to know what’s happening around the school. Surely you have some idea.”
He shook his head. “None, sorry. I’m going to have to find out. If there’s anything to worry about, I’ll let you know.”
With that, he jogged off.
“What do you think?” Scott asked Adam and me.
“No idea,” Adam remarked with a shrug. “Probably just another anti-gay rumour of some sort.”
“Probably, but we’ll have to wait and see,” I said.
We reached our usual spot for lunch and were joined soon afterwards by Liz, Mary and Gary. We asked them if they’d heard anything.
“I did hear something,” Mary said reluctantly.
“What?” Gary asked.
“It didn’t make sense to me, but it was something about the gays in the school being the reason that Nick Tremen got bashed by Luke Williams.”
“I don’t understand,” Gary said. “What has Adam got to do with Luke bashing Nick?”
“Maybe Nick’s gay, too,” Liz suggested. “I’ve heard that some of the worst homophobes are secretly gay.”
“Yeah, but why would he tell Luke? It still doesn’t make sense,” Gary said.
“Michael had a theory that Nick was the one who got Luke to use those water balloons on my brother,” I mused. “As that’s what got Luke in trouble with the cops, maybe he attacked Nick because of it. To a twisted mind, Randy’s the reason Nick got bashed.”
“Speaking of the devil,” Gary remarked with a smile, pointing across the yard.
Michael O’Conner was heading in our direction.
“I think we’re about to get an update on the situation,” Adam said dryly.
“Hi, guys, Liz, Mary,” Michael said as soon as he reached us. “I’ve got some bad news.”
“Nick’s spreading rumours,” Scott guessed.
“Yeah,” Michael said, nodding his head. “Giant and Adam are being blamed by Nick for Luke going crazy last week. The guy’s clever. He never explains why they’re being blamed, but he’s managing to imply that either Randy or Adam, or both of them, did something to Luke to make him go mental. Nick says that all he did was mention Randy’s name, and Luke went crazy. People are making their own conclusions. The mildest version I’ve heard is that Randy made a pass at Luke,” he finished with a grimace.
“But Randy’s not gay!” I protested.
“Nick’s saying he is.”
I felt frustrated. We’d gone to a lot of effort to try to stop Randy from being a target, but that guy was aiming the homophobes right back at him. We had to stop it quickly, but I wasn’t sure how.
“Do you know where Nick is?” I asked Michael. “I think we need to go see him.”
“I think he’s on the other side of the school,” Michael replied.
I glanced around. Everyone seemed keen to do something.
“Let’s go,” I said, and we all headed off.
We found Nick under a tree, surrounded by a mixed group of students. They were listening intently as Nick was speaking.
“... And if it wasn’t for those fucking poofters that they’re allowing to run around the school, none of this would’ve happened. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d been messing with Williams’ mind for years, until he finally snapped last week.”
“That’s a lie and you know it,” I said as I stepped into the centre of the circle surrounding Nick.
The rest of our group followed.
Nick had been sitting on a bench, but he pulled himself up on his crutches when we approached. He seemed contemptuous, though with the bruises on his face it was hard to be sure. He had a plaster cast on his left leg and bandages on his right upperarm. Dark purple splotches marked his left arm, though they didn’t seem to be bothering him.
“What would you know?” he sneered.
“Certainly more than you,” I retorted. “I know Randy’s not gay, and you obviously don’t. That makes you the one who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
“In that case, you’re lucky. I hope you’re right about that, because otherwise you can kiss him goodbye,” Nick said. “I know poofs and what they’re like. He’ll be off trying to fuck anything that moves, if he’s a faggot. He’ll forget all about friends and family, just so he can bed another guy.”
He seemed to notice Adam for the first time.
“Ah, the other poofter. How long will it be before you catch AIDS from sleeping around too much?”
“What do you know about it?” Adam snarled back. “And what makes you think you know that much about gays?”
Nick scowled. “I used to know one for several years. I thought he was a great guy until I found out the truth. There’s no way I’ll ever trust another poofter. All they want to do is to have as much sex as they want, and they don’t care if they wreck their family in the process. They don’t understand what love is, only sex.”
I wondered who that person was. I guessed from the way he was saying it that it was probably a brother or cousin, though it might’ve been a long-term friend, but I doubted he’d say much more in the middle of the schoolyard.
“Just because one guy did something wrong, that doesn’t give you the right to tell lies about me and my friends,” Adam said.
“Lies? I heard Williams talking about a cocksucker at school. What did you do? Blow him a few times and then tease him too much by holding back?”
“I never blew him! I’ve never blown anyone! I’d never even spoken to him until he started threatening me!”
“Yeah, likely story,” Nick sneered. Addressing the crowd around us, he added, “You can’t trust poofs.”
“Well, I trust him!” I said, taking a step forward. “I’d trust him with my life. He’s already saved it once, and I know he’d do it again if he had the opportunity.”
“Probably because he wants you,” Nick snapped back. “What are you going to do when he slips his hand down your pants?”
“I know he’s not going to,” I stated firmly. “You seem to think that all gay guys want to sleep around. Well, I know a few straight guys who boast about sleeping with a different girl each week. Some straight guys are like that, but most of us aren’t. Adam’s not like that, either.”
“Really? What makes you the expert on gay sex? You’ve had more experience than you’re letting on? I can tell you for sure that they don’t have the faintest idea of what love is. They just want as much fucking as they can get.”
I needed to respond, because otherwise too many of the students listening would spread Nick’s opinion. I sought furiously for an answer I could use that wouldn’t mean outing Scott. I smiled when I had what I thought was the answer. The first move would be to see if Michael’s theory was right.
“You’re talking about not trusting poofs. Well, that’s great, coming from a guy who’s such a coward that he has to vandalise lockers because he’s too scared to face someone in person.”
Nick rocked back on his crutches. From the expression of surprise on his face, I was sure I’d scored a hit.
“Yeah, and then you manipulated Luke Williams into attacking my brother. What a big man you are!” I said sarcastically. “Getting an eighteen-year-old and two of his goons to attack a fourteen-year-old. Why didn’t you join in? Didn’t you have the guts to take on a younger kid when he’d only be outnumbered by four to one?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nick blustered.
“I saw you talking to Luke before he attacked Randy,” Michael said, drawing Nick’s attention for the first time. I gave him a nod of appreciation for the support.
“What’s wrong with that?” Nick snapped back.
“You know, I wonder what’s the real reason you got bashed,” I mused out loud. “Was it because Luke blamed you for talking him into attacking my brother, and because of that he’s in trouble with the cops? You know, I think that’s it,” I said with a snap of my fingers. “You’re blaming Adam and Randy because Luke stuffed up and then took it out on you because you talked him into it in the first place.”
“Fucking poofs deserve everything they get. Luke was trying to do everyone a favour.”
I smiled. Nick was too flustered to think of denying it. With a bit of luck, my version would get around the school and counter any of his anti-gay stories.
“All Adam and his kind want to do is fuck anything that moves,” Nick added, spitting on the ground in disgust.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know Adam and what he’s like.
“Yes, I do know Adam, and just like me, he wants someone special. He wants a boyfriend as much as I want a girlfriend. We have the same values of what’s right and wrong. If I can commit to someone I love, and stay faithful, then I know Adam can do the same and not sleep around like you’re saying all gays do. Some guys can’t stay faithful, but that’s nothing to do with whether or not they’re gay. There are lots of straight guys who can’t commit to a relationship.
“I know that the story about Ian working at a hostel last Christmas has gone through the school. Did you listen to it? I was there, and I did. He told us about several long-term gay relationships. About couples that were so normal that the only thing different about them was that they were both guys. Couples whose love was so strong that it survived one of them lying in a bed, dying. If you can’t see that that means they can love just as strongly and deeply as the rest of us, then I don’t think you know what love means.
“So take your hate and get out of here. Don’t make my friend into something he’s not, just because you knew someone who wasn’t like him.”
Nick scowled at me for a couple of seconds.
“You’ll learn. I just hope for your sake he doesn’t wreck too many lives before you find out what he’s really like,” he snarled.
“I already know what he’s really like. You’re the one who doesn’t,” I snapped back.
“Argh… You’re not worth wasting my time on,” he growled, and then limped away. Some of the crowd followed him, but a lot just milled around, talking about what they’d heard.
After Nick had gone, I felt a hand slap me on the back.
“Way to go, Stick!” Gary said cheerfully.
“Yeah, well done,” Michael added. He looked over at Adam. “I hope you find yourself a boyfriend soon, Adam. With the hassles you’ve been going through, I think you deserve it.”
“Thanks, Mike.”
Adam turned and contemplated me for a long moment before holding out his hand.
“Thanks, Stick. I really appreciate what you said.”
Wondering if the use of my nickname was a just a slip, I grasped the offered hand. I saw Liz blow me a kiss from behind Adam.
“No problems, Adam. I meant what I said.”
He smiled. “My friends call me Ads, Stick.”
“Hey, guys! I need your help.”
We looked up to see Tristan storming towards us. He seemed furious but I couldn’t work out why. I didn’t think it was because of any of us. I glanced at Adam and Scott. The three of us had been having a quiet chat in a corner of the schoolyard, planning a surprise for Liz’s birthday. Gary and Mary were doing their bit by keeping Liz away while we plotted.
“What is it, Tristan?” I asked.
“I need you to pound some sense into that brother of mine!”
I couldn’t help grinning as the source of Tristan’s frustration became clear. Tony has a natural ability to infuriate his big brother, apparently without effort.
“What’s he done now?” Adam asked.
Tristan looked around anxiously and then lowered his voice.
“He’s heard about a ‘National Coming Out Day’ and he’s planning on telling everyone at school he’s gay. I’ve tried talking him out of it, but he’s taken to ignoring me. Can you help?”
Tristan’s anger had transformed into desperation at the end. He clearly didn’t think it was a good idea for Tony to come out.
“You have to admit that the school has become a lot more tolerant over the last six months,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, since Tremen left,” Tristan said, “but the other ones who are out are older. Adam’s still the youngest. Who knows if there’s another one like Tremen around, who’ll stay to torment him instead of running away? Tony’s one of the youngest kids in school. How’ll he defend himself?”
Adam, Scott and I exchanged glances. Only the three of us and Randy knew the truth about what had happened to Nick Tremen. Most kids had decided he’d run away after the confrontation we had with him. The truth was a lot stranger.
Nothing much had happened for a couple of days, though you could almost see the tension that was hanging around the school. The students were split between those who believed Nick’s version of events and those that believed mine. Everyone had been waiting to see what happened next, but no one wanted to be the one to set things off. Then word went through the school that Nick was gone.
The following weekend, we all got the shock of our lives when Nick’s mum showed up at our place.
“I’ve come here to apologise for my son’s behaviour at school,” she’d said. “I thought he was over some things, but apparently not. It must have been just simmering below the surface, and Adam coming out at school pushed him over the edge. I’ve moved him to another school while he works with a psychologist to help him with his anger.”
Mum and Dad talked with her for a while. She told us some horror stories of what had happened to her family. She was over it, but hadn’t realised that Nick was still carrying a grudge. There were a lot of things she shared, and I thought many of them were for Adam’s benefit, but she never said so. Even though Nick had caused problems at school, I felt sorry for the painful things he’d been through. It didn’t excuse what he’d done, but it started to explain it. Not everyone comes from a happy family.
With Nick gone from school, the tension slowly faded and everything returned to normal. That’s when a few other guys and girls came out of the closet, to a mainly “yeah, yeah, so what?” reaction from the majority of the students. There are still a number who persist in expressing their disapproval, but it’s all kept low-key.
“He should be fine, Tristan,” Scott said. “There are a lot of people who’ll look out for him if he needs it, but I doubt he will.”
“If that’s the case, why aren’t you out?” Tristan retorted.
Scott scowled and looked away. “That’s a bit complex.”
“If it’s not good enough for you, why are you saying my brother will be fine?”
Scott looked back and sighed.
“My problem is at home. Mum is barely tolerating Adam, and only if we don’t rub her nose in the fact that he’s my boyfriend or that I’m gay. Dad’s cool with the whole thing, but as far as Mum is concerned, she would rather that I was straight and I think she’s trying to pretend that I am. If I came out at school, her friends would hear about it and there is no way she could maintain that pretense. I’m not willing to risk messing things up. In a few years, I’ll be able to move out of home and it won’t matter any more. Until then, all my friends know about me and Adam, and I only have problems at home. I can live with that, so I’m not making waves by coming out here at school.”
I had to smother a smile as I recalled the day Scott told the twins. They were over at our place about a month after Easter and Scott did a big buildup to telling them that he’s gay. When he finished, he waited anxiously for their reaction.
The problem was there wasn’t one. The twins just sat there staring at him. After a long pause, Brett spoke up.
“And...?”
“And what?” Scott asked.
Brett scowled. “And the rest? Or aren’t we good enough to be told? I thought we were your friends, too. It’s obvious that everyone else knows, but why aren’t you telling us?”
Brian turned to his brother.
“Don’t be too hard on him, Brett. There’s always the possibility it was option B,” he said, cryptically.
“I suppose so, but you have to admit it’s highly unlikely. I still think it was option A.”
“Oh, I think it’s option A, too, but we should give him the benefit of the doubt.”
“Yeah, but if it is option A, and he’s still not telling us, you have to admit it looks suspicious.”
“That’s true. We could go for option C, that he’s just a coward.”
We all stared at them. After Brett’s original attack, the twins were bantering between themselves as if it was all a big joke.
“What are you two talking about?” I asked when I saw no signs they were going to stop.
Brian turned to me with a wide-eyed, innocent expression.
“We’re just trying to decide if Adam had his tongue down Scott’s throat at Easter because they’re an item, or because Scott was choking and Adam was trying a novel method of clearing his airway.”
“You saw us?” Scott whispered in disbelief.
B1 and B2 burst out laughing. “Yeah, we did. We’ve been waiting ever since for you to tell us. Congratulations, guys. We think it’s fantastic news.”
The twins have been very discreet when there are other people around, but when it’s just the people who know, they haven’t stopped teasing Adam and Scott about it. The two guys have been forced many times to deny the twins’ increasingly graphic descriptions of what they claim to have witnessed that weekend.
“So, I’m personally happy to come out at school, but I don’t want to because of my mum,” Scott told Tristan.
“How are your parents with Tony?” I asked.
Tristan made a face. “He hasn’t told them.”
“If he comes out at school, then the word will get back. I really think he should tell them first, before he tells the school. It’s better than them hearing about it from someone else,” I pointed out.
Tristan smiled. “Good point. Thanks, guys. I think that’ll make him pause.”
He glanced over to where we could see Tony with a group of his friends.
“Now, all I have to do is to get him to stay still long enough so I can explain it to him.”
Tristan looked back at us. “I don’t suppose you could get Randy to tell him? He’ll listen to Randy.”
I exchanged smiles with Adam and Scott. While he no longer had a crush on my brother, Tony still had a soft spot for Randy.
“Sure, Tristan,” I replied. “We’ll ask him to speak to Tony tonight.”
There’s always something happening. At least I’m not in the middle of it, for which I’m extremely grateful. I never again want to go through anything like those weeks around Easter time.
Copyright Notice - Copyright © January 2006 by Graeme.
The author copyrights this story and retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form – physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise – without the author's expressed permission. All applicable copyright laws apply.
Disclaimer: All individuals depicted are fictional, and any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.
I have a lot of people I’d like to thank, now that this story is complete. If I leave anyone off, please accept my apologies. So many people have helped me in so many different ways.
Firstly, to Aaron and everyone at The Mail Crew. They have been fantastic in the help and encouragement they’ve given me. Aaron’s editing is a major part of what’s made this story special and I want to state, again, how much I appreciate the hard work he’s done.
To Jeff, for getting me started in the writing game in the first place. He showed me what was possible and gave me that nudge required to get me going.
To Paul and Oz, for their early encouragement and help with the first version of the story.
To everyone at DeweyWriter for their words of praise when I was just starting out.
To everyone at AwesomeDude for all the assistance they have given, and still give, in my quest to learn more about how to write well.
To Ryan H. and Kel for their feedback on early drafts.
To all the readers who have taken the time to write to me about how much they’ve enjoyed the story.
Lastly, but most importantly, to J, for being understanding when I’ve worked at the computer for long periods of time and when I’ve hovered nervously while she read the latest chapter.
My most sincere thanks to all of you,
Graeme